The Sanctuary

11

THE FAINT SOUND of Peter’s crying in the next cell finally stilled, and the night passed without further incident. But Danny lay awake for several hours, rehearsing his own misstep, gathering resolve to recover himself, layering his mind with reason once again.

His mind soon filled with an image of Renee, and with it a terrible longing to hold her again. To be held by her. To hear her whisper in his ear. It’ll be okay, Danny, you’re a good man. It’s not your fault I turned out the way I am. You saved me, Danny, and I love you.

But he’d also shown her a brutal way, and for that he wept also.

The sound of a loud buzzer brought the prison to life at 6:00 a.m. sharp. The night’s events felt a world removed.

Slane had vanished from Peter’s cell by the time Danny stepped over to check on the boy, who was still under his sheet, sleeping. He slipped in and shook the boy by his shoulder.

“Wake up.”

Peter gasped and jerked back, terrified. Then he saw that it was Danny and twisted his head around to find Slane. Seeing that they were alone, he began to settle.

“Are you okay?”

A tear slipped down the boy’s cheek. Danny checked the sheets for any sign of blood and was grateful to find none. It was entirely possible that Slane had only intended to terrify the boy. Infuriate Danny.

He’d succeeded on both counts. But that was now past.

“Are you hurt?”

Peter curled into a ball. “No.” He began to cry.

“All right, but you need to be checked anyway.”

Godfrey stepped through the door. “Is he okay?”

“He appears to be. I think Slane only meant to scare him.”

Godfrey muttered something about a system gone off the deep end.

“You need to get up, Peter. You need to be strong and show them that they can never destroy your heart.”

Godfrey said something else under his breath. Peter refused to speak. It occurred to Danny that the boy might need some privacy to deal with his shame.

He squeezed Peter’s hand and faced Godfrey. “It’s okay, I have this.”

Godfrey eyed him, then the boy, then nodded and left, mumbling, “An eye for an eye will kill us all.”

“Why don’t you get up and see if you’re okay, Peter. I’ll be right next door, okay? Slane’s gone now. It’s safe, I promise.”

“I don’t want to go back down,” Peter whimpered.

“Down where? To breakfast?”

He shook his head.

“To the segregation ward? Meditation?”

His answer came in a cracked whisper. “To the other place.”

“What place?”

But the boy only huddled up in his sheets and Danny didn’t want to disturb him further.

“You’re not going to be punished, Peter.” He patted the boy’s hand. “I’m going to talk to the warden and I’ll make sure that you aren’t punished. Don’t worry, you’re safe now. Okay?”

Peter finally nodded.

He left the boy alone, knowing that his words were hollow, a false promise of hope when there was no hope in this bloody sanctuary for a boy like Peter. Danny would make his case—he’d rehearsed it when reason had returned to him—but in the end they were all victims of the warden’s whims. And the warden seemed to think his version of hell was the way to fix the world.

By 7:03, according to the large white clock on the wall, the second wave of diners had filled the cafeteria including Godfrey, Danny, and Peter, who had emerged from his cage to follow Danny like a shadow, hovering close, bumping into his heels twice on the way to the dining hall.

With the exception of Godfrey, Peter, Randell, and Slane, Danny hadn’t spoken a word to any of the other members yet, in part because of the gag order the warden had placed on them all, and in part because he’d spent most of his time in disciplinary segregation. But apparently the order had been lifted. The prisoner with the barbed-wire tattoo around his neck, Kearney, had spoken to him on the tier last night.

Danny sat in the cafeteria and scanned the members dressed in blue and tan. Who were they? What had brought them here? What were their stories?

Answer: they were humans, and deviance had brought them to Basal, and each of their stories was as fascinating or heartbreaking as anyone else’s.

As in any society, the humanity of those incarcerated rose above the culture of incarceration. What made one truly human, perhaps more than genetic code, was the human experience. As much as dignity, respect, and honor, a person’s story gave him a human identity.

Other than Godfrey and Peter, Danny knew little about other members’ unique identities. Basal members seemed more amenable to toeing the warden’s line rather than trying to draw their own.

He sat with Godfrey and Peter at a corner table in the cafeteria slouched over a plate of powdered eggs, two pieces of soggy toast, a lump of ground meat that approximated sausage, and a glass of orange juice. As he ate, Danny finally began to put flesh to the warden’s sanctuary.

The first to join them was the man with the barbed-wire neck tattoo, Kearney, a bright-eyed fellow in his upper twenties who seemed less interested in speaking than smiling. In fact, he said nothing at first, and Danny was content to let him eat in peace.

Kearney was soon joined by two others who sat quietly for about a minute before breaking the silence.

“You have a name, Priest?” the short pudgy one with gray hair and a round face said.

“Danny.”

“Just Danny?”

“Just Danny.”

The man nodded. “Okay then, Danny. Name’s John Wilkins.”

“Tracy Banner,” the man next to him said. Banner was older as well, maybe in his early fifties, but much taller, with dark hair and a thick scar on his right cheek. Probably a lifer like his friend.

“Yo, dat took some balls, doin’ what you done last night,” Kearney said. “You lost it, huh?” His accent wasn’t as much southern as hackneyed, part everything with some street thrown in.

Danny took a sip from his cup.

“You a real priest?”

“No.”

“You were?” the scarred Banner asked.

“I was.”

“I said yo last night,” Kearney said.

“You did. Appreciate it.”

“I went down for manslaughter. Got bump’t in the taillight at a stop by a Toyoter truck. Buddy ’n’ I went on a joy ride ’n’ chased it down. Never had even no ticket up till then.”

“Nineteen,” Godfrey said.

Kearney glanced at him. “Nine years ’go. Truck went clean off the road and hit a tree. Passenger was preg and lost ’er baby. Made me sick. Never did no drugs, no tickets, no nothin’ and then—bam—I’m in the big house. My bad. None else.”

But manslaughter wouldn’t bring a life sentence, and Kearney wasn’t a fish. “Why are you still here?”

“Got shanked by a southerner in Lancaster back when it was the way, you hear me? Said no baby-killer deserved to breathe. Next time I was goin’ down, so when he come at me ’gin I lost it. Got twenty for killin’ him.”

“Tough.” He wasn’t a lifer, but Danny understood why he’d made it into Basal. Kearney wasn’t a killer at heart.

He took a bite of eggs and nodded at the oldest of the three, Wilkins. “I’m guessing you’re a lifer?”

“Like most in here. Murder. A lifetime ago when I was young and stupid.”

“Same,” Tracy said. “Shot a man I caught with my wife.”

They ate in silence for a minute. Danny’s mind turned to his request to meet with the warden. He still had no idea if, how, or when it would happen. Even less if he could do Peter any good.

“Godfrey says you help’t someone see the light,” Kearney said. “That your ticket?”

“One way to look at it. The foolish idealism of an imperfect man.”

“Word to the wise, Priest,” the round-faced Wilkins said quietly. “You might think you can shed a little of your light in here, but don’t kid yourself. God knows half of us would like nothing better, but the only light in here is the warden’s light, you hear?”

Danny gave him a nod.

“You seem like a standup guy,” said Banner. “Most of us are old cons who know how to do smooth time. Basal’s not the place to do hard time, trust me. He’ll put your balls in a vise and make you wish you were dead. I don’t care what kind of wiseacre stories other cons’ll tell you about this prison or that segregation unit. Nothing comes close to Pape’s hell. Drink the Kool-Aid, keep your mouth shut, and smile along with the rest of us, you hear?”

“Believe me, I’m not looking for trouble.”

“What he’s saying,” Wilkins said, “is that neither’s anyone else, knuckleheads included. You haven’t seen what the warden’s capable of, and you don’t want to. Upset him and everyone pays. Consider the knuckleheads on his payroll ’n’ part of the program. Enforcers. Helps him keep his hands clean, but they only do what he allows them to do, if you catch my drift.”

“Like I said, no trouble.”

“Not to say what you did last night wasn’t a trip,” Kearney cut in. “A priest, huh?”

Danny shrugged. “It won’t happen again.”

“You think we didn’t want to flush that sick jocker’s head down the sewer where it belongs?” Wilkins said. He cast a sideways look at Peter, who sat hunched over, keeping his eyes elsewhere.

He lowered his voice. “Makes me want to puke, but you gotta remember where we are. This is hell. We don’t need anyone turning up the flames. Godfrey should have told you that.”

“I did,” Godfrey said. And then after a pause, “But everyone has their limits.”

“And everyone can just stretch their limits.”

“Easy,” Kearney said. “Some lowlife tried to hurt his daughter.”

Godfrey’s eyes shifted and held on Danny for a moment. “And that lowlife no longer walks the earth,” he finally said.

“Neither do you,” Wilkins said. “You walk in Basal.”

The room suddenly grew quiet. Next to Danny, Peter stiffened. One look at the boy’s pale face betrayed his terror. The surest cause would be Slane or Randell.

But when Danny followed Peter’s stare to the cafeteria’s entrance he saw that he was wrong. It was neither Slane nor Randell. It was the warden. Marshall Pape was gracing them with his presence.

The immaculately dressed custodian walked into the silent cafeteria, slowly scanning the long tables. His black suit was pressed and his white shirt was starched. He looked in no way evil or monstrous, only immaculate and sure of his place. A good marshal come to keep the peace in a town of misfits. There was no gun faster than his, no word so firm, no foot so sure.

His patent-leather shoes clacked on the concrete as he walked into the room. The captain, the first-watch lieutenant, and three correctional officers spread out along the walls adjacent their superior.

Pape nodded. “Gentlemen.” When his bright blue eyes reached Danny, he stopped and held his gaze. Somewhere, someone cleared his throat. For a long moment it was the only sound.

Danny understood immediately.

“I hear that there was an incident in the west wing last evening,” the man said. “A request was made for a conference with me.” He smiled and spread his hands. “Well, I’m a simple enough man. Here I am. So tell me, what would the priest like for me to clarify? Surely, if such an educated man of the cloth is confused, the entire flock must be courting similar confusion. Why not shed the light on the whole bunch at once?”

Danny kept his eyes on Pape, aware that the man had placed him in an impossible situation. What was said for all to hear wouldn’t bring any good unless it was accepted by both sides. The members were Danny’s potential enemies as much as the warden was. Perhaps more so.

The warden lowered his hands. “I’ll tell you what. Why don’t we play fair? Ask me any question you like. Voice any concern or doubt you have. I give you my full blessing. If I am unable to satisfactorily answer your concern, then I will acknowledge my oversight and grant either you or anyone of your choosing quarters in the privileged wing.”

Danny could hear Peter’s heavy breathing beside him.

“But if your concern proves to be misguided, then I will send Peter deep. After all, I believe it was the boy who started the ruckus last night. Fair enough?”

Deep? Someplace other than meditation. Peter’s comment earlier, that he didn’t want to go down there, returned to Danny.

He had no ambition to confront the warden in public. But he also knew that it would prove valuable for Peter to see someone standing up for him, regardless of the consequences.

“What do you say, Danny?” Pape asked, wearing a good-natured smile. “Be a good sport. Stand up and be heard. Please, I insist.”

Danny pushed himself back from the table, calmly stood, and faced the man. Only now, standing, did he see Randell at a table across the room with Slane and several other knuckleheads. Smirking.

“Speak up, Danny. Tell me what’s so confusing to you.”

He turned his eyes back to the warden and spoke with stoic resolve and calculation.

“It’s my understanding of deviant behavior that’s unclear,” Danny said.

“Oh? How so?”

He couldn’t implicate Slane directly without snitching and thereby violating the strict convict code. Rat on one, you’ll rat on us all, it was said.

“I wonder if morality is as important as deviance in Basal. By that I mean—”

“I know what you mean, Danny. I’m not a fool.”

In another place, another time, he would have recoiled at such condescension. Now he only took the man’s dismissal in stride.

The warden continued. “You’re wondering if I accept immoral behavior in my sanctuary as a means of punishing deviance. And the answer is, you’re missing the point entirely. But that’s understandable, you’re only a fish here.”

“Then perhaps you could explain your point to this fish.”

Easy, Danny. Don’t push the man.

The warden lowered his chin. “I intend to. The point is, I have no control over the morality of the members in our institution. The point is, morality cannot be legislated. It occurs primarily in the mind. Anger, jealousy, envy…all matters of the mind. As the good book says, every soul walking the earth is guilty. They are all evil. Surely you know that, Priest. Morality rests with the judgment of a higher authority.”

He clasped his hands in front of him and continued:

“Deviance, on the other hand, can be measured by man. That’s why we have the law. To monitor and control behavior, not morality. Does that clear things up for you?”

“And should a member of society be punished if he deviates from that law to protest or prevent a grave injustice?”

“Didn’t you hear me, Danny? No? Then I’ll repeat myself. It is for a higher authority to decide what injustice to punish, and at Basal I am he. If a man doesn’t want his eye plucked out, he shouldn’t pluck out someone else’s eye. If your boy didn’t want to be hurt, he shouldn’t have hurt whoever he hurt to land himself in this hellhole.”

“He hurt no one. He is innocent.”

“Again, please pay close attention so that I don’t have to keep repeating myself. No one is innocent. Everyone is guilty. Injustice is in the heart of every man. Truth be told, the whole world belongs in here, where justice is true. It’s quite simple, really: you do wrong and you pay the price. The members of this institution should consider themselves fortunate enough to be given the privilege of learning this here, before they face much worse, wouldn’t you agree?”

No. But already Danny saw the futility of this exercise. No good could come of it. His only hope now was to make his position clearer for the members, irrespective of the warden.

“I’ve found that grace and love, which come from the highest authority, are better teachers than punishment,” Danny said. “But I’m sure you know that all too well. I suppose it’s why you have the privileged wing. I only wonder what grace can be shown to the guilty who live among the commons.”

The warden stared at him for a moment, then faced the rest, smiling. “You see, this is why I brought a priest here. His fancy words, his big heart—you would think you’re in his sanctuary. Such comfort for the masses. But he’s as guilty as the rest. A murderer like so many of you. And as for grace…”

He faced Danny, mouth flat now. “Grace is a sham. It’s only another word for obedience. As the good book says, if you only believe and accept you will be saved. What they don’t tell you is that belief and following are the hardest work. There is no free ride. Even your faith teaches that you must do something to be saved. And that belief is pronounced dead if not accompanied by good works. So you see, grace is no grace at all. All that matters is reward for obedience and punishment for deviance. And that, dear murderer, is what my sanctuary is all about.”

A slight but crooked grin twisted the warden’s face. “You do believe in punishment, don’t you, Danny?”

“I’m trying to understand it. The God I love is love. How punishment works within the context of that love is a mystery known only to him. My part is to love, not judge or punish. Morality is love. As such I try to be a moral being, finding love and grace in my heart.”

“Oh? And here I thought you believed that the end result of your actions is what determined your morality. Isn’t that how you justified your numerous vigilante murders as a priest? Killing evil men to free the oppressed under their thumb? Ring any bells?”

Danny’s heart stalled. Numerous…

He was certain in that moment that the warden knew far more about his own unconfessed crimes than he had any business knowing. There was more to the man’s decision to bring him to Basal than Danny had first known.

And if Pape knew more about his guilt, he might also know about Renee’s. Concern swelled in his mind. He could not allow anything or anyone to compromise Renee.

“I was wrong.”

“Yes, you were,” the warden said. “And frankly, you’re still that same man, willing to unleash your wrath. Which is why you are here. I intend to show you that much.”

“By unleashing your own wrath on a boy like Peter? On the rest of us? We are both men trying to understand love and serve God.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Danny. In here, I am God. And you must be taught obedience, which begins with the understanding that you’re still rotten to the core. My punishment will help you see that.”

“By extending punishment, rather than grace?”

“Punishment wasn’t my idea, it was your God’s. I am only subjecting you to your own God’s way of correction.” He cocked his head, brandishing a daring grin. “You think my punishment for not following the prescribed way is harsh? I’m an angel, Danny. Far too softhearted, really. As the holy book says, ‘He that curseth his father or his mother shall surely be put to death.’ Do you see me stoning twelve-year-old girls? I’m not so harsh as your Jesus, who, according to Christian doctrine, was the same God who made that law.”

Pape’s eyes flitted to the other tables. “And if there’s one law that all of you should be eternally grateful I don’t borrow from the priest’s God, it’s that anyone who shows contempt for a judge should be put to death. So you see, relatively speaking, I’m a merciful man filled with grace.”

Danny held his tongue. Here then was the core of the dilemma that had haunted him for too many years. The great mystery that only elaborate theological arguments could attempt to unravel, finally acquiescing to blind belief.

“You’ve failed to make your case, Danny. The fact is, I think God was on to something. Punishment works. Everyone is guilty. And, clearly, as I’ve shown, his so-called free gift of grace isn’t free at all. You now live in the big house where I am your God. How you do your time depends on how well you follow the rules. And those rules include not crying out in the middle of the night as Peter did. He did the crime and now he will do the time, it’s simply the law. He should have known better.”

Pape looked at the captain. “Take the boy down.”

Bostich nodded at the facilitators, and two of them began to cross the room. Peter shifted behind Danny and grabbed his pant leg.

“Excuse me, sir, but I have one final request.”

The warden held up his hand and stopped the guards.

“Oh?”

“If not for my need to learn your ways, you wouldn’t have put Slane with the boy last night, and he wouldn’t have been in a position to cry out. I was the one who objected. Send me down instead of the boy. I’m the one who stands to gain more from learning your ways.”

The room could not have been more still. But by the look in the warden’s eyes, Danny wondered if Pape had anticipated this, wanted this. He was a master chess player, one step ahead at every turn.

“The boy paid his price last night,” Danny said. “I haven’t.”

“The boy wasn’t hurt.”

“Not his body, but you’ve crushed his spirit.”

The warden nodded. “The next time it’ll be more than his spirit. But since you insist…” The warden nodded at Bostich. “Take the priest deep.”