The Oath

5

The fever raged within me for five days and five nights, then left me. It was then that I met my grandmother Amphithea because it was she who stitched my wound, not grandfather, and who nursed me. She spread an ointment on the flesh scorched by Autolykos’ blade that greatly eased the pain and calmed the itching of the scab that was forming. When she felt I had begun to heal she allowed me to get out of bed so I could try to take a few steps. I was careful not to betray my fear: the gash had been very deep, all the way to the bone. I knew that many, under similar circumstances, had remained crippled their whole lives. I tried to take heart by telling myself that even though I hadn’t been wounded in battle I could say I’d had a close encounter with a wild animal, so at least it had been an honourable fight.

I touched the ground first with one foot and then with the other and. . I was standing. A servant handed me a cane but I refused to take it. I took one step and then another: my muscles and tendons didn’t seem to be severely damaged. My gait was halting and quite stiff, painful but normal. My spirit filled with joy. This wouldn’t prevent me from doing battle, from running, from competing, on land or sea. In my heart of hearts I thanked Athena, who had appeared to me that first night in the form she most often takes when she wants to hide from mortal gaze. And I thanked my grandmother, who had cured me.

My grandfather came to see me as well and since I’d had plenty of time to ponder what had happened I told him what I thought: ‘The attack didn’t happen by chance. I was expecting the boars to come from the north and that animal charged at me from the east. You were the one who told me to take position at that spot, without any cover. You had them drive that animal at me knowing that I would be blinded by the sun. Was it the beaters who did it, or did you drive him at me yourself? Is that why you invited me to hunt with you when I was still an infant? So you could watch me die? At least now I know why no one wanted you around when they were hunting the boar of Calydon.’

‘I told you that first night that you would soon understand why I hadn’t been invited on that hunt despite the fact that I was the best hunter, and that should have put you on your guard. It was meant as a warning. It was I who saved your life, actually, no one else. You are a wise and courageous boy: two virtues that are rarely found in the same person. Many courageous men are stupid; many a shrewd, clever man is a coward. What happened was my will. You’ve learned that you can trust no one in this world and you’ll never forget that as long as you live. That’s why I called you here. In Ithaca you would never have learned what you now know. Now your flesh bears the indelible mark of your credulity. That scar will be a reminder forever.’

‘I could have died.’

‘But that didn’t happen. I’ve been observing you since the first moment we met: how you take in your surroundings, how you listen to the men, the animals and the world around you. I haven’t missed a single one of your words.’

‘What if it had happened? If I had lost my life?’

‘We are all mortal beings, but no one can say whether living a longer life is a boon or a curse. For me it has been a curse and I have met many men who are sorry they were ever born. I have a terrible reputation because I don’t hide who I am. Others, many who are much worse than I am, manage to hide their true natures. I’m exactly who you see I am. And I came to your father’s palace when you were born because I had waited so long for you.’

‘You came to give me this dreadful name.’

‘No, a sincere name. I wanted you to remember what the world is like, what human beings are like. Hatred is by far the most common emotion felt by mankind.’

‘And why were you so eager for me to be born?’

‘Because I don’t like any of my own sons and I was hoping that the new heir would be different.’

‘Well then?’

‘What I desired has come to be. You don’t know what happened that day during the boar hunt: I saw everything. I had my bow aimed at that big male, ready to take him down but I didn’t need to do that. Your instinct was faster than the beast’s, your spear struck a vital spot with precision. And your bow did not fail either. The arrow that felled the female penetrated her right shoulder, very close to her heart. All that was missing was a bit of strength, but that will come as you finish growing. Your body fitted perfectly into a hollow of the soil so you wouldn’t be crushed by the weight of the boar. You are perfect, Odysseus, the son I would have desired.’

I couldn’t answer or say another word. My grandfather lived in his own reality of hate-fuelled folly. He was violent, arrogant, maybe even cruel, but not evil. I learned in the days that I spent with him that a truly wicked person is a coward who doesn’t have the courage to look his victims in the face, who prefers to charge others with the loathsome task of inflicting suffering. In his own way Autolykos wanted to make me understand that he loved me and that he wanted to protect me from a world he despised, to provide me with the weapons to defend myself even when he was no longer alive. The old wolf certainly had a secret he was bent on carrying to his tomb, but I was in no hurry to find out what it was.

The day before I left he pulled me aside and asked me: ‘Your mother. Didn’t she leave you a message for me?’

‘Yes. I was going to give it to you tomorrow morning before my departure.’

‘You have to give it to me now. I won’t come to the port. I won’t like seeing you go.’

I took the minuscule terracotta amphora from my bag and gave it to him. He crushed it in his hands. Inside was a thin bronze leaf with a carved inscription. As he was looking at it, I told him: ‘The way you should start is with the star.’

The symbols must have represented some secret language because I understood nothing of what I could see, and what I’d just said was the phrase that my mother had asked me to learn and repeat to him.

He looked at the little bronze leaf for a long time and then tucked it into his belt and looked straight into my eyes. ‘You’ll tell your mother the names of three animals, the ones that come to your mind. . No, say nothing to me,’ he added when he saw me opening my mouth. ‘I don’t want to know. Be careful, those three names could mark your destiny.’

When it was evening the three of us ate a meal together: Amphithea, Autolykos and me. The uncles were off on some venture. I thanked my grandparents for their hospitality, for their care and for everything they had taught me. My grandmother kissed me on the head and eyes and took my face in her hands for a long time, then retired to her rooms. Grandfather stayed with me a little longer. He said: ‘I don’t know whether we will ever see each other again. A man like me lives in constant danger and when my strength starts to wane someone will be eager to take advantage. But to ward off this eventuality, let’s say I invite you to return for another round of hunting when you’ve entered your twenty-first year. That way I’ll have to stay alive to welcome you back. Don’t let me down.’

‘I’ll come, because this time I’ll know what’s waiting for me.’

‘You knew then too. I’m certain of it. And. . I wanted to give you a female tonight but I can see you’re not too expert about such things yet and you might have left me a bastard to bring up, something I have no time for.’

We said goodbye.

‘Farewell, pappo.’

‘Farewell, pax.’

The next morning I saw only my grandmother, Queen Amphithea, and together we ate the breakfast prepared by one of her handmaids. Then, when the sun came up, a man arrived to take me to the port. Grandmother hugged me tight with tears in her eyes: ‘Will you come back to see us, my child?’

‘I will, grandmother, if the gods allow it. I’ve been invited.’

‘Say hello to your mother and father for me. Tell them they are always in my heart.’

We separated and I followed my guide to the harbour, where the ship that would take me back to Ithaca was waiting for us. Only one month had passed.

I had my own standard hoisted at the prow and when I arrived at the port of Ithaca, the scene was identical to when I had left: my parents had come to receive me with an escort, along with the island dignitaries, Damastes my trainer, Mentor my educator and Euriclea my nurse, who cried and dried her eyes with a handkerchief, repeating, ‘My child, my child’, just like grandmother had.

Another bull was butchered at the palace to celebrate my return. My father’s friends were invited, and some of my childhood friends as well: Antiphus, Eurylochus, Euribates and Sinon. They were good lads, swift runners and skilled with weapons. This time it was I who had a story to tell and I proudly showed off the scar above my knee. ‘He was truly enormous, with a black hide and tusks as long as swords. He came at me from the east: I had the sun in my eyes and all I saw was this massive black shape descending on me like a boulder rolling down a mountainside. I had just enough time to hurl my spear, because I’d already felled the female with my bow, but he was too close. .’

Everyone listened raptly, even my father, who had won immortal glory for himself as one of the Argonauts. You could see he was proud of me. At that moment I thought that if grandfather hadn’t done what he had, I would never have had such an amazing, exciting tale to tell. Who knows, maybe our poet Phemius would even sing of my doings one day to entertain the guests during a banquet. I understood that grandfather had done the right thing; he’d made a man of me and he had taught me things I’d never forget. He himself, a wolf. .

We ate and drank until late that night. By the end of the evening, my friends seemed more dead than alive and they had to be taken home by their servants. I also asked my father permission to retire and I went to my bedroom, where I found my mother waiting at the threshold.

‘Did you give the message to my father?’

‘Yes, of course.’

‘And what did he reply?’

‘He said that when I saw you I would have to tell you the names of three animals and to be careful which ones I chose because those three words could mark my destiny.’

‘Well then?’

‘The animals are the bull, the boar and the ram.’

‘Are you certain?’

‘Absolutely certain. The bull was the first animal sacrificed to celebrate my arrival, the boar wounded me and I will forever bear the signs of that encounter. The ram was the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes again, after the attack. He was an albino that grandfather said he’d stolen, a gigantic animal with huge curving horns and red eyes. I don’t know why but he looked like a demon to me. He wasn’t moving at all and he looked more like an idol than a living animal. He just stared at me with those empty eyes.’

‘My son,’ replied my mother, ‘it is written that these words will have a special meaning for you one day. They may even be the key to your life, and to your death.’

I’ve never forgotten the way she was waiting there and what she said to me, because no mother, I believe, could speak like that to her son without giving him a chill, making him feel the weight of the unknown. She seemed to realize that and feel sorry for me; she smiled a little, gave me a kiss and told me to sleep well.

I collapsed exhausted onto the mattress and slept a long time. Then something woke me up and my hand crept to my dagger: I could feel a presence in my room. I made sure I wasn’t dreaming and then I smelled. . my father. I didn’t move but I wondered how long he’d been there, sitting in the dark, watching me sleep.

He must have sensed that I was awake because he got up to go to the door, silent as a ghost.

‘Atta.’

He turned.

‘Atta, do you know what happened in grandfather’s house?’

‘Something so important that you’ve waited until now to tell me about it, in the middle of the night, in the dark?’

‘I saw the goddess Athena.’

‘Sleep, my son,’ he answered.