A Man to Call My Own

Chapter 35

AMANDA SLAMMED THE DOOR as she departed. Marian was surprised to find that she felt like smiling. If she'd learned anything from her sister over the years, it was how to put on a good performance, and she'd just given one worthy of a professional. But the question was, had it worked? Not that it would really change anything, other than to save her from more of Amanda's gloating.

Amanda still wanted a husband, the sooner the better in her mind. Marian had only removed one of the reasons for her to accept Chad in that role. The other reasons still applied, that he was willing, that Kathleen approved of him, that the wedding would take place soon. If no one else caught her eye or interest before the date Kathleen set for the wedding, then Amanda would marry him.

Marian picked up her broken spectacles from the floor. She stared at them for a long moment. She could replace them. She did have another pair. But what was the point? It wasn't as if they were back home in Haverhill, where men would be calling on Amanda every day, and some of them might prefer her instead.

She really did need a new wardrobe though. She'd chosen the drab colors not because she favored them, but because they furthered her "invisibility." But she was done with that charade. And if Amanda felt threatened by having competition again—too bad.

She removed the dress she'd slept in, found a white blouse that was at least neutral in color. As for a skirt—she noticed the riding skirt she'd borrowed from her aunt, the one she'd been wearing yesterday morning...

She wasn't going to cry again. She was going to have to stop mourning her loss eventually, and she might as well start now.

She still had to learn how to ride, but she wasn't about to let him finish the lesson for her. Besides, she at least knew the basics now of getting a horse ready to ride, which had probably been the hardest part. How difficult could getting on a horse and staying on it be, when just about everyone in this part of the country rode one? She was determined to teach herself the rest.

She donned the riding skirt and headed out of her room. Ella Mae picked that moment to show up, and with only a brief knock first, the maid stuck her head around the door.

"Hell yes!" she said, quickly grasping that the change in Marian's appearance was deliberate. "'Bout damn time."

Marian managed not to blush. "All my reasons to hide are gone."

"I heard," Ella Mae said, her voice tinged with disgust. "She couldn't stop crowing about it last night when I collected her clothes for washing." And then hesitandy, "Want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Didn't think so. When you feel like it though, you know where to find me. Want me to fix up your hair, or are you just going to wear it wild like that?"

"I feel like wearing it wild, but I suppose that would be going a bit too far in the opposite direction."

"It will take a little cutting on the bangs," Ella Mae warned. "Not much. You'll still be able to pin them back like she does when needed."

Marian nodded. "Just don't give me exactly the style that she prefers. All those ringlets are much too frilly for my tastes."

It didn't take Ella Mae long. She was very good at creating hairstyles that were not necessarily in high fashion, but very becoming to the individual. And she compromised by not pinning Marian's long locks up again but tieing them back with a bright blue ribbon.

As for the bangs, she only needed to snip a few, since they were already trained to lean toward the sides. The result was a little fluff, a few curls near her temples, and a whole new look.

"I'd go pay her a visit now to show off," Ella Mae suggested. "But that's just me. You're too nice to play her game."

Marian grinned. The two of them never needed to clarify who she was.

"She's not going anywhere, and besides, she already knows I'm done with hiding. Right now, I have an appointment with a horse."

She expected the stable to be empty again. The cowboy who tended to the horses might be back to work, but if he was still sick, he should be spending most of the day resting. But she still hadn't glanced at a clock before heading there, so she wasn't sure what time of the day it was. Somewhere around noon, to go by the position of the sun.

She saw that Kathleen had ridden in for lunch, or for the day. She had put her horse in a stall, an indication she wouldn't be using him again. She was just closing it when she heard Marian approaching and glanced her way.

"Surprised to see you out here," Kathleen remarked, her tone a bit stiff. "But at least you're properly dressed this time."

"I'm Marian."

"Sure you are," Kathleen snorted.

Marian winced. She hadn't expected this. It had been a really long time since she'd had to convince anyone which sister she was.

She'd forgotten how vexing it could be, too, if she couldn't think of something specifically known just to her and the other person that she could offer as proof that she was indeed Marian. She'd been in that frustrating position many times with people angrily insisting that she was Amanda. Fortunately, she'd had several private conversations with her aunt from which she could draw proof.

She mentioned one now. "When you lent me this skirt, you told me to ignore any ribbing from the cowboys about it, that they jokingly called it female chaps. I'm pretty sure we were quite alone when you said it."

Kathleen visibly relaxed. "Yes, and so far on the other side of the room from the door that day, that if anyone had been trying to listen through it, they wouldn't have been able to hear anything. So it is you. What an amazing difference!"

"You might want to whisper a word or number to me now, just to make sure you aren't left in doubt again."

"No more spectacles?"

"I never intended to wear them after Amanda got married, and she's just about... married."

She hadn't meant to introduce that particular subject. Fortunately, Kathleen merely said, "Yes, she is," and left it at that.

To quickly get her aunt's mind on something else, Marian asked, "How are we going to get to town when we go? I haven't learned to ride yet."

"If I go by myself, I typically ride in on a Saturday, get my shopping done, spend the night, go to church on Sunday, do a little visiting, then head back home before noon. But with you girls not being able to ride, we'll be on the road a lot longer. I've got an old wagon I use to haul supplies that we would have had to make use of, but since Spencer hasn't bothered to send anyone out to fetch his carriage, we might as well use that this trip. But plans have changed a bit."

"Oh?"

"Stuart is spreading the word already. He's picked this Saturday for his barbecue. I expect most the town will show up for it. So we'll be heading for the Kinkaid spread first, then stop off in town Sunday on the way back. We'll still have to leave at the crack of dawn Saturday morning, and probably won't arrive until late afternoon. But Stuarts parties typically last well into the night."

"I know it's a bother. And I will learn to ride before any more trips like this. In fact"—she grinned-"that's why I'm here."

Kathleen frowned. "Chad's not around to teach you right now. He rode over to see his father. Probably be gone a couple days. Actually, I don't expect him to return before we leave for the barbecue. But since I'm back for the day, why don't we tackle this ourselves?"

Marian nodded, relieved. She'd been ready to teach herself, but the prospect had been daunting.

Aside from giving her instructions on handling a horse and riding, Kathleen was quiet, even somewhat distracted. Marian wasn't surprised. Kathleen had a lot on her mind, and most of it probably had to do with Chad and Amanda.

During the lesson, Marian debated with herself whether to try to tell her aunt the truth. Kathleen would probably believe her, but then again, maybe she wouldn't. She'd told her a lot of outlandish things already about Amanda. Her latest stunt might just be a bit too much to swallow on top of everything else. And besides, with Chad convinced he'd made love to Amanda, he'd object, probably flatly refuse, if Kathleen tried to insist he marry Marian instead. Not that she'd want a man who was forced to marry her—not that she wanted Chad anymore at all.

She still thought she should make the effort though, not to do Chad any favors, but because he was getting the raw deal, and it was ultimately her fault. She could have stopped what had happened that day in the stable, but she didn't. And he might be pleased that he was getting Amanda at the moment, but he wouldn't be once they were married and she started insisting he take her home to Haverhill.

It'd be the right thing to do, whether anyone believed her or not. She just needed to make Kathleen understand that she wouldn't marry Chad, that it wouldn't be fair to him, when he'd thought he'd made love to someone else. The mistake was hers, she'd live with the consequences.

God, what an embarrassing subject to have to discuss with her aunt. At least there was no immediate hurry. She could take a few days to consider how best to approach it. Maybe after the barbecue. And maybe she'd get lucky and Amanda would find someone at the party who would suit her better than Chad and she'd have to do some confessing of her own.

Having been just as distracted as Kathleen with unwanted thoughts, Marian was quite surprised to find herself sitting on the mare, reins in hand, and her aunt telling her, "Okay, time for the test. Let's go for a ride."