Waiting for Wednesday

TWENTY-NINE

Joe Franklin had been more cheerful than for a long time but Frieda knew that he moved through repeating cycles of depression. For months he would be heavy, grey and defeated, barely able to go through the motions of living, often incapable of making it to her rooms or of uttering a word when he got there. The deathly numbness would lift and, for a while, he would emerge into a brighter world, exhausted and relieved. But he always got sucked back into the black hole of himself. Coming to see her was his way of holding on to a corner of life, but it was also his comfort blanket.

Frieda had often felt during her own therapy that she was standing in the desert, under the blowtorch of the sun, parched and bleached and unforgiven, with nowhere to hide. Joe, however, crept into her room like an animal into a lair. He hid from himself and perhaps she allowed him to do that in a way that wasn’t necessarily helpful. Solace not self-knowledge. Yet how much should we face ourselves full on?

As she was thinking these things, making her notes after the session, with the spring sun slanting through the window and lying in a blade across the floor, her mobile vibrated in her pocket. She took it out: Sasha.

‘I’m about to leave work. Are you free?’

‘Yes.’

‘Can I come and see you?’

‘All right. I’ll be home in about half an hour – is that good?’

‘Perfect. I’ll bring a bottle of wine. And Frank.’

‘Frank?’

‘Is that OK?’

‘Of course.’

‘I feel a bit nervous – as if I’m about to introduce him to my family. I want you to like him.’

Frieda walked to her house in the soft dying day. Petals of blossom lay on the pavement. She thought about Rajit Singh and the story he had told that was someone else’s story; tonight she would send a message to Agnes Flint. And she thought about Joe and then about the happiness she had heard in Sasha’s voice. As she unlocked her front door, she wondered how long it would be before she could have a hot bath again, with no dust swirling through her rooms.

The door stuck against something and she frowned, then squeezed through the narrow opening into her hall. There were two large bags there, blocking the entrance. There was a jacket lying on the floor beside them. There were voices and laughter coming from her kitchen. She could smell cigarette smoke. She pressed the light switch, but no light came on.

‘Hello?’ she called, and the voices ceased.

‘Frieda!’ Josef appeared in the kitchen doorway. He was in his work clothes, but held a brimming glass of vodka and he seemed to have trouble walking in a straight line. ‘Come in and join.’

‘What’s going on? Whose are these bags?’

‘Hello, Frieda.’ Chloë appeared beside Josef. She was wearing what looked to Frieda like a jersey, but presumably was meant to be a dress, because there was no skirt underneath it. Her face was smeary with smudged makeup and she, too, was holding a glass of vodka. ‘I’m so grateful to you. So, so grateful.’

‘What do you mean, you’re grateful? What have I done? Jack!’ Jack was coming unsteadily down the stairs. ‘What’s going on? Is this a party?’’

‘A gathering,’ Jack said, looking sheepish. ‘Chloë told me to come over.’

‘Did she now? And why don’t the lights work?’

‘Ah.’ Josef took a hasty swig of his vodka. ‘Electrical problems.’

‘What does that mean? Are these your bags, Chloë?’

‘Frieda,’ a voice roared cheerfully.

‘Reuben? What’s Reuben doing here?’

Frieda strode past Josef and Chloë into the kitchen. Lit candles had been placed on the windowsills and surfaces, and smoke hung in blue clouds. There was an open vodka bottle and an ashtray with several butts stubbed out in it. The cat clattered through the cat-flap and wound itself around Frieda’s legs, mewing piteously for attention. Reuben, his shirt half unbuttoned and his feet up on the chair, raised his glass to her.

‘I came to see my good friend Josef,’ he said. ‘And my good friend Frieda, of course.’

Frieda yanked open the back door to let the smoke out. ‘Will someone tell me what’s going on? First of all, why don’t the lights work? What have you done?’

Josef looked at her with a wounded expression and put both palms upwards. ‘The wires have been cut by a mistake.’

‘You mean, “I cut the wires.”’

‘Complicated.’

‘Why are your bags in the hall, Chloë? Are you going somewhere?’

Chloë gave a scared giggle, then a hiccup. ‘It’s more like I’ve arrived,’ she said.

‘What?’

‘I’ve come to stay with you.’

‘No, you have not.’

‘Mum’s on a rampage. She’s booted poor Kieran out, too, and she hit me with a hairbrush. I can’t live with her, Frieda. You can’t make me.’

‘You can’t live here.’

‘Why? I’ve nowhere else to go.’

‘No.’

‘I can sleep in your study.’

‘I’ll ring Olivia.’

‘I’m not going back there. I’d prefer to be on the streets.’

‘You can stay with us,’ said Reuben, magnanimously. ‘It’d be fun.’

‘Or with me,’ put in Jack. ‘I’ve got a double bed.’

Frieda looked from Reuben to Josef to Jack, then back at Chloë. ‘One night,’ she said.

‘I won’t get in your way. I’ll cook for us.’

‘One night, so you won’t need to cook. And there’s no bath and no light anyway.’

The doorbell rang.

‘That’ll be Sasha,’ said Frieda. ‘Pour three large vodkas.’

Frank was quite short, solid, with his hair cut close to his scalp and dark melancholy eyes, with a slight cast in one so that he seemed to be both looking at Frieda and past her. His handshake was firm, his manner almost shy. He was wearing a beautifully cut suit and carrying a briefcase because he’d come straight from work.

‘Come in,’ said Frieda. ‘But be warned – it’s mayhem.’

Perhaps it was better that way, though. There was no room for self-consciousness. He took off his jacket, drank a shot of vodka and then was somehow persuaded by Reuben to cook omelettes for everyone, which he did very slowly and seriously. Chloë stood beside him in her absurd excuse for a dress, whisking eggs with a fork and gazing at him with an over-serious expression on her smeared face. She was tipsy and giggly and a bit weepy, and swayed as she whisked, slopping egg on to the floor. Reuben, Jack and Josef took Chloë’s bags up to the study, making a lot of noise about it; they could be heard laughing and dropping things. Sasha and Frieda sat together at the table assembling a green salad, talking quietly. Sasha could feel that Frieda approved – or, at least, didn’t disapprove – and happiness filled her.