War Torn

Chapter Fifty-six

AGNIESZKA AND DARREL DROVE UP FROM THE COAST, ACROSS moorland and forest, through the centre of the city and finally towards the rolling countryside where the camp was situated. And all the time, Agnieszka was asking herself what she wanted to happen next.When the time came to turn into the supermarket where they had left her car, Darrel did not turn. He did not look at Agnieszka or ask her if she wanted to change her mind, he just drove on past the supermarket towards her house.Luke was quiet. Agnieszka did not speak. She was frightened now. What was she doing? Did she still love Jamie? You didn’t just switch off love. Thinking of him caused a strange, twisting feeling like a corkscrew buried inside her chest. She loved him but his absence was immense. Gradually he was becoming a ghost, a vapour, a shadow, as though one day he would disappear altogether.She glanced at Darrel. His face and body were more than the light and shadow of memory. But if he went home tonight then he would just be a memory too.Her heart beat faster as they entered the camp. She felt sick.As they neared the house she saw, at the end of the street, a dark-skinned woman surrounded by small children. Adi Kasanita. Trailing home from the rec with her kids before bedtime on a summery evening. Adi’s walk was slow and relaxed. She swung her hips as she pushed the buggy with one hand and held a toddler with the other. The older children were playing some sort of game at her side, surging around her like water. Adi was talking to them and laughing. She looked content with her uncomplicated life.Agnieszka watched her and knew that Adi had got it right. Yes, Adi, relaxed and smiling with her kids on a warm evening, was the way it was supposed to be. The day by the sea, her car hidden at the supermarket, their furtive kisses on the beach, it hadn’t really been wonderful. It had been complex and furtive.She stole another quick glance at Darrel. For a moment she hated him. He made her feel so good that she had chosen not to notice that he was a huge, threatening storm gathering over peaceful waters. But she knew it really. That was why her heart thudded and her head spun with nausea.‘Darrel. Don’t come in. You can’t come in.’He looked across at her in surprise.‘What?’‘I very sorry. I want that you drive back to supermarket for my car.’‘Ags, you’re scared. You don’t have to be scared.’‘Don’t come to house, Darrel, it very dangerous for me.’‘Listen—’‘No, please! Please don’t come home now.’He sighed and passed her house without even slowing. At the end of the street they turned.‘What changed your mind?’‘I very sorry, Darrel.’‘Was it that woman with the kids you were looking at? Is she a friend of yours?’‘Yes.’‘I thought you said you don’t have any friends here.’Agnieszka closed her eyes. It was true that Adi wasn’t really a friend. She was one of a group of women who had invited Agnieszka into their circle often enough, and Agnieszka had chosen to remain outside their orbit. She had thought it was boring, stifling and small-minded. Now it looked warm and attractive. It looked safe. But if Darrel came home with her she would be stepping far, far from its protection.He said: ‘If you’re worried what your friends think, I could come back later, maybe. When it’s night.’‘No.’‘I’ll make sure no one sees me.’She shook her head vigorously.‘No, Darrel. Please. It wrong to do this.’She waited for his reaction. For a minute his face darkened and he looked angry. Then she saw him wrench a smile from somewhere.‘OK, Ags. We’ve had a good day. We won’t ruin it now. We’ll stay friends,’ he said.‘Yes,’ she said. ‘We are friends, just friends, Darrel.’At the sound of her own sureness, her nausea evaporated and she felt the relief, all through her body to her nerve endings, of a narrow escape.