All I Want for Christmas is a Vampire

CHAPTER 15

Ian found comfort in the old, familiar chants and prayers. Over the centuries, the world powers could change, technology advance, mortal friends pass away, but Mass remained much the same. And the scent of Christmas remained the same. He breathed deeply, enjoying the scent of fir tree garlands and lit Advent candles.

Tonight there was another scent, one that kept luring him away from holy thoughts. Type AB positive. His favorite flavor. It emanated from Toni, who sat beside him in the back row. She'd removed her jacket and folded it on her lap. Her hands clenched together so tightly her knuckles gleamed white. What had happened to make her desperate enough to reveal her secrets to him?

When he'd first wakened and realized she was gone, he'd checked her tracking device on a computer. She'd gone back to that psychiatric hospital. By the looks of her clenched hands and pale face, something at the hospital had upset her. Was it somehow connected to her taking the job as their guard?

Father Andrew began his homily, and Ian tried to focus on the priest instead of the heavenly body next to him.

"As you know, I never reveal anything I hear during confession," Father Andrew began. "But I would like to speak tonight about a common thread I've heard many times, and each time I hear it, it grieves me greatly. Many of you believe you don't deserve happiness or love. You feel you are not worthy."

Ian heard Toni breathe in sharply.

"Whereas a mortal has one short lifetime to experience regret," the priest continued, "a Vamp can live much longer and rack up a greater amount of regret and guilt. Some of you believe you've taken the grand prize in unworthiness, that there is no hope for your soul. You fear God can never forgive you. And because of your self-condemnation, you're unable to forgive yourself."

Toni pressed a hand to her mouth. Ian saw her eyes were squeezed shut. What was wrong? He hoped she wasn't going to cry. He couldn't bear to see a woman cry.

"You know your past failures, your mistakes," Father Andrew said. "But know this, too—you are still children of the Heavenly Father, and your Father loves you."

A small noise came from Toni that sounded like a stifled whimper.

"Do not believe you are unworthy of love, for God loves you. And do not let your past sins torment you. If God can forgive you, why can you not forgive yourself?"

Toni jumped up and ran out the back door.

Ian stared at the closed door. Dammit to hell. Why would she be so upset? He'd seen her personnel file. She was only twenty-four years old. Her worst offense was a bloomin' traffic ticket. She was an angel compared to the bloody Vamps in this room, himself included.

Father Andrew droned on and on and showed no sign of stopping anytime soon. And Toni was off somewhere, crying.

He slipped out the door and followed the sound of her sniffles. She was sitting in the refreshment room, doubled over with her face in her hands.

"Toni, are ye all right?" Stupid question, he chided himself. The lass was crying.

She sat up and wiped her face. "I'm okay."

"What's wrong? Did the priest upset you?"

"I'm sure he means well." She stood and wandered toward the table of mortal food. "I'm sure he's right about forgiveness, but…"

Ian stepped closer to her. "But what?"

"I–I've never been able to forgive myself."

"Lass, what could ye have possibly done? Ye're so young and…innocent."

She turned toward him, and he winced at the sight of her tear-stained cheeks. "I–I let my grandmother die."

He hadn't expected that. "It must have been an accident."

"I didn't mean for it to happen." Tears streamed down her face.

He couldn't take it, so he pulled her into his arms and rubbed her back. "What happened?"

"I was in middle school, and by then, my grandmother's health wasn't very good. I learned to do the chores. And I was used to getting myself up in the morning, and fixing my lunch, and catching the bus. I always hugged Grandma before I left."

Ian could see that Toni had learned to be strong and independent at a young age.

"One night, Grandma was having trouble sleeping. I could hear her up a lot. But that morning, when I came in to say good-bye, she was sleeping well. I didn't want to wake her, so I went on to school. But when I came home that afternoon, she was still there." Toni stepped back and grabbed a napkin off the table to wipe her face, but the tears kept coming. "She died while I was gone."

"Sweetheart, she died naturally. It wasna yer fault."

"But I knew she'd been sick the night before. I keep thinking about what I should have done differently. If I had called 911 that morning, she might have lived. Even my mother said I'd done a lousy job of taking care of her. She wouldn't let me live with them after Grandma died. She sent me to a boarding school."

Ian winced. "Lass, I doona mean to offend, but yer mother is a bloomin' arse."

Toni blinked.

Apparently his observation had taken her by surprise. "Ye can believe me. I'm a bit of an expert when it comes to mums. I was fifteen when I was transformed. I thought I could go back home, but my mum wouldna accept me."

Toni's red-rimmed eyes widened. "Why not?"

"Och, how did she put it? I was a monstrous creature from hell. She feared if I got a wee peckish, I might slaughter my younger brothers and sisters."

"That's ridiculous! Anyone who knows you would know you could never hurt someone you love."

Her declaration filled his heart. And the way her eyes flashed with angry indignation, he thought he'd never seen a woman more beautiful. "I appreciate yer faith in me." He stepped closer. "Are ye all right now?"

She blew her nose in the napkin. "I think so. I'm really sorry about this. I've been an emotional wreck lately, and you keep seeing me at my worst."

"Nay, I think ye're at yer best."

She gave him a dubious look. "With my watery eyes and red nose?"

He wanted to kiss her watery eyes and red nose.

"Actually, I was referring to yer compassionate heart."

She snorted. "I'm not feeling very compassionate. I was just thinking that your mom was a bloomin' arse."

He chuckled. "At least we both survived."

"You know, when I first met you, I thought we were totally different. Alive, dead." She motioned to herself, then him. "Modern, old-fashioned. Intelligent, not so intelligent."

"Excuse me?"

She grinned. "I'm kidding. But I was wrong. We actually have a lot in common."

"Ye mean our heartless mothers?"

"More than that. We share the same worries and fears. That we're not worthy. That we'll fail someone we love." Her face grew sad again.

He touched her face and smoothed his thumb over her damp cheek. "Ye have more deep, dark secrets to tell me?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Och, ye're so deep."

"And dark." She smiled. "Thank you. I feel a lot better now."

"Will ye tell me yer full name?"

She winced. "That's too dark."

"Lass, it canna be that bad." He touched her other cheek, so her face was cradled in his hands. He could hear her heart racing. He moved closer.

She didn't back away.

He dragged his thumb along her jaw. Her mouth opened slightly, and she licked her lips. Ah, he wanted to feel that. He slid his thumb over her bottom lip, gliding over the moisture. She drew in a sharp breath.

"Your eyes are red again," she whispered.

"I know." He moved closer till his chest was grazing hers.

Her gaze drifted down to his mouth. The napkin fell from her hand and fluttered to the floor. Slowly she raised a hand, then touched the dent in his chin.

It was simple movement, but he interpreted it as permission. She'd pushed the yes button, and that was all that mattered. To hell with the rules, to hell with reason.

He held her face and kissed her lightly once, twice. She leaned toward him, and his passion broke loose with a wild, devouring kiss. He pulled her close, one hand at the back of her neck, the other at her waist. He pulled her so close, her feet came off the ground. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back.

A hunger he'd kept restrained for nights was unleashed. He couldn't taste her enough. Her lips, her tongue. He explored her mouth and nibbled her lips. She was sweet; she was trembling; she was clutching him tight. And he wanted more. It felt like he'd wanted her for centuries.

He trailed kisses down her neck, then tickled her with his tongue on a path to her ear. She shivered.

"Toni," he whispered, then drew her earlobe into his mouth.

She moaned and ran her fingers into his hair. "Ian."

He smoothed his hands down her back, then cupped her bottom and gently squeezed. He was returning to her mouth for more kissing when he heard someone clearing his throat.

He froze. Froze with his hands planted firmly on Toni's rump. This was bad. He glanced over his shoulder. Connor stood in the doorway. He'd averted his face, but his jaw was shifting as he ground his teeth.

Ian released Toni and stepped back. She glanced at him, then at Connor, her eyes wide.

Ian cleared his throat. "This was my fault. I take full responsibility for it."

"No," Toni whispered and shook her head.

"I'll have a word with you in private, Ian." Connor turned and strode down the hall.

He tried to give Toni a reassuring smile. "I'll be right back."

She didn't look very reassured. He hurried into the hallway to catch up with Connor.

Halfway to the foyer, Connor opened a door to a conference room. "This will do."

Ian glanced back. People were leaving the chapel and wandering into the refreshment room. He hoped Toni would be all right.

"Close the door behind you," Connor said quietly as he marched to the end of a long conference table.

Ian shut the door. "I will ask ye no' to reprimand Toni. I instigated the…incident, and I take full responsibility for it."

"How noble. I wouldna expect less from you." Connor stopped at the head of the table and rested a hand on the back of a chair. "But I wasna born yesterday. 'Twas quite obvious that she was no' being forced."

A thrill shot through Ian, and he stifled a grin. It was true—she had been willing. More than willing. She'd kissed him back. She'd moaned with pleasure. She wanted him. And he wanted to shout with joy.

"She willfully broke the rules." Connor rubbed his brow. "I have no choice but to fire her."

"No!" Ian walked toward him. "She was crying when I found her. She was verra upset, and I took advantage."

"Ian." Connor regarded him sternly. "What has come over you lately? Ye've been back less than a week, and ye have a mob of females hounding you. Hundreds of phone calls and e-mails. Women camped out on the sidewalk. I heard ye dated fifty ladies in one night, and then there was that interview."

"Things have gotten a little out of control, but—"

"More than a little!" Connor's eyes flashed with anger. "Is it no' enough to have hundreds of women throwing themselves at you? Why would ye seduce the one woman ye canna have? Is it because she is forbidden?"

"Nay. I guarded Roman's harem for fifty years. I never misbehaved with any of them. Toni is…different. Special."

"Unemployed," Connor added wryly.

"Ye canna fire her. We need her."

"Dammit, Ian." Connor pounded a fist on the back of the chair. "How can ye expect me to ignore the rules?"

Ian took a deep breath. He had to come up with something fast, or Connor could be erasing her memory tonight. "What if the Malcontents already know she's working for us? If we fire her and erase her memory, she would be totally defenseless against an attack."

Connor frowned. "Ye make a good point, but 'tis based on an assumption."

"We canna gamble with her life. She's been doing an excellent job for us, and she can still do it. I willna interfere with her duties."

Connor paced away, deep in thought. "I hired her for a probationary period of two weeks. I could let her complete those two weeks before making a final decision." He glanced at Ian. "Can ye keep yer hands off her for another week?"

He wasn't sure he could for thirty minutes. "I can try."

"Try? Have ye no' heard of restraint, man?"

Ian gritted his teeth. The more he told himself he couldn't have Toni, the more he wanted her.

Connor sighed. "I'll delay my decision for another week." He headed for the door. "Meanwhile, if ye care for the lass, ye'll bloody well leave her alone."

"I do care for her, but…do ye no' understand how I feel? Have ye never felt the fierceness of…longing?"

A sad look came over Connor's face. "Aye, it is fierce. It rages like a wildfire, but leaves you with naught but ashes." He left the room.

What had happened to Connor to make him such a pessimist? Ian knew that a relationship between a mortal and Vamp rarely worked. Eventually they broke up or the mortal agreed to change over. Shanna had agreed to become a Vamp sometime in the future. Did he really want to involve Toni in a relationship where he'd have to suck her dry till she was dead, so he could change her?

Connor was right. If he really cared for her, which he did, he'd leave her be. He'd let her find love with her own kind. And he would keep looking for love among the Vamps.

"What's wrong?" Shanna asked.

Toni sighed. She knew she looked like a mess. How on earth had Ian found her attractive? She filled a plate with cheese cubes, carrot sticks, and broccoli, and what the heck, a few chocolate chip cookies. "I'm doing my Rudolph-the-red-nosed-reindeer impersonation."

Shanna handed her a cup of punch. "Are you unhappy with your job here?"

"No." She bit into a cookie.

The fellowship hall was filling up fast with churchgoers. Toni hated for everyone to see her swollen, red eyes, but she didn't want to run off just yet. She still needed to talk to Ian. "I have a close friend who's in the hospital. I just came from visiting her, and I was all smiles while I was there, but now…"

"Now the stress has caught up with you," Shanna observed. "I'm so sorry. If you need some time off, I'm sure we can arrange it."

"You're very kind." Unfortunately, she might have lots of time off very soon. Connor was probably going to fire her. Fired for kissing a vampire. Who would have known her life could be so risqué? But she'd known it was against the rules.

Would she do it again? In a heartbeat.

It had been the most phenomenal kiss of her life. Not one of those fumbling ones like she'd had in the past where she'd spent the entire kiss wondering if she was doing it properly, or wishing like hell that the guy knew how to do it properly. There'd been no wondering or wishing at all. She'd simply been swept away into a glorious daze of pure sensation. It was the kind of kiss she'd always dreamed of.

And Ian was the romantic hero she'd always dreamed of. Strong, but sweetly vulnerable. An endearing mixture of pride and uncertainty. Bold enough to kiss her and damn the consequences. Exciting, noble, clever, sexy—perfect in every way. Except one. He was a vampire.

"Shanna, can I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure."

"I was wondering how you…well, is it difficult being in a relationship with a vampire?"

"Ah." Shanna sipped some punch. "I suppose it depends on the vampire. I lucked out with Roman." She looked around the room, and Toni could tell the instant she spotted her husband. Her eyes softened.

Roman must have felt her gaze or heard her say his name, for he turned away from his conversation with Father Andrew and smiled at her.

"He's the love of my life," Shanna whispered. "And Constantine, too. I'm totally amazed by them."

"But how do you handle the different hours?"

"Tino and I keep late hours. We stay up to one or so in the morning, so we can spend time with Roman. Then we sleep late in the morning. I take dental appointments from three in the afternoon till about nine at night, so I can see both mortals and Vamps. It's a bit of a challenge, fitting in family and a career, but it's that way for all women, so I don't think my situation is all that strange."

"I see what you mean." Toni popped a piece of ranch-dipped broccoli in her mouth.

"So which hunky Vamp guy are you interested in?"

She nearly choked. Her eyes watered, and she gulped down some punch. "I didn't say I was."

Shanna grinned. "Never mind. I think I know who."

"It was a hypothetical question," Toni insisted. "I was just wondering how a Vamp and mortal could make it work, and obviously, you and Roman are doing it well, so I asked. That's all."

"Uh-huh." Shanna gave her a knowing look. "Well, hypothetically speaking, I think he's a great guy, and you'd be crazy to pass him by."

Toni wondered if she was referring to Ian, but didn't dare ask. "I don't mean to be a downer, but I just don't see how it can last, not when the mortal continues to age, and the Vamp doesn't."

Shanna nodded. "It was a tough decision, and not one I took lightly." She rubbed a hand over the bump where her second child was growing. "I've decided to change over eventually, but I wanted to wait till the children are a bit older."

Toni gaped. "You're going to become one of them?"

Shanna's eyes twinkled in merriment. "Ooh, scary! They're not monsters, you know. I realize it might take a while for you to see that. It took me a while. Well, only about a week." She laughed. "I fell for Roman so fast."

Toni could relate to that. There was something so special about Ian. He'd intrigued her from the start. And she could recognize herself in him. If he had to come up with four morning affirmations, she figured his would be identical to hers.

"I feel so fortunate to be a part of their world," Shanna continued. "I have the best husband and most wonderful little boy—"

"He's gone!" A shout came from the hallway, along with the sound of running. Radinka halted at the doorway, gasping for air. "Tino! He's gone!"

Roman strode toward her. "He's not in the nursery?"

"Oh my God." Shanna spilled punch as she set down her cup. She rushed toward Radinka. "What happened?"

"I don't know. I only turned my back on him for a second. I don't—"

"Dougal, Phineas, go check—" Roman started to give an order, but the two guards had already zoomed out the door.

"I'll take the east wing. Ye take the west," Dougal shouted at Phineas.

"Tell Connor!" Roman yelled after them. "And Howard!"

All the other Vamps and Father Andrew rushed from the room to help with the search.

"Oh my God." Shanna clutched Roman's arm. "What if he was kidnapped? What if the Malcontents—"

He squeezed her shoulder. "We won't panic yet. He might have just levitated and climbed over the door."

"I've told him a million times not to do that," Shanna said.

"From now on, I'm stationing a guard at the nursery," Roman said quietly. "I'll check the parking lot."

Shanna paled. "Don't go alone. This could be a trap."

Roman zoomed down the hall, shouting for Connor. Shanna and Radinka strode down the hall, calling out Constantine's name.

A wave of panic froze Toni. Would the Malcontents kidnap a child? If they teleported away with Tino, how would Roman ever find him? She wished she could do something to help, but she didn't know what. For the first time, she actually wished she was a Vamp so she could move faster and fight better.

She stepped forward and trod on something. It was the napkin she'd dropped before kissing Ian. She leaned over to pick it up and spotted something odd. The tablecloth had moved.

As the shouts for Constantine grew dimmer in the distance, Toni heard a small, whimpering sound. She circled to the back of the table and dropped to her knees. She lifted the bottom edge of the tablecloth.

Constantine gasped. He was hugging his knees to his chest, and his pink cheeks were wet with tears.

"Tino," she whispered. "How did you get here?"

"I don't know," he wailed and covered his face. "Mommy's going to be mad at me."

"Honey, no." Toni pulled him out from under the table and held him in her arms. "They're just scared. We need to tell them you're all right."

"No!" Tino clutched her shoulders. "Mommy told me not to leave the nursery. She'll be mad at me."

"She only sounds upset 'cause she's so scared. Believe me, she'll be thrilled to know you're all right."

He sniffled. "They won't be mad?"

"No, honey. They love you so much." Toni stood, still holding the little boy, then strode into the hallway. "He's here! Tino's fine!"

The Vamps must have heard her first, for Dougal and Phineas zoomed toward her. Connor, Ian, and Roman zipped toward them a few seconds later.

"Daddy!" Tino reached for Roman, who grabbed him and held him tight.

The other Vamps returned with Howard Barr and Father Andrew trailing behind. There were shouts of delight and slaps on the back.

"You found him?" Roman asked Toni. "I can't thank you enough."

"Way to go, Toni!" Phineas gave her a high five.

"Well done." Connor nodded at her.

She felt her face heat up. Was he going to fire her now? She glanced at Ian. Passion flared in his eyes, then he turned away.

"Constantine!" Shanna ran toward them, followed by a gasping Radinka.

Roman zoomed to them quickly, and Shanna flung herself at her husband, sandwiching their little boy between them.

"Thank God." Shanna hugged him tight.

"I was so scared." Radinka's eyes filled with tears. "I could never forgive myself if anything happened to you." She touched the boy's cheek.

They all walked back to where the crowd was gathered.

"Who found him?" Shanna asked. "Where was he?"

"Toni," several Vamps answered at once as they smiled at her.

Her heart expanded with a warm feeling. For the first time in her life, she felt like she belonged to a whole family.

"Oh, thank you." Shanna hugged her.

"He was afraid you'd be mad at him," Toni whispered. "I found him hiding under the table." She motioned with her head toward the fellowship hall.

"Oh my goodness." Shanna turned toward her son. "How did you get in there without anyone seeing you?"

"I don't know. Can I have a cookie?"

"Tino," Roman spoke quietly. "You've been told not to leave the nursery alone."

"I didn't mean to." Constantine wiped his nose. "I was just thinking about you and Mommy and how much I wanted to be with you. Then it was so dark, and I couldn't see anything. Then I was there behind the table, and I fell down 'cause I was dizzy. And then I heard everybody shouting, and I thought you were mad at me."

"Oh my God." Shanna pressed a hand to her mouth.

"Everything went black?" Roman asked his son. "You were in the nursery, then suddenly you were here?"

When Constantine nodded, everyone exchanged shocked looks.

"Tino, you teleported." Roman looked at everyone and grinned. "My son can teleport!"

The Vamps cheered. Toni's mouth fell open.

Shanna gasped for air, her face very pale. "Oh God, this is terrible."

"Are you mad at me, Mommy?" Constantine asked.

"No, no." She hugged him, then gave her husband a pointed look. "Can you teach him to control this?"

"Yes," Roman assured her. "It'll be all right."

"Come." Radinka escorted Shanna into the fellowship hall. "I think you'd better sit down."

Shanna winced. "A toddler who can vanish at will?"

Everyone filed into the fellowship hall, and Roman set his son next to Shanna. He returned a few seconds later with plates of food for both of them. Constantine happily munched on cookies.

Radinka looked around. "Where's Gregori?"

"I haven't seen him," Toni replied.

Radinka huffed. "That rascal. He told me he would come to church." She marched to the mortal table to fill a plate with food.

Toni edged toward Ian. "Am I still employed?"

He glanced toward Connor, who was busy congratulating Roman. "Aye, for now. The final decision will be made in a week."

Toni exhaled with relief. A week would be enough time for them to rescue Sabrina. Then it would be okay if she lost her job. But she still dreaded having her memory wiped. Carlos could fill her in on the facts, but he couldn't tell her how she had felt while she'd lived with the Vamps. She would forget how wonderful it had felt to be a part of their family. And she would forget all about Ian.

"If I lose this job, I can live with that. But I don't want to lose my memory."

Ian frowned at his shoes. "I'll do what I can for you. But it would be better for us not to be alone."

Toni swallowed hard. He was backing off. Was he doing it to save her job? Or had the kiss not meant that much to him? She could have sworn there'd been a ton of passion. "I still need to talk to you."

He glanced at Connor. "This is not a good time. I–I promised Vanda I would go to the club tonight."

She gritted her teeth. "Still looking for the perfect lady Vamp to share eternity with?"

He swore under his breath. "I have never lied to you, Toni. I said from the beginning that I wanted a Vamp."

"Right. 'Cause they're so superior."

"Better suited," he corrected her.

"Fine. But I still need your help with something really important. When you find some time in your busy dating schedule, let me know." She marched from the room before she succumbed to an urge to slap his handsome face.