The Mountain Shadow

Chapter One

The Source of all things, the luminescence, has more forms than heaven’s stars, sure. And one good thought is all it takes to make it shine. But a single mistake can burn down a forest in your heart, hiding all the stars, in all the skies. And while a mistake’s still burning, ruined love or lost faith can make you think you’re done, and you can’t go on. But it’s not true. It’s never true. No matter what you do, no matter where you’re lost, the luminescence never leaves you. Any good thing that dies inside can rise again, if you want it hard enough. The heart doesn’t know how to quit, because it doesn’t know how to lie. You lift your eyes from the page, fall into the smile of a perfect stranger, and the searching starts all over again. It’s not what it was. It’s always different. It’s always something else. But the new forest that grows back in a scarred heart is sometimes wilder and stronger than it was before the fire. And if you stay there, in that shine within yourself, that new place for the light, forgiving everything and never giving up, sooner or later you’ll always find yourself right back there where love and beauty made the world: at the beginning. The beginning. The beginning.

‘Hey, Lin, what a beginning to my day!’ Vikram shouted from somewhere in the dark, humid room. ‘How did you find me? When did you get back?’

‘Just now,’ I answered, standing at the wide French doors that opened onto the street-front veranda of the room. ‘One of the boys told me you were here. Come out for a minute.’

‘No, no, come on in, man!’ Vikram laughed. ‘Meet the guys!’

I hesitated. My eyes, bright with sky, couldn’t see more than lumps of shadow in the dark room. All I could see clearly were two swords of sunlight, stabbing through closed shutters, piercing swirling clouds scented by aromatic hashish and the burnt vanilla of brown heroin.

Remembering that day, the drug-smell and the shadows and the burning light cutting across the room, I’ve asked myself if it was intuition that held me there at the threshold, and stopped me from going in. I’ve asked myself how different my life might’ve been if I’d turned and walked away.

The choices we make are branches in the tree of possibility. For three monsoons after that day, Vikram and the strangers in that room were new branches in a forest we shared for a while: an urban woodland of love, death and resurrection.

What I remember clearly, from that flinch of hesitation, that moment I didn’t think was important at all at the time, is that when Vikram stepped from the darkness and grabbed my arm, dragging me inside, I shivered at the touch of his sweating hand.

A huge bed, extending three metres from the left-hand wall, dominated the big rectangular room. There was a man, or a dead body, it seemed, dressed in silver pyjamas and stretched out on the bed, with both hands folded across his chest.

His chest, so far as I could tell, didn’t rise or fall. Two men, one on the left of the still figure, one on the right, sat on the bed and prepared chillum pipes.

On the wall above, directly over the head of the dead or deeply sleeping man, was a huge painting of Zoroaster, the prophet of the Parsi faith.

As my eyes adjusted to the darkness I saw three large chairs, separated by two heavy antique chests of drawers set against the far wall opposite the veranda, with a man sitting in each of them.

There was a very large, expensive Persian carpet on the floor, and various photographs of figures wearing traditional Parsi dress. To my right, opposite the bed, a hi-fi system rested on a marble-topped dresser. Two ceiling fans rotated just slowly enough not to irritate the clouds of smoke in the room.

Vikram led me past the bed to meet the man sitting in the first of the three chairs. He was a foreigner, like myself, but taller: his long body and even longer legs sprawled in the chair as if he was floating in a bath. I guessed him to be about thirty-five years old.

‘This is Concannon,’ Vikram said, urging me forward. ‘He’s in the IRA.’

The hand that shook mine was warm and dry and very strong.

‘Fock the IRA!’ he said, pronouncing the first word in the accent of Northern Ireland. ‘I’m an Ulster man, UVF, but I can’t expect a heathen cunt like Vikram to understand that, can I?’

I liked the confident gleam in his eye. I didn’t like the confident words in his mouth. I withdrew my hand, nodding to him.

‘Don’t listen to him,’ Vikram said. ‘He talks a lot of weird shit, but he knows how to party like no foreigner I ever met, let me tell you.’

He pulled me toward the second man in the row of chairs. Just as I approached him, the young man puffed alight a hashish chillum, lit by the man from the third chair. As the flame from the matches was sucked into the pipe, a sudden burst of fire leaped from the bowl of the chillum and flared above the young man’s head.

‘Bom shankar!’ Vikram shouted, reaching out for the pipe. ‘Lin, this is Naveen Adair. He’s a private detective. Honest to God. And Naveen, this is Lin, the guy I’ve been telling you about. He’s a doctor, in the slum.’

The young man stood to shake my hand.

‘You know,’ he said with a wry smile, ‘I’m not much of a detective, yet.’

‘That’s okay,’ I smiled back at him. ‘I’m not much of a doctor, period.’

The third man, who’d lit the chillum, took a puff and offered me the pipe. I smiled it away, and he passed it instead to one of the men on the bed.

‘I’m Vinson,’ he said, with a handshake like a big, happy puppy. ‘Stuart Vinson. I’ve heard, like, a lot about you, man.’

‘Every cunt has heard about Lin,’ Concannon said, accepting a pipe from one of the men on the bed. ‘Vikram goes on and on about you, like a fuckin’ groupie. Lin this, Lin that, and Lin the other fuckin’ thing. Tell me, have you sucked his cock yet, Vikram? Was he any good, or is it all talk?’

‘Jesus, Concannon!’ Vinson said.

‘What?’ Concannon asked, eyes wide. ‘What? I’m only askin’ the man a question. India’s still a free country, isn’t it? At least, the parts where they speak English.’

‘Don’t mind him,’ Vinson said to me, shrugging an apology. ‘He can’t help it. He has, like, Asshole Tourette’s or something.’

Stuart Vinson, an American, had a strong physique, wide, clear features and a thick shock of wind-strewn blonde hair, which gave him the look of a sea adventurer, a solo yachtsman. In fact, he was a drug dealer, and a pretty successful one. I’d heard about him, just as he’d heard about me.

‘This is Jamal,’ Vikram said, ignoring Vinson and Concannon and introducing me to the man sitting on the left of the bed. ‘He imports it, rubs it, rolls it and smokes it. He’s a One Man Show.’

‘One Man Show,’ Jamal repeated.

He was thin, chameleon-eyed, and covered in religious amulets. I started counting them, hypnotised by holiness, and got to five major faiths before my eyes strayed into his smile.

‘One Man Show,’ I said.

‘One Man Show,’ he repeated.

‘One Man Show,’ I said.

‘One Man Show,’ he repeated.

I would’ve said it again, but Vikram stopped me.

‘This is Billy Bhasu,’ Vikram said, gesturing toward the small, very slight, cream-skinned man sitting on the other side of the still figure. Billy Bhasu put his palms together in a greeting, and continued to clean one of the chillums.

‘Billy Bhasu is a bringer,’ Vikram announced. ‘He’ll bring whatever you want. Anything at all, from a girl to an ice cream. Test him. It’s true. Ask him to fetch you an ice cream. He’ll bring it, right now. Ask him!’

‘I don’t want -’

‘Billy, go get Lin an ice cream!’

‘At once,’ Billy replied, putting the chillum aside.

‘No, Billy,’ I said, raising a palm. ‘I don’t want an ice cream.’

‘But you love ice cream,’ Vikram observed.

‘Not enough to send somebody for it, Vikram. Settle down, man.’

‘If he’s gonna bring somethin’,’ Concannon called from the shadows, ‘my vote’s for the ice cream and the girl. Two girls. And he should fuckin’ get on with it.’

‘You hear that, Billy?’ Vikram urged.

He stepped closer to Billy, and began to drag him from the bed for the ice cream, but a voice, deep and resonant, came from the prone figure on the bed, and Vikram froze as if he was facing a gun.

‘Vikram,’ the voice said. ‘You’re killing my high, man.’

‘Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Sorry, Dennis,’ Vikram stuttered. ‘I was just introducing Lin around, to all the guys, and -’

‘Lin,’ the figure on the bed said, opening his eyes to stare at me.

They were surprisingly light, grey-coloured eyes, with a velvet radiance.

‘My name’s Dennis. I’m glad to meet you. Make yourself at home. Mi casa, es su casa.’

I stepped forward, shook the limp bird’s wing that Dennis raised for me, and stepped back again to the foot of the bed. Dennis followed me with his eyes. His mouth settled into a gentle smile of benediction.

‘Wow!’ Vinson said softly, coming to stand beside me. ‘Dennis, man! Good to see you back! Like, how was it on the other side?’

‘Quiet,’ Dennis intoned, still smiling at me. ‘Very quiet. Until a few moments ago.’

Concannon and Naveen Adair, the young detective, joined us. Everyone was staring at Dennis.

‘This is a big honour, Lin,’ Vikram said. ‘Dennis is looking at you.’

There was a little silence. Concannon broke it.

‘That’s nice, that is!’ he growled, through a toothy smile. ‘I sit here for six fuckin’ months, share my wit and wisdom, smokin’ your dope and drinkin’ your whiskey, and you only open your eyes twice. Lin walks in the door and you’re staring at him like he was on fuckin’ fire. What am I, Dennis, a total cunt?’

‘Like, totally, man,’ Vinson said quietly.

Concannon laughed hard. Dennis winced.

‘Concannon,’ he whispered, ‘I love you like a friendly ghost, but you’re killing my high.’

‘Sorry, Dennis lad,’ Concannon grinned.

‘Lin,’ Dennis murmured, his head and body perfectly still, ‘please don’t think me rude. I’ll have to rest now. It was a pleasure to meet you.’

He turned his head one degree toward Vikram.

‘Vikram,’ he murmured, in that sonorous, rumbling basso. ‘Please keep it down. You’re killing my high, man. I’d appreciate it if you’d stop.’

‘Of course, Dennis. Sorry.’

‘Billy Bhasu?’ Dennis said softly.

‘Yes, Dennis?’

‘Fuck the ice cream.’

‘Fuck the ice cream, Dennis?’

‘Fuck the ice cream. Nobody gets ice cream. Not today.’

‘Yes, Dennis.’

‘Are we clear on the ice cream?’

‘Fuck the ice cream, Dennis.’

‘I don’t want to hear the words ice cream for at least three months.’

‘Yes, Dennis.’

‘Good. Now, Jamal, please make me another chillum. A big, strong one. A gigantic one. A legendary one. It would be an act of compassion, not far from a miracle. Goodbye, all and everyone, here and there.’

Dennis folded his hands across his chest, closed his eyes and settled into his resting state: death-like rigidity at five breaths a minute.

No-one moved or spoke. Jamal, lip-lock urgent, prepared a legendary chillum. The room stared at Dennis. I seized Vikram by the shirt.

‘Come on, we’re outta here,’ I said, pulling Vikram with me out of the room. ‘Goodbye, all and everyone, here and there.’

‘Hey, wait for me!’ Naveen called after us, rushing out through the French doors.

Back on the street, fresh air stirred Vikram and Naveen awake. Their steps quickened, matching mine.

The breeze driven through a shaded corridor of three-storey buildings and leafy plane trees brought with it the strong, working scent of the fishing fleet at nearby Sassoon Dock.

Pools of sunlight spilled through gaps between the trees. As I passed from shade to light, splashing into each new pool of white heat, I felt the sun flooding into me and then draining away with the shadow tide, beneath the trees.

The sky was haze-blue: glass washed up from the sea. Crows rode on the rooftops of buses to cooler parts of the city. The cries of handcart pullers were confident and fierce.

It was the kind of clear Bombay day that makes Bombay people, Mumbaikars, sing out loud, and as I passed a man walking in the opposite direction, I noticed that we were both humming the same Hindi love song.

‘That’s funny,’ Naveen remarked. ‘You were both on the same song, man.’

I smiled, and was about to sing a few more lines, as we do on blue glass Bombay days, when Vikram cut across us with a question.

‘So, how did it go? Did you get it?’

One of the reasons why I don’t go to Goa very often is that every time I go to Goa, someone asks me to do something down there. When I’d told Vikram, three weeks earlier, that I had a mission in Goa, he’d asked me to do something for him.

He’d left one of his mother’s wedding jewels with a loan shark, as collateral for a cash loan. It was a necklace inset with small rubies. Vikram repaid the debt, but the shark refused to return the necklace. He told him to collect it in Goa, in person. Knowing that the shark respected the Sanjay Company mafia gang I worked for, Vikram asked me to visit him.

I’d done it, and I’d retrieved the necklace, but Vikram had overestimated the loan shark’s respect for the mafia Company. He kept me waiting for a week of wasted time, ducking out of one meeting after another, leaving offensive messages about me and the Sanjay Company until finally agreeing to hand the necklace over.

By then, it was too late. He was a shark, and the mafia Company he’d insulted was a shark boat. I called in four local guys who worked for the Sanjay Company. We beat the gangsters that stood between him and us until they ran.

We confronted the shark. He handed over the necklace. Then one of the local guys beat him, in a fair fight, and kept on beating him, in an unfair fight, until the wider point about respect was made.

‘Well?’ Vikram asked. ‘Did you get it, or not?’

‘Here,’ I said, taking the necklace from my jacket pocket and handing it to Vikram.

‘Wow! You got it! I knew I could count on you. Did Danny give you any trouble?’

‘Scratch that source of loans from your list, Vikram.’

‘Thik,’ he said. Okay.

He poured the jewelled necklace from its blue silk pouch. The rubies, fired with sunlight, bled into his cupped palms.

‘Listen, I’m… I’m gonna take this home to my Mom. Right now. Can I give you guys a lift in my cab?’

‘You’re going the other way,’ I said, as Vikram flagged down a passing cab. ‘I’m gonna walk back to my bike, at Leopold’s.’

‘If you don’t mind,’ Naveen asked softly, ‘I’d like to walk some of the way with you.’

‘Suit yourself,’ I replied, watching Vikram put the silk pouch inside his shirt for safekeeping.

He was about to step into the taxi but I stopped him, leaning in close to speak quietly.

‘What are you doing?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You can’t lie to me about drugs, Vik.’

‘What lying?’ he protested. ‘Shit, I just had a few little puffs of brown sugar, that’s all. So what? It’s Concannon’s stuff, anyway. He paid for it. I -’

‘Take it easy.’

‘I always take it easy. You know me.’

‘Some people can snap out of a habit, Vikram. Concannon might be one of them. You’re not one of them. You know that.’

He smiled, and for a few seconds the old Vikram was there: the Vikram who would’ve gone to Goa for the necklace without any help from me, or anyone else; the Vikram who wouldn’t have left a piece of his mother’s wedding jewellery with a loan shark in the first place.

The smile folded from his eyes as he got into the taxi. I watched him away, worried for the danger in what he was: an optimist, ruined by love.

I started walking again, and Naveen fell in beside me.

‘He talks about that girl, the English girl, a lot,’ Naveen said.

‘It’s one of those things that should’ve worked out, but rarely do.’

‘He talks about you a lot, too,’ Naveen said.

‘He talks too much.’

‘He talks about Karla and Didier and Lisa. But mostly he talks about you.’

‘He talks too much.’

‘He told me you escaped from prison,’ he said. ‘And that you’re on the run.’

I stopped walking.

‘Now you’re talking too much. What is this, an epidemic?’

‘No, let me explain. You helped a friend of mine, Aslan… ’

‘What?’

‘A friend of mine -’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘It was near Ballard Pier one night, late, a couple of weeks ago. You helped him out of a tight spot.’

A young man, running toward me through Ballard Estate after midnight, the wide street a merchant’s bluff of locked buildings on both sides, no escape when the others came, and the young man stopping, streetlights throwing tree shadows on the road, the young man standing to fight them alone, and then not alone.

‘What about it?’

‘He died. Three days ago. I’ve been trying to find you, but you were in Goa. I’m taking my chance to tell you now.’

‘Tell me what?’

He flinched. I was hard-faced on him, because he’d talked about the prison break, and I wanted him to get to the point.

‘He was my friend, in college,’ he said evenly. ‘He liked roaming, at night, in dangerous places. Like I do. Like you do, or else you wouldn’t have been there, to help him out that night. I thought, maybe, you’d like to know.’

‘Are you kidding?’

We were standing in thin shade. We were inches apart, while the churn of the causeway wound around us.

‘What do you mean?’

‘You put prison escape on the table, just so you can bring me the sad tidings of Aslan’s demise? Is that what you’re telling me? Are you nuts, or are you really that nice?’

‘I guess,’ he said, hurt and getting angry, ‘I’m really that nice. Too nice to think you’d take what I’m saying for anything but what it is. I regret that I troubled you. It’s the last thing I would want to do. I apologise. I’ll take my leave.’

I stopped him.

‘Wait!’ I said. ‘Wait.’

Everything about him was right: the honest stare, the confident stance, and the light in his smile. Instinct chooses her own children. My instincts liked the kid, the young man standing in front of me looking so brave and hurt. Everything about him was right, and you don’t see that often.

‘Okay, my fault,’ I said, raising a hand.

‘No problem,’ he replied, relaxing again.

‘So, let’s go back to Vikram telling you about a prison break. See, that’s the kind of information that might raise Interpol’s interest, and always raises my interest. You see that, right?’

It wasn’t a question, and he knew it.

‘Fuck Interpol.’

‘You’re a detective.’

‘Fuck detectives, too. This is the kind of information about a friend that you don’t hide from a friend, when you come to know it. Didn’t anybody ever teach you that? I grew up on these streets, right here, and I know that.’

‘But we’re not friends.’

‘Not yet,’ Naveen smiled.

I looked at him for a while.

‘You like walking?’

‘I like walking and talking,’ he said, falling into step with me in the serpent lines of people traffic.

‘Fuck Interpol,’ he said again, after a while.

‘You really do like talking, don’t you?’

‘And walking.’

‘Okay, so tell me three very short walking stories.’

‘Sure. Fine. Walking story number one?’

‘Dennis.’

‘You know,’ Naveen laughed, dodging a woman carrying a huge bundle of scrap papers on her head, ‘that was my first time there, too. Other than what you saw with your own eyes, I can only tell you what I’ve heard.’

‘So heard me.’

‘His parents died. Hit him pretty hard, they say. They were loaded. They had the patent for something, and it was worth a lot. Sixty million, to Dennis.’

‘That’s not a sixty-million-dollar room back there.’

‘His money’s in trust,’ he replied, ‘while he’s in his trance.’

‘While he’s lying down, you mean?’

‘It’s more than lying down. Dennis is in a state of Samadhi when he sleeps. His heartbeat and his breathing slow down until they approach zero. Quite often, he’s technically dead.’

‘You’re fuckin’ with me, detective.’

‘No,’ he laughed. ‘Several doctors have signed death certificates in the last year, but Dennis always woke up again. Jamal, the One Man Show, has a collection of them.’

‘Okay, so Dennis is occasionally technically dead. That must be tough on his priest, and his accountant.’

‘While he’s in his trance, Dennis’s estate is managed in trust, leaving him enough to buy the apartment we just visited, and maintain himself in a manner suitable to the parameters of his trance states.’

‘Did you hear all this, or detective it?’

‘Bit of both.’

‘Well,’ I said, pausing a while to let a car reverse in front of us. ‘Whatever his gig, I can truly say I never saw anyone lie down better in my life.’

‘No contest,’ Naveen grinned.

We both thought about it for a while.

‘Second story?’ Naveen asked.

‘Concannon,’ I said, moving on.

‘He boxes at my gym. I don’t know a lot about him, but I can tell you two things.’

‘Which are?’

‘He has a mean left hook that bangs a gong, but it leaves him dipping if it misses.’

‘Uh-huh?’

‘Every time. He jabs with the left, punches with the right, and always brings the left hook straight over the top of it, leaving himself wide open if he doesn’t connect. But he’s quick, and he doesn’t miss often. He’s pretty good.’

‘And?’

‘Second, I can say he’s the only guy I met who got me through the door to see Dennis. Dennis loves him. He stayed awake longer for him than anybody else. I heard that he wants to legally adopt Concannon. It’s difficult, because Concannon is older than Dennis, and I don’t know if there’s a legal precedent for an Indian adopting a white man.’

‘What do you mean, he got you through the door?’

‘There’s thousands of people who’d like to have an audience with Dennis, while he’s in his trance. They believe that while he’s temporarily dead, he can communicate with the permanently dead. Almost nobody can get in.’

‘Unless you walk up, and knock on the door.’

‘You don’t get it. Nobody would dare to walk up and knock on the door, while Dennis is in his trance.’

‘Come on.’

‘Nobody, that is, until you did.’

‘We already covered Dennis,’ I said, pausing to let a four-man handcart pass. ‘Back to Concannon.’

‘Like I said, he boxes at my gym. He’s a street fighter. I don’t know much about him. He seems like a party guy. He loves a party.’

‘He’s got a mouth on him. You don’t keep a mouth like that to his age without having something to back it up.’

‘Are you saying I should watch him?’

‘Only the wrong side of him.’

‘And the third story?’ he asked.

I left the road where we’d been walking, and straddled the hand-width footpath for a few steps.

‘Where are we going?’ he asked, following me.

‘I’m going to get a juice.’

‘A juice?’

‘It’s a hot day. What’s the matter with you?’

‘Oh, nothing. Cool. I love juice.’

Thirty-nine degrees in Bombay, chilled watermelon juice, fans too close to your head turned up to three: bliss.

‘So… what’s with the private detective thing? Is that for real?’

‘Yeah. It started by accident, kind of, but I’ve been doing it for almost a year now.’

‘What kind of accident turns someone into a detective?’

‘I was doing a law degree,’ he smiled. ‘Got most of the way there. In my final year, I was researching a paper on private detectives, and how they impact the court system. Pretty soon, the only thing that interested me was the detective part of it, and I dropped out, to give it a shot.’

‘How’s it working out?’

He laughed.

‘Divorce is healthier than the stock exchange, and way more predictable. I did a few divorce cases, but I stopped. I was with another guy. He was teaching me the ropes. He’s been scoping divorce for thirty-five years, and still loves it. I didn’t. It was always unique for the married men, having the affairs. It was always the same sad movie for me.’

‘And since you left the lush pastures of divorce?’

‘I’ve found two missing pets, a missing husband, and a missing casserole dish so far,’ he said. ‘It seems that all of my clients, God bless them, are people too lazy or polite to do it for themselves.’

‘But you like it, the detective thing. You get a rush, right?’

‘You know, I think at this end of the story you get the truth. As a lawyer you’re only ever allowed a version of the truth. This is the real thing, even if it’s just a stolen heirloom casserole dish. It’s the real story, before everybody lies about it.’

‘Are you gonna stick with it?’

‘I don’t know,’ he smiled, looking away again. ‘Depends on how good I am, I guess.’

‘Or how bad you are.’

‘Or how bad I am.’

‘We’re already on story number three,’ I said. ‘Naveen Adair, Indian-Irish private detective.’

He laughed, white teeth foaming in the wake of it, but the wave faded quickly.

‘Not much to it, really.’

‘Naveen Adair,’ I pronounced. ‘Which part kicked you in the arse more, the Indian part, or the Irish part?’

‘Too Anglo for the Indians,’ he laughed, ‘and too Indian for the Anglos. My father… ’

Jagged peaks and lost valleys, for too many of us, are the lands called father. Climbing one of those peaks beside him, I waited until he crested the conversation again.

‘We lived on the footpath, after he abandoned my Mother. We were on the street, until I was five, but I don’t really remember it much.’

‘What happened?’

He raised his gaze to the street, eyes floating on the tide of colour and emotion, moving back and forth.

‘He had tuberculosis,’ the young detective said. ‘He made a will, naming my Mother, and it turned out that he’d made a lot of money, somehow, so we were suddenly rich, and… ’

‘Everything changed.’

He looked at me as if he’d told me too much.

The fan, only inches from my head, was giving me an ice-cream headache. I gestured to the waiter, and asked him to turn it down a notch.

‘You’re cold?’ he scoffed, his hand on the switch. ‘Let me show you cold.’

He turned the fan to blizzard five. I felt my cheeks beginning to freeze. We paid the bill and left, hearing his goodbye.

‘Table two, free again!’

‘I love that place,’ Naveen said as we left.

‘You do?’

‘Yeah. Great juice, nasty waiters. Perfect.’

‘You and I might get along, detective. We might just get along.’

Chapter Two

The past, beloved enemy, has bad timing. Those Bombay days come back to me so vividly and suddenly that sometimes I’m shaken from the hour I’m in, and lost to the task. A smile, a song, and I’m back there, sleeping sunny mornings away, riding a motorcycle on a mountain road, or tied and beaten and begging Fate for an even break. And I love every minute of it, every minute of friend or foe, of flight and forgiveness: every minute of life. But the past has a way of taking you to the right place at the wrong time, and that can be a storm inside.

I should be bitter, I guess, after some of the things I’ve done, and had done to me. People tell me I should be bitter. A con once said, You’d be a top bloke, if you just had a little spite in you. But I was born without it, and I’ve never known spite or bitterness. I got angry and I got desperate and did bad things too often, until I stopped, but I never hated anyone, or consciously wished anyone harm, not even men who tortured me. And while a small measure of bitterness might’ve protected me from time to time, as it sometimes does, I’ve learned that sweet memories don’t walk through cynical doors. And I love my memories, even when they have bad timing: remembered minutes of sunlight staking out patches on tree-lined Bombay streets, of fearless girls flashing through traffic on scooters, of handcart pullers straining under the load but smiling, and those first memories of a young Indian-Irish detective named Naveen Adair.

We walked on the road silently for a while, passing between cars and streams of people, swaying back and forth between the bicycles and handcarts in the dance of the street.

In the wide doorway of the Fire Brigade building, a group of men in heavy navy-blue uniforms chatted and laughed. Inside the firehouse there were two large fire trucks, shimmering sunlight from every polished red or chrome surface.

An extravagantly decorated Hanuman shrine was fixed to one wall, and beside it a sign said:

IF YOU CAN’T STAND THE HEAT,

GET OUT OF THE BURNING BUILDING.

Further along, we entered the shopping district, spilling out from the Colaba market. Glass merchants, picture framers, timber and hardware stores, electrical goods, and plumbers’ supplies gradually gave way to clothing, jewellery and food stores.

At the wide entrance to the market itself we had to stop, as several heavy trucks made their way out into the maul of traffic on the main road.

‘Listen,’ he said as we waited. ‘You were right, about Vikram talking too much. But it ends with me. I’ll never talk about it to anyone else but you. Never. And if you ever need me, hey, man, I’m there. That’s all I’m trying to say. For Aslan, and what you did that night, if you don’t want it to be for you.’

It wasn’t the first time that I looked out from the red exile my life had become, into eyes alight with fires, burning on cliff-tops of the word escape. In my fugitive years, I sometimes found fast friendship in the song of rebellion: in the loyalty others pledged to my escape from the system, as much as to me.

They wanted me to stay free, in part, because they wanted someone to escape and stay free. I smiled at Naveen. It wasn’t the first or last time I went with the river inside.

‘How do you do,’ I said, offering my hand. ‘I’m Lin. I’m not a doctor in the slum.’

‘Pleased to meet you,’ Naveen replied, shaking my hand. ‘I’m Naveen, and thank you. It’s always good to know who’s not the doctor.’

‘And who’s not the police,’ I added. ‘How about a drink?’

‘Don’t mind if we do,’ he replied graciously.

Just at that moment I had the sense of someone standing too close to my back. I turned hard.

‘Hang about!’ Gemini George protested. ‘Easy does it with the shirt, mate. That’s fifty per cent of my wardrobe, I’ll have you know!’

I could feel the bones of his thin body against my knuckles as I released my grip.

‘Sorry, man,’ I said, straightening the front of his shirt. ‘Creepin’ up on people like that. Should know better, Gemini. It’ll end in tears one day.’

‘My fault, mate,’ Gemini George apologised, looking around nervously. ‘Got a bit of a problem like, y’know?’

I put my hand in my pocket, but Gemini stopped me.

‘Not that sort of problem, mate. Well, to be honest, that is a problem, but it’s such a constant problem, you know, bein’ broke, that it’s become more of a meta-cultural statement, sort of a grim but compelling penury soundtrack, know what I mean?’

‘No, man,’ I said, handing him some money. ‘What’s the problem?’

‘Can you wait? I’ll just get Scorpio.’

‘Sure.’

Gemini looked left and right.

‘You’ll wait?’

I nodded and he ducked away past a nearby stall that offered small marble figures of gods for sale.

‘Mind if I hang with you?’ Naveen asked.

‘No problem,’ I said. ‘No secrets are safe with Gemini and Scorpio, especially their own. They could have their own radio station. I’d listen, if they did.’

Moments later Gemini reappeared, dragging the reluctant Scorpio with him.

The Zodiac Georges, one George from south London and the other from Canada, were inseparable street guys. They were mildly addicted to seven drugs, and completely addicted to one another. They slept in a relatively comfortable warehouse doorway, and made a living running errands, sourcing drugs for foreign customers, and occasionally selling information to gangsters.

They bickered and fought from the first yawn to the last stumble into sleep, but they loved each other, and were so constant in their friendship that everyone who knew them loved the Zodiac Georges for it: Gemini George from London, and Scorpio George from Canada.

‘Sorry, Lin,’ Scorpio mumbled, when Gemini dragged him close. ‘I was under cover, like. It’s this trouble with the CIA. You must’ve heard about it.’

‘The CIA? Can’t say I have. But I’ve been in Goa. What’s up?’

‘There’s this geezer,’ Gemini cut in, while his taller friend nodded quickly. ‘Snow-white hair, but not an old guy, with a dark blue suit and tie, a businessman type -’

‘Or the CIA,’ Scorpio cut in, leaning close to whisper.

‘For Chrissakes, Scorpio!’ Gemini spluttered. ‘What the fuck would the CIA want with the likes of us?’

‘They have these machines that can read our minds,’ Scorpio whispered, ‘even through walls.’

‘If they can read our minds, there’s no point whisperin’, is there?’ Gemini demanded.

‘Maybe they already programmed us to whisper, while they read our minds.’

‘If they read your mind, they’ll run screamin’ through the streets, you fuckin’ twat. It’s a wonder I don’t run screamin’ through the streets n’all, innit?’

There was no reliable map of the sidetracks the Zodiac Georges took when argument meandered, and no time limit. I usually liked it, but not always.

‘Tell me about the white-haired guy in the suit.’

‘We don’t know who he is, Lin,’ Gemini said, returning to the moment. ‘But he’s been askin’ about Scorpio at Leopold’s and other places for the last two days.’

‘It’s the CIA,’ Scorpio repeated, his eyes looking for somewhere to hide.

Gemini looked at me, his face crying why-was-I-born. He tried to be patient. He took a breath. It didn’t work.

‘If it’s the CIA, and they can read our minds,’ he shouted at Scorpio through clenched teeth, ‘they’d hardly be goin’ round askin’ questions about us, would they? They’d just walk right up, tap us on the shoulder and say Hey! We just read your mind, old son, with our mind-reading machine, and we didn’t have to ask questions about you, or follow you around, because we have mind-reading machines that read people’s minds, because we’re the fucking CIA, wouldn’t they? Wouldn’t they?’

‘Well… ’

‘Was he asking after you by name?’ Naveen asked, his young face serious. ‘And is he asking after both of you, or just Scorpio?’

Both men looked at Naveen.

‘This is Naveen Adair,’ I said. ‘He’s a private detective.’

There was a pause.

‘Fuckin’ hell,’ Gemini muttered. ‘Not very private, is it, goin’ round announcin’ it, right here in the fruit and vegetable market? That’s more like a public detective, innit?’

Naveen laughed.

‘You didn’t answer my questions,’ he said.

There was another pause.

‘What… kind of detective is he?’ Scorpio asked suspiciously.

‘He’s a detective,’ I said. ‘It’s like a priest, you pay once. Answer the questions, Scorpio.’

‘You know,’ Scorpio said, looking at Naveen thoughtfully, ‘come to think of it, the guy has only been asking after me, not Gemini.’

‘Where’s he staying?’ Naveen asked.

‘We don’t know yet,’ Gemini said. ‘We didn’t take it seriously, at first. But now, it’s been two days. It’s startin’ to get a bit spooky for Scorpio, and he’s spooked enough, know what I mean? One of the street boys has been followin’ the white-haired geezer today, and we should know where he’s stayin’ pretty soon.’

‘If you want, I’ll look into it,’ Naveen said softly.

Gemini and Scorpio looked at me. I shrugged.

‘Yeah,’ Scorpio agreed quickly. ‘Hell, yeah. Please try to find out who this guy is, if you can.’

‘We’ve gotta get to the bottom of this,’ Gemini added fervently. ‘Scorpio’s got me so aggravated, I woke up with me hands around me own neck, this mornin’. It’s come to a pretty pass, when a man strangles himself in his own sleep.’

‘What should we do now?’ Scorpio asked.

‘Stay out of sight, as much as possible,’ Naveen said. ‘Let Lin know, if you find out where the guy’s staying. Or leave a message for me at the Natraj building, on Merewether. Naveen Adair.’

There was a little silence while the Zodiac Georges looked at one another, then at Naveen, then back at me.

‘Sounds like a plan,’ I said, shaking hands with Gemini.

The money I’d given him was enough for at least two of their favourite drugs, a few soft days in a rough hotel, clean clothes from their frequently unpaid laundry man, and a diet of the Bengali desserts they loved.

They wriggled into the camouflage of the crowded street, Scorpio stooping to put his head beside the Londoner’s as they walked.

‘What do you make of it?’ I asked Naveen.

‘I’m smelling lawyer,’ he replied carefully. ‘I’ll see what pops up from the toaster. I can’t guarantee a result. I’m an amateur, remember.’

‘An amateur is anyone who hasn’t learned how not to do it,’ I said.

‘Not bad. Is that a quote?’

‘It is.’

‘Who said it?’

‘A woman I know. What’s it to you?’

‘Can I meet her?’

‘No.’

‘Please.’

‘What is it with you and meeting hard-to-meet people?’

‘It was Karla, wasn’t it? An amateur is anyone who hasn’t learned how not to do it. Nice.’

I stopped, standing close to him.

‘Let’s make a deal,’ I said. ‘You don’t mention Karla again, to me.’

‘That’s not a deal,’ he said, smiling easily.

‘Glad you understand. We were not minding if we do have a drink, remember?’

We walked into Leopold’s beer-and-curry-scented cave. It was late afternoon, the lull before the storm of tourists, drug dealers, black marketers, racketeers, actors, students, gangsters, and good girls with an eye for bad boys squalled in through the wide arches to shout, eat, drink and chance their souls on the wet roulette of Leopold’s thirty restaurant tables.

It was Didier’s favourite time in the bar, nudging out second place, which was every other hour that the bar was open, and I found him sitting alone at his regular table, set against the back wall, with a clear view of all three entrances.

He was reading a newspaper, holding the pages at arm’s length.

‘Holy shit, Didier! A newspaper! You should warn people about a shock like that.’

I turned to the waiter, uneponymously named Sweetie, who was loitering with intent, his pink nametag loitering sideways on his jacket.

‘What’s the matter with you, Sweetie? You should’ve put a sign outside, or something.’

‘Fuck you very much,’ Sweetie replied, shifting a match from one side of his mouth to the other with his tongue.

Didier tossed the newspaper aside, and hugged me.

‘You wear the sun well,’ he said.

He held me for a moment, examining me with forensic thoroughness.

‘You look like the stand-out. That is the expression? Not the star actor, but the one who takes all the punishment.’

‘The expression is stand-in, but I’ll take stand-out. Say hello to another stand-out, Naveen Adair.’

‘Ah, the detective!’ Didier said, shaking hands warmly, and running a professional eye over Naveen’s tall, athletic frame. ‘I’ve heard all about you, from my journalist friend, Kavita Singh.’

‘She covered you, too,’ Naveen replied with a smile. ‘And may I say, it’s an honour to meet the man behind all the stories.’

‘I did not expect a young man of such impeccable manners,’ Didier responded quickly, gesturing toward the chairs, and signalling to Sweetie. ‘What will you have? Beers? Sweetie! Three very chilled beers, please!’

‘Fuck you very much,’ Sweetie mumbled, his end-of-shift slippers dragging to the kitchen.

‘He’s a repellent brute,’ Didier said, watching Sweetie leave. ‘But I feel myself strangely drawn to the effortlessness of his misery.’

We were three men at the table, but we all sat in a line with our backs to the wall, facing across the scatter of tables to the wide arches, open to the street. Didier let his eyes rove around the restaurant: a castaway, scanning the horizon.

‘Well,’ he said, inclining his head toward me. ‘The adventure in Goa?’

I took a small package of letters wrapped in blue ribbons from my pocket, and handed it across. Didier took the bundle and cradled it in his palms for a moment, as if it were an injured bird.

‘Did you… did you have to beat him for them?’ he asked me, still staring at the letters.

‘No.’

‘Oh,’ he sighed, looking up quickly.

‘Should I have?’

‘No, of course, not,’ Didier explained, sniffing back a tear. ‘Didier could not pay for such a thing.’

‘You didn’t pay me at all.’

‘Technically, in paying nothing, I am still paying. Am I right, Naveen?’

‘I have no idea what you’re talking about,’ Naveen replied. ‘So, of course, I agree with everything.’

‘It’s just,’ Didier sniffed, looking at the letters, ‘I rather thought he might have put up some little fight, perhaps, to keep my love letters. Some… some show of lingering affection.’

I recalled the look of simian hatred on the face of Gustavo, Didier’s ex-lover, as he screamed curses on Didier’s genitals, and hurled the little bundle of letters into a rubbish pit below the back window of his bungalow.

I had to pierce his ear with my thumbnail to make him climb into the pit, retrieve the letters, wipe them clean and hand them to me.

‘No,’ I said. ‘Affection has moved on.’

‘Well, thank you, Lin,’ Didier sighed, putting the letters in his lap as the beers arrived. ‘I would have gone down there myself to get the letters, but for that little matter of the outstanding arrest warrant in my name, in Goa.’

‘You’ve gotta keep track of these warrants, Didier,’ I said. ‘I can’t keep up. You could paper a room with my fake yellow slips. It’s wearing me out, clearing you of all charges.’

‘But there are only four outstanding arrest warrants in all of India, Lin.’

‘Only four?’

‘At one time, it was nine. I think it must be that I am becoming… reformed,’ Didier puffed, curling his lips at the distasteful word.

‘A slander,’ Naveen observed.

‘Why, thank you. You… are a very agreeable young man. Do you like guns?’

‘I’m not good with relationships,’ Naveen answered, finishing his beer and standing. ‘I can only bond with the gun in my hand.’

‘I can help you with that,’ Didier laughed.

‘I’ll bet you can,’ Naveen laughed back. ‘Lin, that guy in the suit, the one following the Zodiac Georges, I’ll look into it, and get back to you here.’

‘Be careful. We don’t know what this is, yet.’

‘It’s cool,’ he smiled, all fearless, immortal youth. ‘I’ll take my leave. Didier, it has been a pleasure and an honour. Goodbye.’

We watched him out into the early evening haze. Didier’s brows edged together.

‘What?’ I asked him.

‘Nothing!’ he protested.

‘What, Didier?’

‘I said nothing!’

‘I know, but I also know that look.’

‘What look?’ he demanded, as if I’d accused him of stealing my drink.

Didier Levy was in his mid-forties. The first powder snow of winter wove spirals through his dark, curly hair. Soft, brilliantly blue irises hovered in the anemone patchwork of red veins filling the whites of his eyes, making him seem young and dissolute in the same smile: the mischievous boy still hiding inside the ruining man.

He drank any kind of alcohol, at any time of the day or night, dressed like a dandy, long after other dandies melted in the heat, smoked tailor-made joints from a bespoke cigarette case, was a professional at most crimes, the master of a few, and was openly gay, in a city where that was still an oxymoron.

I’d known him for five years, through struggles against enemies, within and without. He was brave: the kind of man who’ll face a gun with you and never run, no matter what the fall.

He was authentic. He expressed the uniqueness when what we are, is what we’re free to become. I’d known him through lost loves, alarming lust, and kneeling epiphanies, his and mine. And I’d spent enough of those long, lonely wolf nights with him to love him.

‘That look,’ I repeated. ‘The look that says you know something that everybody else should know. The look that says I told you so, before you tell me anything at all. So tell me, before you told me so.’

Didier’s outraged expression crumbled in smiles, and fell into a laugh.

‘It is more of a told me so,’ he said. ‘I like that boy very much. More than I expected to. And more than I should, because this Naveen Adair, he has a reputation.’

‘If reputations were votes, we’d be presidents of somewhere.’

‘True,’ he replied. ‘But this boy’s reputation carries a warning. A word to the wise, isn’t that the expression?’

‘It is, but I’ve always wondered why the wise need a word.’

‘It is said that he is very, very good with his fists. He was a boxing champion at his university. He could have been the champion of India. His fists are deadly weapons. And as I have heard, he is very quick, too quick perhaps, to provoke into using them.’

‘You’re no slouch in the provoking department, Didier. And it doesn’t take a stick through the bars to get me going.’

‘Many men have already fallen to their knees before that young life. It is not a good thing, in a man so young, to see so much submission. There is a lot of blood behind that charming young smile.’

‘There’s a lot of blood behind your charming smile, my friend.’

‘Thank you,’ he nodded, accepting the compliment with a little toss of the greying curls. ‘I’m simply saying that from what I have heard, I would very much prefer to shoot that handsome young fellow than to fight him.’

‘Then it’s a lucky thing you carry a gun.’

‘I’m… if you’ll excuse the lapse… being serious, Lin, and you know how much contempt I have for serious things.’

‘I’ll keep it in mind. Promise. I’d better go.’

‘You’re leaving me here to drink alone, and you’re going home to her?’ Didier mocked. ‘You think she’s waiting for you, after almost three weeks in Goa? What makes you think she hasn’t left you for some greener pastures, as the English say, with such charming provincialism.’

‘I love you, too, brother,’ I said, shaking his hand.

I walked out into the breathing street, turning once to see him holding up the little bundle of love letters I’d retrieved for him, and waving goodbye.

It stopped me. I felt, as I too often did, that I was abandoning him. It was foolish, I knew: Didier was arguably the most self-sufficient contrabandist in the city. He was one of the last independent gangsters, owing nothing, not even fear, to the mafia Companies, cops and street gangs that controlled his illegal world.

But there are some people, some loves, that worry every goodbye, and leaving them is like leaving the country of your birth.

Didier, my old friend, Naveen, my new friend, and Bombay, my Island City, for so long as she’d have me: each of us dangerous, in our different ways.

The man I was, when I arrived in Bombay years before, was a stranger in a new jungle. The man I became looked out at strangers, from the cover of the jungle street. I was at home. I knew my way around. And I was harder, maybe, because something inside me was missing: something that should’ve been there, next to my heart.

I escaped from prison, Didier escaped from persecution, Naveen escaped from the street, and the southern city escaped from the sea, hurled into its island existence by working men and women, one stone at a time.

I waved goodbye, and Didier smiled, touching the love letters to his forehead. I smiled back, and it was okay: okay to leave him.

No smile would work, no goodbye would pray, no kindness would save, if the truth inside us wasn’t beautiful. And the true heart of us, our human kind, is that we’re connected, at our best, by purities of love found in no other creature.

Chapter Three

It was a short ride from Leopold’s to my apartment. I left the busy tourist causeway, crossed the road past the Colaba police station, and cruised on to the corner known to every taxi driver in Bombay as Electric House.

A right turn down the leafy street beside the police station gave me a view into a corner of the cellblock. I’d spent time in those cells.

My rebel eyes found the high, barred windows as I rode by slowly. A little cascade, memories, the stink of open latrines, the mass of men fighting for a slightly cleaner place near the gate bullied through my mind.

At the next corner I turned through the gate that gave access to the courtyard of the Beaumont Villa building, and parked my bike. Nodding to the watchman, I took the stairs three at a time to the third-floor apartment.

I entered, ringing the bell a few times. I walked through the living room to the kitchen, dropping my bag and keys on the table as I passed. Not finding her there or in the bedroom, I moved back into the living room.

‘Hi, honey,’ I called out, in an American accent. ‘I’m home.’

Her laugh rippled from behind the swirling curtains on the terrace. When I shoved the curtains aside I found her kneeling, with her hands in the earth of a garden about the size of an open suitcase. A little flock of pigeons crowded around her, pecking for crumbs, and pestering one another fussily.

‘You go to all the trouble of making a garden out here, girl,’ I said, ‘and then you let the birds walk all over it.’

‘You don’t get it,’ Lisa replied, turning aquamarine eyes on me. ‘I made the garden to bring the birds. It’s the birds I wanted in the first place.’

‘You’re my flock of birds,’ I said, when she stood to kiss me.

‘Oh, great,’ she mocked. ‘The writer’s home again.’

‘And so damn pleased to see you,’ I smiled, beginning to drag her with me toward the bedroom.

‘My hands are dirty!’ she protested.

‘I hope so.’

‘No, really,’ she laughed, breaking away. ‘We’ve gotta take a shower -’

‘I hope so.’

‘You’ve gotta take a shower,’ she persisted, circling away from me, ‘and change your clothes, right away.’

‘Clothes?’ I mocked back at her. ‘We don’t need no stinking clothes.’

‘Yes, we do. We’re going out.’

‘Lisa, I just got back. Two weeks.’

‘Nearly three weeks,’ she corrected me. ‘And there’ll be plenty of time to say hello, before we say goodnight. I promise.’

‘Hello is sounding a lot like goodbye.’

‘Hello is always the first part of goodbye. Go get wet.’

‘Where are we going?’

‘You’ll love it.’

‘That means I’m gonna hate it, aren’t I?’

‘An art gallery.’

‘Oh. Great.’

‘Fuck you,’ she laughed. ‘These guys are good. They’re on the edge, Lin. They’re real-deal artists. You’re gonna love them. And it’s a really important show. And if we don’t hurry, we’ll be late. And I’m so glad you got back in time.’

I frowned.

‘Come on, Lin,’ she laughed. ‘Without art, what is there?’

‘Sex,’ I replied. ‘And food. And more sex.’

‘There’ll be plenty of food at the gallery,’ she said, shoving me toward the shower. ‘And just think how grateful your little flock of birds will be when you come home from the art gallery that she really, really, really wants you to take her to, and that we’ll miss, if you don’t hit the shower right now!’

I was pulling my shirt off over my head in the stall. She turned on the shower behind me. Water crashed onto my back and my jeans.

‘Hey!’ I shouted. ‘These are my best jeans!’

‘And you’ve been in them for weeks,’ she called back from the kitchen. ‘Second-best jeans tonight, please.’

‘And I’ve still got your present,’ I shouted. ‘Right here, in the pocket of these jeans you just got soaking wet!’

She was at the door.

‘You got me a present?’ she asked.

‘Of course.’

‘Good. Very sweet. Let’s look at it later.’

She slipped out of sight again.

‘Yeah,’ I called back. ‘Let’s do that. After all that fun at the gallery.’

As I finished the shower, I heard her humming, a song from a Hindi movie. By chance, or by the synchronicities that curl within the spiral chambers of love, it was the same song that I’d been singing on the street, walking with Vikram and Naveen only hours before.

And later, as we gathered our things for the ride, we hummed and sang the song together.

Bombay traffic is a system designed by acrobats for small elephants. Twenty minutes of motorcycle fun got us to Cumballa Hill, a money belt district hitched to the hips of South Bombay’s most prestigious mountain.

I pulled my motorcycle into a parking area opposite the fashionably controversial Backbeat Gallery, at the commencement of fashionably orthodox Carmichael Road. Expensive imported cars and expensive local personalities drew up outside the gallery.

Lisa led us inside, working her way through the densely packed crowd. The long room held perhaps twice the safety limit of one hundred and fifty persons, a number that was conspicuously displayed on a fire-safety sign near the entrance.

If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the burning building.

She found one of her friends at last, and pulled me into an anatomically close introduction.

‘This is Rosanna,’ Lisa said, squeezed in beside a short girl who wore a large, ornate gold crucifix, with the nailed feet of the Saviour nestled between her breasts. ‘This is Lin. He just got back from Goa.’

‘We meet at last,’ Rosanna said, her chest pressing against mine as she raised a hand to run it through her short, spiked hair.

Her accent was American, but with Indian vowels.

‘What took you to Goa?’

‘Love letters and rubies,’ I said.

Rosanna glanced quickly at Lisa.

‘Don’t look at me,’ Lisa sighed, shrugging her shoulders.

‘You are so fucking weird, man!’ Rosanna cried out, in a voice like a parrot’s panic warning. ‘Come with me! You’ve got to meet Taj. Weird is his favourite thing, yaar.’

Wriggling her way through the crowd, Rosanna took us to meet a tall, handsome young man with shoulder-length hair that was sleek with perfumed oil. He was standing in front of a large stone sculpture, some three metres tall, of a wild man-creature.

The plaque beside the sculpture pronounced its name: ENKIDU. The artist greeted Lisa with a kiss on the cheek, and then offered his hand to me.

‘Taj,’ he said, giving me a smile of open curiosity. ‘You must be Lin. Lisa’s told me a lot about you.’

I shook his hand, allowed my eyes to search his for a moment, and then shifted my gaze to the huge sculpture behind him. He turned his head slightly, following my eyes.

‘What do you think?’

‘I like him,’ I said. ‘If the ceiling in my apartment was a little higher, and the floor a little stronger, I’d buy him.’

‘Thanks,’ he laughed.

He reached upwards to put a hand on the chest of the stone warrior.

‘I really don’t know what he is. I just had a compulsion to see him, standing in front of me. It’s not any more complicated than that. No metaphor or psychology or anything.’

‘Goethe said that all things are metaphors.’

‘That’s pretty good,’ he said, laughing again, the soft bark-brown eyes swimming with light. ‘Can I quote that? I might print it out, and put it beside my friend here. It might help me to sell him.’

‘Of course. Writers never really die, until people stop quoting them.’

‘That’s quite enough for this corner,’ Rosanna interrupted, seizing my arm. ‘Now, come see some of my work.’

She guided Lisa and me through the smoking, drinking, laughing, shouting crowd to the wall opposite the tall sculpture. Spanning half the long wall at eye level was a series of plaster reliefs. The panels had been painted to mimic a classical bronze finish, and told a story in consecutive panels.

‘It’s about the Sapna killings,’ Rosanna explained, shouting into my ear. ‘You remember? A couple of years ago? This crazy guy was telling servants to rise up against their rich masters, and kill them. You remember? It was in all the papers.’

I remembered the Sapna killings. And I knew the truth of the story better than Rosanna did, and better than most in the Island City of Bombay. I walked slowly from panel to panel, examining the long tableaux depicting figures from the public story of Sapna.

I felt light-headed and off balance. They were stories of men I’d known: men who’d killed, and died, and had finally become tiny figures fixed in an artist’s frieze.

Lisa pulled on my sleeve.

‘What is it, Lisa?’

‘Let’s go to the green room!’ she shouted.

‘Okay. Okay.’

We followed Rosanna through a leafy hedge of kisses and outstretched arms as she hooted and screeched her way to the back of the gallery. She tapped on the door with a little rhythmic signal.

When the door opened she pushed us through into a dark room illuminated by red motorcycle lights strung on heavy cables.

The room held about twenty people, sitting on chairs, couches and the floor. It was much quieter there. The girl who approached me, offering a joint, spoke in a throaty whisper that ran a hand through my short hair.

‘You wanna get fucked up?’ she asked rhetorically, offering the joint in her supernaturally long fingers.

‘You’re too late,’ Lisa cut in quickly, taking the joint. ‘Fate beat you to it, Anush.’

She puffed the joint and passed it back to the girl.

‘This is Anushka,’ Lisa said.

As we shook hands, Anushka’s long fingers closed all the way around my palm.

‘Anushka’s a performance artist,’ Lisa said.

‘You don’t say,’ I did say.

Anushka leaned in close to kiss me softly on the neck, the fingers of one hand cupping the back of my head.

‘Tell me when to stop,’ she whispered.

As she kissed my neck, I slowly turned my head until my eyes met Lisa’s.

‘You know, Lisa, you were right. I do like your friends. And I am having fun at the gallery, even though I thought I wouldn’t.’

‘Okay,’ Lisa said, pulling Anushka away. ‘Show’s over.’

‘Encore!’ I tried.

‘No encores,’ Lisa said, bringing me to sit on the floor beside a man in his thirties.

His head was shaved to a bright polish, and he wore a burnt-orange kurta pyjama set.

‘This is Rish. He mounted the exhibition, and he’s exhibiting work as well. Rish, this is Lin.’

‘Hey, man,’ Rish said, shaking hands. ‘How do you like the show?’

‘The performance art is outstanding,’ I replied, looking around to see Anushka leaning in to bite an unresisting victim.

Lisa slapped me hard on the arm.

‘I’m kidding. It’s all good. And you got a big crowd. Congratulations.’

‘Hope they’re in a buying mood,’ Lisa said, thinking out loud.

‘If they’re not, Anushka could convince them.’

Lisa slapped me on the arm again.

‘Or you could always get Lisa to slap them.’

‘We were lucky,’ Rish smiled, offering me the joint.

‘No thanks. Never when I’ve got a passenger. Lucky how?’

‘It almost didn’t happen. Did you see the big Ram painting? The orange one?’

The large, mainly orange-coloured painting was hanging next to the stone sculpture of Enkidu. I hadn’t immediately realised that the striking central figure was a representation of the Hindu God.

‘The moral police from the lunatic religious right,’ Rish said, ‘the Spear of Karma, they call themselves, they heard about the painting and tried to shut us down. We got in touch with Taj’s dad. He’s a top lawyer, and connected to the Chief Minister. He got a court order, allowing us to put the show on.’

‘Who painted it?’

‘I did,’ Rish said. ‘Why?’

‘What made you want to paint it in the first place?’

‘Are you saying that there are things I shouldn’t paint?’

‘I’m asking you why you chose to do it.’

‘For the freedom of art,’ Rish said.

‘Viva la revolution,’ Anushka purred, sitting down beside Rish and leaning into his lap.

‘Whose freedom?’ I asked. ‘Yours, or theirs?’

‘Spear of Karma?’ Rosanna sneered. ‘Crazy fascist fuckers, all of them. They’re nothing. Just a fringe group. Nobody listens to them.’

‘The fringe usually works its way to the centre that ignores or insults it.’

‘What?’ Rosanna spluttered.

‘That’s true, Lin,’ Rish agreed, ‘and they’ve done some violent stuff. No doubt. But they’re mainly in the regional centres and the villages. Beating up priests, and burning down a church here and there, that’s their thing. They’ll never get a big following in Bombay.’

‘Vicious fucking fanatics!’ a bearded young man wearing a pink shirt spat out viciously. ‘They’re the stupidest people in the world!’

‘I don’t think you can say that,’ I said softly.

‘I just did!’ the young man shot back. ‘So fuck you. I just said it. So I can say it.’

‘Okay. I meant that you can’t say it with any validity. Sure, you can say it. You can say that the moon is a Diwali decoration, but it wouldn’t have any validity. It’s simply not valid to say that all the people who oppose you are stupid.’

‘Then what are they?’ Rish asked.

‘I think you probably know them and their way of thinking better than I do.’

‘No, really, make your point, please.’

‘Okay, I think they’re devout. And not just devout, but fervently devout. I think they’re in love with God, infatuated with God, actually, and when their God is depicted without faith, it’s felt as an insult to the faith inside themselves.’

‘So, you’re saying I shouldn’t have been allowed to put on this show?’ Rish pressed.

‘I didn’t say that.’

‘Who the fuck is this guy?’ the bearded youth asked no-one.

‘Please,’ Rish continued. ‘Tell me what you did say.’

‘I stand for your right to create and present art, but I think that rights come with responsibilities, and that we, as artists, have a responsibility not to cause feelings of hurt and injury in the name of art. In the name of truth, maybe. In the name of justice and freedom. But not in the name of art.’

‘Why not?’

‘We stand on tall shoulders, when we express ourselves as artists, and we have to stay true to the best in the artists who came before us. It’s a duty.’

‘Who the fuck is this guy?’ the bearded youth asked the string of red motorcycle lights.

‘So, if those people are offended, it’s my fault?’ Rish asked softly and earnestly.

I was beginning to like him.

‘I repeat,’ the bearded youth demanded, ‘who the fuck is this guy?’

I already didn’t like the bearded youth.

‘I’m the guy who’s gonna rearrange your grammar,’ I said quietly, ‘if you address me in the third person again.’

‘He’s a writer,’ Anushka yawned. ‘They argue, because -’

‘Because they can,’ Lisa interjected, tugging at my arm to lift me to my feet. ‘C’mon, Lin. Time to dance.’

Loud music thumped from heavy floor-mounted speakers.

‘I love this song!’ Anushka growled, jumping up and pulling Rish to his feet. ‘Dance with me, Rish!’

I held Lisa for a moment, and kissed her neck.

‘Go ahead,’ I smiled. ‘Dance your brains out. I’m gonna take another look at the exhibition. I’ll meet you outside.’

Lisa kissed me and joined the dancing crowd. I moved through the dancers, resisting the tidal roll of the music.

In the gallery room I stood before the bronze plaster reliefs that purported to tell the story of the Sapna killings. I tried to decide whether it was the artist’s nightmare, or mine.

I lost it all. I lost the custody of my daughter. I sleepwalked into heroin addiction and armed robbery. When I was caught, I was sentenced to serve ten years at hard labour, in a maximum-security prison.

I could tell you I was beaten during the first two and a half years of that sentence. I could give you half a dozen other sane reasons for escaping from an insane prison, but the truth of it’s simply that one day, freedom was more important to me than my life. And I refused, that day, to be caged. Not today. Not any more. I escaped, and became a wanted man.

The fugitive life took me from Australia, through New Zealand, to India. Six months in a remote village in Maharashtra gave me the language of farmers. Eighteen months in a city slum gave me the language of the street.

I went to prison again, in Bombay, as you do sometimes, when you’re on the run. The man who paid my freedom-ransom to the authorities was a mafia boss, Khaderbhai. He had a use for me. He had a use for everyone. And when I worked for him, no cop persecuted me in Bombay, and no prison offered hospitality.

Counterfeiting passports, smuggling, black market gold, illegal currency trading, protection rackets, gang wars, Afghanistan, vendettas: one way or another, the mafia life filled the months and years. And none of it mattered much to me, because the bridge to the past, to my family and friends, to my name and my nation and whatever I’d been before Bombay was gone, like the dead men prowling through Rosanna’s bronze-coloured frieze.

I left the gallery, made my way through the thinning crowd, and went outside to sit on my motorcycle. I was across the street from the entrance.

A crowd of people had gathered on the footpath, near my bike. Most of them were local people from servants’ quarters in the surrounding streets. They’d gathered in the cool nightfall to admire the fine cars and elegantly dressed guests entering and leaving the exhibition.

I heard people speaking in Marathi and Hindi. They commented on the cars and jewellery and dresses with genuine admiration and pleasure. No voice spoke with jealousy or resentment. They were poor people, living the hard, fear-streaked life crushed into the little word poor, but they admired the jewels and silks of the rich guests with joyful, unenvious innocence.

When a well-known industrialist and his movie-star wife emerged from the gallery, a little chorus of admiring sighs rose from the group. She wore a bejewelled yellow and white sari. I turned my head to look at the people, smiling and murmuring their appreciation, as if the woman were one of their own neighbours, and I noticed three men standing apart from the group.

Their stone-silent stares were grim. Malevolence rippled outward from their dark, staring eyes: waves so intense that it seemed I could feel them settle on my skin, like misted rain.

And then, as if they sensed my awareness of them, they turned as one and stared directly into my eyes, with clear, unreasoning hatred. We held the stare, while the happy crowd cooed and murmured their pleasure, while limousines drew up in front of us, and cameras flashed.

I thought of Lisa, still inside the gallery. The men stared, willing darkness at me. My hands moved slowly toward the two knives fixed in canvas scabbards in the small of my back.

‘Hey!’ Rosanna said, slapping me on the shoulder.

Reflex sent my hand whipping around to grab her wrist, while the other hand shoved her backwards a step.

‘Whoa! Take it easy!’ she said, her eyes wide with surprise.

‘I’m sorry.’ I frowned, releasing her wrist.

I turned quickly to search for the hate-filled eyes. The three men were gone.

‘Are you okay?’ Rosanna asked.

‘Sure,’ I said, turning to face her again. ‘Sure. Sorry. Is it about done in there?’

‘Just about,’ she said. ‘When the big stars leave, the lights go out. Lisa says you’re not a Goa fan. Why not? I’m from there, you know.’

‘I guessed.’

‘So, what have you got against Goa?’

‘Nothing. It’s just that every time I go there, somebody asks me to pick up their dirty laundry.’

‘That’s not my Goa,’ she countered.

It wasn’t defensive. It was simply a statement of fact.

‘Maybe not,’ I smiled. ‘And Goa’s a big place. I only know a couple of beaches and towns.’

She was studying my face.

‘What did you say it was?’ she asked. ‘Rubies and what?’

‘Rubies and love letters.’

‘But you weren’t in Goa just for that, were you?’

‘Sure,’ I lied.

‘If I said you were down there for black market business, would I be close to the mark?’

I’d gone to Goa to collect ten handguns. I’d dropped them off with my mafia contact in Bombay, before searching for Vikram to return the necklace. Black market business was close to the mark.

‘Look, Rosanna -’

‘Has it occurred to you that you’re the problem here? People like you, who come to India and bring trouble we don’t need?’

‘There was a lotta trouble here before I came, and there’ll be plenty left when I’m gone.’

‘We’re talking about you, not India.’

She was right: the two knives pressing against the small of my back made the point.

‘You’re right,’ I conceded.

‘I am?’

‘Yeah. I’m trouble, alright. And so are you, at the moment, if you don’t mind me saying it.’

‘Lisa doesn’t need trouble from you,’ she said, frowning hard.

‘No,’ I said evenly. ‘Nobody needs trouble.’

She studied my face a little longer, her brown eyes searching for something wide enough or deep enough to give the conversation a context. Finally she laughed, and looked away, running a ringed hand through her spiked hair.

‘How many days does the show run?’ I asked.

‘We’re supposed to have another week of this,’ she remarked, looking at the last guests leaving the exhibition. ‘If the crazies don’t close us down, that is.’

‘If I were you, I’d pay for some security. I’d put a couple of big, sharp guys on the door. Moonlight a few guys from one of the five-star hotels. They’re pretty good, some of those guys, and the ones who aren’t still look good enough.’

‘You know something about the show?’

‘Not really. I saw some men out here before. Seriously unhappy men. I think they’re seriously unhappy with your show.’

‘I hate those fucking fanatics!’ she hissed.

‘I think it’s mutual.’

I glanced toward the gallery to see Lisa kissing Rish and Taj goodbye.

‘Here’s Lisa.’

I swung a leg over the bike, and kick-started the engine. It growled to life, settling into a low, bubbling throb. Lisa came to hug Rosanna, and took her place on the back of my bike.

‘Phir milenge,’ I said. Until we meet again.

‘Not if I see you first.’

We rode down the long slope to the sea, but when we stopped at a traffic signal, a black van pulled up beside us, and I turned to see the men with the hateful stares. They were arguing among themselves.

I let them pull away when the signal changed. There were political stickers and religious symbols on the rear window of the van. I turned off the main road at the first corner.

We rode through back streets for a while, and I worried for the changes I was seeing. Rosanna’s faux-bronze panels told a brutal Bombay story, but less brutal than the truth, and less brutal than the politics of faith. The violence of the past was just sand in the swash of a new wave, breaking on the Island City’s shores. Political thugs travelled by the truckload, brandishing clubs, and mafia gangs of twenty or thirty men had grown to hundreds of fighters. We are what we fear, and many of us in the city feared reckless days of reckoning.

Chapter Four

Riding slowly, we made our way back to the sweeping curve

of Marine Drive, following the necklace of reflections on the gentle waters of the bay. That first glimmer of starry sea started us talking again, and we were still talking when I pulled the bike into the driveway of our apartment building, past the salute of the watchman, and into the covered parking bay.

‘You go up,’ I said to Lisa. ‘I’m gonna wipe down the bike.’

‘Now?’

‘Now. I’ll be right up.’

When I heard Lisa’s footsteps on the marble stairs I turned to the watchman, nodded to him, and pointed after her. Understanding that I wanted him to follow her, he set off quickly, taking the stairs two at a time.

I heard her open the apartment door, and say her goodnight to the watchman. I slipped quickly out through a side gate to the footpath. Moving quietly, I made my way along the line of the leafy hedge bordering the apartment building’s ground-floor car park.

As I’d turned to enter the parking area of the building, I’d seen a huddled figure draw backwards into the shadows of the tall hedge. Someone was hiding there.

I drew a knife and came up quietly to the spot near the gate where I’d seen the figure. A man stepped out in front of me, his back turned, and began to move toward the car park.

It was Scorpio George.

‘Lin!’ I heard him whisper. ‘Are you still there, Lin?’

‘What the hell are you doin’, Scorpio?’ I asked from behind him, and he jumped.

‘Oh, Lin! You scared the crap outta me!’

I frowned at him, wanting an explanation.

The peace pact that had held since the last big mafia gang war in South Bombay was failing. Young men who hadn’t fought the war, or negotiated the truce, were attacking one another in violation of rules that had been written in better men’s blood. There’d been attacks by rival gangs in our area. I was vigilant, on guard all the time, and angry at myself for coming so close to hurting a friend.

‘I’ve told you guys about creepin’ up on people,’ I said.

‘See… I’m sorry… ’ he began nervously, looking left and right. ‘It’s… it’s… ’

Distress had a hand on his chest, and he couldn’t lift it to speak. I looked for a place to talk with him.

I couldn’t step into the car park with Scorpio. He was a street guy, sleeping in a doorway, and his presence in the compound, if observed by a resident of the building, would lead to complaints. I had no fear of those complaints, but I knew that they’d cost the watchman his job.

Taking Scorpio by the arm, I led the tall, thin Canadian across the street to a collapsed wall of crumbled stones, deep in shadow. Sitting with him in the darkness, I lit a joint and passed it to him.

‘What’s up, Scorp?’

‘It’s this guy,’ he began, puffing deeply on the joint. ‘This guy with the dark suit. The CIA guy. It’s creeping me out, man! I can’t work the street. I can’t talk to tourists. It’s like I see him everywhere, in my mind, asking questions about me. Did your guy, that Naveen detective guy, did he find out anything?’

I shook my head.

‘One of the boys tailed him out to Bandra, but the kid ran out of taxi money, and lost him. I haven’t heard anything back from your guy, Naveen. I thought you might’ve heard something.’

‘No. Nothing yet.’

‘I’m scared, Lin,’ Scorpio George said, shuddering the fear along his spine. ‘All the street boys have tested him. Nothin’. He doesn’t buy drugs, doesn’t drink, not even beer. No girls.’

‘We’ll work it out, Scorp. Don’t worry.’

‘It’s weird,’ Scorpio frowned. ‘I’m really going outta my mind, y’know?’

I tugged a fold of hundred-rupee notes from my pocket, and gave it to him. Scorpio took it in a faltering hand, but then slipped it into a pocket concealed inside his shirt.

‘Thanks, Lin,’ he said, looking up quickly to meet my eyes. ‘I was waiting here to ask you to help me, because I haven’t been on the street. The watchman told me you were still out. But then I saw you were with Lisa, and I couldn’t let her see me. I didn’t want to ask for money in front of her. She has a high opinion of me.’

‘We all need money sometimes. And Lisa always has a high opinion of you, whether you need money or not.’

He had tears in his eyes. I didn’t want to see them.

‘Listen, you and Gemini,’ I said, leading him across the street again, ‘you guys lay up some supplies, buy some shit, and take a room at the Frantic. Stay there for a couple of days. We’ll find out who this guy is, and we’ll deal with it, okay?’

‘Okay,’ he said, shaking my hand with the tremble in his. ‘You think the Frantic’s pretty safe, yeah?’

‘The Frantic hotel is the only one that’ll take you and your lifestyle, Scorp.’

‘Oh… yeah… ’

‘This mystery man won’t get past the desk there. Not in a suit. Keep your heads down, and you’ll be safe at the Frantic until we figure this out.’

‘Okay. Okay.’

He walked away, stooping his tall frame beneath the loose fronds of the hedge. I watched him do the street guy’s night walk: slowly, nonchalantly in the pools of street light – Honest Joe, nothing to hide – then scurrying faster in the shadowed sections of the street.

I slipped a twenty-rupee note to the watchman, standing beside me, and climbed the marble stairs to the apartment. Lisa stood in the bathroom doorway while I showered, and I told her about Scorpio George’s white-haired stalker.

‘But who is this guy?’ she asked as I stepped out of the shower. ‘What does he want with the Zodiacs?’

‘I dunno. Naveen Adair, the guy I told you about before? He smells lawyer. He might be right. He’s a smart kid. One way or another, we’ll find out who this guy is.’

Dried off again, I flopped down on the bed beside Lisa, my head resting on the satin breeze of her breast. From that position I looked down along the length of her naked body to her feet.

‘Rosanna likes you,’ she said, shifting the direction of the conversation with an elegant gesture to the left with both feet.

‘I doubt it.’

‘Why? What happened with her?’

‘Nothing… happened.’

‘Something happened when you were talking to her outside. What did you say?’

‘We just… talked about Goa.’

‘Oh, no,’ she sighed. ‘She’s nuts about Goa.’

‘So I discovered.’

‘But she does like you. No matter what you said about Goa.’

‘I… don’t think so.’

‘Oh, yeah. She certainly dislikes you, too, at the same time. But she definitely likes you.’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘She was angry enough to hit you, when I came out.’

‘She was? I thought we reached a good place.’

‘She was ready to hit you, so she likes you a lot.’

‘Ah… how does that work?’

‘She was angry enough to hit you, and she doesn’t even know you, see?’

I didn’t, but that wasn’t unusual: Lisa had her own way of incommunicating.

‘It’s all so clear now.’

‘Was she doing her body language thing,’ she asked, ‘when she was talking to you?’

‘What body language thing?’

‘She fakes a sore back, and starts rolling her hips in a circle. Did she do that?’

‘No.’

‘That’s good.’

‘It is?’

‘Yeah, because it’s pretty sexy, and she did it for me, and not for you.’

‘There’s a logic rolling its hips in there somewhere, I’m sure, but I’m gonna let it roll past. I did manage to read Anushka’s body language, however.’

‘A bear could read her body language,’ Lisa cut in quickly, giving me a slap on the arm.

‘Where did you say she’s performing?’ I laughed.

‘I didn’t,’ she slapped.

A seashell bracelet jangled on her wrist. It was the present I’d brought for her from Goa. She played the music of the shells, twisting her wrist for a while, and then silenced them in the clutch of her free hand.

‘Did you have a shitty time tonight? Should I be sorry I made you go, when you just got back from your trip?’

‘Not at all. I really did like your friends, and it was about time I met them. I liked Rosanna, too. She has good fire.’

‘I’m so glad. She’s not just a partner. She’s become close. Do you find her attractive?’

‘What?’

‘It’s okay,’ she said, playing with the bedcover. ‘I find her attractive, too.’

‘What?’

‘She’s clever, dedicated, brave, creative, enthusiastic, and easy to get along with. She’s really great.’

I stared along the soft coastline of Lisa’s long, slender legs.

‘What are we talking about, again?’

‘You think she’s hot,’ she said.

‘What?’

‘It’s okay. I think she’s hot, too.’

She took my hand, and moved it between her legs.

‘How tired are you?’ she asked.

I looked down at her toes, bent backwards in a fan-shaped arch.

‘Nobody’s ever that tired.’

It was good. It was always good. We shared a loving kindness that was a kind of loving. And maybe because we both knew that it would end some day, some way, we let our bodies say things that our hearts couldn’t.

I went to the kitchen to fetch a cold drink of water, and brought a glass back for her, putting it on the table on her side of the bed.

For a while I looked at her, beautiful, healthy, strong, curled into herself like a sleeping cat. I tried to imagine what the vision of love she was clinging to might look like, and how different it was from my own.

I lay down beside her and gathered my body into the contours of her dream. Her toes closed reflexively over mine in her sleep. And more honest than my mind, my sleeping body bent at the knees, pressed against the closed door of her curved back, and beat on it with the fist of my heart, begging to be loved.

Chapter Five

Riding a motorcycle is velocity as poetry. The fine balance

between elegant agility and fatal fall is a kind of truth, and like all truth, it carries a heartbeat with it into the sky. Eternal moments in the saddle escape the stuttering flow of time, and space, and purpose. Coursing on those wheels, on that river of air, in that flight of freed spirit there’s no attachment, no fear, no joy, no hatred, no love, and no malice: the nearest thing, for some violent men, for this violent man, to a state of grace.

I arrived at the passport factory used by the Sanjay Company in a good mood. I’d taken the slow way to work that morning, and the ride had cleared my mind, leaving me with a placid smile I could feel in my whole body.

The factory was the main centre where we changed and created false passports. As the principal forger and counterfeiter of passports and other identification documents for the Sanjay Company, I spent at least some hours of most days at the factory.

I opened the door, and my motorcycle-smile froze. There was a young stranger in front of me. He put out his hand in greeting.

‘Lin!’ he said, shaking my hand as if he was pumping water from a village well. ‘My name’s Farzad. Come on in!’

I took off my sunglasses, accepted his invitation to my office, and found that a second desk had been lodged in a corner of the large room. The desk was piled high with papers and drawings.

‘They put me here… about two weeks ago,’ Farzad said, nodding toward his desk. ‘I hope you don’t mind.’

‘That depends.’

‘Depends on what?’

‘On who the hell you are, and what the hell you’re doin’ in my office.’

‘Oh,’ he laughed, relaxing enough to take a seat at the new desk. ‘That’s easy. I’m your new assistant. Count on it!’

‘I didn’t ask for a new assistant. I liked the old assistant.’

‘But I thought you didn’t have an assistant?’

‘Exactly.’

His hands flapped in his lap like fish flung on the shore. I stepped across the room to look through the long windows into the factory below. I noticed that changes had taken place there as well.

‘What the hell?’

I walked down the wooden steps leading to the factory floor, and headed toward the new desks and light boxes. Farzad followed me, speaking quickly.

‘They decided to expand the false document section to include education stuff. I thought you knew.’

‘What education stuff?’

‘Diplomas, degrees, certificates of competency and the like. That’s why they brought me in.’

He stopped suddenly, watching me as I picked up a document from one of the new desks. It was a Master’s Degree in Engineering, purporting to be issued by a prestigious university in Bengal.

It bore the name of a young man I knew: the son of a mafia enforcer from the fishing fleet area, who was as slow-witted as he was avaricious, and who was, by any reckoning, the greediest kid-gangster in Sassoon Dock.

‘They… brought me in… ’ Farzad concluded falteringly, ‘b-b-because I have an MBA. I mean, a real one. Count on it.’

‘There goes the neighbourhood. Doesn’t anybody study philosophy any more?’

‘My dad does,’ he said. ‘He’s a Steiner-Utilitarian.’

‘Please, whoever you are, I haven’t had a chai yet.’

Moving to a second table, I picked up another false qualification document. It was a Bachelor of Medicine in Dental Surgery. Reading my features, Farzad spoke again.

‘You know, it’s okay. None of these fake degrees will ever be used in India. They’re all for people who want jobs in foreign countries.’

‘Oh,’ I said, not smiling, ‘that makes it okay, then.’

‘Exactly!’ He grinned happily. ‘Shall I send for tea?’

When the chai arrived, in short, crack-veined glasses, we sipped and talked long enough for me to like him.

Farzad was from the small, brilliant and influential Parsi community. He was twenty-three years old, unmarried, and lived with his parents and extended family in a large house not far from the Bombay slum where I’d once lived.

After two postgraduate years in the United States, he started work at a futures trading firm in Boston. Within the first year, he’d become entangled in a complex Ponzi scheme, run by the head of his firm.

Although he’d played no direct part in his employer’s criminal intrigue, Farzad’s name appeared in transfers of funds to secret bank accounts. When it seemed that he might be arrested, he’d returned to India, using the fortuitous if unhappy excuse that he had to visit the sick bed of his dying uncle.

I’d known the uncle, Keki, very well. He’d been a wise counsellor to Khaderbhai, the South Bombay don, and had a place on the mafia Council. In his last hours, the Parsi counsellor had asked the new head of the mafia Company, Sanjay Kumar, to protect young Farzad, his nephew, whom he regarded as a son.

Sanjay took Farzad in, telling him that he’d be safe from prosecution in the United States, if he remained in Bombay, and worked for the mafia Company. While I’d been in Goa, Sanjay had put him to work in my false passport factory.

‘There’s so many people moving out of India now,’ Farzad said, sipping his second chai. ‘And regulations will lighten up. You’ll see. Count on it.’

‘Uh-huh.’

‘Restrictions and laws, they’ll all change, they’ll all get looser and easier. People will be leaving India, people will be coming back to India, starting businesses here and in foreign countries, moving money around all over the place. And all of those people, one way or another, they’re all going to need or want some paperwork that gives them a better chance in America, or London, or Stockholm, or Sydney, you know?’

‘It’s a big market, huh?’

‘It’s a huge market. Huge. We only set this up two weeks ago, and we’re already working two full shifts to meet our commitments.’

‘Two shifts, huh?’

‘Flat out, baba.’

‘And… when one of our clients, who buys his engineering degree instead of studying for it, is called upon to build a bridge, say, that won’t fall down and kill a couple hundred people?’

‘No tension, baba,’ he replied. ‘In most countries, the fake degree only gets you in the door. After that, you have to do more study to meet the local standards, and get accreditation. And you know our Indian people. If you let them in the door, they’ll buy the house, and then the house next door, and then in no time they’ll own the street, and start renting houses to the people who used to own them. It’s the way we are. Count on it, yaar.’

Farzad was a gentle, open-faced young man. Relaxed with me at last and unafraid, his soft brown eyes stared from a place of unruffled serenity, deep within his sanguine opinion of the world.

His round, full lips parted slightly on the permanent quiver of a smile. His skin was very fair: fairer than my tanned face beneath my short blonde hair. His Western-chic jeans and silk designer shirt gave him the look of a visitor, a tourist, rather than someone whose family had lived in Bombay for three hundred years.

His face was unmarked, his skin showing no scar or scratch or faded bruise. It occurred to me, as I listened to his genial chatter, that it was likely he’d never been in a fight, or even closed his fist in anger.

I envied him. When I allowed myself to look into the half-collapsed tunnel of the past, it seemed that I’d been fighting all my life.

My kid brother and I were the only Catholic boys in our tough, working-class neighbourhood. Some of our tough, working-class neighbours waited patiently for the arrival of our school bus every evening, and fought us all the way home; day after day.

And it never stopped. A trip to the shopping centre was like crossing a Green Line into enemy territory. Local militias, or street gangs, attacked outsiders with the viciousness that the poor only ever visit on the poor. Learning karate and joining the local boxing club were the life-skills classes in my neighbourhood.

Every kid who had the heart to fight learned a martial art, and every week gave him several opportunities to practise what he learned. The accident and emergency department of the local hospital was filled, on Friday and Saturday nights, with young men who were having stitches put into cuts on their mouths and eyes, or having their broken noses repaired for the third time.

I was one of them. My medical file at the local hospital was heavier than a volume of Shakespeare’s tragedies. And that was before prison.

Listening to Farzad’s happy, dreaming talk of the car he was saving to buy, and the girl he wanted to ask out, I could feel the pressure of the two long knives I always carried at my back. In the secret drawer of a cabinet in my apartment there were two handguns and two hundred rounds of ammunition. If Farzad didn’t have a weapon, and the willingness to use it, he was in the wrong business. If he didn’t know how to fight, and what it feels like to lose a fight, he was in the wrong business.

‘You’re lining up with the Sanjay Company,’ I said. ‘Don’t plan too far ahead.’

‘Two years,’ Farzad said, cupping his hands in front of him as though he was holding the chunk of time and its promises. ‘Two years of this work, and then I’ll take all the money I’ve saved, and open a small business of my own. A consultancy, for people trying to get a Green Card in the US, and whatnot. It’s the coming thing! Count on it.’

‘Just keep your head down,’ I advised, hoping that Fate or the Company would give him the years he wanted.

‘Oh, sure, I always -’

The phone on my desk rang, cutting him off.

‘Aren’t you going to answer it?’ Farzad asked, after a few rings.

‘I don’t like telephones.’

The telephone was still ringing.

‘Well, why do you have one?’

‘I don’t. The office does. If it agitates you so much, you answer it.’

He lifted the receiver.

‘Good morning, Farzad speaking,’ he said, then held the phone away from his ear.

Gurgling sounds, like mud complaining or big dogs eating something, rumbled from the phone. Farzad stared at it in horror.

‘It’s for me,’ I said, and he let the phone fall into my hand.

‘Salaam aleikum, Nazeer.’

‘Linbaba?’

It was a voice I could feel through the floor.

‘Salaam aleikum, Nazeer.’

‘Wa aleikum salaam. You come!’ Nazeer commanded. ‘You come now!’

‘Whatever happened to How are you, Linbaba?’

‘You come!’ Nazeer insisted.

His voice was a growling thing dragging a body on a gravel driveway. I loved it.

‘Okay, okay. Keep your scowl on. I’m on my way.’

I put down the phone, collected my wallet and the keys to my bike, and walked to the door.

‘We’ll talk more, later on,’ I said, turning to look at my new assistant. ‘But for now, I think this is gonna work out okay, between you and me. Watch the store while I’m gone, thik?’

The word, pronounced teek, brought a wide smile to the young, unblemished face.

‘Bilkul thik!’ he replied. Absolutely okay!

I left the office, forgetting the young MBA making false degrees, and pushed the bike to speed on Marine Drive, sweeping up onto the narrow cutting beside the Metro flyover.

At the Parsi Fire Temple corner I saw my friend Abdullah riding with two others across the intersection in front of me. They were headed for the narrow streets of the commerce district.

Waiting for a break in the almost constant flow of vehicles, and checking to see that the traffic cop on duty was busy accepting a bribe from someone else, I cut the red light and set off in pursuit of my friend.

As a member of the Sanjay Company, I’d pledged my life to defend others in the gang: the band of brothers in arms. Abdullah was more than that. The tall, long-haired Iranian was my first and closest friend in the Company. My commitment to him was beyond the duty of the pledge.

There’s a deep connection between gangsters, faith and death. All of the men in the Sanjay Company felt that their souls were in the hands of a personal God, and they were all devout enough to pray before and after a murder. Abdullah, no less than the others, was a man of faith, although he never showed mercy.

For my part, I still searched for something more than the verses, vows and veneration I’d found in the books of believers. And while I doubted everything in myself, Abdullah was always and ever certain: as confident in his invincibility as the strongest eagle, soaring above his head in the hovering Bombay sky.

We were different men, with different ways to love, and different instincts for the fight. But friendship is faith, too, especially for those of us who don’t believe in much else. And the simple truth was that my heart always rose, always soared in the little sky inside, whenever I saw him.

I followed him in the flow of traffic, waiting for the chance to pull in beside him. His straight back and relaxed command of the bike were characteristics I’d come to admire. Some men and women ride a horse as if they’re born to it, and something of the same instinct applies to riding a motorcycle.

The two men riding with Abdullah, Fardeen and Hussein, were good riders who’d been on bikes since they were infants, riding on the tanks of their fathers’ bikes, through the same traffic on the same streets, but they never achieved the same riverine facility as our Iranian friend, and never looked as cool.

Just as I sensed a gap opening beside his bike, and pulled forward to match his pace, he turned his head to look at me. A smile edged serious shadows from his face, and he pulled over to the kerb, followed by Fardeen and Hussein.

I stopped close to him, and we hugged, still sitting on our bikes.

‘Salaam aleikum,’ he greeted me warmly.

‘Wa aleikum salaam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.’ And unto you be Peace, and Allah’s mercy, and His blessings.

Fardeen and Hussein reached out to shake hands.

‘You are going to the meeting, I heard,’ Abdullah said.

‘Yeah. I got the call from Nazeer. I thought you’d be there.’

‘I am indeed going there,’ he declared.

‘Well, you’re taking the long way,’ I laughed, because he was heading in the wrong direction.

‘I have a job to do first. It will not take long. Come with us. It is not far from here, and I believe that you do not know this place, and these people.’

‘Okay,’ I agreed. ‘Where are we going?’

‘To see the Cycle Killers,’ he said. ‘On a matter of Company business.’

I’d never visited the den of the Cycle Killers. I didn’t know much about them. But like every street guy in Bombay, I knew the names of their top two killers, and I knew that they outnumbered the four of us by six or seven to one.

Abdullah kicked his bike to life, waiting for us to kick-start our own bikes, and then led the way out into the brawl of traffic, his back straight, and his head high and proud.

Chapter Six

I’d seen some of the Cycle Killers, riding their polished chrome bicycles at suicidal speed through the market streets of the Thieves Bazaar. They were young, and always dressed in the same uniform of brightly coloured, tight-fitting undershirts, known as banyans, white stovepipe jeans, and the latest fashion brand of running shoes.

They all slicked their hair back with perfumed oil, wore ostentatious caste-mark tattoos on their faces to protect them against the evil eye, and covered their own eyes with identical mirror-finish aviator sunglasses, as polished as their silver bicycles.

They were, by general agreement among discriminating criminals, the most efficient knife-men money could buy, surpassed in skill by only one man in the city: Hathoda, the knife master for the Sanjay Company.

Deep within the streets and narrower gullies, clogged with commerce and the clamour for cash, we parked our bikes outside a shop that sold Ayurvedic remedies and silk pouches filled with secret herbs, offering protection against love curses. I wanted to buy one, but Abdullah didn’t let me.

‘A man’s protection is in Allah, honour and duty,’ he growled, his arm around my shoulder. ‘Not in amulets and herbs.’

I made a mental note to go back to the shop, alone, and fell into step with my stern friend.

We entered a shoulder-wide lane, and as the lane darkened, further from the street, Abdullah led us beneath an almost invisible arch bearing the name Bella Vista Towers.

Beyond the arch we found a network of covered lanes that seemed, at one point, to pass through the middle of a private home. The owner of the home, an elderly man wearing a tattered banyan and sitting in an easy chair, was reading a newspaper through over-large optical sunglasses.

He didn’t look up or acknowledge us as we passed through what seemed to be his living room.

We walked on into an even darker lane, turned the last corner in the maze and emerged in a wide, open, sunlit courtyard.

I’d heard of it before: it was called Das Rasta, or Ten Ways. Residential buildings and the many lanes that serviced them surrounded the roughly circular courtyard, open to the sky. It was a private public square.

Residents leaned from windows, looking down into the action of Das Rasta. Some lowered or pulled up baskets of vegetables, cooked food, and other goods. Many more people entered and left the courtyard through wheel-spoke alleys leading to the wider world beyond.

In the centre of the courtyard, sacks of grain and pulses had been heaped together in a pile twice the height of a man. The sacks formed a small pyramid of thrones, and seated on them at various levels were the Cycle Killers.

In the topmost improvised throne was Ishmeet, the leader. His long hair had never been cut, according to Sikh religious tradition, but his observance of Sikhism stopped there.

His hair wasn’t held in a neat turban, but fell freely to his narrow waist. His thin, bare arms were covered in tattoos, depicting his many murders and gang war victories. There were two long, curved knives in decorated scabbards tucked into the belt of his tight jeans.

‘Salaam aleikum,’ he said lazily, greeting Abdullah as we approached his tower of thrones.

‘Wa aleikum salaam,’ Abdullah replied.

‘Who’s the dog-face you’ve got with you?’ a man sitting close to Ishmeet asked in Hindi, turning his head to spit noisily.

‘His name is Lin,’ Abdullah replied calmly. ‘They also call him Shantaram. He was with Khaderbhai, and he speaks Hindi.’

‘I don’t care if he speaks Hindi, Punjabi and Malayalam,’ the man responded in Hindi, glaring at me. ‘I don’t care if he can recite poetry, and if he has a dictionary shoved up his arse. I want to know what this dog-face is doing here.’

‘I’m guessing you have more experience with dogs than I do,’ I said in Hindi. ‘But I came here in the company of men, not dogs, who know how to show respect.’

The man flinched and twitched, shaking his head in disbelief. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the challenge I’d thrown, or the fact that a white foreigner had spoken it in the kind of Hindi used by street gangsters.

‘This man is also my brother,’ Abdullah said evenly, staring at Ishmeet. ‘And what your man says to him, he says to me.’

‘Then why don’t I say it to you, Iranian?’ the man said.

‘Why don’t you, by Allah?’ Abdullah replied.

There was a moment of exquisite calm. Men working to bring sacks of grain, pots of water, boxes of cold drinks, bags of spices and other goods still moved into and out of the courtyard. People still watched from their windows. Children still laughed and played in the shade.

But in the breathing space between the Cycle Killers and the four of us, a meditation stillness rippled outwards from our beating hearts. It was the deliberate stillness of not reaching for our weapons, the shadow before the flash of sunlight and blood.

The Cycle Killers were only a word away from war, but they respected and feared Abdullah. I looked into Ishmeet’s smiling eyes, schemed into slits. He was counting the corpses that would lie around his throne of sacks.

There was no doubt that Abdullah would kill at least three of Ishmeet’s men, and that the rest of us might account for as many again. And although there were twelve Cycle Killers in the courtyard, and several more in the rooms beyond, and although Ishmeet himself might manage to live, the loss would be too great for his gang to survive a revenge attack by our gang.

Ishmeet’s eyes opened a little wider, crimson betel nut staining his smile.

‘Any brother of Abdullah,’ he said, staring directly at me, ‘is a brother of mine. Come. Sit up here, with me. We’ll drink bhang together.’

I glanced at Abdullah, who nodded to me without taking his eyes off the Cycle Killers. I climbed onto the wide throne of sacks and took a seat a little below Ishmeet, and level with the man who’d insulted me.

‘Raja!’ Ishmeet said, calling to a man who was polishing the rows of already gleaming bicycles. ‘Get some chairs!’

The man moved quickly to provide wooden stools for Abdullah, Fardeen, and Hussein. Others brought the pale green bhang in tall glasses, and also a large chillum.

I drank the glass of marijuana milk down in gulps, as did Ishmeet. Belching loudly, he winked at me.

‘Buffalo milk,’ he said. ‘Fresh pulled. Gives a little extra kick. You want to be a king in this world, man, keep your own milking buffalo.’

‘O… kay.’

He lit the chillum, took two long puffs, and passed it to me, smoke streaming from his nostrils like steam escaping from fissured stone.

I smoked and passed the chillum to the gang lieutenant sitting beside me. The animosity of moments before was gone from his smiling eyes. He smoked, passed the chillum along, and then tapped me on the knee.

‘Who’s your favourite heroine?’

‘From now, or before?’

‘From now.’

‘Karisma Kapoor.’

‘And from before?’

‘Smita Patil. What about you?’

‘Rekha,’ he sighed. ‘Before and now and always. She’s the queen of everything. Do you have a knife?’

‘Of course.’

‘Can I see it, please?’

I took one of my knives out of its scabbard, and passed it to him. He opened the flick mechanism expertly, and then flipped the long, heavy, brass-handled weapon around his fingers as if it was a flower on a stem.

‘Nice knife,’ he said, closing it and handing it back to me. ‘Who made it?’

‘Vikrant, in Sassoon Dock,’ I answered, putting the knife away.

‘Ah, Vikrant. Good work. You wanna see my knife?’

‘Sure,’ I replied, reaching out to take the weapon he offered me.

My long switchblade knife was made for street fighting. The Cycle Killer’s knife was designed to leave a deep, wide hole, usually in the back. The blade tapered quickly from the wide hilt to the tip. Gouged into the blade were trenches to facilitate the flow of blood. Backward serrations entered a body on the smooth side but ripped the flesh on the outward pull, preventing the wound from spontaneously closing.

The hilt was a brass semicircle, designed to fit into a closed fist. The knife was used in a punching action, rather than a slash or jab.

‘You know,’ I said, as I handed back the weapon, ‘I hope we never, ever fight each other.’

He grinned widely, putting the knife back into its scabbard.

‘Good plan!’ he said. ‘No problem. You and me, we never fight. Okay?’

He offered me his hand. I hesitated a moment, because gangsters take stuff like that seriously, and I wasn’t sure that I could promise not to fight him, if our gangs became enemies.

‘What the hell,’ I said, slapping my palm into his, and closing my fingers in a firm handshake. ‘We never fight. No matter what.’

He grinned at me again.

‘I’m… ’ he began in Hindi. ‘I’m sorry about… about that comment before.’

‘It’s okay.’

‘Actually, I like dogs,’ he said. ‘Anyone here will tell you that. I even feed the stray dogs here.’

‘It’s okay.’

‘Ajay! Tell him how much I like dogs!’

‘Very much,’ Ajay said. ‘He loves dogs.’

‘If you don’t stop talking about dogs right now,’ Ishmeet said through the sliver of a smile, ‘I’m going to kick you in the neck.’

Ishmeet turned away from his man, displeasure a crown pressed on his forehead.

‘Abdullah,’ he said. ‘You want to talk to me, I think so?’

Abdullah was about to reply when a crew of ten workingmen entered the courtyard, pulling two long, empty handcarts.

‘Make way!’ they shouted. ‘Work is close to God! Workingmen are doing God’s work! We are here for the sacks! Old sacks going out! New sacks coming in! Make way! Work is close to God!’

With a disregard that might’ve cost other men their lives, the workers ignored the status and comfort of the murderous gang and began pulling sacks from the improvised throne. Deadly Cycle Killers tumbled and stumbled from their places on the pile.

As quickly as his dignity would allow, Ishmeet scrambled off his vantage point to stand close to Abdullah while the demolition continued. I climbed down with him to join my friends.

Fardeen, nicknamed the Politician, stood at once and offered his wooden stool to Ishmeet. The leader of the Cycle Killers accepted, sat beside Abdullah, and called importantly for hot chai.

While we waited for the tea, the workers removed the tall hill of sacks, leaving only scattered grains and straws on the bare stones of the courtyard. We sipped adrak chai, spicy ginger tea strong enough to bring tears to the eyes of someone judging judges.

The workers brought fresh sacks into the open ground. Within minutes a new mound began to appear, and men who worked for the Cycle Killers began to shape it into a series of throne-like seats once more.

Perhaps to cover the embarrassment of having his estrade so abruptly dismantled, Ishmeet turned his attention to me.

‘You… foreigner,’ he asked, ‘what do you think of Das Rasta?’

‘Ji,’ I said, using the respectful term equivalent to sir, ‘I was wondering how we were able to come in here without a challenge.’

‘We knew you were coming,’ Ishmeet replied smugly, ‘and we knew you were friends, and how many you were. Dilip Uncle, the old man reading the newspaper, do you remember him?’

‘Yeah. We passed right through his house.’

‘Exactly. Dilip Uncle, he has a button on the floor under his chair. The button rings a bell here in the courtyard. From the number of times he presses the button, and for how long, we can tell who is coming, friend or stranger, and how many. And there are many uncles like Dilip, who are the eyes and the ears of Das Rasta.’

‘Not bad,’ I allowed.

‘Your frown is another question, I think.’

‘I was also wondering why this is called Das Rasta, Ten Ways, when I can count only nine ways in and out.’

‘I like you, gora!’ Ishmeet said, using the word that meant white man. ‘Not many have noticed that fact. There are, in truth, ten ways into and out of this place, which is the reason for the name. But one of them is hidden, and only known to those of us who live here. The only way that you could pass through that exit is to become one of us, or be killed by us.’

Abdullah chose the moment to reveal his purpose.

‘I have your money,’ he said, leaning in toward Ishmeet’s well-oiled smile. ‘But there is a matter I must make clear, before I give it to you.’

‘What… matter?’

‘A witness,’ Abdullah said, speaking in a tone that was loud enough for me to hear. ‘You have a reputation for being so fast, in your work, that even the Djinn cannot see your blade strike. But in this assignment we gave to you, someone was allowed to see the deed. Someone who made a clear description of your men to the police.’

Ishmeet locked his jaw shut, glanced around quickly at his men, and then looked back at Abdullah. The smile returned slowly, but the teeth were still locked together as if they were holding a knife.

‘We will, of course, kill this witness,’ he hissed. ‘And at no extra charge.’

‘No need for that,’ Abdullah replied. ‘The sergeant who took the statement is one of ours. He thrashed the witness, and convinced him to change his story. But you understand that with a matter such as this, I must speak of it in the name of Sanjay himself. Especially since it is only the second assignment we have given to you.’

‘Jarur,’ Ishmeet hissed again. Certainly. ‘And I can assure you that you will never have to raise the question of witnesses again, for so long as we do business together.’

Ishmeet took Abdullah’s hand in his, held it for a moment, then stood, turned his back, and began to clamber to the top of his new throne of sacks. As he settled himself at the top of the pile once more, he spoke one word.

‘Pankaj!’ he said, speaking to the Cycle Killer who’d been sitting with me.

Fardeen took a package of money from his backpack. He passed it to Abdullah, who handed it on to Pankaj. As the Cycle Killer turned to climb up the pile of sacks he hesitated, and swung his gaze around to face me.

‘You and me, we never fight,’ he grinned, offering his hand once more. ‘Pukkah?’ Correct?

His wide smile and obvious, innocent pleasure in a new friendship would’ve been derided as naïve by the gangsters and outlaws I’d come to know in the Australian prison. But we were in Bombay, and Pankaj’s smile was as sincere as his willingness to fight me had been only minutes before; as sincere as mine.

Until I’d heard Ishmeet use his name, I hadn’t realised that the man I’d traded insults with was the second-in-command of the Cycle Killers, and as feared a knife-man as Ishmeet himself.

‘You and me,’ I said in Hindi, ‘we never fight. No matter what.’

His wicked grin widened, and he scampered athletically up the pile of sacks to give the package to Ishmeet. Abdullah raised his hand to his chest in farewell.

We followed Abdullah out through the labyrinth of lanes, through the living room where Dilip Uncle still sat, reading his newspaper, his foot hovering close to the button set into the floor, and then out into the street.

As we kicked the bikes to life, Abdullah caught my eye. When I met his gaze, his face opened in a rare, wide smile of happiness and exhilaration.

‘That was close!’ he said. ‘Shukran Allah.’

‘Since when did you start subcontracting?’

‘Two weeks ago, while you were in Goa,’ he replied. ‘The lawyer we hired, who betrayed our men to the police, and told them everything he had said in private?’

I nodded, recalling the anger we’d felt at the life sentence the Company men had received, based on their own lawyer’s treacherous information. An appeal of the conviction was pending in the courts, but our men were still in prison.

‘That lawyer has joined the long line of his fellows in hell,’ Abdullah said, his golden eyes gleaming. ‘And there will be no appeal of his sentence. But let us not disturb our peace with talk of dishonour. Let us enjoy the ride, and be grateful that, today, Allah has spared us the necessity to kill the killers we paid to kill for us. It is a great and wonderful thing to be alive, Alhamdulillah.’ By the grace of God.

But as Fardeen, Hussein and I fell in behind Abdullah for the ride back to the Sanjay Council meeting, it wasn’t God’s grace that I was thinking about. Other mafia Companies hired the Cycle Killers, from time to time. Even the cops put them on clean-up duty now and then. But Khaderbhai, who’d founded the mafia group, had always refused.

Anywhere humans gather, from boardrooms to bordellos, they seek and agree upon a moral standard for themselves. And one standard, upheld by Khaderbhai, was that if a man had to be killed, he was given the chance to look into the eyes of the men who claimed that right. Hiring assassins, rather than being assassins, was a change too far for some, I was sure. It was a change too far for me.

Order and chaos were dancing on a slender blade, held by the outstretched arm of conscience. Subcontracting the Cycle Killers tilted the blade. At least half the men in the Company were more loyal to the code than to Sanjay, the leader who was changing it.

The first glimpse of the sea on Marine Drive filled my heart, if not my head. I turned away from the red shadow. I stopped thinking of that pyramid of killers, and Sanjay’s improvidence. I stopped thinking about my own part in the madness. And I rode, with my friends, into the end of everything.

Chapter Seven

If Abdullah hadn’t been with us, Fardeen, Hussein and I would’ve raced one another to the Council meeting, cutting between the cars and overtaking all the way to the Nabila mosque. But Abdullah never raced, or cut between the cars. He expected the cars to make way for him, and for the most part, they did. He rode slowly, his back straight, head held high, his long, black hair fluttering at his wide shoulders.

We reached the mansion in some twenty minutes, and parked our bikes in places reserved for us, outside a perfume shop.

The entrance to the mansion was usually open to the street and unguarded. Khaderbhai believed that if an enemy had a death wish strong enough to make him attack the mansion, he would prefer to drink tea with him, before killing him.

But as we approached, we found the high, heavy street door of the mansion closed, and four armed men on duty. I knew one of them, Farukh, who operated a Company gambling outpost in the distant town of Aurangabad. The others were Afghan strangers.

We pushed open the door and found two more men inside, carrying assault rifles.

‘Afghans?’ I said, when we’d passed them.

‘So many things have happened, Lin Brother, since you have been in Goa,’ Abdullah replied as we entered the open courtyard at the centre of the mansion complex.

‘No kidding.’

I hadn’t visited the mansion in months, and I saw with regret how neglected the paved courtyard had become. In Khaderbhai’s time there was a constant fountain drenching the huge boulder in the pond at the courtyard’s centre. Lush potted palms and flower boxes had once provided splashes of colour in the white and sky-blue space. They’d long since died, and the dry earth that remained was covered with a sprinkling of cigarette butts.

At the door of the Council meeting room there were two more Afghans armed with assault rifles. One of them tapped at the closed door, and then opened it slowly.

Abdullah, Hussein and I entered, while Fardeen waited outside with the guards. When the door closed, there were thirteen of us in the long room.

The meeting room had changed. The floor was still tiled in cream pentagonal tiles, and the walls and vaulted ceiling still bore the mosaic pattern of a blue-white clouded sky. But the low inlaid table and plump brocade floor cushions were gone.

A dark boardroom table ran almost the length of the room, swarmed by fourteen high-backed leather executive chairs. At the far end of the table was a more ornate chairman’s seat. The man sitting in that chair, Sanjay Kumar, looked up with a smile as we entered. It wasn’t for me.

‘Abdullah! Hussein!’ he called out. ‘We’ve gone through all the small stuff already. Now you’re here, we can finally deal with some real trouble.’

I assumed that Sanjay would want me to wait outside until the meeting was over, and tried to excuse myself.

‘Sanjaybhai,’ I said. ‘I’ll wait in the courtyard, until you need me.’

‘No, Lin,’ he said, waving his hand vaguely. ‘Go sit down with Tariq. Come on, the rest of you, let’s get started.’

Tariq, Khaderbhai’s fourteen-year-old nephew and only male relative, sat in his uncle’s emperor chair at the end of the room.

He was growing fast, already almost as tall as any man in the room. But still he seemed small and frail in that winged chair, once a throne for the king of South Bombay crime.

Behind Tariq was Nazeer, his hand resting on the handle of a dagger: the boy’s protector, and my close friend.

I moved past the long table to greet Tariq. The boy brightened for a moment when I shook his hand, but quickly assumed the cold impassive stare that had hardened the bronze of his eyes since the death of his uncle.

When I looked at Nazeer, the older man gave me a rare smile. It was a grimace that could tame lions, and one of the favourite smiles of my life.

I took a seat beside Tariq. Abdullah and Hussein took their places, and the meeting recommenced.

For a while, Sanjay directed the discussions through business matters: trouble with striking workers at the Ballard Pier dockside had slowed the supply of drugs into South Bombay; some fishermen at Sassoon Dock, anchorage of the biggest fishing fleet in the Island City, had formed an association and were resisting the payment of protection money; and a friendly city councillor had been caught by a police raid on one of the Company’s prostitution dens, requiring a favour from the mafia Council to hush the matter up, and save the man’s career.

The mafia Council, which had carefully set up the raid to force the city councillor deeper into its embrace, authorised the sums required to bribe the police, and determined that twice the amount should be charged to the councillor in question, for doing him the favour.

The final matter was something more complicated, and went beyond business. The Sanjay Company, and the Council that ordered its affairs, ran the whole of South Bombay, an area that stretched from Flora Fountain to the Navy Nagar near the very southern promontory of the Island City, and included everything in between, from sea to sea.

The Sanjay Company was the sole black market authority in the area, but wasn’t generally despised. In fact, a lot of people took their disputes and grievances to the Company, in those years, rather than the police. The mafia was usually quicker, often more just, and always cheaper than the cops.

When Sanjay took the leadership, he called the group a Company, joining a gangster trend that divided the city along business lines. Khaderbhai, the dead Khan who’d founded it, was strong enough for the mafia clan to have no other name but his own. Echoes of Khaderbhai’s name gave the Sanjay Company an authority that Sanjay’s name didn’t, and still held the peace.

Occasionally, however, someone decided to take matters into his own hands. One such rogue element was an ambitious landlord in the Cuffe Parade area, where tall, expensive apartment buildings stood on land reclaimed from the sea. He’d begun hiring his own thugs. The Sanjay Company didn’t like it, because the Company had the reputation of its own thugs to consider.

The private goons had thrown a rent defaulter from the window of a second-storey apartment. The tenant survived the fall, but his body landed on a cigarette and hashish shop owned by the Company, injuring the operator, known as Shining Patel, and a popular customer who was a renowned singer of Sufi songs.

Shining Patel and his black-white-market shop was just business for the Sanjay Company. The injury to a great singer, loved by every hash smoker in the southern peninsula, made the offence personal.

‘I told you this would happen, Sanjaybhai,’ a man named Faisal said, clenching a fist on the table. ‘I’ve been warning you about this kind of thing for months.’

‘You warned me that someone would fall on Shining Patel’s shop?’ Sanjay sneered. ‘I must’ve missed that meeting.’

‘I warned you that respect was slipping,’ Faisal said, more quietly. ‘I warned you that discipline was slipping. Nobody’s afraid of us, and I don’t blame them. If we’re so scared that we put mercenaries on the door, we’re the ones to blame.’

‘He’s right,’ Little Tony added. ‘This problem with the Scorpion Company, for example. That’s what gives chutiyas like this landlord bahinchudh the idea that he can go past us, to create his own little army.’

‘It’s not a Company,’ Sanjay spat back at them. ‘Those Scorpion fucks haven’t been recognised, not by any of the other Companies in Bombay. It’s a gang. They’re just North Bombay guys, trying to squeeze into the south. Call it what it is, man, a cheap little gang.’

‘Call it what you will,’ Mahmoud Melbaaf said softly, ‘it is still a problem. They have attacked our men in the street. Not a kilometre from here, two of our best earners were hacked with choppers, in the middle of the day.’

‘That’s right,’ Faisal added.

‘That’s why we have our Afghan brothers on duty,’ Mahmoud Melbaaf continued. ‘The Scorpions have been trying to cut into our areas at Regal and Nariman Point. I kicked them out of there, but there were five of them, and if Abdullah hadn’t been with me it would’ve gone the other way. My name alone, and yours, too, Sanjay, doesn’t scare them. And if Little Tony hadn’t cut that dealer’s face last week, they’d still be selling drugs outside KC College, fifty steps from your door. If that’s not a problem, I haven’t seen one.’

‘I know,’ Sanjay replied more gently, glancing quickly at the boy, Tariq.

The cold stare in the boy’s eyes never wavered.

‘I know what you’re saying,’ Sanjay said. ‘Of course I know. What the hell do they want? Do they want a war? They really think they can win that? What do they want, those fucks?’

We all knew what the Scorpion Gang wanted: they wanted it all, and they wanted us dead, or gone.

In the silence that followed his rhetorical question I looked at the faces of the Council members, trying to judge their mood, and their willingness to fight yet another turf war.

Sanjay lowered his eyes, cold eyes in a sensitive face, as he considered the options open to him. His prudent instinct, I knew, was to avoid a fight and negotiate a deal, even with predatory enemies like the Scorpions. What mattered to Sanjay was the deal, not how, or where, or who was on the other end.

He was brave and ruthless, but his first impulse always led him to buy his way out. It was Sanjay who’d put the boardroom table in the Council room, and I realised, staring at his puzzlement and indecision, that the table wasn’t an expression of pride or self-aggrandisement: it was a visible representation of his true nature to negotiate, and seal the deal.

The seat next to Sanjay, on his right, was always empty in memory of his childhood friend Salman, who’d died in battle during the last big power struggle against a rival gang.

Sanjay had spared a survivor of that defeated group. It was the man he’d spared, Vishnu, who’d built up the Scorpion Gang, and now threatened Sanjay himself.

Sanjay knew that the men on his own Council who’d disagreed with that clemency, and who’d insisted that the man had to be killed and the book closed on the matter, would see the current trouble as a vindication of their views, and a weakness of leadership.

As I watched him, Sanjay’s hand slowly drifted to his right across the polished surface of the table, as if searching for the hand and the warrior advice of his dead friend.

To Sanjay’s right, beside the empty chair, was Mahmoud Melbaaf, the slim, watchful Iranian whose serene stare and equable temperament never faltered, no matter how fierce the provocation.

But his calm was the child of sadness, and he never laughed, and almost never smiled. Some great loss had struck at his heart and settled there, smoothing out peaks and troughs of emotion, as wind and sand smother mountains in the desert.

Beside Melbaaf was Faisal, the ex-boxer, the almost-champion. A crooked manager, who stole all Faisal’s competition earnings, had driven the knife deeper by running off with his girl. Faisal killed him, and the girl left the city, never to be seen again.

Emerging from eight years in prison, with instincts as quick and deadly as his fists, he’d worked as an enforcer for the Sanjay Company for several years. He had a reputation for rapid resolutions of debt problems. Although his skills as a boxer were sometimes exercised, very often his scarred face and fierce stare were enough to provoke debtors into finding the necessary funds.

After the last big turf war, which left a few places on the Council empty, Faisal had been rewarded with a permanent seat.

Next to Faisal, leaning in close to him, was his constant companion, Amir. With his large head, round and blunt as a river stone, scarred face, luxuriant eyebrows and elaborate moustache, Amir had the mysterious allure of a South Indian movie star.

A notoriously good dancer, despite his considerable paunch, he recounted stories in a bellowing basso, played jokes on everyone but Abdullah, was the first to hit the dance floor at any party, and the first into any fight.

Amir and Faisal controlled the drugs in South Bombay, and their street dealers brought in one quarter of all the Company’s profits.

Sitting close to Amir was his protégé, Andrew DaSilva, a young street gangster who’d been appointed to the Council as a concession to Amir. He’d taken control of the prostitution and pornography rackets, captured from the defeated gang in the last turf war.

The fair young man, with light brown hair and camel-coloured eyes, had the illusive innocence in his bright smile that cruelty fashions from fear, and cunning. I’d seen the mask fall. I’d seen the snarl of the whip in his eyes. But others didn’t seem to see it: his reflexive smile restored the disguise quickly enough to save him from the distrust that his true nature should’ve provoked in others.

And he knew that I knew. Every time he looked at me, there was a question in his eyes. Why can you see me?

We’d come close to violence, DaSilva and I, and we both knew that one day, one night, in one situation or another, there’d be a head count that would leave one of us behind.

Looking at him then, at that Council meeting, I was sure that when it did finally come, Andrew wouldn’t be alone: he’d be leaning, hard, on the strong, wide shoulders of his friend Amir.

Next around the table was Farid, known as Farid the Fixer, whose devotion to Khaderbhai had rivalled that of grizzled Nazeer. Farid blamed himself for Khaderbhai’s death in Afghanistan, convincing himself, despite our assurances, that if he’d been there with us in the snow, Khaderbhai might’ve survived.

His guilt and despair drove him to recklessness, but it also pushed him into a deeper friendship with me. I’d always liked Farid. I liked his furiousness, and his willingness to run into the storm: the shadow that fell before rather than behind his every step.

As I looked at him, that day, in the long pause while Sanjay decided what action to take about rogue landlords, unlicensed thugs, and predatory Scorpions, Farid looked up at me with embers of sorrow burning his eyes. For a moment I was back there, on the snow-scattered mountain, staring into the dead, snow-stone face of Khaderbhai: the man Farid and I had both called father, father, father.

The last man at the table before Hussein and Abdullah coughed politely. His name was Rajubhai, and he was the controller of currencies for the Company. A fat man, who carried his sumptuous girth with ingenuous pride, Rajubhai had the look of an elder from a distant village, but he was a born Mumbaikar.

A splendid pink turban covered his head, and he wore the traditional white dhoti beneath his knee-length sleeveless serge tunic. Never fully relaxed beyond the serene boundaries of his currency counting room, Rajubhai fidgeted in his place, glancing at his watch whenever Sanjay wasn’t looking.

‘Okay,’ Sanjay said at last. ‘This landlord has got big balls, I’ll give him that, but it’s not acceptable, what he did. It will send out all the wrong signals, and this is a bad time to be sending wrong signals. Abdullah, Hussein, Farid, go pick up one of those thugs he hired, the biggest, toughest one, the leader. Take him to the second floor of that other building, the new apartment tower they’re building at Navy Nagar.’

‘Ji,’ Abdullah replied. Sir.

‘Use that new place, where they paid the Scorpion Gang instead of us last month. Throw the madachudh off the second floor of that building. Make sure he hits the site management office, if you can, or something else that will send a message to the construction company and the Scorpion fuckers both. Give the guy some cheerful fucking encouragement, first. Find out everything he knows. If he survives after you throw him out the window, the goon is free to leave.’

‘Jarur.’ Abdullah nodded. Certainly.

‘After that,’ Sanjay added, ‘round up the rest of those thugs, and take them to visit the landlord who hired them. Make them beat him up. Make his own hired goons kick the shit out of him. Be sure they give him a solid pasting. Then cut their faces, and send them out of the city.’

‘Jarur.’

‘When he wakes up, tell the landlord his tax has doubled. Then make him pay for all the time and trouble he’s caused. And the hospital bills, for Shining Patel and Rafiq. Best qawwali singer I ever heard, that guy. A damn shame.’

‘That it was,’ Mahmoud Melbaaf agreed.

‘A damn shame,’ Amir sighed.

‘You got all that, Abdullah?’ Sanjay asked.

‘Got it.’

Sanjay took a deep breath, puffing his cheeks as he let the air out, and looked around at the other members of the Council.

‘Are we done?’ he asked.

There was a little silence, but then Rajubhai spoke up quickly.

‘Time and money wait for no man,’ he said, searching for his sandals.

All the others stood. One by one, they nodded toward Tariq, the boy who sat in the emperor chair, before they left the room. When only Sanjay remained, and he, too, began to walk toward the door, I approached him.

‘Sanjaybhai?’

‘Oh, Lin,’ he said, turning quickly. ‘How was Goa? Those guns you brought back, that was good work down there.’

‘Goa was… fine.’

‘But?’

‘But two things, actually, since I’ve been away. Cycle Killers, and Afghans. What’s going on?’

His face moved into the shadowland of anger, and his lip began to curl. Leaning in close to me, he spoke in a whisper.

‘You know, Lin, don’t mistake your usefulness for your value. I sent you to Goa to get those guns because all my better men are too well known down there. And I wanted to make sure that none of my better men got busted on that first run, if it didn’t go well. Are we clear?’

‘You called me here to tell me that?’

‘I didn’t call you to this meeting, and I didn’t permit you to sit through it. I wouldn’t do that. And I didn’t like it. I didn’t like it at all. It was Tariq who called you, and Tariq who insisted that you be allowed to stay.’

Together we turned to look at the boy.

‘If you have the time, Lin?’ Tariq said, quietly but firmly.

It wasn’t a request.

‘Well,’ Sanjay said, in a louder voice, slapping me on the shoulder, ‘I’ll be going. Don’t know why you came back, Lin. Me, I fucking love Goa. If it was me, I’d have disappeared, man, and stayed on the beach forever. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you did.’

Sanjay walked from the meeting room. I sat down beside Tariq again. I was angry, and it took me a while to look directly into the boy’s expressionless eyes. A full minute passed in slowly breathing silence.

‘You’re not going to ask me?’ Tariq began at last, smiling faintly.

‘Ask you what, Tariq?’

‘Why I called you to the Council meeting today.’

‘I’m assuming you’ll get around to it, sooner or later,’ I smiled back at him.

Tariq seemed about to laugh, but regained his severe composure.

‘You know, Lin, that’s one of the qualities that my uncle liked most about you,’ he said. ‘Deep down, he said to me a few times, you’re more Inshallah, if you know what I mean, than any of us.’

I didn’t respond. I assumed that using the term Inshallah, meaning The will of God, or If God wills it, meant that he considered me to be fatalistic.

It wasn’t true. I didn’t ask questions about what we did, because I didn’t care. I cared about people, some people, but I didn’t care about anything else. I didn’t care what happened to me in those years after escaping from prison. The future always looked like fire, and the past was still too dark.

‘When my uncle died,’ Tariq continued, ‘we all worked according to the instructions in his will, and divided his many assets.’

‘I recall.’

‘As you know, I myself received this house, and a considerable sum of money.’

I glanced around to look at Nazeer. The old soldier’s scowl remained, fierce and immutable, but one shaggy eyebrow twitched a flicker of interest.

‘And you,’ Tariq continued. ‘You never received anything from Khaderbhai. You were not mentioned.’

I’d loved Khaderbhai. Damaged sons have two fathers: the wounded one they’re born with, and the one their wounded hearts choose. I’d chosen Khaderbhai, and I’d loved him.

But I was sure, alone in that room inside where truth is a mirror, that even if he’d cared for me, in some way, he’d also seen me as a pawn in his great game.

‘I never expected to be mentioned.’

‘You did not expect to be remembered?’ he insisted, inclining his head to emphasise his doubt.

It was exactly the same gesture that Khaderbhai had used when he was teasing me in philosophical discussions.

‘Even though you were so close to him? Even though he acknowledged you, more than once, as a favourite? Even though you, and Nazeer, were with him in the mission that cost him his life?’

‘Your English is getting damn good,’ I observed, trying to change the direction of the conversation. ‘This new tutor’s doing a great job.’

‘I like her,’ Tariq replied, but then his eyes flickered nervously, and he amended his hasty reply. ‘I mean, I respect my teacher. She is an excellent tutor. Rather better, I might say, than you were yourself, Lin.’

There was a little pause. I put the palms of my hands on my knees, signalling that I was ready to leave.

‘Well -’

‘Wait!’ he said quickly.

I frowned, looking hard at the boy, but relented when I saw the pleading crouched in his eyes. I sat back once more, and crossed my arms.

‘This… this week,’ he began again, ‘we discovered some new papers of my uncle. Those papers had been lost in his copy of the Koran. Or not lost, but simply not found, until this week. My uncle placed them there, just before he went to Afghanistan.’

The boy paused, and I glanced back at the brawny bodyguard, my friend Nazeer.

‘He left you a gift,’ Tariq said suddenly. ‘It is a sword. His own sword, that had belonged to his great-grandfather, and that twice has been used in battle against the British.’

‘There must be some mistake.’

‘The papers are quite specific,’ Tariq said stiffly. ‘In the event of his death, the sword was to go to you. Not as a bequest, but as a gift, from my hands, directly to yours. You will honour me now, by accepting it.’

Nazeer brought the sword. He unwrapped layers of silk cloth protection, and presented the sword to me in his upturned palms.

The long sword was in a wide silver scabbard, chiselled to show a flight of hawks in relief. The apical portion of the scabbard showed an inscription from the Koran. The hilt was made of lapis, inlaid with turquoise to cover the fixing rivets. A hand guard of beaten silver swept in a graceful curve from the pommel to the cross guard.

‘It’s a mistake,’ I repeated, staring at the heirloom weapon. ‘It should be yours. It must be yours.’

The boy smiled, grateful and wistful in equal measure.

‘You are quite right, it should be mine,’ he said. ‘But the papers, written in Khaderbhai’s own hand, are very specific. The sword is yours, Lin. And don’t think to refuse it. I know your heart. If you try to give it back to me, I will be offended.’

‘There’s another consideration,’ I said, still staring at the sword. ‘You know that I escaped from prison in my country. I could be arrested and sent back there at any time. If that happens, the sword could be lost.’

‘You will never have trouble with the police in Bombay,’ Tariq insisted. ‘You are with us. No harm can come to you here. And if you leave the city for some long time, you can give the sword to Nazeer, who will protect it until you return.’

He nodded to Nazeer, who leaned in closer, urging me to take the weapon from his hands. I looked into his eyes. Nazeer’s mouth tightened in a willow-droop smile.

‘Take the sword,’ he said in Urdu. ‘And draw the sword.’

The sword was lighter than I’d expected it to be. I let it rest on my knees for a time.

In that silent minute in the neglected mansion I hesitated, thinking that if I drew the sword from its scabbard, memories would bleed out from the sheath of forgetfulness, where some of the time, enough of the time, they were hidden. But tradition demanded that I draw the sword, as a sign of accepting it.

I drew the blade into the light and stood, holding the naked sword at my side, the point of the blade only a finger’s breadth from the marble floor. And it was true. I felt it: the power in a thing to swell a tide of memory.

I sheathed the sword again, and faced Tariq. The boy indicated the chair beside him with a nod of his head. I sat once more, the sword balanced across my knees.

‘The text on the sword,’ I said. ‘I can’t read the Arabic.’

‘Inna Lillahi wa inna -’ Tariq began in the poetry of the Koran.

‘- ilayhi raji’un,’ I finished for him.

I knew the quote. We belong to God, and unto God do we return. Every Muslim gangster said it on the way into battle. We all said it, even if we weren’t Muslim, just in case.

The fact that I couldn’t even read the Arabic inscription on the ancestor-sword Khaderbhai had left to me was a bitter pinch on Tariq’s face. I sympathised with him: I agreed with him, in fact, that I didn’t deserve the sword, and couldn’t know the blood significance that the heirloom had for Tariq.

‘There was a letter among those papers we found in the Holy Book,’ he said, controlling every breath and word. ‘It was a letter to you.’

I felt the cobra rising within me. A letter. I didn’t want it. I don’t like letters. Any dark past is a vampire, feeding on the blood of the living moment, and letters are the bats.

‘We began to read it,’ Tariq said, ‘not knowing that it was addressed to you. It was not until halfway through it that we realised it was his last letter to you. We stopped reading immediately. We did not finish the letter. We do not know how it ends. But we know that it begins with Sri Lanka.’

Sometimes the river of life takes you to the rocks. The letter, the sword, the decisions made at the Council meeting, Don’t mistake your usefulness for your value, the Cycle Killers, guns from Goa, Sri Lanka: streams of coincidence and consequence. And when you see the rocks coming, you’ve got two choices: stay in the boat, or jump.

Nazeer handed Tariq the silver envelope. Tariq tapped it against his open palm.

‘My uncle’s gifts,’ he said, even more softly, ‘were always given with conditions, and never accepted without -’

‘Consequences,’ I finished for him.

‘I was going to say submission. This house was a gift in Khaderbhai’s will, but it was given to me on the condition that I never leave it, even for a minute, until I reach the age of eighteen years.’

I didn’t hide my shock. I wasn’t sensitive to what he was going through, and becoming.

‘What?’

‘It is not so bad,’ Tariq said, setting his jaw against my indignation. ‘All of my tutors come here, to me. I am learning everything. English, science, Islamic studies, economics, and the fighting arts. And Nazeer is always with me, and all of the household servants.’

‘But you’re fourteen years old, Tariq. You’ve got four more years of this? Do you ever meet any other kids?’

‘Men in my family fight and lead at fifteen years old,’ Tariq declared, glaring at me. ‘And even at this age, I am already living my destiny. Can you say the same of your life?’

Young determination is the strongest energy we ever have, alone. I didn’t want to criticise his commitment: I just wanted to be sure that he was aware of alternatives.

‘Tariq,’ I sighed. ‘I don’t have the slightest idea what you’re talking about.’

‘I will not simply follow in the footsteps of my uncle,’ he said slowly, as if I was the child, ‘I will become Khaderbhai, one day, and I will lead all of these men who were here today. Including you, Lin. I will be your leader. If you are still with us.’

I looked once more at Nazeer, who gazed back at me, a softly burning diamond of pride in his eyes. I began to walk away.

‘The letter!’ Tariq said quickly.

Suddenly angry, I spun round to face him again. I was about to speak, but Tariq raised the letter in his hand.

‘It begins with a mention of Sri Lanka,’ Tariq said, offering me the silver envelope. ‘I know that it was his wish. You gave your word to go there, isn’t it so?’

‘I did,’ I said, taking the letter from his slender fingers.

‘Our agents in Trincomalee tell us that the time will soon be right for you to fulfil your promise.’

‘When?’ I asked, holding the twin legacies, letter and sword.

‘Soon,’ Tariq said, glancing at Nazeer. ‘Abdullah will let you know. But be ready, at any time. It will be soon.’

The interview was over. A cold courtesy kept the boy in his seat, but I knew that he was anxious to leave: even more anxious, perhaps, for me to leave him.

I walked toward the door leading to the courtyard. Nazeer accompanied me. At the door, I looked back to see the tall boy still sitting in the emperor chair, his face supported by his hand. His thumb extended downwards against his dimpled cheek, and the fingers fanned out across his forehead. It was exactly the gesture I’d seen when Khaderbhai was lost in thought.

At the street door of the mansion, Nazeer retrieved a calico pouch, complete with a shoulder strap. The sword fitted neatly inside, concealed by the cloth, and could be worn across my back as I rode my bike.

Slipping the pouch over my shoulder, Nazeer adjusted the sword fussily until it hung to just the right aesthetic angle. He hugged me quickly, furtively and fiercely, crunching my ribs in the hoop of his arms.

He walked away without a word or a backward glance. His bowed legs waddled at his fastest pace, hurrying him back to the boy, the young man who was his master and his only love: Khaderbhai, come back to life, so that Nazeer might serve him again.

Watching him leave, I remembered another time when the mansion had been filled with plants and the music of falling water, and tame pigeons had followed Nazeer’s every step through the huge house. They loved him, those birds.

But there were no birds in the mansion, and the only sound I heard was a metal-to-metal stutter, like teeth chattering in a freezing wind: cartridges, being inserted into the magazine of a Kalashnikov, one brass burial chamber at a time.

Chapter Eight

Outside on the street early evening glowed on every face, as if the whole world was blushing to think what the night would bring. Abdullah was waiting for me, his bike parked beside mine. He gave a few rupees to the kids who’d stood guard over our bikes. They shouted their delight, and ran to the sweet shops on the corner to buy cigarettes.

Abdullah swung out beside me into the traffic. At a red light, I spoke for the first time.

‘I’m picking up Lisa, at the Mahesh. Wanna come?’

‘I’ll ride with you that far,’ he replied solemnly, ‘but I will not join you. I have some work.’

We rode in silence along the shopping boulevard of Mohammed Ali Road. The allure of the perfume bazaars gave way to the sugared scents of firni, rabri, and falooda sweet shops. The glittering splendour of bangle and bracelet shops surrendered to the gorgeous fractals of Persian carpets, displayed side to side for a city block.

As the long road ended in a thatch-work confusion of handcarts, near the vast Crawford Market complex, we took a short cut, riding the wrong way into streams of traffic, threading through the wide eye of another junction.

Back in the right flow of traffic again, we paused for the long signal at Metro theatre junction. A movie poster covered the first floor of the cinema. Bad Guy and Good Guy faces, drenched in green, yellow and purple, told their story of love and anguish from behind a thorny hedge of guns and swords.

Families jammed into cars and taxis stared up at the movie poster. A young boy in a car near to me waved, pointed at the poster, and made his hand into a gun, to fire at me. He pulled the trigger. I pretended that a bullet had struck my arm, and the boy laughed. His family laughed. People in other cars laughed.

The boy’s kindly faced Mother urged the boy to shoot me again. The boy pointed his finger-gun, aimed with a squinting eye, and fired. I did the-Bad-Guy-coming-to-a-bad-end, and sprawled out on the tank of my bike.

When I sat up again everyone in the cars clapped or waved or laughed.

I took a bow, and turned to see Abdullah’s ashen mortification.

We are Company men, I heard him thinking. Respect and fear. One or the other, and nothing else. Respect and fear.

Only the sea on the coast ride to the Mahesh hotel finally softened his stern expression. He rode slowly, one hand on the throttle, one hand on his hip. I rode up close beside him, resting my left hand on his shoulder.

When we shook hands goodbye, I asked one of the questions that had been on my mind throughout the ride.

‘Did you know about the sword?’

‘Everyone knows about it, Lin, my brother.’

Our hands parted, but he held my eyes.

‘Some of them,’ he said carefully, ‘they are jealous that Khaderbhai left the sword to you.’

‘Andrew.’

‘He is one. But he is not the only one.’

I was silent, my lips tight on the curse that was staining the inside of my mouth. Sanjay’s words, Don’t mistake your usefulness for your value, had forked through my heart like summer lightning, and a voice was calling me to go, to run, anywhere else, before it ended in bad blood. And then there was Sri Lanka.

‘I’ll see you tomorrow, Inshallah,’ I said, standing to park my bike.

‘Tomorrow, Inshallah,’ he replied, stepping his bike into gear and pulling away from the kerb.

Without looking back, he called out to me. ‘Allah hafiz!’ May Allah be your guardian!

‘Allah hafiz,’ I replied, to myself.

The Sikh security guards at the door of the Mahesh hotel looked with some interest at the sword-shaped parcel strapped to my back, but let me pass with a nod and a smile. They knew me well.

Passports, abandoned by guests who skipped out of the hotel without paying their bills, found their way to me through the security teams or desk managers at most of the hotels in the city.

It was a steady stream of books, as illegal passports were known, running to fifteen or more a month in the skip season. And they were the best kind of books: the kind that people who lose them don’t report.

Every security office in every five-star hotel in the world has a wall of pictures of people who skipped out on a hotel bill, some of them leaving their passports behind. Most people looked at that wall to identify criminals. For me, it was shopping.

In the lobby of the hotel, I scanned the open-plan coffee lounge and saw Lisa, still at a meeting with friends beside the wide, tall windows that looked at the sea.

I decided to wash some of the street dirt off my face and hands before greeting her, and made my way toward the men’s room. As I reached the door I heard a voice, speaking from behind me.

‘Is that a sword on your back, or are you just furious to see me?’

I turned to see Ranjit, the budding media tycoon, the handsome athlete and political activist: the man that Karla, my Karla, had married. He was smiling.

‘I’m always furious to see you, Ranjit. Goodbye.’

He smiled again. It looked like an honest, earnest smile. I didn’t look close enough to find out, because the man smiling at me was married to Karla.

‘Goodbye, Ranjit.’

‘What? No, wait!’ he said quickly. ‘I’d like to talk to you.’

‘We just did. Goodbye, Ranjit.’

‘No, really!’ he said, dodging in front of me, his smile almost intact. ‘I’ve just finished a meeting, and I was on my way out, but I’m damn glad that I ran into you.’

‘Run into someone else, Ranjit.’

‘Please. Please. That’s… that’s not a word I use every day.’

‘What do you want?’

‘There’s… there’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.’

I glanced around toward Lisa, sitting with her friends. She looked up and caught my eye. I nodded. She understood, and nodded back, before returning her attention back to her friends.

‘What’s on your mind?’ I asked.

A ripple of surprise scudded across the flawless landscape of his fine features.

‘If it’s a bad time -’

‘We don’t have a good time, Ranjit. Get to the point.’

‘Lin… I’m sure we could be friends, if we just -’

‘Don’t make this about you and me, Ranjit. There is no you and me. I’d know it, if there was.’

‘You speak as if you don’t like me,’ Ranjit said. ‘But you don’t know me at all.’

‘I don’t like you. And that’s just already. If I know you better, it’s sure to get worse.’

‘Why?’

‘Why what?’

‘Why don’t you like me?’

‘You know, if you stand in the lobby stopping everyone who doesn’t like you, and asking them why, you better get a room, because you’ll be here all night.’

‘But, wait… it’s… I don’t understand.’

‘Your ambition is putting Karla at risk,’ I said quietly. ‘I don’t like it. I don’t like you, for doing it. Is that clear enough?’

‘It’s Karla that I wanted to talk to you about,’ he said, studying my face.

‘What about Karla?’

‘I want to be sure she’s safe, that’s all.’

‘What do you mean, safe?’

His brow furrowed into a discomfited frown. He fatigue-sighed, allowing his head to fall forward for a moment.

‘I don’t even know how to start this… ’

I looked around, and then directed him to a space in the wide foyer, with two empty chairs. Pulling the sword from my shoulders, I sat facing him, the calico-wrapped weapon resting on my knees.

A waiter approached us immediately, but I smiled him away. Ranjit hung his head for a time, staring at the carpet, but then shrugged himself together.

‘You know, I’ve been pretty deep in the political stuff lately. Running some important campaigns. People have been getting at me, in any press that I don’t own. I suppose you’ve heard.’

‘I heard you’ve been buying vote banks,’ I said. ‘That’s making people nervous. Back to Karla.’

‘Have you… have you talked to Karla?’

‘Why do you ask that?’

‘Have you?’

‘We’re done, Ranjit.’

I began to stand, but he pressed me to stay.

‘Look, let me get this out. I’ve been running a strong press campaign against the Spear of Karma.’

‘A spear that’ll hit Karla, if you don’t stop provoking people into throwing it.’

‘That’s… that’s just what I wanted to talk to you about. You see… I know that you’re still in love with her.’

‘Goodbye,’ I said, standing to leave again, but he grasped at my wrist.

I looked at his hand.

‘That’s not advised.’

He pulled his hand away.

‘Please, wait. Please, just sit down, and hear what I’ve got to say.’

I sat down. My brow was all fault lines, and it was Ranjit’s fault.

‘I know you’re going to think I’m really out of line,’ he said quickly, ‘but I think you’d want to know, if Karla was in danger.’

‘You’re the threat to her, and you should back off. Soon.’

‘Are you threatening me?’

‘Yes. So glad we had this talk.’

We stared at one another, across the space that hovers between predator and prey: hot, imminent and driven.

Karla. My first sight of her, on my first day in Bombay, years before, had put my heart like a hunting bird on her wrist.

She’d used me. She’d loved me, until I loved her. She’d recruited me to work for Khaderbhai. When the blood was washed from floors of love, and hate, and vengeance, and the wounds had healed to a braille of scars, she’d married the handsome, smiling millionaire staring into my eyes. Karla.

I glanced around at Lisa, beautiful and bright, in the company of her artist friends. My mouth tasted sour, and my heartbeat was rising. I hadn’t spoken to Karla for two years, but I felt like a traitor to Lisa, sitting there while Ranjit talked about Karla. I looked back to Ranjit. I wasn’t happy.

‘I can see it in you,’ he said. ‘You still love her.’

‘Do you want me to slap you, Ranjit? Because if that’s it, you’re mostly there.’

‘No, of course not. I’m sure you still love her,’ he said honestly and earnestly, it seemed, ‘because, you know, if I was you, I’d still love her, even if she left me to marry another man. There’s only one Karla. There’s only one crazy way for any man to love her. We both know that.’

The best thing about a business suit is that there’s always plenty to hang on to, if need be. I grabbed at his suit, and shirt, and tie.

‘Stop talking about Karla,’ I said. ‘Quit while you’re behind.’

He opened his mouth to shout, I think, but thought better of it. He was a powerful man, peering through a political window at more power, and couldn’t make a scene.

‘Please, please, I’m not trying to upset you,’ he pleaded. ‘I want you to help Karla. If something happens to me, will you promise -’

I let him go, and he pulled away quickly, sitting back in his chair and adjusting his suit.

‘What are you talking about?’

‘There was an attempt on my life last week,’ he said sorrowfully.

‘You’re an attempt on your own life, Ranjit, every time you open your mouth.’

‘There was a bomb in my car.’

‘Tell me about the bomb.’

‘My driver was away from the car for only a few minutes, buying paan. Luckily, he noticed a trailing wire when he returned, and he found the bomb. We called the police, and they took it away. It wasn’t a real bomb, but the note said that the next one would be. I managed to keep it from the press. I have a certain amount of influence, as you know.’

‘Change your driver.’

He laughed weakly.

‘Change your driver,’ I said again.

‘My driver?’

‘He’s your weak link. Odds are, he found the bomb there, because he put it there. He was paid. It was done to scare you.’

‘I… you’re joking, of course. He’s been with me for three years… ’

‘Good. Give him a nice severance package. But get rid of him.’

‘He’s such a loyal man… ’

‘Does Karla know about this?’

‘No. And I don’t want her to know.’

It was my turn to laugh.

‘Karla’s a big girl. And she’s smart. You shouldn’t be keeping this from her.’

‘Still… ’

‘You’re wasting your best resource, if you don’t tell her. She’s smarter than you are. She’s smarter than anybody.’

‘But -’

‘Tell her.’

‘Maybe. Maybe you’re right. But I just want to try to get a handle on this thing, you know? I think it’ll be okay. I have good security. But I worry for her. That’s my only real worry.’

‘I told you before, back off,’ I said. ‘Lay off the politics, for a while. They say the fish starts to stink at the head. I say if it stinks anywhere, you’ve been there too long.’

‘I won’t stop, Lin. These guys, these fanatics, that’s how they win. They scare everybody into silence.’

‘You’re gonna teach me politics now?’

He smiled: the first smile of his that I almost liked, because it was sewn at the edges by something kinder than bright victory.

‘I… I think we’re on the edge of a truly big change in the way we think, and act, and maybe even the way we dream in this country. If better minds win, if India becomes a truly modern, secular democracy, with rights and freedoms for all, the next century will be the Indian century, and we’ll lead the world.’

He looked into my eyes and saw the scepticism. He was right about India’s future, everyone in Bombay knew it and felt it in those years, but what he’d given me was a speech, and one he’d delivered before.

‘You know,’ I said, ‘every guy on every side makes the same speech.’

He opened his mouth to protest, but I stopped him with a raised palm.

‘I don’t do politics, but I know hatred when I see it, and I know that poking hatred with a stick will get you bit.’

‘I’m glad you understand,’ he sighed, letting his shoulders sag.

‘I’m not the one who has to understand.’

His back straightened again.

‘I’m not afraid of them, you know?’

‘It was a bomb, Ranjit. Of course you’re afraid. I’m afraid just talking to you. I’ll prefer it when you’re far away.’

‘If I knew you’d be there for her, with your… your friends, I’d be able to face this situation with a quiet heart.’

I frowned at him, wondering if he understood all the ironies that were packed into his request. I decided to throw one back.

‘Couple weeks back, your afternoon newspaper carried a pretty rough article about the Bombay mafia. One of those friends of mine was mentioned by name. The article called for him to be arrested, or banned from the city. And he’s a man who hasn’t been charged with anything. What happened to innocent before guilty? What happened to journalism?’

‘I know.’

‘And as I recall, some other articles in your newspaper called for the death penalty to be applied, in a case involving another one of my friends.’

‘Yes -’

‘And now you’re asking me -’

‘For protection for Karla, you’re right, from the same men. I know it’s hypocritical. The fact is, I’ve got nowhere else to turn. These fanatics have got people everywhere. The cops, the army, teachers, the unions, government services. The only people in Bombay not contaminated by them are… ’

‘My people.’

‘That’s right.’

It was pretty funny, in its own way. I stood up, holding the sword in my left hand. He stood with me.

‘Tell Karla everything,’ I said. ‘Anything you’ve hidden from her about this, tell her. Let her make up her own mind about staying or leaving.’

‘I’ll… yes, of course. And about our arrangement? For Karla?’

‘We don’t have an arrangement. There’s no our. There’s no you and me, remember?’

He smiled, opened his mouth to speak, but then pulled me into a hug with surprising passion.

‘I know I can count on you to do the right thing,’ he said. ‘No matter what happens.’

My face was close to his neck. There was a powerful perfume: a woman’s perfume, that had settled on his shirt not long before. It was a cheap perfume. It wasn’t Karla’s perfume.

He’d been with a woman in a suite at the hotel, minutes before he asked me to watch over his wife, the woman I still loved.

And there it was: the truth, suspended on a thread of suspicion between our eyes as I shoved him from the hug. I still loved Karla. I still loved her. It had taken that, a different woman’s scent on Ranjit’s skin, to make me face a truth that had circled my life for two years, like a wolf circling a campfire.

I stared at Ranjit. I was thinking murder, and feeling shamed love for Lisa in equal measure: not a peaceful combination. He shifted his feet awkwardly, trying to read my eyes.

‘Well… okay,’ he said, taking a step away from me. ‘I’ll… I’ll get going.’

I watched as he walked to the doors of the hotel. When he climbed into the back seat of his Mercedes sedan, I saw him glance around nervously, a man who made enemies too easily, and too often.

I looked back to see Lisa, sitting at the table near the window, and reaching out to shake hands with a young man who’d stopped to say hello.

I knew she didn’t like him. She’d once described him as more slippery than a squid in the pocket of a plastic raincoat on a rainy night. He was the son of a successful diamond trader, and he was buying an upper berth in the movie industry, shredding careers along the way.

He was kissing her hand. She withdrew her hand quickly, but the smile she gave him was radiant.

She once told me that every woman has four smiles.

‘Only four?’

‘The First Smile,’ she’d said, ignoring me, ‘is the unconscious one that happens without thinking about it, like smiling at a kid in the street, or smiling back at someone who’s smiling at us from a TV screen.’

‘I don’t smile at the TV.’

‘Everybody smiles at the TV. That’s why we have them.’

‘I don’t smile at the TV.’

‘The Second Smile,’ she’d persisted, ‘is the polite one, the kind we use to invite friends into a house when they come to the door, or to greet them in a restaurant.’

‘Are they paying?’ I’d asked.

‘You wanna hear this, or not?’

‘If I say not, will you stop?’

‘The Third Smile is the one we use against other people.’

‘Smiling against people, huh?’

‘Sure. It’s a good one. With some girls, the best smile they’ve got is the one they use to keep people away.’

‘I’m gonna let that pass, and skip to the fourth.’

‘Aaah! The Fourth Smile is the one we only give to the one we love. It’s the one that says You’re the one. Nobody else ever gets that smile. No matter how happy you are with someone, and no matter how much you like someone, even if you like them so much that you love them really, really a lot, nobody ever gets the Fourth Smile except the one you’re truly in love with.’

‘What happens if you break up?’

‘The Fourth Smile goes with the girl,’ she’d said to me that day. ‘The Fourth Smile always goes with the girl. For ex-boyfriends it’s the Second Smile from then on, unless he’s a bad ex-boyfriend. Bad ex-boyfriends only ever get a Third Smile, no matter how charming they are.’

I watched Lisa give the young producer manqué her best Third Smile, and walked to the men’s room to wash off the new dirt I’d accumulated talking to Ranjit.

The black and cream tiled restroom was larger, more elegantly lit, better appointed, and more comfortable than eighty per cent of the homes in the city. I rolled up the sleeves of my shirt, ran some water over my short hair, and washed my face, hands and forearms.

The attendant handed me a fresh towel. He smiled at me, wagging his head in greeting.

One of the great mysteries of India, and the greatest of all its joys, is the tender warmth of the lowest paid. The man wasn’t angling for a tip: most of the men who used the washroom didn’t give one. He was simply a kind man, in a place of essential requirement, giving me a genuinely kind smile, one human being to another.

It’s that kindness, from the deepest well of the Indian heart, that’s the true flag of the nation, and the connection that brings you back to India again and again, or holds you there forever.

I reached into my pocket to give him a tip, and the silver envelope containing Khaderbhai’s letter came out in my hand with the money. Handing the man his tip, I put the envelope down on the wide counter beside the basin, and then supported myself with both arms, staring into my own eyes in the mirror.

I didn’t want to read the letter: I didn’t want to roll that stone away from the cave where I’d hidden so much of the past. But Tariq said that the letter mentioned Sri Lanka. I had to read it. Locking myself in a stall, I stood the sword against a corner of the door and sat down on the hard seat-cover to read Khaderbhai’s letter.

I held in my hand this day a small blue glass ball, of the kind that they call a marble in English, and I thought about Sri Lanka, and those who will journey to there in my name, as you have promised that you will do for me. For a long time I stared at that blue glass ball in the palm of my hand after I found it on the ground and picked it up. In such fragile things and subtle ways is the pattern of our lives revealed to us. We are collections of things that we find and experience and value and keep inside ourselves, sometimes knowingly, sometimes unknowingly, and that collection of things is what we finally become.

I collected you, Shantaram. You are one of the ornaments of my life. You are my dear son, like all my dear sons.

My hands began to shake: maybe angry, maybe sad, I couldn’t tell. I hadn’t let myself mourn him. I didn’t visit the gravestone monument, in the Marine Lines cemetery. I knew his body wasn’t buried there, because I’d helped to bury him myself.

A fever boiled up through my face, chilling my scalp. My dear son…

You will hate me, I think, when you come to know all of the truth about me. Forgive me, if you can. The night is heavy on me. It may be that all men would be hated if all of the truth were known about them. But with the honesty required of a letter such as this, written on the night before we go to war together, I cannot say that I do not deserve to be hated by some. And to them in this moment I say go to hell, the lot of you.

I was born to leave this legacy. I was born to do it no matter what the cost. Do I use people? Of course I do. Do I manipulate people? As many as I need. Do I kill people? I kill anyone who opposes me violently. And I am protected in this and I endure and I grow stronger, while all around me fall, because I am following my destiny. In my heart I have done no wrong, and my prayers are sincere. I think somehow you understand that.

I have always loved you, even from the first night that we met. Do you remember? When I took you to see the Blind Singers? That is as true as any bad thing you will come to know of me. The bad things are true and I freely admit it. But the good things are just as true even though they are truths of the heart and have no reality outside what we feel and remember. I chose you because I love you and I love you because I chose you. That is the whole of the truth, my son.

If Allah wills me to Him, and you are reading this after I have gone, that is no cause for sadness. I have many questions, and Allah, as you know, is the answer to all questions. And my spirit has mixed with yours, and with all of your brothers. You will never fear. I will always be near you. When you are lost and outnumbered and abandoned you will feel the touch of my father’s hand on your shoulder, and you will know that my heart is there next to you in battle, and all my sons.

Please find a way to let my soul kneel with yours in prayer even though you are not a man of prayer. Try to find a moment for at least a little prayer every day if you can. I will visit you there sometimes when you pray.

And remember this last advice from me. Love the truth that you find in the hearts of others. Always listen to the voice of love in your own heart.

I slid letter and envelope into my wallet. The words that blue glass appeared in the fold of letter still visible in the wallet, and my heart ran to the top of the hill.

I saw his hand. I saw afternoon light, glowing on his cinnamon-coloured skin. I saw the fine, long fingers moving as he spoke, as delicate as things born in the sea. I saw him smile. I saw the light of his thoughts, streaming from his amber eyes, reflecting off the blue glass ball, and I mourned him.

For a moment I found us, my adopted father and his abandoned son, in a different somewhere beyond judgement and fault: a place forgiven, a place redeemed.

Love unlived is a sin against life, and mourning is one of the ways we love. I felt it then, and I let it happen, the longing for him to return. The power in his eyes, and the pride when I did something he admired, and the love in his laugh. The longing: the longing for the lost.

A blood-filled drum was beating somewhere. I was hot, suddenly, and breathing too hard. I clutched at the sword. I had to leave. I had to get up and leave.

It was too late: sorrows hidden behind banners of rage for years fell as tears. It was messy, and noisy.

‘Sir?’ the washroom attendant called out after a while of my blubbering. ‘Are you urgently requiring more toilet paper?’

I laughed. Bombay saved me, as she did so many times.

‘I’m good,’ I called back. ‘Thanks for asking.’

I left the stall, put the sword on the towel stand, and washed my face with cold water. Mirror check: Terrible, but you’ve looked worse. I gave the very kind attendant another tip, and made my way back through the lobby toward Lisa’s table.

She was alone, staring out at the dark sea streaked with silver. Her reflection stared back at her, taking the chance to admire. Then she saw me approaching her in the glass.

A rough day. Cycle Killers, and the Sanjay Council, and Ranjit, and Karla, and the threat of Sri Lanka, sooner rather than later. A rough day.

She turned, running the eyes of her gentle intuition over the loss and wounded love still prowling on my face.

I started to speak, but she silenced me with a fingertip on my lips, and kissed me. And it was okay again, for a while. It was a crazy love we shared: she wasn’t in love with me, and I couldn’t be in love with her. But we made the night bright and the sunlight right a lot of the time, and never felt used or unloved.

We looked through the huge picture windows to the waves rolling into the bay. Waiters carrying trays behind us were reflected on the glass, moving back and forth as if they were walking on the waves. A black sky struck the sea, melting horizons.

If the hour comes, and there’s no-one to beg or blame but yourself, you learn that what we have in the end is just a handful more than what was born in us. That unique handful, what we add to what we are, is the only story of us that isn’t told by someone else.

Khaderbhai collected me, as his letter said. But the collector was dead, and I was still an exhibit in the museum of crime he created and left to the world. Sanjay had used me to test his new gun-running contact, and that made it clear: I had to leave the collection and find my freedom again, as soon as possible.

Lisa took my hand beside me. And we stood for a while, looking out, two pale reflections painted on the endless penance of the sea.