Agatha H and the Voice of the Castle

A NOTE FROM YOUR HUMBLE EDITOR

Here at Pontexeter Publications, we strive to provide the most complete, well-researched and up-to-date listings for our readers. Yet, as any seasoned traveler will tell you, conditions in foreign lands can change overnight for any number of incomprehensible foreign reasons, which is why you should always remember the famous dictate of our founder, Ulysses Pontexeter, “Pack half the luggage you want, twice the money you think you’ll need, and keep ready a fast horse.”

There is no better exemplar of this than the famous town of Mechanicsburg. In the twenty years since the 9^th Edition was published, things have changed so much that we have had to completely rewrite the listing. We apologize in advance for any discrepancies the traveler may encounter. Just remember; this is still Mechanicsburg.

MECHANICSBURG. ROMANIA

When you first glimpse one of the most storied towns in Europa, you will probably be disappointed at its modest size.

For close to a thousand years, Mechanicsburg has been the home of the infamous Heterodynes: that dynasty of merciless Sparks who once roamed the continent at will, plundering and subjugating all before them. Mechanicsburg was and is their capital, but the traveler will discover that it is unlike any other capital city on Earth.

For one thing, it is constrained in size by the very geological features that defend it. Girt by some of the most vertiginous mountains of the Transylvanian Alps and sheer chasms carved by the Dyne—that fierce and unpredictable river which rises within the town itself—Mechanicsburg could only get so big.

This geological unevenness is found within the town’s walls as well, and as a result, it is a superb example of extreme land-use management. Indeed, several of the ingenious techniques developed by the masters of Mechanicsburg have subsequently been adopted by the rest of Europa.

Secondly, although Heterodynes easily conquered vast stretches of the land, they were never very interested in holding it afterwards. An area would be conquered and the inhabitants forced to pay tribute, and then, more often than not, would hear nothing more from their conquerors for a generation. For the Heterodynes, as a rule, the thrill was in the conquering.

Thus, the town never received a sustained influx of treasure in the form of taxes or, perhaps more importantly, the swarms of ambitious courtiers and bureaucrats that would follow same. While Mechanicsburg never forbade visitors, it was a rare traveler that went there willingly, and thus any new ideas from the outside world were usually dragged in at the end of a chain.

This resulted in a business class composed almost entirely of subjugated merchants, minions, tradesmen, monsters, and artisans who were directly answerable to an unstable higher authority. Today, this has evolved into a level of service that the visitor may find surprising, if not downright unnerving.

Less than thirty years ago, Mechanicsburg was still a place to be avoided—spoken of only in whispers—a dark stain upon the map.

All of that changed when the last of the Heterodynes assumed the mantle. William (Bill) Heterodyne, and his brother Barry Heterodyne, seemed determined to redeem the family name, and to a large extent, have managed to do so through their exploits and good works.

They opened Mechanicsburg to the outside world when they established The Great Hospital, which quickly became one of the most advanced centers of medical learning in Europa. Patients came, slowly, at first, and the wondrous cures they reported soon ensured a steady stream of visitors.

Once back on their feet, these visitors discovered a town like no other. The Heterodynes of old spent their time and money in their own backyard, as it were, and as a result, bequeathed the town an assortment of truly wondrous spoils—many of which can be viewed in a wide variety of museums and semi-private collections.

Mechanicsburg also contains stunning examples of architecture and civil engineering. Everywhere, you will find evidence of the ingenious and unexpected mechanisms that run the town. These will prove a source of perpetual delight to the mechanically-minded tourist.

After the disappearance of the Heterodyne Boys, Mechanicsburg was quickly absorbed into the Empire of Baron Klaus Wulfenbach, and today is a loyal and law-abiding member of the Pax Transylvania, sharing in the Empire’s currency, postal, and transportation systems.

The historical adventures of the early Heterodyne family, while unsavory, have left a colorful legacy. Echoes of those tumultuous days can be detected in the traditions still practiced at the numerous festivals and fairs, many unique to the region, that are generously spread throughout the town’s calendar year. With an exciting nightlife, vibrant market places, a plethora of inns, and an award-winning restaurant scene taking full advantage of the famous Mechanicsburg snail, it is safe to say that the town has embraced its new identity as a tourist destination and is quickly becoming one of the expected stops on the traditional Grand Tour.

The town is informally divided into five neighborhoods. These are roughly wedge-shaped areas that all meet at Castle Heterodyne, which looms on a pinnacle of rock in the center of town.

The Hospital District is the area most familiar to visitors. It is dominated by the Great Hospital itself, and it is here that you will find most of the related businesses and industries, such as pharmacies, medical supply shops, and some of the more exotic specialists. There are also inns and hostels for outpatients and their guests, as well as a number of shops and eateries to cater to their needs. It is the quietest neighborhood, and revelry is curtailed, especially after dark. It is the result of massive rebuilding and redesign by the Heterodyne Boys themselves, and on old maps, you will find it labeled as The Flesh Yards. Usually in red.

Going clockwise, we come to The Greens. The old Heterodynes maintained this open greensward within the town and over the centuries, it has been used for everything from grazing, to jousts, to biological experiments, to the hunting of prisoners for sport. These days it has been extensively landscaped and contains assorted water features, gazebos, and botanical curiosities, the more dangerous of which are clearly marked. In older maps, one will find reference to a Petting Zoo. Avoid this area at all costs.

Next is The Field of Weights. Here you will find most of the businesses, especially those that cater to visitors, as well as the Government Offices, and most of the towns’ restaurants and entertainments. Do explore the famous Poisoner’s Market, as well as the many other specialty bazaars and shopping districts, which are clearly marked on any city map.

Next, we come to The Tumbles. It is here that the people of Mechanicsburg tend to live. It is a quiet district, with little of interest to outsiders, aside from the occasional restaurant. For those so inclined, it is where you will find some of the town’s more interesting architecture, and as always, the residents will cheerfully provide directions and suggestions on how to go somewhere else.

Last, but not least, there is The Court of Gears. Here you will find The Factory, as well as Mechanicsburg’s freelance inventors, artisans, and builders. Almost any machine or component thereof can be found here, as well as the famous Scrap Swap Yards. For the casual visitor, we recommend The Dawn Clank Inspection and Activation, which takes place every morning at six a.m.

—Pontexeter’s Guide to Transylvania, Moldavia, Wallachia, & Croatia. 10^th Edition