The Other Side of Love

Chapter 7

“Skylar,” I said again, but then I heard a click and there was dead silence on the other side. I immediately tried to call the number back again, but it just rang and rang without going to voicemail. “Damn it,” I cursed under my breath. My stomach was in knots and I wasn’t sure how I was going to continue on with the night. It was like life didn’t want me to move on just yet. Maybe it hadn’t been a good idea to invite Robin over for dinner. It had been an impetuous invitation and now I was regretting it. I tried calling the number again and nearly threw my phone across the room when she didn’t answer. I was worried. I knew that she wouldn’t call me unless it was important. Unless it was a set-up. I closed my eyes and leaned against the wall, not knowing what to do. Part of me thought I should just catch a plane to Orlando and then drive to Palm Bonita and do whatever I could to get to Skylar.

“Noah,” Zane walked out of the kitchen and stared at me with a look of worry on his face. “You okay? Who was that?”

“I’m fine.” I gave him a weak smile and started to walk away from him.

“Was it Mom?” His voice sounded angry, and I shook my head as I continued walking. “Was it Mom?” His voice was louder as he followed behind me.

“No.” I turned around and looked him in the eyes. “No, it wasn’t.”

“She has your number, though?”

“Yes.” I couldn’t lie to him, even though I wanted to.

“And she calls you?” His eyes looked bleak and I didn’t want to have this conversation now, but I was angry and annoyed.

“Yes, she calls me. But I’m not talking to her anymore.”

“Well, I’m glad you have that option.” He looked angry and confused. “You’re going to have to forgive me if I’m being a jackass here, but what the fuck is going on? I really don’t understand it. Our mother won’t say jack shit to me even when I fly halfway across the world to see her. Yet she’s calling you every fucking Friday and telling you how much she loves you?”

“That wasn’t her.” I shook my head. “And she doesn’t call me often. She hasn’t called me in a while. I haven’t seen or spoken to her in over a year.”

“Why not? You’re the brother who always wanted to find her. Why haven’t you set up a big family reunion already to show me that you were right all along and dear old Mummy was back?”

“Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it was best for us not to find her.” I stared into his eyes, willing him to see and understand where I was coming from. “She doesn’t know the meaning of right and wrong, Zane. She doesn’t know what true love is. We were better off without her. We still have each other.”

“Well, she clearly wants you and her new son. What am I? Pig fat?” He walked towards the front door. “I can’t do this right now. I’m going out.”

“Wait.” I touched his shoulder. “Don’t be like that.”

“Why not?” He glared at me and brushed my hand off of him. “You’re clearly not in a talking mood.”

“I’m sorry.” I took a big breath. “And I’m really confused right now. I could really use your support right now.”

“What’s wrong?” He froze and looked at me with a worried expression. “Are you sick, Noah?”

I shook my head, unable to speak, as he stared at me with extreme love and concern. My heart swelled for the man who was my brother and best friend. The man who looked out for me even when he was hurt inside. The man I knew would do anything for me; actually, had done everything for me. And I knew that I couldn’t take the easy way out. I knew that the easy way out might make it better for me, but it would break his heart and I couldn’t do that.

“Are you gay?” He continued. “Is that why you’re confused? You know I will love you no matter what, right? I told Lucky not to push you into getting a girlfriend. I’m so sorry, bro, I never meant for you to—”

“Zane, I’m not gay.” I laughed and shook my head in amusement. “Though, I do appreciate your support if I was.”

“I was about to say, my gaydar is totally off.” He laughed along with me, and for a few moments we had an easy camaraderie.

“I met someone in Palm Bonita. I told you that already.” I paused. “But it’s a lot more complicated than I told you about.”

“Oh, shit.” Zane’s eyes widened. “Did you get her pregnant?”

“No.” I rolled my eyes. “And to be fair, that’s a bit of a funny question coming from you.”

“Huh?” He looked at me blankly and then laughed. “Well, you know. I’m the older brother. It’s okay if I make mistakes.”

“I heard that, Zane.” Lucky’s voice called out from behind us. “It’s nice to know our babies are your mistake.”

“I didn’t mean that.” Zane made a face at me and then looked at Lucky with pleading eyes. “You know I love you and our babies.” He continued and Lucky groaned, and smiled at me.

“Uh huh.”

“That was just a foot-in-mouth moment.”

“You mean it was a that-shouldn’t-have-been-heard-by-the-fiancée moment!” She walked over to him and socked him in the shoulder. “You’re lucky that I’m not going to get mad at that comment.”

“You’re not?” He grinned at her happily.

“No,” She smiled at me. “But only because Noah is trying to tell you something and you haven’t given him the opportunity to get it out.”

“But you’re the one that keeps talking.” He frowned at her. “Not me.”

“You’re talking right now.”

“But you’re talking right now as well.”

“But you just continued talking, even though you know Noah is waiting.”

“So did you.” He stuck his tongue out at her and she leaned in to kiss him. “Don’t start something you can’t continue.” He whispered as his arms circled her and I groaned at them.

“You two need to get a room.” I shook my head and Lucky disentangled herself from Zane and walked over to me.

“Not right now, we don’t. You guys need to go and talk about whatever’s bothering you.” She pushed me towards Zane. “Go in the living room. I’ll get dinner ready.”

“But what about the salad?”

“You’ll make it next time.” She smiled at me gently. “And trust me, I’ll hold you to that.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” She smiled again before walking back towards the kitchen and my heart filled with even more love for her. It was weird that I had only known her for a few weeks, because she already felt like my family.

“Wait.” I called out to her and she turned around with a surprised look.

“Yes?”

“I want you to come in the living room as well. I want to tell you both what I have to say.” I looked at them back and forth and felt waves of happiness and jealousy wash over me as I saw Lucky and Zane exchange a look of love and joy.

“Really? Are you sure? You don’t have to tell me.”

“You’re my family now, Lucky. I want you to know. Plus, I’m sure Zane would tell you anyways.”

“No, he would never break your confidence,” Lucky protested, but I held up my hand to stop her.

“I don’t mind if he does. Not with you. You’re the woman he loves, the mother of his unborn children, shoot, you’re the mother of my niece and nephew. I want him to tell you. You shouldn’t have secrets. Not with the one you love. Not with your life partner.”

“You sound like you’re talking from experience, bro,” Zane questioned me and I sighed as I walked to the living room with them and we all sat down. I took a deep breath before beginning. I held up my phone and started, “The phone call I got just now was from a girl named Skylar. She’s a girl that I met in Palm Bonita. She’s the girl I can’t stop thinking about. The girl who makes me wish I could move mountains.” I paused and gave them a rueful smile. “She’s the girl who made me realize that love and family isn’t based on bloodlines and that it isn’t always pretty. She’s also the girl who hates me with all her heart.” I looked at the floor then and took a deep breath. My heart was beating so quickly that I thought that I was going to have a heart attack. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and that the pain in my chest might end my life before I had a chance to do anything meaningful.

“What happened in Palm Bonita, Noah?” Zane’s expression was as soft as his tone and I wondered at how he was able to go from angry to caring in mere minutes.

“When I arrived in Palm Bonita, I met a girl. She was exciting and carefree and we got into a relationship pretty quickly.” I sighed. “It wasn’t something I had planned or wanted, but I was angry at the situation I was in, and I was missing you and my life. I needed something to take the time and pain away. She offered me solace, in and out of the bed. And I jumped at the chance to get away, mentally and physically, from everything that was going on.” I paused to make sure that I wasn’t going too fast. “But she wasn’t who I thought she was.”

“She wasn’t?” Lucky prodded after a long silence.

“No.” I shook my head.

“How so?” Lucky’s eyes were wide.

“For one, she was married.” I saw Lucky’s mouth drop open and Zane gave me an amused look. “She wasn’t living with the husband or anything. She was actually in Palm Bonita because she wanted to get away from him.”

“That’s not so bad, then.” Lucky gave me an encouraging look. “If you thought she was going to get divorced.”

“I didn’t even know she was married until the end.” I shrugged. “Though all the signs were there.”

“Is that why you broke up?” Lucky asked again and then bit her lip. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that …”

“You don’t have to be sorry for anything.” I gave her a reassuring smile. “But no, that’s not why we broke up. I realized she wasn’t the person I thought she was.”

“Because she lied to you about being married?”

“No. You would think that would be it, right?” I chortled to myself, not believing that I was actually talking about everything.

“So what was it?” Zane’s voice was impatient and I held back a laugh. Trust my brother to want to get to the meaty part of the story right away.

“There was this girl, another girl in town. Well, she and I became friendly. More than friendly, and I developed feelings for her.” I paused, not sure how to continue with the story. “Well, the girl I was dating didn’t like that. And she treated the new girl badly.” I knew that I was being vague, but for some reason I didn’t want to tell them everything about our relationship. It was too close to home and too painful.

“So you cheated on your girlfriend?” Lucky looked at me in disappointment.

“He can’t cheat if she’s married.” Zane gave her a look and I felt a surge of love toward him for sticking up for me.

“I didn’t cheat.” I said emphatically. “In fact, we continued dating. I thought I could convince her to treat the other girl better. But it backfired. And I found out that I had ruined everything.” I closed my eyes as I thought about the bleakness in Skylar’s eyes as she realized that I wasn’t going to be her savior. That no matter how much I wanted to be the one to save her from her life, I couldn’t. I think both of our hearts broke that day. And there was nothing either one of us could do to change the facts. It was harder for her to accept because she still had faith and believed in miracles. But I knew that there wasn’t going to be a miracle; there would be no parting of the Red Sea. I was no Moses.

“Are you okay, Noah?” Lucky’s voice sounded worried, and I opened my eyes slowly. I stared at the two of them on the couch, snuggled into each other’s arms, and I envied them. I envied how perfect their life was and how lucky they were to have found each other. How simple everything had been for them. It was what I thought my life was going to be like.

“I can still remember the day that I realized I loved Skylar.” I talked without making eye contact with either of them. “We’d gone to the park and she wanted to go to the swings, and of course she wanted me to actually swing as well. I’d laughed, of course, because there were a bunch of little kids and I felt like a creep taking over one of the swings, but the joy on her face dissipated any feelings of worry or concern. Of course, I only stayed on the swing for a few minutes since I still felt slightly self-conscious. A grown man swinging on a swing in the middle of the day is not cute.”

“It sounds pretty adorable to me.” Lucky grinned and I smiled back at her before I continued talking.

“So, I decided to push her, so that she could go higher and higher. And she started laughing in delight. And she let go of the handles and put her hands in the air and she squealed out that she felt like she was flying. And I laughed and told her that I wished that I could fly. And she looked back at me and said, ‘Every time I’m with you, I feel like I’m flying.’”

I stopped talking as my throat grew dry. I could still picture the open joy and honesty in her eyes as she grinned at me, a purely happy smile full of love and trust. “And I told her that every time I was with her, I felt like I could fly.” I stopped talking as emotions overtook me. “It was a perfect moment and I realized that love can hit you in the most unexpected ways.”

“If you still love Skylar, maybe you can try and date her still.” Lucky sounded hopeful.

“What?” I looked at her in confusion. “I don’t think you understand. Skylar is—”

“Don’t push him, Lucky.” Zane interrupted me. “He obviously wants to move on from what went down in Palm Bonita. I’m not trying to be rude, but it seems to me like that relationship was a rollercoaster ride and a bumpy one at that.”

“But true love only comes around once in a lifetime.” Lucky glared at him and shifted away from him in her seat.

“Says who?” Zane shook his head. “He’s obviously trying to move on. Maybe you should—”

“I’m still here, guys.” I cleared my throat, not wanting to talk about it anymore. I didn’t have the energy to explain to them that they had misunderstood what I was saying. “But, yeah, the point of telling you guys all that is to explain why I’m still a bit emotional about everything. Especially getting Skylar’s call.”

“Do you still want to have the dinner tonight? With Robin?” Lucky jumped up and walked over to me. “You can cancel and blame it on me if you want.”

“No.” I jumped up. “I still want her to come over. You guys are right. I need to move on. I need to refocus.”

“Yeah, please do. I want some answers sometime this year.” Zane stared at me as he walked over to Lucky and rubbed her shoulder. She glared at him and he gave her an apologetic smile; within a few seconds they were holding hands.

“Give it a rest, Zane.” Lucky sighed.

“I’m trying.” He sighed as well, and I looked over at them both with a rueful smile.

“You guys are lucky to have each other. Always remember that.”

“You hear that, Lucky?” Zane grinned at her and pulled her into his arms. “You’re lucky to have me.” He kissed her forehead as she rolled her eyes at him. “But really I’m the fortunate one. I’m the real winner. I found you, somehow tricked you into falling in love with me, and now you’re stuck with me forever.”

“Oh, boy.” She shuddered and laughed as he smacked her bottom.

“You’re my forever love and I’m never letting go of you.”

“Not even when I shower?” She grinned at him and wiggled her eyebrows and he slid his hand up her back.

“Especially not when you shower.” He grinned at her before leaning down to kiss her on the lips. I stood there watching them, still slightly shocked to see my previously cold and emotionless brother acting like some sort of Romeo.

“Sorry, Noah.” Lucky pulled away from Zane’s embrace with a flush. “Zane just gets carried away.”

“I guess I know how the babies happened.” I laughed and she blushed even redder.

“Noah!” Zane winked at me, as he faked a disapproving voice.

“Sorry.” I winked back at him and stretched. “I’m going to leave you two lovebirds alone and go upstairs.” I left the room and tried to ignore the empty pit of despair in my stomach. I brightened up at the thought of Robin joining us for dinner. A part of me was buzzing with excitement as I thought about getting to know her better. But then I thought of Skylar and her phone call and all excitement left me. Instead I was filled with guilt and concern and I wasn’t sure if those feelings would ever leave me.

“Dinner was wonderful. Thank you, Lucky.” Robin licked her lips, and we all laughed at her obvious enjoyment of the food. “I haven’t had a good meal in a long while.”

“Well, you know, us waitresses have to stick together.” Lucky laughed and stood up. “Now for dessert. Zane, help me with the dishes, please.”

“Huh?” He looked up at her and she gave him a look before he jumped up as well. “Oh, sure.” He looked over at me and made a face. “It seems like my daily chores have already started.”

“Zane Beaumont, helping me clear the table once doesn’t count as daily chores.” Lucky’s voice was amused and exasperated at the same time.

“Well, you already had me do a grocery run.”

“Zane, you went to get yourself some beer and I asked you to grab some ice cream. That is not a grocery run.”

“It sounds like she has you beat, Zane.” Robin laughed as she watched them banter and she turned to me, her eyes sparkling. “Is it like this every day?”

“Yup.” I grinned back at her. “I feel like I’m part man, part judge. Well, maybe not judge. More like mediator.”

“And here I thought you were the big bad wolf.” Robin leaned towards me flirtatiously.

“I can be if you want me to be.” I leaned towards her.

“Oh, shit, please tell me I do not sound like such an idiot.” Zane shuddered and Lucky pushed him towards the kitchen with an apologetic look.

“They’re really cute.” Robin smiled as they left the room.

“Yeah.” I agreed. “They’re perfect for each other.”

“It must be nice to live with such an obviously in love couple.” She tilted her head and stared into my eyes. “A real life example that true love can and does exist.”

“When it’s not annoying as hell.” I made a face. “Seriously though, I couldn’t be happier for my brother. He found a gem.”

“I can’t believe she was a waitress.”

“I guess there is something about the men in my family being attracted to the help.” I wiggled my eyebrows at her and then groaned as I realized what I had said. “Oh, my God, I so didn’t mean that as it came out.”

“It’s okay.” She laughed at my look of terror. “I’m not going to bite your head off. This time.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” I ran my hands through my hair and sat back. “I seem to have a knack of putting my foot in my mouth.”

“Well, you do have a very nice mouth.” She stared at my lips and I wanted to grab her and pull her towards me and kiss her hard. I had been captivated by Robin as soon as she had stepped through the door in her slinky black dress. She was terribly overdressed for dinner but she looked sexy as hell. It didn’t hurt that she also smelled divine. The way she ate was also titillating and I wondered if she was trying to seduce me. My loins felt heavy and hard and I groaned at how typically male I was. All I could think about was getting her into my bed. And the last time I had followed the needs of my body, I had been burned badly.

“I’ve heard that one before,” I mumbled, not thinking, and she laughed.

“Modest, aren’t you, Noah?”

“Dang it. I’m an idiot.” I jumped up and pulled her up with me. “Sorry, I’m distracted by your beauty. Let me make it up to you.”

“How would you like to make it up to me?” She raised an eyebrow. “And please don’t tell me in the bedroom or I will walk right out the door.”

“Well, there goes that plan.” I pulled her towards me and looked down into her eyes with a naughty look. My arms circled her waist and I brought her body into mine so that she could feel just how turned on I was. “But I suppose I’ll allow you to disappoint me.”

“Your body is hard.” She gulped as she stared up at her. Her hands were on my arms and I flexed my muscles for her. “I mean your arms are hard. Your muscles, you know. Nothing else. Is hard. You know what I mean.” Her face flushed and she stopped talking for a moment. “Shit, I think you’ve rubbed off on me.”

“Really?” I held back a laugh. “I’m hard and I’ve rubbed off on you?” I moved my head closer to hers and whispered against her lips. “Don’t you think that’s a bit much for a first date?”

Robin’s face was bright red, and she attempted to move away from me in embarrassment. I kept her firmly pressed against me and then leaned down and kissed her. As my lips touched her, I felt a jolt of electricity pass through us and her eyes widened in shock as I slipped my tongue roughly into her mouth and cupped her ass to bring her in even closer to me. I laughed as I felt her teeth nibble on my lower lip, and then I groaned as her fingers reached into the back of my shirt and she ran her fingernails up and down my back. Robin pressed her breasts against my chest and all I wanted to do was rip her shirt off and then throw her bra across the room before I sucked on her nipples. I felt feverish as we kissed and I felt suddenly bereft when she pulled away from me with a reluctant look.

“Sorry.” She looked away from me. “Like I said before, I’m not on the menu for tonight. If that disappoints you, I can just leave.” Her tone became slightly edgy and I felt the mood between us change.

“Hey,” I grabbed her chin and made her look at me. “You’re jumping to conclusions again.”

“Excuse me?” She glared at me and pulled away and I wondered how women were able to change their moods so quickly.

“You’re acting like you did in the restaurant. You’re judging me and my actions and basing your words on emotions that are running though you. Those emotions are not because of what I’ve said or done. I’ve given you no reason to think that all I want from you is sex.”

“I never said that is all you want.” She sputtered, her eyelashes blinking rapidly. “I never said that at all.”

“That’s what you thought and implied when you said you were just going to leave.” I grabbed a hold of her hands and drew her into me again. This time I didn’t bring her close enough to feel the hardness in my pants. “I’m not going to lie and say I’m not attracted to you. I’m not going to tell you that I don’t want to make love to you. I wouldn’t be a normal heterosexual man if I didn’t. But that’s not all that I want from you. And it wasn’t what I was implying. When I stood up from the table, I was going to ask you if you wanted to dance. And not a lap dance or a striptease. Just a regular dance with two normal people who are on a first date and getting to know each other.”

“You want to dance?” Robin made a face. “I did hear that correctly, right? You said you want to dance?”

“Yes.” I nodded and smiled. I pulled away from her, counted to three in my head and proceeded to waltz around the room by myself. Robin watched me with amazement in her eyes as I glided around the dining room, and I continued on with my movements, pretending to dip and twirl my invisible partner before finding my way back in front of her and dipping in a slow and low bow. As I straightened up, Robin’s eyes watched me mirthfully and she clapped enthusiastically, grinning at me as I pretended to preen at her adoration and praise.

“Encore, encore.” She laughed and I shook my head.

“Not unless I have a partner.”

“I’m not really a good ballroom dancer.” She made a face. “I’m more a getting low type of girl.”

“Getting low?”

“You know, to hip hop.” She laughed and did a dance move where she shook her hips as she moved down to the floor. I watched, mesmerized, as she moved her body rhythmically, and all I could think about was her moving that way on top of me. She stood up straight and looked at me quizzically as I just stood there staring at her, unspeaking.

I didn’t know what to say. I wanted her. I felt a connection with her that I’d never felt before but I had nothing to offer her. I was still in limbo; everything in my life was in flux. I wasn’t good enough for her. It wouldn’t be fair to her to try and start a relationship. It didn’t matter that my heart sung when she smiled at me with that happy but uncertain look in her eyes. It didn’t matter that I heard birds sing when she said my name. It didn’t matter that when I was with her I started to feel alive again.

“You do know what hip-hop is, right?” she asked uncertainly and I nodded, still unable to talk. I was transfixed by her beauty and the fragile air around her. Robin put on a good confident show, but I could tell that there was a lot more to her than the exterior she was showing me. Something told me that inside, she was made of glass and that she would shatter if I made one wrong move.

“Yes, yes. I know.” I finally spoke and took a step back. “I’ve jumped on it a few times.” I winked at her and she laughed as she got my little joke.

“Thanks for inviting me to dinner.” She looked away from me, and I knew she could sense the sudden awkwardness between us. I didn’t know what to say to her. Five minutes ago we were making out then we were arguing and then we were laughing and now we were in that awkward space that comes between two people who aren’t sure of what the other person is thinking.

“I’m so glad that you could make it.” I nodded, all thoughts of dancing gone from my mind. “Would you like to stay for dessert?”

“I should be going!” She shook her head and I saw a glimpse of an emotion close to fear in her eyes. “I have to practice my monologue for an audition,” she explained. “But it’s been really wonderful.”

“We should do it again.” I smiled at her, but our eyes didn’t connect. We had lost that special moment and now we were acting like two people who barely knew each other and didn’t want to get closer.

“Yes. Definitely. Please let Zane and Lucky know that I had a great time and thank them for the wonderful dinner.”

“Thank you for bringing the wine.” I nodded and walked with her to the front door. Part of me was prodding myself to say something, to not let the evening end like this. It had been a good night. We had a connection. I knew she had to feel it as well. I wondered what was holding her back. What was her story? I wanted to know everything about her. I wanted her to regain her trust in men. Let her know that she didn’t have to be on the defensive all the time. We weren’t all bad. I wanted to hold her close to me and let her warmth sink into me so that I no longer felt cold and lonely. Instead I opened the front door and gave her a big smile. “Good luck with the audition.”

“Thanks.” She nodded and fiddled with her car keys as she walked out the door.

“I’ll call you,” I lied as she smiled at me weakly and hurried away. I closed the door slowly and fell back, not sure what had happened to our easy rapport. It was as if both of us had sensed that we had chemistry but neither one of us was interested in moving forward with it. But it was more than that: it was as if both of us were interested but we were too scared to do anything about it.

“Hey, where’s Robin?” Lucky walked out from the dining area and looked around.

“She left.”

“She left?” Lucky frowned. “I just put the apple pie on the table. I even made homemade ice-cream with the Kitchen-Aid that Zane got me.”

“Sorry, she had to leave.” I walked towards her and took her arm in mine. “But I can eat her helping and mine if you want.”

“I don’t understand why she left.” Lucky looked at me with narrow eyes. “You guys were getting on so well. What happened?”

“I think we both realized that perhaps it’s best for us to not go down this road.”

“What road?” Lucky’s voice rose and she sounded annoyed. “This was barely a first date. No one’s asking you guys to get married. Get to know each other. Eat some pie.”

“It’s not that simple.” I rubbed my eyes, suddenly feeling very tired. “I think we both felt a connection and I think it scared us both. I’m not in any position to start a new relationship, Lucky. I don’t want to hurt her.”

“Why aren’t you in a position?” She sighed. “Do you want to get back with the girl you dated in Palm Bonita?”

“No.”

“Then what? You’re back here now, Noah. You’re not in Palm Bonita anymore. You have to move on with your life. You can’t live in the past. This is now. This is new. This is called moving forward. Nothing good happens if you stay stagnant.” She grabbed ahold of my shoulders and looked deeply into my eyes. “Trust me, you have to make a decision, Noah. You can let the past haunt you. You can keep all the secrets you want, but eventually it’s going to catch up with you. Eventually it’s going to be too much. Don’t let that happen. You need to live for you now. You need to live for the now. Stop holding in the hurt and pushing people away. One day you’re going to wake up and there’s going to be no one waiting anymore.”

She kissed me on the cheek and then walked away from me. I stood there contemplating her words. She was right. I needed to move on. But I knew I couldn’t move on without making everything right. I needed to try one more time to get Skylar. My conscience wouldn’t forgive me if I didn’t.