The Penelopiad: The Myth of Penelope and Odysseus

XIII. The Chorus Line: The Wily Sea Captain, A Sea Shanty

Performed by the Twelve Maids, in Sailor Costumes

Oh wily Odysseus he set out from Troy,

With his boat full of loot and his heart full of joy,

For he was Athene’s own shiny-eyed boy,

With his lies and his tricks and his thieving!

His first port of call was the sweet Lotus shore

Where we sailors did long to forget the foul war;

But we soon were hauled off on the black ships once more,

Although we were pining and grieving.

To the dread one-eyed Cyclops then next did ,

He wanted to eat us so we put out his ey

Our lad said, ‘I’m No One,’ but then bragged, ’twas I,

Odysseus, the prince of deceiving!’

So there’s a curse on his head from Poseic his foe,

That is dogging his heels as he sails to fro,

And a big bag of wind that will boisteroi blow

Odysseus, the saltiest seaman!

Here’s a health to our Captain, so gallant and free,

Whether stuck on a rock or asleep ‘neath a tree

Or rolled in the arms of some nymph of the Si

Which is where we would all like to be, man!

The vile Laestrygonians then we did meet,

Who dined on our men from their brains to their feet;

He was sorry he’d asked them for something to eat,

Odysseus, that epical he-man!

On the island of Circe we were turned into swine,

Till Odysseus bedded the goddess so fine,

Then he ate up her cakes and he drank up her wine,

For a year he became her blithe lodger!

So a health to our Captain where ever he may roam,

Tossed here and tossed there on the wide ocean’s foam,

And he’s in no hurry to ever get home

Odysseus, that crafty old codger!

To the Isle of the Dead then he next took his way,

Filled a trench up with blood, held the spirits at bay,

Till he learned what Teiresias, the seer, had to say,

Odysseus, the artfullest dodger!

The Sirens’ sweet singing then next he did brave,

They attempted to lure him to a feathery grave,

While tied to the mast he did rant and did rave,

But Odysseus alone learned their riddle!

The whirlpool Charybdis did not our lad catch,

Nor snake-headed Scylla, she could not him snatch,

Then he ran the fell rocks that would grind you to scratch,

For their clashing he gave not a piddle!

We men did a bad turn against his command,

When we ate the Sun’s cattle, they sure tasted grand,

In a storm we all perished, but our Captain reached land,

On the isle of the goddess Calypso.

After seven long years there of kissing and woo,

He escaped on a raft that was drove to and fro,

Till fair Nausicaa’s maids that the laundry did do,

Found him bare on the beach—he did drip so!

Then he told his adventures and laid to his store

A hundred disasters and sufferings galore,

For no one can tell what the Fates have in store,

Not Odysseus, that master disguiser!

So a health to our Captain, where ever he may be

Whether walking the earth or adrift on the sea

For he’s not down in Hades, unlike all of we

And we leave you not any the wiser!