The night.
ANDREW is doing sit-ups without his top on.
A knock at the door.
ANDREW stops for a moment.
Then carries on with the sit-ups.
Another knock at the door.
A moment. ANDREW carries on.
ANDREW It’s locked.
The WOMAN comes in. She’s looking possibly a little drunk, her hair is more relaxed than before. She holds a bag.
WOMAN Hi! Just checking if – Wow. Okay. Why have you?
Okay. Should I come back at some other time?
ANDREW No. It’s fine.
WOMAN Why have you got your shirt off?
ANDREW I was exercising.
WOMAN It’s very late at night.
ANDREW I couldn’t sleep.
WOMAN You know there’s a gym downstairs? It’s actually not bad, I mean the facilities here aren’t great generally you have to pay through the nose for wifi, and the bar’s okay if you can get past the prostitutes. Who by the way all have laptops. They sit there at tables and do what look like accounts on Excel on their Macbook Airs when they’re not chatting to men or being fucked. I mean, I just have so many feelings about that in so many directions, the rights and wrongs of that because no doubt these women are being so much better paid than I am, but would I do what they do? No I would not. Am I in a position, really to make that call? To say what I would do in their position? No I am not, because the alternatives might all be horrific. Sorry I’m rambling, I do that when it’s late and I’ve been having fun, the point is the gym’s okay. You could do exercise in the gym.
ANDREW I’m not allowed to leave my room.
WOMAN Oh yeah. Forgot.
ANDREW …
WOMAN I could send one of those prostitutes up.
ANDREW No thanks.
WOMAN She could dress like Mindy. Use a false name. You could use a false name too.
And only speak through writing pictures on pieces of paper.
Or better, not speak at all.
And no eye contact.
Ultimate privacy. Total silence.
ANDREW I’m fine thanks.
WOMAN You ever used a prostitute?
ANDREW No.
WOMAN Me neither. I think it must be horrible, but it’s one of those things isn’t it, that’s sort of become so acceptable in society it’s easy not to think about it, but if you imagine actually letting someone invade you like that –
ANDREW I thought you’d have gone by now.
WOMAN Gone? No. I’m staying here. Waiting for you to change your mind.
ANDREW You’re not who you say you are.
WOMAN I know, I told you that. I explained the reasons why.
ANDREW I mean you don’t work for him. The other man.
Also called George. He came and said they don’t know anything about you.
WOMAN What other man?
ANDREW George.
Beat.
WOMAN We don’t work with anyone called George.
ANDREW You mean…
WOMAN Did he say he worked for us?
ANDREW With him. He said he was sent by him to speak to me.
WOMAN No that’s me. That’s what I’m here to do. This other man. Lying to you. Describe him.
ANDREW He’s –
WOMAN He probably works for the Russian Government.
Or a newspaper. A Russian newspaper. Or worse. He could even be a blogger Andrew.
Did he threaten you?
Who knows? But whoever, or whatever he was, or is, it’s got nothing to do with us.
ANDREW But are you going to find out about him?
WOMAN You get people like that all the time.
ANDREW It doesn’t bother you.
WOMAN Nah.
ANDREW I thought you were protecting me?
WOMAN Well as I said, it’s hard for me to justify that if you’re not one of us.
Pause.
You’re in a bit of mess aren’t you?
Long pause.
ANDREW I think there’s going to be a war.
Beat.
WOMAN Have you gone all –
ANDREW I’m serious.
WOMAN Okay. Okay, but with your shirt off, and saying things like that it makes me think you’re either like Brando in Apocalypse Now, or that you’re about to go on some kind of mass killing – when you say war –
ANDREW Have you got a bank account?
WOMAN So we’re sort of skitting between topics here?
ANDREW …
WOMAN Yes, I have got a bank account. I’ve got several actually. Different banks. Different names in fact, but that’s –
ANDREW Do you trust that your money will be there? When you want it?
WOMAN Yes.
ANDREW …
WOMAN No. That’s why I have the money in different banks.
ANDREW In different countries I expect as well.
WOMAN Yes.
ANDREW So you don’t trust the banks.
WOMAN Okay, there’s a glimpse here of where this is going –
ANDREW You don’t trust the government, we’ve established that.
WOMAN Right.
ANDREW God?
WOMAN Yes? Oh sorry, you weren’t talking to me.
ANDREW Do you trust God?
WOMAN No Andrew of course I don’t trust God.
ANDREW Or the church.
WOMAN Ha!
ANDREW …
WOMAN No.
ANDREW We’re ruling things out. Aren’t we? Free-market capitalism.
WOMAN I’m on the left.
ANDREW Marxism then?
WOMAN Wouldn’t it be great if it actually worked though?
ANDREW The law.
WOMAN Of course not.
ANDREW Police
WOMAN Ha ha.
ANDREW What then? What do you, with your degrees, and your self-proclaimed passion, what do you believe in? The thing that you tie your spirit and your work and your exertion to, what is the set of values that gets you through the day?
WOMAN Progress.
We get better.
ANDREW I see no evidence for that.
Long pause.
WOMAN Wifi!
ANDREW What?
WOMAN We’ve never had wifi before. And yes, I know that sounds facetious and I know you’re feeling this passionately so bear with me – but we literally in the history of civilisation, have never invented or used wifi before, the dinosaurs didn’t have it, the Victorians didn’t have it, we didn’t have it in the nineties.
ANDREW That’s progress?
WOMAN That’s an example. Violence across the world is down. Poverty is down. Education is up. Emancipation of women is up. We’re not doing as badly as you think.
ANDREW We’re heading for something bad.
WOMAN Maybe. But when that’s done, we’ll move on.
ANDREW Yeah but actually when that’s done you’ll be dead and I’ll be dead, I’m not talking about a small war like the Second World War, I’m talking about a complete and global collapse of every state, of every institution. We’re like – that – far away. It’s about to happen. We can’t see it because we’re hiding behind the walls but if you live in Sudan, Kenya, Iraq, Syria, Tunisia, Greece, Ukraine – you’ve felt literally felt on your skin the effect of this collapse. You know, in a way that we don’t yet, what is about to happen.
WOMAN No wifi.
ANDREW No water, electricity, no food, no security, yes no wifi. This isn’t a sort of conspiracy thing, this is real. And it will happen not because it needs to but because we don’t trust anyone. We’ve all lost faith. As the rich get richer, and the politicians become so detached they cannot speak without hypocrisy, as the average experience means increasingly nothing, and resentment grows, when we all believe in nothing and credit, trust, is gone, it will all crumble.
Beat.
In many ways it already has.
WOMAN You’re going through a thing tonight, aren’t you? It makes sense.
ANDREW That’s why I did it. Released all that stuff. Because the only way to stabilise our faith in what we’re doing is to see the contradictions – expose the systems – and discuss and then move towards something we can get behind. Something more fair, more open and transparent. Not authority but real consent.
WOMAN Yeah. That’s right. Exactly. That’s what we think too.
ANDREW I don’t know what you think. You don’t articulate it. You’re more into secrets than any of them.
WOMAN To protect ourselves.
ANDREW Well that’s not going to work, so here’s my deal, George. You tell me who you really are, your real name, and then I’ll get on board. You trust me. I’ll trust you. And we’ll save the world.
WOMAN Alright. Well. My real name is Sarah.
Sarah Lishman.
Pause.
Sorry. That’s not true.
This is hard. Alright. Actually? Really…?
I’m Charlotte. Waters.
Pause.
Or am I?
You see this is impossible. I could just be making stuff up. How do I prove it? You know what I mean? Apart from saying that I’m this lady stood in this room with this face and body how do I go about proving to you in a way that will be acceptable, who I really am?
He doesn’t answer.
She reaches into the bag, and gives him a plastic cowboy hat.
I got this from one of the girls downstairs. It was one of her props, and I thought since you were American, then you’d like it.
ANDREW …
WOMAN An outlaw.
ANDREW …
WOMAN Howdee.
Pause.
ANDREW It was what they wanted. Not just the founding fathers but the pilgrim fathers. When they got on the boat. They sought a place they could start again and act how they wanted. Free from authority and the systems that held them. They wanted to make something new and they did.
WOMAN After they wiped out the people who were already there. And before the country fell into an essentially lawless state for quite a few decades.
ANDREW Yeah.
Pause.
I’ve never felt less free. Whether I’m in this room or not. Even before I did it. I felt utterly trapped. Between giving my bank statements for the whole year so I could get a mortgage, and my health payments, and my movements known to companies, and what I like, and who I am, and recorded on CCTV every day. Being in this room. At least there aren’t any cameras here.
WOMAN Well…
ANDREW Really?
WOMAN Yeah. Probably the Russians put a couple in, that’s why they put you here. And we’ve got one going too. So yeah – it’s all monitored.
ANDREW Okay.
WOMAN Yee-ha. They’ll love the hat.
Beat.
ANDREW Well it’s going to have to be something to do with your body isn’t it?
WOMAN Are you aware that sounds really creepy?
ANDREW I mean how do I know that you mean what you say, how do I know I’m not just one of many people you are lying to, and that this is fundamental to your life’s work, well you’re going to have to do something to yourself that’s unique. That you haven’t done before or since.
WOMAN I’m not going to sleep with you.
ANDREW I don’t want you to sleep with me.
WOMAN I can get one of those girls if this is just a way to get a bit.
ANDREW Can you please take this seriously.
WOMAN What then?
ANDREW I don’t know. Sacrifice something. Take your clothes off.
WOMAN I’m sorry?!
ANDREW No I don’t mean – just all you’ve got is you, like you said a woman standing in a room. And we need to establish some trust. There’s nothing else I can do. You know everything about me. You’ve got the resources and I’ve never hidden anything, but you need to give me something in return and you’re absolutely right, all you’ve got is what’s tangibly in this room. So I’ve got that far.
You come up with something then.
She thinks.
Sits opposite him.
Then takes out a safety pin from her bag.
A relatively large one.
WOMAN Okay. So here’s my idea.
She unbends the safety pin so it’s a needle. Then gets a lighter and lights the end. Holds the tip of the needle in the flame.
So that you trust me. I’m going to put this needle through my skin. This piece of skin here, between my thumb and forefinger. I will put an actual hole in it. And yes, that hole will heal, but it will leave a scar. And I don’t have any other scars on my body. Not one. You can check if you like – well the bits you can see I’m not taking any clothes off – and I certainly don’t have any other marks on my hands like this. So if I do this you will know that you are unique and this is real and it matters to me and that I mean what I say. What do you think?
ANDREW Are you heating it up?
WOMAN I think it sterilises it or something I’ve never really done this before and I don’t have a crack habit so I’m basically a novice but it can’t do any harm right.
ANDREW Okay.
Beat.
WOMAN You’re sure you need this?
ANDREW Yes. It’s a start.
WOMAN A ‘start’! Jesus. Ready?
ANDREW Yes.
She’s about to do it.
Why does the phone have nothing in it?
She stops.
WOMAN I’m sorry?
ANDREW The phone. I opened it and there’s nothing inside. Just a speaker and some electronics.
WOMAN Well that’s what you’d find inside a phone that’s basically –
ANDREW No you’d normally find something to operate the buttons, a little circuit board but in there it’s literally just a speaker really.
WOMAN You want to – shall we do this in a minute?
ANDREW I thought it might… I thought it might be relevant.
WOMAN Well it’s the Russians they’ve given you a fake phone haven’t they? Bloody Russians.
ANDREW But it was you who said you had it disconnected.
WOMAN I know! And now it turns out it wasn’t a real phone anyway, waste of bloody time! Look we’re good, Andrew, but we can’t get everything right.
ANDREW just looks at her.
May I?
ANDREW Okay.
Beat.
WOMAN This is really going to hurt, isn’t it?
ANDREW I would imagine.
WOMAN You’re going to let me do this?
ANDREW I think it will help. Yes.
WOMAN God. I’m glad I’m quite drunk. Actually get me that bottle of whiskey from the thing. The one I had before.
He does.
She takes it. Drinks it. Sploshes some over the needle.
Alcohol’s supposed to – oh fuck it.
She puts the needle through the piece of skin. Winces.
ANDREW Are you okay?
WOMAN Yeah.
Blood comes out.
It’s really painful.
She finishes.
Can you get me some tissue?
He does.
He gives it to her.
Jesus that hurt.
She stops the bleeding.
Okay. Okay.
She drinks from the whiskey.
Okay. So. Right. So. Happy?
He nods.
Good. Cos you can believe what you like but you saw that – that was like some blood, an actual bodily act. You want to see?
ANDREW Yes.
She shows him.
WOMAN Okay?
ANDREW Yeah.
WOMAN Right.
Beat.
So you see it does matter to me. To us. You matter a huge amount. You are unique. We do need you. I am who I say I am, and I’ll always have a scar to prove it. If I did this all the time, my hand would be covered in scars, which as you can see, it’s not.
So?
Are you in?
So you’re in? Tomorrow we’ll call him, and say that you’re on board and you’ll do what we say, and you’ll let us help you.
So?
Very long pause.
ANDREW Okay.
WOMAN Good to have you with us.
She puts her hand out for him to shake.
You want to shake?
He doesn’t. She puts her hand away.
She stands. Drinks from the whiskey.
I’ll see you in the morning.
ANDREW Yes.
WOMAN You going to put some clothes on now?
ANDREW Maybe.
WOMAN You like the hat?
ANDREW Yes.
WOMAN Good.
Beat.
ANDREW What are you going to do now?
WOMAN Well I’m – surprisingly enough I’m not so tired any more so I think I’m going to go downstairs and get another drink and maybe a sandwich, they do these all-night sandwiches that are only one type – it’s like ham and something but they’re very moreish so I’m going to have one or two of those and sit and drink, and maybe you know what even have a cigarette to mask this fucking pain you made me go through, and I’ll hang out with the prozzies until they get carted away. And eventually I’ll fall asleep in my room and in the morning I’ll come and get you. Nine o’clock.
ANDREW What then? In the morning.
WOMAN Firstly, get you out of this fucking room.
ANDREW Right.
WOMAN Then get your position in Russia secure.
ANDREW Okay.
WOMAN Passport. Get you granted asylum. Get Putin onside. We’ve got calls we can make. We’ll try to get you on the phone with him as well.
Beat.
ANDREW I can’t believe you actually just did that.
WOMAN Like you said. We’ve got to start somewhere. In the cold war we’d have had to sleep together to prove mutual trust. Now it’s just self-mutilation.
ANDREW Progress.
WOMAN Exactly.
She goes.
He sits.
He stands.
He goes to the wall.
Puts his hand on it.