The Widow

Chapter 51

Friday, 11 June 2010

The Widow

WHEN THE CREW has gone, I sit quietly and wait for the late evening news. Mr Telly has said it’ll be the top item and it is. ‘Widow in Bella Case Speaks Out for First Time’ flashes up on the screen and music rolls over it and into my front room. And there I am, on the telly. It doesn’t last very long really, but I say I knew nothing about Bella’s disappearance but suspected that Glen was involved. I said very clearly that I didn’t know for certain, that he had not confessed to me, that journalists had twisted what I said.

I answered their questions calmly, sitting on my sofa. I admitted I was offered payment but had turned it down when I found out what the paper was printing. There was a curt statement from the Post and a shot of Kate and Mick leaving my house. And that was it.

I wait for the phone to ring. First is Glen’s mum, Mary. ‘How could you say those things, Jeanie?’ she says.

‘You know as well as I do, Mary,’ I say. ‘Please don’t pretend you didn’t suspect him of it, because I know you did.’

She goes quiet and says she will talk to me tomorrow.

Then Kate calls. She’s businesslike, saying that the paper is including my statement from the TV interview in their article so I can ‘give my side of the story’.

I laugh at the cheek of her. ‘You were supposed to be writing my side of the story,’ I say. ‘Do you always lie to your victims?’

She ignores the question and says I can ring her any time on her mobile and I hang up without saying goodbye.

The paper comes through the letterbox the next morning. I don’t have deliveries. I wonder if Kate posted it. Or a neighbour. The headline screams ‘WIDOW CONFESSES BELLA KILLER’S GUILT’ and I’m shaking too much to open the paper. My picture is on the front, gazing into the distance like Mick told me to. I put it down on the kitchen table and wait.

The phone rings all morning. The papers, the telly, the radio, the family. My mum calls, sobbing about the shame I have brought on them, and my dad is shouting in the background about how he warned me not to marry Glen. He didn’t, but I suppose he wishes he had done now.

I try and comfort Mum, telling her I have been misquoted and the paper has twisted everything, but it’s no good and in the end she rings off.

I feel exhausted so I take the phone off the hook and lie down on my bed. I think about Bella and Glen. And those last few days before he died.

He’d started asking me what I was going to do. ‘Are you going to leave me, Jeanie?’ he’d say. I’d say ‘I’m going to make a cup of tea’ and leave him standing there. Too much to think about. Betrayal. Decisions. Plans.

And I didn’t speak to him again except when it was essential. ‘It’s your mum on the phone’. Just the bare minimum.

He was like a ghost, haunting me everywhere in the house. I’d catch him looking at me from behind the paper. I had him now. He didn’t know what his Jeanie would do and it scared him to death.

Glen didn’t let me out on my own that week. Everywhere I went, he came too. Perhaps he thought I would go straight to Bob Sparkes. That’s because he didn’t understand a thing about me. I wasn’t going to tell anyone anything. Not to protect him – don’t make me laugh.

That Saturday, he was on my heels as we came out of Sainsbury’s and I saw him look at a little girl in a trolley. It was just a glance, but I saw something in his eyes. Something dead. And I pushed him away from the child. Such a little push, and he tripped on the kerb and stumbled into the road. The bus appeared at the same moment. It was all so quick and I remember looking at him lying there in a small pool of blood and thinking, ‘Oh well. That’s the end of his nonsense.’

Does it make me a murderer now? I look at myself in the mirror, try to see if it shows in my eyes, but I don’t think so. Glen got off lightly really. He could have gone on suffering for years, wondering when he’d be exposed. People like Glen can’t help themselves, I’ve heard, so really, I helped him out.

I’m going to sell the house as soon as I can. I’ve got to get through the inquest first, but Tom Payne says it’ll be open and shut. I just have to tell the coroner about Glen stumbling over his feet and it’ll all be over. I can make my own fresh start.

I rang an estate agent yesterday to find out what the house will fetch. I gave my name but she didn’t seem to notice – she will eventually, but I told her I wanted a quick sale and she’s coming tomorrow morning. I wonder if Glen’s connection will push the price up or down. Some ghoul might pay a bit extra. You never know.

I’m still deciding where to go, but I’m definitely moving out of London. I’m going to go online to find places, maybe abroad or maybe down towards Hampshire. To be near my baby girl.