The Gospel According to the Son

43

When there was no reply, I said, "Let the man who has no sword sell his garment and buy one."

Then they confessed. "Lord, here are two swords," they said, and two of them brought forth short swords, whereupon Peter took one.

I said: "It will be enough." But I wondered. Would twelve legions of angels be enough?

The apostle Thomas now asked: "Lord, how can we know the way?" He was simple, and I had to repeat the same words many times for him to understand. So I said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No man comes to the Father except by me." But it was late, and he was not the only one who did not know.

Whereupon Philip said, "Lord, show us the Father."

I told him: "Believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me."

Now I saw as never before that if they did not believe this, they would be without power to do any works. I told them: "Know only that you must love one another as I have loved you."

Never had I felt more love for them, or more compassion for their weakness. So many perils were waiting. "Know," I said, "that I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves. Try then to be as wise as serpents and as harmless as doves. But beware of men. For they will deliver you to their councils and, because of me, they will scourge you and subject you to evil judgment by governors and kings. Yet take no thought of what you must say, for it will be given to you in that hour of trial. It is not you who will speak but the Spirit of your Father." (To that, I could bear witness.)

These words brought fear to many of them. But then, few are ready to seek greater faith by climbing upward, ever upward, against their fear. So I added: "Be not afraid, my friends, of those who kill the body; fear rather Him who has the power to cast you into hell. Fear Him."

Now they might understand at last the fear that lay beneath all other fear: Would they see that death was not the end but the beginning? The joys or the agonies to come would surpass all that they had known before. Had I accomplished this muchùthat they would no longer keep from looking upon the face of death in the hope that thereby a harsh verdict might be avoided?

I knew that all I had told them was true but for one thing. I had said: "Love one another as I have loved you." Yet my love had been mixed with anger.

So I would tell them what must always be true: "Greater love," I said, "no man can have than this, that he lay down his life for his friend. I tell you again: Love one another. You must."

I spoke as if I had already left them. I believed it. Yet I also believed that I would never leave them. I would be with them tomorrow.

I looked at my apostles, and some were ugly and some were misshapen of body; some were misshapen of nose; the hands of many were thick and broken; the legs of others were crooked. Yet they were not only my followers but my friends. I would love them. "They will persecute me," I said. "They will persecute you. And all these things they will do to you because of me. For if I had not told them of their sins, they would not have had to know that they sinned. Now there is no cloak for their evil."

I heard a roaring in the wilderness, and it was far from my ear even if it was inside my ear. The rage of the Devil was immense. If the Pharisees were now without a cloak for their sin, then the Devil might lose his harvest.

"The time shall come," I said to my people, "when whoever will look to kill you will think that he does service to God. Wars shall be waged in God's name that will profit the Devil."

If I was feeling the sorrow that I might not live to see my disciples for even one more evening, still it was necessary that I say: "Your unhappiness shall turn to joy. For you will come to know yourselves, and then you will see that you are also the sons of the living Father."

I wanted this to be true for now and for eternity, but I also knew that my Father's heart was heavier in this hour than my own. Again, I did not dare to wonder whether I had failed in the larger part of my ministry. Instead, I lifted my eyes and prayed, "Father, give back to me the glory that I had with You before the world was." And it gave me great hope to think that He had been with me from the beginning, and even before the beginning. Might that give me strength in the trials to come?

"Father," I said, "if I am no longer to be in this world, my men are still here and I have given them Your Word. So I pray that You will take them into Yourself and keep them from the evil of others. As You, Father, are in me and I in You, may they also be in Us, and be One with Us. And then the world will believe that You have sent me. The glory which You have given to me I would give to them so that they may be One even as We are One, I in them and You in me."

I could feel the love of God. Such love was like an animal of heavenly beauty. Its eyes glowed in my heart.

As these prayers echoed within my chest, so did I know that I must go again to the Temple even if it was the night of the third day. And I must go with these questions in my heart. If they were heavy, so must I carry them as my burden.

I set out.

With every step my legs grew heavier. When we came to Gethsemane, I said to my disciples, "Sit here. I will pray."

I chose Peter and James and John to come with me and began to mount the small hill to the garden of Gethsemane. It was as if my limbs belonged to another and could hardly stir.

"Keep watch," I said. I hardly knew why, but I said to Peter, "Do not enter into temptation." My soul was sorrowful unto death.

Then I went forward to where they could not see me, and fell to the ground. I prayed that this hour might pass.