The Mountain Shadow

Chapter Forty-Two

‘Let me begin our lessons by telling you where Khaderbhai was wrong in his instruction of you,’ Idriss said, when I’d been with him on the mountain for three restless, sleep-sluggish nights, and three days filled with chores.

‘But -’

‘I know, I know, you want the Big Answers, to the Big Questions. Where did we come from? What are we now? Where are we going? Is there a purpose to life? Are we free, or are we determined by a Divine plan? And we’ll get to them, irritating as they are.’

‘Irritating, Idriss, or irresolvable?’

‘The Big Questions only have small answers, and the Big Answers can only be found through small questions. But first, we need a little R and R.’

‘Rest and Recuperation?’

‘No, Repair and Rectification.’

‘Rectification?’ I asked, an eyebrow dissenting.

‘Rectification,’ he repeated. ‘It is the duty of every human being to help others toward rectification, whenever the discourse between them is private, and of a spiritual nature. You will help me in this, and I will help you.’

‘I’m not a spiritual person,’ I said.

‘You’re a spiritual person. The very fact that we’re having this conversation is the proof, although you don’t have the eyes to see it.’

‘Okay. But if the club lets me in, you should look at the membership criteria.’

We were sitting in a corner of the white-stone mesa with a view directly into the tallest trees in the valley. The kitchen was to our left. The main areas were behind us.

It was late afternoon. Small birds chittered from branch to branch, fussing and fidgeting among the leaves.

‘You seek escape in humour,’ he observed.

‘Actually, I just try to stay on my game. You know Karla, Idriss, and you know she likes to raise the bar.’

‘No, you are escaping, all the time, except for this woman. You are escaping everything, even me, except her. If she were not here, you would escape Bombay, as well. You are running, even when you are standing still. What are you afraid of?’

What was I afraid of? Take your pick. Let’s start with dying in prison. I told him, but he wasn’t buying it.

‘That’s not what you’re afraid of,’ he said, pointing the chillum at me. ‘If something happened to Karla, would you be afraid?’

‘Oh, yeah. Of course.’

‘That’s what I mean. The other things are things you already know, and things you can survive, if you have to. But Karla, and your family, that’s where your real fear lives, isn’t it?’

‘What are you saying?’

He settled back again, smiling contentedly.

‘It means that you are carrying fear within you, Lin. Fear should be outside us. It should only jump into us, when it is required. The rest of the time, we are designed by nature, and culture, to flourish in peace, because it’s very difficult to maintain a connection to the Divine, when you’re living in fear.’

‘Which means?’

‘You need to be rectified.’

‘What if I like being unrectified? What if I think the unrectified part is the best part? What if I’m beyond rectification? Are there rules to this procedure?’

He laughed.

‘You might be right,’ he smiled. ‘It might be the best part of you. But you can’t know, unless you submit yourself to rectification.’

‘Submit?’

‘Submit.’

‘See, when the language strays into cult territory, Idriss, the unrectified part of me yanks me outta there.’

‘Let me put it this way,’ Idriss said, leaning back in his chair. ‘Suppose you know someone, know him fairly well, and suppose there are some likeable things about him, but suppose this person is just a taker, and never a giver. Are you with me, so far?’

‘Yes.’

‘Very well. Suppose this person is ruthless with those not close to him, and never hesitates to ride on the success, talent, or money of others, but never works himself, and never puts anything back into the loop. Are you with me so far?’

‘I met this guy,’ I said, smiling. ‘Go on.’

‘Well, in that case it’s your duty, as a more rectified person, to speak to him, and attempt to moderate his damaging behaviour. But that can only work, if the other man submits himself to your counsel. If he is too proud, or too unrectified, you cannot perform your duty with him, and you must perform it with a more receptive person instead.’

‘Okay. I get it. But, Idriss, I wouldn’t call that submission. I’d call that meeting me halfway.’

‘And you’re right, it’s both of those things. It’s also common ground, and agreement, and a free discourse, but none of those things are possible without a measure of submission from everyone involved. Civilisation is submission, in a good cause. Humility is the doorway to submission, and submission is the doorway to rectification. Are we clear?’

‘I’m… with you, so far, Idriss.’

‘Thank the Divine,’ he sighed, relaxing and letting his hands fall into his lap. ‘You have no idea how many people make me go through that, again and again, with example after example, just to shove their fucking pride or prejudice out of the way for a fucking minute.’

It was the first time I’d heard him swear. He saw the glimmer in my eye.

‘I have to swear, and talk crazy, and shout, now and then,’ he said, ‘or I’d go out of my fucking mind.’

‘I see… ’

‘I don’t know how the Tantrics do it. All that physical penance, sacrifice and performing strenuous rituals, every day, for the whole of their lives. We teachers have it easy, compared to that. But we still go nuts, once in a while, under the sheer weight of being so fucking nice to everybody. Light the damn chillum, please. Where were we?’

‘Khaderbhai’s errors,’ I said, lighting the chillum for him.

He puffed for a while, found the stream, and floated his eyes into mine.

‘Tell me what you know about the movement toward complexity,’ he said, staring fixedly at me.

‘Khaderbhai said that if you take a snapshot picture of the universe, every billion years, all the way back to the Big Bang, we can see that the universe is always getting more complex. And that phenomenon, the continuous movement toward complexity, from the Big Bang to now, is the irreducibly defining characteristic of the universe as a whole. So, if this movement toward complexity defines the entire history of the universe -’

‘- then it’s a pretty good candidate as a reference point, for a definition of Good and Evil that is objective, and also universally acceptable,’ Idriss finished for me. ‘Anything that tends toward complexity is Good. Anything that tends against complexity is Evil.’

‘And the quick moral test,’ I added, ‘is to ask yourself the question: If everybody in the world did this thing I’m doing, or thinking of doing, would it help us get to more complexity, or hold us back?’

‘Excellent,’ Idriss said, smiling and blowing smoke through his teeth. ‘You’re a good student. Let me ask a question. What is complexity?’

‘Excuse me, sir.’

‘Idriss. My name is Idriss.’

‘Idriss, can I ask a question?’

‘Of course.’

‘Is the concept of Good and Evil really necessary?’

‘Of course.’

‘Okay. Well, what do you say to people who argue that Good and Evil are culturally defined, arbitrary constructs?’

‘I have a simple answer,’ he said, puffing contentedly. ‘I tell them to fuck off.’

‘That’s your answer?’

‘Certainly. I ask you, would you appoint someone who doesn’t believe there’s any such thing as Good and Evil as a babysitter to your child, or your aged grandfather?’

‘With all due respect, Idriss,’ I laughed, ‘that’s an appeal to cultural bias, and not an answer. Are Good and Evil arbitrary, or not?’

He leaned in closer to me.

‘Because we have a destiny, which is undeniable, our journey is a moral journey. Understanding what is Good, and what is Evil, and the differences between them, is a required step for us to assume our role as guardians of our own destiny. We are a young species, and assuming our destiny is a big step. We only became self-aware yesterday.’

‘I’m not completely getting it,’ I said, looking up from my notes. ‘Thinking of things in terms of Good and Evil is required, at this stage in our spiritual evolution, is that it?’

‘If there were no Good or Evil in the world,’ he said, leaning back again, ‘why would we have laws? And what are laws, but our fumbling, and constantly evolving attempt to establish what is Evil, if not what is Good?’

‘I’m still not understanding it,’ I said. ‘I hope you’ll be patient with me, but from what you’ve said, we could just as easily substitute some other words, like right and wrong, or positive and negative, for Good and Evil. And we might be better off, if we did.’

‘Oh, I see,’ he said, leaning in closer. ‘You mean the semantics of it. I thought you were talking about the cultural architecture of Good and Evil.’

‘Ah… no.’

‘Very well, on that level, the terms Good and Evil are required, because they are connected to the Divine.’

‘And what if people don’t believe in the Divine?’

‘I tell them to fuck off. I can’t waste my time with atheists. They don’t have an intellectual elbow to lean on.’

‘They don’t?’

‘Of course, not. The fact that light has both physical and metaphysical characteristics means that it is nonsense to refuse the metaphysical. And an absence of doubt is an intellectual flaw. Ask any scientist, or holy man. Doubt is the agnostics’ parachute. That’s why agnostics have a softer landing than atheists, when the Divine speaks to them.’

‘The Divine speaks?’

‘Every day, to everyone, through the soul.’

‘O… kay,’ I said, more confused than when I’d asked the question. ‘Maybe I’ll put that one in the later file. I’m sorry for the intrusion.’

‘Stop apologising. I asked you to define complexity.’

‘Well, Khaderbhai never let me pin him down on that. I asked him, a few times, but he always slipped away.’

‘What are your thoughts?’

My thoughts? I wanted to be with Karla. I wanted to know that she was safe. And if I had to be on the mountain, I wanted to listen to the teacher, rather than talk. But I’d learned, after three days of discussion, that there was no escape from the fortress of his mind.

I took a sip of water, put the glass back on the table beside us carefully, and threw my hat in the psychic ring.

‘At first, I started thinking of complexity as being about complicated things. The more complicated things are, the more complexity. A brain is more complex than a tree, and a tree is more complex than a stone, and a stone is more complex than space. Like that. But… ’

‘But?’

‘But the more I think about complexity, the longer I stay with two things. Life, and will.’

‘How did you get there?’

‘I thought about a much more evolved and advanced alien species, travelling through space. I asked myself what they might be looking for. Wherever there’s life, I think they’d be very interested. Wherever there’s fully evolved will, I think they’d be fascinated.’

‘That’s pretty good,’ Idriss said. ‘I’m going to enjoy telling you more about this. Make me another chillum. Hey, Silvano!’

The holy man’s constant companion, Silvano, crossed the white-stone space to join us.

‘Ji?’

‘Keep everyone away, for a while, please. And eat some food. You skipped lunch, again. What’s that, man? Next, you’ll be shaving your head. Don’t be holier than the fucking holy man, okay?’

‘Ji,’ Silvano laughed, backing away, and catching my eye.

Since I’d returned to the mountain, Silvano had been an almost constant companion. He was always ready to help, and always good-humoured.

The fierce scowl was only and ever the fruit of his protective love for Idriss. In every other hour of morning or evening he was a kind, happy soul, in a place that was home.

‘Complexity,’ Idriss began again, when Silvano left, ‘is the measure of sophistication in the expression of the set of positive characteristics.’

‘Can you run that by me again, please?’

‘A thing is complex, to the degree that it expresses the set of positive characteristics,’ he replied.

‘The positive characteristics?’

‘The set of positive characteristics includes Life, Consciousness, Freedom, Affinity, Creativity, Fairness and many others.’

‘Where does this set of positive characteristics come from? Who made the list?’

‘They are universally recognised, and would be recognised by your more evolved and advanced alien species, I am sure. If you look at their opposites, you’ll see why they are positive characteristics – Death, Unconsciousness, Slavery, Enmity, Destruction, and Iniquity. You do see what I am saying, don’t you? These positive characteristics are universal.’

‘Okay, if we accept the set of positive characteristics, how do we measure it? Who gets to measure it? How do we decide what’s more positive, and less positive, Idriss?’

A black cat came to stand near us, arching its back.

Hello, Midnight. How did you get here?

The cat jumped into my lap, tested or punished my patience with claws, and sat down to sleep.

‘There are two ways of looking at us,’ Idriss said, glancing out at the trees, throbbing with birds. ‘One says that we are just a cosmic accident, a fluke, and the lucky survivors of the real masters of the earth, the dinosaurs, after the fall of the Jurassic. That view says we’re all alone, because a fluke like this is unlikely anywhere else. And that we live in a universe that has us, and billions of planets with nothing more than microbes, meek little methanogens, archaea and bacteria, inheriting alkaline seas.’

A dragonfly buzzed around him for a while. He coaxed it with an extended hand, muttering to himself. He pointed his finger at the forest, and the dragonfly flew away.

‘The other view,’ Idriss said, turning to me again, ‘says that we’re everywhere, in every galaxy, and here in this galaxy, in our solar system, about two-thirds of the way out from all the action at the Milky Way’s hub, we’re the lucky ones, where evolution happened to achieve it locally. Which explanation is more plausible, do you think?’

What did I think? I dragged myself back to the bridge of ideas.

‘My money’s on the latter. If it happened here, it’s likely to be somewhere else, as well.’

‘Precisely. It’s likely that we’re not alone. And if the universe produces us, and creatures like us, when the soup is cooked just right, then the set of positive characteristics becomes tremendously significant.’

‘For us?’

‘For us, and in themselves.’

‘Are we talking about essential and contingent distinctions?’

He laughed.

‘Where did you study?’ he asked, looking me over, as if for the first time.

‘Here, at the moment.’

‘Good,’ he smiled. ‘Good. There is no distinction between the two. Everything is contingent, and essential, at the same time.’

‘I don’t follow you, I’m sorry.’

‘Let’s take a short cut,’ he said, leaning in close again, ‘because I’m dispensing with the Socratic-Freudian-question-with-a-question-bullshit. Khaderbhai loved that, may he be at peace, but I prefer to get it off my chest, and argue it out afterwards. Is that okay with you?’

‘Ah… yes. Sure. Please, go ahead.’

‘Very well, here it is. I believe that every atom in existence has a set of characteristics, given to it by light at the instant of the Big Bang. Among those characteristics is the set of positive characteristics. Everything that exists, in the form of atoms, has the set of positive characteristics.’

‘Everything?’

‘Why do you say such a doubtful thing?’

‘Doubtful, or doubting, Idriss?’

He leaned forward in his chair, and reached for the chillum.

‘Do you doubt yourself, as well?’

Did I? Of course, I did. I’d fallen: I was one of the fallen.

‘Yes.’

‘Why?’

‘At the moment, because I’m not paying for something I did.’

‘And that troubles you?’

‘Very much. I only made a down payment so far. I’ll have to pay the rest sooner or later, one way or another, and probably with interest.’

‘Maybe you’re already paying for it now, and you don’t know it.’

He was smiling, and sending gentle calm toward me.

‘Maybe I am,’ I said. ‘But not enough, I think.’

‘Fascinating,’ he said, holding out the chillum for me to light. ‘How do you get on with your father?’

‘I love my stepfather. He’s kind, and brilliant. He’s one of the finest human beings I’ve ever known. I’ve betrayed him, with my life. I’ve betrayed his integrity with what I’ve become.’

I didn’t know why I’d said it, or how the words had spilled from an urn of shame. I’d closed a steel door on the hurt I’d caused that fine man. Some things we do to others kneel so long in our hearts that bone becomes stone: a scarecrow in a chapel.

‘Sorry, Idriss. I got emotional.’

‘Excellent,’ Idriss said softly. ‘Have a smoke.’

He passed me the chillum. I smoked, and settled down.

‘Okay,’ Idriss said, leaning back and tucking his feet under his calves, ‘let’s wrap this up before some nice, sweet fellow comes along, with some girlfriend problem that I have to listen to. What’s the matter with these young people? Don’t they know it’s supposed to be problematic? Are you ready?’

‘Please,’ I said, not ready at all, ‘go ahead.’

‘The set of positive characteristics is in every particle of matter in existence, expressed at its own level of complexity, and the more complex the arrangement of the matter, the more complex the manifestation of the set of positive characteristics. Are you with me so far?’

‘Yes, I am.’

‘Very well. At our human level of complexity, two remarkable things happen. First, we have non-evolutionary knowledge. Second, we have the capacity to override our animal nature, and behave like the unique human-animals that we are. Do you see?’

‘Master!’ Silvano said, rushing into the space. ‘Can I take Lin with me, for a minute? Please!’

Idriss laughed happily.

‘Of course, Silvano, of course. Go with him, Lin. We’ll have more talks, later.’

‘As you say, Idriss. I’ll go through my notes, and be prepared when we talk again.’

Silvano rushed through the mesa, and onto the gentler path leading from the mountain.

‘Hurry!’ he called, sprinting ahead.

He branched off onto a side path, climbing very steeply to a break in the trees. There was a knoll, with a view toward the setting sun. Breathless, puffing hard, we stood side by side and stared at the view.

‘Look!’ Silvano said, pointing at a place near the centre of the horizon.

There was a building: a church, it seemed, with a spire.

‘We have not missed it.’

As the red shimmer of the sun began to set, rays of light struck the ornament at the top of the church spire.

From our vantage, I couldn’t see what the ornament was, a cross, or a cross within a circle, but the light radiating from the spire for a few moments was a field of coloured light, bathing all the homes and buildings in the valley.

It vanished in evening’s haze, as the sun slept.

‘Brilliant,’ I said. ‘When did you find this?’

‘Yesterday,’ he grinned, heading back to the camp, and his protected sage. ‘I was dying to show it to you. I don’t know how long it will last. Maybe another day or two, before the glory is gone.’

Chapter Forty-Three

When we rejoined the group on the mesa I saw Stuart Vinson, with Rannveig, talking to Idriss in the same chairs where I’d been sitting. What was it Idriss had said? Some nice, sweet fellow comes along, with some girlfriend problem that I have to listen to.

I left them alone with him, and did some chores in the kitchen. I was washing dishes when Vinson and Rannveig joined me. Rannveig picked up a tea towel, and began drying the dishes. Candles in mounds like wax models of the mountain lit the space with yellow light. Vinson watched us from the doorway. Rannveig turned ice-blue eyes on him. He jumped forward, and began putting the dry dishes away.

‘You know,’ I said to the girl, ‘there’s an alternative to Rannveig, like the runway at the airport, in English. You can also be Rannveig, as in catwalk runway.’

‘I prefer airports,’ she said sternly. ‘But thank you for your thought. I have seen Karla.’

‘Uh-huh?’

‘I would like to tell you about it, but in private. Is there somewhere we can go?’

‘I guess. Sure.’

‘Stuart,’ she said, giving him the tea towel. ‘I’m talking with Lin, for a while. Come and get me, in twenty minutes.’

I dried my hands and led her from the open kitchen to a fallen tree that many used as a place to read or converse. We sat down alone. I looked at Vinson, in the open kitchen, washing dishes contentedly.

‘I lied,’ Rannveig said.

‘About what?’

‘Karla didn’t say or do anything that I would have to tell you privately. Karla only told me to tell you that she’ll see you soon, and that she was keeping the faith, and changing the faith every day, just to be sure.’

‘Nice,’ I said, smiling. ‘What do you want to talk about, Rannveig?’

‘Your girlfriend, Lisa,’ she said intently.

She was searching my eyes, unsure whether she’d crossed a line or not.

‘Because your boyfriend died from an overdose, too?’

‘Yes,’ she said, lowering her eyes, then raising them quickly to look at Vinson.

‘It’s okay,’ I said.

She turned to face me.

‘When I heard about it,’ she said, ‘I was shocked. I only met her once, but it punched me in the stomach, you know?’

‘Me, too. How are you coping?’

‘How do I look?’

She’d filled out a little, and there was a healthy pink blush in her cheeks. Her startling eyes, blue light through blue ice, were clear. Her hands, which had fidgeted and curled into themselves whenever I’d seen her before, were as calm as sleeping kittens in her lap.

She wore a sky-blue T-shirt, a man’s suit vest, and faded jeans. Her feet were bare. She wore no jewellery or make-up. Her oval-shaped face was driven by a strong nose, and full lips.

‘You look very pretty,’ I said.

She frowned at me. Maybe she thought I was coming on to her.

‘I’m not coming on to you,’ I laughed. ‘I’m taken, for this and many lifetimes, past and to come.’

‘You are? You found someone again, after -’

‘Before. And after. Yeah.’

‘And you’re connected to someone? Like before?’

‘Oh, yeah. But not like before.’

‘Better?’

‘Better. And it’ll get better for you.’

She looked at Vinson, drying dishes.

‘My family, in Norway, they’re very strict Catholics. My boyfriend was everything they hated, so, you know, to show my independence I followed him to India.’

‘What was he doing in India?’

‘We were supposed to be going to an ashram, but when we got to Bombay, we never moved.’

‘He’d been here before?’

‘A few times, yes. Now, I know it was for drugs, each time.’

‘But it hurt, when he died. And it still hurts, right?’

‘I wasn’t in love with him, but I liked him a lot, and I really tried to care for him.’

‘And what about Vinson?’

‘I think I’m falling in love with Stuart. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt like this about anyone. But I’m not letting myself go to him. I can’t. I know he wants it, and I want it too, but I can’t.’

‘Well… ’

‘How are you coping with it?’ she demanded, her mouth wide with pleading. ‘How did you get connected again?’

How did I get connected again? It was a good question, for a man who was a mountain away from the woman he loves.

‘Stuart will be generous, I think,’ I said. ‘He’ll give you time. There’s no rush. From what I can see, he’s much happier than when I first met him.’

‘He could be happier,’ she sighed. ‘And so could I. Do you get stuck, sometimes, in memories?’

‘Sure.’

‘You do?’

‘Sure. It’s a natural thing. We’re emotional minds. And it’s okay, so long as it’s a ride, and not a way of life. Are you flashing back?’

‘Yeah. I see him in my mind, when I stop thinking. It’s like he’s still with me.’

‘You know, the guy you were talking to, the sage, Idriss, he told someone yesterday that they can release a departed spirit by offering food, on a plate, by a river, and leaving it there for the crows and the mice to eat.’

‘How… how does that work?’

‘I’m no expert, but apparently the appeased spirits are released, to the next part of the journey.’

‘I’d try anything, at the moment. Whenever I relax and stop thinking, he’s right beside me.’

I’d started the conversation about appeasing departed spirits as a distraction, to raise her own spirits, but the words opened a door in her eyes, showing how afraid she was inside. She was shaking. She hugged herself.

‘Listen, Rannveig, you know, there’s a river you have to cross, on the way back to the main road. I’ll prepare a plate for you, and you can leave it by the river, if you like. Did your boyfriend have a sweet tooth?’

‘He did.’

‘Good. There’s plenty of sweets prepared for tonight. Maybe your boyfriend will be so happy he’ll move on, and leave you alone.’

‘Thank you. I’ll definitely try it.’

‘It’s gonna be okay,’ I said. ‘It gets easier.’

‘Do you meditate?’

‘Only when I’m writing. Why?’

‘I’ve been thinking I should start meditating or something,’ she said absently, then quickly found my eyes again. ‘What do you think of him?’

‘Vinson?’

‘Yes, Stuart. I don’t have a brother or father here to ask about him. What do you think of him?’

I looked at Vinson, stacking the last of the pots and dishes on the shelves, and wiping down the long stainless steel sinks.

‘I like him,’ I said. ‘And I’m absolutely sure he’s nuts about you. If you’re not his soul mate, Rannveig, you should break it to him. Soon. This is it, for him.’

‘Do you ever get depressed? Stuart told me some things about you. About your life. Do you ever get days when you think of suicide?’

‘Never in captivity, and one way or another, most of my life has been spent in captivity.’

‘Seriously. Do you ever have days when you simply want it to end? All of it, at once?’

‘Look, suicide and I are nodding acquaintances. But I’m more your till-the-last-dying-breath kind of guy.’

‘But life can be so shit, sometimes,’ she said, looking at me again.

‘It’s all good, even the bad stuff. It’s all blood, flowing through the heart, and wonderful minutes, of wonderful things. I’m a writer. I have to believe in the power of love. Suicide isn’t an option.’

‘Not for you.’

‘And not for you. If you’re thinking about it, you can also put some thought into the fact that you don’t have the right to take your own life. Nobody does.’

‘Why not?’ Rannveig like the runway asked, her eyes wide, innocent of the cruel, broken question she’d just asked.

‘Think of it this way, Rannveig, does a deranged person have the right to kill a stranger?’

‘No.’

‘No. And when suicide is in your head, you’re the deranged person, and you’re also the stranger, in danger of the harm you might do to yourself. No matter how bad things get, you don’t have the right to kill the stranger that you might become, for a while, in your own life. The rest of your life would tell you, at that point, it’s not an option.’

‘But you don’t get the blues, ever?’ she asked.

She was so earnest that I wanted to put my arm around her.

‘Of course. Everybody does. But you’re young, and your life is so rich. It’s a hoard of minutes. We don’t have the right to destroy them, or even waste them, as I’m doing. We only have the right to experience them. So, get that crap out of your head. Not an option, okay? And don’t stress. It’ll pass. Vinson’s a good guy. He’ll wait as long as it takes for you to make up your mind, and get your feelings right, whichever way they fall. Everything will pass. Get up and fight.’

‘You’re right, I know, but sometimes the cloud takes a long time to clear the sun.’

‘You’re a very nice, very serious girl, who went through the same burning door that I did. It knocked you around, like it did me. You’re doing fine. You’re doing great. Look at me. I was running around town getting kicked by the cops. You’re so much healthier than when I saw you last time. Talk to Idriss before you leave. He’s pretty cool.’

‘You are a criminal,’ she said flatly.

It was a statement.

‘Ah… sure.’

‘Can a woman who is not a criminal, love a criminal? Have you seen this?’

I had, but not often.

‘Ah… sure.’

She looked doubtful, but I didn’t want to convince her.

‘You’re gonna have to talk to Vinson, about crime and punishment,’ I said. ‘It’s none of my business, how another man makes his money on the street.’

‘Do you know that Stuart killed someone?’

‘You know,’ I said, looking up at the small groups of people talking and doing chores on the mesa, ‘if we’re gonna talk about Vinson, we should invite Vinson.’

‘Not now,’ she said softly. ‘Not yet.’

I stood, and she stood with me.

‘Do you wish,’ she said falteringly, ‘do you constantly wish that you had done something else?’

‘It’s just regret,’ I said.

‘Regret,’ she repeated absently.

‘You know how they have proof of life, in a kidnapping?’

‘Not really.’

‘When someone’s kidnapped, the negotiator wants proof that the kidnapped person is still alive. A phone call, or film. Proof of life.’

‘Okay.’

‘Regret is just proof of soul, Rannveig. If you didn’t feel it, you wouldn’t be the nice person you are, and Vinson wouldn’t be deranged about you. It’s a good thing. And it’s a better thing when it fades, which it will, soon enough.’

We walked back toward the centre of the mesa. Vinson joined us, a smile like an empty beach on his face.

‘I’m going to talk to Idriss now, Stuart,’ Rannveig said, walking past him. ‘Please collect me after twenty minutes.’

‘Okay, babe,’ he said, grinning after her, his eyes following her like puppies.

‘What brings you to the mountain, Vinson?’

‘It was Rannveig’s idea. She was talking to Karla. That Karla’s something, isn’t she? I don’t understand half of what she says.’

‘You’re doin’ okay with half. She’s the quickest draw I ever saw.’

‘How did you meet her?’

‘She saved my life,’ I said. ‘Listen, they’ve just started the main fire. We can sit there, while Rannveig talks to Idriss. Sound like a plan?’

‘You bet.’

Most of the students on the mountain were involved in cooking, or preparing devotional idols for prayers. I asked one of them to prepare the plate of sweets for Rannveig’s persevering ghost, and to leave it with Silvano.

There was no-one sitting by the fire. Vinson and I sat on box crates, looking through the flames at the flame of Vinson’s heart, twenty metres away with Idriss, and beyond sound.

‘You know, Lin,’ he said, turning to me, ‘I wanted to come, anyway. I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. Lisa was a fine girl.’

‘Thanks, Vinson. You were at the service Karla organised. This is the first chance I’ve had to tell you, I appreciate it.’

‘It was nothing. We were honoured to attend, man.’

‘How’s Rannveig doing?’

‘Well,’ he said, scratching at his short beard, and stretching his mouth into a struggle with words.

He sighed, and let his hands fall to his thighs.

‘She’s hurt. She’s really hurt. I think, sometimes, that maybe I should get some professional help, a grief counsellor, but then, like, I always come back to the fact that nobody will ever care about her as much as I do.’

‘Except for Rannveig herself.’

‘Yeah, of course, kinda, when she’s better.’

‘Now, actually.’

‘But, like, she’s not a hundred per cent yet, man.’

‘She has to be her own principal caregiver, Vinson, just like you are for Vinson, see? Cut her as much slack as she needs. Let her explore.’

‘Explore?’

‘Whatever she wants to do, or try, support her in it. Just give her time, and space. If she’s yours, sooner or later she’ll come to know it.’

Advice, from a man who wasn’t with the only woman he ever loved, because he couldn’t reach out from a shadow of the lost. Who the hell was I to give advice?

‘Who the hell am I to give advice, man?’ I said. ‘Do your best, Vinson. We mess up. We all mess up. We’ll probably never stop messing up. But if we just keep doing our best, sooner or later it’s gotta be good enough for somebody. Am I right?’

‘Amen to that, brother!’ he said, slapping hands with me. ‘You know, I saw Concannon the other day. I was in Null Bazaar, visiting one of my dealers. He came in with a few guys. He was walking with a stick. It’s black, with a silver skull for a knob. Pretty cool, although I wouldn’t mind betting he’s got a sword in it.’

‘No doubt. Did he say where he was staying?’

‘No. But I heard a rumour he’s got a place way out, in Khar. But it’s only a rumour. There’s a lotta rumours floating around about that guy. He asked about you.’

‘What did he say?’

‘Where’s the Australian convict?’

‘What did you tell him?’

‘I said, Is that a trick question? Lucky for me, he’s got a sense of humour. I got outta there pronto, man. That guy was okay, when I met him, kinda, but now, like, a whole city isn’t far enough away.’

‘Don’t stress about Concannon. There’s a line ahead of you there.’

Idriss and Rannveig stood up. We walked around the fire to join them. Silvano was a step behind, the rifle on his shoulder.

‘You’re sure you won’t stay the night?’ Idriss asked her, holding her hands in his.

‘Thank you, sir, no. Stuart’s maid has a bad cough, and I want to be sure she is okay. She has been so kind to me, and there is no-one at home with her until we return.’

‘Very well, please give her our blessings. And come again, whenever you wish.’

She knelt to touch the earth before the teacher’s feet. Vinson shook hands amiably.

‘Thank you for your hospitality, sir,’ he said.

‘You are most welcome,’ Idriss said.

Silvano drew two young men to his side.

‘These two men are walking down now by the safer path,’ he said. ‘They will guide you, one torch in front, and one torch behind.’

‘They’ve got the plate of food for the sweet tooth spirit,’ I told her. ‘It’s wrapped in red cloth. They’ll give it to you at the base, and tell your driver where to stop. You’ll find the riverbank by torchlight.’

‘Thank you,’ she said dreamily. ‘Thank you for everything.’

They said their farewells, and walked into the darkness beyond the fire.

And I dreamed of them, that night, and a few times in the week that followed. And Didier visited my dreams, reminding me of the priorities. And Abdullah, the shadow-rider, visited dreams that raced over rooftops. And Lisa, calling to me in echoes of sorrow and remorse, hers and mine.

The world below the mountain was changing, of course, as everything does, but I couldn’t connect to it, except in those dreams. I wasn’t just physically separated from the life I’d made my own, and the people who’d become my society of friends: the mountain was my heart’s retreat from that world, and it faded in that cleaner, clearer air, only forcing its way back through visitors and dreams.

They were hard dreams. They woke me, most nights and mornings, before the sun and songbirds could ease me from sleep. And the dream-words that woke me that night were Rannveig’s, asking me about regret.

I sat up, listening to night sounds in the forest. A figure dressed in a robe as white as the stones beneath his feet walked across the courtyard of the mesa.

It was Idriss, carrying his long staff. He stopped at the edge of the clearing, where a break in the tree line gave a view of the city’s lights on the horizon.

He stood there for a while, appeasing spirits of his own, perhaps, or walking his own tightrope between attrition and contrition. Then he walked back to his cave slowly, his face drawn in sadness, and his steps quiet on the shifting stones.

Regret is a ghost of love. Regret is a nicer self that we send into the past from time to time, even though we know it’s too late to change what we said, or did. We do it because it’s human: a thing of our kind. We do it because we care, drawn by threads of shame that only fray and wither in the sea of regret.

Along the way regret, even more than love, teaches us that harm creates harm, and compassion creates compassion. And having done its work, regret fades to the nothing that all things become.

I lay back, wondering if Rannveig had placed the food beside the river on her way home from the mountain, and if the spirit she was resurrecting with remorse was free to leave her, in peace.

Chapter Forty-Four

I saw many visitors sweat their way into the mountain camp, and glow like stones in clear water when they strolled out again. The teacher was always gentle and serene. Nothing dislodged his benign smile. Nothing interrupted his trance of patient empathy. Until, that is, he was with Silvano and me, playing cards behind the shower screen.

His equanimity capsized in the cardroom-washroom, and he swore oaths against stupidity and cursed the malignantly uninformed.

The devotees beyond the curtain could hear his tirades and cursing, but the thin sheet was enough to preserve the dignity that never failed when Idriss was in public, and the heir to their eyes.

It was a peaceful enough place: an open prison. There was no authority, and no walls but those you had to climb inside. Yet the chains that bound the devotees who lived with Idriss were no less severe.

They loved him, and couldn’t leave him without weeping distress. Mind you, he was an easy man to love.

‘Non-evolutionary knowledge,’ he said, in one of our rare, undisturbed hours, two weeks after I’d arrived on the mountain. ‘Summarise.’

‘Again, Idriss?’

‘Again, impudent intellect,’ he said, leaning close so that I could relight his joint. ‘Knowledge isn’t knowledge, until the truth of it is self-evident in the sharing. Again.’

‘Okay, in a world where apples fall from trees, it’s sufficient evolutionary knowledge to step out of the way from falling apples, or to catch one, or pick one up off the ground and eat it. All the other stuff we know, like the rate at which it falls, and the calculations that allow us to land a craft on Mars, is non-evolutionary. Not required, for evolutionary purposes. So, why do we have it? And what’s it for? Is that a fair summary?’

‘C-plus. You left out that if you extrapolate all the branches of non-evolutionary knowledge, all the sciences, arts and philosophy to their logical extremes, you get knowledge about how everything does everything.’

‘And?’

‘Well, in itself, nothing at all. At the moment, for example, based on our record here on Earth, the sciences and philosophies are giving us the means to annihilate ourselves, and most of the other species with us. So, in itself, all our knowledge means nothing. But, combined with our capacity to override our animal nature, and to express our uniquely human nature, which is a very nice nature, as it happens, it is everything.’

‘I’m not seeing it.’

‘You’re looking right at it, but you’re not seeing it. All animals have an animal nature. We have an animal nature that’s pretty close to that of bonobos, I’m glad to say, but just like bonobos do, we act like chimps when we’re under extreme stress.’

‘And that’s our animal nature?’

‘Pretty much. But unlike chimps and bonobos, we don’t always have to do that. We have the capacity to modify the way we behave. A chimp, is a chimp, is a chimp. But a human being can be anything that he or she wants to be.’

‘How, exactly?’

‘When we express our truly human nature, we create humane-human things that don’t exist in the animal world. Things like democracy, and justice. There’s no Democratic Front of Chimpanzees. There’s no Court of Justice for lions and zebras.’

‘I guess not, but -’

‘We humans, uniquely, can shape our behaviour with ideas, and feelings, and devotion and art. Things that come from nowhere else but our humanity. We make ourselves, don’t you understand?’

‘There’s plenty of animal nature on display, Idriss,’ I said. ‘I’ve put some of it on display myself.’

‘Of course, our animal nature expresses itself very frequently, and not always pleasantly. Most of the bad news, anywhere, caused by man, is our animal nature, expressing itself without constraint. But the stuff in the arts pages and the science pages of the same newspaper, has more to do with our humane-human nature.’

‘I don’t see a lot of good, where I work.’

‘We can be anything we want to be, including angels. The best that we can do, when we’re determined to do well by one another, is unmatched in the natural world. And when our humane-human selves release our minds from vanity, and greed, we will not only achieve miracles, we’ll be the miracles that we’re destined to be.’

It was a long speech, and as with many of his longer speeches, he ended it with a question.

‘What is your understanding of the difference between Fate and Destiny?’

Fate, Karla once said, and Destiny, his Twin Sister.

‘I just can’t live with the notion that we’re not in control of our own destiny, and that Fate can play with us, like so many toy soldiers.’

‘Fate doesn’t play with us,’ Idriss said, finishing a joint. ‘Fate responds to us.’

‘How?’

He laughed.

It was a day so bright, immaculate heaven so blue, that we were both wearing sunglasses. He couldn’t see my eyes, and I couldn’t see his. It helped, because very often, when I stared into his leaf-brown eyes long enough, I fell like a kid into a creek, and had to think fast to catch up, when a question shook me from the stream.

The students and devotees talked and laughed in the shade, all the chores done for the day. The sky seemed to hover much higher than it usually did, as if there was more space and light.

‘You want to know how Fate works, because you want to fight with Fate, isn’t it?’ Idriss asked. ‘Your instinct is to fight, if you feel yourself under threat. You think that Fate is fighting with you, and you want to gain an advantage in the struggle. Am I right?’

‘I’d like to win in a fair fight, but I get the feeling that Fate cheats.’

‘And how does Fate cheat?’

‘I think Fate and Time have a thing going on. They’re partners in crime.’

‘Definitely,’ he laughed. ‘Fate is another name for Karma, which is another name for Time, which is another name for Love. All of them are names for a tendency field, which permeates the universe. In fact, it’s not too much to say that it is the universe.’

‘A tendency field, Idriss?’

‘A tendency field.’

‘What’s it made of, this tendency field?’

‘Dark energy, probably, but it’s not what it’s made of that counts. It’s what it is that matters, just as all the atoms that your body is made of are not what you are.’

‘Okay, a dark energy tendency field,’ I said, trying to follow. ‘And what does it do?’

‘The tendency field is what drives the movement toward complexity, and it has done so since the singularity. In that sense, it is the universe. When conscious self-awareness occurs, emerging from sufficient complexity, a link is established between the tendency field and each individual consciousness that engages with it.’

‘What kind of a link?’

‘The tendency field is what responds to our instinct for the Divine. We can’t know the Divine, directly. We can’t directly know the Source of this universe, and its tendency field, and all the other infinite universes like this one, infinitely expanding like flowers and shrivelling again to nothing, and blooming again, in a garden of eternal creation, somewhere in the mind of God. We can’t know that. We don’t even know all there is to know about our own universe, let alone the infinite multiverse, or the Divine that created it. But we can know the tendency field very directly, any time we want.’

‘How?’

Idriss laughed again, and lit another joint.

‘Isn’t it your turn to talk?’

He mocked me gently at least once in every talk: to keep me on my game, perhaps, or to provoke me into a revelation. Every guru, even those who tell you there are no gurus, is an excellent psychologist, skilled in the provocation of truth.

‘I do interrupt a lot, Idriss, and I’m sorry, but only when I don’t understand. Right now, I got it. Please, go ahead.’

‘Very well,’ he said, relaxing again with his feet tucked up beneath him in the canvas chair. ‘Let’s do this thing. At the Big Bang, some characteristics were imparted to the born universe. Space, for example, and time, and matter, and gravitation, all examples of characteristics imparted to the universe by the Big Bang. And the tendency field, which drives the tendency toward complexity, was another of the characteristics imparted at the Big Bang. I also want to say that the set of positive characteristics was imparted to every particle of matter, as well. You’re with me so far?’

‘Space, time, matter, gravitation, classical physics, particle physics, tendency field, positive characteristics, all imparted in the Birth-Bang.’

‘Yes,’ he chuckled. ‘Concisely put. The tendency field operates on a very simple semi-Boolean program – If This, Then That – which runs everything, everywhere. The basic algorithm, if this happens, then that happens, runs everything, including entropy. If it happens that a fully self-aware consciousness arises, then the connection to the tendency field happens.’

‘Doesn’t entropy run counter to complexity?’

‘No. Entropy runs counter to order. And anyway, infinite entropy only applies in a closed system. And with black holes in our universe, leading who knows where, this isn’t a closed system.’

‘Sorry to go back. You mean, no matter what you do in life, good or bad, you can always connect to this tendency field?’

‘If you get in tune with the tendency field, through expanding and exploring the set of positive characteristics within yourself, the tendency field responds with constant energy, and affirmations. If you work against the tendency field, by being negative, unfair, unloving, and unconscious of the truth, you weaken your connection to the tendency field, and you experience existential dread, no matter how rich or famous or powerful you are.’

‘Existential calm, instead of dread? Is that what you’re saying?’

‘If you remain connected to the tendency field, you have serenity. Life is connection, the world is connection, and both are always impoverished by disconnection.’

‘Just about everyone I know, outside of my close friends, has some kind of existential dread. Isn’t it a part of the human condition?’

‘Nothing is a part of the human condition, but our common humanity. A few hundred of us we were, when we began. A few hundred, with no claws or savage teeth but those we cut from the predators that tried to prey upon us. We learned, through cooperation and love, to fear no creature, and no place on land or sea. We are magnificent, and we are malignant. But we can be anything we want ourselves to be, from killers of neighbours, to saviours of distant neighbours in our galaxy. We can shape our destiny. We have the tools. We can -’

A commotion among the students drew the holy man’s attention. We turned to see that Naveen and Diva had arrived on the mountain. They were talking with the small crowd.

‘What a pretty girl,’ Idriss said quietly. ‘Do you know her?’

‘Her name’s Divya Devnani, but I suggest that you call her Diva.’

‘Is her father Mukesh Devnani, the industrialist?’

‘The same.’

‘Then she must be in trouble. Introduce me, please.’

‘Yes, sir.’

I made the introductions. When Idriss took Diva by the hand and led her to the comfortable deckchair I’d vacated, I walked Naveen to sit with me on the log where Rannveig sat with me, weeks before, talking crime and punishment.

Naveen opened the discussion with crime, and punishment.

‘Concannon’s moving his dope gig around,’ he said when we sat down. ‘It’s a moveable beast, and hard to pin down, but I’m starting to get a line on him. And there’s a contract out on Ranjit.’

‘You don’t say. How much is it?’

Naveen looked at me, all straight-arrow detective.

‘Why do you want to know?’

‘Just curious,’ I said, smiling. ‘If there’s a pot, I’ve got some friends who’d like to throw a few bucks in.’

‘Matter of fact, there is,’ he smiled. ‘Legend has it, a local contractor and a local politician were trying to outbid each other to have him killed, but then joined forces, to double the pot.’

‘That should keep him out of Bombay for a while. Check with anyone who knows Goa, if you can. I’ve got some friends from the Company in Delhi. I’ll ask around, and see if he’s hiding there.’

‘Hell, yeah. On another front, there were two fights between Sanjay Company and Scorpion guys in Colaba last week. Shots fired. Two shops wrecked. That little war the Scorpions started at Leo’s got hotter. One of their houses on Marine Lines was burned down. In retaliation, the newspapers say. A female nurse died in the fire. There’s a helluva racket in the press. Sanjay was detained, but they let him go. Lack of evidence.’

I’d been in that house. I knew that Vishnu’s wife was ill. That’s why a nurse was in the mansion; a nurse, who died. I knew that Vishnu wouldn’t stop until the fire was burning in front of Sanjay’s eyes.

‘Oh, and your friend Abdullah is back,’ Naveen added. ‘He said that he’ll meet you, when you get off the mountain. But he said to stay here, at least another week.’

‘Another week?’

‘That’s what he said.’

‘Damn, that was a news report. Thanks for coming up here, to tell me.’

‘Actually,’ he said, smiling, ‘we came up here with a friend of yours.’

I searched his eyes. He nodded.

‘Where is she?’

‘In that second cave, over there. She asked me to give her a few minutes before telling you, and nobody says no to Karla!’

Chapter Forty-Five

I ran across the slippery white stones, stopping before the entrance to the cave. I glimpsed inside. She was sitting on a wooden stool, examining a silver figurine of the Goddess Lakshmi resting in her palm.

I stood in the entrance to the cave, facing the wind as she’d done, the first time I’d seen her on the mountain.

‘Tell me a joke, Karla.’

She turned slowly to look at me. From the corner of my eye, I could see that she was smiling.

‘So,’ I asked, ‘you got a joke, or don’t you?’

‘Okay. Why do cops call informers two-slappers?’

‘Three weeks I haven’t seen you, and you give me cop jokes?’

‘It’s sixteen days and eight hours. You want a joke, or don’t you?’

‘Okay. Why do cops call informers two-slappers?’

‘Because you gotta hit them once, to start them talking, and hit them again, to shut them up.’

‘Come here,’ I said.

She kissed me, arms around my neck, legs stretched to toes, her body pressed to mine like two trees grown as one.

‘I’m so glad to see you,’ I said. ‘What’s with the ten minutes Naveen had to stall me?’

‘I was a little hot from the climb, and I wanted to look cool. For you.’

‘Let’s go someplace.’

I took Karla to Silvano’s Point, where we sat on stony grass with a wide view of the trees below. A breeze hit the cliff in waves, rolling up from the valley in gusts of warm air. Trees on the cliff-edge swayed, sprinkling feathered shade.

‘Tell me everything,’ she said.

‘That’s funny. I was just going to ask you the same thing.’

‘No, you go first.’

‘There’s not much to report. It’s generally pretty quiet. It’s kind of like a theme park, up here, for people who like housework. They’re big on chores.’

‘How’s that working out?’

‘Okay. I prefer chores to rules.’

‘Thanks for staying, Shantaram. I love you for it. I know it’s not where you wanted to be.’

She hadn’t explained why she wanted me out of the city, and I didn’t ask her. I was just glad that she was with me.

‘It’s never boring, though. A lot of people come up to see Idriss, and only stay for an hour or two.’

‘What kind of people?’

She relaxed, leaning on her palms, and smiling happily in the sunlight.

‘There was a politician up here a couple of days ago. He had an O.K. Corral of guns and bodyguards. He wanted advice. Idriss told him to give up his bodyguards, and armoured cars, and walk among the people in a simple shirt, trousers and sandals.’

‘What did the politician say?’

‘The politician said that if he did that, he’d be murdered. There’s your problem, Idriss said. Go and solve it.’

‘I love that guy,’ she said. ‘He should do stand-up.’

‘And half a dozen Shiva sadhus came and stayed. They preferred their oxygen smoked, argued with Idriss day and night, and started waving their Shiva tridents over their heads, threatening to kill everybody. In the end, Silvano and I had to handle it.’

‘With Silvano’s rifle?’

‘Of course not. You can’t shoot holy men. We paid them to leave.’

‘Smart move. How’s it been, with Silvano?’

‘Great. He’s a good guy.’

‘I knew you’d like him, because he’s a lot like you.’

‘Like me?’

‘Oh, yeah.’

I thought about it, but not for long.

‘I like him. I’d like him on our team.’

‘Our team? We’ve got a team?’

‘I’ve been giving it some thought. I’ve been thinking we could -’

‘Let’s talk about that later,’ she said. ‘How’s it going with Idriss?’

I wanted to talk about us, and what we were going to do together in the Island City, or away from it. I wanted to talk about us, and I wanted to kiss her.

‘I’d rather talk about us,’ I smiled.

‘How’s it going with Idriss?’ she repeated.

‘Idriss… is pretty cool, I gotta admit.’

‘Has he opened any doors for you?’

A big question, and a funny one at that: I spent most of my life closing doors, and doing everything I could to keep them closed. There was too much of the past that I didn’t want to remember.

‘Doors in the mind, certainly,’ I said. ‘But if you mean, am I a transformed man? No, it’s still me.’

She looked out at the view: the valley and the spired village, shimmering in the distance.

‘Did you find Madame Zhou?’ I asked.

‘She’s gone to ground,’ Karla replied, looking at the point where earth strains to kiss the sky.

‘Nothing at all?’

‘No-one’s seen her or heard from her since Didier and Naveen started asking around. She’s probably still here. She’s cunning. If she doesn’t want to be found, she’s invisible.’

‘Nobody’s invisible. If she’s still around, we’ll find her. Naveen gave me a message from Abdullah. He -’

‘Told you to wait here at least another week. Abdullah called, and told me. That’s why I pulled Naveen up here with me.’

‘And Diva?’

‘That’s something else. I wanted her to meet Idriss. I have plans for Diva, and something tells me that Idriss is a cosmic connection.’

‘Speaking of cosmic connections,’ I said, pulling her on top of me to kiss her.

Earth-smell through her hair. The sun touching us with warm light breaking through leaves, and winds rushing trees on the cliff with hot breath. Karla.

‘Can we sleep here tonight, Shantaram?’

‘We can sleep here now.’

‘Good. Then let’s go back to the kids, and play nice.’

‘Well… I… ’

We played nice with Naveen and the students. Idriss kept Diva in conversation for two hours, and then insisted that the poor little rich girl stay the night, in a poor little poor girl cave, with the other girls on the mountain.

Diva surprised me by agreeing immediately, and then unsurprised me by sending Naveen back to the car to fetch her essential supplies.

When we’d eaten dinner, and cleaned the dishes, some students left for the night, and others retired to the caves, to study or sleep. The night owls, my friends, sat around the fire, and sipped too-sweet black tea, laced with rum.

I stood to say goodnight to Idriss and Silvano, sitting with me, on the other side of the fire.

Naveen, Diva, and Karla talked and laughed together, firelight painting mysterious beauty.

‘That Diva is a remarkable young woman,’ Idriss said softly, as she laughed at something Karla said.

In her private conversation with Idriss, Diva had made the sage laugh so hard that he got the giggles, and couldn’t stop. Watching her laughing by the fire, the holy man chuckled again.

‘Don’t you think she’s remarkable?’

I looked at her, sitting next to Karla. I couldn’t see it.

‘I see a very spoilt girl,’ I said. ‘Smart, pretty, and spoilt.’

‘You might be right, now,’ Idriss laughed. ‘But think of what she will become, and what she could achieve.’

He retired for the night, Silvano at his side.

As I joined the others, Diva dragged Karla by the elbow, and they walked off together to sit in the canvas chairs that faced the eastern forest.

I could just see their profiles, dipping past the edges of the chairs as they talked. I sat down with Naveen.

‘Good to see you smiling, man,’ he observed.

‘Was I smiling?’

‘You were smiling. Well, before Karla left you were.’

He prodded at the fire with a stick, throwing up brittle sparks.

‘What’s on your mind, kid?’

‘It can wait till morning,’ he said, pestering the fire.

‘No time like the present. What’s up?’

‘I’m worried about her,’ he said, glancing up at the girls sitting in the canvas chairs, just out of hearing, except for their laughter.

‘Karla?’

‘No,’ he frowned. ‘Diva.’

‘What’s the problem?’

‘Her father got mixed up with some very bad guys. I’m talking supremely bad guys. It’s long money, and they’ve got short tempers.’

‘Wait a minute. Mukesh Devnani is one of the richest guys in Bombay.’

‘He took in a lot of black investment money from somewhere. He wanted to move from building convention centres to building whole towns and cities, straight off the plan. The only people with the real money to make that dream come true -’

‘- were the short-tempered guys. And now they want their money back, with interest.’

‘Right. It’s a weird thing that Ranjit is mixed up in this.’

‘Ranjit? How?’

‘He was running a campaign in his newspapers against one of the big new cities that Mukesh was set to build. The scare stories forced the government to change course, and cancel Mukesh’s permits. The whole thing started falling apart. It’s gotten so bad that when the cops come to his mansion, we never know if it’s to protect him or arrest him.’

‘He has to pay up, Naveen, even if it bankrupts him.’

‘That’s what I say. That’s what I told him, respectfully. But there’s some hitch. I don’t know what it is. I don’t get up to the mansion in Juhu very often now. I put this together in the few chances I got to rummage around in his office. I think Diva… I think she’s a kidnap, waiting to happen. Her Mother died six years ago. She’s his only child. His only heir. It’s a way for his enemies to hurt him. It’s just logic, in a twisted way. I’m worried, man.’

‘You really think it’s that bad?’

‘I do. I’m… a little freaked out. This is over my head, and I really care about this girl, even if I think her father is a prick.’

‘Take her out of the city.’

‘I’ve tried. She knows that something’s up with her dad. She won’t leave.’

‘You could hide her, for a while.’

‘How? Where? She’s famous, man. I spend more time dodging the press than I do dodging bad guys. And she loves it. I had to ban the phone. She was calling the paparazzi and telling them where she’d be. She knows them on a first name basis. She buys them rounds of drinks. She’s a godmother to one of their kids.’

I laughed, but then saw that he was still too serious for laughter.

‘She thinks discretion is anything that doesn’t involve skywriting, which she’s done, for her eighteenth birthday party. She told me. It’ll be the same wherever she goes.’

‘You could hide her in the slum,’ I suggested. ‘If she’s game for it. I hid there myself once, for eighteen months, and it’s one of the safest places I’ve ever been in my life.’

‘Would they take her in?’

‘The head man’s a friend. And he loves a party. He’s gonna love Diva. But it’s not for everybody, and Diva certainly isn’t everybody.’

‘Are you serious, about the slum?’

‘Unless you can think of a better place to hide a Bombay Diva from the madding crowd? But no promises. I have to run it by my friend, first.’

He looked again at the girls. Karla and Diva were honking with laughter, covering their mouths and noses to smother the noise.

They were drinking something. It looked good.

‘Listen, Naveen, if you still think it’s a good idea when I come down from the mountain, I’ll ask Johnny Cigar about it. Okay?’

‘I’m not sure how I’d to sell it to Diva, but okay. Yeah. Please do it, Lin. I want every choice I’ve got, if things go bad with her father’s friends.’

‘You got it, Naveen. Let’s find out what the girls are drinking.’

We talked together for a while, four friends bound in fear as much as in faith; in comradeship as much as companionship.

At the first break in laughing-talk, Karla and I said goodnight, gathered a batch of blankets, some water and a lunch box, and walked by torchlight to Silvano’s Point.

I set up a bower for us, using two blankets as lean-shelters, and padding the ground with the rest. We settled on hips and elbows. I opened the lunch box to show cold fried pakodas, pineapple, cashew and lentil cakes, a few handfuls of nuts, and Bengali custard in small clay pots.

She closed it again, and emptied her purse, throwing two hip flasks, a cigarette case and a gold cigarette lighter with a small watch set into it onto the blanket. The hands on the watch were set at twenty-three minutes past midnight.

‘The watch on your lighter has stopped,’ I said, reaching for it.

‘Don’t wind it,’ she said quickly. ‘I like it that way.’

‘Karla, I’ll be back in a week, and I’ve been -’

‘Let me go first,’ she said.

‘Okay.’

‘I’m putting some money into a business venture with Didier and Naveen. They’re going to expand the detective business, and I think they’re on to something.’

‘Okay, but I was actually thinking of a black market money franchise. I’ve got the contacts, and I can buy their cash, if not their loyalty. I can make a good living for us.’

‘I’ve got money.’

‘And you should keep it.’

‘We don’t know how long we’ll be here in Bombay,’ she said, taking a sip from a flask and passing it to me. ‘Let’s enjoy this ride as much as we can, and as safely as we can.’

‘The detective business isn’t on the top ten list of safe occupations. I’m pretty sure it’s not on the top hundred.’

‘It’s still way above crime and punishment, Shantaram.’

Crime, and punishment. How many times had I heard or thought that phrase, that echo of Fate’s laugh, in the last few days? How many times does it take?

‘I don’t see a place for me in that set-up, Karla.’

‘You’re a silent partner,’ she said. ‘Like me.’

‘I am?’

‘The silenter the better.’

‘Silenter?’

‘You talk to people that Didier and Naveen can’t reach. If we have to talk to those guys, who’s gonna do that but you, or me? Why not you and me together?’

‘Karla,’ I smiled, wanting to take her clothes off, and my clothes off, and stop talking. ‘I can’t move from committing crimes to solving them. My skill-set is on the villain side.’

‘We’re specialising,’ Karla said, taking another sip from the flask, ‘in missing persons.’

‘Karla,’ I laughed. ‘You and me, we are missing persons.’

She laughed again.

‘Cases that the cops have given up on,’ she said.

‘If the cops gave up, there’s probably a good reason.’

She selected a joint from the brass case, and lit it.

‘Not necessarily. Sometimes they just want the case to go away, and a case that could get solved goes unsolved. And sometimes they’re paid to look the other way. Runaway husbands, missing brides, prodigal sons, we’re the office of last resort, for lost loves.’

‘I don’t see any money in it, Karla. I’d be living on your dollar, it seems to me.’

‘There probably won’t be any dollars. Not yet. It’ll cost more than it makes. But private security and private detection will boom, in this country. It’s a good bet. And fortunately, I’ve got enough chips to play the game, for a while. If it bugs you, keep a tab, and pay me back when the business takes off.’

‘Speaking of missing persons, any word of Ranjit?’

‘Not yet. There was a rumour he was seen on a yacht, in the Maldives. I’m trying to check it out. For the time being, his proxy vote makes me a serious player. Good thing he was a lousy boss, and I wasn’t. His entire news service is helping me track him down. Ironic, ain’t it?’

‘Are you still at the Taj?’

‘Yeah. It’s okay, for now. They’ve got good security downstairs, and I’ve got better security upstairs.’

‘Have you seen Didier?’

‘He’s been hanging with me. He’s pretty spooked about the acid throwers. You know how vain he is.’

‘He doesn’t call it vanity. He calls it good taste, and I think we both agree.’

‘One way or another,’ she said, ‘I’m gonna remove that woman from my harm’s way.’

She shoved all the things aside and lay back on the blankets, one hand behind her head.

‘So, Shantaram, now that you know my plans, are you in?’

Fate leads you to what you desire, and Time makes sure that it’s the wrong moment. Was I with her, in her lost love detective agency plan? No. I couldn’t work with the cops, and I couldn’t turn anyone in to the cops, which made me a lousy detective.

She knew it. She saw it in my eyes, and in my breathing: the heavy breath of worry that we weren’t on the same path away from the mountain.

‘Stop thinking,’ she said. ‘Tomorrow is just like you. It’s never on time.’

The wind in moonlight, painting leaf-shadow lace on her skin. Love in all the past lives, every time we’d loved each other and lost each other: starlight on her sleeping face. There was no star in my sky that night: no light to guide me on that sea of what we were, and what we weren’t. But I didn’t care. She was asleep, in my arms, and I was already sailing home.