The Tao of Travel: Enlightenments from Lives on the Road

10. Travel as an Ordeal

IF A VACATION REPRESENTS A TRAVELER'S DREAM, the ordeal is the traveler's nightmare. Yet the travel book that recounts an ordeal is the sort that interests me most, because it tests the elemental human qualities needed for survival: determination, calmness, rationality, physical and mental strength. Such books, with their torments, are also more fun: they were among the first travel books I read as a child. No ordeal book is without instances of near madness, hallucinatory episodes, weird fugues, and near-death experiences. ¶ When I was a boy, Donn Fendler was my role model. Later I was enthralled by the accounts of Moorhouse in the Sahara and Thesiger in Arabia, and I had a whole shelf of books about boat sinkings in the Pacific, disasters that ended in many days spent in a rubber dinghy. Dougal Robertson's is the best such account.

Some ordeals bring out the wit in a traveler. The last person you'd expect to find traveling on his own in the Colombian jungle is the needy, addicted, and urbane William Burroughs. But Burroughs was determined to go through hell to find the rare Amazonian drug ayahuasca (or yage), purported to be the ultimate high. He succeeded, as he recounted in The Yage Letters.

An instance or two of ordeal is an element in most great travel books. That is, having a bad time sets such a book apart from the jolly travel romp, giving it a seriousness and depth; as a consequence we begin to understand the person traveling, the real nature of the writer of the book, tested to his or her limit.

Geoffrey Moorhouse: The Fearful Void (1974)

NO ONE HAD ever crossed (or at least written about crossing) the Sahara from west to east, an almost four-thousand-mile journey from the Atlantic to the Nile. Moorhouse decided to do it, less to be the first person to achieve it than to examine "the bases of fear, to explore the extremity of human experience."

"I was a man who had lived with fear for nearly forty years," he writes. Fear of the unknown, of emptiness, of death. And he wants to find a way — a journey — to conquer it. "The Sahara fulfilled the required conditions perfectly. Not only did the hazards of the desert represent ultimate forms of my fears, but I was almost a stranger to it."

Setting off in October 1972, Moorhouse traveled with various nomad guides, but most dropped away or were exposed as rogues. His sextant broke, he became seriously ill, and death by thirst threatened when he missed an oasis in a sandstorm. With the help of his guide Sid'Ahmed, Moorhouse reached Tamanrasset, in Algeria, in March 1973, where, exhausted and sick, he abandoned the trip. He had traveled two thousand miles, most of it on foot, through sand and gravel and howling wind.

In the empty eastern desert in Mali he runs out of water. He recalls that twenty-four hours without water in severe temperatures is the limit of human endurance. Half a day passes — no water. Night falls — and twelve hours pass — no water. They set off at six A.M. and walk and ride most of the morning. Following some camel tracks, they come upon a group of nomads. Fainting with thirst and weakness, Moorhouse is offered a cooking pot.

"There was all manner of filth floating on top of that water; morsels of rice from the dirty pot, strands of hair from the guerba [waterbag], fragments of dung from the bottom of some well. But the water itself was clear, and I could sense the coolness of it even as its level tipped in the cooking pot before touching my lips. It was the most wonderful thing that had happened to me in my life."

After he wrote The Fearful Void, he told an English interviewer for the Guardian, "Doing this journey was a piece of propaganda in a way. It seems to me that every writer's a propagandist, in that he's trying to advance a point of view he believes; and my own point of view is that we're all essentially like each other. We all suffer the same things, we all laugh at the same things, and we all have to recognize this interdependence."

Valerian Albanov: In the Land of White Death (1917)

THE BOOK TELLS of the three-month ordeal in 1914 of Albanov and thirteen crewmen, who left the ice-bound ship Saint Anna in Franz Josef Land in the Arctic and traveled 235 miles, sledging across snow and ice and open water (in homemade kayaks). This is essentially Albanov's diary of the terrible journey. Frostbite, desertion, sudden death, attacks by walruses and polar bears (they shot forty-seven bears), near drownings, and hallucinations: "Aromas of tropical fruit fill the air with their fragrance. Peaches, oranges, apricots, raisins, cloves, and pepper all give off their wonderful scents."

Later: "We have not washed now for two months. Catching a chance glimpse of my face in the sextant's mirror the other day gave me a terrible fright. I am so disfigured that I am unrecognizable, covered as I am with a thick layer of filth. And we all look like this. We have tried to rub off some of this dirt, but without much success. As a result we look even more frightening, almost as if we were tattooed! Our underclothes and outer garments are unspeakable. And since these underclothes are swarming with 'game' [lice], I am sure that if we put one of our infested jerseys on the ground, it would crawl away all by itself!"

Dougal Robertson: Survive the Savage Sea (1973)

OF THE MANY accounts of sudden sinkings, and survival at sea in a raft, this book stands out as coolly observed, detailed, and eloquent in its stoicism. After a year of sailing, the Lucette, a well-made but fifty-year-old yacht, is rammed by a pod of killer whales just west of the Galápagos Islands. It sinks in a minute, and Captain Robertson has only enough time to launch a dinghy and an inflatable to save himself, his wife, their twin sons, their daughter, and a teenage friend.

This is the beginning of a 37-day, 750-mile voyage, and after the dinghy sinks, they are crammed into the leaky inflatable, living on rations for a short time and then on fish that they catch and the occasional turtle, battling storms and twenty-foot waves and huge ocean swells. The group also endures bickering between husband and wife, the fear and weakness of the children, sharks, sores, boils, heavy rain, and near capsizes. Robertson, who had been a farmer in rural England, is resourceful in fashioning tools and catching fish and turtles. Many pages describe the catching and butchering of turtles on the tiny raft; the drying and preparation of meat; the manner by which rainwater is trapped and kept.

One is convinced, before the book ends, that the Robertsons could have made it to land on their own — they were spotted by a Japanese fishing boat 290 miles off the coast of Costa Rica.

"'Our ordeal is over,' I said quietly. Lyn and the twins were crying with happiness… I put my arms about Lyn feeling the tears stinging my own eyes. 'We'll get these boys to land after all.' As we shared our happiness and watched the fishing boat close with us, death could have taken me quite easily just then, for I knew that I would never experience another such pinnacle of contentment."

Donn Fendler: Lost on a Mountain in Maine (1939)

HIKING WITH HIS family high on Maine's Mount Katahdin in the summer of 1939, twelve-year-old Donn Fendler became separated from the others, then lost in a low cloud. For the next nine days, until he stumbled upon some campers in a remote cabin, he wandered down the mountain, following the course of a stream. At one point he loses his shoes and has to continue barefoot. On the sixth day he faints in the middle of the day.

The next thing I knew I woke up and it was getting dark.

I was sitting on a rock looking at my feet. They didn't seem to belong to me at first. They were the feet of someone else. The toenails were all broken and bleeding and there were thorns in the middle of the soles. I cried a little as I tried to get out those thorns. They were in deep and broken off. I wondered why they didn't hurt more, but when I felt my toes, I knew — those toes were hard and stiff and hardly any feeling in them. The part next to the big toe was like leather. I tried to pinch it, but I couldn't feel anything.

My head ached and I didn't want to move, but night was falling and I had to go on, at least as far as some big tree. I got to my feet. Was that hard! I could scarcely bend my knees, and my head was so dizzy I staggered. I had to go across an open space to the stream, and as I went along I saw a big bear, just ahead of me. Christmas, he was big — big as a house, I thought — but I wasn't a bit scared — not a single bit. I was glad to see him.

Wilfred Thesiger: Arabian Sands (1959)

THESIGER, WHO DIED in 2003 at the age of ninety-three, is often thought to have been the last real explorer, someone who traveled in remote regions and made significant discoveries — in essence a mapmaker, in the spirit of Richard Burton and H. M. Stanley. Fluent in Arabic, a rider of camels, with a deep sympathy for traditional cultures, Thesiger fought in Ethiopia during World War II and after the war made scientific and personal expeditions in Arabia. He also lived for long periods among the Madan people in the marshes of southern Iraq, an experience he recounts in The Marsh Arabs (1964). That book has great historical value, because the people were displaced by Saddam Hussein in one of his persecutions. Even an average day among the Marsh Arabs seems like an ordeal, but nothing in Thesiger's work compares with his starving in the Empty Quarter of Arabia:

I had almost persuaded myself that I was conditioned to starvation, indifferent to it. After all, I had been hungry for weeks… Certainly I thought and talked incessantly of food, but as a prisoner talks of freedom, for I realized that the joints of meat, the piles of rice, and the bowls of steaming gravy which tantalized me could have no reality outside my mind…

For the first day my hunger was only a more insistent feeling of familiar emptiness; something which, like a toothache, I could partly overcome by an effort of will. I woke in the gray dawn craving for food, but by lying on my stomach and pressing down I could achieve a semblance of relief…

I faced another night, and the nights were worse than the days. Now I was cold and could not even sleep except in snatches…

In the morning I watched Mikhail turn the camels out to graze, and as they shuffled off, spared for a while from the toil which we imposed upon them, I found I could only think of them as food. I was glad when they were out of sight… I lay with my eyes shut, insisting to myself, "If I were in London I would give anything to be here"…No, I would rather be here starving as I was than sitting in a chair, replete with food, listening to the wireless, and dependent upon cars to take me through Arabia. I clung desperately to this conviction. It seemed infinitely important. Even to doubt it was to admit defeat, to forswear everything to which I held.

Apsley Cherry-Garrard: The Worst Journey in the World (1922)

CHERRY-GARRARD WAS ONLY twenty-three when he joined Robert Falcon Scott's Antarctic expedition in 1912. Scott and four of his men died on the way back from the pole. But before that, in the winter of 1912-13, Cherry-Garrard trudged through the polar darkness and cold (minus 79°F) to find a rookery of emperor penguins. This was "the Worst Journey." After returning to Britain Cherry-Garrard fought in World War I at the Battle of the Somme, where almost a million men died. But he said, "The Somme was a relative picnic compared to the Antarctic." He also said, "Exploration is the physical expression of the Intellectual Passion."

In this magnificent book, in a chapter titled "Never Again," he wrote:

And I tell you, if you have the desire for knowledge and the power to give it physical expression, go out and explore. If you are a brave man you will do nothing; if you are fearful you may do much, for none but cowards have need to prove their bravery. Some will tell you that you are mad, and nearly all will say, "What's the use?" For we are a nation of shopkeepers, and no shopkeeper will look at research which does not promise him a financial return within a year. And so you will sledge nearly alone, but those with whom you sledge will not be shopkeepers: that is worth a good deal. If you march your Winter Journeys you will have your reward, so long as all you want is a penguin's egg.

Jon Krakauer: Into Thin Air (1999)

IN THE SPRING of 1996, Jon Krakauer, forty-two, on an assignment for Outside magazine, joined a guided expedition to Mount Everest. Just a story about guided climbing, but he found himself in the deadliest Everest season since climbing began there seventy-five years before, on Sagarmatha, Mother Goddess of the World.

Like all ordeal books, this one contains many lessons. The central issue is that you can buy your way up Everest, but to what extent is the hubristic motive in guided climbing an invitation to disaster? A person pays $70,000 (the going rate in 1996) to an expert, on the understanding that the client will successfully reach the summit. The client may be reasonably fit and experienced, or may be (as some clients Krakauer describes) first-timers at high altitudes, with a minimum of know-how. In the latter case, the client might be "short-roped" and yanked up the mountain, photographed at the top, and then dragged down.

Krakauer had dreamed from childhood of climbing Everest, yet was new to bottled oxygen, new to the Himalayas, and had never been anywhere near this height (29,000 feet). But he followed instructions, acclimatized himself, practiced for weeks in workout climbs from base camp, and finally made it to the top. During his descent, he suffered from hypoxia, hallucinations, extreme fatigue, and cold.

The story could have ended there. But there were many others on the mountain (he lists sixteen teams, two of them with more than twenty guides, clients, and sherpas), impatient to get to the top. So Krakauer's difficult but successful climb was only the beginning of the ordeal.

As Krakauer descended, twenty people lined up to climb the narrow ridges that led to the summit. Like Krakauer, they were worn down by oxygen deprivation, disorientation, hunger, thirst, and fatigue — and a storm was approaching. The climbers, undeterred, running late, pushed for the top; and in the thunderstorm that hit, accompanied by lightning, high winds, and blinding snow, chaos ensued. In the cold and the blowing snow, climbers got lost, fell, froze, hesitated, and panicked. Some guides stood by their clients, others abandoned them.

"With enough determination, any bloody idiot can get up this hill," Rob Hall, one of the guides, had told his clients early on. "The trick is to get back down alive." Struggling to save a faltering client, Hall died on the mountain, and so did the client, and ten others.

Everest does not inspire prudent people to climb its flanks, Krakauer writes: "Unfortunately, the sort of individual who is programmed to ignore personal distress and keep pushing for the top is frequently programmed to disregard signs of grave and imminent danger as well. This forms the nub of a dilemma that every Everest climber eventually comes up against: in order to succeed you must be exceedingly driven, but if you are too driven, you're likely to die. Above 26,000 feet, moreover, the line between appropriate zeal and reckless summit fever becomes grievously thin. Thus the slopes of Everest are littered with corpses."

William Burroughs: The Yage Letters (1963)

DOES THE BURROUGHS book belong here? I think so, as the narrative of a comic ordeal. These funny, informative, even scabrous letters, written to Allen Ginsberg, his lover at the time, were sent from various places in Latin America — Panama, Colombia, and Peru — and seem to be dispatches from a distant land. But I see them as mad memoranda, the ordeal of a man going in ever-narrowing circles. Burroughs hates travel, he hates foreigners, he mocks them unmercifully. What he craves is the ultimate high, and hearing it is to be found in the drug ayahuasca, a potion made from a jungle vine, he goes in search of it and relates his findings in these letters.

The landscape is insignificant, and the details of the trip — the people, the places — are almost beneath notice. He wants to try this drug; he is a man who needs a particular fix. If there were a progression, a sense of time, a mounting idea of discovery, an episodic enlightenment, this might rank as one of the great books about a quest. But it is deflationary and self-mocking, and he makes light of his ordeal.

"The Upper Amazon jungle has fewer disagreeable features than the Mid-West stateside woods in the summer," Burroughs writes in a typically dismissive way. And later, "Sure you think it's romantic at first but wait til you sit there five days onna sore ass sleeping in Indian shacks and eating hoka and some hunka nameless meat like the smoked pancreas of a two-toed sloth."

Burroughs did find the ayahuasca, and he had his visions, but the rest of the time he was chasing boys, many of whom (he says) stole from him. He took it in stride. "Trouble is," he writes in this cheery anti-travel book, "I share with the late Father Flanagan — he of Boys Town — the deep conviction that there is no such thing as a bad boy."