Tick Tock

Epilogue
Chapter 105

I'm at the window in the bedroom of my apartment.

A strange nickel-colored light fills the streets. The streets are empty. No cars, no people. The lustrous light winks off endless rows of empty windows. Off to my right beyond the buildings is the Hudson River, but I can't see any current. Everything is as still as a painting. The curtains blow in on my face for a moment and then fall back, still, and I know time has stopped.

I'm sitting back against the headboard of my bed, which is funny because my bed isn't anywhere near the window, only now it is. Then I realize it's not my current apartment on West End Avenue. It's actually my old place, the tiny studio Maeve and I rented on a sketchy run of Riverside Drive after we got married.

Just as I realize this, arms suddenly embrace me from behind. I want to turn, but I can't. I'm paralyzed. Hair stands up on the back of my neck as a chin rests on my shoulder.

Michael, a soft Irish-accented voice whispers in my ear.

It's my dead wife, Maeve. She's alive. I can feel the warmth of her hands, her breath in my ear, on my cheek. I check myself, feel my side where Apt stabbed me, feel my face for the dent in my fractured face, but everything is impossibly smooth. An incredible sadness rises in me like an overflowing spring.

No, she admonishes me when I start to cry.

But it's over, I cry.

No, she says again as a finger wipes away a tear and presses against my lips.

It's not the end. There is no end. That's the good part. How are all my babies?

I have trouble breathing, I'm crying so hard.

Baby, you should see Juliana. She's so brave and capable, just like you. And Brian, he's this huge, wonderful, polite young man.

Just like you, Maeve says.

And the rest of them. Eddie's so funny, and Trent. The younger girls have left me in the dust, honey. Pink is cool one second, then it's so babyish. I can't keep up. Oh, God, you'd be so proud of them.

I am, Michael. I see them sometimes. When they need me, I'm with them. That's another good part.

I reach out and suddenly hold her thin wrist. I move over to her hand, run my finger over her wedding ring.

I made it back to you. I knew I would. I never doubted it.

When she squeezes my hand back, my sadness evaporates, and I'm overcome with a pulsing warmth. I'm being filled inside and out with peace. Suddenly there's a pop, and a rushing sound fills my ears, like water roaring violently through a pipe. The bed starts to shake.

Will you show me everything? I say, holding on to her hand for dear life.

Of course, Michael, she says as she lets go of my hand. But not now. It's not the right time.

But I don't want to go back, I yell. Not yet. I have so many questions. What about us? What about Mary Catherine?

I know you'll be good to her, Michael, Maeve yells over the increasing roar. I know you. You would never play with a person's heart.

That's when I turn.

But Maeve isn't there.

Nothing is. Everything is gone. My room, the block, the city, the planet. There is nothing but the roar, and my breath and sight fail as it swallows me whole.