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Chapter 7

Cash

They were out there. Shadows. I hadn’t left the porch light on, so it was too dark to see them, but they were there. I could feel them, cold and consuming, waiting for me. Knowing they couldn’t hurt me as long as I was alive should have made a difference, but it didn’t. Instead, it left me wondering—if they wanted me dead so badly, how long would it take before they took some kind of action that gave them what they wanted?

I exhaled and squeezed the steering wheel, wishing I hadn’t touched her. That was such a stupid thing to do. But it had been the first time in weeks I’d actually wanted to touch a girl, and I never went that long without touching a girl, let alone wanting to. I told myself it was just curiosity. A sick fascination. But even I knew I was lying to myself. I hadn’t been able to stop myself. Even now, I wanted to do it again. She’d felt warm and deceptively real, her skin so unbelievably right under mine compared to the cheap, empty feeling that went hand in hand with my usual hookups. I’d felt so completely connected to her. Like we’d been there before. It had been enough to put me completely off-balance.

For a moment, I’d let myself forget what she was. I couldn’t let that happen again. She wasn’t some girl who was going to end up in the back of my Bronco or my heart. She wasn’t even a girl as far as I was concerned. She was the reason I was here, living in the ninth circle of Hell on Earth. Right? I shook my head trying to sort out the emotions running through me. Shadows dripped down the windshield, changing shape as they pooled along the wiper blades. A reaper would have come in handy right about now.

Screw it. I had to get in this house. I couldn’t sleep in my truck all night. I flipped on the headlights just to make sure my path from the driveway to the front door was clear, and stopped cold. Two beams of light spilled across the concrete drive and landed on…a guy. He stood, arms folded across his chest, caught between the two beams of light. He wore a gray wool coat with the collar turned up and had ash-blond hair that brushed the space just below his eyebrows. His eyes were gray, a shade lighter than his coat, and what looked like a spiderweb of black tattooed lines crept up his neck. Shadows curled around his ankles, giving him the illusion of floating on smoke.

It was him. The guy from school and the library. I pushed open the door to my Bronco and hopped out onto the driveway, heart racing.

His gaze shifted from me to a car rolling past the driveway, the neighbors’ noses all but pressed up against the glass. He frowned, watching them until they were over the hill, and muttered, “God, I hate small towns.”

“You,” I said, approaching him cautiously. “I saw you at the school.”

The guy looked me up and down with cold, calculating eyes and nodded. “I’m Noah.”

Thrown by his introduction, I tried to get my bearings. I don’t know what I expected from him, but it sure as hell wasn’t his name. “And I’m Cash, but something tells me you knew that.”

Noah chuckled and flicked his fingers, shooing the shadows away. To my amazement, they obeyed, scattering to the edges of the driveway, creating a tight circle of darkness around us. “Well, now that the introductions are out of the way, I believe you wanted to talk.”

“Are you a reaper, too?”

“No.” A grin curled Noah’s lips. “I’m better. They get an afterlife of slavery with no reward. Do you want to know what I get, Cash?”

I took a step closer, knowing I shouldn’t, watching Noah pull an apple out of his pocket. He took a bite and tossed it into the yard as he swallowed. He swiped the back of his wrist across his mouth and smiled. “I get to live.”

“Slavery?” I asked. “Who are they slaves to? Balthazar?”

Noah sneered the second the name passed through my lips. “Yeah. That’s him. He’s got them all on strings. Like freaking puppets.”

“And what about you?” I shoved my hands in my pockets, trying to snuff out the sparks going off beneath my skin, setting my veins on fire. “What are you?”

Noah walked a slow circle around me and the shadows mimicked his movement, creating what looked like a cyclone of black oil around us. They slipped through and over each other so quickly, they started to look like a single slithering entity instead of a horde.

“I’m like you,” he said, effectively stopping my train of thought. “We’re two of a kind, Cash. And believe me when I say we’re a rare kind. You, my friend, are in high demand.”

I swallowed, watching a shadow slip away from the circling mass and mold itself around one of my boots. Noah’s eyes narrowed into slits and he knelt down in front of me, eyeing the demon. He wrapped his fingers around the shadow’s neck, watching it writhe and hiss under his grip, then tossed it back into the group, where it faded into blackness.

My breathing calmed as I counted backward from ten under my breath. Anaya said to keep my emotions under control, but that was easier said than done. Noah stood up and looked me over.

“How…how did you do that?” I asked, feeling something like adrenaline surge through my insides.

I flexed my fingers, the skin around them feeling tight and electric. “Why do they listen to you?”

“You feel it, don’t you?” Excitement lit up his dim features. The black lines stretching up his neck like burned branches pulsed with something dark. “The power. It’s dying to get free from that shell you keep it in.”

I went stone-still as Noah approached me and turned my hand over. We both stared down at my wrist where the veins had darkened to a deep purple, throbbing as if the liquid inside wanted to burst through the skin. The shadows around us went into a frenzy, hissing, closing the space between us an inch at a time.

“You’re closer than I thought,” he said. “I would have come sooner, but your reaper girlfriend is always around.”

I would have corrected him about her being my girlfriend, but it felt ridiculous to clarify it. She was dead, for Christ’s sake. Which left me wondering…

“You said you’re like me.” I crossed my arms over my chest and Noah’s gaze flicked down to the paint splattered across my arms. “What did you mean by that? Are you dead?”

Noah groaned and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Labels are only going to confuse you right now.

Dead. Alive. None of it applies to you and me. What I can tell you is, there is no one out there that’s going to understand what you’re going through like I do.”

“Oh yeah?” I said, hearing how skeptical I sounded. “How’s that?”

“Because I’ve gone through it, too,” he said. “I’ve stood where you’re standing. I’ve been hunted, coerced, manipulated, and now I’m on the other side.” He took a deep breath and raked his fingers through his hair, laughing. “I have to say, they’ve really upped their game, bringing in that hot piece of reaper ass to win you over. They never tried that tactic on me.” He flashed me a knowing grin. “But

I guess we all have our weaknesses, don’t we?”

Distracted, Noah looked around at the shadows that were close enough to blot out every inch of concrete surrounding us. “I’ve got to go. They’re getting restless.” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed thickly and took a step back, drawing the shadows with him.

“Look.” His eyes darted around the dark yard. “I want to help you. There’s a lot more to say, but you’ve got to promise me something.”

I nodded, thinking I might agree to anything to get more answers. To get a sliver of hope. I didn’t know what to think about Noah, but one thing was clear to me. He was offering me some kind of lifeline. Maybe it wasn’t the kind I should be grabbing for, but when it was the only kind being offered, I didn’t want to let it go.

“You can’t tell anyone about me,” he said. “I mean it, Cash. I know that reaper girl might be pretty.

She might be sweet. But there is a side you’re not seeing. If they ever got their hands on me…” His gray eyes darkened and his entire body tensed. “They would destroy me. And don’t think for a minute that they won’t do the same to you. Trust Balthazar and his minions and you’re as good as dust. Vapor.

Do you understand what I’m telling you?”

“Yeah.” I nodded again and shoved my hands in my pockets to warm them. “Okay. I won’t say anything.”

“Good.” Noah smiled. “I’ll see you soon, then.” He gave me a two-finger salute, then disappeared into thin air.

I stopped cold and spun in a circle. He was…gone. In the sudden absence of him, the shadows slipped and slithered across the ground around me, staining the white concrete black. I swallowed, tripping over my feet as I backed up. I stumbled up onto the porch, knocking a potted plant over, and pushed through the front door. When I got inside, the house was sleepy and dark. Dad’s car was gone.

At least I wouldn’t have to hear it from him. After him catching me ditch class today, I’d kind of expected him to come home just to torture me. But that was something a good parent would have done. I grabbed the yellow note off the fridge and read Dad’s chicken scratch.

Pulling an all-nighter tonight. Big case next week. You have an appointment with Dr. Farber at

9:00 a.m. Be home in the morning to pick you up. Don’t even think about skipping out.

Dad

I crumbled the paper and tossed it into the trash. He was really doing this. Making me see a shrink.

After what I’d seen tonight, I wondered if maybe that’s exactly what I needed. I felt dizzy from the thoughts racing around my skull like a speedway. What was Noah? Could I trust him? He said I was like him, yet he was obviously scared of Anaya and anyone like her. What did that say about me?

I turned my hand over and touched the veins pulsing under the skin of wrist. There was a better question that I needed answered. What the hell was I? Remembering the darkness that lived under

Noah’s skin, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. My T-shirt was damp with sweat so I tore it off and headed for Dad’s office. It’s where he kept his good bourbon. Dad said it tasted like a little slice of heaven. I thought it tasted like lighter fluid, but hey, at least it made me numb and sleepy. At this moment in my life, that’s all that really mattered. I filled one of Dad’s fancy glass tumblers and downed it all in one drink, then poured another and did the same. My throat burned, but by the time I made it to my bedroom and kicked off my shoes, everything felt warm and tingly. Nice. I left my jeans on and fell back onto my bed, watching the ceiling spin.

I couldn’t sleep. How was I ever supposed to sleep again after all of this? Especially when part of me was terrified that it would be that scary-ass blade of Anaya’s waking me up, or shadow demons waiting to suck the soul out of my eye sockets. I turned over on my side and watched shadows move across the wall. Sometimes, when my brain was fried from paint fumes and booze like this, I couldn’t tell the difference. The easiest thing to do was close my eyes and pretend they weren’t there.

I was inches away from the escape that sleep would provide when something pinged off my window.

I flinched and sat up, rubbing my eyes, wondering if it was Anaya. Hoping it was Anaya and hating myself for it. I wasn’t even sure if I should trust her at this point. Another tap. This time from a set of fingers. I climbed out of bed and pushed open the window. Emma stared back at me, her hair orange from the glow of the security light outside. I sighed and moved out of the way so she could climb in.

“What are you doing here?”

Emma pulled herself through the window and pushed the hair out of her face.

“I need to talk to you.” She clutched a bag to her chest and looked around the room as if she was expecting to see someone there. Then it dawned on me that she was looking for a girl. She had no idea how much things had changed. When she realized we were alone, she pulled out a thermos and a paper bag that smelled like cookies. It would have been a hell of a lot easier to let her go if she’d stop trying to take care of me, reminding me why I loved her so damn much.

I fell back onto the bed and sighed. “About what? I thought we covered everything. You’re dating

Death and I’m being stalked by shadow demons.” I peeked at her under my arm. “Does that cover it?

Oh yeah, and now a reaper for Heaven is babysitting me like there’s a freaking countdown clock to death stamped on my forehead. But hey, at least she’s hot. Could be worse, right?” I carefully made sure to leave Noah out of it. Maybe I didn’t know everything about him, but he was the one offering me actual answers. I wasn’t about to jeopardize that.

“Wait.” Emma’s brows furrowed and she narrowed her blue gaze on me. “A reaper showed herself to you?”

I nodded and she sank down onto the bed beside me, looking so much like the worried little girl who used touch the space between my eyebrows and tell me everything would be okay when I was missing my mom the most.

“Who is she?” she asked. “What does she want with you?”

I pressed my lips together, trying to keep it in. She couldn’t help me. Why did she even want to know? In the end, my need to tell her everything inside me won out. “Her name is Anaya. She’s been following me since the fire. She just showed herself to me today.”

“Anaya?” Emma shook her head, staring down at her lap. “And what does she want? Tell me exactly what she said.”

I probably shouldn’t mention that I’d practically tried to feel the girl up. That I couldn’t get her out of my head. That even now, there was something in my chest aching over the fact that she’d been hurting and she wasn’t here now. God, how far would I have let it go if she hadn’t stopped me from touching her? Yeah, she was hot, and sort of sweet, but she was also dead. Maybe Dad was right.

Maybe I really did need to get my head checked.

I brushed the curtain of blond hair away from Em’s face so I could see the emotions playing there.

“She said she’s waiting for me. That it’s only a matter of time before…”

Her head snapped up and her eyes glossed over with moisture. “Before what?”

“I die.” I combed my fingers through my hair and tugged. “What else would a reaper want with me?”

When I gave in and looked over at her, she was shaking her head, a glossy gaze fixed on her fingers, twisting my bedsheets into knots. “No. No…you’re not. It has to be a mistake. You must have misunderstood her.”

“Em…” I sighed, wishing I had a different answer to give her. One that included me living out a long happy life with her by my side. It made my chest ache to think of how much I was going to miss.

She’d go to college. Go after her dreams and make mistakes. I wanted more with this new Emma who wasn’t scared of the world. I wanted more and I wasn’t going to get it.

“Stop looking at me like that,” she whispered in a broken voice. A tear slipped down her cheek and I reached out to wipe it away.

“Like what?”

“Like you’ve accepted this.”

I ran my tongue ring back and forth against the backs of my teeth and shook my head. “I was supposed to die in that fire. I’m not even supposed to be here now. And she’s not lying. It’s not a mistake. I feel it, Em. I feel it every damn day. I’m dying.”

Emma caught a sob in her throat and slid her hand over mine, lacing our fingers. I let her. It felt too good not to.

“You are not going to die. I won’t let that happen.” She ran the back of her hand over her cheeks to wipe away the wetness.

I sat up and faced her. “Are you God? Yoda? Gandalf the Grey?”

Emma just stared back at me, clearly not amused.

“Then you don’t have any control over this,” I said. “So stop trying to fix it. Stop trying to fix me.”

Emma pressed her lips together, probably holding in an ocean of words she wanted to drown me with. She finally folded her hands in her lap and started messing with my pillowcase. That was one perk of being someone’s sidekick for this many years. She knew when to quit. She knew when to stop pushing.

I studied the outline of her profile in the moonlight and realized I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t stay mad at her. I didn’t want to. “Is Finn waiting for you?”

She shook her head. “No. He had to work late. He got a night job at that auto body shop in town.”

“Where is he staying now?” Please don’t say in your bed. Please, in a world of shittiness, just give me this.

“He got a little garage apartment,” she said. “The guy that owns the body shop is renting it to him until he can afford something better.”

As much as I hated it, I felt a little bad for the guy. It couldn’t be easy being thrown into a life where you had to start over from scratch. No family left alive. No money or friends. I stopped myself there. I wasn’t ready to go there yet. I didn’t want to like him. I scooted to the far edge of the bed and left enough space for Em. We didn’t have to say anything. It was understood. I didn’t want her to go. I couldn’t stand the thought of being alone right then. She kicked off her shoes and lay down beside me, pulling the cover up over us both.

“Do you love him?”

Emma blinked up at the ceiling. “Yes.”

“How much trouble will you be in for staying with me?”

She laughed a little. “My mom’s dating a cop now, remember? They’ll probably send a search party.”

“I meant with your boyfriend.”

“You can’t hate him forever,” she said. “He’s a part of my life now. He’s not going anywhere.”

I sighed. “I know that. But I’m not ready to like him, Em. Don’t ask me to.”

Emma lay silent beside me, her breaths causing her back to press against my side. She finally wiggled like she was uncomfortable and said, “What about me? Are you going to hate me forever?”

“I don’t hate you.” I turned over onto my side and tugged on a piece of her hair that was splayed across my pillow. It looked pale and shiny in the splash of moonlight coming through my window. So different from Anaya’s dark, silky braids. Wait…why was I thinking about Anaya again? I shut my eyes and sighed. “I love you too much to hate you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Enough to show me your boobs?” I grinned into the pillow when she elbowed me in the gut. The bed shook with our laughter. “Come on. Consider it my dying wish.”

“No!” Her smiled dimmed and I knew I’d screwed up by mentioning me dying again. “And you don’t get a dying wish, because I’m not letting you die. I’ll take care of you.”

“You’re always taking care of me,” I said. “Why?”

“Because you’re too stubborn to take care of yourself.” She smiled across the pillow at me and pulled the blanket up around her neck. “Now go to sleep, perv.”

“You going to stay?”

She patted my leg. “I’ll stay till you fall asleep.”

I stared at her fingers on my leg, and questions that had no place in my head bubbled to the surface.

Questions I couldn’t ignore anymore. If I didn’t get them out, I was going to do something really stupid. Like kiss her. Words were going to work much better here.

“Can I ask you something without you getting pissed?” I asked, unable to stop myself from breathing in the scent of her hair all over my pillow. Asking her this could very well screw everything up between us beyond repair, but I had to know. If I didn’t I’d never be able to walk away from her.

From the what might have been s. “Do you think you ever could have loved me if Finn hadn’t come along?”

She broke eye contact with me immediately, running her index finger over the pillow between us. “I already love you.”

I tugged her chin up. “You know what I mean, Em. Did any part of you ever wonder if we might end up together?”

Emma watched me silently for a moment, chewing on her bottom lip before finally saying, “Of course I could have loved you. But I’m with Finn now…I’m always going to be with Finn.”

I gritted my teeth and nodded. I didn’t really know what to say. Mostly because I didn’t know what I really wanted. I was so fucking confused my head hurt. All I knew for certain was that I wanted my best friend back. I didn’t feel like me without her. The other shit was just petty jealousy and noise. I needed to get the hell over it.

“Cash, you’re my best friend,” she pleaded. “Please don’t—”

“I know.” I closed my eyes. “I was just trying to… Never mind. Forget I said anything.”

I exhaled an achy breath, wondering if knowing was going to give me the closure I needed or just screw with my head even further. Instead of dwelling on it, I just said, “Good night, Em.”

I turned my face to the pillow and tensed, trying to ignore the shadow slithering up to perch at the foot of the bed. With Emma here and my eyes shut, things felt halfway normal again. They felt right. I didn’t want it to end.

“What’s wrong?” Emma turned over to look at me, afraid. “Are they here?”

Her arm curled around me protectively, as if she’d actually be able to do something if they decided to make a move. A flurry of darkness swept past the open window. I shut my eyes and grabbed her hand, forgetting about the awkwardness I’d created between us, and pulled her against my chest.

“They’re always here.”