To the Wedding

24

The coach driver is driving slowly, for the visibility is poor. The wipers barely clear the windscreen and they scrape like rakes. The headlights illuminate a wall of falling snow, beyond which he can make out nothing. He slows to walking pace, and finally stops, puts on the handbrake and switches off the engine.

With the engine cut, the noise of the sleeping passengers sounds louder: snores, the bubbling of deep breaths, murmurs like those of an organ after the organist has stopped playing. Outside the coach, silence, a silence of feathers.

Zdena stirs, opens an eye, screws it up, rubs the misted window with her left hand. Rubbed, it reveals nothing different. Snowflakes falling, so close together they touch one another.

We’ve lost our way. She says this to the man against whose shoulder she has been sleeping.

The bald man opens his eyes and takes in the snow.

We must be near Packsattel, he says. What I don’t understand is why we have stopped.

Because we can’t go on.

She leans against his shoulder, still half asleep.

We should be able to go on, she says, we should, and we don’t. They say communism is dead, yet we’ve lost our nerve. We have nothing to fear and we are frightened of everything.

For something to die, the man says, for something to be dead, it has first to be alive. And this wasn’t the case with communism.

You had a Party card!

So one can’t talk of it being dead. To talk of it being dead is a stupidity.

Are we going to stay here forever? Stay here forever. Ever. Forever?

Sshh … I’ll tell you a story. Can you hear me?

“Let me sing of sorrow from the top of the mountain,” Zdena plucks with little pinches at the material of the man’s sleeve. That’s also Marina Tsvetayeva, you know?

Once, Tomas says, once there was a man called Ulrich. He lived in the Koralpe which is probably near where we are now. This was fifty years ago.

Around the time Marina hanged herself, Zdena says.

Ulrich had a chalet high up in the alpage, a four-hour walk from the road. Every summer he took his goats and his two cows up there. In the morning he would go out barefoot over the grass and collect with a shovel all the cow-shit he could find and dump it in one heap. He did this like Hoovering a carpet at home. All the men in the alpage did the same, for cows won’t eat grass where shit has rested for days, and in the ferocious immensity of these mountains every square metre of green grass is precious.

With the coach stopped, the snowflakes stick to the windows to make the effect of crochet-work lace curtains. Calm now, Zdena nuzzles her ear against the man’s shoulder.

One year, earlier than anybody expected, the snows came, continues the bald man. So Ulrich decided not to fight his way down but to spend the winter in the chalet. He made a tunnel through the snow to the stable and barn where the hay was stacked. He stayed on the mountainside all winter and not one of his animals died.

The bald man rests his hand on her hair. Her hair is short and curly with traces of gray at the roots. She is on the verge of sleep.

In the valley the villagers were frightened for Ulrich. The other men had all come down. If Ulrich spends the winter up there, they said, he’ll go mad. When the spring came and the snows melted, some of the villagers climbed up to see Ulrich. He welcomed them in, he offered them fire-water and he appeared to be completely himself. We must wait and see, the villagers said on their way down, these things take time.

With her hair between the fingers of his large hand, he prevents her head lolling and falling too low, and this gentle tugging on her scalp keeps her just awake enough to hear some of the words.

The next year, before the snows came, Ulrich decided not to go down to the valley but to spend the winter with his animals on the mountainside. And this is what he did. He saw to it that there was enough hay and they all survived. In this way the years passed. Sometimes the snows came early, sometimes late, but Ulrich never again came down to the village for the winter.

One summer, years later, the village schoolmaster was walking high in the mountains and he came upon Ulrich and so he asked him: Ulrich, why do you never come back to the village when the snows come? And Ulrich replied: Imagine, Mister Schoolmaster, imagine how hard it would be for a man to spend six months in a village surrounded by people who are convinced he is mad! I’m better here.

The bald man can feel the woman’s regular breathing. Sleep, little mother, sleep.