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Chapter 2

Anaya

I should have been thankful for the warmth. I wasn’t. How could I be when I’d left Cash in such a cold, dark place alone with those…those…God, there wasn’t even a word for how vile they were.

There should have been a name worse than “shadow demon” to describe them.

I couldn’t stand this anymore. How much longer was Balthazar going to drag this out? The woman walking beside me gasped and gripped my hand a little tighter. I squeezed back as we watched the gates pull apart and the light explode from between them.

“It’s—it’s…” she stammered, smoothing her free hand over her purple nightgown before combing her thin white hair with fragile fingers. I reached up and tucked a curl behind her ear.

“I know.”

A gust of warm wind swept over us. Dandelion cotton swirled around us like a song. Stars glinted and glowed not just from the sky above, but from every space in between. I took a deep breath and filled my lungs with peace and the scent of the sea. It reminded me of home.

“Is it…Heaven?” she asked.

I laughed. “What do you think?”

Her pale wrinkled fingers slipped from mine as seamlessly as her soul had slipped from her body while she slept. I loved my job when it was like this. No blood. No tears. Just peace. Joy. She’d lived a full, happy life and she’d been ready. That always made it easier. She stepped forward into a whirlwind of light. Amber and gold wisps of color engulfed her, smoothing the wrinkles from her face. Placing the shine back in her naturally blond hair. The aged gray color dripped away and dissolved into the clouds beneath our feet. The innocent light of youth caught fire and blazed back into her eyes. When she faced me again, she didn’t look a day over seventeen.

“I’m…” She stared at her smooth, flawless hands.

“You’re home,” I said.

Don’t be jealous, Anaya. I stepped back and smiled, wondering if the day would ever come that I wouldn’t have to remind myself. Wouldn’t have to wonder if the soul I was ushering to the other side would shake my father’s hand. See my mother’s smile. Look into Tarik’s soft brown eyes. I turned and sprinted through the gates, away from the warmth, the memories. If I didn’t get away now, I’d remember. I’d remember what Tarik’s hands felt like in my hair, his lips on my mouth, his laughter against my neck. I barreled through the mist, into the Inbetween, and collided with a black blur.

“Hey! Slow down,” Easton said, spinning around to look at me. I looked at his leather pants, T-shirt, and combat boots, all black, and shook my head. The violet eyes that lit up his face were the only splash of color in the shadow that was Easton.

“Why do you always look like you’re going to a funeral?” I brushed the ash from my arm where he’d grabbed me. As a reaper for Hell, ash seemed to follow him everywhere.

“Already with the compliments, Anaya?” Easton grinned. “You know people are going to get the wrong idea about us if you keep flirting with me like this.”

I rolled my eyes. “Only in your sickest dreams.”

“I don’t have dreams,” he said. “When you live in my world, the best you can hope for is nightmares.” He looked me up and down with cold eyes. “And, sweetheart, you wouldn’t last five minutes in one of mine.”

I sighed and pretended to pick at a nonexistent thread on my dress so I wouldn’t have to look at him.

“Charming, as always.”

Easton laughed and waved to a reaper carrying a soul over. The boy’s soul looked over at us, blue eyes wide, afraid. He reminded me of the way Finn had looked when Easton had brought him to us. A little younger, sure, but the look in his eyes was right. I hated that look. The guys always said I was the lucky one, only having to deal with the Heaven-bound. I suppose they were right. None of my charges ever had that look on their face when I offered them eternal peace and happiness.

What they didn’t understand was the torture. Knowing your family, the ones you loved, were so close and still so untouchable. My eyes may have been stained gold by the utter perfectness of that place, but it didn’t take the sting away knowing how unwelcome I was there. But not for long. Once this was done, Balthazar would give me what I’d been working a thousand years for.

Redemption.

“What are you doing here?” I hooked a braid behind my ear.

“A better question is when am I not here?” Easton growled. “I swear to God, if they don’t get a replacement for Finn in here soon, I’m going on strike. I can’t handle his workload plus mine anymore.”

“Hey, I’ve been helping.”

“Not enough.” He frowned. “Maybe you’d have more time if you weren’t spending all your time stalking the human kid.”

A thread of guilt sewed a knot in my gut. I looked down at Easton’s dusty boots. A gray glittery mist circled them like fog.

“I’m doing my job,” I said. “If you have a problem with it, take it up with Balthazar. Trust me, babysitting a human isn’t exactly my idea of fun.” I didn’t mention the invisible thread that kept me tethered to Cash. Balthazar’s orders or not, when I wasn’t reaping it’s like it wasn’t even a choice. It was like…gravity.

“What’s Balthazar doing, having you keep him hanging on like that, anyway?” Easton said. “Kind of cruel, isn’t it? He can’t last much longer in that body. It’s got to be shutting down by now.”

I flinched. “It’s not my business to know. I’m just doing what I was told.”

“Which is?”

“I’m just supposed to look after him, and when his time comes around again, collect him. End of story.” I left out the part where I was supposed to completely swindle the poor boy out of his destined afterlife and deliver him into Balthazar’s scheming hands. “I’m sure Balthazar has a good reason for doing this.” He better. I may have been a slave to death, but cruel I was not. It didn’t bring me any joy to see a boy as vibrant and alive as Cash withering mentally and physically before my very eyes. And

Balthazar’s secrets made me uneasy.

“Why do I feel like you’re keeping something from me?”

I forced a laugh and tossed my braids over my shoulder. “I think spending your days with liars and crooks is making you paranoid.”

“Right.” Easton rolled his eyes. “Keep your little secret, then. Just don’t come running to me when this blows up in your face. This isn’t going to end well. Not for that kid anyway. I can feel it.”

“I’ll make sure he’s okay.” I looked away. “Don’t worry about it.”

Easton made a growling sound deep in his throat when his scythe burned at his hip. I cringed away from the smoke that twirled up from the scorching blade. It smelled like death. “Just promise me you’ll stay out of trouble. I don’t need your workload, too.”

I closed my eyes, drowning in guilt. Why couldn’t Balthazar just let me take the boy? He could have been happy right now. At peace. Instead he was sick and afraid and confused every minute of the day and night. I shouldn’t have done it. Shouldn’t have followed orders, knowing nothing good could come of them. I’d never been that weak before. And being around Cash, close enough to memorize the tilt of his lips while he painted, the rhythm of his breathing while he slept, see every fleck of color behind his rich, dark eyes…it wasn’t safe. Something about those eyes…he made me feel like I was unraveling. I hadn’t felt that way in a thousand years. He made me feel things I had no right to feel.

“Anaya!”

“I’ve got it, okay?”

Easton looked me over and nodded once, seeming satisfied. “Good. I’ll catch up with you later.”

I watched a black puddle of screams bubble up through the mist and swallow Easton whole.

Suddenly I was alone in my head again. Cornered with the memories. I ran for the gates to the

Inbetween, needing to get back to Cash for reasons I didn’t really understand. Reasons I didn’t want to understand. Part of me wanted to pummel Balthazar for getting me involved in this. If he hadn’t put this on me, forced me to spend every free moment with him, then I wouldn’t feel so…so…

I gritted my teeth and shook the thought right out of my head. I did not feel anything for this boy. I couldn’t. In fact, I was about to prove it. Once I was clear, I closed my eyes and gasped, allowing the wispy white ground to fall out from under me. Warm midnight wind whipped through me. A golden light bloomed across the black of night as I split the sky. For a few perfect moments I was weightless.

I landed light as a feather on the soft green Bermuda grass outside Cash’s bedroom window, leaving stars smeared across the sky behind me. They were already here. The shadow demons. I could smell them. Death and decay and rot.

You want to be here with him. Lie to yourself all you want, but Balthazar has nothing to do with what you’re feeling inside.

I scowled at the thoughts taunting me and slipped through the brick wall. It was cold and uncomfortably solid for a second, and then I was engulfed in the warm smell of Cash. The clean lemony scent of his shampoo, and the leftover bite of paint. I walked across the room toward the curled-up lump under the covers. Pale moonlight barely illuminated his outline. His chest was rising and falling beneath the navy-blue comforter; steady, like waves pushing up from the bottom of the sea.

The only part of him I could see were a few disorderly black spikes of hair sticking out of the top of the blanket. A hiss sounded from the corner of the room and Cash’s entire body went rigid. I spun around on my heel and jerked the scythe from my holster.

A shadow demon shrank back from me into the dark corner of the room, curling up behind a big oak dresser. I’d expect to see one of them at a reap. The slime of the underworld were always looking for scraps, a soul we’d left behind, but not here. Not near a boy as alive as Cash. It didn’t make sense.

“I suggest you leave.” I waved my blade at it. “I’m not in a very forgiving mood today.”

The black puddle of scum opened its gaping hole of a mouth to bare its bloody throat before slipping through the drywall and out of the room. I sighed and turned back to Cash. He’d pulled the blankets off his face and was staring vacantly at the poster of a half-naked girl on his ceiling. I didn’t think he was seeing her, though. He swallowed and something fluttered like a hummingbird’s wings in my chest as I watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down.

“Thanks for coming back,” he whispered into the dark. I could tell it cost him to give me that much.

To him, I was just something else he didn’t understand—or want.

I sank down to my knees next to Cash’s bed and folded my arms over the edge of his mattress. I propped my chin up on my arms and breathed him in. Watched his eyelids get heavy. Studied the way his lips opened just enough to blow a slow breath out between them. From here the moon glinted off the silver ring in his eyebrow. He shifted out of the blankets and his bare shoulder came to a rest against my lips. If I’d gone corporeal in that moment, we would have been touching. My lips on his skin. I hadn’t thought about another person’s taste in a thousand years. Not since Tarik. A heavy, achy feeling tugged at the empty space in my chest and I caught myself chewing on my bottom lip. I had to stop thinking like this. Every thought, every image, every pang of want was a betrayal to Tarik.

I moved away from the bed.

“Please don’t leave,” Cash muttered sleepily. “I just need a little sleep. I can’t sleep when they’re here.”

I hesitated, torn between my duty and what was right. “I won’t leave,” I finally said, knowing he couldn’t hear, but wanting to say it anyway.

He blinked at the ceiling, waiting for just a moment. When he realized I was still there, he turned over on his side.

I laid my palm over the place in my chest where the familiar ache had started to form. It hurt. It hurt in the kind of way that made you crave it. I felt like I had when I was free-falling through a black summer sky. I felt like I had the first time Tarik held my hand. I felt…alive. I glanced down at Cash, at the half frown pulling his lips down. I didn’t know why, but I would have done anything to keep him from hurting. From being afraid.

I sat back on my heels, wrapped my arms around my knees, and stared at the ceiling. Listened to

Cash breathing, trying to understand why I liked the sound of it so much. I may have forgotten what having a home felt like. I may have been stripped of the right to have one. But here in the dark, in this room, with this boy, I’d never felt closer to it.