The Lost

Chapter 14

Ten years ago

The house looked the same as ever as Jonah walked up the path to the front door. That seemed wrong somehow. It should be ramshackle and falling down, not untouched by what had happened. Keys in hand, he looked at the step where Theo had once fallen, the tears from a grazed knee replaced by laughter as Jonah had picked him up and swung him round. You’ve broken the path! Theo’s harder than concrete!

Tearing his eyes away, he unlocked the door and went in.

He’d phoned Chrissie to tell her he was going to collect the last of his things, but it had gone straight to voicemail. They’d had hardly any contact with each other in weeks. At some point Jonah knew they’d have to sit down and talk about the divorce, but he didn’t have any appetite for that. He hadn’t even got around to consulting a solicitor yet, even though he was sure Chrissie wouldn’t have wasted any time. One of the advantages of being a PA to the senior partner at a law firm instead of a police officer on compassionate leave. No doubt Neil Waverly would have been there to offer advice and a sympathetic shoulder. And the rest. Jonah had always suspected they’d been sleeping together even before... Well, before. But it didn’t seem to matter now. Good luck to her, Jonah thought. And God help the poor bastard. Now it didn’t seem to matter.

The empty hallway greeted him; no toys littering the floor, no small shoes or clothes on the coat hooks. It hit him afresh, robbing him of breath and weakening his legs, so that it was a few seconds before he became aware of hearing the shower running upstairs.

Oh great, Jonah thought. Chrissie must be home. He contemplated turning around and leaving. But then he’d only have to come back again later. Squaring his shoulders, he started up the stairs.

‘Chrissie?’ he called, pushing open the bedroom door. ‘I left you a message, I’ve come for—’

He stopped. Gavin was by the bed, caught in the process of fastening his jeans. He was shirtless. Behind him the quilt lay in a rumpled heap.

The smell of sex thickened the air, subtly different to the scent Jonah associated with the room. With him and Chrissie.

‘Fuck,’ Gavin said. He straightened. ‘I know how this—’

Jonah hit him in the mouth. Gavin stumbled and toppled backwards as his legs struck the edge of the bed. Jonah threw himself on top of him, straddling his chest and swinging punches. Gavin was yelling, trying to block the blows with his forearms and struggle free, but then one caught him flush on the jaw. It sent a shock all the way up to Jonah’s shoulder and Gavin’s eyes blanked. Barely noticing the pain from his knuckles, Jonah raised his arm to hit him again, and there was a burst of light as something crashed against the back of his head.

Dazed, he could hear angry voices through the ringing in his skull, and then Gavin was pushing free from under him. The room lurched dizzyingly as Jonah tried to get up, but there was no strength in his arms. Gavin was on top now, pinioning his arms with his knees as he pounded Jonah’s unprotected face. Jonah felt his nose burst, then everything seemed to tilt as he fell off the bed onto the floor.

He became aware of shouting above him.

‘... nearly fucking killed him! Jesus, you didn’t have to hit him as well! What’s wrong with you?’

‘Just shut up, OK? Just shut the fuck up!’

With an effort, Jonah tried to push himself upright. He got part way and then slumped back, half sitting up against the side of the bed. He swallowed, tasting the coppery tang of blood. He lifted his hand — when had it got so heavy? — to touch his head. His fingers came away slick and wet.

Gavin was still shirtless, one eye swollen shut. Chrissie wore an untied bathrobe, the fabric clinging and damp, her hair straggly and wet. The remains of a hairdryer were scattered like shrapnel on the carpet around her. Jonah tentatively touched his head again. Jesus, she hit me with a hairdryer?

‘You OK?’

That was from Gavin. Jonah felt something break inside him.

‘Ge’ away from me.’

Turning on his side, Jonah got one knee under him and tried to stand up.

‘Here, let me—’ Gavin said, starting forward. Jonah threw off his hand.

‘Fuck off!’

Using the bed for support, Jonah pushed himself to his feet. The floor felt like it was moving, but after a second he was able to stand unaided. As though they hadn’t seen each other naked before, Chrissie seemed to realise her bathrobe was hanging open. She wrapped it around her, her mouth tightening as she hurriedly fastened the belt.

‘What are you doing here?’ she demanded.

‘I came for my things.’

‘So what? You can’t just come barging in, you don’t live here anymore!’

‘I called, I left you a message.’ Jonah was shaking. ‘Maybe if you hadn’t been busy fucking my best mate, you’d have heard it!’

‘Look—’ Gavin began, but Jonah turned on him.

‘Don’t! Not a fucking word!’

Chrissie had folded her arms, chin coming up as she glared at him. He knew the expression from countless other arguments. This time there were tears in her eyes, but Jonah chose to ignore them.

‘What I do isn’t any of your business!’ she spat. ‘You’re the one who walked out, what did you expect?’

‘Nothing from you,’ he shot back. But he was looking at Gavin as he said it.

Chrissie had worked up a head of steam. ‘So now you’re the victim? God, that’s rich!’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘I’m not the one who fell asleep and let my son drown, am I? If you want to blame someone, look in a fucking mirror!’

‘Jesus Christ, Chrissie,’ Gavin said.

‘What, you’re on his side now?’ She dashed the tears from her eyes. ‘God, you’re as pathetic as him! Where are you going?’

This last question was aimed at Jonah, who was heading unsteadily for the door. His anger had died. Now he only wanted to get out of there. He had to hold onto the banister as he went downstairs. The thump of footsteps came from behind him.

‘Jonah, wait!’

Gavin was trying to drag on his shirt as he hurried along the hallway. ‘Just give me a chance to explain! This was a mistake, OK? She was upset and lonely, and... things happened! I’m sorry.’

Yeah, me too. Jonah stopped at the front door as a wave of dizziness passed over him.

Gavin seemed to misinterpret it.

‘Can we at least talk it through? Go for a drink or something. Please.’

Jonah felt a sense of dislocation as he looked at the man in front of him. It was like looking at a stranger. Turning away, he opened the door and walked down the path to the street.

He made it halfway to his car before he threw up.