Agatha H and the Voice of the Castle

CHAPTER 10

When Saturn Heterodyne died and William Heterodyne assumed his seat as Master of the Castle, it took a while for the City of Mechanicsburg to reinvent itself. The town needed time to adjust to the idea that it was now a citadel of evil…without the evil.

Saturn’s sons—known to the World as the Heterodyne Boys—had not been raised in the Castle. This is an important factor to consider when examining their reasons for abandoning the long-held traditions of the Heterodyne family. Even before their father’s death, attentive townspeople had been aware that, soon enough, a new wind would be blowing.

But talk is one thing, and action another. Contemporary written accounts show that the razing of the flesh yards, along with the beginnings of the Great Hospital in their place, came as a rude shock to a large part of the populace.

There was grumbling. Resistance. It was the fear that members of any group will experience when a familiar, established order comes to an end for reasons they cannot understand. Never, in the long history of Mechanicsburg, had the populace come as close to outright rebellion against their Masters.

But the linchpins of the Heterodyne’s power held. The Jägermonsters stayed loyal. The Dyne still flowed. The von Mekkhan family stood with the new Master. And above them all, the Castle loomed, waiting to crush any who disobeyed.

Mechanicsburg evolved.

—Nurture Over Nature: The Story of the Heterodyne Boys (Part 1) What Went Right? by Professoressa Kaja Foglio/ Transylvania Polygnostic University Press

Agatha waited a moment, listening in the silence. “Yes, I think that did it,” she finally said, with a sigh of relief.

Professor Mezzasalma clattered over to the device Agatha had activated and studied it intently. He looked up in amazement. “It’s the Lion,” he said. “But you smashed it!”

“I only smashed one big showy bit. Once I had the other parts, it was easy enough to rework the design and reassemble it in such a way that the Castle didn’t realize it could still work.”

“You shut down…the whole Castle?” asked Tarvek.

Gil’s eyes went wide. “Agatha! The Castle was the only thing keeping my father from just coming in here and grabbing you!” A fresh wave of weakness hit him, and he sank to the floor. Tarvek followed him and the two sat there, breathing hard for a moment.

Agatha bit her lip and signaled von Zinzer and Mezzasalma to help them back up. “It was keeping us from getting ourselves cured. It’s a broken mad automaton, remember? And it was becoming more and more irrational. I suspect that I was putting too much stress upon its cognitive faculties, and since they weren’t sufficiently integrated, it just couldn’t handle it. In my opinion, it was dangerously close to deciding that killing us all would have kept us ‘safe.’”

All the Sparks nodded. It was a problem endemic in the field of artificial intelligence.

Agatha continued. “We’ll just have to get the repairs done before the Baron realizes what’s happened.”

Gil waved his hands weakly. “We don’t know how long that could be! For all we know, there’s a giant red light flashing on the main tower right now!”

“That’s…unlikely,” Tarvek said grudgingly. “But we can’t count on having much time.”

Agatha sighed. “Tarvek, Gil, we’re already out of time,” she said. “We’ll work on getting the Castle back once we’re no longer about to die.

“Don’t worry. As far as the Castle goes, I’m reasonably sure that we can revive the whole thing, assuming we can get enough energy running through it.”

Von Zinzer stood by the lift, frowning down into the shaft. “I thought this was supposed to be the lowest level of the Castle,” he said. “What’s down there?”

Agatha stood by him and stared down into the darkness. There were lights down there. They were very faint, but flickering, and growing brighter. An odd look crossed her face, then she shook herself abruptly and turned away, knocking a chip of broken rock over the side. “One thing at a time. We’ve had too many distractions. First we cure ourselves, then we fight the World, then we get to explore. No more delays!”

Far below, the stone landed with a faint, bell-like ring. Seconds later, the lights flared, and a wild, mechanical scream of triumph echoed from the depths.

“FREEE!”

Agatha leaned over the edge and screamed back. “I said, ‘no more delays!’”

There was a crowd in the apartment. When Vanamonde arrived, the leaders of Mechanicsburg society paused in their whispered conversations and stepped aside to let him pass. In one corner, a smaller knot of close friends had gathered around Arella.

Van hurried to her side. “I came as soon as I heard, Mother. How is Grandfather?”

Arella smiled gamely. “He seems all right. He’s been asking for you.”

“What happened?”

Arella shrugged. “No one is sure. He just suddenly gave a shout, and collapsed in the middle of the Poisoner’s Market.”⁸⁷

The doctor stepped out of the bedroom, rolling down her sleeves as she walked. “He seems more embarrassed than anything else,” she said to Van and his mother. “But he’s positively frantic to see you, so the sooner you get in there, the sooner he might actually rest.”

Van thanked her and stepped into his grandfather’s bedroom.

The seneschals of Mechanicsburg tended to live simply and Carson von Mekkhan certainly continued that tradition.

The main features of the room were an elegantly carved bed frame and two matching wardrobes. A small shrine—one of the few personal touches evident—held a single votive lamp before portraits of the old man’s late wife and son.

The former master of the city was propped up in the center of an enormous goose-down mattress. A fresh set of bandages covered his head. He was distracted, staring into the distance, nervously stroking the belly of the cat.

Van cleared his throat. “Grandfather?”

“Finally!” Carson looked relieved and shifted, sending the cat off in a resigned huff.

Van removed his frock coat and carefully sat down on the edge of the old man’s bed. He had to admit that the Doctor’s assessment matched his own. “So what happened?”

“That blasted heap of rubble!” Van knew to whom, or rather to what, his grandfather was referring. “All these years it must have had some kind of hold on me…”

Or maybe not. “Grandfather, what are you talking about?”

“The Castle,” the old man said flatly. “They’ve killed it.” He tapped his head. “I felt it die.” He stared back at his grandson defiantly.

Van considered this outrageous statement. “The Castle is…dead.”

“Yes.”

Vanamonde regarded his grandfather. “And you felt it die.”

“Yes!”

Van sighed and rested his elbows on his knees and allowed his head to sag forward. “Well,” he muttered. “That explains some things.”

Carson stared at him amazement. “You believe me?”

Van didn’t bother to open his eyes. “Oh, yes.”

“What’s happened?”

Van sat up straight and peaked his fingertips together. With a shock, Carson recognized the gesture as one that he himself used whenever he had to make a report.

“All the town clocks have stopped,” Van said quietly. “All of the fountains have stopped flowing. The bridges over the rivers no longer work, nor do the street and traffic signals.” He turned to face the old man. “Grandfather, where does the Castle end and Mechanicsburg begin?”

The two men stared at each other in silence. Van turned away. “Never mind. I think I’m beginning to guess…”

Carson looked at his grandson and allowed himself to sink back into his pillows. Awkwardly, he reached out and patted his grandson on the arm. “You were so young. You never really knew what it was like when the Castle was fully operational. You never saw the town really…really running.” Van raised his eyebrows. Carson snapped out of his reverie. “I’m sorry, my boy. The girl…she must have failed.” He closed his eyes. “I had…allowed myself to hope…”

Van looked at him in surprise. “Failed?” He seemed genuinely taken aback at the idea. “Agatha? Failed? No, I don’t think so.”

Carson’s eyes popped open and he regarded his grandson with interest. Van shifted upon the bed. “I…No, I can’t really explain it, but…”

Carson began to smile. “But you can’t imagine her failing.”

Van thought about this, and began to look slightly alarmed. “No, I can’t.”

Carson nodded. “She’s your Heterodyne, all right.”

“But—”

“You’ll make a fine seneschal,” Carson declared with satisfaction.

Van snorted. “If I get the chance! We still don’t know what the Baron is doing. He’s kept most of his troops outside the walls. It’s obvious that he has some plan in motion to get his son out before he flattens the place, but we don’t know how that race is going.” He leapt to his feet, strode over to the window, and stared upwards at the Castle it framed.

“If he knows about this, he’ll…” Van began. “But does he know? Surely, if he knew that the Castle was dead, he’d…” He spun about and faced his grandfather. “But how could he not? He must know! It’s so obvious! And if he knows, then why hasn’t he already attacked?”

In the elegant gardens of the Inner Courtyard of the Great Hospital, a battle was taking place. Orderlies and nurses scurried frantically through the building, evacuating patients from rooms facing the open area.

The Baron’s enormous clank stood alone. Within the cockpit, smoke poured from a control panel, and one of the operators wiped a rivulet of blood from her eyes. She blinked at the console, which was covered with urgently blinking red lights.

“Status?” the Baron asked.

“Not good, Herr Baron,” she answered. “The hydraulics have ruptured, and we’re losing pressure in the left leg. I’m trying to shunt cooling fluid to—”

“INCOMING,” screamed the other operator. A massive blow landed upon the central torso. With a whine, the last of the gyroscopes spun into shards that ricocheted away across the lawns.

On the ground below, Bangladesh DuPree nodded grimly. “That did it! He’s going down!” She dashed forward, followed by a terrified squad of soldiers and medical technicians.

With a final groan of tortured metal, the great walker toppled backwards and crashed to the earth, throwing up a shockwave of soil and vegetation for several meters in all directions.

In the cockpit, The Baron struggled for consciousness. “No!” His speech was slurred, but there was no mistaking the desperate iron in his voice. “You can’t do this! There’s too much I have to do! I have to save my son.”

The center of a cloud of swirling smoke and dust seemed to coalesce into a shadowy figure, which leapt onto the fallen machine’s chest.

“You’re dooming all of Europa,” Klaus croaked. “I’m the only one who can do this. I have to save everything before she gets to me.”

The smoke cleared to reveal Dr. Sun. His elegant coat was tattered, and smoke curled up from his beard.

“Fool,” he declared scornfully. “You are saving nothing! Your delusions will kill you and destroy the Empire!” The Baron started to speak, and was cut off as Sun jabbed a large hypodermic deep into his chest. He shuddered once, and collapsed.

“The Empire does need you!” Doctor Sun raged.

“But you never listen to your doctor! I said strict bed rest!” He stood up, panting, and made an effort to straighten his ragged coat. “—And I meant it!”

Aboard the great airship Castle Wulfenbach, Boris Vasily Konstantin Andrei Myshkin Dolokhov stood in the Empire’s war room and listened to a report of the events at the Great Hospital. He sighed and used two of his four hands to clean his glasses. Another ran through his hair. Being the Baron’s second-in-command was never easy, but today… Today, he desperately wished that his free hand held a tall glass of vodka. Preferably some of that stuff that the fuel chemists in engineering brewed up—the kind that tended to spontaneously ignite when exposed to strong sunlight.

“I should have known he’d pull something like that,” he muttered. He glanced at Dr. Merrliwee, the head physician on board the Castle. “And now?”

“Dr. Sun has placed him in an armored, high-pressure healing engine.”

Boris winced. Healing engines were effective, but that efficiency came at a painful price. He tried to imagine what a full-body engine would feel like, and then wished he hadn’t. He took a deep breath.

“It’s what should have been done to begin with,” he conceded. “But it’s dangerous and now he’ll be incommunicado.”

The thought flashed through Boris’ mind, I’ll have to run his адский Empire for him—again.⁸⁸

Out of the crowd of assorted military officers that swarmed around Boris, the Master of the Ætheric Vapor Squad cleared his throat. His voice rang hollowly from within his refrigerated suit. “Sir, the deadline for the destruction of Castle Heterodyne is approaching…”

Boris glared at him. “Is Master Gilgamesh still in there?”

The Master’s eyes could be seen to roll. “…Yes.”

“Then you will hold off! I will not be the one who kills the Baron’s heir! Next?”

A Captain dressed in the white leather outfit of the Empire’s Intelligence Offices stepped up. “We’re getting reports of rioting all across the Empire.” She picked up a pointer and strode over to a hanging map of Europa. She flicked the pointer across the map, tapping delicately several times, and each place it touched, a soft red light glowed. “These areas are reporting outright revolts.”

Boris frowned. “I’d expect that, what with the news about the Baron being in the hospital. But…”

The Intelligence Officer nodded. “Yes. But this is…too quick. Too coordinated.” She slapped the pointer across her palm. “We’re looking into it.”

Boris nodded.

There was a sudden disruption at the doorway, and a crowd cleared to allow a Jägermonster officer to saunter in. “Hey dere, Meester Boris bug man,” he called out cheerfully.

“Oh, this is all I need,” Boris said under his breath. He paused. “Wait a minute…” He began flipping through the papers before him. “What are you even doing here? All of the Jägers are supposed to be up North.”

The Jäger carefully collected and straightened a stack of paperwork, then sat on it. “Heh. Yez, vell, sveethot, ve gots a message for hyu.” He smiled at Boris. “Ve quit.”

Agatha tightened the last connection and threw a switch. There was a brief shower of sparks, and the bank of machinery before her shuddered back to life as, deep within, tubes began to glow. She nodded in satisfaction, leaned back on her heels, and looked up. “How are Gil and Tarvek doing?” she called out.

“Not well at all, my lady.” Violetta sounded worried. Agatha hurried over to where both men lay stretched out upon the floor, their skins a ruddy reddish orange. “They just collapsed,” Violetta said, “and their fevers have gone up. It’s really bad!”

Fraulein Snaug waved a wrench to catch Agatha’s attention. “But they did keep going until they finished their work,” she said approvingly.

Worried as she was, Agatha had to admire the woman’s grasp of priorities.

“That’s good, I suppose.” Agatha raised her voice. “Herr von Zinzer? Do you see anything?”

Von Zinzer gripped his broom handle a bit more tightly. He sat perched upon the edge of the hole in the floor, watching. “Whatever is down there is keeping quiet now. I heard some clanking and saw a big green flash of light about an hour ago. Nothing since then.” He peered back down. “Still, I really think we should hurry, you know?”

Agatha knew. Suddenly, there was a shout of triumph. Professor Mezzasalma clattered over, a pleased look on his face. “I have successfully finished splicing the power connectors!” he announced. “I predict that hardly any of them will explode!”

Agatha nodded. “I’ll take that. Violetta, wind up the dynamos.” She turned back. “Professor, you haul Gil and Tarvek into place, and Snaug, you help me get myself connected to the system.” A sudden wave of dizziness caused her to sway and her skin shifted towards a deeper shade of purple. Mezzasalma winced and stepped forward in concern. Agatha held up a preemptory hand. “I’ll make it, let’s get this done!”

Agatha removed her outer garments and Snaug began to buckle her into a device-encrusted harness. “Are you sure about this, my lady? You’re taking such a terrible risk.” She paused as she tightened a strap and meticulously set the buckle. “I mean, being an assistant, I’m kind of used to it being me who gets hooked up to things…”

Agatha adjusted herself to ease a bit of pinching. “I don’t see that I have much choice,” she said frankly. She glanced over to the array where, with a casual display of strength, Professor Mezzasalma was tossing Tarvek onto a metal slab. Tarvek’s head bounced slightly as he landed, and Agatha winced. “Besides, the one taking the biggest risk is Gil. He wasn’t even infected when we started this.”

Snaug nodded glumly. “True, but now…well, he’s so sick…Do you think he’ll be strong enough to pull you both through full resurrections?”

Agatha adjusted her shoulder straps. “I really don’t know,” she finally admitted.

Behind her, Professor Mezzasalma cleared his throat. “Prince Wulfenbach and Prince Sturmvarous are in position. The connections are made and will probably hold. All we are waiting for is you, my lady.” He glanced in her direction, blushed, and looked away. “Are you all right?”

Agatha glanced down and saw her skin color shift to a bright cyan. “Well, no, Professor, I’m not.”

Mezzasalma looked flustered. “Yes, of course…I knew that…”

Fraulein Snaug slid her wrench back into one of her belt loops. “I’m finished,” she announced. “I’m hooking you into the circuit—” She flipped a switch. “Now.”

Suddenly, Agatha pitched forward. “They’re sicker than I thought,” she groaned. With effort, she straightened up. “We’ll start with Tarvek,” she muttered.

Snaug looked alarmed. “Weren’t we going to do you all at the same time?”

Agatha shook her head. “At this point both Gil and Tarvek are too worn out. The si vales valeo procedure hasn’t got a chance of working without someone stronger in the donor position.” Agatha noticed that her hand was trembling and dropped it to the console. “At the moment, the strongest person is me.”

“But…” Snaug frowned, “if you use all your energy on them, then won’t you all be drained when it’s time to revive you? It’s just, well, I’m as big a fan of perpetual motion machines as the next girl, but they hardly ever work.”

“Well spotted. Yes. It’s possible there could be some problems at that point, but I’ve got a few things set up that will fix that.” She poked at her devices and fiddled with a dial. “Probably.”

Snaug frowned. “Oh, that fills me with confidence.”

Agatha didn’t bother to argue further. “To your station, Snaug,” she ordered.

“Yes, mistress,” Snaug moved to her place.

Agatha looked around, her gaze lingering first on Gil, then on Tarvek. They lay still, strapped in their arrays on the slabs that flanked her, and took a final deep breath. They were all as ready as they were going to get. “Good luck, you two,” she whispered. She then wheeled about and unhesitatingly threw a large lever. “First switch!” she called.

There was a crackle of electricity and Tarvek shrieked and strained against his restraints.

Violetta went pale. “He…he sounds like he’s dying!”

Agatha rolled her eyes. “Well of course he is. That was the point.” She sat herself down in an elaborately constructed chair. “Now come on, it’s time to get me strapped in.” Violetta tore her eyes from Tarvek’s thrashing form and fumbled at the first of a series of straps and buckles. “Make sure those are really secure,” Agatha admonished.

“I know! I know,” Violetta mumbled.

Agatha studied a bank of readouts next to her chair. “Hurry! Tarvek’s readings are almost terminal!” She raised her voice. “Professor! We’re getting power fluctuations!”

Mezzasalma swore. He scuttled over to a smoking cable, ripped it apart, and slammed a new connector into place. “We’re burning through fuses faster than expected,” he shouted back. “But I can deal with it!”

“Sturmvarous is flattening on all meters,” Snaug sang out.

“Good!” Agatha hunkered down in place. “Keep the power running as smoothly as you can!” She glanced towards Violetta—

“This is the last strap,” Violetta said.

“Then start the countdown—Now!”

Numbers started flicking down on the board. “Professor!” Snaug shouted, “My controls just went dark!”

“Sorry,” Mezzasalma returned, “this thrice-cursed fuse has melted! I’m shunting to number four array!”

Agatha ignored them. “Violetta?” she asked nervously, “did you remember to strip all the metal off them?”

“Yes. Of course.” Violetta assured her, settling a heavily-wired crown of lights onto her head and strapping it on.

“Even Gil’s…ring?” Agatha whispered.

“Sheesh! Yes! You only told me three times!” said Violetta, connecting wires in the crown to the rest of the array.

“You’re nervous,” Violetta said. “If you don’t relax, this is really going to hurt like crazy.”

Agatha gave her a grim smile. “Oh, I certainly hope so.”

“Prince Sturmvarous is prepped for revivification!” Snaug announced.

Agatha closed her eyes and grit her teeth. “All right—Do it! And then get back!”

Violetta nodded. She took hold of Agatha’s locket and held it in place while she undid the clasp. Then, all at once, she leapt backward, taking the locket with her.

Agatha’s head slammed back against the headrest of the chair and she screamed, initially in agony, but midway through it changed into a scream of triumph. The blue lights on the crown device went red, and Lucrezia opened her eyes.

“Why, I’m back!” A wicked smile crossed her face. “What a lovely surprise!”

Then her eyes widened in panic and she tugged at her restraints. “Wait—What is this?” She looked up and saw Violetta watching her intently. “Release me at once!”

Violetta licked her lips. “Wow. That really is weird.”

Instantly Lucrezia looked scared and vulnerable. “Yes! There’s something very wrong! There’s been a terrible mistake! Quickly now, untie me!”

Violetta shook her head in admiration, never removing her eyes from Lucrezia. “So, you’re the…evil twin thing, eh? Tarvek said you could be really convincing.”

Instantly Lucrezia snapped out of her helpless routine. “Oh, did he? Did he also say that he’s neck-deep in a plot to steal my work? Release me now, and I’ll show him—!”

Violetta backed away with a small laugh. “Tempting, but you already had your shot at him.” She glanced at the nearby panel, where a green light flashed. “No way.” She grasped a large handle and threw it triumphantly. “Second switch!”

Nothing happened. Frantically Violetta jiggled the switch back and forth a few times. Still nothing. She glanced back and saw Agatha’s body, strained almost to the breaking point, as Lucrezia tried to tear free of the straps, regardless of the physical consequences. “Professor,” she screamed.

Mezzasalma jammed a screwdriver into a partially melted panel and brutally wrenched it open, exposing the cracked unit behind it. “Useless, inferior, coprolithic components!” he snarled, as he yanked the unit free and slammed a new one into place. Orange lights blossomed around him. “I wouldn’t electrocute my mother with these!”

Lucrezia screamed and collapsed back, panting. While she marshaled her strength, she examined Violetta. “You,” she hissed. “You’re one of the Order’s Smoke Knights! You fool, you people have sworn yourselves to me! Do your duty! Release me! I demand it in the name of the Holy Child!”

Violetta paled. “Whoa!” she said, nodding. “I’d heard the Order was in thrall to some secret cabal…so that’s you, eh?”

Lucrezia stared at her. “You refuse to honor the First Command?”

Violetta shook her head. “Noooo…I think you’ll cause a lot less trouble by staying right where you are.”

Lucrezia screamed with all the power of the Spark. “Release me!”

Violetta folded her arms. “Nope.”

Lucrezia stared. “You’re…you’re a Smoke Knight…” Her voice rose to a shriek of frustration. “But you’re not wasped?”

Violetta shuddered. “I’m supposed to be?” She was so shocked at the idea that she almost didn’t catch Snaug as she attacked from behind.

“I’ll release you, Mistress!” Snaug seemed mesmerized. Her eyes were glassy.

Violetta slammed her fist across the woman’s jaw with no small satisfaction. “Oh great,” she muttered as Snaug collapsed. “PROFESSOR?”

A bank of lights went from orange to green. “Soon,” the Professor called back.

Lucrezia seemed to swell as she screamed at the top of her lungs. “RELEASE ME OR I WILL GRIND YOU TO DUST! CAN ANYONE LOYAL HEAR ME? HELP!”

A voice shrieked back from deep inside the shaft in the floor. “I HEAR YOU, LUCREZIA! AND I AM FREE!” The unearthly voice echoed throughout the huge chamber.

Lucrezia froze, and then rolled her eyes toward Violetta. “Um… Perhaps I should have asked, but…where are we, exactly?”

Violetta had finally taken her eyes off Lucrezia, and was staring at the shaft. “Hm? Oh. A big power chamber under Castle Heterodyne. Your ‘friend’ is in a…well, I guess it’s a secret room or something we opened underneath.”

Lucrezia screamed again, this time her eyes wide with terror. “Get me loose!” she cried frantically. “Get me loose NOW!”

There was a terrible laugh from the shaft, and the thing spoke again: “I’ll get you loose! Oooh, yessss…” intensely bright light flared at the bottom of the shaft. Von Zinzer shut his eyes in pain. When he opened them again, there was something silhouetted against the glare, laboriously making its way up the side of the shaft.

Von Zinzer stared at his broom and gripped it tighter. “You guys really need to hurry up with the zapping, ’cause whatever is down there, it’s coming up here!” he yelled.

Lucrezia’s voice was a frantic whisper. “Release me!”

Violetta idly clicked the switch again. “Are you still going on about that?”

“Fool!” Violetta caught something different in Lucrezia’s voice and turned to listen. “If that thing reaches me, this girl will die! And I know that will spoil your Master’s precious plans!”

“Violetta,” Mezzasalma called out. “The power should be restored! Hit it!”

Violetta nodded. She shrugged apologetically to Lucrezia. “Sorry, you’ll have to come up with a better threat than that.”

Lucrezia looked wary. “Oh, really? But—”

Violetta narrowed her eyes. “Tarvek’s not my master, and the Lady Heterodyne was planning on dying today anyway. Second switch!”

This time Lucrezia’s scream was one of agony as the current roared through her. Violetta resolutely spun about and examined the console. “All right!” she shouted. “Her Si Vales Valeo connection is now fully engaged! Tarvek’s revivification sequence should start any second!” Silence answered her. “Hey! She’s really gonna be mad if I blow him up after all this trouble, so I need his readings, now! Professor? Answer me!”

There was a flare of blue light from the banks of controls. “I dare not leave this junk unattended!” Mezzasalma shouted. He was holding two sparking components together with both hands. “Where is Miss Snaug?”

Violetta glanced down at Snaug and bit her lip. The woman was still unconscious at her feet. “Moloch!”

Von Zinzer stepped back from the lip of the shaft, panting. He’d so far managed to keep the impossible thing he’d seen in the shaft from climbing out, but it was hard work. All he had to hand was a broom. “Kind of busy here,” he yelled, prodding the thing back down with the bristled end. It giggled.

“Snaug’s…she’s been knocked out! I need you on Tarvek’s system!”

Von Zinzer shook his head. “Forget it! I’m—”

What looked like an iron reaping hook arced up out of the pit and sliced von Zinzer’s broom handle in two, centimeters from his hand. He leapt backward. “On my way!”

He lunged to the controls and, not liking what he saw, slammed his fist against the side of the machine. Instantly the readouts swung wildly and then snapped back to more satisfactory positions. Still, he frowned. “Sturmvarous’s readings are at eighty-three percent! We’re gonna need more! Can we increase the flow on this thing?”

“Not from the Lady Heterodyne,” Violetta said, she’s already at her limit. She bit her lip. “I…I’m bringing Wulfenbach’s connection back to full strength!”

Mezzasalma called out, “But didn’t she say that we shouldn’t?”

“No choice! He’s the only other source we have! In three…two… one…NOW!”

She slammed home a knife switch, and Gil shuddered in place. Lights blossomed across von Zinzer’s board. “Hey!” he said beaming. “That did it! It worked!”

Tarvek’s eyes snapped open. With an inhuman scream, he tore himself free of his restraints.

Tarvek grabbed von Zinzer and roared. “I LIVE!”

Von Zinzer felt Tarvek’s hands tightening painfully upon his arms. “Whoa! Worked a little too well!” he squeaked.

Tarvek’s face twisted into a maniacal scream. “And now I will—”

“Hey!” Von Zinzer interrupted, distracted. He was staring over Tarvek’s shoulder and pointed, “Check it out.”

Tarvek turned and stared. He dropped von Zinzer and reached for his glasses, which he adjusted carefully—never taking his eyes from the thing emerging from the shaft in the floor. “Good heavens.” He said, apparently shocked back to semi-sanity.⁸⁹

It was an angel. A mechanical angel almost three meters tall. Its wings had once been elegant, elaborate constructions, but now they were nothing but a twisted framework, dangling a few threadbare and grimy metal-lace feathers. Once, it had been dressed in some kind of tunic but this was also worn to a few tatters. Although there was an enormous cracked leather scabbard chained to its back, it was armed with a twisted girder and a rusty bladed hook.

A pair of blazing, pitiless green eyes stared from its stern face. Matted hair framed its features, partially obscuring the golden fleur-de-lis of the Storm King that adorned its brow.

“Aaaaahhh…Little rats…” The angel’s voice was harsh and strained—and hauntingly familiar. “Little rats busy in my cellar. Where is your Queen, little rats? Where is Lucrezia?”

Von Zinzer saw the look on Tarvek’s face. “You know what that thing is?”

“Otilia,” Tarvek whispered in awe. “The Muse of Protection!⁹⁰ She’s been lost for over two hundred years!”

The Muse straightened from its crouch and took a tentative step forward. Both Tarvek and von Zinzer noted the stiffness of its joints. “Where is Lucrezia? She has betrayed the House of Heterodyne.” Another step. “Give her to me, or I will crush you all.”

Von Zinzer swallowed. “This is bad.” He whispered to Tarvek. “She’ll kill Agatha.”

“Not if I can help it.” Tarvek whispered back. He strode forward, trailing the tubes and wires that still connected him to the great array. By the time he stood before Otilia, he stood as a Prince, radiating power and authority. “Stop! I am Prince Tarvek of the House of Sturmvarous. I am the direct descendant of Andronicus Valois and heir to the Lightning Throne. I am the Storm King, so acknowledged by your sisters Moxana and Tinka, who have sworn their allegiance to me.

“You were created to serve me and I demand your fealty.”

The casual blow from the girder that caught him across the chest threw him back into the machinery where von Zinzer cringed. “That never works, you know,” von Zinzer said sympathetically as he helped Tarvek back his feet.

Tarvek brushed him aside. “No! That should have worked! Something is not right!”

“Tarvek!” Violetta’s voice held the beginnings of panic. “Lady Heterodyne’s readings are starting to crash! I need another Spark over here!”

Tarvek rolled his eyes. “Get her ready for the next step,” he called back, never taking his eyes from the giant clank. “Disengage the Si Vales Valeo circuit, then begin reversing my settings!” He shoved von Zinzer towards Violetta. “You! Hook her up to the electricals. I’ll be right there.”

“Yessir!”

The clank had paused to listen and was now slowly looking about the great chamber. “Sparks…” It mused, “What are you people doing down here? Where is the Lord Heterodyne? Which of you bellows pumpers is his Chief Assistant?”

“I am!” Tarvek again strode forward. “Now listen to me! You did not hear Lucrezia!”

The clank stared down at him and lazily twirled the girder around her fingers as she spoke. “I know who I heard.” The girder froze, pointing at Tarvek’s face. “And you? I see the resemblance, and can well believe you to be a degenerate whelp of the Valois.” Again the girder moved around its hand. “You are no assistant to the House of Heterodyne and I have no patience with your obvious lies.”

The girder arced down and Tarvek caught it in his hands. The momentum of the great piece of metal drove him several steps backward, but he remained undamaged, and held it firm.

“I am not lying,” he said in a strained voice, “Look about. Do you see Lucrezia here?”

“You…are surprisingly strong.” The clank paused. Its head moved slightly with a whine of servos, and it was obvious that it was examining the others.

Violetta’s jaw sagged down. “That’s a steel girder. How—?”

Von Zinzer grimaced. “Post-revivification rush.⁹¹ He’ll feel it later.”

Meanwhile, Tarvek fought to bring his mind to speed. He’d pay for everything that happened to him later, but here and now… he felt the pressure on the girder relax, minutely. He spoke again.

“Yes. I am. Now listen. The person you heard was Lucrezia and Bill Heterodyne’s daughter, Agatha. The current Lady Heterodyne. Yes, she sounds like her mother, but she’s the last person who would help Lucrezia in any way.” His voice lowered to a menacing growl—“And I will not let you touch her.”

The girder was pulled back abruptly as the eyes of the clank flared bright. “The current Lady Heterodyne?” The clank began to vibrate. “Then the old Lord is dead?”

Tarvek nodded slowly. “Dead and gone for many years. Agatha is the last of the Heterodyne famly.”

“The…the last? But his brother?”

“Also gone. Agatha is the last, I tell you.”

The clank looked off into some mechanical infinity. “A girl child…” it mused. “If true, I could work with that…but…”

Next to Violetta, Lucrezia groaned as she regained consciousness. “Miserable lackeys,” she whispered. “I’ll feed your flesh to the spiders. Grind your bones to powder to sweeten my tea…”

Von Zinzer slapped a hand across her mouth. “Violetta! Hurry!” He searched for the last couplings and yelped. “We’re all prepped here! Really, really prepped! Ow! And she’s biting me!”

Violetta resolutely tried to ignore him and keep her attention focused on the tortuous sequence scrawled on the paper before her. She flipped another switch. “Going as fast as I can,” she shouted back.

The clank focused again upon Tarvek. “The last of the family… and she is a true Heterodyne? You are sure?”

Tarvek nodded. “Absolutely. She has even been accepted by the Castle.”

The girder smashed into the floor at Tarvek’s feet. “Oh, no, she has not!” the clank screamed.

At this, Lucrezia roused enough to look at what was happening around her. At the sight of the angelic muse, she squealed in fear and froze, allowing von Zinzer to slam a final restraint across her mouth. “Now!” He turned and yelled even as he tightened the last buckle. “Hit it now!”

With a roar, the generators spun faster, and bolts of electricity began flowing through Agatha’s body.

Violetta shielded her eyes against the glare and stared at the console. “Power readings—” She paused in surprise. “Um…the power readings look pretty good, actually.”

Professor Mezzasalma strutted up to her side and shrugged self deprecatingly. “Well…a circuit is like an elegant lady, spot–weld her enough and—” He caught sight of the angel for the first time. “What the hell is that?”

As the machinery crackled, the angel looked up and nodded approvingly. “I will speak with your ‘Lady Heterodyne.’ Release her from this array and I will judge her worth.”

Tarvek made a placating motion. “Not yet. She’s sick. We’re treating her right now. If we decouple her before we’re finished, she will die.”

“That’s done it,” von Zinzer sang out. “The readings are flattening aaaand…There! That’s it! She’s dead as a doornail!”

He looked up to see Tarvek glaring at him. “What?”

“Ix-nay on the ead-dey!” Tarvek hissed. Of course, it was too late.

The angel turned its head towards Tarvek. “Wait. You’re telling me that this girl was the last of the family, and you fools have just killed her? Before my very eyes, no less?”

“Oooh, sorry about that…” von Zinzer whispered, his eyes widening.

Tarvek smiled desperately. “Well, only a little.” He took a deep breath. “Look, it’s very simple. Yes, she’s technically dead, but it’s a kind of rolling death thing, so she’s dead, yes, but still dying, so you can’t really say that she’s all the way dead, which is important, because—”

Von Zinzer slammed Tarvek out of the way. The girder smashed down hard enough to crack the stone floor where he’d been standing. Tarvek sighed. “Yeah, okay, I could’ve put that better.”

Mezzasalma screamed at him. “Get it away from the machines, you idiot!”

“Moloch! Don’t just stand there cringing!” Violetta added, “Get Lady Heterodyne ready for the final stage!”

Tarvek was trying to dodge the Muse’s two-pronged attack. “And you!” Violetta shouted at him, “We’re going to need you to help revive her.”

Tarvek spun, dodging a sweep of the bladed hook, which struck a blur of sparks off a pipe. “Oh, sure, no problem. I’ll be right there.”

He grabbed the angel’s weapons and held them at arm’s length as he shouted over his shoulder. “You all are aware that once the revivification process begins, someone else is going to have to do the fighting over here?”

Violetta looked at von Zinzer—

“Forget it,” von Zinzer said flatly.

Tarvek looked back at the enraged clank. “Please. Let us reason together. If you’d just let us finish undisturbed…”

The angel paused. “This miserable excuse for a cognitive engine.” Its metal fist slammed into the side of its own head. “Situational dissidence has exceeded operating parameters.” It straightened up. “Killing you will not solve anything.”

Tarvek let out a sigh of relief. “Good. Then we can—”

The angel continued. “Go to fallback interaction sequence: kill everyone anyway. Masters will sort out remains.”

Again it lashed out with its weapons, but now there was a new purpose to Tarvek’s reactions.

“I was afraid of this,” he told the clank. “It appears that your mental processes have suffered severe deterioration.” He leapt to one side and snatched up a thick pipe. “You may be one of Van Rijn’s masterpieces, and it’s a shame to damage you further, even in self-defense…”

He leapt in and delivered a brutal blow that snapped the clank’s head back and caused it to drop the hook. “But I told you. I won’t let you hurt Agatha.” Another blow and the clank went down on one knee, its internal gyroscopes screaming with effort. “If we’re both lucky, I can take you down quickly, and repair you later.”

The clank looked like it was about to topple, but instead used the momentum to snap the girder around, surprising Tarvek, who had but scant moments to dodge.

Mezzasalma stared in admiration. “He’s doing remarkably well.” He smiled nostalgically. “Nothing like a good Post-Revivification Rush.”

Violetta snorted as she quickly replaced a rack of burnt out tubes. “Otilia is the one that’s doing surprisingly well. The Muses were toys! They weren’t supposed to be heavy-duty fighting clanks. Otilia had some fancy sword flourishes that she would perform to entertain visitors, but she was built for teaching, not bludgeoning people to death!”

The Professor looked at her, impressed. “You sound like you know a lot about the Muses.”

Violetta looked at him from under lowered eyebrows. “If I had a Belgian chocolate mimmoth for every hour I’ve had to listen to Tarvek blather on about those stupid Muses, I’d weigh a thousand kilos.”⁹²

Mezzasalma looked impressed. “Really?”

She nodded. “Oh yeah, I worked it out once.” She was roused by von Zinzer’s shout. “Agatha’s clean! Let’s go!”

Violetta slammed the lid down on the console and saw that all of the lights were green. She called out, “Tarvek! Hurry up! I’m hitting the switch in three…”

Tarvek stared up at the mechanical angel and desperately held up a hand. “Please! Stop! You have to listen to me! You’re a Muse! I—”

“…Two…

The clank threw its head back and laughed at him. “Stupid little king,” it hissed. “I am not one of your pretty Muses.” It drew itself up.

“…One…”

“Even trapped in this miserable shell, I am Castle Heterodyne!”

Mezzasalma paused in shock. His face went pale. “The Castle?” he breathed. Then he jerked back to action. “Hit the switch! Hit it now!”

Violetta hesitated. “But she…it…when he stops fighting, it’ll kill him…”

Mezzasalma’s fist crashed down upon the switch. “Without the Lady beside us, it will kill us all!”

A fresh surge of power ripped through Tarvek and Gil. Tarvek froze in agony and the clank nodded and raised its girder triumphantly.

“And now, little king rat, you are—”

A wild battle cry split the air. “You are SUUUPER LUCKY!” Zeetha shouted cheerfully as she slammed her foot into the back of the angel’s head, sending it crashing to the floor.

Professor Mezzasalma looked like an irate opera patron who had lost his program. “And who the devil is this?”

“Who cares?” Violetta answered as she got to work. “She’s bought us time! Get to your places!”

Von Zinzer paused, and yelled over to Zeetha, “Hey, you! The clank says it’s the Castle! Give it a kick for me!” He then turned back to Gil’s console and involuntarily sucked in his breath in dismay. “Wulfenbach’s readings aren’t looking too good!”

Mezzasalma smoothly swapped out a series of fuses in-between power sequences. “That would be because he was tapped to help revive Sturmvarous and has not yet had a chance to regenerate his élan vital.⁹³ As long as the red meter stays above thirty-three, he should be fine.”

Von Zinzer observed the needle bouncing erratically between thirty-four and thirty-two and rolled his eyes.

“Probably,” amended Mezzasalma.

Violetta began to look worried. “I need someone to monitor Lady Heterodyne!”

“I can do it.”

Violetta spun in surprise and saw a handsome, dark young man with a pince-nez peering over her shoulder with interest. He introduced himself with a grin. “Theopholous DuMedd. What are we doing?”

Mezzasalma swung over, enmeshed in a web of spitting electrical cables. “Modified Si Vales Valeo rolling resurrection chain between the three of them!” he shouted.

Theo stared at him in shock. “But that…that’s…” He grinned again, a mad fire lighting his eyes. “That’s amazing!”

Violetta rolled her eyes and then flinched as a board spat sparks and a dial-face exploded in a small ball of flame.

Theo flinched. “Sleipnir! We’ve got a fire—I need you!”

“You’d better believe it!” A red-haired girl with goggles sprayed the burning console with a quick blast of carbon dioxide. “I’m on it. Looks like an overloaded junction router.” She glanced at Violetta. “Do you have any butter?”

Violetta looked at the girl blankly. Sleipnir raised a hand reassuringly. “Never mind, brought my own!”

Violetta nodded uncertainly. “Well, then I guess everything is going to be fine then.” She turned around and found herself face to face with a large white cat wearing a gaudy red coat.

“You’re new to all this, aren’t you,” Krosp asked sympathetically.

“WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?” Violetta screamed.

With a shriek of triumph, Lucrezia pulled herself free from her chair. “Oooh, Yes! Look out world!”

“She’s loose!” Violetta blanched. “But how? I strapped her down with—”

Theo gave a laugh and waved a hand self-deprecatingly. “Oh, I got those. After all, we’re going to need Agatha to—”

“THAT’S NOT AGATHA!”

Theo felt a fist close on his shirt and haul him up and forward. He stared down into Lucrezia’s triumphant visage. “She’s not?”

Lucrezia examined him with appreciation. “Ooooh, aren’t you a cutie,” she crooned. “Hello.”

At the sound of Lucrezia’s voice, Zeetha spun around, turning her back on the clank. “You took her locket off? Coming!” she called, dashing past Airman Higgs. “Deal with the clank!” she told him.

Higgs watched her go and then turned to look at the clank, which was climbing to its feet. He sighed and released a small puff of smoke from his pipe.

The clank saw him and pointed at him with a shaky hand. “You-You-You—” It stuttered as it lurched toward him. “You are all intruders and I-I will squash you into j-jelly!”

Higgs took his pipe from his mouth, absently crushed out the coal with a callused thumb, and slipped it into his pocket while giving the towering clank a sympathetic look. He spoke. “Hey.”

The clank paused in surprise. He continued, “I don’t want to fight you.”

The clank clashed its jaws in fury. “That’s too-too ba-ad!” It raised the girder high and swept it down faster than the eye could follow, shattering the stone floor.

The clank refocused its eyes with a click. The man had been standing right—

From the side, Higgs gave the clank’s elbow a knowledgeable prod. “Tsk. Look here. These joints are out of alignment.”

Gyroscopes squealed as Otilia spun in place, the girder sliced through the air—“DIE!” Otilia screamed—But Higgs was gone.

A fingernail tapped against Otilia’s spinal array. “Huh. Looks like all these load-bearing structures are out of kilter…”

This time the clank moved so fast that it actually connected. The fist holding the girder slammed into the airman’s face, sending him into the nearest wall so hard that it left cracks.

The angel shuddered in pleasure and turned, joints faintly smoking, towards the others. “And now-now-now I’ll kill the-the rest of you—”

“Huh,” a mildly surprised voice came from behind the angel. “But those galvanic relays are still working.” The angel spun back in surprise as Higgs pulled himself from the slight dent in the wall. He brushed his sleeves off thoughtfully. “That’s good,” he said to the clank sincerely. “Be a shame if you got too messed up.”

Lucrezia was gaily laughing as she waved Theo about at arm’s length. “You thought you were aiding my daughter, eh?” She gave him a playful shake. “How very droll!” The laughter cut off as if by a switch. “But now…”

“Wait!” Theo gasped. “You’re…you’re Aunt Lucrezia?”

Lucrezia almost fell over in surprise. “Pardon?”

Theo feebly waved his hands about. “I’m Theopholous DuMedd! Your nephew! Your sister, Serpentina Mongfish? She was my mother!”

Theo’s feet touched the ground. “Little Theo?” She stared up at him and shook her head admiringly. “Oh, how you’ve grown! I haven’t seen you since…”

“You came to my christening!”

Lucrezia gave a fond smile and put a hand to her cheek. “Why… So I did!”

Theo nodded. “And you brought me a clockwork snake!”

Lucrezia went misty-eyed. “Mr. Hissyfit! He used to be mine, you know,” she confided.

“Yes! He tried to eat my father and knocked the bishop into the punchbowl!”

Lucrezia smiled nostalgically and gently took Theo’s face in her hands. “Oh, let me look at you! My, yes! You do take after your father.”

Theo smiled. “Really?”

Her hand clamped around his throat. “Oh, yesss. You know, when we first met, he blew up my favorite lair, and then he had the temerity to leave me behind while he escaped with my sister, dear little goody-goody Serpentina.” Her fist tightened.

“Really,” Theo choked out.

Lucrezia’s eyes narrowed. “And I never liked her much, either.”

Stars slowly swam before Theo’s eyes. “Really?”

Lucrezia’s fist tightened again. “Really.”

The angel clank stared at Higgs, then glanced again at the damaged wall. “You-non-possible-you…” it said haltingly. It focused again on Higgs and new lights came on behind its eyes. “Accessing non-essential core memories…”

A set of lights flashed green. Higgs held up a hand. “Wait…”

Tarvek shivered back to consciousness and rose on one elbow. “What’s happening?” he mumbled.

The clank straightened and stared at Airman Higgs. “I know you,” it whispered. Tarvek coughed, and the clank pointed to him. “You must help me. By the terms of—”

In a single smooth motion, Higgs stooped and grabbed a large hammer off the floor. With a sideways blow, he hit the clank so hard that its top half tore free and smashed into a wall several meters away.

He then dropped the hammer and turned to Tarvek, who was staring at him in terror. “You…” His eyes clicked to the angel’s twitching legs. “How…” He then looked up into the airman’s bland, indifferent face. “Don’t…”

Higgs’s hand moved. Tarvek flinched—and then saw that the man was simply reaching into his coat pocket to pull out his pipe. Higgs continued to silently regard Tarvek as he slipped it into the corner of his mouth. He then pulled it out and pointed at the broken clank with the stem while his eyes never left Tarvek. “More messed up than I thought,” he sighed. “All this fighting must’ve been too much for it.” He put the pipe back into his mouth. “Not really made for fightin’, you know?”

The two men stared at each other for a timeless moment. Then Higgs squatted down until his face was a few centimeters from Tarvek’s own. “Don’t you agree?” He paused. “Sir?”

Tarvek stared up into Higgs’s eyes, and without the man shifting, or even changing expression, Tarvek was suddenly all too aware of the rock by his side, the one that could have fallen and smashed his head; The live wire sparking a meter away, the one that could easily have touched his foot; The great fists of the Muse, still twitching faintly, that could have, all too plausibly, crushed his throat just before it fell apart…

“Goodness, yes,” Tarvek said reasonably. “Why, it’s a miracle that it was still functioning at all!”

Higgs nodded once, almost imperceptibly, as his eyebrows rose with interest. “Is that so? Guess we got lucky.” He straightened and offered Tarvek a friendly hand up. “I’ll tell ’em you said that, sir.”

Meanwhile, Zeetha bounded towards Lucrezia. “Okay, spooky girl,” she sang out. “Time to go back to sleep!”

Effortlessly, using Theo as a blunt object, Lucrezia swatted Zeetha backward into Violetta’s arms.

“Ah…I meant you, not me…” Zeetha mumbled. Then she rallied. “She seems healthy, anyway. That’s good. I guess. Ouch.”

Violetta nodded glumly. “She’s riding the Post Revivification Rush. She’ll be faster, tougher, and stronger for a while. Also meaner.” She peered at Zeetha. “You—I saw you in a circus once, right?”

Zeetha blinked. “Uh…probably…”

Violetta firmly pushed her aside. “Okay, you listen up. This thing inside the Lady Heterodyne is a killer. Stage clowning will only get you killed, so you just stay back here out of the way while we sort her out.”

Zeetha’s blinked. Then her eyes narrowed. “Oh, I’ve got news for you. That harpy inside Agatha? She’s only the second most dangerous thing in the room.”⁹⁴

Violetta nodded. “Well of course. There’s all this half-baked madboy stuff lying around.”

“I am Zeetha! Daughter of Chump! Royal princess guardian of Skifander!”

Violetta rolled her eyes. “Oh jeez—seriously?”

“Silence!” Lucrezia shouted. “I am leaving! If you want this fool to live, you will not impede me!”

“No,” Theo protested. “You can’t!”

“Oh don’t worry,” Lucrezia assured him. “Killing you will be simplicity itself.”

“Um…That’s not actually what I meant…”

Lucrezia shook her head affectionately. “Silly boy.”

“You’re not killing anybody,” Violetta announced. “Because I won’t let you.”

Lucrezia looked at her with contempt. “Oh, just look at you. You’re one of the Order’s Smoke Knights. With your pathetic attempts at misdirection and your silly sleight of hand. But I am Lucrezia Mongfish, and whether you acknowledge it or not, your order serves me.”

Violetta crossed her arms. “Oh this is sweet. Okay, two things: First, like I told you, I no longer serve the Order. And second, I specialize in misdirection and sleight of hand.” She grinned.

Lucrezia stared at her. “…And that’s supposed to impress me how?”

Everyone was staring at her now, and Lucrezia suddenly realized that she was clutching, not Theo, but a Theo-sized bundle of cloth tied up with twine. She screamed and flung it aside.

Theo looked at Violetta with new respect. “Wow!”

Zeetha closed her mouth and tried to look unimpressed. “Not bad,” she allowed.

Violetta made an elegant “after you” bow. “Your turn, ‘princess.’”

Zeetha snorted and strode forward. Lucrezia looked wary. She backed away, shrugging off the harness that bound her to the array. “I know better than to fight you, Skifandrian!”

Zeetha almost stumbled with surprise, but caught herself and a grin slowly spread across her face. “You do?” She ostentatiously cracked her knuckles. “Now that’s interesting.”⁹⁵

“Stay back,” Lucrezia demanded.

Zeetha’s grin grew more predatory. “Or what? You’ll hurt Agatha? So what? She’s tough, she’ll get over it.” Zeetha gave a feral grin. “You’ll kill her? I don’t think you could do it hard enough. Not here.”

Lucrezia’s eyes narrowed. “Then I’ll just have to settle for a distraction.” And with that she swept the heavy crown of lights off of her head and flung it towards the array. It tore into the machinery near Gil’s slab. Lightning and exploding droplets of molten metal erupted and the air filled with smoke.

Zeetha didn’t bother to look. She lashed out with a looping right cross that snapped Lucrezia’s head to one side.

“How is that supposed to distract me,” Zeetha sneered. “That’s a problem for the Sparks. My job is to take you out so they can work.” She paused to deliver a neat backhand punch to Fraulein Snaug, who had been sneaking up behind her. “Although that was a nice try.”

Lucrezia rubbed her jaw and visibly rallied. “Wretched girl! Did you think I would fold with one punch?” She swayed slightly. “Or… or was that two?”

Her teeth snapped together with an audible clack as Zeetha danced in and delivered a quick uppercut.

“Nah,” Zeetha said judiciously, “It’ll take twenty punches. Maybe thirty—you’re wound pretty tight.”

“That’s right, I am!” Lucrezia snarled as she leapt forward. “Which means I only have to hit you once!”

Violetta slammed a boot into the side of her head, then stood over her, peering down into her face. “Oh, like I’m going to let that happen.”

Zeetha looked offended. “Hey! Hey! I’m working here. You got DuMedd out, I’m wearing her down.”

Violetta snorted. “As far as I can see, you’re just waltzing around and playing with her. You’d better let up, or you’re really going to hurt her. She’s already worn down.”

Lucrezia uncoiled from the floor and caught Violetta with a punch to the jaw that lifted her feet from the floor.

Zeetha shrugged modestly. “See? She’s not ‘worn out’, I’m just really good.”

Violetta waved a hand from where she’d landed. “Okay, yeah, got it. Thanks.”

Professor Mezzasalma stared in horror at the lightning that enveloped Gil. “The controls are fused,” he cried. “I can’t shut it down! He’s going to fry—and no power on Earth can stop it!”

Suddenly, the lightning storm vanished. There was popping and the cooling of metal. Mezzasalma turned, astonished, to see von Zinzer holding up the plug end of the cable that had connected the main array to the power generators. Mezzasalma stared at von Zinzer a moment, then smacked him on the back of the head.

Tarvek took control. “Get Gil out of there!” he ordered. “Clear off that table and find me a medical bag!”

Gil was unconscious. The four men decoupled him and hauled him to a clear bench. Tarvek examined him and bit his lip in frustration.

“Hey!” Von Zinzer poked Gil’s arm. “His color is back to normal.” He looked at Tarvek. “You too.”

Tarvek stared at his own hand in astonishment, then glanced at Lucrezia. She was also back to normal.

“DIE!” Lucrezia screamed.

Sort of normal. “So how is Wulfenbach doing?” Von Zinzer asked.

“Not good,” Tarvek reported. “We haven’t finished the last part of the process yet.” He gave Gil a gentle slap. “Hey! Gil! Hang on! The system’s been damaged!”

Mezzasalma grabbed von Zinzer and Sleipnir. “The two of you, come with me. I want a full diagnostic!”

Tarvek leaned in and muttered, “If you die before it gets fixed, I swear I’ll kill you!”

To his astonishment, Gil’s eyes fluttered halfway open. “Afraid you won’t have time,” he whispered.

Violetta sprang back to her feet. “So if you’re so hot, why are you still fooling around with her?”

Zeetha looked offended. “I’m not ‘fooling around’, I’m learning.” She waved towards a swaying Lucrezia. “For instance, she’s lousy at hand-to-hand combat.”

“I will crush you,” Lucrezia snarled.

“Probably she’s used to batting her eyes and wiggling her hips and getting other people to do her fighting for her.”

Lucrezia’s face went red. “SILENCE!”

Zeetha grinned. “Plus, she’s pretty bossy.”

Lucrezia kicked a hammer that lay on the floor, sending it flying at Zeetha’s head. As Zeetha ducked, Lucrezia rushed her. Zeetha casually stepped to one side and held out an arm, sending Lucrezia crashing onto her back. “She is pretty good at dirty fighting, though,” she said admiringly. “It might help if we knew where Agatha’s locket was.”

Violetta gave a guilty start. “Oh, I’ve got it. So you knock her down and sit on her and I’ll slap it back on.”

An embarrassment flitted across Zeetha’s face. “Ah. Well…all kidding aside, she’s a little too strong for me one-on-one. She’s ignoring blows that should bring her down. Agatha is going to ache all over when she gets back.” Zeetha shrugged. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I could hit her harder but that might kill her. It’s all I can do to keep her from escaping.” She gave Violetta a look. “If you’re so good at sneaking, why don’t you—”

Violetta shook her head. “I’ve been trying, but she’s too fast, and she knows my moves. She’s ready for them.”

Zeetha frowned. “I didn’t see you do anything.”

“I should hope not.”

Von Zinzer dashed up. “Why are you two still fooling around with her?”

Violetta scowled with irritation. “Don’t distract us. All we can do is dance with her until her revivification edge wears off.”

Von Zinzer rolled his eyes. “How long will that be?”

Violetta shrugged. “Ask the Sparks. Could be an hour. Maybe two.”

“Can you speed it up? Sturmvoraus needs her.”

“Well, he’ll just have to be patient.”

Von Zinzer rubbed his neck. “I don’t think he can. Wulfenbach’s dying.”

This caught Zeetha and Violetta by surprise, and they both turned to look toward the array and Gil. Lucrezia saw her opening. She sprang forward, both her fists connecting solidly with her opponent’s jaws. “Thank you for the distraction,” she sang out to von Zinzer. She jerked Zeetha up by her hair and gloated as she prepared to drive her fist in through the dazed girl’s eye. “I’ll be sure to tell dear Klaus that his boy was ever so helpful!”

She stopped. There was confusion in her eyes. “NO!” she shouted. “What?” Her head began to jerk from side to side, and she seemed to be arguing with herself. “He’s dying!”

“I don’t care!”

“NO!”

“I won’t…”

Zeetha, Violetta and von Zinzer stared as the shouts became more and more frantic.

“He’s dying!”

“How dare you!”

“HE’S DYING!”

“Give up!”

“NEVER!”

Lucrezia rocked back, then toppled to the ground. She curled into a ball on the floor, and then Agatha opened her eyes, panting. “And that is not going to happen in my Castle!” she finished.

Von Zinzer stared at her and gingerly began to help her up. “Hey… Are you…”

“My locket!” Agatha’s voice was strained, and sweat poured off of her. “Get it on me! Quickly!”

Violetta was already beside her. The clasp shut with a snap.

Agatha slumped and would have fallen if Violetta and von Zinzer hadn’t supported her. She was gasping for breath.

Zeetha watched as she slowly got to her feet. “Good girl. That was… impressive. Remember you can do that. Preferably sooner next time.”

Agatha nodded. “Gil. It was…” She looked at von Zinzer. “He’s in trouble?”

“Prince Sturmvarous says he’s dying.”

Gil lay on the table and stared upwards. He felt things beginning to close in on him. He was so tired, and really, what had it all been for? Perhaps it would be a…a relief to let go and—

Agatha slammed her hands onto the table and screamed in his ear. “DON’T YOU DARE!”

Gil was instantly shocked back to awareness. Agatha’s face loomed before him, her eyes filled with fury. “Is this supposed to impress us? ‘Oooh, all my friends went and died, so now I have to do it too.’”

The sheer absurdity of this gave Gil’s brain a kickstart and he tried to answer. He made a soft gurgle of protest.

“Oh, no you don’t! Don’t even try to justify it,” Agatha said hotly. “You do not get to die just because ‘everyone else did!’ Do you hear me?” She pounded the table next to his shoulder.

A small flame of outrage awoke in Gil’s mind and began to grow, fed by sheer frustration. He stirred, and began to formulate a devastating reply to Agatha’s unfair accusations. He then realized, with even more frustration, that he was unlikely to get a chance to deliver it.

Tarvek had been frozen with horror at the scene before him, but finally sputtered to life. “Agatha! What the devil are you doing to him?”

He was about to stride forward when a hand grabbed his harness and jerked him back. Tarvek turned and saw Sleipnir staring at the medical readouts. “Whatever she’s doing—don’t make her stop. Gil’s readings are improving.” She gave a quick grin. “He always loved a good argument.”

Elsewhere in the silent castle, a small group of prisoners huddled at the bottom of a deep stone pit. They were the last survivors of the group Zola had driven into unknown parts of the Castle in pursuit of Agatha and now they were trapped by the Castle, waiting for death in the dark.

Sanaa still hoped for rescue. She could see the slight opening several meters above them where the floor had tilted and thrown them all down here. Nervously, she ran her hand through her pink tinted hair and screamed up at it. She had been calling for help for hours and her voice was hoarse.

The others watched her with varying levels of apathy and annoyance.

Snapper clashed his metal jaws together. They gleamed in the semi-darkness. “That is really getting on my nerves,” he declared.

Normally this statement would have caused a sudden cessation of any activity within his extended vicinity, but this time the others merely shrugged.

“Quit yer mewling,” Dr. Wrench told him.

He was an older man who was never seen without a thick set of work gloves and he was known for his stoic calm. “Someone findin’ us is our only chance.”

The immense construct, R-79, raised his head and grimaced. When he shifted, the intricate webwork of stitching that crossed and recrossed his body creaked softly. “We have no chance,” he rumbled. “Never did.”

Squinaldo, the tall, tattooed man sitting beside the construct, did what few other people on Earth would dare, and smacked the creature on the arm. “Don’t talk like that, paesano. It’s bad luck. Talk about something else.”

The hulking brute pondered this advice. “Oh. Okay.” It searched for a topic and as usual, settled on the most inappropriate one for the moment. “You think maybe human flesh taste like chicken?”

Snapper got a dreamy look in his eyes. “Oh no, it’s more like pork,” he crooned. “Sweet, succulent…” a thin bead of drool ran down his metal jaw.

“You are not helping,” Wrench snapped.

“Hello,” a cheerful voice called from above. “Is someone in there?”

Instantly they were all on their feet, shouting. “Yes! We’re trapped!”

“Yes, I see. Hold on!” With a grinding sound, the top of the trap began to shift to the side, letting in a wan light. All of the prisoners flinched.

“Who’s there?” Wrench called out.

“Why, I am Othar Tryggvassen! Gentleman Adventurer!” Silence greeted this revelation. Othar chuckled. “Now I don’t expect any thanks from lawless, murdering scum like yourselves, but as long as I’m here, the least I can do is rescue you and hope that incarceration has allowed you to reconsider your dissolute ways! Just to keep my hand in, you understand.”

Within the pit, the prisoners stared up at him, paralyzed.

“The Othar Tryggvassen,” Snapper said hoarsely. “Oh, fry me!”

“He broke up the Slaver’s Guild,” Squinaldo muttered.

The giant construct nervously bit his fingers. “He just broke R-78 and R-76.”

“He broke my master’s Doom Ships,” Wrench sighed.

“He broke his word,” Sanaa said firmly.

Everyone paused at this, including Othar. “I assure you, Miss, that Othar Tryggvassen does not break his…” Suddenly Othar gave a start and peered down at the girl. “Good heavens,” he said. “Sanaa? Is that you?”

Squinaldo gaped at Sanaa. “Wait—You know him?”

The pink-haired girl rolled her eyes. “Oh, yes. He’s only my stupid brother, isn’t he?”

“What do you think you’re doing here, young lady?” Othar thundered. “And what have you done to your hair?” He pointed at her dramatically. “You stay right where you are while I get a rope!”

Everyone in the pit stared after him in shock.

“You’re…you’re really his sister?” Wrench asked.

Sanaa shrugged. “Oh, yes.”

“But…your last name? Wilhelm?”

Sanaa looked at him evenly. “And how long do you think I’d’ve lasted in here as a Tryggvassen? The old guy who sent me in here suggested I change it, so I used his.”

Wrench nodded. Many of the prisoners sought anonymity.

R-79 cast a worried look upwards. “I think maybe Mister Othar will not be our friend.”

Snapper clacked his jaws thoughtfully. “Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that.” In an instant, he was behind Sanaa with his arm encircling her throat. “Not if he wants his tasty little sister back in one—”

Sanaa slammed her head back into Snapper’s nose with a soft crunch. Snapper screamed and released her. Sanaa spun and delivered a kick to his jaw that audibly snapped his neck before throwing him into the wall.

The other prisoners stared at the dead man and looked at each other in embarrassment. R-79 summed it up for everyone. “Even I knew that was stupid.”

Wrench nodded matter-of-factly. “Requiescat in pace and all that. Dibs on his boots.”

Squinaldo just stared at Sanaa wide-eyed.

“I said I’m his sister,” she said.

“I can see the resemblance.”

Soon enough, a workman’s ladder thudded down into place and Sanaa scrambled up it. The others followed, then quietly slipped away as the siblings began to argue.

“I left you at home,” Othar said with annoyance.

“Yes you did,” Sanaa replied. “After you said that we would go adventuring!” Othar paused and a vaguely guilty look crossed his face. Sanaa soldiered on. “You promised! I was going to be your spunky girl sidekick!”

“Unthinkable! You’re my sister!”

Sanaa stared at him. “What’s that got to do with it?” A thought crossed her mind. “Oh, ewww! Othar! You’re supposed to be a gentleman adventurer!”

Othar’s face went red. “No, no, no! I mean it’s too dangerous!”

Sanaa stared at him in disbelief. “You want to hear about dangerous? A week after I left home—following you—our ship was attacked by a mechanical narwhal full of pirates!”

She paused, and it was obvious that the memories she was trawling through were not all pleasant ones. “It’s a long story, but I kind of got elected their queen and we wound up running weapons to student revolutionaries in Venice.”

Othar interrupted. “Wait, the ones who tried to overthrow the Chancellor of Ca’ Foscari—”

“—And his semi-invisible hand. Yeah, that was me. Well, after Venice sank, we wound up in the middle of the Aegean, which is where we discovered that our new ship had one of those Ulysses Engines, and what with all the time-traveling, it would take us thirteen years to go twenty-five kilometers!

“I was just sorting things out with the Spark who sold it to us, when Wulfenbach troops showed up. Everything got pinned on me, which got me sent here to Castle Heterodyne!”

She poked Othar in the chest. “So, you tell me. How can traveling with you be any more dangerous than that?”

Othar stared at her and then sighed deeply. “When can you start?”

Sanaa squealed and threw her arms around him. “Yay! You’re the best!”

Embarrassed, Othar looked around. Aside from the two of them, the hallway was empty. Sanaa straightened up. “So, how are we gonna get out of here?”

Othar scratched his head. “Well…actually, we can’t just yet.”

“Why not? You’re the one who’s always coming up with the sparky plans.”

“True enough. But I am here to rescue the Baron’s son.”

Sanaa looked interested. “Whoa! So it’s true? Old Klaus really does have a son?” She paused. “Wait—and he’s in here? Jeez, what did he do?”

Othar raised his eyebrows. “I have a list, if you’re interested.”

Sanaa stopped. “Wait—and you know him? You’re here to get him out?”

Othar sighed. “Yes.”

A light dawned in Sanaa’s eyes. “Oooh, I get it.” She put a supportive hand on Othar’s sleeve. “He’s your boyfriend, right?”

“WHAT!”

Sanaa squeezed his arm. “Othar, please. It’s totally okay. I’ve been hanging around with pirates. Anyway, there’s nothing wrong with—”

“Gilgamesh Wulfenbach is a foul villain!”

“Got it bad, do you?”

Othar rolled his eyes. “He is not even a friend, let alone—”

Sanaa interrupted, “Oh yeah? Then why did you leave Grimstaad to avoid Helga Gootergund?”⁹⁶

Othar flinched. “Helga? She vowed to brain me with a marlinspike if she ever saw me again!”

Sanaa shook her finger. “Mom says that just means you should have tried harder! Helga is smart, rich, and beautiful! Plus she can kill a frosted cave bear with her bare hands!”

“Believe me, I took that into consideration,” Othar sighed. “Anyway, she said I was crazy!”

Sanaa drew herself up furiously. “You are not crazy! You’re my brother and you’re a hero!”

Othar straightened up and gently ruffled her hair. “Why, thank you, little sister! I am touched!”

“Yeah, you sure are.” Sanaa smiled. “Now, let’s go save your—” Sanaa glanced sideways at Othar’s frown. She shifted gears. “Um… your hated enemy who is not your boyfriend at all in any way?”

Othar actually stamped his foot in frustration. “I said Gilgamesh Wulfenbach is no friend of mine, ‘boy’ or otherwise! How you could even think I could be friends with such a—”

“Okay, okay! Jeez!” Sanaa interrupted. “I get it!”

The area they were in was in rough shape. The disaster that had shattered Castle Heterodyne had toppled walls and left furniture and enigmatic machinery scattered everywhere. As Othar scrambled over a tilted floor, Sanaa tried again. “So, if this Gilgamesh guy is such a villain, shouldn’t you be taking him out? I mean, instead of rescuing him?”

Othar shrugged. “Ordinarily, yes. But I have a rather ‘under-duress’ agreement with the Baron.” He pulled aside the fabric of his sweater to reveal a metal collar with a trilobite set at the throat.

Sanaa’s breath hissed between her teeth. She herself wore a matching device—all the Castle’s prisoners wore them—and all the Castle’s prisoners knew that the collars would explode if removed or taken beyond the Castle walls.

“So you’ve got a ‘splody collar too, huh?” she said. “But you can crack it, no problem, right?”

Othar rearranged his collar. “Well, possibly. But I would have to do it perfectly the first time, yes?”

Sanaa bit her lip. She’d certainly seen her share of smart people who had guessed wrong about that. Usually spread out over several meters.⁹⁷

Othar continued. “Besides, that would take time. The fastest course is simply to grab young Wulfenbach and get him out of here. The Baron is a tyrannical fiend, but they say he does tend to keep his word in cases such as this.

“Probably only to look good in the public eye, of course,” he added.

Sanaa considered this. “So…if this guy really isn’t your boyfriend, then that makes him fair game, right?”

Othar stopped, shocked. Then he whipped round and thundered at her. “For any young lady of extremely questionable morals and taste who is not my sister—I suppose it does!” he roared. “But you will stay far away from him or I will send you back home to Mother aboard a livestock transport scow!” He paused. “Actually, I really ought to do that anyway. Mother will be worrying, and that always makes her break things.”

“Oh, no you don’t! Just because you’re a Spark doesn’t mean you get to push me around!” Othar shrank before Sanaa’s fury. She continued. “You already left me behind once, and I ended up here! You owe me! I want in on this!”

Othar threw his hands up in surrender. “Very well! Just this once.” He scowled and shook a finger at her, “But no romantic ideas. Remember—he is a nefarious fiend who must ultimately die.”

Sanaa squeezed her eyes shut and danced in place. “Whee! I finally get to rescue a Prince!” she sang.

Othar gave up.

In the Great Movement Chamber, Gil was back on his slab, with Agatha, von Zinzer, and Sleipnir reattaching him to the newly repaired array. Tarvek stood by, keeping an eye on Gil. Agatha was describing to von Zinzer what she was planning to do next, and Gil was awake, listening in woozily.

“I guess you could say it’s sort of like galvanizing,” she was saying.

“What?” Von Zinzer asked. “You’re going to dip him in molten zinc?”

Agatha laughed. “Only metaphorically!” she assured him.

“Huh,” Tarvek said. “It’ll probably feel similar.”

“It’ll probably be a step up, actually,” Gil added.

“Yeah,” Tarvek told him, “but then you’ll be completely stable and we can…” Tarvek’s voice trailed off and his eyes lost focus.

Violetta appeared and looked at him critically. “Tarvek? Are you all right?” she asked.

Tarvek swooned slightly and abruptly sat down. “Sorry,” he muttered. “I still don’t feel all that good.”

Gil rolled an eye toward him and frowned. “Why’s he still acting sick?” he muttered. “The secondary core annealing process should have fixed all that.”

Agatha looked at the wrecked machinery, the shattered Muse, the busy scientists and their assistants. She bit her lip. “Um…We didn’t get to do any secondary process.”

Gil’s face cleared and he sank back with a relaxed sigh. “Ah, that would explain it.” He then snapped upright and began to shout. “Sturmvarous! You never finished the procedure? Idiot! What would your father say to a labman who did something like that?”

Tarvek considered this. “I think he’d say, ‘Help me, help me, I’m trapped in this sarcophagus.’”

This checked Gil long enough that Tarvek was able to slam him back onto his slab and tighten a hose that had almost come loose. “We have been kind of busy here,” he snarled.

Agatha came up next to him. “Yeah. You’re the one who still needs processing. We feel great. Well, I do, anyway…” A wave of dizziness gave the lie to this statement. It passed swiftly, but Gil missed nothing.

“You idiots are still feeling the effects of the Post Revivification Rush. Look at how flushed your faces are! You’re burning through energy at an unsustainable rate! It we don’t cap it, you two will slip into a neurological cascade and we’ll all die!”

Both Agatha and Tarvek looked about at the damaged equipment. “Would reestablishing the Si Vales Valeo do the trick?”

Gil paused. “To stabilize the runaway loss? Maybe…that’s a good start…are the machines intact?”

Tarvek waved this aside. “Enough of them that we can rework them. It’ll be a lot simpler this time, since we’ll just be artificially equalizing—”

Agatha placed a finger on Tarvek’s lips. “I could listen to that kind of stuff all night,” she said. “But don’t explain it—do it!”

Tarvek took a deep breath and hurried off. Gil tried to grin at Agatha and whispered, “I could explain it better than he could.”

Agatha snorted. “Well, let’s hope you get a chance to prove it.” Red-faced, she turned to Professor Mezzasalma, who had found an enthusiastic student in Theo. The two of them had been attacking the aging electrical system.

“Can you two get us a stable power flow?” she asked them.

“It’s tricky, but I think its possible…” Mezzasalma answered.

“Good.” She walked to Tarvek, who was busily scribbling calculations onto ragged sheets of paper.

“There!” he told her, “I’ve calculated the galvanic essence levels we’ll need for each of us.”

Agatha peered at his work. “Oh, very elegant!” she told him. “Now work out the most efficient shunt layout.”

After making sure everyone was busy, Agatha slumped onto a stool and closed her eyes. A while later, von Zinzer prodded her with a sheet of paper. “Here’s the power figures from Mezzasalma, plus the latest readings from the three of you.”

Agatha took the paper and scanned. Von Zinzer saw her face freeze. “Hey—what?” he asked her. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s too late,” she whispered. “Between the three of us, we don’t have enough Galvanic Essence left.”

Von Zinzer stared at her. Impatiently she pointed to a column of numbers. “Look at these readings. This is the three of us, from twenty, fifteen, and ten minutes ago, right?”

“Yeah…” Von Zinzer frowned. “Oooh. They’re dropping fast,” he admitted. “If this progression continues…”

“Yes. You see it, too.” Agatha said. “All of our energy levels are decaying. Tarvek just felt it first. We don’t have enough energy between the three of us to finish the process.”

“Can’t you just get more?”

Agatha rolled her eyes. “This is…is Élan Vital. Galvanic Essence. Not regular electricity. You get it from living things, or… or…”

Von Zinzer interrupted. “Well, then, why not just add someone new to the circuit?” He paused. “Who isn’t me?”

Agatha shook her head. “Because adding someone new, who hasn’t undergone the first part, would destroy our current level of synchronization.”

Von Zinzer looked at her blankly.

“We’d all just fry,” she clarified.

“Ah.” Von Zinzer nodded. “Okay, well, let’s go. We’ve got, what, five Sparks here? The pack of you should be able to come up with something, right?”

“No!” Agatha grabbed his arm. “That’s exactly what we aren’t going to do. There’s too many Sparks. Everyone will have their own ideas and we’ll waste far too much time arguing about which path to take and by the time all the shouting dies down it’ll be too late to do anything!”

Agatha snatched up some more paper and began scribbling furiously. “No. We’ll do it my way and skip the debate.” She began passing papers to von Zinzer. “Give that one to Tarvek. This one to Theo and Professor Mezzasalma. The third to Sleipnir. Don’t let any of them see anyone else’s.”

Von Zinzer nodded. “What about Wulfenbach?”

Agatha glanced over to see Gil talking Violetta through a bit of rewiring. “Don’t let Gil see anything.”

Von Zinzer glanced through the papers and frowned. “Wait a minute…Now you’ve got all the energy coming from you.”

Agatha blinked. “How do you know that?”

Von Zinzer glared at her. “Hey. I am trained as an electrical machinist, among other things, and if you don’t learn something about how this kind of crap works in here, you’ll find yourself hooked up to power someone’s coffeepot.” He slapped the papers. “They’ll be fine, but you’ll die. I mean, for real die.”

Agatha looked at him, impressed. “No I won’t. I’ve got some ideas. Anyway, even if I do, I’m betting that if anyone could bring me back, it’ll be Gil and Tarvek.”

Von Zinzer stared at her. “I don’t know if that’s fatalistic, optimistic, or just crazy.”

Agatha gave a small smile. “That’s my life. Go hand those out.”

Von Zinzer patted her shoulder sympathetically and hurried off. Agatha sighed and slumped to one side. A hand holding a field cup full of water materialized before her face.

Startled, she looked up into the sanguine face of a Wulfenbach airshipman.

“Thank you,” she said as she took the cup. “Who are you?” The question seemed to catch the man by surprise. He pulled himself to attention. “Higgs, Ma’am. Airman Third Class.” He gave her a casual salute. “I’m currently assigned to…help young Master Wulfenbach.” He glanced over at the man in question. “Is he gonna die?”

“Not today. Help him do what?”

Higgs scratched his head. “Well, hold his hat, mostly.” Agatha stared at him. “But he’s here to help you.” He looked at her with frank curiosity. “Are you really the new Heterodyne?”

Agatha sipped the water. “Yes. I could cackle maniacally for you, if it would help.”

Higgs considered this. “It might.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Oh—not for me.” The airman reached back and hauled up the remains of the mechanical angel. It had been reduced to a shattered, one-armed torso and a head with a cracked cheek. Even in its ruined state, the eyes tracked her every movement. “This contraption claims to be Castle Heterodyne.”

The angel’s eyes flared. “You-you-you can-are-not be Heterody-dyne. You-you are-were-are a vessel for Lu-Lucrezia.”

Agatha folded her arms and drew herself up. “I am Agatha Heterodyne. Daughter of Bill and Lucrezia Heterodyne. Mother just…visits.”

The clank clacked its jaw at her. “You will prove this! Or you will die.”

Agatha rubbed her jaw. “You certainly sound like the Castle,” she muttered. “But I shut the Castle down. Why are you still active?”

“I-I-I ha-have been…contained.” The clank explained. “You-you have shut-shut me do-down?”

“I did. The Castle had shattered into warring segments of itself. They went mad. So mad that they would not obey me.”

The clank looked impressed. It stared at her and evidently made a decision. “The La-Lady Lucrez-zia prided herself on her-her abilit-ties in Consciousness Transferal.⁹⁸ When sh-she had mastered organics, she sought to-to-go-go even further, to transfer artificial consciousness.”

Agatha nodded wearily. “If we had the time, I’d find this fascinating, I assure you. Doctor Beetle, my old teacher, taught that automata consciousness simulates animal consciousness through the expression of scripted responses to pre-delineated stimuli. But…he wasn’t sure that organic minds were all that different. He sometimes hinted at the hypothetical possibility of isolation and transfer of organics and mechanics.” She took a deep breath.

The clank nodded. “Tar-Tarsus Beetle. Transylvania Poly-polygnostic University. Ye-es, and Beetle was-was her te-eacher, was he not? Lucrezia wa-was never much interested in untested hypothesis.

“It was her-her great triumph: Co-coherent transfer of intellect ac-ac-across systems mech-anical and biological.”

Agatha sat down. “This explains so much,” she muttered. “If she had ever managed to perfect artificial to organic transfer…”

The clank clacked its jaw in evident amusement. “Oh, that was-was an-an easy one.” It jerked its head towards the hole from which it had crawled. “And-and the result wai-waits-waits for you down below—at the-the bottom of tha-that pit.”

Agatha’s mind raced. The clank made a dry chuckling sound. “Curious? But you ma-may never see-see it. Even if you-you are the Heterodyne, you are st-still merely a-an unprotected hatch-hatchling.

“By shut-ting down my-my maddened systems, you-you have removed your best defense.

“Your fortress is now-now merely a slowly-crumbling heap of stones. The-the enemies of the Heterodynes will mo-ove to crush us with-without pity.

“They will not wait-wait for you to become strong. But I-I can help you gain strength quickly, if-if you are truly what you claim,

“And then-then you may save us-us all.”

Agatha was staring at the bottom of the cup the airman had given her, and grinning madly. She could feel the tingling in her mouth and throat.

“Ah. You’re saying that you’ve had your lackey here give me water from the Dyne.”

The clank nodded. “He-he is not my lackey.” It said. “But ye-yes. The wat-ters of the Dyne have-have always contained an ex-excess of what you-you may call élan vital. You said-said you were ter-minally deficient—yes-yes, my audio receptors are quite ex-excellent, even in this damage-ed carapace.

“I have-have tak-en it upon my-myself to maximize your chances of sur-survival.”

Agatha felt a growing tingling sensation spreading through her chest. She focused on Higgs, her eyes growing wilder by the minute. “Excellent!” she said. Her voice was thick with the tones of the Spark.

Higgs took his pipe out of his mouth. “So you’re not mad-er-upset, then?” he asked.

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Agatha laughed. “All you did was save me time! I’ll admit, I was planning to use it a little later in the process, but this is so perfect!”

“Yessss…” the clank said, “but let’s ju-just add the next step, sha-all we?” It reached out and placed its remaining hand on Agatha’s bare arm.

Agatha ignored it. Her voice was rising to a mad, delighted shout, and she was staring into the distance before her. “So many things become clear! I can—”

Her rant was cut off as a blue bolt of electricity flashed through her.

Tarvek was sitting with his back to an electrical panel, examining the sheet in front of him and frowning. Theo stood next to him, double-checking the modifications he’d made to the electrical system. After a while, Theo realized that Tarvek was no longer listening to the running explanation of the brilliant work he’d been doing. “What is it?” he asked.

Tarvek looked up. “I’m not sure…but there’s something about these modifications…”

“GET HIM!” The voice was Fraulein Snaug’s.

“What?” Tarvek jumped.

Sleipnir snatched the paper from his hands and shouted “Come on! Hurry!”

“Just grab him!” Snaug yelled again, and then she, Sleipnir and Violetta had lifted Tarvek off the ground and were rushing him back toward the array.

“Okay! We got him! Get ready!” Sleipnir shouted.

“What are you doing?” Tarvek wailed.

“What do you think, fool? We’re manhandling your royal personage,” Violetta said.

“It’s okay, your Highness,” Fraulein Snaug said worriedly, “It’s on the Lady’s orders.”

“How does that make it better?” he asked.

They slammed him onto one of the slabs. “Hook him in!”

“Set the clamps,” Professor Mezzasalma ordered.

“Just ignore the pain, sir,” Snaug advised him.

“Wait a minute!” Tarvek tried to break free. “We still have to test it!” He thrashed uselessly, but the women held him down.

“Agatha, tell them!”

“Nonsense!”

Tarvek froze. Agatha’s voice was…different. The tonal qualities a Spark’s voice acquired when the speaker was in the grip of madness usually raised the hackles of normal people. This voice had Tarvek and every other Spark in the room, desperately looking for an exit.

“‘Testing’ is for when you’re still guessing.”

The clamps had been set, and his captors stepped back. Tarvek could see Agatha now. It didn’t make things better.

Agatha was floating, and her eyes stared out at him from infinity. “And now,” she said in her strange new voice, “I have no need to guess. About anything.”

_______________

⁸⁷ Despite its colorful label, the Poisoner’s Market, like most of Mechanicsburg, has scrubbed almost all of its authentically horrible past. It has maintained its original name because the tourists like it. Thus, alchemists no longer transmutate on the Street of the Goldmakers, resurrectionists no longer raise the dead on the Boulevard of the Blasphemies, and the infamous Dream Rendering Plant sells incense. This is known as gentrification. The original businesses still exist, of course, they just had to move to cheaper parts of town.

⁸⁸ As Baron Wulfenbach’s second-in-command, Boris was burdened with the running of the Empire on more than one occasion. While others would have been tempted by the almost unlimited power this entailed, Boris always complained about the extra paperwork. This is disingenuous, as Boris always did all of the paperwork anyway, but now he was in charge. It has often been stated that Boris’ priorities revealed him to be the most boring man in the Empire. This does Herr Dolokhov a disservice, as our research indicates that he was, in all likelihood, the most boring man in the world.

⁸⁹ Still a Spark.

⁹⁰ Andronicus Valois, the Storm King, possessed a set of nine mysterious, oracular clanks known as the Muses. They were constructed by the Spark artificer Van Rijn and were designed to help the Storm King rule by teaching him and advising him on the various disciplines that a monarch needed to hold together a large, disparate Empire. Anecdotal evidence suggests that while Andronicus appreciated their abilities, he didn’t like them much. This is hardly surprising, as any student of human nature will tell you that kings usually have no patience with being schooled. After the fall of the Storm King, the Muses disappeared from history. Many thought they had been destroyed, but the truth is that they had hidden themselves in order to safely await the appearance of a legitimate heir to the Lightning Crown.

⁹¹ The Post-revivification rush (PRR) is a well-documented phenomenon. When a construct is bequeathed the sudden gift of life, everything goes into overdrive, as it were. The senses are sharper, reflexes are faster. Strength and stamina are increased to alarming degrees, and thus the body is capable of astounding feats of destruction and strength. Naturally all of this has to come from somewhere, and so the higher brain functions are noticeably diminished during this time. It’s why constructs wake up in chains, which naturally freaks them out, beginning the entertaining feedback loop long celebrated in song and story.

⁹² Belgian Chocolate Mimmoths. One of the more famous products of the Odalisque Chocolate Company of Antwerp. Interestingly enough, the original recipe was for chocolate covered peanuts, but, as everyone knows, mimmoths will bore through concrete walls in order to obtain the tasty groundnut, and so it should not have been a surprise that they wound up in a chocolatiers peanut vat. The serendipitous result was hailed as a gastronomic wonder, as long as you don’t think about it too much.

⁹³ Élan vital, also known as the “vital force” is the theoretical “life energy” that a being uses to live and move. There is some dispute amongst scientific circles as to whether this life energy actually exists as a measureable thing. For a long time it was confused with electricity, but as any backwoods dabbler will tell you, just pumping electricity into a corpse gets you nothing except disturbing ideas about barbeque sauce.

⁹⁴ Subsequent calculations by the Professors have mathematically verified the truth of this statement, but dispute Princess Zeetha’s assumed claim of primacy. History shows us that, at best, she might have a legitimate claim for fourth place.

⁹⁵ On her initial voyage to Europa, the Princess Zeetha had been abducted by pirates, who slaughtered the rest of her shipmates. When she got free, she returned the favor. This left her stranded in a strange land with no clue as to where her homeland was. In the subsequent three years, she traveled Europa trying to find anyone who had ever heard of her homeland, Skifander. By the time she encountered Agatha, who had heard stories of Skifander from Barry Heterodyne, Zeetha had almost become convinced that she had made the place up.

⁹⁶ Grimstaad, Norway. The ancestral home of the Tryggvassens. A tidy little Northern village of fishermen and farmers, who were periodically terrorized by semi-sentient sea lions, laser crabs, exploding oysters, flesh-eating sea gulls and the occasional Polar Lord raiding party. In light of this, Othar’s antagonism towards Sparks is not particularly surprising.

⁹⁷ Only one person had successfully circumvented this system; Herr Doktor Felix van Gunt, who had operated upon himself and removed his own head, enabling him to simply slip the collar off. Tragically, while he was leaving the castle with his head safely tucked under his arm, he misjudged the distances, and fell down a flight of stairs.

⁹⁸ Yes, yes, the whole “brain swap without surgery” thing. In a rare display of solidarity, Sparks have universally discouraged this particular field of research for two reasons. The first, that science is regarded with enough suspicion as it is, without allowing plausible justification for the whole ‘Is my ruler/boss/lover who I think they are? Or has their mind been replaced by an agent of a secret cabal that is out to get me?’ thing. The second, that it’s really hard to do, and those who manage to successfully pull it off are bloody insufferable about it.