THE SILK TREE

CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE

Ahead was her lodgings: in a way so sweet-sad in its Hellenism of another age, and from now on where she would have her being. How could he just go in and end it all?

Nicander shied away as if he’d come to the wrong address. But this was just delaying things. He turned back, determined to see it through; he would make it short and final, be strong and resolute – it was the only way.

His hand hovered at the door then he knocked firmly.

Ying Mei opened it uncertainly, pallid and tense. Her face lit up on seeing him. ‘Ah Yung! You came!’

‘Why, yes,’ Nicander answered, taking in the image of her standing there; he would remember her beauty for as long as he lived.

‘I promised… to say goodbye before we left.’

‘Please come in!’ she said happily.

The room had been transformed: there was now an elegant throw over the long couch, a deep-pile rug in green and gold on the wooden floor. And after her desert travails: flowers everywhere.

‘Would you like some wine? Here it is all made from grapes, I find.’

‘That is kind of you.’

He sat diffidently at one end of the couch.

‘Tai Yi is not here at the moment,’ she called from a side room. ‘She went out with Mrs Malech who’s showing her all the local shops and bazaars. I… I couldn’t really face it myself but they said they’ll be back for supper.’

He stood up. ‘There’s nobody else here? I should really leave.’

There was a sudden clatter. She hurried in. ‘Please – please don’t go!’ she blurted, her face strained and the glint of a tear visible. Nicander steeled himself – she was taking the reality of her exile harder than she was admitting to the world and it was all he could do to prevent himself going to comfort her.

‘I – of course.’

‘I’m such a silly, it’s just that…’

‘Ying Mei, you don’t need to explain. I understand.’

His heart began to weep for her – and what could not be.

‘Yes, I know you do. We always did get along well, didn’t we?’

He struggled to answer. ‘You were a good pupil.’

She came and sat on the opposite end of the couch. ‘And you! Do you remember how quickly you understood how Hsun Tzu and Confucius could be enemies, yet friends at the same time? I was amazed at you!’

‘It must be that my teacher was a very wise and patient… being,’ he said, unable to keep the feeling from his voice.

She looked at him, her expression unreadable, her hands working together.

In the silence the emotion in his breast swelled.

‘Ying Mei – I can’t help it. I have to tell you this or die!’ he cried out suddenly. ‘I… I love you so much! I can’t bear for you to be taken from me, God help me!’

She froze at the words but he didn’t care. In a few minutes it would all be over anyway and if it was the last thing he did on earth he wanted her to know how deeply, passionately and hopelessly he felt about her.

‘I… I’m sorry, but this is how I am. I’ve tried but I just can’t stop it! My love – it keeps getting stronger and I c-can’t help it!’

Tears came and he gazed at her in dumb misery.

She still sat rigid; then, very deliberately, moved over and knelt down in front of him.

‘Ni K’an Ta. I… I didn’t know!’ she said with an infinite tenderness. ‘You should have told me.’

She took his hands, raised them to her lips and kissed them gently, looking into his eyes with a compassion that was unbearable. ‘For I would tell you… that I care for you too,’ she whispered. ‘I have for a long while but I mustn’t show it. You see, I have to say it: I… I love you too.’

A storm of feeling broke and he tore himself free and stood, his chest heaving. If he didn’t run – flee from the room instantly – he would be overcome.

But before he could move, she was clinging to him, her face buried in his shoulder, weeping brokenly.

His arms went around her in an instinctive comforting but he felt her body pressing into his.

With a roaring in his ears he held her closer.

The warm, soft form yielded to him and they slowly slipped to the floor in each other’s arms.

Images intermingled: robes in disarray, a flash of nakedness, a shoulder, a young breast.

Ying Mei looked up at him, her face impossibly beautiful, dear and precious.

He kissed her again and she responded passionately. Her body under him came alive, awakening and arousing his own in a sweet agony.

Finally, in an uncontrollable ecstasy, they came together in a hard, thrusting convulsion, leaving them both spent.

They clutched each other for a long time as if desperate to hold on to the moment; wild-eyed, ecstatic – fearful of the storm that had passed.

Nicander gathered his robe about him and rose to the couch, fighting back tears at the sight of her naked form, still shuddering with passing spasms.

She collected her scattered garments and joined him, both lost in a haze of unbelief and joy.

Her hand crept into his. ‘I-I’m sorry,’ she said in a small voice. ‘I’m truly sorry. It… it just happened, I couldn’t stop myself.’ Her head fell.

‘Ying Mei, don’t say that!’ he stammered. ‘I love you! So much, so very much – this happened because we love each other, we need each other!’

‘I have disgraced you. You will hate me for seducing you like a common whore.’

Hardly believing his ears he seized her hands and forced her to look up. ‘What are you saying? I don’t understand.’

She looked up at him tearfully. ‘You will never forgive me, for I’ve done something that is wicked, yet I ask you to-’

He stared at her in amazement. ‘You’re saying things that don’t make sense. Please tell me!’

‘Your calling is now affronted. As a holy man you have your standards and-’

‘A holy man!’ he gasped. ‘Is this…’

‘Since that time in the desert you pulled me out of the sand, I’ve looked up to you, admired you – and then loved you as I knew I must not. Now I’ve dishonoured you, shamed you and I bitterly regret it.’ Her eyes filled, imploring his understanding.

At first he couldn’t answer, struck dumb with what he was hearing. Then he tenderly lifted her chin and looking deeply into her eyes said simply, ‘My love, I never was a holy man.’

‘You… you’re saying this to comfort me.’

‘No, it’s true. I couldn’t admit I was not a holy man or you wouldn’t trust me. And then it went on for so long, if I admitted it you’d despise me for an impostor.’

‘Then you’re really not…’

‘No.’

She flung her arms around him and wept in release.

‘My very, very dearest, it should be me who should beg forgiveness. You are a noble lady and… and have a future… and I…’

Touching his lips she murmured, ‘When we’re married…’

‘Married?’ he stuttered, overcome.

‘When two people love each other, it’s the usual thing, I believe.’

In a whirl of emotion he blurted, ‘My darling! I… I…’

‘Dear Ni K’an Ta, we’ve always been meant to be together! And now we shall!’

‘I… I…’

‘And you’re not Ah Yung any more. I’m going to call you the same as Ah Wu does – Ni K’ou. It’s a fine ancient name, and one for the man of my heart.’

He swallowed, hardly able to speak. ‘And you, my very dearest, I shall call you… Callista, the most beautiful.’

She looked long and deeply into his eyes. ‘We will live and love together, you and I, for always and always, to the end of time.’

In a delirium of feeling he pulled her to him, crushing her with tenderness.

‘But what now?’ she whispered.

‘Well…’

‘We’ll live here in Samarkand, but… but I really don’t know that much about you, Ni K’ou. If you’re not a holy man then…?’

‘It was only a means to protect us while we went on our mission.’

‘For the king! How wonderful – do tell me about it!’

‘Later, Callista. Shouldn’t we…?’

‘Oh, yes. They might be back early.’

She gave him a kiss then left the room, calling back, ‘I won’t be long. Don’t go away, Ni K’ou!’

When she returned, sparkling and radiant, he had restored his outward composure but inside he was nearly overwhelmed in an unstoppable tide of happiness.

She came and sat by his side. ‘When will we tell everybody, Ni K’ou?’ she said dreamily. ‘It will surprise them both, don’t you think?’

‘Ah. This could be a problem. Could you hold off telling Tai Yi until after I’ve spoken to Marius? He’s going to need careful handling.’