Alice: The Girl From Earth

On the Dialing of Random Numbers

Alice would not go to sleep. It was ten O’clock already and she would not go to sleep. I said:

“Alice, you must go to sleep now, or else I….”

“Or else what, papa?”

“Or else I shall call Baba Yaga.”

“And who is Baba Yaga?”

“Hmm… That is something all children have to learn. Baba Yaga is the Wicked Witch of the North! She lives in a giant castle on stilts made out of chicken leg bones. She’s an evil old woman who eats small children… Disobedient small children…”

“Why?”

“Well, because she’s evil and hungry!”

“But why is she hungry?”

“Because there are no stores nearby, and no food service to her castle.”

“Why not?”

“Because the castle is too old and it’s too far away in the forest.”

Alice had become so interested she even sat up in bed.

“Does she work in the nature preserve?”

“Alice, go to sleep immediately!”

“But you promised to call Baba Yaga! Please, papa, please call Baba Yaga!”

“I will call her. But you will be very sorry that I did!”

I walked over to the videophone unit and punched out a few numbers at random. I was certain there would be no connection and that Baba Yaga would not be home.

But I was mistaken. The videophone screen lit up, there was a buzzing someone had pressed the ACCEPT button at the other end of the line, and hadn’t even appeared in person on the screen when a deep voice said:

“Martian Embassy. May we be of service?”

“Is it her, papa? Is it her?” Alice cried from her bed.

“She’s already gone to bed.” I said sternly.

“Martian Embassy here. May we be of service?” The voice repeated.

I turned to face the videophone. A young Martian was looking out at me. He had green eyes, and no eyelashes.

“I’m sorry.” I said. “Rather clearly I have the wrong number.”

The Martian laughed. He was looking not at me, but at something behind my back. Alice, naturally, had jumped out of her bed and was standing barefoot on the floor.

“Good evening.” She said to the Martian.

“Good evening, little girl.”

“Does Baba Yaga live with you?”

The Martian cast a questioning look in my direction.

“You see,” I said, “Alice won’t go to sleep, and I was hoping to get through to Baba Yaga and have her punish her. But I got a wrong number.”

The Martian laughed again.

“Good night, Alice.” He said. “You have to go to sleep now, or your papa will call Baba Yaga.”

The Martian said good bye to me and hung up.

“Well, now are you going to go to sleep?” I asked. “You heard what your uncle from Mars said…”

“I’ll go sleep, papa. Are you going to take me to Mars?”

“If you are a good little girl and behave yourself we’ll go to Mars in the summer.”

At long last Alice tell asleep, and I went back to my work. I was at my desk until one o’clock in the morning. And suddenly there was a deafening ringing from the videophone. I pressed the ACCEPT button. The Martian from the Embassy looked out at me.

“I’m sorry to trouble you at such a late hour.” He said. “But your videophone was not turned off for the night, and I concluded you had yet to go to bed.”

“No bother.”

“Then is sit possible you can help us?” The Martian said. “The whole Embassy can’t get to sleep. We’ve poured over the encyclopedias, gone through all the phone books, but we still can’t find out who Baba Yaga is and where she lives…”