Yellowfang’s Secret

Chapter 19

“Are you sure about this, Yellowfang?”

Yellowfang shifted on the leaves that covered the floor of Cedarstar’s den. The Clan leader had summoned her there as soon as she returned from talking to Raggedpelt.

“I want to be certain that you have thought through this decision,” Cedarstar went on. “I need to know that you haven’t been scared by the WindClan skirmish, or troubled by the hunger. This happens every time leaf-bare is longer and colder than usual, and even medicine cats don’t have the power to feed the Clan.” His tone was unexpectedly kind. “Sagewhisker believes this is your destiny,” he added. “Do you believe that, too?”

Yellowfang nodded. “I’ve thought hard about this, Cedarstar, and I truly believe it’s the path I’m meant to walk.” She hoped that she wouldn’t have to talk about the way she shared pain with every cat in the Clan.

To her relief, Cedarstar said nothing about that. “I’m pleased that Sagewhisker has found an apprentice,” he meowed. “And you must never feel your time and training as a warrior was wasted. You’ll be in a better position to understand how quickly warriors want to heal!” His warm gaze rested on her. “Good luck to you, Yellowfang. I know Sagewhisker will be an excellent mentor.”

Dipping her head to the Clan leader, Yellowfang rose and left the den. Cedarstar followed her out, leaping onto the Clanrock and yowling a summons to the Clan. Yellowfang stood at the base of the rock, feeling as if the gaze of every cat was fixed on her as they emerged from their dens with murmurs of surprise at the unexpected meeting. Sagewhisker came to sit right at the front; Yellowfang thought she looked pleased but exhausted, like a cat who had just fought fiercely and won a battle.

“I have good news for the Clan,” Cedarstar announced when all the cats were assembled. “Yellowfang will be Sagewhisker’s apprentice, and ShadowClan’s next medicine cat.”

Utter silence greeted his announcement. Yellowfang’s embarrassment grew; she longed to slink away from all the attention. She had spotted Raggedpelt at the back of the crowd, and she could feel the heat of his glare even from there.

I wish I could tell him that my feelings for him haven’t gone away. But I must follow the code of the medicine cats now, and that means I can never have a mate. The whole Clan must mean as much to me as my own kits would.

Her gaze traveled over her Clanmates, old and young, all of them staring at her. The ground seemed to dip underneath her. Then Brightflower sprang to her paws and bounded up to her, closely followed by Brackenfoot. “This is wonderful!” Brightflower exclaimed, pressing her muzzle against Yellowfang’s shoulder. “The next medicine cat—what an honor!”

“Congratulations,” Brackenfoot added, dipping his head. “I know you’ll do very well.”

Nutwhisker and Rowanberry pushed their way through the cats to reach Yellowfang’s side. Nutwhisker blinked at her with a mixture of wonder and fear in his eyes. “Wow, you’ll be talking to StarClan!” he breathed.

Rowanberry looked hurt as she brushed pelts with her sister. “You were my best friend!” she mewed.

“I’ll still be here,” Yellowfang reminded her. “We can still be friends.”

Rowanberry shook her head. “It won’t be the same.”

Yellowfang felt a wave of loneliness as she realized that her relationship with Raggedpelt wasn’t all that she had lost. But Sagewhisker’s paw tapped her on the shoulder, giving her no time to dwell on what had changed.

“Come on,” the medicine cat meowed. “We have work to do.”

She led the way back to her den. Yellowfang sat down in front of her, feeling rather small and apprehensive. There’s so much I don’t know!

“Your first task,” Sagewhisker began, “must be to control your feelings when other cats are sick and in pain.”

Yellowfang blinked in surprise. I thought I had to do this because I have these feelings!

“I can’t be much help,” Sagewhisker went on, “because I don’t know what you actually experience, but is there any way you can block the pain coming from outside?”

Yellowfang thought hard. “It’s hard to know when it’s not actually happening,” she explained. “But I think I might be able to shut it out if I focus on myself—that I’m healthy, I’m not in pain, and I can treat this cat’s symptoms.”

Sagewhisker nodded. “That sounds good. We can’t test it until there is a cat in pain in the Clan, but you should practice focusing on yourself. See if you can limit your feelings to your own body.”

“I’ll try.” But that’s like asking me to concentrate on breathing. I don’t think about it; it just happens!

“Good,” Sagewhisker mewed. “Now, I want you to clear out the herb store and discard any dead leaves. You can identify what we have and when it would be used, and work out what we need to find in the forest.”

That’s a huge job, Yellowfang thought in alarm.

“But before that,” Sagewhisker went on, “my nest needs more moss, and your nest needs sorting out now that you’re going to sleep here permanently.”

Yellowfang stared at her mentor. “Those are apprentice tasks!” she objected.

“And you’re an apprentice,” Sagewhisker retorted. “I’m going to see how Nettlespot and Cloudkit are, so you can get on with the bedding.” Not waiting for a reply, she whisked out of the den.

Yellowfang clawed at the old nests in a mutinous daze, dragging them out into the clearing in the sharp, frosty sun that gave no warmth. As she bundled up the moss and bracken she heard a cat cough behind her, and glanced over her shoulder to see Foxheart.

“That bedding is so dusty!” the ginger warrior exclaimed with another exaggerated cough. “Can’t you do that somewhere else where it won’t bother the warriors?”

Yellowfang tried to ignore her, but Foxheart hadn’t finished taunting her. “That’s such a boring job!” she went on with false sympathy. “I wouldn’t go back to being an apprentice, no way! Will you have to check the elders for ticks, too?” When Yellowfang didn’t reply, she added, “After all, there are no warrior apprentices in the Clan now. Wow, you are going to be busy!” She flicked her tail at Yellowfang and ran off.

Burning with indignation, Yellowfang dragged the old bedding out into the forest, where she shoved it under a clump of brambles. As she stumbled around in the undergrowth, collecting fresh moss and dried bracken, she felt more and more resentful.

Sagewhisker just wanted someone to do all her dirty work! I never thought my destiny would include this kind of thing! I hope StarClan has a word with Sagewhisker and makes her treat me with more respect!

Puffing under her load of new bedding, Yellowfang returned to camp. Her heart sank when she spotted Lizardstripe standing near the fresh-kill pile.

“Hey, Yellowfang!” the tabby warrior called out to her. “Could you clean out my nest, too? I’d like some more feathers in it, please. And I think the elders would like some fresh-kill brought to them.”

Yellowfang was too tired and cross to answer. She tried to stalk past with her head held high even though she was carrying such a huge bundle. Then she spotted Stonetooth standing outside the warriors’ den.

“Lizardstripe, what are you doing?” he called, his voice annoyed. “You’re supposed to be on a hunting patrol. Frogtail is waiting for you.”

With a hiss of annoyance, Lizardstripe bounded off.

Stonetooth padded up to Yellowfang. “You’re doing great,” he meowed. “Don’t worry, these mouse-brained warriors will get used to this in a couple of days, when something else catches their attention.” He let out a rasping purr. “I think you’ll make a fine medicine cat, Yellowfang. And remember this—when your apprenticeship is over, cats like Foxheart and Lizardstripe will be coming to you for help.”

Yellowfang felt soothed by the deputy’s kind tone and the twinkle in his eyes. “Thanks, Stonetooth,” she mumbled, struggling on with her burden toward the medicine cat’s den.

When she had arranged the bedding into two cozy nests, Yellowfang sat down to take a breath. The huge decision she had made began to sink in. This would be her life from now on. She would be separate from her Clanmates, isolated by her knowledge and her connection with StarClan, and yet she would be the cat they would come to first if they were sick or injured. She began to look around the den, really noticing it for the first time and wondering if there was anything she might want to change. Her gaze traveled over the herb stores. I wonder if we could make a hollow somewhere to store moss for soaking. That would be much quicker than going outside the camp. And we could keep the cobwebs dry if we hung them on the thorns over there.

“Oh, StarClan,” she whispered, “if you can hear me, I think I’m okay with this. I can be a medicine cat, if that is what you want.”

For a heartbeat, she felt that cats with herb-scented pelts were brushing against her, receiving her into the long line of medicine cats who had cared for her Clan for season upon season.

Paw steps sounded behind her as Sagewhisker bustled back into the den. “What are you doing?” she scolded. “Why haven’t you got the herbs out yet?”

“I was just about to,” Yellowfang defended herself.

“Well, you need to work faster.”

Biting back a sharp retort, Yellowfang padded over to the herb stores. With Sagewhisker looking on, she began pulling out the herbs and sorting them into piles.

“No, that’s borage,” Sagewhisker corrected her. “It goes with the other herbs for fever, like dandelion.”

“Okay.” Yellowfang moved the leaves from one pile to another.

“And be a bit gentler with them,” Sagewhisker warned. “Most of this stuff is so dry, it’ll fall apart if you go at it with rough paws.”

Yellowfang’s paws tingled with a mixture of annoyance and embarrassment. She went on sorting herbs, acutely aware of Sagewhisker’s alert gaze.

“How would you use those daisy leaves for back pain?” Sagewhisker asked after a while.

“Er… give them to the cat to eat, and—”

“No!” Sagewhisker interrupted. “Chew them up and make them into a poultice, then fasten it on with cobwebs.”

Yellowfang’s irritation spilled over. “Stop rushing me!” she snapped. “I’ll learn, but you have to give me a chance.”

Sagewhisker let out a snort, but Yellowfang was convinced she looked a little guilty. “I thought you knew more than that,” Sagewhisker muttered.

“How can I?” Yellowfang meowed. “I’m a warrior. I can feel when cats are in pain, but I don’t know how to make them better. I only knew about the willow leaf because I saw you give one to Lizardfang once when he was vomiting.”

Sagewhisker nodded. “Okay, let’s start again. And we’ll focus on herbs that relieve pain, before we think about herbs that cure infection or give strength or stop coughing.”

Yellowfang’s head whirled. There’s so much to learn! Warrior training was much easier than this!

The half-moon hung in the sky like a silver feather as Yellowfang followed Sagewhisker into the hills toward Highstones. Her belly churned with nervousness as she remembered the last time she visited the Moonstone, with Deerleap.

I had such dreadful dreams there… oh, StarClan, please don’t make me go through that again!

She felt nervous in a different way as she and her mentor approached Mothermouth and she saw the other medicine cats waiting outside. Her pads prickled with apprehension; what would they say to her?

As she and Sagewhisker plodded up the final slope, a graceful white she-cat with black spots on her pelt bounded forward to meet them. Her blue gaze rested on Yellowfang with friendly interest. “Greetings, Sagewhisker,” she mewed. “Don’t tell me you’ve found an apprentice at last!”

Sagewhisker shot a proud glance at Yellowfang. “I have, thank StarClan. This is Yellowfang.”

The white she-cat gave Yellowfang a nod of welcome. “I’m Brambleberry, RiverClan’s medicine cat,” she told her. “Come and meet the others.”

Yellowfang padded beside Brambleberry toward the gaping hole in the hillside, while Sagewhisker dropped back a pace. Her gaze traveled over the other three medicine cats. Two of them stood close together: an old speckled gray tom whose pale blue gaze drifted over her without interest, and a younger silver-pelted tom with a plumy tail.

I saw him once at a Gathering, talking to Sagewhisker, Yellowfang remembered.

“This is Yellowfang,” Brambleberry announced as they approached the others.

“My new apprentice,” Sagewhisker added. “Yellowfang, these are Goosefeather and Featherwhisker of ThunderClan, and Hawkheart of WindClan.”

Yellowfang dipped her head politely. “Greetings,” she meowed.

“Welcome,” Featherwhisker responded. “It’s always good to receive a new medicine cat.”

“Th-thank you,” Yellowfang stammered. “There’s such a lot to learn, but I’m glad to be here.”

“Yellowfang.” Hawkheart, a mottled dark brown tom, stepped forward. “You have your full name already, so you must have been a warrior before you decided to follow the way of a medicine cat.”

Yellowfang nodded. Is that wrong? she wondered.

“I was a warrior first, like you,” Hawkheart continued to Yellowfang’s surprise. “I’ve found my warrior training very useful, and I expect you will too.”

“We’re wasting moonlight,” Goosefeather broke in tetchily. “Are we going to stand out here gossiping all night?”

I’m pleased to meet you, too, Yellowfang thought as she followed Sagewhisker into the tunnel.

The cave of the Moonstone was already drenched in brilliant silver light when the medicine cats arrived. Sagewhisker padded over to the base of the stone, and beckoned with her tail for Yellowfang to join her there. The other medicine cats sat down a few tail-lengths away.

“Yellowfang,” Sagewhisker began, “is it your wish to share the deepest knowledge of StarClan as a ShadowClan medicine cat?”

Yellowfang gulped. “It is.”

Sagewhisker’s gaze rested warmly on Yellowfang as she continued. “Warriors of StarClan, I present to you this cat. She has shown great courage in turning aside from the path of a warrior. My pride in her could not be greater. Grant her your wisdom and insight so that she may understand your ways and heal her Clan in accordance with your will.” Beckoning Yellowfang forward again, she added, “Now lie down and press your nose against the stone.”

Fear flooded over Yellowfang again as she obeyed. Her eyes closed and she felt icy cold envelop her. It was as if she were floating in darkness; the stone, the cave, and her fellow medicine cats all swept away.

Then Yellowfang sensed that her paws were standing on solid ground. She opened her eyes, blinked, and looked around. She was in a lush clearing, with a stream gurgling through it and flowers of all colors scattered through the grass. Trees in full leaf surrounded the open space, their branches stirring in a warm breeze that carried scents of growth and abundant prey. Everything was bathed in sunlight.

Yellowfang rose to her paws and stretched. She had expected to find cats of StarClan waiting for her, but she was alone. What am I supposed to do now?

Movement caught her gaze and she realized that a cat was approaching through the trees. When it emerged into the open, Yellowfang saw it was an orange-and-gray she-cat, her fur thick and shining, with bright eyes and a frosting of starlight around her paws. Sheer astonishment struck Yellowfang as she recognized her.

“Silverflame!”

Stumbling a little, she ran forward to touch noses with the cat she had last seen as a scrawny, pain-racked elder.

“Greetings, Yellowfang,” Silverflame purred. “I’m glad that I was chosen to welcome you into StarClan. It is an honor to see you here, and as a medicine cat, too!”

“It’s great to see you, too,” Yellowfang responded, confused. “But I was expecting to see another medicine cat. Aren’t I here to learn stuff?”

Silverflame dipped her head. “Sagewhisker will teach you all you need to know of herbs,” she mewed. “But I—”

“Then you’re going to send me omens!” Yellowfang interrupted, excitement tingling in her pads.

“It doesn’t always work like that.” There was a note of regret in Silverflame’s voice. “More than anything else, a medicine cat needs to have courage in her own instincts.”

Now Yellowfang was even more confused. “But you will visit me, right?” she asked anxiously. “What if I don’t know the answers?”

Silverflame touched Yellowfang’s ear lightly with her nose. “I will always be with you,” she promised, “but you must trust yourself first.”

Yellowfang blinked. “I don’t understand.”

“I will watch over you,” the StarClan cat assured her. “Whatever choices you make, you are not alone. I have faith in you—in your decisions and your destiny.”

As she spoke, she began to fade away, the outlines of her body lost in a glitter of starshine.

“Don’t go!” Yellowfang called.

But Silverflame had vanished, and a heartbeat later Yellowfang opened her eyes to find herself back in the cave of the Moonstone, with the other medicine cats dreaming beside her. She stood up and backed away from the Moonstone, shaking out her fur. She had escaped the terrible dreams of her last visit, but her meeting with Silverflame had been a long way from what she expected. Am I really expected to make my choices alone, without the guidance of StarClan? Yet Silverflame had said she had faith in Yellowfang. If she doubted herself, she would be letting Silverflame down. I will make you proud of me, Yellowfang vowed to her beloved former Clanmate. You’ll see!

Yellowfang teased out a bundle of cobwebs and began hanging them on the thorns to dry. She had been a medicine cat apprentice for five sunrises, and she felt pleased that Sagewhisker had approved her suggestion of what to do with the webs. A sudden pain stabbed into her paw. At first she thought she had picked up one of the thorns from the bush, but when she looked at her pads they were unmarked.

Another cat, then.

Yellowfang turned to see Finchflight limping between the boulders, one forepaw held in the air. She almost called out, You’ve stepped on a thorn, haven’t you? before she remembered that she wasn’t supposed to know about wounds until the injured cat told her.

“What can I do for you?” she asked.

Finchflight glanced around. “I was looking for Sagewhisker,” he told her, then added doubtfully, “but you’re a medicine cat apprentice now, so I suppose you’ll do.”

Thanks for your confidence, Yellowfang thought.

She winced as Finchflight hobbled forward and held out his paw for her inspection. Then she recalled talking to Sagewhisker about blocking out her feelings, and made herself aware of her own paws. They’re all fine. I have no thorns. I can feel smooth earth underneath my pads, nothing else. The pain from Finchflight faded; Yellowfang was still aware of it, but only as a faint trace in the background of her mind. It worked! Now I can examine Finchflight’s paw without my own pain getting in the way.

As soon as she examined the black-and-white tom’s pad, Yellowfang saw the tip of the thorn just peeking out. “That looks bad,” she mewed. “It must hurt a lot.”

“It’s a nuisance,” Finchflight replied, shrugging. “I was supposed to go out on patrol. Brackenfoot is leading a raid on Carrionplace, to hunt rats.”

Yellowfang shivered, remembering the time that she had taken part in the last rat raid. “It’s too bad you can’t go,” she agreed. “Brackenfoot will need every cat.”

She had seen Sagewhisker removing thorns before, so she knew what to do. She licked Finchflight’s paw thoroughly around the shank of the thorn, then tried to catch it in her teeth. But it was driven in deeply, and Yellowfang accidentally closed her teeth on the soft part of Finchflight’s pad.

Finchflight leaped back with a yowl, and Yellowfang felt his pain flood into her own paw again. “I’m sorry!” she gasped.

To her relief, Sagewhisker appeared in the entrance to the den. “What’s all this?” the medicine cat asked.

Quickly Yellowfang explained.

“I’ll take over now,” Sagewhisker meowed with a nod. “But you did exactly the right thing, Yellowfang.”

“Not when she bit me!” Finchflight growled.

Once Sagewhisker had extracted the thorn and sent Finchflight to catch up with his patrol, she turned to Yellowfang. “The thing is not to rush,” she advised. “Just keep licking. If you press your tongue on the outside of the pad around the thorn, it will often come out a little bit, and then you can grab it more easily.”

“Thanks,” Yellowfang mewed. “I’ll remember that.”

Sagewhisker hesitated, then asked, “How did the pain blocking go?”

“It worked really well,” Yellowfang replied. “I had it under control until I bit Finchflight, and then I couldn’t concentrate on keeping out that pain as well.”

Sagewhisker rested her tail-tip comfortingly on Yellowfang’s shoulder. “It will take time,” she murmured. “Just keep trying.”

The sun was rising above the trees as Yellowfang padded across to the nursery to check on Cloudkit. He was obviously in perfect health, wriggling around in the nursery and jumping on pretend mice. “I’m going to be the best hunter in ShadowClan!” he announced.

“I’m sure you will,” Nettlespot purred, looking down at her kit. “He’s completely better,” she added to Yellowfang, who was aware of the new note of respect in her tone. “That willow cured him, just like you said. And he’s grown so much in this last quarter moon!”

“I’m glad,” Yellowfang began. “He should—”

She broke off at the sound of yowls from the camp entrance. At the same moment a wave of pain flooded over her: sharp stabbing wounds as well as the dull ache of scratches.

“What’s that?” Nettlespot yelped, sitting up in alarm and drawing Cloudkit close to her with her tail.

Within a heartbeat Yellowfang forced herself to concentrate on the lack of injuries to her own body, until the pain eased. I am not hurt. The pain is not mine. Once she had it under control, she hurried out of the nursery. Sagewhisker had just appeared from her own den. Side by side she and Yellowfang bounded across the camp to meet the returning cats. Yellowfang could hear the blood rushing in her ears.

My Clanmates are wounded! But I am their medicine cat: I can help them!