The Winter Queen

CHAPTER THREE

in which a ‘slouching skewdint’ makes his appearance

FROM MIASNITSKAYA STREET, WHERE THE CRIMINAL Investigation Division had its office, to the Boyar Hotel, where, according to the report, the landowner’s wife Spitsyna had her ‘temporary residence,’ was a walk of only twenty minutes, and despite the impatience that was consuming him, Fandorin decided to stroll there on foot. His tormentor, Lord Byron, who constricted the clerk’s sides so mercilessly, had forced such a substantial breach in his budget that the expense of a cab could well have reflected in a drastic fashion on the adequacy of his diet. Chewing as he walked along on a fish-gristle pie bought at the corner of Gusyatnikov Lane (let us not forget that in the flurry of investigative excitement Erast Fandorin had been left without any lunch), he stepped out along Chistoprudny Boulevard, where antediluvian old women in ancient coats and caps were scattering crumbs for the fat, impudent pigeons. Horse-drawn cabs and phaetons dashed by along the cobbled roadway at a pace Erast Fandorin could not so possibly match, redirecting his thoughts to his offended feelings—the very idea of a detective without a carriage and trotters was simply impossible as a matter of principle. Thank goodness the Boyar Hotel was on Pokrovka Street, but trudging on from there to the shopkeeper Kukin’s place on the Yauza would take half an hour for certain. Any procrastination now could well be fatal, Erast Fandorin tormented himself (with some degree of exaggeration, it must be said), but his lordship the superintendent had begrudged him fifteen kopecks from the state purse. No doubt the Division allocated him eighty rubles every month for his own regular cabby. Those were the bosses’ privileges for you: one rode home in his personal cab, while the other plodded the streets on official business.

But now at last on Erast Fandorin’s left the bell tower of Holy Trinity Church, which stood beside the Boyar Hotel, hove into view above the roof of Souchet’s coffeehouse, and Fandorin quickened his stride in anticipation of important discoveries.

HALF AN HOUR LATER he was wandering with a weary and dejected stride down Pokrovsky Boulevard, where the pigeons—every bit as plump and impudent as on Chistoprudny Boulevard—were fed not by old noblewomen but by merchants’ wives.

His conversation with the witness had proved disappointing. Erast Fandorin had caught the landowner’s wife at the very last moment—she was on the point of getting into her droshky, piled high with various trunks and bundles, in order to leave Russia’s first capital city and set out for the province of Kaluga. Out of considerations of economy, Spitsyna still traveled in the old–fashioned manner, not by railway but with her own horses.

This was undoubtedly a stroke of good fortune for Fandorin, since had the landowner’s wife been hurrying to reach the railway station, no conversation at all would have taken place. But no matter which approach Erast Fandorin adopted in the discussion with his garrulous witness, its essential content remained entirely unaltered: Xavier Grushin was right, it was Kokorin that Spitsyna had seen—she had mentioned his frock coat and his round hat and even his patent leather gaiters with buttons, which had not been mentioned by the witnesses from the Alexander Gardens.

His only hope now was Kukin, and Grushin was very probably right about him as well. The shopkeeper had simply blurted out the first thing that came into his mind, and now he had Fandorin trudging all the way across Moscow and making a laughingstock of himself in front of the superintendent.

The glass door bearing the image of a sugar loaf at the grocery store Brykin and Sons faced directly out onto the embankment, offering a clear view of the bridge. Fandorin noted that immediately. He also noted the fact that the windows of the shop were flung wide open (evidently because of the sweltering heat), so that Kukin might well have been able to hear a ‘metallic click,’ since the distance to the nearest stone bollard of the bridge was certainly only fifteen paces at the most. A man of about forty wearing a red shirt, a black woolen-weave waistcoat, velveteen trousers, and bottle-shaped boots peeped around the door with an intrigued expression.

“Can I be of any help, Your Honor?” he asked. “Perhaps you’ve managed to lose your way?”

“Kukin?” Erast Fandorin inquired in a strict voice, not expecting to derive any consolation from the imminent explanations.

“Indeed, sir,” the shopkeeper replied cautiously, knitting his bushy eyebrows. Then, immediately guessing the truth, “Ah, you must be from the police, Your Honor? I’m most humbly grateful to you. I didn’t expect you would be attending to me so soon. The local officer said his superiors would consider the matter, but I didn’t really expect anything, sir, not really, sir. But why are we standing out here on the doorstep? Please, come into the shop. I’m most grateful to you, sir, most grateful.”

He even bowed and opened the door and made a gesture of invitation as much as to say “after you,” but Fandorin did not budge. He said portentously, “Kukin, I am not from the local station. I am from the Criminal Investigation Division. I have instructions to find the stu…the person you reported to the local inspector of police.”

“The skewdint, you mean?” the shopkeeper prompted him readily. “Of course, sir, I remember his looks most precisely. A terrible thing, may God forgive him. As soon as I saw he’d clambered up on that post and put that gun to his head, I just froze, I did. That’s it, I thought, it’ll be just like it was last year—there’ll be no tempting anyone into this shop, not even for a fancy loaf. And what fault is it of ours? What draws them here like bees to honey to do away with themselves? Stroll on down that way to the Moscow River—it’s deeper there and the bridge is higher and…”

“Be quiet, Kukin,” Erast Fandorin interrupted him. “You’d do better to describe the student. What he was wearing, what he looked like, and why you decided he was a student in the first place.”

“Why, he was a skewdint right enough, he was, a real proper skew-dint, Your Honor,” the shopkeeper said in surprise. “Uniform coat and buttons and little glasses perched on his nose.”

“A uniform coat, you say?” Fandorin exclaimed abruptly. “He was wearing a student coat, then?”

“Why, what else, sir?” asked Kukin with a pitying glance at the dim-witted functionary. “If not for that, how was I to tell as he’s a skewdint or he isn’t? I reckon I can tell a skewdint from a clerk by his coat, so I do.”

Erast Fandorin could not really make any response to that just remark, so he took a neat little notepad with a pencil out of his pocket in order to record the witness’s testimony. The notepad, which Fandorin had bought just before entering service with the Criminal Investigation Division, had lain idle for three weeks, and today was the first time he had had any use for it. In the course of the morning he had already covered several of its small pages with his fine writing.

“Tell me what this man looked like.”

“Just an ordinary sort of person, really. Nothing much to look at, a bit pimply around the face, like. And them little glasses…”

“What kind of glasses—spectacles or a pince-nez?”

“You know, the kind on a ribbon.”

“A pince-nez, then,” said Fandorin, scribbling away with his pencil. “Any other distinctive features?”

“He had this terrible slouch, with his shoulders almost up over the top of his head___A real skewdint, like I told you…”

Kukin gazed in perplexity at the ‘clerk,’ who said nothing for a long time, frowning, rubbing his lips together, and rustling his little notepad. Obviously he was thinking about something.

In the notepad it said: “Uniform coat, pimples, pince-nez, bad slouch.” Well, a few pimples didn’t mean much. The inventory of Kokorin’s possessions didn’t say a word about any pince-nez. Perhaps he had dropped it? It was possible. The witnesses in the Alexander Gardens had not said anything about a pince-nez either, but they had not really been questioned much about the suicide’s appearance. What would have been the point? A slouch? Hm. As he recalled, the Moscow Gazette had described ‘a handsome young fellow,’ but the reporter had not been present at the incident. He had not seen Kokorin, and so he could easily have stuck in the ‘handsome young fellow’ simply for the sake of effect. That only left the student uniform coat, and that was something that could not be discounted. If it had been Kokorin on the bridge, it meant that during the interval between shortly after ten and half past twelve for some reason he had changed into a frock coat. But where, though? From the Yauza to Ostozhenka Street and then back to the Moscow Fire Insurance Company was a long way; you couldn’t possibly cover the distance in an hour and a half.

Fandorin realized with a hollow, sinking feeling that only one alternative remained open to him: to take the shopkeeper Kukin by the collar and drag him down to the station on Mokhovaya Street, where the suicide’s body was still lying in the mortuary, packed in ice, and arrange an identification. Erast Fandorin imagined the gaping skull with the crust of dried blood and brains, and an entirely natural association brought back the memory of the merchant’s wife Krupnova with her throat cut, who still continued to visit him in his nightmares. No, he definitely did not wish to make the trip to the ‘cold room.’ But there was some connection between the student from the Malaya Yauza Bridge and the suicide from the Alexander Gardens that absolutely had to be cleared up. Who could tell him whether Kokorin had pimples and a slouch and whether he wore a pince-nez?

Well, first, there was the landowner’s wife Spitsyna, but she was probably driving up to the Kaluga Gate by now. Second, there was the deceased’s valet. What was his name, now? Not that it mattered in any case. The investigator had thrown him out of the apartment; trying to find him now would be a complete waste of time. That left the witnesses from the Alexander Gardens, and above all the two ladies with whom Kokorin had been in conversation during the final minute of his life. They at least must have got a good look at the details of his appearance. Here it was written in his notepad: “Daughter of full privy counselor Eliz. Alexandrovna Evert-Kolokoltseva, 17, spinster Emma Gottliebovna Pfühl, 48, Malaya Nikitskaya Street, private residence.”

He would be obliged to go to the expense of a cab after all.

THE DAY WAS TURNING out to be a long one. The cheerful sun of May, still by no means weary of illuminating the golden-domed city, was reluctantly slipping down the sky toward the line of the roofs when Erast Fandorin, now two twenty-kopeck coins the poorer, descended from his cab in front of the smart mansion with the Doric columns, molded-stucco facade, and marble porch. Seeing his fare halt in hesitation, the cabman said, “That’s the one, all right, the general’s house—don’t you worry about that. This ain’t my first year driving ‘round Moscow.”

What if they won’t let me in? Erast Fandorin thought with a sudden twinge of fear at the possible humiliation. He took a firm grasp of the gleaming brass hammer and knocked twice. The massive door with bronze lion masks immediately swung open, and a doorman dressed in rich livery with gold braid stuck his head out.

“To see the baron? From the office?” he asked briskly. “Reporting or just delivering some document? Come on in, do.”

Finding himself in a spacious entrance hall brightly illuminated by both a chandelier and gaslights, the visitor was deserted by his final shred of courage.

“Actually, I’m here to see Elizaveta Alexandrovna,” he explained. “Erast Petrovich Fandorin, from the Criminal Investigation Division. On an urgent matter.”

“The Criminal Investigation Division,” the guardian of the portal repeated with a frown of disdain. “Would that be in connection with yesterday’s events? Out of the question. The young lady spent very nearly half the day in tears, and she slept badly last night as well. I won’t admit you and I won’t announce you. His Excellency has already threatened your people from the precinct with dire consequences for tormenting Elizaveta Alexandrovna with their interrogations yesterday. Outside with you, if you please, outside.” And the scoundrel actually began nudging Fandorin toward the exit with his fat belly.

“But what about the spinster Pfühl?” Erast Fandorin cried out despairingly. “Emma Gottliebovna, forty-eight years of age? I would like at least to have a few words with her. This is important state business!”

The doorman smacked his lips pompously. “Very well, I will admit you to her. Go through that way, under the stairs. Third door on the right along the corridor. That is where the madam governess resides.”

The door was opened in response to Fandorin’s knock by a gaunt individual who stared, unspeaking, at her visitor out of round brown eyes.

“I am from the police. My name is Fandorin. Are you Miss Pfühl?” Erast Fandorin inquired uncertainly, then repeated the question in German just to be sure: “Polizeiamt. Sind Sie Freilein Pfühl? Guten Abend.”

“Good efening,” the gaunt individual replied severely in Russian. “Yes, I am Emma Pfühl. Come in. Zit down zere on zat shair.”

Fandorin sat where he had been ordered, on a Viennese chair with a curved back standing beside a writing desk on which some textbooks and stacks of writing paper were laid out in an extremely tidy fashion. It was a pleasant room with good light but completely uninteresting, lacking in life. The only spot of bright color throughout its entire extent was provided by a trio of exuberant geraniums standing in pots on the window.

“Are you here about zat shtupid young man who shot himzelf?” Miss Pfühl inquired. “I answered all of ze policeman’s kvestions yesterday, but if you vish to ask again, you may ask. I understand vat ze vork of ze police is—it is very important. My uncle Günter zerved as an Oberwachtmeister in ze Zaxon police.”

“I am a collegiate registrar,” Erast Fandorin explained, not wishing himself to be taken for a sergeant major, “a civil servant, fourteenth class.”

“Yes, I know how to understand rank,” the German woman said with a nod, pointing to the lapel of his uniform jacket. “Zo, mister collegiate registrar, I am listening.”

At that moment the door swung open without a knock and a fair-haired young lady with an enchanting flush on her cheeks darted into the room.

“Fräulein Pfühl! Morgenfahren wir nach Kuntsevo!* Honestly. Papa has given his permission!” she babbled rapidly from the doorway. Then, noticing the stranger, she stopped short and lapsed into a confused silence, but the gaze of her gray eyes nonetheless remained fixed on the young official in an expression of the most lively curiosity.

“Veil brought-up young baronesses do not run, zey valk,” her governess told her with feigned strictness. “Ezpecially ven zey are all of zeventeen years old. If you do not run but valk, zen you haf time to notice a stranger and greet him properly.”

“Good day, sir,” the miraculous vision whispered.

Fandorin leapt to his feet and bowed, his nerves jangling quite appallingly. The poor clerk was so overwhelmed by the girl’s appearance that he was afraid he might fall in love with her at first sight, and that was something he simply could not do. Even in his dear papa’s more prosperous days, a princess like this would have been well beyond his reach, and now the idea was even more ridiculous.

“How do you do,” he said very dryly with a grave frown, thinking to himself: Cast me in the role of a pitiful supplicant, would you?

General was her father’s rank and designation,

A mere titular counselor was he, and poor,

So when he made his timid declaration,

She quickly had him put out of the door.

Oh no, you don’t, my dear lady! I still have a long way to go before I even reach titular counselor.

“Collegiate Registrar Erast Petrovich Fandorin, of the Criminal Investigation Division,” he said, introducing himself in an official tone. “I am pursuing an investigation into yesterday’s unfortunate incident in the Alexander Gardens. The need has arisen to ask a few more questions. But if you find it unpleasant—I quite understand how upset you must have been—it will be enough for me to have a word with Miss Pfühl alone.”

“Yes, it was quite horrible.” The young lady’s eyes, already very large, widened still further. “To be honest, I squeezed my eyes tight shut and saw almost nothing at all, and afterward I fainted…But it is all so fascinating! Fräulein Pfühl, may I stay for a while, too? Oh, please! You know, I am really just as much a witness as you are!”

“For my part, in the interests of the investigation, I would also prefer it if the baroness were present,” said Fandorin, like a coward.

“Order is order,” said Emma Pfühl with a nod. “I have told you over and over again, Lischen: Ordnung muss sein* Ze law must be obeyed. You may stay.”

Lizanka (the affectionate name by which Fandorin, now hopelessly lost, was already thinking of Elizaveta Evert-Kolokoltseva) seated herself eagerly on the leather divan, gazing wide-eyed at our hero.

He took a grip on himself, turned to Fräulein Pfühl, and asked, “Can you please describe the gentleman’s appearance for me?”

“Ze zhentleman who shot himzelf?” she asked. “Naja* Brown eyes, razer tall, no mustache or beard, zideburns none eizer, a fery young face, but not a fery good von. Now ze clothes—”

“We’ll come to the clothes later,” Erast Fandorin interrupted her. “You say it was not a good face? Why? Because of his pimples?”

“Pickeln”, Lizanka translated, blushing.

“Ahja, ze pimples.” The governess repeated the slightly unfamiliar word with relish. “No, zat zhentleman did not haf pimples. He had good, healthy skin. But his face vas not fery good.”

“Why?”

“It vas nasty. He looked as zough he did not vish to kill himzelf, but zomeone altogether different. Oh, it vas a nightmare!” exclaimed Emma Pfühl, becoming excited at her recollection of events. “Spring, zuch zunny veather, all ze ladies and gentlemen out valking in ze vonderful garden covered vith flowers!”

At these words Erast Fandorin cast a sidelong glance at Lizanka, but she had evidently long ago become quite accustomed to her companion’s distinctive mode of speech and she was gazing at him as trustingly and radiantly as ever.

“And did he have a pince-nez? Perhaps not on his nose but protruding from a pocket? On a silk ribbon?” Fandorin threw out questions one after another. “And did it not perhaps seem to you that he slouched? And another thing. I know he was wearing a frock coat, but was there not anything about him to suggest he was a student—uniform trousers, perhaps? Did you notice anything?”

“Alvays haf I noticed eferyzing,” the German woman replied with dignity. “Ze trousers vere check pantaloons of expensive vool. Zere vas no pince-nez at all. No slouching eizer. Zat zhentleman had good posture.” She began thinking and suddenly asked him, “Slouching, pince-nez, and a shtudent? Vy did you say zat?”

“Why do you ask?” Erast Fandorin said cautiously.

“It is strange. Zere vas von zhentleman zere. A shtudent with a slouch vearing a pince-nez.”

“What? Where?” gasped Fandorin.

“I zaw zuch a gentleman…jenseits*…on ze ozer side of ze railings, in ze street. He vas standing zere and looking at us. I even sought zis shtudent vas going to help us get rid of zat dreadful man. And he vas slouching very badly. I saw zat afterward, after ze ozer zhentleman had already killed himzelf. Ze shtudent turned and valked avay qvickly qvickly. And I saw zat he had a bad slouch. Zat happens ven children are not taught to sit correctly in childhood. Sitting correctly is very important. My vards alvays sit correctly. Look at ze Fräulein Baroness. See how she holds her back? It is very beautiful!”

At that Elizaveta Evert-Kolokoltseva blushed, and so prettily that for a moment Fandorin lost the thread of the conversation, although Fräulein Pfühl’s statement was undoubtedly of the utmost importance.