The Other Side of Love

Chapter 9

“You have to tell him,” Lucky’s tears dried up on the car ride over to the Johnsons’. “You can’t keep this inside. It’s not healthy for you and it’s not good for Zane, either. He needs to know the truth.”

“I don’t want to break his heart.” I shook my head. “You have to keep this a secret.”

“Noah.” She sighed. “I don’t know if I can keep this from him.”

“Let me do this in my own way.” I looked at her, with my eyes begging her for a reprieve. “Please.”

“He’s going to be at the Johnsons’.” She took a deep breath. “We have a surprise for you. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, no.” I looked at her in fear. “What did you do?”

“I’m sorry, Noah, but Zane went and picked Robin up. She will most probably be inside with the Johnsons as well.”

“What?” I shouted. “Why would you do that?”

“You’ve been so lonely this last week. I know you guys had an attraction and I convinced Zane that it was in your best interest to bring her over this afternoon. I’m sorry.”

“Fuck, I can’t believe you did that.” I clenched my fists. “I don’t need you interfering with my love life, Lucky.”

“I’m sorry.” She looked at me with huge eyes. “I made a mistake. I thought it would help. I didn’t realize, well, you know. I didn’t realize that you had so much going on.”

“I have nothing to say to Robin, Lucky. If I wanted to talk to her, I would have called her and asked her out on a date.”

“I don’t believe you.” She shook her head. “You’re scared, Noah. I don’t know what that girl did to you in Palm Bonita, but you don’t owe her anything. She missed out. You’re a good guy and you deserve better.”

“I don’t miss the girl I dated.” I sighed. “You have it all wrong. It’s a lot more complicated than you think.”

“Well, maybe if you didn’t keep everything to yourself I’d know why you’re still so hung up on Skylar, who frankly sounds like a bit of a bitch.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about, Lucky.” I shook my head and got out of the car. “You have absolutely no idea.”

“I’m sorry, Noah. I’m just trying to help.”

“You don’t understand, Lucky. You can’t help me. I’m not Zane, you can’t save me.” I shook my head and then lowered my voice as I saw the hurt expression on her face. “Look, I know you’re trying to help. But this is not something you can fix.” I grabbed her hand. “Maybe in another life, in another world.” I shrugged as I stared into her face. “Like I said before, Zane won the jackpot when he found you, Lucky. If he hadn’t found you first, I would have done my darndest to get you for myself.” I laughed at the shocked look on her face. “Don’t worry, I’m not trying to steal you away. I just want you to know that I appreciate you more than you know. But you can’t fix this, Lucky, and you can’t fix me.”

“I understand.” She squeezed my hand. “But there’s a girl in there who could be a part of that process. And I don’t want you to miss out on that because of your demons.”

“You’re not going to give up are you?” I shook my head exasperated.

“No, I’m not. Not with that and not about anything else. Tell Zane the truth, please, Noah.” She whispered up to me. “It won’t break him. I promise you. He deserves to know. He’s hurting more now then you’ll ever know.”

“You don’t know everything, Lucky.” I looked at her with a strained expression. “There’s more to the story.”

“Tell him, Noah.” She said firmly. “It’s not up to you to protect him.”

“He’s my brother. That’s my job.” I argued.

“No, Noah. Your job is to love him and to be honest with him. Always. No matter how hard or difficult it is. You need to be honest with him. You can’t shield him from the truth.” She took a deep breath. “Because the truth always has a habit of getting out. And you don’t want him to find out from someone else, do you?”

I shook my head and I realized that she was correct. There was no way that I was going to be able to keep this a secret from Zane forever. He would find out eventually, and if he found out from someone else, he would resent me forever. I knew Lucky was right. I had to tell him. Even if that meant breaking him down again. I hated to do it, but I knew that our relationship would never be without a strain if I didn’t come clean.

“Hey, you two.” Sidney opened the door and waved us in. “I wasn’t sure if you were going to make it in.”

“I was just talking to Noah. Sorry, Sidney.” She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “How are you?”

“Good. Your lovely fiancée and his friend are inside.” Sidney grinned and closed the door behind us. “Though, I think she may be more of Noah’s friend, yes?”

“You’re so astute, Sidney.” Lucky smiled at him and they walked arm-in-arm. I took a deep breath to steady the nerves that had suddenly hit me. I suddenly had nerves in my stomach and I realized that I was excited to see Robin.

“Hey, Noah.” Betty rushed over to me and gave me a hug. “I just can’t get over seeing you.”

“I missed you as well, Betty.”

“Boy, do you know how many tears I shed for you?” She shook her head and shuddered. “But all’s well that ends well.”

“Yes.” I smiled at her warmly and gave her cheek a big kiss. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck rise as I heard footsteps walk into the room. I turned around slowly and saw Robin standing there, looking at me shyly. “Hi.”

“Hi,” she responded back and gave me a quick smile.

“It’s good to see you.”

“You, too.” Her eyes searched mine, and before I knew what I was doing I had stepped towards her, brought her into my arms, and given her a kiss on the lips. “Why, hello to you, too,” she laughed, flushing a little.

“I hope that was okay.”

“It was more than okay.” She giggled and touched her lips quickly. “You taste like chocolate.”

“Good taste buds.” I smiled. “I had a hot chocolate before I got here. Lucky gave me one before we left the house to calm down my nerves.”

“That doesn’t sound too good.” She looked at me curiously.

“It’s not that good.” I sighed. “But I’m better now. How did your audition go?” I changed the subject and she shook her head and made a face.

“Let’s just say I’m not interested in dying my hair purple and getting 48DDD implants for a role.”

“You’re not?” I laughed, and turned around when I realized that everyone in the room was staring at us.

“Hey, bro.” Zane winked at me. “Maybe you can save the chat-up lines for tonight.”

“I’m not …” I glared at him. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“I came to see what’s going on with the documentary.” He shrugged. “Plus, I had a special delivery to make. You can thank me later.”

“Thanks, Santa Claus.” I rolled my eyes and then turned to Robin quickly. “Not that I’m saying you’re my present or anything. Trust me, I am not objectifying you.”

“Uh, thanks, I guess.” She laughed and made a face. “I know you most probably think I’m crazy and quick to ignite, but I’m really not like fireworks. You don’t have to be that careful around me.”

“I think I’d rather be more careful than not right now.” I smiled.

“Fair enough.”

“So would anyone like tea and cookies?” Betty picked up her teapot. “I just boiled some water, so it should still be hot.”

“Betty, get the kids some Cokes. Not everyone wants tea.” Sidney responded to her, and she glared at him.

“I’ll have some tea, thanks Betty.”

“Of course you would, Noah.” Sidney smiled at me. “Let’s all go sit down. I’ve got old bones, you know.”

“You’ve got old everything, Sidney Johnson.” Betty handed me a plate of cookies. “Let the children relax for a moment before you have them working.”

“It’s okay.” I grinned at her. “I’m pretty excited to talk about what I’ve been working on.” I followed Sidney to the couch and sat down. He leaned over to me and gave me a stern look. “You told your brother the truth yet?”

“No.” I shook my head. “Soon.”

“I still got them papers.” He sat back. “You let me know when you want them.”

“I’ll let you know,” I nodded.

“So who’s the girl?” Sidney continued and nodded towards Robin, who was standing next to Lucky and laughing at something. “She’s real pretty.”

“She’s just a friend.”

“Seems like more than a friend to me.” He looked down at his wedding ring. “I mean, I’ve only been married for a few hundred years. I don’t know much about love and them things.”

“Sidney.” I admonished him. “I don’t love her.” I hissed quietly to make sure no one else could hear us. “I barely know her. We barely went on one quasi-date.”

“She gets to you though.” He looked at me thoughtfully. “You get to her as well.”

“She’s fragile.” I sighed.

“Yes. I’m glad you see it. She has a hard exterior. But it’s a shell that’s easily broken. She’s got a story, that one. Be careful not to break her heart.”

“I would never do that,” I retorted, angry that he thought I was capable of such a thing.

“You need to finish your business off in Palm Bonita before you start dating anyone new.” He stared into my eyes seriously. “That’s some serious business you’re involved in, Noah. You got to be careful.”

“I am being careful.” I sighed. “Did you speak to your son?”

“Yes.” He nodded. “He’s a family attorney in Illinois, though. He said he’s not that familiar with the family court system in Florida.”

“But did he have any advice?” I looked at him bleakly. I had called Sidney earlier in the week and filled him in on the situation with Skylar because I had needed to talk to someone about it. I felt guilty for not telling Zane, but I just wasn’t ready to tell him about everything without going into what had happened with Mom.

“He said that you should just give it up. You’re never going to get her. She’s never going to be yours.” Sidney looked at me bleakly. “He said that it’s admirable how much you love her, but you can’t change the facts.”

“So he thinks I should just give up?” I was angry. “She was counting on me.”

“You aren’t God, Noah. You can’t make miracles happen.”

“I can try.”

“And that’s why I love you, son.” He nodded approvingly. “You don’t give up, no matter how difficult the odds. The world needs more men like you.”

“I haven’t done anything yet.”

“You have a pure heart.” He patted my back. “That’s enough.”

“I’m going to tell Zane.” I blurted out, changing the subject. “I think I’m going to tell him. He has a right to know.”

“That’s what I’ve been telling you.”

“He’s going to be devastated.” I closed my eyes.

“He’s still got a wonderful family.” Sidney’s eyes blazed. “We’re all still one big family.”

“I know.” I smiled at him gratefully. “You’re the granddad we never had.”

“Do you want me to be there when you tell him?”

“No.” I shook my head. “I need to do this alone.”

“Take him into my study.” Sidney nodded as if thinking. “The file you gave me is in my desk, second drawer from the right.”

“I don’t know if I should show him.” I paused. “I was just going to tell him about Mom.”

“Tell him everything, Noah. Don’t keep it in anymore.”

“Okay.” I jumped up and hurried over to Zane. “Hey, bro. Do you think we can talk for a moment?”

“Uh, sure?” He looked at me quizzically and I glanced at Lucky, who nodded at me with a quick smile.

“Sidney said we can go in his study.”

“Okay, then.” He put down his cup and saucer and followed me to the study. I closed the door behind him and we both took a seat. “What’s this about, then? You’re not upset because I brought Robin, are you? I told Lucky I didn’t think it was a good idea.”

“No, I’m not upset.” I smiled at him gently. “I’m glad you brought her. She’s a nice girl, and maybe we can start over again. From the beginning.”

“I didn’t know that you needed to start over.” He gave me a look. “Or are you being overly dramatic?”

“I want to talk to you about Mom.” I cut him off, no longer interested in small talk.

“Oh,” his face turned serious as he realized the gravity of our conversation.

“Before I went to Palm Bonita, I hired a private detective. I wanted help trying to find out what happened with Mom.”

“You never could give it up.” He laughed, but the lightness didn’t reach his eyes. His shoulders looked tense and I could see the strain in his face.

“Yeah. I couldn’t.” I sighed. “I always was a glutton for punishment.”

“So, you hired a detective?”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “I gave him all the information I had, which wasn’t much, but he was able to find some leads. You see, she was in the system.”

“She was a criminal?” Zane looked shocked.

“No, she was in the immigration system. She applied for a visa when she moved to the States.”

“She wasn’t American?” Zane sat back in confusion.

“No. She was, or rather is, from France. She moved to the States to be an au pair. She was interested in being an actress as well, so that’s why she chose California. She thought she’d meet some hot actor or director and get into movies.”

“Oh.” He frowned. “How do you know this?”

“Sorry, I’m skipping ahead. So I hired the detective, and he found her in a couple of databases. He saw the visa application and some sealed mental records.”

“Mental records?”

“I mean patient records from a mental institute.”

“She was in a mental institute?” Zane’s eyes were wide. “Oh, God, don’t tell me we inherited some crazy gene from her. That’s all I need.”

“No.” I shook my head. “I think she suffered from depression, maybe bipolar as well. I don’t really know.”

“So she left us because she was depressed?”

“No.” I shook my head. “She had postpartum depression and she was scared she was going to harm us. I think she was close to a nervous breakdown. And, well, it didn’t help that she was with Dad.”

“I suppose not.” Zane ran his fingers through his hair. “I always wondered if she was depressed or something. I guess I never realized that would make someone leave her two sons. So the detective told you all this?”

“No, he gave me the contact information to a man she had listed on her visa application in France. Turns out that she had listed her father on the application and he still lived at that address.”

“How do you know?” He frowned at me. “Oh, is that when you went back to France?”

“Yes.” I nodded. “I tried to talk to you about it all, but you just weren’t interested and I didn’t want to force the conversation until I knew exactly what had happened. I was so excited, you know. I thought I was going to be able to arrange this happy family reunion.”

“That didn’t exactly work out.” Zane gave me a wry smile.

“Yeah, it didn’t.” I sighed. “But everything went crazy all at once. I went to Mexico on that weekend trip with Angelique and Braydon, and I called the FBI, and then I went on another trip to France and I met her and my brain was inundated with too much information. I was mad, and sad, and angry and scared and I didn’t know if I was coming or going.”

“So you just disappeared without saying anything.” Zane looked at me with an angry expression. “I never thought you were one to just run away.”

“I thought I was protecting you.” I sighed. “I don’t know why—”

“Why did she pretend she didn’t know me?” Zane cut me off. “And why does she still call you? It doesn’t make sense to me.”

“She’s not your mom.” I spurted it out and waited for him to explode.

“What are you talking about?” Zane frowned. “Of course she’s my mom. If she’s your mom, she’s my mom. We’re brothers, duh.”

“She’s not your biological mom, Zane.” I stared into his eyes and he stared back at me with a wild expression. “She was your au pair when you were a baby. She slept with Dad, and they started a relationship. As much as he could be in a relationship. And then she got pregnant with me and she thought she’d made it. But he still treated her like the au pair.”

“Who’s my mom, then?” Zane looked like a zombie as he spoke slowly. “Where’s my mom?”

I took a deep breath before I continued. This was the part I was dreading the most. “She’s dead, Zane. She died from complications during childbirth.”

“You mean my childbirth?” Zane looked dazed. “She died because she had me?” He sat back and closed his eyes, his fists clenched and I could see his chest heaving up and down.

“It wasn’t your fault, Zane. I saw the records. She had a pre-existing condition that the doctors missed. She would have died whether she had had you or not.”

“I killed my mother. And you’re not my brother.” He started laughing hysterically. “Any other surprises for me? Am I really from Pluto? Are you going to tell me that Lucky is a figment of my imagination as well?”

“Zane.” I said his name loudly and with authority. “Please. I didn’t want to tell you because I was scared you would lose it. But you can’t lose it, Zane. None of this is your fault.”

“How could you not tell me, Noah?” He jumped up from his chair. “How could you keep this from me?”

“I was scared.” I jumped up as well. “I didn’t want you to be hurt. I didn’t want you to take it the wrong way.”

“Take what the wrong way? I mean, why would I take it the wrong way? I’m not who I thought I am. My whole life has been a lie.” He paced back and forth. “I don’t even know who I am.”

“You know you’re still my big brother.” I said slowly. “You know you’re still the guy that went out of his way to find out what happened to me, and you dated a billion girls to seek revenge for my murder. You’re still the guy that promised me that you’d be by my side every day of my life. Remember that day when we pretended to camp in the backyard and you told me that as long as we both lived, I’d always have you?”

“I think I remember saying something about us being the same because we had the exact same blood running through our veins as well. And that was a lie.” He turned away from me. “I don’t even know who half of my bloodline belongs to. I don’t even know who I really am.”

“Blood didn’t make us a family, Zane. We made us a family. Our love and undying affection and care for each other make us a family. The fact that we would do anything for each other makes us a family. You’re still my brother, Zane. My full brother. I don’t care if we only share half a bloodline.” My voice rose as I talked to him, and he turned to look at me with tears in his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” He nodded. “I didn’t mean to imply anything else.”

“I have something for you.” I walked over to Sidney’s file cabinet and opened the second drawer and pulled out a folder and handed it to Zane. “This is for you.” I watched as he opened it slowly with a weary expression. “It’s everything I could find out about your birth mom and her family.”

“Oh.” He sat back down again with the folder in his lap and held it in his hands gingerly.

“Your grandfather died in World War II. He was a war hero.” I started talking when I realized that Zane was too dazed to look at the file himself. “And your grandmother was a nurse. She never remarried. She brought your mom up by herself, even supported her through college. Your mom was a teacher.” He looked up at me, and I could see tears in his eyes as I spoke. “She taught kindergarteners. She loved them and they loved her. There are two class photos in the folder. You can see what she looked like. She was beautiful. She was older than Dad by eleven years.” Zane’s eyes widened in surprise and I laughed. “I know. I was shocked as well.”

“She was older than Dad?” Zane spoke finally and opened the folder. I watched as he went through the papers and photographs eagerly, holding them carefully and studying them intently. “She was beautiful.” He stared at one of the photos and smiled at me. “She looks like she was a loving woman. Like she would have made a good mother.”

“She was really excited to have you.” I continued on. “The detective found many people who worked with her. They all said she was so excited to have a baby of her own. She boasted to everyone that she was going to call him Zane because he was her strong little man. She used to tell everyone that when you kicked she thought you were going to break through her stomach.”

“That’s not what hurt her, is it?” Zane’s expression turned bleak again and I almost cursed myself out.

“No, that’s not why. She loved you so much, Zane. You were the child she had been waiting for her whole life.” I took a deep breath and continued. “She chose your life instead of her own.”

“What?” Zane looked confused.

“When she went into labor, the doctors told her they could try and save her or they could try and save you. And she didn’t hesitate. She chose you. She had a preexisting condition and knew she was going to die anyway. So she chose your life. She wanted you to live more than anything.” I took a deep breath. “And there’s supposed to be a letter.”

“A letter?”

“I don’t know where it is.” I gave him an apologetic look. “I don’t even know if it’s true, but the detective spoke to someone that worked at the hospital when she died. She was a receptionist or something. She said that your mom left you a letter.”

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this before, Noah?”

“Because I was scared of how you would react.” I answered honestly. “You were in a bad, bitter place, bro. I wasn’t sure that you’d be able to handle it all.”

“I understand.” He gave me a small smile. “I was in a bad place. But now that I have Lucky, I feel like nothing can phase me. I’m really hurt and upset, but I understand your reasons for keeping it secret, Noah.”

“I love you, Zane.”

“I love you too, bro.” He stood up and gave me a big bear hug before pulling back. “And now, if you’ll excuse me. I want to go and find Lucky and tell her everything.” He laughed as he shook his head. “I can’t believe that I’ve become that guy.”

I laughed as well and agreed with him. “I can’t believe it either.”