With Our Backs to Berlin

GERHARD TILLERY

The potential officer course in Lübeck, which should have lasted until 15 March 1945, was broken off on 16 February. We were already in Cleverbrück on a ten-day field exercise when the orders came through. We had all hoped to become sergeants on 15 March and get some leave, but the Russians had already crossed the Oder, the Americans were also getting closer, and every man was needed at the front.

On 15 February I had gone with my comrade Hinnerk Otterstedt to a cinema in Bad Schwartau, and when we got back to the field positions at Cleverbrück at eleven o’clock our comrades were all ready to march back to barracks. We packed our things quickly and then marched back to the Cambrai-Kaserne, where we exchanged our old kit for new and gave away everything that was not absolutely necessary. I packed my personal stuff and had it sent to an acquaintance in Lübeck.

Then we marched in formation singing loudly to the railway station. Now that we were going into action, we were filled with enthusiasm. We were all young potential officers, most of us corporals, and 18 years old, and we could not wait to get out there. None of us would have believed that the war would be over and lost in the next three months and that soon, many of us would no longer be alive.

We were loaded into goods wagons and set off at last at dawn. We had been discussing whether we would be going east or west. Now at last we knew; we were going east. By midday we had reached Hagenow in Mecklenburg. Next day we reached Berlin and then Potsdam that same evening. Here we detrained and went to a barracks. Next morning we were inspected and issued with rations for the journey, weapons and ammunition. In the afternoon we could walk out. I went with Warrelmann and Gessner to the Garrison Church and then to the Palace. A few days later there was a heavy bombing raid in which much of the town was destroyed.

From Potsdam our journey took us to Werbig. The nearer we got to the front, the more heartily we were greeted by the inhabitants, who all hoped that we would be able to stop the Russians at the Oder and throw them back.

From Werbig we marched via Friedersdorf to Dolgelin, where the command post of the Division ‘Berlin’ to which we now belonged was located. We were assigned to the Officer-Cadet Regiments ‘Dresden’ and ‘Potsdam’. Together with 15 comrades from Lübeck, I went to Regiment 1234 ‘Potsdam’, where the others were from various training courses and officer cadet schools.

We marched to Sachsendorf, where our battalion commander, Captain Albrecht, greeted us. Sachsendorf lay in the Oderbruch, a completely flat landscape. We looked for something to eat in Sachsendorf, as our travel rations were long gone. At a bakery we each got half a loaf fresh from the oven, then sausage from a butcher’s, and tobacco from a pub.

I sat down apart from my comrades in a roadside ditch, ate my bread, smoked my pipe and wrote a short letter home to my parents. It was my birthday. I was 19 years old.

The front line was still about four kilometres away. Several Russian fighters and ground-attack aircraft appeared in the cloudless sky, but soon fled when our own fighters appeared. Our divisional commander gave a speech: ‘It is the Führer’s wish that the Lebus bridgehead be eliminated as soon as possible. Not without reason, our best regiments are here, and you can be proud to belong to these regiments.’

That evening we had to go to Rathstock, immediately behind the front line, to dig trenches. We left our packs with the company quartermaster-sergeant, taking only the absolutely necessary items, such as weapon, haversack and rations. We did not even take our washing and shaving kit, believing that we would be coming back.

That night a long convoy of carts removed potatoes and grain from Rathstock, which had been completely evacuated of its inhabitants. The Russians heard the noise and started laying down fire on the road, but long after the convoy had gone. We were marching silently forward in our ranks when several explosions bringing vile smoke suddenly struck quite close to us, and we vanished into the roadside ditches like lightning. As the explosions gradually got closer, our enthusiasm disappeared. Eventually Ivan quietened down and we could continue on our way. We had survived our baptism of fire well.

In Rathstock, which had been badly damaged by the shelling, we reported to the battalion command post. However, it was now two a.m., so we were no longer required to dig trenches. Instead we could take it in turns to sleep while some of us kept watch.

The battalion command post was located in the Rathstock manor farm, the only big farm in the area, and surrounded by small buildings. The Russians could naturally assume that soldiers would be accommodated in these buildings, which is why they shelled them from time to time. The previous day observers had established that the enemy were bringing forward reinforcements and an attack was expected, which is why we were being kept in reserve at the manor. We had to keep watch for two hours and then could sleep for four. I stood watch in the morning and had a good view of the area from a window on the first floor. However, I did not see any Russians, as we had snipers out firing at a range of 600 metres. I had just finished my watch when the Russians fired on the manor farm again. Hit after hit struck home, and gradually the building began breaking up. We had gone down into the cellar and were waiting for the firing to end, but it seemed that this would be the end of us instead. The cellar ceiling started to crack and chalk fell down on top of us. Another hour of this and we knew for certain that we would be buried under the rubble.

I had nothing left to smoke and so borrowed eight cigarettes from Hinnerk Otterstedt. I never got to return them. At last, when nothing was left standing of the building, the Russians stopped firing.

That evening we went into the front line and were divided up among several companies. Otterstedt, Hintze, Bebensee, Thode, Schoone, Meieringh and Borstelmann went to the neighbouring company, while I stayed with Gessner, Warrelmann, Erhardt, Bücklers, Pohlmeyer, Krahl, Gillner and Pfarrhofer in 4 Company, where our company commander was Second Lieutenant Reifferscheidt, and my platoon leader Staff Sergeant Lauffen.

The further forward we went, the heavier was the machine gun fire. Explosive bullets were going off all around us. We would get to know their horrific effect later. They were exploding with loud bangs in front, behind, near to and above us in the trees. We came to a communication trench that we had to crawl through on all fours and eventually reached the front line without casualties.

The company command post was in a dugout about two by three metres and one metre high. The company commander greeted us and divided us up among the platoons. Warrelmann and myself went to 2 Platoon. The position ran through a wood. There was no through trench system, just a foxhole every 12 to 15 metres. The Russians were about 30–40 metres in front of us. On the left of our position was a stream about eight metres wide, which was the Alte Oder, a tributary of the Oder River. A railway embankment formed our right-hand boundary. We were dug in on one side of the stream, Ivan on the other. That is where the company commander sent me first. My hair stood on end when I heard that the Russians were so close. We could only talk in whispers. Every sound from the Russians, every loud-spoken word could be heard clearly. Hand grenades were being thrown night and day, and casualties sustained here every day. Fortunately a machine gunner was needed on the left flank and I got the job. I was lucky, for several days later when the Russians attacked, no one survived on the right. I got my machine gun and moved across to the company’s left flank, where I became the link man to the neighbouring company.

However, there was not much to be seen of our wood, as nearly all the trees had been reduced to stumps by the shelling. Branches and twigs lay around on the ground and were used by us as camouflage.

The other bank of the Alte Oder on which Ivan sat was higher than ours, so the Russians could always overlook us, and we dared not leave our foxholes during the day. I was paired with an old, front line-experienced corporal, Albert Schimmel, who had been in the Russian campaign since the very beginning. He showed me all the tricks that we newcomers had to learn. He had dug himself a hole about 1.60 metres long, 80 centimetres wide and a metre deep, but there was already ground water in the hole, so we constantly had wet feet. I had been issued with a camouflage suit in Sachsendorf that was very warm and rainproof. The weather was pretty bad; it rained a lot, and several times we had snow.

My feet froze and we never had a chance to tend to them. We could not leave our hole because of the snipers, who fired often. At night I had to make contact with the right-hand man of the neighbouring company every two hours.

When I went to make contact the first time, I became so lost in the dark that I could not find my way back. I came up to the Alte Oder and the Russians heard me and opened fire. I sought cover from their machine guns in a shellhole, but this was not so comfortable when hand grenades started coming over. Fortunately Ivan soon quietened down again, but the shellhole was full of water and I had to lie in it for about five minutes, getting soaked through. My teeth chattering, I carried on, cursing, until I made contact with the neighbouring company, which was only about 30 metres away. To my delight, I found Bernhard Meieringh there with Otterstedt and Pohlmeyer lying to his left. I said I would visit them again next day.

No one was allowed to sleep at night, and there were only four hours sleep in daytime, as we had to stand eight-hour watches. Thanks to plentiful cigarettes and good rations, we did not suffer too much from fatigue during the first few days. The body still had reserves, which, however, were soon used up. There was always something going on at night, hand grenades flying here and there, rations and ammunition being issued. There was no movement at all in daylight, as the whole area behind the front line was under observation by the Russians.

I did not have to keep watch that morning and so could sleep, but I was frightfully cold in my wet uniform. Albert Schimmel had dug a small hole next to our foxhole, covered it with beams and lined it with straw, where I lay now. Albert had given me his greatcoat, but I still could not sleep. My clothes dried out slowly. Then punctually at 12 o’clock the Russians resumed their midday concert, plastering us with mortar fire as we crouched down in our dugout.

After about half an hour the firing eased off and Albert lay down to sleep, while I wrote a letter to my parents. Now and again a shot would whip past whenever one of us moved incautiously.

That evening I went back to our neighbouring company to see Meieringh. The first thing he told me was that both Hinnerk Otterstedt and Pohlmeyer were dead. Pohlmeyer had left his foxhole and been shot in the head by a sniper. Otterstedt had gone to help him and been shot too. So now after only two days we had already lost two dead, and when I spoke to Warrelmann and Bücklers later, they both said the same thing: ‘Will I be next?’

Thoroughly depressed, I returned to our foxhole and told Albert Schimmel about it. He commented that they would not be the last.

I was then supposed to go back to the company command post and pick up the rations, but as I did not know my way around in the wood, Albert volunteered to go for me. I waited half an hour, an hour, but he did not come back. The Russians were firing again with all calibres, and we were not saving our ammunition either. I was firing at their muzzle flashes with my machine gun.

As Albert still did not return, I reported to the platoon leader, who sent off the platoon runner, Heinz Warelmann, to find him. Albert had been shot through the arm. As Albert’s replacement, I got Sergeant Gillner, who had been posted into the company at the same time as myself.

There was no opportunity for us to get a wash or a shave. Gradually we became more relaxed, not ducking with every shot or explosion. You became hardened to it all, you got used to this kind of life and just faced up to whatever was coming. After a while, the effects of fatigue began to show. My face had fallen in and the fat that I had accumulated in the peaceful days of Lübeck was soon gone. But the rations were quite good. Every day we got half a loaf of bread and something to put on it, and every evening we got something from the field kitchen, although it was always cold.

The Russians shelled us regularly at noon, so that we could practically set the time by it. Werner Bücklers was wounded by one of these bombardments when he failed to reach the bunker fast enough, getting a splinter in the thigh.

By the time we had been out there three or four days, the third one of us Lübeckers, Bernhard Meieringh, had been killed and Bebensee wounded in the neighbouring company. We had not yet been a week at the front and had already lost three dead and two wounded.

Whenever the weather was favourable, the Russian fighters and ground-attack aircraft came and dropped bombs and fired their guns. However, they did not bother us much, as these attacks were mainly directed to our rear. The Russians resumed their concert punctually on 2 March, but much more heavily than before. When the bombardment had gone on for over half an hour and started intensifying, we knew that an attack would surely follow. There was a frightful noise out there. I sat in the bunker with Gillner. There was a howling and banging with splinters whistling around and striking the tree stumps, branches flying about, sand and muck flying everywhere, and a hot smell in the air. In between, one could hear the cries of the wounded. At last, after nearly two hours, the firing stopped abruptly. Then we knew: ‘They are coming now!’

The next moment the Russian rifle and machine gun fire opened up, mixed with the ‘Urrahs!’ of the Ivans. The Russians leapt over the railway embankment on our right without encountering serious resistance. Only a few of us had survived the bombardment, which had been particularly heavy in that sector, and those that could not flee were soon overwhelmed by superior numbers. I could hear the din of the advancing Russians on the right, but could see none of them because of the wood. Nor could we leave our positions, for we had to expect the Russians coming across the Alte Oder in front of us. They kept advancing and were soon behind us. They encountered little resistance from Rathstock and had soon taken the village. This made us uncomfortable, for the Russians were now in front, behind and on either side of us. They continued to advance and were only stopped just short of Sachsendorf.[4] Our neighbouring company had withdrawn and we were now cut off.[5] Heinz Warrelmann, our platoon runner, brought the order to withdraw, and we assembled at the company command post. Our platoon was now 26 men strong.

The greatest difficulty was getting out of our holes unseen. The Russians had naturally identified each hole and closed in around us. Of our four, Gillner and myself were the lucky survivors. Covering all sides, we came to the edge of the wood. What we then saw made our blood run cold. Thousands of Russians were streaming past unhindered, tanks, guns and carts, all going west. They were only 200 metres from us and had no idea that we were still in the wood, believing that we had retreated.

Staff Sergeant Lauffen gave the order not to open fire on any account, as it would only give us away. We dug in and waited for evening. The rest of the company was about 300 metres north of us and we could only communicate by runner.

Second Lieutenant Reifferscheidt ordered our platoon to break through with the company at nightfall. A reconnaissance party had found a position that appeared to be only weakly occupied and that was where the breakthrough would occur. When Second Lieutenant Reifferscheidt sent his company runner, Grenadier Reiffen, to us, he got lost in the wood and did not find us for quite some time. Meanwhile the company of about 60 men had split up.

Now our platoon was on its own and no one knew which way the company had gone. Nearly all the buildings in Rathstock were on fire and, although we were about 600 metres away, it was as light as day.

Before breaking out we destroyed everything that could hinder or betray us; without tent halves,[6] haversacks, messtins and gasmasks. We only had our rifles as we left the wood when it was fully dark. In front was Staff Sergeant Lauffen, then the company runner, Grenadier Reiffen, Sgt Krahl, myself, Sgt Gillner, Heinz Warrelmann and then the remainder of the platoon. We could expect to be spotted by the Russians at any moment and be fired upon. Not a word was said. At first we went through the wood, then crossed a road and came to a field that gradually sloped up to Rathstock.

Suddenly we were called upon in the middle of the field: ‘Halt! Hands up!’. Twenty metres in front of us was a heavy Russian machine gun. They had seen us and immediately opened fire. Standing we would all have been killed, so we threw ourselves down, but we could not return the fire without hitting each other.

What now? Turn back? But that would offer the enemy a much better target. The Russians had dug in and were hard to see. However, before we could make up our minds, shots started landing among us and we had to lie still. It was frightening lying there, unable to shoot back. The Russians were using explosive bullets. I could see the shots exploding around us, and muck and sand was blowing into our faces. I thought: ‘This is it!’ I pressed my face to the ground, not wanting to look any more, and listened and waited for the end.

Then sub-machine guns could be heard firing. None of us cried out. I could not understand it. Were they all dead then? Then Staff Sergeant Lauffen started shouting: ‘Comrades, stop firing, we are wounded!’

The Russians kept on firing. Staff Sergeant Lauffen shouted once more and then was silent. When the Russians reopened fire, I grabbed Krahl by the leg and said: ‘Come on Krahl, fire, fire!’ for he was the only one with a machine gun. He did not answer. I tugged him again. His face dropped from his arm into the sand. He was dead! Carefully I dragged myself toward Gillner. He lay with his head in the sand. I pushed his helmet back and saw his eyes: dead.

Something came flying through the air. Hand grenades! I lay still, unable to move. A hand grenade landed only two metres from me, and I could see the sparks. Then it exploded. I received a tremendous blow on my helmet, the blast taking my breath away, and sand pattered down around me, but I was not wounded. Apparently a splinter had struck my helmet, leaving a dent behind. The helmet had saved my life.

Several more hand grenades followed, then it was quiet. Then someone moved up in front. ‘Now they are coming,’ I thought, ‘but they are not going to get me alive. Before I go, I will take someone with me!’. Preferring to sell my life as dearly as possible, I took the pin out of a hand grenade and was about to throw it, when I saw that it was Grenadier Reiffen. With his small body he had found cover behind Staff Sergeant Lauffen and so remained unwounded. ‘Come on, back!’, he said.

Then someone came crawling up from behind. It was Harry Warrelmann. ‘Gerd, are you wounded?’ he asked.

‘No, are you?’

‘Yes, four times – chest, stomach, bottom and thigh.’

‘Come on, back!’ I said, but he replied: ‘No, it is pointless, I won’t get through. But when you get to Delmenhorst again, please visit my parents and tell them what happened.’

I said: ‘Nonsense, you are coming back!’

But he shook his head and said: ‘Greet my parents.’ Then he crawled off.

Reiffen and I crawled cautiously back. The Russians could not have seen us moving or otherwise they would have got us. All the comrades lying there were dead. Once we had crawled about 30 to 40 metres, we ran back to the wood, bent over at first but then upright, as we knew that there were no Russians there. We went back to the company command post and smoked a cigarette.

Now the hopelessness of our situation became clear. All around us were Russians and more Russians, the nearest Germans being four or five kilometres away. I thought that my end had come. I thought of my home and my loved ones, who would now be sitting safely in an air raid shelter. There was another air raid on Berlin going on, for although it was 70 kilometres away, we could hear the firing of the anti aircraft guns. Next day, the Russians would search the wood and find us. I did not want to surrender, as I had often heard that the Russians killed their prisoners. Suddenly we heard voices. Reiffen and I cautiously looked out and then realised they were German. It was another six men from our platoon that had come back, having failed to get away. Some were utterly despondent and wanted to go over to the Russians. The chances of getting through were very slight, but we decided to try anyway.

Meanwhile it was already one o’clock in the morning, so we decided not to break through north of Rathstock, the way the company had gone, as the Russians would have been alerted there, but to try a route south of Rathstock.

We came out of the wood and reached the road and hid in a couple of shellholes to observe the traffic. The Russians were passing only ten metres from us and we could hear every word they said. Many were singing and trucks were driving back and forth. The sky was overcast, but the moon still broke through a gap in the clouds.

When there was a pause in the traffic on the road for a moment, we worked our way forward to the roadside ditch and prepared to run across. To our horror, we saw Russians digging in only a few metres away from us. They were so eagerly engaged that they did not notice us, but we would have to go back.

Then a horse-drawn cart came along the road. We lay in the ditch with our faces pressed to the ground, hardly daring to breathe. The cart went past only a few metres from my head, a marching column following behind. We dared not stay lying there, as they would surely have seen us, so we stood up and walked along with the cart as if we belonged to it, but then the moon came out from behind the clouds and the cry went up: ‘Germans!’

We ran off as fast as we could across the field, the Russians firing wildly at us, but not hitting us, as we took cover in shellholes. We could see the Russians silhouetted against the burning village as they surrounded the field, but we all managed to slip out through a gap in their cordon.

By now the Russians had been alerted and we had to be more careful. It would soon be morning and the horizon was getting lighter. The cloud cover had broken up and the moon was shining uninterruptedly. We decided to look for a hiding place until the next evening and try to break through again when the Russians had settled down. We found a hiding place in a turnip shed, where we lay down on the turnips and covered ourselves in straw. After a short while, I realised that the cold was making my limbs stiff. I consulted with the man next to me in a whisper, and we decided to look for another hiding place.

We were just about to leave when some Russians approached and, after deliberating for a while, started digging a shelter only five metres from us. We had to stay. I was freezing and my legs had gone to sleep.

After we had been in this precarious situation for about an hour, I suddenly saw a Russian approaching our shed and go to where Reiffen was lying. Had he found him? The Russian only wanted straw for his dugout and removed it from where Reiffen was lying. In a flash, Reiffen thrust his sub-machine gun into the Russian’s face. The Russian shouted and stumbled back, alarming his comrades. We ran as fast as we could out of the shed and across the fields. Again we had been spotted. Now the Russians were fully awake, running here and there and firing in the direction we had taken.

It was getting lighter in the east. We needed to settle down in a farm for the day. Then, about three kilometres away, we saw streaks of fire like comets into the sky and the explosions immediately afterwards. Rocket launchers! There were obviously Germans over there. We decided to go together and try to break through to them. We marched on toward the rocket launchers.

Suddenly we were called upon: ‘Stoi!’ There was a foxhole in front of us and we came under fire from a sub-machine gun. Fortunately, there were some shellholes to provide us with cover. The bullets whistled past our ears, but when we returned fire, the Russians ran away.

We made a detour and marched on toward the southwest. It was nearly daylight. We were about to cross the road from Rathstock to Sachsendorf when one of us suddenly called out: ‘Stop! Mines!’ Our eyes had been on our surroundings and not on the ground or our feet, and now we were in a nice mess. We were in the middle of a minefield. All around we could see the places where our sappers had buried their mines. We hardly dared breathe, thinking that we would be blown to pieces any moment. They often put anti-personnel mines between the bigger Teller mines intended for tanks and trucks, and connected them with wires so that the slightest movement would set them off. Crawling on all fours, we worked our way out centimetre by centimetre.

The minefield had delayed us for a long time and now it was full daylight. Right next to the road was a farm, alongside of which were four potato sheds arranged in a square. We established ourselves in these sheds with a man on watch on each side. The others could sleep.

Once the sun had come up, one of the sentries spotted a tank with its guns pointing toward us about 3–400 metres away. Was it German or Russian? Then we saw two men come out of the farm, one of them limping and leaning against the other. One of them had a gas mask case, so they must be German. They disappeared again into a farm next to the tank.

In order to reach that farm we would have to pass two others, the first about 100 metres away. We ran as quickly as we could to it, aware that it could have been taken by the Russians, but it was unoccupied, as was the next. The occupants had left some hours before and the cows were bellowing with pain in the stalls, as they had not been milked, but there was nothing we could do about it.

The house into which the others had gone was still lived in. A woman was crying interminably. One of the soldiers was wounded, so we bandaged him up and took him to the tank. The tank crew had seen no Russians. We were through!

It is impossible to describe our joy. No one could possibly understand what we had gone through, who had not been through it himself. We had wandered the whole night among thousands of Russians, often only a few metres apart, had fired at each other, been recognised, and yet had broken through.

The company had also managed to get through with only two lightly wounded out of about 60 men. In total, we had lost 16 dead out of our platoon of 24.

We now had only one desire; to eat something and then sleep, nothing but sleep. Later, we were taken by truck to our company supply section in Sachsendorf. The Russians were already firing on the village. Our company quartermaster-sergeant first attended to our stomachs and then we could sleep, but when we stretched out on the straw in a cellar I found that I was simply too tense and stressed to fall asleep. At last I got some sleep, but then immediately we had to go back into the line again.

We had hoped for a few days’ rest, but the new front line had to be formed and this required every man. We were sent forward – without tent halves,³ mess tins, gas masks or haversacks.

The Russians had been stopped behind Rathstock, and between Sachsendorf and Rathstock was open meadowland through which the front line ran. Our platoon position was about 100m from the last house in Sachsendorf and we soon received reinforcements. Our new platoon commander was Staff Sergeant Buchal, a lawyer from Breslau.

During the first night (3/4 March) we dug our foxholes and during the following night crawling trenches were dug between the individual foxholes and later deepened until the trench system was complete.

The Russians had not dug trenches but were occupying the buildings in Rathstock about 400 metres away.⁴ During the next few days we collected doors and straw from the ruined and deserted buildings. The doors we used to roof our dugouts, putting two at a time on made us safe against mortar fire, although not against a direct hit.

We were now getting our food regularly and on time. At dusk the wagon would come up the road as far as the front line. At first I would have to go back to the wagon to eat as I had no mess tins, but then I borrowed a mess tin lid. After the meal, ammunition was issued and the wounded and dead were taken back. The badly wounded were taken back straight away.

As soon as we had finished constructing our position, the company was replaced. In the meantime, we had gone on to build alternative positions, communication trenches and saps. We now got a not-so-well constructed position to the right of the road, where the same digging had to continue. A company of our battalion that had been in reserve replaced us in the old positions.

One day while fetching food, I met Jürgen Schoone from Lüneburg, who had been with me in Lübeck. He was now occupying my old dugout. Several days later I asked a member of his company for news of him and was told that he was dead. He had been sitting out a barrage in the bunker and had been killed instantly by a hit. If we had not been relieved a few days earlier, I would have been the one to be killed.

We expected the Russians to push their front line forward, so every night men were sent out to keep watch about 300 metres in front of our trenches. Each platoon would send a man. It was quite an uncomfortable feeling, spending four hours completely alone only 100 metres from the Russians. I always dug myself a shallow scoop to lie in. You began to freeze after a short while, despite the thick winter clothing. Everyone on this duty got a quarter litre bottle of schnapps, which was fine against the cold, but made you feel tired. The Russians also had men out but, fortunately, I never encountered one. I was always glad when my four hours were up.

Once we had completed this position we were again moved to another position about a kilometre further south. This position was quite horrible, for only 50 metres separated us from the Russian snipers, who made things very difficult for us.

Once I was given 24 hours’ rest and went to the company command post, about 200 metres to the rear in a building. During the day I climbed up to ground level and could see far across the Russian lines. That evening we were sitting in the kitchen cooking something for ourselves when the barn suddenly burst into flames. The Russians had fired incendiaries at it. The fire soon spread to the other buildings and we had to flee. Sergeant Münz, a fine, older fellow, was wounded. He was always concerned about me. At night when I returned from the company command post I would walk across the fields rather than use the wet, dirty trenches. Although the Russians were always firing across the area, the chances of being hit at night were remote. But whenever Münz saw me he would complain: ‘Tillery, don’t be so careless!’ However, he was the one that was hit in the brain by a stray bullet. He immediately lost consciousness, but was still breathing when he was taken to the Main Dressing Station that night. I do not know whether he recovered.

After a few days in this position we were moved yet again. We went even further south and each of the three platoons occupied its own farm, which had been developed into strongpoints. The farms formed a triangle and our platoon had the middle one. Only the foundations of these farms remained, the rest having been shot away by the Russians.[7] They had already dug a front line opposite us, and the farms offered the Russian artillery good targets. We had to suffer a lot of shelling and also take casualties.

I shared quarters with an old senior corporal who was a cook by trade. Every night he had to cook in the platoon command post and I would have to stand sentry duty alone. There was no question of getting any sleep, of course, for a lot went on at night. The rations arrived irregularly and always cold. The result was that I, like many comrades, got diarrhoea from the cold food and dirty water. The food was nothing special, there was plenty of bread, but little fat.

Here a Bavarian comrade was severely wounded and Albert Gessner from Bremerhaven was sent to hospital with hypothermia. The company had shrunk considerably during the past weeks and was barely 60 strong. On 15 March the regiment was relieved. We had noticed during the preceding days that the Russians were bringing forward reinforcements and were clearly planning an attack and in fact a few days later they attacked and took Sachsendorf.[8]

Once our relief, a newly established and equipped regiment, had been briefed by us, we marched to Sachsendorf, where carts were waiting to take us to Dolgelin. There we had a few hours free to sleep and, above all, to have a wash, which had been impossible in the positions we had come from.

SOLIKANTE

That afternoon we were taken by trucks to Neu Trebbin, where we stayed until the next morning. At lunchtime some comrades and I acquired two chickens, and the comrade that had shared a foxhole with me cooked them to make a tasty meal. It was just like peacetime for us.

Neu Trebbin lay about ten kilometres behind the front line and had not yet been cleared of its inhabitants, but there was considerable nervousness among them and we were often asked: ‘Can you stop them?’ Although they did not have much themselves, the inhabitants gave us some good things to eat.

In the evening we took a stroll. I even cleaned my boots and brushed my uniform for the event, but my eyes closed on me with the first glass of beer and I went back to our quarters, which were in a barn. I was very tired. I had not had a whole night’s sleep for weeks, at most a few hours during the day. I slept in the hay as if in a feather bed, and no shelling or rifle fire disturbed me.

Next morning the trucks took us on to near Letschin, from where we marched to Solikante, about 15 kilometres north of Küstrin. Our regiment was relieving another one that had suffered heavy casualties here. At first our company was left in peace. We moved into quarters in the Solikante manor farm. The manor itself was burnt out, but the stalls, farm labourers’ cottages and barns were still standing. We made ourselves at home in the cellar of one of the barns, where we could look after ourselves properly for the first time. We received our rations on time and hot. We could also see to our weapons and equipment properly. Finally, we could get some more sleep.

How good it felt, sitting out in the open air in that lovely spring weather, or sheltering in our quarters when it rained. We also found various kinds of food, potatoes, peas, beans and corn, which we cooked and fried all day long.

It was then that I first noticed that my feet had been frozen. Often I could not sleep for the pain, and every step was agony. We had no duties during the daytime except weapon and equipment cleaning, but at night we had to dig trenches in the front line. The Russian air force was very active in this sector, but directed its attention to our rear and did not bother us much.

We were always very happy to get front line parcels with their contents of biscuits, sweets, chocolate, glucose, etc. Unfortunately, this was not very often.

After a week here, we had to take our turn in the front line, which ran between the villages of Solikante, which was in our hands, and Amt Kienitz, which was occupied by the Russians. There were about 400 metres of meadowland between the villages, with the lines running in between. The positions had already been prepared by the previous regiment.

The Russians were about 120 metres away. Our company command post was on the edge of Solikante in a farm that was partially burnt out. From there a trench ran forward to the front line and back to the battalion command post in Solikante. To the right of our company was a unit of Infantry Regiment ‘Grossdeutschland’.[9]

The Russians had driven a sap forward opposite our communications trench to within 70 metres of our trenches, which had a barbed wire fence in front, and had laid mines in front of their positions. Our trenches were only weakly manned with two men every 80 to 100 metres, the distance to the enemy trenches being about the same. The Russians knew this and emerged at night to try and snatch people, so we always had to be very alert.

It was forbidden to sleep at night, and we hardly got any during the day. After dusk in the evening the food carriers would deliver our rations, bringing ammunition and mail with them, but the food was cold. We got three quarters of a litre of soup and half a loaf every day, but hardly any butter or fat to go with it.

I had received my last mail in Lübeck at the beginning of February, and now at last, at the end of March I had some more news, eight letters arriving at once. I had no writing paper left, and although we had asked the company quartermaster sergeant often, we still did not got any. In the end I took some empty pages from books to write on, or searched the abandoned houses for writing paper when I went back during the day.

I was appointed machine gunner. As my number two I had Ivo Pfarrhofer from Vienna, who had been with me since Delmenhorst. At first we were deployed to the right of the communication trench.

Here too the Russians gave us lunchtime concerts in the form of mortars and anti-tank guns. The Russians were firing directly at the trenches, and we had many casualties as a result. As the Russians already knew our positions, we built alternative positions to fire from, and I constructed several firing positions right and left of the communication trench. Often I would fire my machine gun from 30 metres to the right, then run quickly to 50 metres to the left and fire again.

There was a lot of firing at night. The Russians could see our muzzle flashes and fire at them, and we would do the same to them. So it went on endlessly. Whenever I fired, I would promptly duck my head, and sometimes the bullets would whistle only a hair’s breadth over me.

By day, when the artillery and mortars were not firing, it would be comparatively quiet. Now and again a shot would ring out when someone moved incautiously and his head broke cover.

Gradually the supply of ammunition became shorter and, unfortunately, it was not much good. We got lacquered cartridges, which were always getting stuck in the breech. In case of attack, I always kept back a belt of 1200 rounds for my machine gun of which 300 were of brass.[10]

One of us was always on trench orderly duty, usually a section leader. I was always happy to get trench orderly duty, as the time passed quickly. By the time I had gone through the company’s section, my watch was nearly up, but I stayed to chat with everyone, for there was always something to talk about. Often, it took me five hours to make the rounds.

My hole was not just a foxhole like at the previous location, but properly constructed and I had made myself comfortable in it. I had a proper machine gun mounting supported with planks, and we had nailed together a bench. Right next to the machine gun mounting I had a dugout in which we sat under heavy artillery fire so as to be close to our machine gun. The dugout in which we slept when we had a chance, was supported by thick beams. We had found some mattresses and feather duvets in a destroyed house and made a comfortable home that was the envy of our comrades sleeping on straw.

When the days became warmer, we dug a place to lie down in 30 cm deep, lined it with straw and sunned ourselves in it. We had planned it well, but Ivan, unfortunately, still had to be taken into account.

One day I had just finished trench orderly duty and wanted to sleep. It was just before noon and the Russians opened their concert, a short one but unusually heavy. When it was over the cry came: ‘Alarm!’. I immediately ran to my machine gun and peered cautiously through the loophole, but there was no sign of any Russians. Some idiot must have been seeing ghosts, I thought. Two men, Dense and Brunkdorf, started screaming horribly. What had happened? One of them had mistaken a molehill for a Russian lying on the ground and shouted the alarm. Dense and Brunkdorf had run along the trench and were wounded by a shot that went through Dense’s cheek and knocked out some of his teeth, then hit Brunkdorf in the chest and lodged there. Neither wound was serious.

The Russians had placed snipers in the roofs of Amt Kienitz that we could not see. They often sat in the attics from where they could easily see us. If you were not really careful in keeping your head down, you would be seen by them.

One day Sergeant Holst relieved me of trench orderly duty. Hardly any of us had cigarette lighters or matches left, so if you wanted a smoke you often had to go a hundred metres to get a light. I asked Sergeant Holst to bring me one on his way back. A long time past and I became impatient, as I wanted to have a smoke and then sleep. In the end I went to look for a light myself. About 30 metres from my dugout was a spot that was very damp, as a result of which it was only 60 centimetres deep, and it was there that I found Sergeant Holst. He had been shot in the head and was dead. A few days later Sergeant Behrensen, a nice chap, fell at practically the same place, also shot through the head. Both had been careless and had let their heads appear above cover, were seen and shot.

I was nearly killed myself one day as I was going back through the communication trench to the company command post. The communication trench was also very damp in parts and had duckboards in these places. There was a puddle about two metres long between these duckboards and all those wanting to cross it would make a run up and jump across, but it doing so they naturally had to stand up straight and could be seen by the Russians. The Russians had noticed this and fired at this spot. When I came up to it, I slipped on the wet grating and landed about 20 centimetres short of the next one. At the same moment an explosive bullet whistled past a hair’s breadth from my head and exploded right in front of me. If I had not slipped, it would have hit me.

One night when all kinds of things were happening, Ivo Pfarrhofer was standing at the loophole. I had already fired a burst and was down in the dugout fetching another belt of ammunition, when suddenly I heard someone moaning and calling my name. I called Ivo but got no answer. I found him at the firing point. He had been wounded in the throat and paralysed. He was taken back to the company command post straight away.

Each section had a man watching the Russian lines through a trench periscope. Once when I was doing this the periscope disintegrated around my ears. It had been spotted by the Russians and a bullet had gone right through it.

One night when Sergeant Singer brought up the rations, he heard an unusual sound as if someone was cutting the wire. He went on as if he had not noticed anything and put the food container down, then went back and saw three Russians cutting through our wire by the light of a Verey cartridge. Unfortunately his sub-machine gun jammed and the Russians got away.

As a replacement for Ivo Pfarrhofer, I got Josef Wieser, a 35 year-old Bavarian. He was a decent chap, but unfortunately we did not get on well. He spoke in a dialect that I simply could not understand.

Although the situation was serious and our casualties too, we did not let it get us down. Every morning as soon as it was light, I would make my way to the company command post to report my ammunition state, singing loudly and strongly enough for Ivan to hear.

With our supply section was a crazy guy, whose name I have forgotten, who went around wearing a frock coat and top hat as a symbol of his individuality. He had the German Cross in Gold and was one of our most successful snipers, having shot over 130 Russians. He used to sit in a barn about 300 metres behind the lines and a man from the company would observe for him. Whenever he saw a Russian, the sniper would shoot him. One day I reported as the observer and was scanning the Russian lines through binoculars when I saw a dog running around about 600 metres away. I told him and he hit it with his first shot.

We had to suffer a lot from the Russian anti-tank guns firing at our positions. One day a direct hit killed Corporal Pestel in his dugout and wounded two others. The Russian heavy artillery fired mainly at our rear, thus sparing us. Even their air force, which was very active in this area, left us alone. There were always Russian fighters, bombers and ground-attack aircraft in the air attacking the rear. Once a German Focker-Wulf fighter appeared and manoeuvred behind a Russian aircraft flying back and shot it down. The Russian baled out.

On the other hand we often had to endure Russian ‘bombers’ at night. They would glide over our trenches about 100 metres up and drop hand grenades and bombs on us. We could see these antiquated biplanes quite clearly. I often fired my machine gun at the ‘Sewing-Machines’, as we called them, but they were indestructible.[11]

At night a reserve section was employed digging trenches behind the front line as a fall-back position should the Russians break through. One evening as the reserve section was coming from the company command post into the farmyard, they received a direct hit from a mortar bomb and all eight were injured, some seriously.

It was now the beginning of April and often proper spring weather. Once I was detailed off for potato-peeling to the company cookhouse located in a farm about two kilometres behind the lines. One day on the food-carrying detail I met Schammy Thode from Wesermünde, who had been with me in Lübeck, coming out of the company command post. We were now the only two left in action from our course there. Six were dead, five wounded, and one was in hospital with hypothermia.

We did not see or hear much of our artillery and air force, but rocket launchers fired often to the south of us, near Küstrin. Occasionally our artillery would fire a few shells at the Russians opposite, who would retaliate by giving us an incessant plastering.

By the end of March our reconnaissance aircraft had already confirmed that the Russians were reinforcing their troops and bringing forward more materiel. By the beginning of April we could hear this activity for ourselves. We could constantly hear tanks, trucks and singing. The Russians must have concentrated vast numbers of troops, and it was obvious that they were about to make a big strike toward Berlin.

We were getting ever more casualties, were not being relieved for weeks on end, and were exhausted. The Russian fire got stronger every day, while our own artillery was firing ever more sparingly, which meant that they were short of ammunition. Consequently the Russians were able to make their preparations for attack undisturbed.

The first attack came on 14 April. At 5 a.m. we heard the Russian mortars firing and seconds later the bombs fell on us. There was a howling and a banging, splinters whirled though the air, wounded screamed, and in between came the ratch-boom of anti-tank guns, the howling of anti-aircraft guns and hammering of machine guns. It was as if all hell had been let loose. After a few seconds we could not see five metres with the smoke and swathes of powder blowing in our faces. I sat in my dugout with my face pressed to the wall, waiting for the firing to stop. It only lasted ten minutes, but what had happened to our trenches in this time was beyond description. You could only wonder that you were still alive. What had been a properly constructed trench system was now a shallow scoop in the ground. The shells had completely shattered the trenches.

But then came the second instalment. The enemy rifle and machine gun fire started up and increased in volume. Pressed close to the ground, we waited for the enemy. That he would be coming now was certain. Suddenly the infantry fire eased up and a brown mass welled out of the Russian trenches. At the same time our own fire opened up, but even as many Russians fell, more came out of their trenches. Soon the first of them reached the trenches to our right with their cries of ‘Urrah!’ and broke into the communication trench. They then began rolling up our trenches. About 50 of them burst into the communication trench and more we coming all the time. We had to move ourselves. However, the way to the company command post was cut off, so we first went left and then back by another communication trench. But this trench was almost completely destroyed, offering us hardly any cover when the Russians opened fire on us, and my number two, Josef Wieser, was killed.

There was still a reserve section at the company command post, which now offered resistance to the Russians and checked their advance, enabling us to get away. But the reserve section was unable to hold the Russians and the company command post was lost. We occupied Solikante village, gradually amounting to about 40 men, supported by a machine gun section. Completely out of breath, I took up my position in a roadside ditch. Staff Sergeant Buchal lay in the ditch opposite. He called across: ‘Tillery, have you got a cigarette?’

However, I only had tobacco and paper, so I slung my tobacco pouch across to him, but he too was out of breath and simply not ready to roll a cigarette, so I carefully rolled one for him and threw it across.

Meanwhile the Russians were busy sacking our company command post. We worked our way back toward it slowly and Second Lieutenant Reiffenscheidt gave the orders for a counterattack. I was wondering how we could throw back the ten times more numerous Russians. Would they mow every last one of us down? But orders are orders. We reached the communication trench exit about 200 metres from the command post and could see the Russians moving about. Then we charged. On the command, we ran forward loudly shouting ‘Hurrah!’ Once we got going, there was no stopping us. We charged full of enthusiasm, firing as we went, and it did not matter when my machine gun jammed. I tugged at the cocking handle, but to no avail. What could I do? Lie down and clear the jam? No, I could not do that either. So I charged on, not firing, but shouting all the louder. I was a bit to the left. Some of us went round the farm on the right, some straight into the farmyard and several, including myself, round to the left. The Russians sought safety in flight.

We thought that they had all left the farm. I turned and ran toward a liquid manure cart that stood in the corner of the garden. Suddenly there was a revolting smell from the manure cart as several bullets went through it right next to me. Twelve Russians were standing not more than ten metres from me in an extension to the communication trench, where previously a mortar had stood. One of them pointed at me and shouted something. At that same moment some comrades came out of the farm and threw hand grenades. Instinctively I pulled the trigger and the machine gun fired, all 50 rounds going off without jamming, as I aimed at the centre of the group. Some fled, but six lay there and two others only made it a short distance. I put in a fresh belt, but the gun refused to fire again.

Meanwhile my comrades had charged round the farm and we thrust forward again along the communication trench. The Russians promptly sought out their old positions and we reoccupied ours. The breach had been cleared. The Russians had suffered heavy casualties. We counted at least eighty dead. Apart from equipment, we captured one heavy, two light and several sub-machine guns. I took one of the latter. We too had suffered casualties; several dead, including Sepp Wieser, and several wounded. Second Lieutenant Gold, who had only just received his commission a few hours before, had been wounded in the charge. He had gone on ahead alone and screamed terribly when he was hit in the lower abdomen.

The Russians remained quiet for the rest of the day. We were relieved during the night. Shortly beforehand Sergeant Behrensen was killed by a shot to the head. The company was now only 48 strong, even though we had received several replacements.

The unit that replaced us was well equipped, combat experienced and rested. In contrast we had lost some of our weapons, were fought out, exhausted and filthy. In any case the relief was absolutely necessary and it was a stroke of luck to be relieved the day before the Russians’ main offensive began.

The new troops arrived at the front line early on the morning of 15 April. We gave them a quick briefing and then marched back, happy to be out of that dangerous corner and not envying our reliefs their task, but we did not know that the Russians would be rolling over them 24 hours later. So we came to the rear positions that ran about three kilometres behind the front line.

Behind us lay the village of Altfriedland, in which there were still many civilians, most of them farmers. After several strenuous and wearying weeks, we were hoping to be able to have a proper break. First we saw to our weapons, then we could take care of ourselves. Once we had had a good wash we felt as fresh as new.

We were occupying a position that ran along in front of a manor farm and so did not have to crouch down in the trenches all the time, but lived in the buildings and took to the trenches only in an alert. At last we had time to write home. Many of the comrades’ homes were in areas already occupied by the Russians or Americans, and news was reaching us only very sparingly at the front. I had read in the Armed Services Report that there was some heavy fighting in front of Bremen, but hoped that my letters would get through to my parents. Few of my parents’ letters had reached me recently, and a lot of mail was not reaching its destination because of the many air attacks.

During the afternoon we worked on our position and at night we could sleep for the first time in weeks. However, one man from each platoon had to stand guard for half an hour at a time. The duties were given out and I got from 0330 to 0400 hours. I went to bed early in the straw that we had put down in the cellar and slept as if on a feather bed until it was time for my guard duty. This was the last time that I would have a whole night’s sleep for weeks.

THE RUSSIAN OFFENSIVE BEGINS

I got up at 0330 hours, still half asleep, and took post, but did not have to be as alert as in the front line. It was very misty. I made the rounds of our quarters, and at ten to four woke up my relief and was happy that I could now sleep into the morning.

As I was going back down into the cellar, I heard the well-known sound; ‘Flup, flup’ coming from Ivan. He was firing his mortars. I took this to be the morning concert and carried on down. The first Russian salvos fell on the front line, but the hits started coming closer until they started landing in our vicinity. But there was more to it than that, more than the usual morning concert. Our building received several direct hits. Ivan was laying a violent bombardment down on us. Hit after hit followed the discharges and the din that came from their anti-aircraft and anti-tank guns and heavy artillery too could be heard.[12] Then the runner came from the company command post: ‘Alert! Take post immediately!’

I reached the trenches, jumping from shellhole to shellhole under the heaviest fire. The earth was being ploughed up systematically, one crater overlapping the next. The trenches were already suffering and beginning to cave in. One of the comrades from my section was wounded with a splinter in his backside.

On the 14th, two days previously, I had thought it was the real bombardment, but what the Russians were giving us now was far, far worse. I did not think that anyone could survive. Every bit of earth was being churned over. I jumped in the holes where there had already been an explosion, as every soldier knows that no two shells land on the same spot. The minutes stretched into hours. At last after three hours the firing eased up and moved on behind us, but we knew that the second part was on its way. Now we could shoot back again, being no longer exposed to the shelling.

Men were running back from the front line, in a state of shock and without their weapons. Panting and trembling, they called out to us: ‘Ivan is coming!’

Only a few had survived the shelling in the front line and been able to flee from the Russians, who were following close on their heels. One could not see them as it was so misty that you could hardly see ten metres, but you could hear them. The ‘Urrahs!’ were getting louder. I had handed in my machine gun for repair the day before because of the constant jamming, so Staff Sergeant Buchal sent me back to the company command post to get it. I found it, although the place was deserted, but when I came out again I could hear Russian voices in the immediate vicinity, and could not go back. The Russians had already reached our trenches. There was only one way out and that was to the rear. I ran westwards as fast as I could, but I had my heavy machine gun to carry. Apart from this, I had a box of ammunition, the Russian sub-machine gun, my pistol, hand grenades and all my equipment on me. Clearly I could not run very fast. The Russian voices were getting closer and soon they would be catching me up. I had to discard something. First went the Russian sub-machine gun, then the hand grenades went into the dirt, then the ammunition box, and finally I wanted to throw the machine gun away.

Suddenly I heard called from behind: ‘Stoi! Ruchi verch!’ The machine gun flew away in a high curve. I tugged at my ammunition pouches, but could not get them off. As I turned around I could see the outline of my pursuer, who already had his rifle up to his cheek. Then he lowered it again. ‘Damn it, Tillery!’ he said, ‘Bring the machine gun with you!’ It was no Russian, but a comrade from my platoon, Hans Kaldekowitz, who had a head wound. When the Russians arrived, they had not been able to get away in time and were overrun. Then they had mixed in with the advancing Russians and gradually got ahead. Later a large part of the company was to meet up again.

The next line was the rear defensive line, which ran between Sietzing and Klein-Neuendorf behind a four metre-wide ditch with 400 metres of open field in front of it, a very good defensive position.

Meanwhile the Russians had penetrated Klein-Neuendorf with their tanks. At the last minute some civilians escaped laden down with bundles of their possessions. The sun dispersed the mist at about 1000 hours and we could see the tanks. The anti-aircraft battery behind us then opened up and shot several of them. Here I met up again with several of my company, who had taken up position on the road to Klein-Neuendorf. It remained quiet in our area until about noon, although the sunshine had brought out the Russian ground-attack aircraft and fighters. The Russians had broken though in the neighbouring sector and we could see their tanks and trucks about two kilometres to the north. They were overcoming all resistance with the mass of their tanks and the following infantry were occupying the ground.

For a short while we had to occupy a sector further south. I went past a dugout that opened toward the Russians in which a soldier was sitting. I had gone past about 50 metres when it received a direct hit from an anti-tank gun. I went back to help the soldier, but he had vanished, having simply been blown to pieces.

As we were in danger of being surrounded, we had to move back again during the course of the afternoon. We could see how far the Russians had progressed from the columns of smoke rising in the sky wherever they were. In Wuschewier, to where we withdrew, we stopped for half a day. Then during the night of the 16th/17th we retreated again without getting a moment’s sleep. Everywhere on the streets one could read the message: ‘Berlin remains German!’

During the evening we prepared a new position but it was hardly finished when we had to withdraw again. We could only withdraw with difficulty, for the Russians had spotted our retreat and were trying to stop us with artillery fire.

The following morning, the 18th, we occupied positions on the north-eastern edge of Neu Trebbin, where our regiment gathered. Only 34 assembled, all the rest being either dead, wounded, captured or missing. Our company was still comparatively strong with about ten men remaining.

We deployed ourselves in front of the village. The Russians soon arrived and made an attack, coming to within a few metres of our positions and we even captured one. Suddenly the four self-propelled guns that had been supporting us vanished and now the Russians started coming at us with tanks. As we could hardly defend Neu Trebbin with less than forty men, we withdrew. We already had two men killed and several wounded in the village.

We withdrew about three kilometres over open fields until we came to a canal about ten metres across that ran between Neu Trebbin and Gottesgabe, and here we deployed once more. The self-propelled guns from Neu Trebbin reappeared in our support but, when the Russians attacked with tanks in big numbers, they had to be blown up as they were unable to cross the canal.

We pulled back to another ditch, where we were stomach deep in cold water, as otherwise the Russians would have seen us. My camouflage suit was soaked through and running with water, and I still had to carry my machine gun and box of ammunition, so I took off my padded trousers and threw them away; after all, it was spring. I could hardly get out of there. With every step my feet sank deep in the mud.

The Russians soon spotted us and brought the ditch under mortar fire. One bomb landed in the ditch and killed three men, including Corporal Kalteis. Then we had to cross an open field. The Russians were firing even when individuals crossed, using mortars – and accurately. At the end of the ditch lay a man wounded in the leg, who asked me to help him across. Although mortar bombs landed close, we managed to get across unscathed.

Then we came up against the military police and everyone who had a weapon had to go back into the line, but staff clerks and supply personnel were allowed to go, a factor that did little to raise our fighting morale.

I had become separated from my unit again. Although I knew that they were close by, the military police refused to let me find it. I was given a confused, thrown-together section to deploy along a line of trees in front of Gottesgabe. We had communication to the rear by means of a runner. When I sent a runner back with a message, he failed to reappear. I sent another runner back with the same result, so I went back myself to find out what was happening. I did not find a soul. They had all gone back without telling us.

A unit of 15 and 16 year-olds of the Hitler Youth had made an attack from Gottesgabe and been driven back with heavy casualties. I was deployed with my section along the eastern edge of the village. During the night the Russians thrust their way into the village with tanks and we had to withdraw.

We deployed again about 200 metres west of Gottesgabe. Suddenly about forty men came toward us. We opened fire, thinking they must be Russians, and by the time we discovered they were Germans, two of them were already dead.

At dawn on the 19th we occupied a position on the heights on the edge of the Oderbruch. It was a good position and we could see far over the valley. As it became light, we could see the Russians with masses of tanks and thousands of soldiers in and around Gottesgabe, and we were only a hundred strong. Slowly the tanks and the soldiers started moving. When they came to about 200 metres from us, we opened fire from the heights.

The Russians immediately started digging in while their tanks moved up. Then the tanks fired on us, later also mortars and anti-tank guns. When the fire became stronger, we withdrew, for the Russians had already bypassed us on either flank.

During the withdrawal I became separated again from the rest of my regiment, but then met up with five other men from my company. Properly formed units no longer existed, for they had either been split up or wiped out. Many had fallen. We six reported to the commander of a light anti-aircraft battery that had been deployed on the eastern edge of Ihlow. We deployed ourselves about 100 metres forward of the battery in a ditch that ran past a grocery. The village had been evacuated of its population only a few hours before. For once we could eat well; everything we longed for we found here. Abandoned cattle were roaming about everywhere.

When the first Russian tanks appeared the 20 cm anti-aircraft guns opened up and shot up several of them. As the Russians closed in on the village, we moved to the western edge, where there was a large manor farm, behind whose enclosing wall we took cover from the heavy shelling. We were also constantly fired at by low flying aircraft, and soon the Russians came in sight. Karl Danzer was severely wounded by a mortar bomb that exploded close to us, getting a splinter in his stomach. Once the Russians had crossed the road leading to Strausberg, cutting our line of retreat, the guns were blown up. Once more we were surrounded as we had been the day before, and would be again in the days to come.

That evening we withdrew under cover of darkness through a wood. Altogether we were about 60 men. After we had marched about four kilometres, we came to a road running east-west, along which trucks were driving westwards. We infantry marched with the battery commander, a lieutenant, at the head of the battery. The battery commander thought that this was a retreat route, but I noticed that nearly all the trucks had sloping radiators, and we did not have any like that. I reported my misgivings, but he told me off, saying that he was the commander and knew best. He had taken over the battery only the day before, after the previous commander had been killed. However, when trucks went past packed with singing soldiers, it was clear enough to me that they were Russian. I told my regimental comrades – there were now six of us – and we slipped back to the rear of the battery. To the left and right of us were ever thicker pine woods. Suddenly came some shouting and then the voice of the battery commander: ‘Don’t shoot!’

We could hear Russians shouting from in front and like lightning we vanished into the woods. The battery was captured virtually intact and now I realised that the commander was German but fighting on the Russian side and presumably a member of the National Committee for a Free Germany.[13]

Two men from the battery had come with us, so now we were eight. We forced our way through the dark woods toward the southwest. After we had been going for about three hours we came to the the village of Gross Wilkendorf, near Strausberg. We did not know if it was occupied by the Russians, so we crept cautiously up to it through an orchard, but could hear no voices. Then we heard the sound of an engine and someone calling out, so we knew that there were Germans here. As we entered the village, we saw a truck moving out with a heavy gun in tow. We appeared to be the only living beings in the village. We went into a house and had something to eat. We found enough food, for the inhabitants had moved out only a few hours before.

We moved on again. There was an ambulance at the other end of the village, but it suddenly drove off as we came up to it. There had been a field hospital in the school here that had been cleared. However, Karl Meinhardt was able to swing himself aboard as it set off. I ran along behind, but the vehicle was increasing speed. Karl stretched out his hand to me and I was able to grasp his fingers. He pulled me in and for a short while we were safe, although separated from the others. We were dropped off just short of Strausberg.

We then looked for a house a bit off the road where we could sleep for a few hours, but were soon disturbed by the sounds of tank gunfire, so again there was no sleep, and we had been almost a week without it. We debated whether to report to an infantry unit or to do as most troops were doing and simply make our way back. We decided on the latter and to try and get a day to relax and sleep in at long last. We had not washed or shaved for days, and looked more like vagabonds than soldiers. Our uniforms were encrusted with mud, and my hair had not been cut for weeks. The experiences of the last few days were etched in our faces. We had become pale and hollow-cheeked with dark circles under our eyes. When I happened to see my face in a mirror, I was shocked by my appearance. I certainly did not look like a 19 year-old.

We had only been going a few minutes when we were rounded up. A unit of 15- and 16-year-old Hitler Youths had deployed here, even though not all were armed. All soldiers going past were being rounded up by them and taken into their ranks. There were hardly any machine guns, but one thing you had to give them was their spirit, which was something seldom seen. They simply could not wait for the Russians to come. They knocked out several Russian tanks at ranges of four or five metres, and when the Russians realised that the resistance here was particularly strong, they brought up more tanks as reinforcements. Although the youngsters suffered severe losses, we only withdrew when the Russians came at us from three sides.

We then occupied a village that lay in a valley.[14] But here too we soon had to move, as we were too weak. We then occupied the high ground around the village, although some of the youngsters remained behind armed only with Panzerfausts[15] to knock out the Russian tanks. Whenever they succeeded they would return with happy faces to pick up fresh Panzerfausts. Nearly all were dressed in brown shirts, short pants and a much too large helmet. But as many tanks as they destroyed, the more took their place. There were at least ten Russians to every German soldier. As soon as the tanks had taken over the village, they turned their guns on us and inflicted more heavy casualties. Meanwhile the Russian infantry had caught up.

Suddenly we heard ‘Urrah!’ cries to our rear, so once more we found ourselves in a trap. We withdrew, hardly 30 of us, and somehow we met up with German soldiers again. The Russians had advanced a considerable distance to the north of us and we could hear heavy firing from there, but to the south it was quiet, so we headed in that direction.

After we had been going for some hours through a wood that had big swamps in it, we came to a road leading to Rüdersdorf. There, hundreds of vehicles were streaming back, all to the west. It was the night of 20/21 April and the vehicles had driven into each other so that they could neither go forward nor back. At last we got some sleep in a school, where we lay on the hard floor until morning. Then we carried on along the Frankfurt/Oder road to Berlin.

Karl Meinhardt and I had had enough of this marching, so we simply swung ourselves onto a field howitzer going past and had ourselves carried along, thus becoming separated from our unit. There were constant hold-ups. The road was over-filled with vehicles and refugees with handcarts, prams and horse-drawn wagons. The Russians were pressing so hard that we were unable to stop and deploy. At Hoppegarten the flood came to an absolute halt. Here, immediately before Berlin, the Russians had to be stopped.

There were some military police standing at a crossroads who rounded up all those that were still capable of fighting into companies. Our names were taken down in a pub and then we were sent to our positions right of the main road. On the way Karl and I were invited into a house where the people gave us food and we also took time to have a wash and shave. Strengthened and refreshed, we went on to our positions.

There was a Volkswagen standing by the famous stables[16] and on its mudguard was the armoured bear sign of our division. I asked the Colonel there about our unit and was told that this was our divisional supply column and that the fighting troops had been scattered everywhere. We were the first of our division that they had seen for days. He advised us: ‘Make sure that you get home safe and sound. There is no sense in this any more.’

That evening we withdrew on orders to Mahlnow, a suburb of Berlin, and deployed in a cemetery. The trenches were already dug, and we were reinforced by Volkssturm[17] and a police battalion.

The Russians continued to push their way forward slowly. When they came up against resistance on our right, where the police were, they plastered us with mortars. Our company commander was a gunner second lieutenant with no previous infantry experience.

Karl Meinhardt became the headquarters section commander and I the company runner. For a week now Karl and I had had no regular meals, so the company commander sent me off to scrounge something. I rode a bicycle back and came to a school where the ladies were cooking, and got two milk cans full of food. Once I had satisfied my hunger, I rode back to the company with the milk cans hanging from my handlebars. As I came up to the company bullets suddenly started whistling past my ears, so I turned sharply into a sidestreet. I then had to carry the cans forward through the houses.

During the afternoon of the 23rd the Russians thrust forward again. The police battalion occupying the neighbouring sector departed without informing us, leaving that flank open. The Russians used this opportunity to close in on us. We pulled out as soon as we recognised the danger. The company on our left had also pulled out. Fortunately, there was still a way out open.

The company commander sent me off to re-establish contact with the company that had left just before us. I had gone about 200 metres when I suddenly heard voices coming from a side street. I stopped and listened, as night had fallen and I could not see anything. Russians were coming along the street. I stayed where I was and called to the company commander to come over, but he misunderstood and walked straight into the Russians at the crossroads. Some that still offered resistance were shot down by the Russians and others taken prisoner.

More Russians arrived. If I had opened fire, it would have been suicide. When they got to within 20 metres of me, I ran off. I could hear Russians shouting and singing everywhere. After I had run about three kilometres I met up with our supply section. I was completely exhausted.

PANZERGRENADIER

In front of me were trucks, tanks, guns, all fleeing to the west. I went on for a few more kilometres. There was a traffic jam when we came to a crossing over the railway.[18] I had had enough of marching and asked the commander of a tank if I could have a ride. I had hardly slept in the last few days and had travelled over a hundred kilometres. My eyes kept closing with fatigue and I was footsore. The commander of the tank, Second Lieutenant Lorenz, allowed me to climb aboard, and now the journey went faster.

Several hours later, after being held up by numerous traffic jams, Second Lieutenant Lorenz ordered the tank to stop. The crew had been in action for weeks with little sleep. We lay down somewhere in a hallway and slept well into the next day, 25 April.

It had been dark the previous night and we had seen very little of the city. When I came out into the open air I was astonished to see that we were in the middle of Berlin in a shopping street with several large buildings all round us. We were bombarded with questions from all sides by the inhabitants. Their electricity supply had failed, all sorts of rumours were circulating in the city and no one knew anything for certain. The place was like an ants’ nest.

The Russians had thrust past Berlin, and many people were trying to get out of the city, but I gave it no thought. I felt myself quite safe. I could see what weapons there were around and that there were sufficient supplies for months. That Berlin would fall within the next ten days, I would never have believed.

Second Lieutenant Lorenz asked me if I would stay with them as an escort infantryman, a panzergrenadier. The tank was a 38(t), a Czech model known as the Hetzer, which had made quite a good name for itself; it was small and manoeuverable, very fast, had a 75 mm gun and a machine gun. The crew consisted of four men: commander, gunner, driver and radio operator. There were also four panzergrenadiers attached with the task of defending the tank in close-quarter combat. Two of their panzergrenadiers had been killed in action. With my arrival we were a trio.

The tank was part of the Panzer Division ‘Schlesien’. Only a few tanks of this division were still in action. We first looked for our regimental headquarters, driving up and down through Berlin.

We went past a big warehouse and saw large packing cases being removed. Second Lieutenant Lorenz sent me in to scrounge something. I got a large box with bottles of wine, schnapps, liquors and sekt, something for everyone. I also found a copy of the Völkische Beobachter,[19] which had the headlines ‘The Bolshevik horde’s attack will founder on Berlin’s walls’, ‘The Führer is with us’, and so on. The newspaper was only half the size of a normal newspaper sheet. Having found regimental headquarters, we were tasked with securing a street, but nothing happened. Then in the afternoon we had to secure another street, but again heard nothing from the Russians. I went off on the scrounge, as we had had nothing to eat all day. There were soldiers wandering around all over the place, but no kind of order. There were hardly any proper units left, just stragglers everywhere and no leadership. A soldier asked me for a cigarette. I had plenty, having been given 300. In exchange I asked him for something to eat and he gave me seven cans of pork, one for everyone with the tank. I went back and we opened the cans with our bayonets. Meanwhile the Russians had brought up their artillery and started firing, at first sparingly, into the city. I ate my meat sitting on the steps of a burnt-out building, the other two panzergrenadiers were leaning against the tank and the crew sitting inside. Suddenly there was a roaring in the air and I saw forty to fifty Stalin-Organ rockets coming toward us. These rockets had a diameter of 10.5cm, as I later discovered, and left a fire trail behind them. I vanished into the building like lightning at the same moment as the rockets crashed down around us. Stones, dirt and dust clattered down around me. When the dust cleared, I saw where the rockets had been aimed: the tank was buried under about two metres of rubble with just the top showing. The ruined buildings had collapsed and fallen into the street, burying the two panzergrenadiers alive. The entry hatch had been left open, but no one inside had been badly hurt. They had bruises and scratches, and everything inside was covered in thick dust. Fortunately the engine was still intact and the driver was able to drive out of the rubble. I too was thickly covered in dust and had some minor scratches. My pork was now inedible, of course.

Next day, the 26th, we had a day off, as the tank urgently needed overhauling and cleaning. We could stretch out on a lovely plot of land in western Berlin and relax while the mechanic saw to the tank. It was lovely spring weather with greenery everywhere and the fruit trees in blossom. We made ourselves comfortable on our nice plot of land and could sleep undisturbed and wash ourselves properly in peace. However, next day we would have to go back into action.

Meanwhile the Russians had completed their ring around Berlin and we no longer had any communication with the west. From now on the Russians fired on the city with all calibres of artillery, while aircraft dropped their bomb loads on us. One risked one’s life going out on the street. Everywhere buildings and vehicles were burning and dead soldiers lying around. The water supply had collapsed and the population had to queue for hours at the few pumps as the shells fell, killing women and children.

Next day, the 28th, we went to the Tiergarten, where the regimental headquarters were located. Our tank parked close to the Victory Column (Siegessäule), where all hell was let loose. The Russians had worked out that our heavy artillery must have moved into the area, for they had fired a few times, and now were bombarding the area with artillery, mortars and bombs. As the firing intensified, I ran across to the Victory Column, under which there was a cellar, where I felt relatively safe. The Russians were already at the Brandenburg Gate, which I could see from there. There were four 37mm anti-aircraft guns near the Victory Column, but no longer firing, and Russian bombers were flying over at 200 to 300 metres in close formation without being fired at.

The firing continued to intensify and we could not afford to stay any longer. We drove off westwards along the East-West Axis. I preferred to run alongside the tank rather than sit aboard, as there was no cover on top. But as the tank could be seen by the aircraft, Second Lieutenant Lorenz drove ahead and waited for me. Suddenly a squadron of nine twin-engined bombers flew right over us and dropped their bombs in our immediate vicinity, so I took cover in a shellhole.

That night we were able to sleep again, with everyone taking turns at one hour of sentry duty. We moved into private accommodation in Mommsenstrasse, which was mainly undamaged. The inhabitants pestered us with questions, and when we said that we were looking for accommodation for the night, they mustered round us. However, we did not get much sleep, as during the night we received orders to go back into action. We were sent to Wilmersdorf, where we had to secure Barstrasse, where it led off Mecklenburgische Strasse. Our tanks stood at a crossroads and covered toward Mecklenburgische Strasse. Behind us were some shops, a small lake with a bridge going over it, and beyond it a cemetery and a crematorium. The Russians were already occupying the other end of the street.

Suddenly a T-34 appeared. Our gunner had spotted it and it burst into flames with the first shot. Meanwhile the Russian infantry could be seen in the buildings, so we had to withdraw over the bridge to the cemetery.

On 30 April we changed position again to the Margarinehaus on the Hohenzollerndam, where there was also a Mark IV tank from our regiment. In the Margarinehaus were thousands of civilians who had lost everything in the last few days, mainly women and children. There were no supplies and the children were crying for bread. Unholy chaos reigned. There were also many soldiers here, and the Russians were only 100 metres away.

On the afternoon of the 30th we moved back to Fehrbelliner Platz, where there were some large administrative buildings. Most of the city was now in Russian hands and we were being pushed in closer together. The Russian artillery fire was steadily increasing and the city lay under constant bombardment. For days we had not had any sleep and there was no longer any warm food to be had. We would have to see how we could survive. Nevertheless, we did not go hungry, for the civilians, with whom we were always in contact, kept giving us snacks. However, these were the worst days in my experience, for in the front line one knew where Ivan was, but here we had always to be ready for surprises. Often we would be in a building and a little later the Russians would come and bring the windows and cellar exits under fire.

For instance, at one crossroads a soldier was killed by a shot in the head and lay there dead just a few metres away, but no one knew where the Russians were. I disappeared quickly into the entrance of a building, and how I was able to come out again without being shot at, I still don’t know.

That evening I was in a building opposite the Margarinehaus. The Russian fire had diminished and the inhabitants had come up out of their cellars. A woman brewed me a cup of tea and gave me a few biscuits. As if in normal peacetime, I was sitting in an armchair in her sitting room, although the Russians were only 30–40 metres away. Suddenly I heard our tank and a machine gun firing. The Russians were attacking again. Fortunately it was very dark and I was able to cross over to the Margarinehaus. We withdrew back to Fehrbelliner Platz again.

During the night the Russians were able to close in on the Margarinehaus from three sides. Our Mark IV was also there and could not withdraw, because it was not known which streets were occupied by the Russians. On the morning of 1 May, Second Lieutenant Lorenz sent me to look for a way out for them. ‘Don’t miss anything, though!’ he said. At first I tried to reach the Margarinehaus via Eisenzahnstrasse. I ran across and was shot at by a Russian anti-tank gun, but was saved by diving into a cellar entrance as the splinters smashed into the wall above my head. Then I tried again via Cicerostrasse and Nestorstrasse, but I was spotted in both of them and shot at. The only route remaining was via Osnabrücker Strasse.[20] I ran from cellar entrance to cellar entrance and when I had to cross an open space, I opened fire on the Russians. There was not a single German soldier to be seen anywhere around. The last stretch was over open ground, but I was not shot at as I had expected, and I covered it at the run. I reported to the commandant of the Margarinehaus, a lieutenant colonel who had already given up hope of further contact with the outside world. There were now some 800 men in the building and when I explained to him that there was still a chance of getting away, he immediately ordered the building to be cleared.

The Mark IV tank had left during the evening and driven back. I had now to return to my tank, which was about 300 metres away. Explosions, bangs and whistles were going on everywhere and I was only about 100 metres from my tank when suddenly a shell howled close by. I instinctively dived for cover, but too late. I was intending to take cover behind a window sill, but the blast caught me and blew me on top of it instead. At the same moment I felt a burning pain in my upper left arm and in my rear. I felt around with my right hand and found blood. I had splinters in my right arm and rear. I hobbled into the building, feeling quite numb. After shouting several times, someone answered from the cellar and two young girls of about 18 came up and took me down into the cellar, where they applied first aid dressings. After about half an hour, I hobbled back to the tank. Second Lieutenant Lorenz let me sit aboard and took me to the battalion command post, where the medical centre was located, and there I was bandaged properly.

This was hardly finished before Second Lieutenant Lorenz came for me and took me to report to the battalion commander. The battalion commander commended me for what I had done and awarded me the Iron Cross Second Class. As the doctor who had bandaged me was afraid I might get tetanus from my wounds, I was given an anti-tetanus injection. Shortly afterwards I developed a terrible itch that got worse and worse, and then I lost consciousness.

I was taken in the tank to an emergency field hospital in a cinema. When I came to again, I was lying on the floor of the cinema with a frightful itch and a terrible thirst. The nurses had removed my weapons, as no one was allowed to keep them in hospital. Several hours later, after I had been through some hallucinations and stumbling around, Second Lieutenant Lorenz came to see me. He wanted to say good-bye to me and said: ‘I would have liked to have kept you with us.’ Then he shook his head and said: ‘Tonight we are going to break out to the west to the Americans.’

‘And what will happen to us remaining here?’

‘Berlin will be surrendering in the morning.’

No, the Russians were not going to get me. ‘Sir, I am coming with you, even if I have to tie myself to the tank. I am not stopping here!’

He grinned and said: ‘Alright, then!’

Those comrades that were coming with us supported me as I hobbled to the tank. The rear of the tank sloped a bit and I could hold on. The engine was beneath me and it was quite hot. Suddenly the woollen blanket I was wrapped in because of my fever caught fire.

During that night of 1/2 May, all available vehicles were deployed for an attack to the west to force a way out of the encirclement. In fact the troops fought with contempt for death, for they knew that the only possibility of getting away from the clutches of the Russians was by driving them back about ten kilometres. But only a narrow corridor was fought free, less than 100 metres wide, with the Russians on either side of it. The latter quickly brought together all their guns and mortars to bear and waited for us to come. Naturally, they were expecting us to try and break out.

The stream of vehicles rolled incessantly along this corridor to the west. Our tank was one of the last, as we had to secure the rear. Thousands of vehicles forced their way along this one free route. Ever more vehicles forced their way along, were shot up and caused traffic jams. We came through Spandau, which was already occupied by the Russians. A vast number of the inhabitants decided to come along with us to the Americans, telling us what chaos the Russians had caused. More and more vehicles fell out, and panicky confusion reigned on the streets. Thousands of dead lay around amid the burning vehicles and constant shelling. The wounded cried out for help, but no one heeded them.

In Spandau the stream of vehicles had to cross a bridge over the river.[21] The Russians were sitting only a few metres away and brought down everything possible to inflict more casualties. The bridge was already half destroyed by artillery fire and only one vehicle at a time could cross, but thousands wanted to. Every man opened fire on the Russians. Hundreds of dead and wounded lay in several layers on top of each other. At first there were twenty men clinging to our tank; all but four were shot off.

The route went on via Staaken. While there had been ten thousand wanting to break out through Spandau, there were now hardly a thousand at Staaken, and only a few hundred left when we came to Döberitz. We crossed the Döberitz Training Area with a Russian biplane keeping an eye on us and warning of our coming.

Our force was getting smaller and smaller. We saw no more infantry, only three Mark IVs and three Hetzers and several armoured personnel carriers were still together. Suddenly our tank stopped and refused to go any more. I was able to get aboard a Mark IV as our tank was blown up. The crew stayed behind. We then drove through a Russian artillery position before the Russians realised it and were away.

When we came to about 20 kilometres from Brandenburg, we went through a village that was swarming with Russians. This village lay deep in the Russian rear, the front being far distant. In any case the Russians had never expected us to appear here, but before they could recover from the shock and get hold of their weapons, we were away again. Then we had to drive round a corner and, as we drove round slowly, a fat Russian came out of a house on the corner and pulled up his sub-machine gun and started shooting at us. I already had my pistol out and fired back. As we turned the corner there was a sudden bang and I flew in a high curve off the tank. It had received a direct hit from an anti-tank gun and burst into flames. I thought to myself: ‘If you don’t want to be caught here, you are going to have to play it cool.’

But where should I go? There was thick smoke all around me, and a few metres away was a ditch with a bridge leading over it, so I hid myself in the reeds of the ditch until it was dark. Then I went further along through the reeds. The ditch opened out into a reed-lined lake. With two other soldiers that I found in the reeds, I stayed here four days. We hid ourselves in a willow bush. The ground was so wet that puddles formed whenever you put your foot down. None of us had anything to eat. I developed a high fever and was unable to think clearly about continuing our flight. It was very cold at night and my clothing was wet, so with the fever, no food, and Russians all around, there seemed no point in hanging on.

After four nights I was so weak that I could not last out any longer. Nearby was a farmhouse a little apart from the rest, at which I asked for something to eat. I was given some bread, a few potatoes boiled in their jackets, and a pan full of milk. The farmer’s wife also gave me a civilian suit, quite an old thing, but I put it on. I sank my uniform in the lake together with my pistol, medal, papers and letters. Then I slept in the hay for a few hours.

Next morning, 7 May, I set off with one of my comrades. Although every step was painful and I was still very weak, we left the farmhouse in good heart and marched off to the west. As far as we were concerned, the war was over and we hoped to get back home soon.

Unfortunately it did not work out this way and one and a half years in Russian captivity were to follow.