Until the Dawn's Light

47

THE FEVER WEAKENED Otto, and his face was as pale as chalk. Dr. Nussbaum didn’t conceal his opinion: “For the moment, he mustn’t be removed from the hospital and you must be at his side, watching over him.”

“And what about my job?”

“They’ll have to extend your leave. I’ll give you a medical certificate.”

Blanca set out for Blumenthal right away to ask Elsa for additional leave. At that cold, clear afternoon hour the tranquillity of the winter’s end wafted from the low neighboring houses. She remembered that time of day from years gone by, and the memory seared her.

When Blanca reached Blumenthal and asked for an extension of her leave, Elsa’s face soured and she said, “We can’t extend your leave, and the choice is up to you.”

“Please, show mercy.”

“Mercy isn’t the issue. It’s order.”

“I’m lost,” Blanca whispered to herself.

Elsa rose from her seat and said, “Don’t pity yourself too much. No one owes you anything. You chose what you chose. We have to suffer in silence without making a fuss.”

Good God, Blanca said to herself. There’s some justice in her meanness.

Blanca went to her room to pack her clothes. The room was in darkness and still full of Sonia’s presence, as if she had left behind some of her essence. It was palpable, spread over the table and the two chairs.

What should I do now? she asked herself.

You have to go downstairs and take the jewels. Blanca heard Sonia’s voice, plainspoken and without a trace of sanctimony. Blanca was fearful, and Sonia spoke again. You have to go downstairs without hesitation. Otto’s life is more important than the Ten Commandments.

Blanca knelt and bowed her head. She felt for the first time that she was in the hands of forces more powerful than she was. Then she went downstairs to the laundry room. The darkness struck her in the face, but she easily found the hiding place. She shoved the jewels into her coat pocket and went upstairs to say good-bye to the old people.

Finally she went over to Tsirl. Tsirl put her hands on Blanca’s head and blessed her. Blanca didn’t understand a word of what she whispered. After the blessing, Blanca kissed her hands and walked to the door.

Tsirl stopped her. “Where are you going, dear?”

“My son is very sick, and I’m going to him.”

“You have nothing to worry about, daughter. You have good protectors above, and God who cures the Jews will also cure your son. What is his name?”

“Otto.”

“The good Lord will watch over all the Jews and over him.”

Blanca didn’t move. The wings of the blessing hovered over her, and afterward, too, on her way to the train, she still felt the soft touch of the words. But later, when she was close to Heimland and felt the weight of the jewels in her pocket, she got up and stood next to the window, exactly the way her late father had done when all hope was lost and despair had gripped him.

When Adolf heard that Blanca had been dismissed, he seethed with rage and slapped her face. Blanca burst into tears. Her weeping inflamed his fury, and he heaped words on her: “Just not to work, just to sit in the house, just to feed your weakness.”

“I’ll keep working,” she said, trying to mollify him, but it didn’t work. He stamped his feet.

Blanca worked in the hospital now. On Sundays she would come home, hand her wages over to Adolf, and prepare refreshments for the guests. Her mother-in-law, who came to visit Otto, said, “Otto’s sick again. What will be with him? There’s something out of order in him. He’s sick all the time.”

Blanca looked her right in the eyes and said, “Dr. Nussbaum says he’ll be a sturdy young man.”

“Let’s hope so. But I can’t see it. Doctors always make promises and never keep them. By the way, Blanca, you should change your name. A name like yours is an obstacle.”

“Father Daniel already gave me a name.”

“When?”

“After the baptism.”

“So why don’t you use it?”

“It’s strange to change your given name.”

“What’s strange about it? If the name is harmful, you have to change it. In two or three years Otto will be going to school. Everyone will know right away that his mother’s name is Blanca. You don’t have to display your defects. By the way, what name did Father Daniel give you?”

“Hilda.”

“A nice old name. In the village where I was born, that was a common name.”

Otto was very weak and barely opened his eyes. Dr. Nussbaum came to see him several times a day. Blanca didn’t move from his bedside. Now she remembered her mother and said to Otto, “If you swallow the pill, you’ll feel a lot better. There’s nothing easier than swallowing a pill.” Those soft words rang in her ears with pure clarity.

Meanwhile, Celia returned from the mountains. Her face was round and transparent, and filled with wonder. Her simple nun’s habit made her look taller. She spoke softly and listened intently. Sometimes she asked a question.

“I’m bound in fetters, and I don’t have the strength to loosen them,” Blanca said to her.

“What do you mean, Blanca?”

“I’m living in a prison, and I stopped counting the days that I’ve been in captivity. Every day closes in on me more. I had a good friend in Blumenthal, but she went to the east. I would gladly have gone to the Carpathians, but I’m married and I have a child.”

Celia’s eyes widened, but she said nothing.

“I can tell you that ever since Grandma Carole died, I’ve felt a strong attraction for the Carpathians. Maybe the mountains will give my soul back to me. I feel that the soul within me has fled.”

“And you wouldn’t want to come with me to the mountains of Stillstein?”

“Churches don’t love me,” Blanca replied.

After parting from Celia, Blanca sat in the hospital corridor, and to her surprise she felt that a hint of strength still fluttered within her. She rose to her feet and approached Otto’s bed. His sleep was quiet now. That night he felt better, and the next day he opened his eyes.