Criminal Mischief

40

Stone called Lance.

“Yeess,” Lance drawled.

“I need a briefing from somebody who knows the sultan well?”

“I understood you were briefed last evening at dinner.”

“Viv is a pessimist. I’d like the advice of someone more, ah, cheerful.”

“What do you want to know?”

“She tells me we should bring along a large sum of cash for bribes, and that we may have to pay as much as a million dollars, in cash, to get our hands on Zanian.”

“Perhaps you should take your checkbook, as well.”

Stone ignored that. “What is your personal advice about dealing with the sultan?”

“Keep your hand on your wallet. And your checkbook. At all times.”

“What do you mean, ‘At all times’?”

“Sleep with those items on your person, and sleep lightly. Beware of any female companionship offered.”

“Should I take a weapon?”

“Only if you wish to donate it to the sultan’s personal collection.”

“What kind of negotiator is the sultan?”

“A demanding one. You must remember, Stone, that the man is an absolute monarch when in his own country. Memorize the cell number of the ambassador” — he recited it for Stone to copy down — “and do not hesitate to use it. He is the only person in the Sultunate who can threaten the sultan with the loss of American largesse.”

“Anything else?”

“Did I mention, watch your ass?”

“Sort of.”

“There is a dungeon in the nether regions of the royal palace. You do not wish to visit it, even for a moment.”

“If I get into trouble, Lance, may I rely on you for help?”

“Help? If the sultan should take it into his mind to have you beheaded in his private courtyard, you can die screaming my name, and it will avail you nothing. I must run now. Good luck!” Lance hung up.

Stone hung up, too, thought for a moment, then he dialed a number in the 202 zip code. There was no answer. He dialed another number.

“White House switchboard,” a woman’s voice answered.

“This is Stone Barrington. I would like to speak to the president, if I may.”

“One moment, Mr. Barrington.”

It was a long moment before he heard the voice again. “I’m putting you through,” she said.

“Good morning,” she said.

“I’m sorry about going through the switchboard,” he said. “Your cell didn’t answer, and it’s important.”

“Stand by,” she replied, then hung up.

Stone stood by nervously. Finally, his cell phone rang. The caller ID read, Private.

“Hello?”

“I have about six minutes. Is that enough?”

“Thank you, Holly, I hope so. I need your help in order to avoid being beheaded.”

“Ah, you’re visiting my dear friend the sultan, aren’t you? I heard something about that.”

“The rumors are true. The FBI wants me to go over there, arrest Zanian, and bring him back. I’m afraid the sultan may take exception to that.”

“To the extent of having you beheaded? Really?”

“It would be of great help to me in accomplishing this if the sultan could be made to believe that you take a personal interest in my well-being, down to, and including, my fingers, toes, and neck. And genitalia.”

“Well, we wouldn’t want anything to happen to any of those, now would we?”

“Tell me, is there something that you were going to give the sultan anyway that I could present to him, in your stead? Something like a squadron of jet fighters, perhaps.”

“I think what he really wants is a couple dozen Jeep Grand Cherokees,” she said. “He’s been having trouble with his Land Rovers because he doesn’t take care of them. I believe that there may be no words in his dialect that translate as ‘periodic servicing by a dealer.’ ”

“May I convey this gift on your behalf?”

“Hang on, I’ll ask the chairman of the Joint Chiefs.” She held her hand over the phone, and her words were muffled. Then she came back. “Oh, all right,” she said. “The sultan will want to know when, and if he does, you are to tell him, ‘In due course.’ Nothing more.”

“That’s wonderful, thank you.”

“And Stone, a couple of things to remember. When you are ushered into the presence, give him no salaams. Remember, you are a United States citizen, and we do not bow to royalty. Nothing more than a head nod.”

“Right.”

“Oh, one other thing: it is important, no matter what he says, to show no fear.”

“Even to an absolute monarch who can have me beheaded?”

“Especially to him. Now, I must go and deal with the Pentagon. Good luck to you. I’ll make our ambassador there, Henry Wilcox, aware of your coming presence.”

“Thank you, Holly,” he said, but she had already hung up.

Stone riffled through his memory to gather what tools he had at his disposal. It was precious little.