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Chapter 6

Anaya

Cash gripped the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles looked as white as paper. His jaw was clenched, anger radiating from him like steam. I sat in the passenger seat of his Bronco and stared at the road stretching between the towering mountains as daylight turned to dusk. When I let myself look at him, my eyes insisted on focusing on ridiculous things. Like the way his paint-splattered red T-shirt clung to his biceps. Or the flicker of silver that appeared on his tongue every time he licked his lips.

Yes. The road was definitely a safer view. Cash slammed his fist into the radio to shut it off and I flinched.

“You realize this is seriously creepy,” he finally said. “Stalking me like this.”

I shut my eyes, letting gravity take hold of me. When I opened them again, Cash was staring at me.

“You should watch the road.” I pointed to the windshield, anything to keep his eyes off of me. I had completely underestimated this boy. Even in a fit of rage, the way he looked at me made me feel stripped down to my insides. No one looked at me like that anymore.

Cash shook his head and returned his attention to the highway.

“Death is giving me safe driving tips,” he muttered. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

“How do you do that?”

“What?”

“How do you know when I’m here? You shouldn’t be able to do that.”

Cash shrugged and kept his intense gaze focused on the road. “I don’t know. I…feel you, I guess.

Everything gets warm and smells like it does right after a thunderstorm,” he said. “You’ve never met anyone else who can do that? Sense you?”

I crossed my arms over my chest watching him. “Not in a thousand years.” Unless you counted

Finn, but Finn wasn’t exactly normal.

“Guess I’m just special then.”

I’d never seen Balthazar care about the fate of a human. Especially one like Cash. Yes, he was definitely special. I just didn’t know why yet.

“Where are you going?” I asked, watching all signs of civilization zip past us, only to be replaced by open highway and hills. Most humans were predictable, but I still couldn’t figure this one out.

“I don’t know,” he said. “Anywhere away from you would have been good. But I can see that’s not going to happen.”

“You don’t have to be so rude,” I said. “I’m just doing my job.”

“Bullshit.” Cash flipped on his headlights and passed a sign that said he was leaving Lone Pine city limits. “Your job is taking souls and I’m still here.”

“Are you forgetting you asked me for this?” I reined in the anger that simmered beneath my voice.

“How many times did you beg me to show myself? And now I’m here with answers, and all you can do is yell at me.”

Cash glanced at me from the corner of his eye and made a huffing sound.

“Don’t you have questions?”

He tapped on the steering wheel with his thumb as an oncoming car’s headlights splashed light over his features. “Can they hurt me? The shadows?”

“No.” Some of the tension melted away from his frame and the needle on the speedometer dropped a few numbers. I bit my lip to keep the guilt inside where it belonged. The truth was, I didn’t know. I didn’t know what Cash was and that meant I didn’t know what dangers our world held for him. I had never in a thousand years seen these shadows go after someone so aggressively, but he didn’t need to know that. “They feed off of souls. You’re still alive, so for the time being they should be nothing more than an annoyance. It’s when you die that you have to worry about them.”

“When you said if you had taken me I’d have gone to Heaven…” His gazed darted to me and back to the road. “Is that the only place you take souls?”

I touched my blade and thought of how many souls it had brought peace to over the years. Too many to count. I wished I could tell him yes, but it wouldn’t have been true. There was far more bad than good out there. It’s one of the reasons Easton stayed so busy.

“No,” I finally said. “There are other places. Each reaper has a territory. I am assigned to the

Heaven-bound.”

Cash smirked. “Let me guess. Finn was assigned to Hell. He had to be.”

The venom in his voice took me by surprise. I couldn’t understand where it was coming from. Finn may have made a lot of mistakes in his afterlife, but to his core he was good. “No, actually he collected for the Inbetween.” When he raised a brow I went on. “You might think of it as a sort of purgatory. A type of limbo for souls who don’t quite belong in Heaven or Hell yet.”

Headlights passed us, splashing light over Cash’s confused expression. “How did he get to be alive again? Did he just quit? Cash in his human card?”

I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth and stared out the windshield. “It’s not that easy. What happened with Finn…it’s unheard of. He had to have struck quite a bargain with Balthazar to get this.”

I was afraid to find out what he’d sacrificed. Knowing Finn, he would have given anything to be with Emma.

“Balthazar?” Cash said. “Is that your boss? Is he the one stringing me along?”

“Yes.”

Cash nodded and pulled off the road onto a scenic overlook. Outside the windshield, daylight was dying. The sun dipped low in the sky, setting the mountains on fire with color. The valley below was a sea of black, seemingly bottomless in the night. Cash leaned his head back against the headrest and closed his eyes. “This is so screwed up.”

I focused on his chest. The rise and fall of his lungs, something so foreign to me it was almost too painful to watch. “I know it is.”

“Do you really?” His head rolled to the side and his eyes looked like caves staring back at me in the dim cab of the Bronco. “This is the kind of shit you deal with every day. It must be normal for you.”

I thought of the eyes of the souls I carried over every day. Full of wonder and light and hope. Even the memory of them dimmed in the darkness that surrounded Cash and his uncertain future. And I thought about the warm, unsteady feeling Cash left blooming in my chest every time I looked at him.

The way, even now, my fingers ached to close the small space between our hands.

“No,” I said. “This isn’t normal for me.”

We stared at each other for an immeasurable moment. It felt like we’d been here before. Looking at each other from inches away. The phone in the cup holder between us vibrated and Cash broke eye contact to grab it. He looked at the message on the display and tossed it back without answering it.

“Emma?”

He stared at the phone in the cup holder. “Yeah.”

“Why are you blaming her for this?”

Cash opened his mouth, and then closed it again. He finally shook his head, staring at the steering wheel. “Because I don’t know what else to do.”

I pulled my legs up underneath me and the golden light from my eyes spilled across the vinyl seat between us. “You know this isn’t her fault. Even if you hadn’t decided to go into that fire, fate would have found another way. I still would have been sent to stop it.”

When he didn’t say anything, I went on. “She would have chosen to burn in that house rather than get you involved if she’d been given the choice. You know that, right?”

Cash looked out his window and drew lazy circles on the glass with his fingertip. “I know that.”

I watched him carve shapes in the foggy window until he rested his forehead against the glass and exhaled.

“You love her.” It wasn’t a question. It was clear. And for reasons I couldn’t place, my chest twisted in discomfort as I admitted it out loud for both of us.

“Of course I love her. But…” He paused and sat back in his seat. “She’s my best friend.”

“It’s more than that.”

He sighed and ran his palms in circles over the steering wheel. “You don’t get it. Nobody does.”

“Then help me understand.”

“She saves me,” he said, quietly.

I cocked my head to the side, trying to figure out what the look on his face meant. “From what?”

He laughed, bitterly. “Myself. Half the time, I feel like I’m drowning. Even before this. Like I’m in a room full of people screaming my lungs out and none of them can hear me. But Emma…she always hears me. She never lets me sink. She never lets me go, even when I know damn good and well it would be easier for her if she did.” His hands dropped into his lap and he finally gave in and met my gaze again. “But she can’t save me from this.”

Outside the window, behind him, a shadow slipped like sludge down the glass. Another slid across the hood before disappearing into the night. The desperation seeping out of him was drawing them in like cattle called to feed. He knew they were there. I could tell. But he didn’t let his fear show.

“No,” I said, softly. “She can’t.”

Cash pressed his lips together and nodded as if he’d hoped for a different answer but hadn’t expected it. After a silent moment he asked, “What’s it like?”

“What?”

His gaze met mine. “Dying.”

I thought back to the day I left my flesh behind. I’d been so foolish thinking death could give me escape. That it would lead me home. I turned toward the window and blinked away the memories. “It’s different for everyone.”

“For you,” he said. “I want to know what it was like for you.”

I bit my lip, fighting the ache swelling in my chest. “It was like being lost. Being lost and thinking

I’d finally made it home, only to realize I’d taken a wrong turn, and was still a world away from where

I wanted to be.”

My voice broke and Cash moved across the seat in one swift motion. “Hey…I didn’t mean to—”

I placed my palm on the seat to scoot away and his fingers accidentally slid over mine. We both froze. If I wouldn’t have known any better, I would’ve said the world stopped spinning in that moment. Everything was so still. So unbearably still and quiet. I stopped breathing, watching Cash’s chest rise with a sharp intake of breath. His eyes focused on his fingers pressing into my flesh, then traveled up until his gaze collided with mine.

Connection sparked, heating the air between us, making every square inch of my body aware of just how close he was. Cash tilted his head and let his fingers trace a slow, maddening line from my knuckles to my wrist, the look in his eyes so intense my insides fluttered with anticipation. Slowly, his fingers turned my hand over and his thumb rubbed a slow circle against my palm that felt so tight and warm I thought I might explode if he stopped.

This…this was wrong. Tarik. Think of Tarik. Just hearing his name echo inside my head was enough for me to feel sick with regret. No man should be touching me this way when Tarik couldn’t. I tried to let go of the corporeality, but…I couldn’t. Under his fingers I was solid. Blue smoke twined around my arm, as if it were securing me to him.

Cash exhaled a shaky breath and I came to my senses, jerking out from under his fingers, snapping the luminescent blue connection binding us together. I rubbed my wrist, where I could still feel his touch like a brand. Power surged uninhibited though my body, allowing me to relinquish my flesh for something less substantial. Something safer. How had he done that? He’d touched me. He’d forced me into corporeality. My eyes widened and the soft glow from them spilled across Cash’s face. What was he?

“I’m sorry,” he said, brows pulled together as he watched me squirm. “I just…I didn’t know I could touch you. I didn’t know you’d feel so…real.”

I smoothed my hands over my dress and dropped my gaze to my lap. “Neither did I.”

When I met his unwavering gaze, the heat there caused the invisible strings between us to pull tighter. He’d touched me. And he looked like he wanted to do it again. He shouldn’t want that, and neither should I.

A slow heat started to burn at my hip, rivaling the heat throbbing in my chest, under every inch of my skin. The way he was looking at me made me feel like I was on fire with no way to extinguish the flames. I rubbed my thumb over the pearl handle of my scythe, thankful for the interruption. Not the dead. This was Balthazar.

“I have to go, but I’ll be back.”

Cash blinked as if he were coming out of a daze. His gaze cut away from mine and he slid back across the seat, putting safe distance between us. He gripped the steering wheel and stared at his hands. After what felt like forever, he leaned over to flip on the music and cranked it up until my ears throbbed. I’m not even sure if he heard it when I said, “Stay safe.”