Anxious People

25

Witness Interview (Continued)

JIM: I feel stupid now.

ZARA: I don’t suppose that’s a new feeling for you.

JIM: If I’d known you ran a bank, obviously I wouldn’t have said that. Well, I mean, I shouldn’t have said it anyway. I’m not really sure what to say now.

ZARA: In that case, perhaps I can just leave?

JIM: No, hold on. Look, this is all a bit embarrassing. My wife has often told me that I should just keep my mouth shut. I’ll stick to my questions from now on, okay?

ZARA: Let’s give it a try.

JIM: Can you describe the robber? Anything at all that you can remember about him, anything you think could be helpful to our investigation.

ZARA: You already seem to know the most important thing.

JIM: And that is?

ZARA: You said “him,” so you evidently know he was a man. That explains a lot.

JIM: I have a feeling I’m likely to regret asking this, but why?

ZARA: You lot can’t even piss without missing the target. So obviously things are going to go wrong if you get hold of a pistol.

JIM: Can I interpret that as meaning you don’t remember any details about his appearance?

ZARA: If someone’s wearing a mask and pointing a pistol at you, a psychologist would probably compare the trauma to almost being run down by a truck: you’d be unlikely to remember the number on the license plate.

JIM: I have to say, that’s a very insightful observation.

ZARA: That’s a relief, because what you think really matters to me. Can I go now?

JIM: Not yet, I’m afraid. Do you recognize this drawing?

ZARA: Is that what it is? It looks like someone’s knocked over a urine sample.

JIM: I’ll interpret that as a no to the question of whether or not you recognize the picture.

ZARA: Very clever of you.

JIM: Where in the apartment were you when the bank robber came in?

ZARA: By the balcony door.

JIM: And where were you during the rest of the hostage drama?

ZARA: What difference does that make?

JIM: Quite a lot of difference.

ZARA: I can’t imagine why.

JIM: Look, you’re not a suspect. Not yet, anyway.

ZARA: Sorry?

JIM: Well, look. What I’m trying to get you to understand is that you need to try to understand that my colleague is convinced that one of the hostages helped the bank robber to escape. And it seems odd that you were there at all, to put it bluntly. To start with, you had no reason to want to buy the apartment. And you don’t appear to have been frightened when the bank robber aimed his pistol at you.

ZARA: So now you suspect that I helped the bank robber to escape?

JIM: No. No, not at all. Look, you’re not a suspect at all. Well, not yet, anyway. I mean, you’re not a suspect at all! But my colleague thinks it all seems a bit odd.

ZARA: Really? Do you know what I think your colleague seems like?

JIM: Can you tell me what happened in the apartment, please? So I can record it? That’s my job here.

ZARA: Sure.

JIM: Great. How many prospective buyers were there in the apartment?

ZARA: Define “prospective buyers.”

JIM: I mean: How many people were there who wanted to buy the apartment?

ZARA: Five.

JIM: Five?

ZARA: Two couples. One woman.

JIM: Plus you and the real estate agent. So seven hostages in total?

ZARA: Five plus two is seven, yes. You’re very smart.

JIM: But there were eight hostages?

ZARA: You haven’t counted the rabbit.

JIM: The rabbit?

ZARA: You heard.

JIM: What rabbit?

ZARA: Do you want me to tell you what happened or not?

JIM: Sorry.

ZARA: Do you seriously think one of the hostages helped the bank robber to escape?

JIM: You don’t think so?

ZARA: No.

JIM: Why not?

ZARA: They were all idiots.

JIM: And the bank robber?

ZARA: What about the bank robber?

JIM: Do you think he shot himself intentionally or by accident?

ZARA: What are you talking about?

JIM: We heard a pistol shot from the apartment, after you were released. When we got inside the apartment the floor was covered in blood.

ZARA: Blood? Where?

JIM: On the carpet and floor in the living room.

ZARA: Oh. Nowhere else?

JIM: No.

ZARA: Okay.

JIM: Sorry?

ZARA: Excuse me?

JIM: When you said “okay,” it sounded as if you were about to say something more.

ZARA: Definitely not.

JIM: Sorry. Well, my colleague is convinced it was there in the living room that he shot himself. That was what I was going to say.

ZARA: And you still don’t know who the bank robber is?

JIM: No.

ZARA: Listen—if you don’t explain soon how on earth you suspect I might be involved in this, you’ll end up wishing I had called my lawyer.

JIM: No one suspects you of anything! My colleague would just like to know why you were there in the apartment, if you weren’t there to buy it?

ZARA: My psychologist told me I needed a hobby.

JIM: Viewing apartments is your hobby?

ZARA: People like you are more interesting than you might imagine.

JIM: People like me?

ZARA: People in your socio-economic bracket. It’s interesting seeing how you live. How you manage to bear it. I went to a few viewings, then a few more, it’s like heroin. Have you tried heroin? You feel disgusted with yourself, but it’s hard to stop.

JIM: You’re telling me you’ve become addicted to viewing apartments owned by people who earn far less than you?

ZARA: Yes. Like when kids catch baby birds in glass jars. The same slightly forbidden attraction.

JIM: You mean insects? People do that with insects.

ZARA: Sure. If that makes you feel better.

JIM: So you were at this apartment viewing because it’s your hobby?

ZARA: Is that a real tattoo on your arm?

JIM: Yes.

ZARA: Is it supposed to be an anchor?

JIM: Yes.

ZARA: Did you lose a bet or something?

JIM: What do you mean by that?

ZARA: Was someone threatening your family? Or did you do it voluntarily?

JIM: Voluntarily.

ZARA: Why do people like you hate money so much?

JIM: I’m not even going to comment on that. I’d just like you to tell me, so that we’ve got it on tape, why the other witnesses say you didn’t seem at all afraid when you saw the bank robber’s pistol. Did you think it wasn’t real?

ZARA: I understood perfectly well that it was real. That’s why I wasn’t frightened. I was surprised.

JIM: That’s an unusual reaction to a pistol.

ZARA: For you, maybe. But I’d been contemplating killing myself for quite a long time, so when I saw the pistol I was surprised.

JIM: I don’t know what to say to that. Sorry. You’d been contemplating killing yourself?

ZARA: Yes. So I was surprised when I realized that I didn’t want to die. It came as a bit of a shock.

JIM: Did you start seeing your psychologist because of those suicidal thoughts?

ZARA: No. I needed the psychologist because I was having trouble sleeping. Because I used to lie awake thinking that I could have killed myself if only I had enough sleeping pills.

JIM: And it was your psychologist who suggested that you needed a hobby?

ZARA: Yes. That was after I told her about my cancer.

JIM: Oh. I’m very sorry to hear that. How sad.

ZARA: Okay, look…