Criminal Mischief

39

Stone slid into a booth with Dino and Viv at Patroon. “Welcome home, Viv,” he said, kissing her on the cheek.

“Thank you, Stone. I guess I have you to thank for Dino’s tan.”

“I couldn’t keep him out of the sun.”

“I hear you’re off again tomorrow,” Dino said.

“Why is it you and everyone else knows about my travel plans before I do?”

“It’s our job,” Viv said.

“Have you ever been to the Sultanate of Saud?” Stone asked.

“Once,” she said. “I’ve issued fly-around orders to all our flight crews.”

“What is the place like?”

Viv stared at the ceiling for a moment. “Quaint,” she said.

“That’s all you’ve got? ‘Quaint’?”

“I want to be as complimentary as I can.”

“How’s the food?”

“Just great, if you enjoy goat and, in a pinch, camel.”

“I should think it would be wasteful to eat camels, when they’re so useful.”

“They have become less so, since the advent of Land Rovers,” she said, “and they only eat them when they’re very old. If I were you, I’d stick with the goat.”

“What’s that like?”

“It’s like goat,” she said. “It’s good if they use enough garlic. Oh, by the way, the men all reek of garlic. It’s like in Spain. If they eat enough garlic it gets into the bloodstream, then they emit.”

“Any good local restaurants?”

“I’d stick to room service if I were you. And the only good place to stay is the palace.”

“The Palace Hotel?”

“The palace. Where the sultan, his harem, and large numbers of his sons and other family live.”

“And if we’re not invited to stay?”

“Either get invited, or sleep on your airplane.”

“What is the climate like this time of year?”

“Not to put too fine a point on it, hot.”

“And the evenings?”

“Cold. Take a coat for the evenings.”

“Any local shopping?”

“Yes, if you’re looking to buy a camel or a goat. They sell them on the street corners.”

“I think I’ll pass on the shopping.”

“Good idea.”

“What’s the local currency?”

“Dollars or euros. Don’t take anything else, and don’t accept the local currency as change. Deal in round numbers.”

“Credit cards?”

“You may be able to buy aviation fuel with them. For everything else, think cash. It would be wise to take along a pile of it, since everyone expects a bribe.”

“For what?”

“For anything they can think of. How long are you staying?”

“As short a time as possible.”

“Nothing happens quickly in the Sultanate, and I mean nothing. If you’re staying more than overnight, you should take along two — no, three hundred thousand dollars in cash.”

“What service could be worth that kind of money?”

“How much is your airplane worth to you?”

“I’m going to have to buy it back from them?”

“It won’t be as bad as that, but it will seem as bad. I’ve heard of one instance where a CEO returned to his private jet to find an engine missing. He had to pay for a new one, even though it was the one they had removed.”

“I think I’ll take a mechanic with us.”

“And an engine.”

“Oh, come on, Viv, it can’t be as bad as that?”

“I told you, it will seem as bad.”

Stone turned to Dino, who had been silent. “Can I borrow a platoon of your uniformed officers to guard the airplane?”

“You’ll run up a big bill at the airport, if you do that,” Viv said. “You’ll need to bribe customs officials to get them in and out of the country.”

“I was kidding,” he said to Dino.

“Viv wasn’t,” Dino replied.

Stone got out his phone and called Brio Ness.

“Is everything all right?”

“Sort of. I’ve just been reliably informed that we should take a large amount of dollars to pay bribes on the ground.”

“Whatever,” she said.

“I’m told the bribes can be shocking, and God knows what we’re going to have to pay for Zanian.”

“What sort of money are we talking about?”

“I’ve been told to take three hundred thousand dollars for bribes. We may need a million to pay for Zanian.”

“I’ll call you back,” she said, then hung up.

“How’d she take it?”

“She’s calling her director.”

Stefan, the maître d’, was finishing his dance with the Caesar salad when Brio called back.

“I’ve arranged for a million three in cash,” she said. “It will be delivered to the airplane tomorrow. Where is it?”

“Jet Aviation, at Teterboro. There’s a safe on the airplane. I’m surprised you got permission so quickly.”

“The director says we’ll find a way to take it out of Zanian’s hide.”

“I’ll bring you a contract to sign,” Stone said.

“And I’ll bring a receipt for you to sign.” She hung up.

“She’s bringing a million three,” he said.

“From the FBI?”

“Directly from the director.”

“I don’t believe it.”

“The director says he’ll get it back from Zanian.”

“And what if you don’t get Zanian back?”

“We’d better,” Stone said.

Viv spoke up, “What if you can’t afford him?”