Aberration of Starlight

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How great everything is panning out! Mom really admires Tom and loves him a lot too and Tom thinks Mom is as swell as they come and a great sport and he loves her too!

Even better than this is that Gramp likes Tom a lot and thinks it is a capital idea that Tom wants to marry Mom and she wants to marry him. He thinks that Tom is a real gentleman and a go-getter and says he is the only man who can give him a decent game of croquet.

Tom in fact loves Mom so much that he asked her to marry him so that he can be her husband just like Daddy was and also be Billy’s father.

Gramp thinks it is about time that he popped the question and that it is jake with him and thinks that they should not even wait to get back to the city but they should tie the knot right here this summer and get married in the Warren House in Hackettstown!

Suddenly one fine morning Daddy comes up to the Stellkamps’ farm and says that a little bird told him that Mom was getting married to Tom and that he has looked into Tom and found out that he is a prince of a man and that as far as he is concerned he thinks it is one of the best ideas he has heard in a long time. He wonders if he would be a fifth wheel if he came to the wedding at the Warren House because he certainly doesn’t want to butt in where he isn’t wanted.

Of course you can come to the wedding Mom says and so does Gramp and Tom too says sure it is fine with me, hunky-dory, and that Mom has told him an awful lot of good things about Daddy and Gramp says that he shouldn’t make himself a stranger and what in hell has been the matter with him that nobody sees hide nor hair of him anymore? Is he getting too good for everybody now that he is a big mucky-muck?

Daddy says that there is no substitute for old friends and that blood is thicker than water and that he will be glad to come to the wedding and he will stand in the back so that he won’t be in anybody’s way. And Gramp and Tom say what do you think you’re doing? Stand in the back my foot! You will be the guest of honor and Mom says oh yes Tony and that she bears no grudge or hard feelings, it is all water under the bridge.

Daddy is so happy that he starts to laugh and says well this is more than I bargained for because I did not know exactly what kind of a reception to expect but this is really tops in my book, it is aces. What Daddy really came up to the country for he says is to ask Mom’s permission to take Billy on a little trip to the Pyramids of the Nile and Borneo. That is such a cunning idea Mom says and gives her permission in a sec. There is nothing like foreign lands for an education she says, as long as you come back finally to the good old USA.

Of course Gramp says this will be after the wedding in the Warren House because not only is Daddy going to be the special guest of honor because he used to be Mom’s husband and he is Billy’s dad and I think the world of you and if I can add two and two you and Tom here are also going to hit it off but also Billy is going to be the ring bearer. Which reminds Gramp to tell Tom that he better skedaddle into Hackettstown or Netcong and select a ring from one of the diamond jewelry stores there. Tom slaps his forehead with his hand and laughs and says wow! I am so excited and happy that I almost forgot about the most important thing of all! What a dumbbell jerk I am! You certainly are Gramp laughs and slaps him on the back and says it’s lucky his head is attached to his shoulders or he’d forget that too!

Suddenly that afternoon Father Donovan from Our Lady of Angels comes up and says that he is carrying a message from Monsignor O’Hara and he stands on the porch and opens an envelope while Tom and Mom and Daddy and Gramp all sit in rocking chairs and there are some other busybodies there too with their ears cocked like the Sapurtys and Mom is pulling at her hankie and Tom is patting her shoulder. Billy doesn’t know exactly what the heck is going on but he remembers Mom saying that Father Donovan is a very strict priest because he is a Back Bay North of Ireland convert and they are the worst kind and Billy figures that Mom is nervous because the Catholic priests do not like people to get divorced or to get married twice or something like that, it’s like eating meat on Friday. Daddy is looking at him with a little kind of wisenheimer smile because as far as he is concerned priests all eat roast beef on Friday and live like kings except for Father Bucafusco at St. Rocco’s who was a saint on earth.

Father Donovan looks at the message and says that as far as Monsignor O’Hara is concerned and all the other priests and the good Sisters of Charity at Our Lady of Angels it is fine by them that Mom and Tom should get married because they are both good Catholics and Catholics should be happy. Besides Monsignor O’Hara adds a P.S. to say that just that morning before Father Donovan got on the Erie to Netcong, which is why he is all covered with grime and soot, a special-delivery telegram came to Monsignor O’Hara from the Pope Pius and he has thought the case over and decided that he wants Mom and Tom to get married right away because he knows from special reports what a wonderful lady Mom is and what a good Catholic she has been all these years and also what a fine man Tom is. As for Gramp although he is not a real Catholic as far as the Pope Pius is concerned he might as well be because High Episcopalians are just about Catholics.

What a relief for everybody! They all pile into a big black Packard limousine that Our Lady of Angels has sent up special with a chauffeur and rush into Hackettstown and stop off for a minute to buy a stunning wedding ring. Then they go to the Warren House so that Mom and Tom can get married right away and they do. Father Donovan stands on the little platform that the dutchie polka band plays on on Saturday nights and they are married in a jiffy and everybody says that Mom is a beautiful bride in her white summer dress and that Tom is a handsome groom in his white polo shirt and white knickers that he sometimes wears to play croquet and his white stockings and shoes.

Then Father Donovan buys the house a round of beer except for Billy and the Copan girls and he buys them orange drink and a whole bunch of potato chips. And when they start dancing to some records on the jukebox like “Beer Barrel Polka” and “Careless” and “Darn That Dream” and “Deep Purple” and “Hold Tight, Hold Tight” and “If I Didn’t Care” and “I’ll Never Smile Again” and “My Prayer” and “South of the Border” and “Three Little Fishies” and some other hit tunes Daddy comes up to Billy and says well Billy are you ready to leave tomorrow with me to go to Egypt and the Mysterious Nile and then to Borneo to see where they get pure rubber? And Billy says wow! Am I!