Yellowfang’s Secret

Chapter 23

For the first time since Cloudpaw was hurt, Yellowfang got a good night’s sleep. At sunrise she enjoyed a good stretch and gave herself a thorough grooming from ears to tail.

Sagewhisker emerged from her nest and shook scraps of moss from her pelt. “I need to see Cedarstar,” she meowed, “and tell him that you’re ready to become a full medicine cat.”

Yellowfang turned to her, a spasm of fear tingling through her paws. “Please, Sagewhisker, give me the chance to tell another cat first.”

The medicine cat’s eyes narrowed. “You mean Raggedpelt, don’t you?”

Words failed Yellowfang; she just looked down at her paws. How does she know?

“You are bound by the medicine code now. This is how it is for all of us—and how it must be for you,” Sagewhisker prompted, her voice firm.

“Always,” Yellowfang whispered. Without waiting to hear more, she darted out. The first cat she saw was Nutwhisker, ambling over to the fresh-kill pile. “Have you seen Raggedpelt?” she called to him.

“He took a hunting patrol out into the marshes,” Nutwhisker replied. “They haven’t been gone long. You’ll catch up to them if you hurry.”

“Thanks!” Yellowfang raced out through the tunnel and into the trees. Soon she reached the edge of the marshes and spotted Raggedpelt several fox-lengths away. Foxheart was stalking something among a clump of scrubby bushes, while Frogtail and Mudclaw were just visible farther away.

“Raggedpelt!” Yellowfang bounded from one grassy hump to the next, heading for the tabby tom. As she approached she spotted something flickering in the grass and Raggedpelt turned toward her, spitting with frustration.

“Now look what you’ve done! I nearly had that lizard.”

“Sorry,” Yellowfang panted. “But I have something to tell you.”

Raggedpelt’s ears flicked forward. “What? Not Cloudpaw? Is he—”

“Cloudpaw is fine.” Yellowfang paused; it was harder than she had expected to deliver her news. “Sagewhisker is going to make me a full medicine cat at the half-moon Gathering tonight.”

Raggedpelt stared at her. “Are you sure that’s what you want? Haven’t you enjoyed the last few moons with me?”

“You know I have.” Yellowfang sighed. “But healing Cloudpaw has shown me where my heart lies. I must be a medicine cat.”

Raggedpelt took a pace toward her, his tail lashing and his neck fur fluffing up. “You’re throwing your life away!” he snarled. “I thought you’d have gotten over your fixation with herbs and cobwebs by now.”

“You never take me seriously,” Yellowfang retorted, her pain curdling into anger. “You have no idea what it means to be a medicine cat.” Glancing across to where Foxheart had just made her catch, she added savagely, “Why don’t you go and have kits with her instead? She’s always mooning around after you.”

“Foxheart means nothing to me,” Raggedpelt growled. “My whole world is you, Yellowfang, and the future we could have together.”

For a heartbeat Yellowfang could see that future too, and she was drawn to it in spite of herself. But she knew how impossible it was for her to turn her paws aside from the path she had chosen.

“This is my destiny,” she mewed. “You cannot change it.”

“No,” Raggedpelt responded. “But you could.”

Yellowfang could tell by the spring in her step that Sagewhisker was excited as they prepared to leave for the half-moon Gathering at the Moonstone. In contrast, as she checked on Cloudpaw’s wound and made sure he had water and a piece of fresh-kill, Yellowfang felt hollow inside. I’ve lost something so precious… but I can’t abandon my duty to my Clan, not even for Raggedpelt.

“This is so cool!” Cloudpaw meowed, his eyes shining. “We’ll finish our apprenticeships at the same time, Yellowfang!”

Yellowfang nodded. “You’ll be a good warrior, Cloudpaw.”

“And you’re already a great medicine cat!”

Sagewhisker prepared traveling herbs for both of them, and the two cats set out from the camp just after sunhigh. With every paw step Yellowfang felt as if she was leaving part of herself behind. Several of her Clanmates waited beside the tunnel to wish her good luck, but Raggedpelt was not one of them. He stood watching her from the far end of the clearing, and didn’t say a word.

Yellowfang was always slightly nervous at the thought of crossing WindClan territory, even though medicine cats had the right to do so on their way to the Moonstone. To her relief, they saw only one patrol in the distance. Reedfeather, the Clan deputy, was leading it, and he simply acknowledged the two medicine cats with a wave of his tail.

Twilight was gathering by the time Yellowfang and Sagewhisker reached Highstones. The other medicine cats were already there.

“Yellowfang is here today to be made a full medicine cat,” Sagewhisker mewed when greetings had been exchanged.

Hawkheart, the WindClan medicine cat, stepped forward and rested his tail-tip on Yellowfang’s shoulder for a moment. “Congratulations,” he murmured. “As you know, I was a warrior before I became a medicine cat, just like you. I’ve always found it a great help.”

Goosefeather of ThunderClan ignored her, his gleaming, unfocused eyes suggesting that he was away somewhere inside his own head as usual, but Brambleberry of RiverClan pushed up beside the others, her eyes shining and her white pelt gleaming in the dusk. “I’m so excited for you!” she exclaimed.

Yellowfang thanked the two cats for their good wishes, then turned to face Featherwhisker. The second ThunderClan medicine cat was regarding her with the same mixture of wariness and curiosity that he always showed. “Your Clan must be pleased to have a second medicine cat,” he mewed. “I trust all is well with you?”

“ShadowClan is doing fine,” Sagewhisker responded brusquely.

“What about you, Yellowfang?” Featherwhisker commented. “Have you found it hard to change from being a warrior to the life of a medicine cat?”

You don’t know how hard! Yellowfang thought, but she wasn’t about to tell Featherwhisker that. He needs to butt out and mind his own business!

To her relief Sagewhisker saved her from having to reply. “Come along,” she urged the others. “If we hang around gossiping we’ll be late for the Moonstone.”

She led the way up the last steep slope to where Mothermouth yawned in the side of the hill. As Yellowfang made her way down the twisting passage into the heart of the hill, she felt her doubts and heartaches drop away behind her.

I’m going to be a full medicine cat!

The cave of the Moonstone was still dark when they reached it. Only a faint twinkle of starlight trickled down through the ragged hole in the roof. The medicine cats took their places around the crystal and waited. Yellowfang almost let out a squeal like an excited kit when at last the moon shone through the hole and drenched the Moonstone in a cold, unearthly light.

It’s the most beautiful thing in the world! Every time I see it, it still surprises me.

Sagewhisker rose to her paws, stood beside the Moonstone, and beckoned to Yellowfang with her tail. Feeling that her paws would barely support her, Yellowfang joined her at the heart of the frosty light.

Gazing up at the moon, Sagewhisker spoke. “I, Sagewhisker, medicine cat of ShadowClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice. She has trained hard to understand the way of a medicine cat, and with your help she will serve her Clan for many moons.”

Yellowfang felt as if she and her mentor were standing alone in the circle of light while the rest of the world had faded away. She could hear whispers and the soft pad of paws at the edge of the cavern. Were long-dead medicine cats from StarClan here, watching? Yellowfang’s paws tingled at the thought of being part of a long line of cats who had devoted their lives to caring for ShadowClan. The same line she had seen in her dream while treating Cloudpaw. All those cats, sharing their wisdom in support of her!

“Yellowfang,” Sagewhisker continued, “do you promise to uphold the ways of a medicine cat, to stand apart from rivalry between Clan and Clan, and to protect all cats equally, even at the cost of your life?”

“I do,” Yellowfang replied.

“Then by the powers of StarClan I declare that you are a full medicine cat. StarClan honors your courage and your diligence. Now come, touch your nose to the Moonstone, and may all your dreams be good ones.”

Yellowfang crouched down; swallowing rapidly from nerves, she stretched out her neck and touched her nose to the glimmering surface. At once everything went dark, and she felt cold creeping through her as if she were turning into a cat of ice.

StarClan, where are you?

The darkness lifted, and Yellowfang looked around. The Moonstone, the cave, and the other medicine cats had vanished. Instead she was crouching in the clearing where she had first met Silverflame, when she was made a medicine cat apprentice. But now the lush growth of greenleaf had faded; the ground felt marshy underpaw, and a chilly breeze ruffled Yellowfang’s fur.

A few heartbeats later, she spotted Silverflame pushing her way through a clump of fern. “Greetings, Yellowfang,” she began. “It’s wonderful to see you again.”

But in spite of her warm words, Yellowfang could see sadness in her eyes. “Is… is all well with you?” she asked.

Silverflame avoided the question. “I’m very proud of you,” she mewed. “Come, walk with me.”

She turned and brushed through the grass in the direction of the stream. Yellowfang padded at her shoulder, convinced there was something the old cat wasn’t telling her. Silverflame followed the stream until they came to a spot where the current had carved out a wide pool. Silverflame sat on the bank and looked down into the still water.

Yellowfang sat beside her. “Why have you brought me here?”

Silverflame gestured at the surface of the pool with her tail. Yellowfang looked down and saw her own reflection staring back at her, with Silverflame’s reflection beside her. Then she let out a gasp. Behind her, she saw the reflections of three kits, their tiny bodies huddled close together.

Confused, Yellowfang rose to her paws and spun around. No kits were in sight, and the grass wasn’t long enough to hide them. She drew in a sharp breath, but there was no kit scent in the air.

“I saw kits!” she exclaimed to Silverflame. “Where did they go?”

There was a strange, sad knowledge in Silverflame’s eyes, but she didn’t reply. Instead her outline began to fade.

“No!” Yellowfang protested. “Don’t go! I don’t understand!”

Now Silverflame’s body was no more than a shimmer by the poolside. Her voice came faintly to Yellowfang’s ears. “Whatever happens, Yellowfang, know that I am always with you. Trust your instincts. Make your own choice.”

The sunlight was swallowed up by darkness, and Yellowfang opened her eyes to find herself back in the cavern of the Moonstone. The silver light was gone; by the faint starshine Yellowfang could just make out the other medicine cats, all crouched as she was with their noses against the Moonstone. Yellowfang shivered, suddenly overwhelmed by the cold and the blackness. She felt an itch in her paws, an urge to run far, far away, to escape from the questions and the mystery and the responsibility of her new role.

Brambleberry was already awake, arching her back in a long stretch. “That was a lovely dream,” she remarked to Featherwhisker, who was stirring beside her. “I get such great guidance from my StarClan mentor.”

Featherwhisker nodded. “Mine is always quick to point out when I’m about to make a mistake!” he purred.

Yellowfang listened, puzzled. It’s not like that for me. Silverflame told me I have to trust my own instincts.

Then Hawkheart of WindClan sat up. Blinking, he turned to Yellowfang. “How are you feeling?” he asked cheerfully.

“Er… fine,” Yellowfang stammered. Yes, I’m fine, she told herself. I’m a medicine cat of ShadowClan, just as I am destined to be.

The warm sun of leaf-fall shone down, turning the forest to scarlet and gold. Yellowfang and Cloudpelt were collecting cobwebs in a clearing not far from the camp. Yellowfang felt warm affection as she watched the young white warrior pawing the sticky strands from the ivy growing up an oak tree. Though his wound was almost healed, he still moved stiffly, and was only allowed to perform light duties, but he was always the first to offer his help to Yellowfang. She knew his loyalty to her came from the fact that she had saved his life, and she loved him all the more for it.

The bond between us will never be broken.

Yellowfang felt a twinge in her belly and realized that Cloudpelt was stretching too far up the tree in his efforts to reach another cobweb. Gently she nudged him out of the way. “Let me get it,” she meowed. “You need to be careful not to open up that wound again.”

As Cloudpelt stepped back, loud, excited squeals came from the trees at the edge of the clearing. The current apprentices, Nightpaw, Clawpaw, Blackpaw, Flintpaw, and Fernpaw, rushed past and plunged into the undergrowth on the opposite side. They were closely followed by their mentors, Foxheart, Crowtail, Rowanberry, and Scorchwind. Yellowfang suppressed a mrrow of amusement at how flustered all the warriors looked.

“Hey, slow down!” Scorchwind called. “This is a patrol, not a race!”

Cloudpelt rolled his eyes. “Crazy apprentices!”

Yellowfang flicked his ear with her tail. “It’s only three sunrises since you were an apprentice,” she pointed out.

“Ah, but I feel old in my bones,” Cloudpelt responded in a quavering voice like an elder.

A sudden squeal distracted Yellowfang and she looked up to see Blackpaw reappearing from the undergrowth. The white tom was holding a single black forepaw up as he tottered across to her on three legs.

“I stepped on a thorn!”

“Let’s see.” Yellowfang peered at the apprentice’s pads, and finally managed to spot a tiny bramble thorn at the very edge. “Great StarClan, that’s huge!” she mewed, deftly hooking it out with her teeth. She remembered the time she’d bitten Finchflight, pleased that her skills had improved since then. “You’re fine now. Give it a good lick,” she told Blackpaw.

The apprentice swiped his tongue once over his pad, then charged into the undergrowth again. “Thanks, Yellowfang!” he yowled over his shoulder as he disappeared.

Yellowfang realized that Cloudpelt had watched her carefully all the time she was extracting the thorn.

“We’re lucky to have you as our medicine cat,” he meowed. “I’m glad StarClan chose you.”

“It was my choice, too,” Yellowfang responded.

The full moon shed its cold light onto the cats packed into the hollow at Fourtrees. Yellowfang felt the gaze of every single one of them fixed on her as Sagewhisker announced that she was now a full medicine cat.

“Yellowfang! Yellowfang!”

The yowls of welcome rang out around her, mainly from the other medicine cats. Yellowfang’s heart swelled with a mixture of pride and comradeship at the thought that she was one of them, privileged to care for her Clan and to interpret the signs of StarClan for them.

This truly is my destiny!

Then she caught Raggedpelt’s eye. He had not joined in the cheering; instead he was scowling at her. He had hardly spoken to her in the half-moon since she had taken her vows as a medicine cat.

Why can’t he understand, and be glad for me? Yellowfang wondered, shooting him a look that was sharper than flint. If he’s going to be the next ShadowClan leader, I will be his medicine cat, and we will need to lead the Clan side by side. Why can’t he be satisfied with that?

Yet Yellowfang could not stifle a pang of regret for what she had lost. Instead Foxheart clung to Raggedpelt’s side like a burr; she was there now, leaning close to him, whispering into his ear.

It’ll change when he is leader, Yellowfang decided. He’ll just have to accept that this is the way things are.

As Heatherstar began to speak, Yellowfang felt a strange wriggling sensation in her belly. She shifted around among the fallen leaves, trying to get comfortable.

Sagewhisker gave her a prod. “Keep still,” she hissed. “I can’t concentrate on what Heatherstar is saying.”

“Sorry,” Yellowfang muttered.

“Do you have a pain somewhere?” Sagewhisker asked. “Have you eaten crow-food by mistake?”

“That must be it,” Yellowfang agreed.

But she knew what this feeling was. She’d treated enough pregnant queens now to recognize the quiver of unborn babies, even before their mother’s belly had begun to swell. Yellowfang tried to block out the sensation, wondering which of the queens around her could be expecting kits. But the wriggling went on, even though Yellowfang held her breath with the effort to concentrate on her own stomach.

Which meant that these weren’t the feelings belonging to another cat. These were truly inside her belly, kicking and squirming and growing… A cold sensation of dread crept through Yellowfang’s fur.

I’m a medicine cat now! Great StarClan, there’s no way I can have kits!