Beautiful Oblivion

CHAPTER ELEVEN

AFTER HAM AND CHEESE SANDWICHES, A MOVIE, AND A short trip to Chicken Joe’s, Trenton and Olive were on their way to her house, and I was on my way to the Red. I could see my breath as I walked to the employees’ side entrance, and kept my coat on until more bodies filtered in and warmed the bar.

“Holy flippindip!” Blia said, rubbing her hands together as she passed by. “It’s colder than a frog’s ass in January!”

“And it’s only October,” I grumbled.

The Saturday night crowd never came in, and three hours after we reported for work, it was still dead. Raegan propped her chin with her fist, and clicked the nails of the other hand on the bar. Two guys were playing pool over by the west wall. One of them was wearing a Legend of Zelda T-shirt, and the other guy’s clothes were so wrinkled, he looked like he’d dressed straight from the dirty laundry hamper. They weren’t the sort to attend an underground fight, so it wasn’t hard to guess what had stolen our business.

Raegan’s regular, Marty, was sitting alone at her end of the bar. He and the pimply faced boys at the pool tables, they were our only patrons, and it was ten o’clock.

“Goddamn it. Goddamn those fights. Why can’t they have them during the week when it won’t cut into our tips?” Raegan said.

“They’ll come after, and then the whole bar will be one big fight, and you’ll wish they had all stayed away,” I said, sweeping the floor for the third time.

Kody walked by, glancing at Raegan from the corner of his eye. He depended on being busy to get through a whole night of Raegan being across the room. He had been moping around for two weeks, and taking his frustration out on the drunken idiots who dared fight on his side of the bar. The Wednesday before, Gruber had had to pull Kody out of the heap. Hank had already spoken to him once, and I was afraid if he didn’t snap out of it soon, he was going to get fired.

Raegan glanced over at him, just for a moment, when she was sure he wasn’t looking.

“Have you talked to him?” I asked.

Raegan shrugged. “I try not to. He makes me feel like an asshole when I’m not talking to him, so I’m not eager to start a conversation.”

“He’s upset. He loves you.”

Raegan’s face fell. “I know.”

“How are things with Brazil?”

Her face lit up. “He’s busy with football and Sig Tau, but there’s a Valentine’s date party. He asked me yesterday.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Oh. So it’s like . . . this is serious.”

Raegan pulled her mouth to the side, looked at Kody, and then looked down. “Brazil was my first love, Cami.”

I reached out and touched her shoulder. “I do not envy you. What a shitty situation.”

“Speaking of first loves . . . I think you’re his,” she said, nodding toward the entrance.

Trenton strolled in, a big smile on his face. I couldn’t help but match his expression. From the corner of my eye, I could see Raegan watching us, but I didn’t care.

“Hey,” he said, leaning forward against the bar.

“I thought you would be at the fight.”

“Unlike boyfriends in California, I have my priorities straight.”

“Very funny,” I said, but my stomach fluttered.

“What are you doing later?” he asked.

“Sleeping.”

“It’s really cold outside. I thought maybe you’d need the extra layer.”

I tried not to smile like an idiot, but I couldn’t help it. He was having that effect on me lately.

“Where the hell did Ray sneak off to?” Hank said.

I shrugged. “It’s fight night, Hank. We’re dead. I can handle it.”

“Who fucking cares where she is?” Kody said. His arms were crossed as he leaned his back against the bar. He was watching the near empty room with a frown on his face.

“Did you get that job?” Hank asked.

“No,” Kody said, shifting.

Hank put his hands on each side of his mouth in an attempt to amplify what he was about to yell, and then took a breath. “Hey, Gruby! Send Blia over here to cover for Raegan while she’s outside, would ya?”

Gruber nodded and walked toward the kiosk. I cringed, wishing Hank hadn’t reminded Kody and everyone else that Raegan was likely outside, talking to Brazil.

Kody’s entire face crumpled.

I felt bad for him. He hated the job he once loved, and none of us could blame him. Hank had even given him a good reference for the hardware store where Kody had applied.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I know it’s hard for you.”

Kody turned to look at me, a wounded expression on his face. “You don’t know shit, Cami. If you did, you would have talked some sense into her.”

“Hey,” Trenton said, turning around. “What the fuck, dude? Don’t talk to her like that.”

I motioned for Trenton to stand down, and I crossed my arms, ready for the full force of Kody’s frustration to blow my way. “Ray does what she wants, Kody. You of all people know that.”

His jaws danced under his skin, and he looked down. “I just . . . I don’t get it. We were good. We didn’t fight. Not really. Stupid shit about her dad sometimes, but most of the time we had fun. I loved spending time with her, but I gave her space when she needed it. She loved me. I mean . . . she said she did.”

“She did,” I said. It was hard watching him talk. He was leaning against the bar like it was hard to stand.

I reached across to put my hand on his shoulder. “You’re just going to have to accept that it doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

He shrugged away from me. “He’s just using her. That’s the worst part. I love her more than my life and he doesn’t give a shit about her.”

“You don’t know that,” I said.

“Yeah, I do. You don’t think the guys at Sig Tau talk, Cami? You don’t think they’re discussing your drama, too? They’re worse than the Cap Sig girls, sitting around gossiping about who’s fucking who. And then it trickles down to me and I have to hear about all of it.”

“My drama?” I glanced around. “I don’t have drama.”

Kody pointed at Trenton. “You’re racing toward it at ninety miles an hour. You shouldn’t mess with that, Cami. They’ve been through enough.”

Kody walked away, and I stood, stunned for a few moments.

Trenton made a face. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” I said. I kept my face smooth, pretending that my heart wasn’t trying to beat through my chest. T.J. and I weren’t exactly a secret, but we didn’t broadcast our relationship. I was the only one from our little town that knew the nature of his job, and it was important to him that we kept it that way. A little bit of knowledge led to questions, and avoiding questions meant keeping secrets. It really hadn’t been that big a deal because we’d never given anyone a reason to talk about us. Until now.

“What’s he talkin’ about, Cami?” Trenton asked.

I rolled my eyes and shrugged. “Who fucking knows? He’s just mad.”

Kody turned around and touched his chest. “You don’t know what I’m talking about? You’re not any better than her, and you know it!” He walked away again.

Trenton was completely confused, but instead of sticking around to explain, I pushed up on the hinged piece of the bar, let it slam down behind me, and followed Kody across the room. “Hey. Hey!” I yelled a second time, jogging to catch up to him.

Kody stopped, but he didn’t turn around.

I tugged on his shirt, forcing him to face me. “I’m not Raegan, so stop taking your anger out on me! I have tried to talk to her. I was rooting for you, damn it! But now you’re being a whiny, pouty, intolerable asshole!”

Kody’s eyes softened, and he began to say something.

I held up my hand, not interested in what was likely going to be an apology. I pointed at his broad chest. “You don’t know dick about my personal life, so don’t ever talk to me like you do. Do we understand each other?”

Kody nodded, and I left him standing in the middle of the room to return to my post.

“Fuckity squared,” Blia said, her eyes wide. “Remind me to never piss you off. Even the bouncer is scared of you.”

“Camille!” a voice said from the other side of the bar.

“Oh, hell,” I said under my breath. Out of habit, I tried to make myself small, tried not to be noticed, but it was too late. Clark and Colin were waiting patiently for me on Blia’s end of the bar. I walked over to them and faked a smile. “Sam Adams?”

“Yes, please,” Clark said. He was the least offensive of my brothers, and most of the time I wished we were closer. But on the average day, being around one meant being around all of them, and that wasn’t an environment I wanted to tolerate anymore.

“Uncle Felix is still pissed at you,” Colin said.

“Christ, Colin. I’m at work.”

“I just thought you should know,” he said, a smug look on his face.

“He’s always pissed at me,” I said, pulling two bottles out of the cooler and popping the tops. I slid them across the bar.

Clark’s face fell. “No, but Mom’s had to stop him from taking off for your apartment every time he and Coby get into it.”

“Jesus, he’s still on Coby’s ass?” I asked.

“It’s been pretty . . . unstable at their house lately.”

“Don’t tell me,” I said, shaking my head. “I can’t listen to it.”

“He’s not,” Colin said, frowning. “My dad said Felix swore he’d never do that again.”

“Not that it would matter if he did,” I grumbled. “She’d still stay.”

“Hey, that’s their business,” Colin said.

I glared at him. “That was my childhood. She’s my mother. It’s my business.”

Clark took a swig of his beer. “He’s mad because you missed family lunch again today.”

“I wasn’t invited,” I said.

“You’re always invited. Mom was disappointed, too.”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t deal with him. I have other things I’d rather do.”

Clark’s brows pulled together. “That’s harsh. We’re still your family. We’d all still take a bullet for you, Camille.”

“What about Mom?” I asked. “Would you take a bullet for her?”

“Damn it, Cami. Can you just let it go?” Colin asked.

I raised an eyebrow. “No, and Chase, Clark, and Coby shouldn’t, either. I have to work,” I said, returning to my side of the bar.

A large hand wrapped around my arm. Trenton stood when he saw Clark grab me, but I shook my head and turned.

Clark sighed. “We’ve never been the type of family to gush about our feelings, but we’re still family. You’re still family. I know he’s a lot to take sometimes, but we still have to keep it together. We have to try.”

“You’re not in his crosshairs, Clark. You don’t know what it’s like.”

Clark’s jaw worked under the skin. “I know you’re the oldest, Cami. But you’ve been gone for three years. If you think I don’t know what it’s like to take the brunt of his anger, you’re wrong.”

“Then why pretend? We’re hanging on by a thread. I’m not even sure what’s keeping us together anymore.”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s all we’ve got,” Clark said.

I watched him for a while, and then pulled them both another beer. “Here. These are on me.”

“Thanks, sis,” Clark said.

“You okay?” Trenton asked when I walked back to my station.

I nodded. “They said Dad’s still pissed about Coby. I guess Dad and Coby have been fighting a lot. Dad’s been threatening to come over and set me straight.”

“Set you straight how, exactly?”

I shrugged. “When my brothers fall out of line, it somehow always falls back on me.”

“How does that play out? When he comes over pissed off?”

“He’s never come to my apartment before. But, I suppose if he’s mad enough, one of these days he will.”

Trenton didn’t respond, but he shifted in his chair, seeming very unsettled.

Blia came over and showed me the display on her cell phone. “Just got a text from Laney. She said the fight is over and most of them are headed this way.”

“Woo!” Raegan said as she walked behind the bar. She pulled out her empty tip jar—a hurricane glass—and set it on top of the bar. Marty immediately pulled out a twenty and dropped it in.

Raegan winked at him and smiled.

Trenton patted the bar a few times. “I’d better head out. Don’t want to be here when the dumb fucks from the fight get here and I end up almost killing someone. Again.”

I winked at him. “Mr. Responsible.”

“Text me later. I wanna hang out tomorrow,” he said, walking away.

“Again?” Raegan asked, her eyebrows floating near her hairline.

“Shut up,” I said, not wanting to even hear her opinion.

The postfight crowd trickled in at first, and then the Red was standing room only. The DJ was playing upbeat music, but it didn’t matter: the men were drunk and they all thought they were as invincible as Travis Maddox.

Within half an hour, Kody, Gruber, and Hank were all breaking up fights. At one point, most of the bar was in one massive clash, and Hank was throwing dozens out at a time. Police cruisers were parked outside, helping with the masses, and arresting some of the rowdier guys for public intoxication before they could get into their vehicles.

Before long, the bar was a ghost town again. The club music returned to classic rock and Top Forty, and Raegan was counting her tips, grumbling, and once in a while shouting a single curse word.

“Between you helping your brother and these shitty tips, we’ll be lucky to make bills this month. I need to start saving for a party dress sometime.”

“So bet on Travis,” I said. “That’s an easy fifty.”

“I have to have money to bet on Travis, first,” she snapped.

Someone sat down, hard, onto one of the barstools in front of me. “Whiskey,” he said. “And keep ’em coming.”

“Were your ears burning, Trav?” I asked, handing him a beer. “Doesn’t seem like a whiskey night to me.”

“You wouldn’t be the only females talking shit about me.” He tilted back his head and let the amber liquid slide down his throat, nearly in one gulp. The glass bottle crashed to the bar, and I popped the second top, setting the bottle before Travis.

“Someone’s talking shit on you? Not very smart of them,” I said, watching Travis light a cigarette.

“The pigeon,” he said, crossing his arms over the top of the bar. He leaned, hunched over, looking lost. I watched him for a moment, unsure if he was talking code or already drunk.

“Did you get hit harder than usual tonight?” I asked, genuinely concerned.

Another large group walked in, probably stragglers from the fight. They were happier and seemed to all get along, at least. Travis and I had to pause our conversation. For the next twenty minutes or so, I was too busy to chat, but when the last of the postfight crowd pushed through the red door to head home, I sat a glass of Jim Beam in front of Travis, and then topped it off. He still looked depressed. Maybe even more than before.

“Okay, Trav. Let’s hear it.”

“Hear what?” he asked, leaning away.

I shook my head. “The girl.” That was the only explanation for Travis Maddox having that look on his face. I’d never seen it before, so that could only mean one thing.

“What girl?”

I rolled my eyes. “What girl. Seriously? Who do you think you’re talking to?”

“All right, all right,” he said, looking around. He leaned in. “It’s Pigeon.”

“Pigeon? You’re joking.”

Travis managed a small laugh. “Abby. She’s a pigeon. A demonic pigeon that fucks with my head so bad I can’t think straight. Nothing makes sense anymore, Cam. Every rule I’ve ever made’s getting broken one by one. I’m a pussy. No . . . worse. I’m Shep.”

I laughed. “Be nice.”

“You’re right. Shepley’s a good guy.”

I poured him another drink, and he slammed it back.

“Be nice to yourself, too,” I said as I wiped off the counter. “Falling for someone isn’t a sin, Trav. Jesus.”

Travis’s eyes bounced from side to side. “I’m confused. You talking to me, or Jesus?”

“I’m serious,” I said. “So you have feelings for her, so what?”

“She hates me.”

“Nah.”

“No, I heard her tonight. By accident. She thinks I’m a scumbag.”

“She said that?”

“Pretty much.”

“Well, you kinda are.”

Travis frowned. He wasn’t expecting that. “Thanks a lot.”

I poured him another drink. He tossed it down his throat before I could pull another beer from the cooler. I set the beer on the bar, and then held out my hands, palms up. “Based on your past behavior, do you disagree? My point is . . . maybe for her, you could be a better man.”

I poured him another shot. He immediately tilted back his head, opened his throat, and let it all wash down.

“You’re right. I’ve been a scumbag. Could I change? I don’t fuckin’ know. Probably not enough to deserve her.”

Travis’s eyes were already glassing over, so I set the bottle of Jim Beam back in its home, and then turned to my friend. He lit another cigarette. “Toss me another beer.”

“Trav, I think you’ve had enough already,” I said. He was too drunk to realize that he already had one.

“Cami, just fucking do it.”

I grabbed the glass bottle not six inches away, and placed it directly in his line of sight.

“Oh,” he said.

“Yeah. Like I said. You’ve had plenty to drink in the short time you’ve been here.”

“There’s not enough liquor in the world that could make me forget what she said tonight.” His words were slurring. Shit.

“What exactly did she say?” I asked.

“She said I wasn’t good enough. I mean . . . in a roundabout way, but that’s what she fucking meant. She thinks I’m a piece of shit, and I . . . I think I’m falling for her. I don’t know. I can’t think straight anymore. But when I got her home after the fight, and I knew she was there for a month”—he rubbed the back of his neck—“I think that’s the happiest I’ve ever been, Cami.”

My brows pulled together. I’d never seen him so distraught. “She’s staying with you for a month?”

“We made a bet tonight. If I didn’t get hit, she had to move in for a month.”

“That was your idea?” I asked. Damn. He was already in love with this girl and didn’t even know it.

“Yeah. I thought I was a fucking genius up until an hour ago.” He tilted the glass. “Another.”

“Nope. Drink your damn beer,” I said, pushing it toward him.

“I know I don’t deserve her. She’s”—his eyes lost focus—“incredible. There’s something in her eyes that’s familiar. Something I can relate to, ya know?”

I nodded. I knew exactly what he meant. I felt that way about a pair of eyes that looked a lot like his.

“So maybe you should talk to her about it,” I said. “Don’t have one of those stupid misunderstandings.”

“She’s got a date tomorrow night. With Parker Hayes.”

My nose wrinkled. “Parker Hayes? Haven’t you warned her about him?”

“She wouldn’t believe me. She’d just think I was saying that because I’m jealous.”

He was swaying in his chair. I was going to have to call him a cab.

“Aren’t you? Jealous?”

“Yeah, but he’s also a shit stick.”

“True.”

Travis tilted his beer bottle and took a big swig. His eyelids were heavy. He wasn’t pacing himself at all.

“Trav . . .”

“Not tonight, Cami. I just want to get drunk.”

I nodded. “Looks like you’ve accomplished that. Want me to call a cab?”

He shook his head slightly.

“Fine, but find a ride home.” He tried to take another swig of his beer, but I held onto the neck of the bottle until he made eye contact. “I mean it.”

“I heard you.”

I let go, and then watched him finish off the bottle.

“Trent was talking about you the other day,” he said.

“Oh yeah?”

“I’m going to get her a puppy,” Travis said. At least he was too drunk to stay on the subject of Trenton. “Think Trent will keep him for me?”

“How am I supposed to know?”

“Aren’t you guys attached at the hip these days?”

“Not really.”

Travis’s face compressed. “This is awful,” he said, his words melding together. “Who fucking wants to feel like this? Who would purposefully do this to themselves?”

“Shepley,” I said with a smile.

He raised both eyebrows. “You ain’t fuckin’ kiddin’.” After a short pause, his face fell. “What do I do, Cami? Tell me what to do, because I don’t fuckin’ know.”

I shook my head. “You’re sure she doesn’t want you?”

Travis looked up at me with sad eyes. “That’s what she said.”

I shrugged. “Then you try to forget about her.”

Travis looked down at his empty bottle. The two girls from State who Trenton had left behind the night before began buying Travis drinks, and before long, he could barely stay on his stool. For the next hour and a half, he’d fully committed to finding the bottom of every bottle he could get his hands on.

The Southern State sisters took a stool on each side of Travis. I walked away, tending to my regulars for a while. I wouldn’t be surprised if they thought he was Trenton. The youngest four Maddox boys looked so much alike, and Travis was wearing a white T-shirt that looked a lot like what Trenton had been wearing.

From the corner of my eye, I saw one of the girls drape her leg over Travis’s thigh. The other turned his face, and then they were sucking face in a way that made me feel like a pervert for watching.

“Uh, Travis?” I said.

He stood up and threw a one-hundred-dollar bill on the bar. He held his finger up to his lips, and then winked. “This is me. Forgetting.”

The girls walked on each side of him, and he leaned on them, barely able to walk.

“Travis! They better be your ride home!” I yelled.

He didn’t acknowledge me.

Raegan laughed. “Oh, Travis,” she said. “He’s certainly entertaining.”

I crossed my arms across my stomach. “I hope they get a hotel room.”

“Why?” Raegan asked.

“Because the girl he’s in love with is at his apartment. And if those State girls go home with him, he is going to wake up in the morning and hate himself.”

“He’ll figure a way out of it. He always does.”

“Yeah, but this time it’s different. He was pretty desperate. If he loses that girl, I don’t know what he’ll do.”

“He’ll get drunk, and then get laid. That’s what all the Maddox boys do.” I craned my neck at her, and she offered an apologetic smile. “I warned you a long time ago not to get mixed up with them. You have yet to listen to any of my advice.”

“You should talk,” I said, reaching up and pulling the horn for last call.