To the Wedding

8

Jean Ferrero still has his headlights on because he has come through cloud, white cloud washing the broken rock faces. The road zigzags its way down. He comes to the first pine trees. The debris of rocks changes into grass.

A good way below a man is walking, hands in his trouser pockets.

I imagine he is a shepherd, from the way he’s walking. Shepherds have their own way of moving from place to place. No keys in their pockets, no coins, no handkerchief, perhaps a knife but more likely the knife is in the fur-lined leather jacket he’s wearing. He walks nonchalantly to prove his independence, to prove his independence to the peaks, who have just emerged from the night to join a new day, of which he knows neither the date nor the day of the week. He walks this way because he’s proud the night has passed. He had something to do with its passing well.

As he approaches the shepherd, the signalman reduces speed. At the last minute he stops, raises his visor and puts his feet down. Why has he stopped? He himself doesn’t seem to know. Perhaps it was the hour and the lack of any visible habitation. Distantly one of the shepherd’s dogs is barking.

The shepherd takes a few steps past the foreign motorcyclist to say over his shoulder without looking round: Far? Going far?

Far! says the motorcyclist.

Probably the shepherd hasn’t spoken for a fortnight or more. Neither man knows immediately what to say; both of them are calculating and talking out loud at the same time. They are fumbling for a way of talking between Italian, French and a mountain patois which, in principle, they may share. They test each word, sometimes repeating it, like the shepherd’s dog repeating his bark.

I translate from their sounds, their barks and their bastard words.

Is it Sunday? asks the shepherd, turning round to face the motorcyclist.

Wednesday.

You started early?

Early.

The nights are still cold.

No fire? asks Jean Ferrero.

No wood.

No?

There are things I’d steal, says the shepherd.

Wood?

No, your bike.

Where would you go?

Down to Pinerolo.

How far is Pinerolo?

Pinerolo is twelve kilometres.

What’s in Pinerolo?

Women.

At six in the morning?

And a dentist!

Climb on. Been on a bike before? asks Jean.

Never.

Been to a dentist before?

Never.

Get on.

I’m not coming.

You got pain?

No.

Sure you’re not coming?

I’ll keep the pain here. You go far?

To Pinerolo.

Okay, says the shepherd.

And the two men drive down to Italy, the shepherd with his arms encircling the signalman.

It’s fatty on the roof of my mouth. On the outside where it’s burnt brown, it’s dry. Every morning I choose the brownest pain au chocolat I can see. So you’ve made Papa’s coffee, says the baker’s wife, and you’re on your way to school! She says this because Maman has left, and I live alone with Papa. I touch the black chocolate, first with my teeth, then slowly with my tongue. It’s liquid, not liquid enough to drink, you have to swallow it, but, compared to the pastry, it’s liquid. What’s cunning is to swallow your first find, and to leave enough to push with your tongue into every corner of the milky bread so it’s all perfumed with chocolate.

They stop at Pinerolo by the bridge. The shepherd climbs down and, with a wave of his hand but without a word, disappears into a café. The road follows the river, light catches the silver underside of the willow leaves, the water sparkles, there’s a fisherman casting for trout and Jean Ferrero drives on and on, hugging the tank with his knees.

The Casione joins the Po just upstream from Lombriasco. The inhabitants of the village are so used to hearing the rush of waters that if the two rivers were dammed in the middle of the night, they would suddenly wake up and believe themselves dead. Driver and motorbike pass through, attuned as if they were a single creature, like a kingfisher when it flies low over the water.

I’m drinking a cappuccino during my lunch-break. You can find me any day at 1:45 p.m. in the Via G. Carducci. It’s eighteen months now since I came to Modena. It’s as if, eighteen months ago, when I was asleep, somebody moved two letters around: MODANE, MODENA. I found a new town. I speak Italian with a French accent. “The words tap-dance instead of sing!” they tell me. They manufacture tractors and sports cars here in Modena and they make cherry jam in huge quantities. And I love it here. I’m not semplice. They’re not either. All of us know an apricot measures five centimeters and no more! Even in Modena, if a man gets too uptight when it comes to settling the price of cherries for the year, the Cobra Magnums can kill him. Yet I walk through the streets at night here, imagining every kind of happiness and looking behind the trees.

The sky is an early morning blue and there are white clouds near the tops of the trees. The road is straight. And the signalman is doing 200 kilometres an hour.

There’s this exhibition in Verona, and Marella and I, we decide to go in. The posters outside showed a woman’s head in profile. What a neck! The sexiest giraffe in the world, says Marella. On another poster I noticed the way the Egyptians had of tieing up their skirts. Anyway on Sundays it’s free, said Marella. They tie them across the left hip. So we go in. I look at everything. As if they lived next door. The numbers in the street are a bit crazy. They’re 3000 B.C., and we’re A.D. 2000, but there they are next door. I find a model of one of their houses: kitchen, bathroom, dining room, garage for the chariot.

The walls have niches for your body. Niches cut out to fit the shoulders, waist, hips, thighs … like cake tins which mould sponge cakes, but these are for bodies in all their beauty. Bodies to be protected like secrets. They loved protection, the Egyptians. Step into one of those, says Marella, and they’ll wall you up! Take your time, Ninon, I’m going to have an ice cream! If you’re not out in an hour, I’ll come and look for you in the mummy cases!

What a way to go! You lie in the mummy case like a bean in its pod and instead of the bean pod being lined with silky down like a newborn baby’s hair, it’s snug with polished wood — they say it’s acacia wood — and on it is painted the lover god who is going to kiss you forever. They let nothing get lost. There’s even a mummy case for a cat. And the way the statues walk! They face you, no shilly-shallying, their arms raised, their wrists flexed, their palms facing outwards. Men and women. And when they are couples, the woman puts an arm round her man. They come forward, sometimes they take a very short step backwards, but they never never turn round and leave. No turning the back in Egypt, no leaving, no parting.

I try it myself, right foot a little ahead, back absolutely straight, chin high, left arm raised, palm facing forward, fingertips at the level of my shoulders …

Suddenly I know I am being looked at, so I freeze. The eyes looking at me, I can feel, are somewhere behind my left shoulder. Four or five metres away, not more. A man’s eyes for sure. I stay stiller than the Egyptians did.

Other visitors start to stare at the man behind me. They see me but I don’t trouble them because they think I’m joining the Egyptians and I don’t move a fraction, then they notice the man behind me, and they stare at him aggressively, for they blame him for my not moving!

Let up, you hog! I hear a woman’s voice hiss at him. It is the hardest moment for me because I want to laugh. I can smile but I can’t laugh, let alone giggle.

I don’t move till I feel the gaze has shifted. In the reflection of a glass case I see there’s no man behind me any more. He’s been forced into the next gallery. Only then do I stop being Egyptian.

I tell myself I’ll take a look at him. In the next room are five monkeys. Life-size baboons in marble, sitting there, taking the sun. I think the sun’s setting and every evening they come and sit on the same rock to watch the sun go down. The tizio is wearing sunglasses and he has a camera slung from his shoulder. I can’t see through his sunglasses. Anyway, why wear sunglasses in ancient Egypt?

As I leave the exhibition to join Marella in the ice cream parlour, this tizio comes through the turnstile behind me, breathing hard.

Is your name Nefertiti? he asks.

My name’s Ninon.

I’m Luigi. On the road they call me Gino.