Torn

Chapter 14

Madness

It was one of the most perfect fall days. The weather wasn’t too hot or too cold and the breeze was just enough to keep me cool. I had my windows down on the drive from Laguna Beach to LA and hoped that the scene with Grace at the restaurant wasn’t as bad as I thought.

I had sat in the parking lot for over an hour before I left. I wanted to make sure my judgment wasn’t clouded from my one drink. But all I kept thinking was five minutes, just five minutes, was all it had taken to put a tear in an almost perfect relationship.

The whole drive home I listened to the song “Into the Nothing” on repeat and went over our conversation in my mind. I loved her and would never want to hurt her, but I just couldn’t agree to her request that I forgive Ben for what he had done.

At six o’clock I finally pull into the driveway and I’m surprised everyone is still there. I tried to call River from the car, but it went straight to voice mail. The music playing as I open the door tells me immediately that Nix took control of the playlist because it’s his favorite song, “Radioactive.” The kitchen shows the remnants of a party—pizza boxes stacked on the stove, bags of chips on the table, and beer bottles lined up on the counter. River’s at the kitchen table with his hands fisted through his hair and Ellie sits next to him as they both look over a stack of papers. Xander’s outside pacing the deck while talking on the phone and the other band members are sacked out on the couch.

“Hey,” I call out when I walk through the door and hang my keys on the hook.

River looks up with a smile and pushes his chair back. Ellie turns, setting her beer bottle down, and I notice immediately she’s removed her suit jacket. Her very low-cut silk camisole displays her ample cleavage and I have to refrain from rolling my eyes.

“Cute boots,” she says, sounding like she means it. “Gucci?”

Looking down at my chunky-heeled tall black boots, I shrug my shoulders. I have no idea what brand they are but I’m sure they’re not Gucci. I’ve had them for years and don’t even remember where I bought them. “I’m not sure but thanks.”

“I have a similar pair but can never seem to get the outfit right when I try to wear them.”

Setting down my purse, I smile at her. “Really, I just throw them on with everything.”

Her phone rings and she motions toward the living room. “Excuse me a minute.”

River nods and stands up, his gaze locking on mine as he strides toward me and mouths, “Missed you.”

Smiling at him, I take a deep breath and try to push my argument with Grace from my thoughts.

His gaze travels up and down my body before settling on my face. Then his lips are on mine and his arms circle my waist and I feel better already. “You were gone a long time. Everything go okay?”

I can smell the alcohol on his breath and know he’s been drinking. “Yeah, it was fine.” I really don’t want to discuss what happened with Grace in front of Ellie.

Pulling back, he outstretches his arms and leaves his hands on my hips. “You sure?—because you don’t look like everything’s fine.”

I nod and lean against the counter.

“Want anything? There’s plenty of pizza left.”

“I think I’ll just have a beer.”

He grabs a glass for me and fills it with ice then opens the refrigerator to retrieve a bottle. Twisting the cap off he takes a swig and I watch the way his throat moves as the cool liquid goes down.

“Hey, that’s mine,” I tease.

Grinning, he pours the beer into the glass and hands it to me. “What, you don’t share?”

I smirk back and before I can answer his warm breath is on my skin. When his parted lips kiss my neck and his tongue teases my flesh, I grip my glass tighter and ask, “You’re working late. Are you almost done?”

Ellie responds for him. “Well, you know since he,” she says, pointing to River in case I don’t know who she means, “is so hard to pin down, I have to take advantage while I can.”

For some reason her tone bothers me, but I still shoot her a glad he could be of service smile. Then I tell River, “I’m really tired. I’m going to take these boots off and lay down for a bit.”

He presses a kiss to my cheek before sliding his tongue to my ear and whispering, “Wait for me and I’ll do that for you, just let me wrap this up.”

Ellie quickly interjects, “River, we’re not finished yet,” and I wonder how she could hear us over the music and why she was even listening.

But I’m not going to stick around and argue with her. Kissing River one more time, I head to our bedroom.

Moments later, I’m chewing some ice and standing at the window in front of my hope chest, just blankly staring at the Hollywood sign when I feel his hand at my waist. He swipes my hair to the side with his other hand. Closing my eyes, I lean into him. He moves his hands to my stomach and presses his body against mine. “What do you say we take off more than just the boots?”

I laugh. “Are you drunk?”

“Who, me? Why would I be drunk after I had to spend the day discussing the ins and outs of every stage at every stop? I still don’t get why Xander couldn’t have taken care of all that.”

I stretch my arms around his neck and tilt my head to the side. “Well, I think that would be because Ellie wanted you to help take care of it.”

He pulls me flush to him and I can feel his hard body against every part of me. “She doesn’t bother you, does she?”

“No, not really. Why would you think she bothers me?”

His fingers are inching inside the waistband of my jeans and his mouth moves up and down my neck. “I don’t know, because she bothers me,” he laughs and I join in.

His other hand untucks my shirt and then moves up to slip inside the lacy cup of my bra. His hand fits perfectly around my small breast. He murmurs against my ear, “Do you want to talk about your lunch with Grace now?”

“Not when you’re drunk, I don’t,” I say, angling my head so that his lips can find mine.

“I’m not drunk, I only had two beers.” I’m not really listening as his lips travel down my neck and place openmouthed kisses along my skin.

He gently bites down on my lower lip. A quiver of sensation washes through my body when his lips lock against mine. Turning around, I wrap my arms around his neck and look into his eyes, which are blurred with desire. “I thought we could talk later,” I purr as I slide my hand down the front of his jeans.

With the stereo on, the only other sound in the room is his low but unmistakable growl as he pushes me toward the bed. Falling on it, he hovers over me and I crawl back on my elbows and he follows on his palms, his knees sliding up the sheets. My hands glide up his flexing back and I relish the feel of each and every muscle. His mouth covers mine and we drink each other in.

Suddenly, the door opens. “Hey man, let’s make like Linda Lovelace and blow.”

We both look over and Garrett stands there with a shocked look on his face. “Shit, man, I didn’t know Dahlia was home.”

River and I look at each other, laughing uncontrollably and Garrett rushes to close the door, leaving it open a crack to say, “Nix is ready to go. How much longer do you need?”

River collapses next to me and throws his arm over his forehead. “Give me five minutes.”

I roll onto my side and rest my head on my hand. “Where are you going?”

“We’re going. Sorry I got distracted and forgot to mention it. Ellie wants to introduce the band to some of the setup crew and wants us to play a few songs for them, to ‘get them in the zone,’ as she put it. She’s arranged for all of us to meet at Smitten’s tonight. I guess she has a limo coming to pick us up.”

“Of course she does.”

“She does bother you,” he says, leaning over to kiss the bare spot on my stomach where my shirt has lifted.

“Well, it’s more like her giant boobs bother me.”

He laughs and looks up at me. “Didn’t really notice her boobs,” he says, pulling my shirt up the rest of the way, exposing my bra. He runs his tongue up my stomach to my chest and once he lifts my bra he says, “I only notice yours.” He nips my shoulder before locking his mouth around my nipple. With a quick flick of his tongue, he licks me and it instantly hardens.

My fists clutch the sheets as my back arches. “I want you.”

Just as his hands fly to the button of my jeans, there’s a pounding on the door. “Come on, Loverboy, get the Muse and let’s go,” Xander shouts.

Sighing, River mutters, “Fuck,” under his breath and then yells, “Go without me.”

“Not happening. I’m coming in, so you better be decent,” Xander warns and I quickly pull my shirt down as he opens the door.

I’m sitting up on my elbows as River once again throws his arm over his forehead. He doesn’t even look at Xander when he says, “Seriously Xander, don’t you have anywhere else to be than up my ass?”

Xander approaches the bed and jerks River’s arm, making him sit up. They stare at each other and Xander narrows his eyes when he says, “I’ll be more than up your ass if you don’t get your head in the game, bro. I’ve had enough of your shit. Now let’s go, the limo’s waiting.” He doesn’t wait for a response; he just turns and walks away, slamming the door behind him.

Smitten’s is packed when we walk in. I hear the song “Done” playing and look over to the band. I haven’t seen them before but everyone’s mouthing the words and dancing. They really have the crowd entertained.

River laces his fingers in mine and weaves his way through the crowd. I immediately notice the archway in the back leading to the poolroom is covered in plastic. I tap him on the shoulder and point to the construction. “What’s going on over there?”

Chuckling, he informs me, “Smitty is remodeling the old poolroom. Turning it into a state-of-the– art billiards room, I guess.”

Once we reach the bar, he orders us two beers and one glass with ice. While we’re waiting he leans against the bar and seems to stare off into space. I’m starting to get more concerned about the stress this tour is causing him. Once our drinks arrive, he pours my beer into the glass and hands it to me. Then he says into my ear, “Sorry about earlier. I promise to finish what I started later.”

I can’t resist tracing the letters on his Ramones T-shirt when I tell him, “Way to get a girl all hot and bothered and leave her hanging.”

“Dahlia! There you are,” Bell shouts from behind me.

When I turn in her direction I notice she’s wearing the birthday present I gave her, a Love Quotes scarf. It complements her black jeans and white-lace top perfectly. I smile and tug on the scarf, “Hi, Bell. How was your date?”

“Amazing. It’s work that’s killing me. Xander has me jumping hoops for this tour now that he knows I have another job. With both jobs, I feel like I don’t have enough time for a boyfriend right now.”

“If you really like him, tell him that. I’m sure he’ll understand.”

River pulls me back against him and Bell appears to suddenly realize it’s her brother behind me. “Nice cover-up you and Xander pulled on Mom about the eye, but she saw right through it, you know.”

Xander approaches us, motioning for River to follow him.

“I better see what he wants,” he says to both of us and kisses me before walking off. I watch what looks to be a heated conversation. Bell notices, too, and bites her bottom lip before saying, “What’s going on with those two?”

“I think River is just stressed over the tour.”

“I guess.”

Xander leaves River standing there. River once again looks stressed as he runs his hands through his hair and follows Xander to the table full of young guys all staring at Ellie, who has once again removed her jacket.

“Have you met Ellie?” Bell asks me.

“Yeah, I have. She seems . . . competent.”

“Yeah, competent is one way to describe her.”

I look at her and laugh as she squeezes her way to the bar. She orders us two shots. Handing one over to me she says, “To women who think they’re all that, may their boobs drop at a young age.”

I laugh so hard I can barely down my shot. She orders another and this time I make the toast: “To women who see through the women who think they’re all that.”

Bell sucks in a breath to control her laughter and drinks her shot then asks, “You’re not worried about her, are you?”

“No.”

“Well good, because you have no reason to be. My brother loves you.”

I smile at her. “I know.”

“Speaking of my brother, what are you doing for his birthday?”

I look at her blankly. “Shit Bell, it’s this Saturday, isn’t it? I have no idea. With everything . . .” I’m not sure if she knows about Ben yet, even though everyone seems to know everything before I do. “I’ve been so busy I haven’t even thought about it.”

“Lucky for you I’m an awesome party planner.”

“I don’t know about a party, though. There’s so much going on with the tour right now . . .”

“Nonsense, that’s the perfect reason to have a blowout party—to celebrate River’s birthday and the band’s departure. Let’s make it a surprise.”

I look at her questioningly.

“Dahlia, I’ll take care of everything. You just get him out of the house for a few hours Saturday. Take him to dinner or something for his birthday.”

As my eyes roam the bar, they fall on River’s table, where Ellie is leaning over him, handing him a shot. Her chest is on full display and I roll my eyes. “Okay Bell. If you’re sure. Come on, my turn to buy a round.”

Three shots and two beers later, I am feeling no pain. Bell has changed topics so many times I’m having a hard time keeping up. She went from talking about birth control and how she can never remember to take the pill at the same time every day to her recent shopping spree at Avery’s, and now she’s telling me her plans for the party. I’m trying to stay focused, listening and nodding, but my mind keeps going back to Grace. I can’t stop thinking about how we left things.

But the sound of a familiar voice brings me to full attention. My eyes dart to the stage and I see him up there looking at ease, relaxed, like the stage is his second home.

“Hello everyone,” his deep voice welcomes the crowd. When I see him up there like that I can’t believe he’s mine. He stands with a power that commands attention. His toned muscles flex under his T-shirt with every twist and turn he makes as he adjusts the microphone height with his guitar slung around him, hugging his back.

For some reason every time I see him like that onstage it steals my breath away. His smile is wide, his dimples always on full display, his eyes bright. He’s so steady and sure and his passion for singing couldn’t be clearer. When he’s up there I know it’s where he’s meant to be. For a moment I wish it could always stay this simple for him—just write songs and bring them to life, no talk of touring and moving up to a grander scale. But the band is on the rise and he deserves the fame and all that goes with it. I just hope he learns to be happy with it.

“I’m going to sing a few songs tonight that I wrote for my girl,” he says, his eyes shining on me. The way he looks at me sends prickles along my skin. He pulls his guitar around him. “One, two, one, two, three, four,” he mouths before the opening music surges throughout the room.

You were my once in a lifetime.

This I knew from the moment your eyes met mine.

You were my once in a lifetime.

This I knew the first time I whispered into your ear and my heart stopped.

You were my once in a lifetime.

This I knew when your face touched my spirit.

You were my once in a lifetime.

This I knew when I kissed your lips and felt it in my soul.

So where did you go, where did you go?

My concerns about Grace flee for the moment in my excitement at watching him perform. Hearing him sing about us, his feelings for me, brings such peace. His evocative voice captures the audience’s attention. Couples start dancing, people begin to sway, and everyone is singing along. But he’s singing it to me as if we were alone, and that thrills me. He stops playing the guitar and lets it drop. Grabbing the mic with both hands his eyes close. With his legs shoulder-width apart he taps his thigh to the beat. He owns the music—of that there is no doubt. As the song ends he sways back and forth, playing a last few notes on his guitar and ending with an ever-so-slight bow.

The band moves right into the next song but this time he takes a seat on a barstool. His black boots find their place on the rung and he rests his guitar on his thigh. He beams before he breaks into song, strumming the beautiful melody of “Five.” Again I’m completely mesmerized. When he begins to sing, his focus slips further into the music as if he’s the song. During the chorus some of the girls start screaming and standing, he gifts them with his sexy grin. Wild thoughts of us in bed together flood my mind and I feel myself flush as I stand there, watching him, wanting him. He drops his guitar again and raises both hands in the air. His shirt lifts and the glistening skin of his lower abdomen is bared for all to see. “Come on, everyone, sing along,” he coos into the mic, and, of course, we all do.

5 years, 260 weeks, 1,825 days, 2.3 million minutes.

That was how long ago I met you.

If I did it all again. Would you come along for the ride?

If I did it all again. Could you play this game with me?

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anything sexier than his bright smile backlit by the golden lights of the stage. Here, in this small familiar venue, River is in his element. When the last notes fade, the audience bursts into applause and the sound dances through me. “That’s all for tonight. Till next time,” he says as he lifts his guitar strap over his shoulder. He waves to the audience while they clap and yell for more. Some girls are even calling out their phone numbers while others make suggestive comments, but he doesn’t seem to notice. The Wilde Ones talk for a few minutes and then each guy leaves the stage going their own ways.

I lose sight of him in the crowd and turn back toward Bell, who is also grinning from ear to ear. Then I sense his presence behind me before I see him. “Hey, beautiful.” His warm breath travels down my neck and sends a shiver through my eager body. I lean into him and he wraps an arm around me.

Bell puts a finger over her lips and winks at me. “See you two later. I have to find Reston before he hits the stage.”

“Reston? Who’s Reston?” River asks then kisses my neck.

“Don’t you ever pay attention? He’s my boyfriend, the drummer for Scandalicious.” When he looks at her quizzically she says, “Duh. They’re the band onstage.”

He lifts his eyes to check it out but keeps his lips on me. “Sorry Bell, I just can’t keep up with all your boyfriends, but the band is rocking it.”

“I really like this one,” she says as she flutters toward the stage.

“Good luck,” I call to her but I’ve already turned so I can really kiss him.

“You were amazing up there,” I tell him, raking my fingers through his hair and holding on.

Leaning back he takes in every inch of me. Then he’s got me flush against his body, desire consuming my every thought. His eyes are hooded and I can see a reflection of my desire in his gaze—the passion between us is about ready to erupt. “Amazing, yeah,” he responds, but his breath catches on the words.

Skimming my hands down his chest, I circle his waist and tuck my hands inside his jeans. Pulling him closer, I softly brush my lips against his neck and his body quivers from our slight skin-on-skin contact.

His hands glide up my back as he closes the small distance I left between us. When he slips his tongue into my mouth, I gasp. But when he bites down on my bottom lip and sucks on it, I can’t help but whimper.

I pull away before things escalate any further. “Take me home and finish what you started before we left.”

He looks around and then over at the table where Ellie, Xander, and the other band members are all sitting, still doing shots and engaging in animated conversation.

“I can call us a cab.”

My body is way too impatient to wait for a ride and I let him know it when I rock against him and say, “I want you now, not in an hour.”

He steps back and surveys his options. Watching him, I lick my lips and run my hands down my body. “Fuck,” he groans, hissing through his teeth. When he drags his tongue across his lip, he looks so freaking sexy I know I’d let him fuck me in the bathroom.

He motions to the left, ushering me into the crowd and I hope no one is watching us. As we’re making our way through it, he wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me into him. Pointing to where he wants me to head, he leans in and whispers, “I’m so hard right now.”

My brain is a bit hazy from the drinks I’ve had tonight but it’s not in the least bit clouded when it comes to this—I know what I want. And I know he wants the same. At the covered archway with the sign POOLROOM above it, he looks around then lifts the sheet of plastic and motions to me to slip under it. He quickly follows.

Once we’re on the other side he takes my hand and leads me down the hallway. It’s pitch-black and he has to hold his phone up to guide the way. Once we enter the room, I look around, but the only thing in here is the pool table covered by a white sheet. He sets his phone on it, and quickly hoists me up onto the table.

“You sure about this?” he asks with his heavily lidded eyes studying me.

Pulling in a shaky breath at the smoldering look in his eyes, I lean in to kiss the corner of his mouth and purr, “Absolutely.”

With a soft groan he slides between my legs and the feel of him pressed against me makes me tremble. My breath hitches and my pulse quickens. Cupping my face in one hand, he traces the seam of my lips with the other. Not wanting to wait another minute, I wrap my hands around his neck and our lips move against each other with fervent need, and a soft moan escapes my throat. I can hear the band playing “Feel This Moment” and I lose myself in the music.

Something almost primal overcomes me. I moan in his ear loud enough that he can hear me. Sliding my mouth back to his, we consume each other as our lips move faster, harder, deeper against each other’s. I don’t care if I fuck him on the floor, the pool table, or against the wall when he rocks against me. I squeeze my eyes shut, just needing to feel his skin against mine; trying not to dig my fingernails into him, I want him so badly.

Opening my eyes, I stare at him then quickly stand and we turn so he’s leaning against the pool table. His eyes lock on mine, as my hands find their way down his chest to unbutton and unzip his jeans. Shoving his pants and boxers down, I see that he’s fully ready for me and my hand strokes his length. I push him back slightly and as I kneel I can see his chest moving up and down at a rapid pace.

I start slow, swirling my tongue around his tip before sucking on it. At the taste, I realize how hungry I was for him. I lick every inch of him. When I seal my mouth over him, he groans and his hands go to my head but I don’t need him to guide me. I want to give him this—to relieve the stress I’ve seen on his face all day. Each time I move, I take him as deep as I can and each time he hits the back of my throat, he groans even louder. My mouth sucks, my fingers stroke, and my lips move in all the ways I know he likes it. “Oh fuck. Just like that. Just like that,” he mutters and it thrills me to hear the pleasure in his voice. His muscles start to shake when my tongue revisits his tip. As I trace a path around the moistness already beaded there, he shudders and slides his hands down beneath my arms, quickly pulling me up to him.

His mouth finds mine and I know he must taste himself on me. We kiss each other as if we can’t get enough of one another. Then he picks me up and sets me on the pool table. Panting, he bends down and unzips one boot then the other, leaving me breathless and gasping with anticipation.

“I’ve been thinking about taking these boots off you all day,” he says as he tosses my boot to the ground.

The slight glow of the phone is the only illumination in the pitch-black room. I smile at him and love the look I see on his face right now. He stands me up and quickly removes my pants and panties then sets me back on the pool table.

“God, I want you,” I tell him.

Grinning at me he says, “Not yet,” as he drops down and spreads my legs further apart. His fingers trace patterns around my slick flesh and then his tongue follows the same path. I have wanted him all day and with just this simple touch, I begin to feel a soft rippling. He thrusts his tongue in and out and I arch my back and call out for more. When his tongue finds its way deep inside of me, I start to tremble. Screaming his name as the room goes blurry, I lose awareness of where I am as I experience the most amazing climax. Thank God the band’s loud bass drowns out the sounds we’re making.

He stands back up and my vision clears enough to see the face of the man I love. I lean back and he slides us up the pool table. And this time when he kisses me, I can taste myself. He smiles while kissing me and I know he’s thinking the same thing. I wrap my fingers around him and guide him to me because I can’t wait another minute to have him inside of me. He groans as he plunges deep inside me and I raise my hips to meet his.

We both move in harmony at a quick but rhythmic pace, enjoying every second of becoming one. Meeting each thrust with my own, next River increases the pace and I feel my muscles start to clench again. I kiss my way up his neck and back down, and, in turn, he bites my lip, my cheek, and my ear.

He pulls back slightly, closing his eyes, and I know he’s close. When I know I can’t hold back anymore, I pull his ear to my mouth and whisper, “Come with me.” As the wave of euphoria washes through me again, he calls my name and takes one final thrust before he, too, loses all control.

He falls to my side and pulls me close. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

We lay here for a few minutes, both quiet, both clinging to each other with a desperation we haven’t had before and it scares me. Have recent events taken a deeper toll than either of us is willing to admit? Laying here in this dark room, hearing his ragged breathing, I can’t help but think back on our intense sexual encounters the past few days. Is this aggressive need for each other our way of trying to tear down the wall between us?