Three Broken Promises

Chapter 19

Jen

My head is spinning. Colin wants me to manage his new location? Is he crazy? Is this some sort of handout position? Of course it is. I’m not capable of doing what he wants me to do and he knows it. I have no experience managing a restaurant, running a business, handling all of the office-type day-to-day things. Just thinking about juggling all of that responsibility makes me break out into a sweat.

It’s the opportunity of a lifetime, but I’m thinking it’s more of an “I must take care of you because you’re my responsibility” offer. As usual. Does he really believe in me that much? He claims he does. Or is he making the offer because he wants to keep me around and take care of me?

God, the man makes me feel so confused! As if I can do nothing on my own. It all has to come to me as a handout. And when I do try and do something on my own, I almost always fail.

Almost? Try always, you dumbass.

Or I end up dragging myself through the gutter to make a few bucks just to live.

“You okay?” Fable appears before me, her brows scrunched in concern. “You look a little sell-shocked.”

“Colin just offered me a job,” I blurt out.

She laughs. “Um, I hate to point this out, but don’t you already work for him? Oh wait, let me guess. He asked you to be his personal sex slave. I bet that pays well,” she adds with an exaggerated waggle of her brows.

I swat her arm, both irritated and amused at her comment. “Shut up, I’m serious.”

“Fine, fine. What sort of job did he offer you?”

“He wants me to manage the new location.”

Her smile fades. “You mean the restaurant he’s opening in Redding?”

I nod. “The very one.”

“Um . . . I thought he already had someone lined up.”

“So did I, but maybe not? I don’t know. But he just offered me the job, not two minutes ago.”

“What did you say?” Fable asks.

“I didn’t get a chance to answer. He wouldn’t let me, and then his dad walked in just as he was about to say something and interrupted us. The jerk,” I spit out.

“His dad is here? Really? Wow.” She grimaces. “You don’t like him, huh?”

“Not at all.” I shudder. The man gives me a bad vibe.

“So what are you going to say to Colin?”

“No, of course. I’m not equipped to handle a job like that. Too much pressure.” I shrug, feeling let down and not really knowing why. I wish I were good enough to accept the job. I’d jump all over it. But I’m not confident I could do right by him, running the new location on my own. “Besides, it’s just a handout. I’d be his puppet and he’d be pulling all the strings.”

“God, Jen, he’s making you an amazing job offer and you still look at it as charity. Don’t you think he wants you to have the position because he believes in you? It would be a huge risk otherwise.” She tilts her head. “You are pretty good at wrangling us around here. Everyone listens to you. You tend to take command when Colin’s not around.”

She’s right, I do. But it’s just because I feel comfortable here. Colin’s never discouraged me from taking control, either. I appreciate that about him.

But leaving me all on my own, taking care of a restaurant and staff as if I know what I’m doing? The idea alone terrifies me.

“I don’t know what to think. We weren’t able to talk much before his dad barged in and basically told me to leave,” I finally answer.

“He sounds like a great guy,” Fable says, her normally sweet voice full of sarcasm.

“He’s a winner. Thank God, Colin’s not like him.” Never, in all the years I’ve known Colin, has he given me a bad vibe.

His father, on the other hand, had a terrible reputation back in Shingletown. Not that he actually lived there or anything. He’d met Colin’s mom on a whim, at some sort of wild concert weekend, or so the story went. I overheard Colin telling Danny the tale once long, long ago and I tried my best to memorize every little detail.

They had a brief affair, Colin’s mom became pregnant with him, and she called Conrad Wilder up out of the blue and told him he was gonna be a father. He had a girlfriend at the time who kicked him out of the house they shared, he came to Shingletown, moved in with and married Colin’s mom, and they were supposed to live happily ever after.

But they didn’t. They lived in a crappy too-small shack, neither of them had a job or the ambition to do anything beyond drink (him) and cause arguments (her), which led to Conrad Wilder bailing on his family right before Colin’s first birthday. Even weirder, they’re still married.

No wonder Colin has such a messed-up view on relationships. Look at the example his parents gave him.

“Families are strange. I totally get that. When I first met Drew’s dad, he creeped me out. Now I realize he was just miserable and in a terrible marriage. He’s really not that bad.” Fable offers me a reassuring smile. “Maybe Colin’s dad is stressed out or overworked. Who knows? I’m gonna say this, though. Ask Colin more questions about this potential job he’s offering you. Don’t just out-and-out refuse him.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m leaving for Sacramento in little over a week, Fable. I lined up a roommate and everything,” I protest, wincing when I see the crestfallen expression on Fable’s face.

“You found a roommate?” she asks, her voice soft.

“Yeah. We confirmed everything today, as a matter of fact. She seems really nice. I sent her a deposit, so . . .” I hate going on about it. The disappointment is clear in Fable’s eyes.

“That’s awesome. I’m really happy for you.” Fable’s jaw goes firm, like she’s trying to pretend she’s fine. I’ve seen her give the look before. “But I’m dead serious. Talk to him. See what he’s offering.”

“Like a handout?” I say, trying to joke but secretly meaning it. All of his handouts have strings. Ones I didn’t use to mind, since they always involve Colin watching over me. He rarely likes to let me out of his sight.

But I’m really starting to resent his constant need to take care of me. I want more from him.

“Will you stop saying that? It’s like you don’t think you’re worthy of the praise or something. It’s really irritating,” Fable says, her gaze going over my shoulder. She stands straighter as her eyes go wide. “Uh-oh, here he comes. And he looks pissed.”

“Who?” I start to turn but she hisses at me, making me stop.

“Don’t look! It’s Colin. Oh my God, he’s headed over here. I wonder if his dad made him mad,” Fable finishes just as Colin approaches.

“Chatting on my time, ladies?” He sends a pointed look at Fable, who for once in her life keeps her lips clamped shut. It’s a miracle. “I suggest you get back to work.”

Not saying a word, she turns tail and takes off, leaving me alone with a man who is very, very pissed off.

And I think it’s all directed at me.

“I just spoke to my father,” he starts, his voice tight, his eyes narrowed. “He had some interesting information.”

“About what?” I ask warily.

“About you.” He pauses, waiting for my surprise to settle in. “And what you did when you worked at Gold Diggers.”

My knees threaten to buckle, and not in a good way. “Wh—what are you talking about?” I know exactly what he’s talking about. I’ve kept this secret from him for months. Almost a year. I never wanted him to know the truth.

Colin steps closer, glancing around as if to ensure we’re alone. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Panic flares and my brain scrambles. I didn’t want him to find out, especially like this. I want to deny it. I want to pretend this isn’t happening, but I can’t. So I decide to be completely honest.

Even if the truth might cost me everything.

“You already know I was a stripper there,” I admit, my voice small. “I danced, but only for a little while. A few months.” Regret crashes through me, but I push it aside. I can’t say anything more.

“You’re lying to me, Jen. Why would you lie to me? I thought I was your friend.” He’s starting to yell and I shush him, not wanting to draw any attention.

“We shouldn’t talk about it out here.” I grab hold of his arm to try and drag him back to his office but he jerks out of my grip, his expression full of disgust and horror.

All of it aimed directly at me.

“You’ve had plenty of opportunity to tell me the truth. I need to hear you say it.” He spits out the last word. “I could’ve helped you. You know this. God, Jenny, why did you let them touch you?”

Dread consumes me and my head spins. How does he know? He’s not saying what he knows but I can tell. He looks positively horrified, and I hate it. Hate that this is a part of my past and he’s learned about it from someone else. I should have told him. I should have been honest with him from the start. “I refuse to have this conversation out here where anyone could be listening.” I reach for him but he steps back, clearly not wanting to be touched. By me. That hurts. “Let’s go to your office. Please.”

“No,” he says vehemently. “Say it, Jen. Tell me what you let them do to you.”

Sighing, I throw my head back, staring at the ceiling for a long minute before I finally look at him. “It was only for a couple of months. I was desperate. I started working there as a cocktail waitress like I told you, but the girls who danced would rake in so much money, I became jealous over what they made. Every single one of them encouraged me to dance and after awhile, I finally decided why the hell not? So one night I drank a few shots for liquid courage, got up onstage, and proceeded to make an ass of myself the very first time I danced.”

I remember the embarrassing moment like it was yesterday. The men that catcalled me and the others who openly laughed. My dancing skills had been subpar at best and I’d been a little drunk and sloppy on my feet. But after awhile, I’d gotten into it and danced with wild abandon.

Glancing at Colin, I see he’s glaring at me, expecting me to say more. I don’t want to say more.

But I do.

“The money that the men threw at me when I danced felt empowering. I—I became addicted to the tips. I needed that money. I was all alone. Soon I was dancing six nights a week, working as much as I could. Making as much money as I could. After I’d built up some confidence, I started to offer lap dances.” I look away from Colin, unable to stand to see his reaction. He must hate me so much. “My tips exploded. I saved and saved, ready to put a deposit down on an apartment of my own so I could get away from my awful roommate when one of her creepy boyfriends snuck into my room when I was at work. He searched through my stuff and found the secret stash of cash I kept in a crappy old shoe box under the bed.”

“He stole your money.” Colin’s voice is flat and I refuse to look at him.

“He took it all. My roommate was pissed when I accused her boyfriend of stealing from me. She kicked me out. I was devastated.”

Desperate. Scared.

“Why didn’t you call your parents? They would’ve taken you back in.”

“They hardly noticed I was gone!” I look at him now, see that he flinched when I yelled my answer. “I left because I didn’t seem to matter to them anymore. No one cared. Going home would’ve been a step backward.”

“So you lived in your car instead.” The sarcasm in his voice is thick.

“What was I going to do? I felt like I had nowhere else to go. I was embarrassed, Colin. At the very end of my rope. I did things that I’m not proud of. Not proud of at all.” Things I never even told Fable and she’s my closest friend. She’s the only one who would probably get it.

Colin rescued me within two weeks of the theft, something I’d never told him about either. I don’t like talking about my Gold Digger days.

Clearly, neither does Colin.

“Why didn’t you tell me all this? I mean, I knew what you were . . . doing, but I sure as hell didn’t know everything.” He steps away from me and rubs the back of his neck, looking confused. Hurt. Disappointed.

Completely devastated by my confession.

God. He thinks I’m disgusting for what I’ve done. And he doesn’t even know the half of it. “Why is it any of your business, what I’ve done with my life?” I know why it’s his business—I want him to know. He’s one of my closest friends.

And now I’m pretty sure I’m in love with him.

“I’m your friend, Jen. If friends can’t be honest with each other . . .” His voice trails off, the implication clear.

I’m nothing but a liar and a slut. How dare he jump to conclusions? How dare he judge me? Yeah, I’m not proud of the things I did, but I had no choice. I was alone. I couldn’t go back home; my parents were too wrapped up in their own problems to want to deal with mine. They’d ignored me for years and once they lost my brother, it was as if I didn’t exist.

My brother. The only one in my family who really noticed me. The only one who seemed to care as we got older. Now he was dead. I had no one.

Just myself.

“Friends don’t treat each other like they’re trash. At least, not the ones I know,” I say, turning away from him and walking out of the room. I don’t stop as I head toward the employee room and go to the short row of lockers. I open mine up, grab the old purse I’d started using again after the robbery, and slam the metal door, heading back out into the restaurant. I storm past Colin, my head held high, my gaze anywhere but on him.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” he barks after me.

I turn to him, my nose tilted into the air. “I’m leaving.”

“You leave right now and you’re fired,” he threatens.

Oh my God. He means it—I can see the grim determination written all over his face. “So fire me, then.” I drop my gaze, refusing to look at him. If I do, I might break down and cry.

“Jenny.” He whispers my name and I chance a glance at him. “Talk to me.” I see the vulnerability in his eyes, the confusion and the sadness. Maybe some of it is tinged with disgust; I don’t know. I can’t really tell. All I know is that he’s judging me and making me feel even worse about my mistakes than I already do. It’s better for me to cut my losses and run. Just like I originally planned.

“Don’t make me do this,” he continues, his deep voice rumbling with agony. “Don’t make me fire you.”

“Are you serious right now? Go ahead.” I flick my chin at him. “Fire me. It’ll give me the excuse to get the hell out of this place even sooner.”