Anxious People

35

Witness Interview

Date: December 30

Name of witness: Roger

JACK: Are you okay?

ROGER: What sort of question is that?

JACK: Your nose looks like it’s been bleeding.

ROGER: Yes, well, it does that sometimes, the quack says it’s “stress.” Never mind that, just ask your questions.

JACK: Okay, then. You went to the apartment viewing with your wife, Anna-Lena?

ROGER: How do you know that?

JACK: It’s in my notes.

ROGER: Why have you got notes about my wife?

JACK: We’re interviewing all the witnesses.

ROGER: You shouldn’t have notes about my wife.

JACK: Just stay calm now.

ROGER: I’m perfectly freaking calm.

JACK: In my experience, that’s what people who are anything but calm say.

ROGER: I’m not going to answer any questions about my wife!

JACK: No, okay, fine. Can you answer some questions about the perpetrator, then?

ROGER: How can I answer that until you’ve asked them?

JACK: To start with: Where do you think he’s hiding?

ROGER: Who?

JACK: Who do you think?

ROGER: The bank robber?

JACK: No, Waldo.

ROGER: Who’s that?

JACK: You don’t know who Waldo is? It’s the title of an old kids’ book, Where’s Waldo?. Forget it, I was being sarcastic.

ROGER: I have no reason to read kids’ books.

JACK: I’m sorry. Can you tell me where you think the perpetrator is hiding?

ROGER: How should I know?

JACK: I hope you’ll forgive me pressing you for an answer, but we have reason to believe that the perpetrator is still in the apartment. I thought perhaps you might be able to help, because your wife says you do exhaustive research before each viewing. And that you check all the measurements on the plans.

ROGER: You can’t trust real estate agents. Some of them couldn’t even measure a ruler using another ruler.

JACK: That’s exactly what I mean. Did you discover anything special about this particular apartment?

ROGER: Yes. The real estate agent is an idiot.

JACK: Why?

ROGER: There were three feet missing from the measurements, between the walls.

JACK: Really? Between which walls? Can you show me on the plan?

ROGER: There. You can hear it if you knock. The gap.

JACK: Why would it be there?

ROGER: Probably because this apartment and the one next door used to be one single larger apartment once upon a time, when people around here had more money and apartments were cheaper. Now the whole housing market’s being manipulated to screw ordinary people. It’s the real estate agents’ fault. And the banks’. And people from Stockholm. Driving the prices up and everything. What the hell are you rolling your eyes for?

JACK: Sorry. I don’t want to get involved. But haven’t you and your wife bought and sold a number of apartments as speculative investments in recent years? Surely that must push prices up as well?

ROGER: So now there’s something wrong with making a bit of money, too?

JACK: I didn’t say that.

ROGER: I’m a good negotiator, and that isn’t a crime, you know!

JACK: No, no, of course not.

ROGER: At least I thought I was a good negotiator.

JACK: I don’t follow you?

ROGER: I used to be an engineer. Before I retired. Does it say that in your notes?

JACK: What? No.

ROGER: So that’s not relevant, then? A whole life spent doing a job, and it isn’t relevant enough to be included in your notes? Do you know what my colleagues did in those last years?

JACK: No.

ROGER: They were faking it. Just like her.

JACK: Your wife?

ROGER: No, Waldo.

JACK: What?

ROGER: You think people in your generation are the only ones who can be sarcastic, boy?