Bound

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

THE following week, after one of the worst days of her career, Amery dragged her ass to a hole-in-the-wall bar that served strong, cheap drinks. It was the type of joint where people went to drown their sorrows alone. No guys trolling for a hookup. No bar floozies scamming on guys to pay their tab. No crazy sports fanatics with the TV cranked to ten thousand decibels. No annoying blowhard carrying on a never-ending cell phone conversation. No perky wait staff in skimpy clothing. Just an old bartender with a limited mixed drink repertoire and plenty of isolated booths and tables for one.

She ordered two gin and tonics at happy hour prices and drained the first one in two gulps. After the booze took the edge off, she leaned her head back and closed her eyes.

In addition to business problems today, her mother had called to nag her about her father’s clergy anniversary party. Being in a lousy mood gave her the balls, guts, whatever to tell her mother that she wouldn’t be attending the party.

Shocking that a minister’s wife knew so much profanity and had no issue using it on her daughter. Pissed off and pushed into a corner, Amery had hung up on her, which carried the unhappy consequence of receiving a phone call from her father. She shouldn’t have answered, but being in a foul mood had allowed her to unload on him and he’d hung up on her too. After that, she’d half expected a stranger to walk in and stage a religious intervention on her parents’ behalf—or possibly they’d just hire an exorcist—because obviously she was possessed by the devil if she dared to speak to her parents in that manner.

She snickered.

No one in the bar looked at her as if she were crazy for laughing alone in a dark booth while knocking back two-for-one mixed drinks.

Maybe she’d had a fight with her parents, and her friends, and she might be cracking the want ads for a new job, but at least she had a decent relationship for once in her life.

Although maybe indecent was a better term for what was going on with Ronin. The man could fuck like a dream. He made her feel like the most beautiful woman on earth every time he touched her. He demanded and yet he gave back. Sexually everything was going great. She trusted him with her body, knowing they could give each other exactly what they needed.

But on a personal level? When she wasn’t basking in the afterglow of astounding sex, or when he wasn’t literally tying her up in knots, and she considered what she knew of him beyond the surface stuff . . . she realized it was only surface stuff.

He focuses on you so completely that he reveals little of himself.

What he’d told her of his life and training wasn’t an intimate peek into him, but information she could’ve found on his Web site. And since the night she’d gone to the club and afterward they’d had that shockingly intimate conversation . . . he hadn’t revealed anything personal about himself. So that, coupled with Deacon’s comments about her being in Sensei’s flavor-of-the-month club, brought her doubts about the seriousness of their relationship to the surface.

Speak of the devil. Her phone dinged with a text message from him.

RB: Where are you?

Drinking. Where are you?

RB: On my way to get you. Tell me where you are.

I’m lousy company. I’ll call you later, k?

RB: Not okay. Where are you?

I don’t need a babysitter. I’m fine.

RB: I won’t baby you at all if you just tell me where you are.

Why?

RB: I want to see for myself that you’re fine.

See? Now, that was boyfriend-ly concern, wasn’t it?

No—he wanted control.

Bullshit. He cared about her.

Didn’t he?

Screw it. Even if he didn’t and this was a fling, she wanted to see him tonight.

She typed I’m at the Rialto Lounge.

RB: On my way, hang tight.

Too late, I’m already loose.

Then she shoved her phone in her purse and bought herself round number three.

So her vision was a tiny bit blurry when he walked toward her, but Amery would recognize that distinctive gait even four sheets to the wind. “Hey, sexy man. Lemme buy you a drink.”

“No, thanks. I’m your DD since it appears you could use one.” Ronin looked around. “Interesting place. Come here often?”

“When I need to.”

“What happened that sent you scurrying into this lounge lizard’s paradise?”

She wasn’t drunk, but she had a buzz, and that conversation would be a buzzkill. “Bad day and no, I don’t want to talk about it.”

Ronin grabbed her chin and peered into her eyes. “Too bad, beautiful. Why are you drinking alone?”

“You’re here now, so technically I’m not drinking alone. Just buy me another drink and quit judging me.”

He headed to the bar and returned with a tall glass.

“What’s this?”

“Coke. I’m not down with your plan to keep drinking until you pass out. I snagged you some pretzels too.”

“Gross. These have been gathering dust for twenty years.” She shoved the bowl aside and eyed the soda.

“Amery.” He plucked up her hand and kissed her fingertips. “Baby, please talk to me about what’s going on with you.”

Instead of immediately relating her job woes, she took the opportunity to address something else that she hadn’t brought up. “It bothered me more than I let on, watching you training with your black belts last week.” When he stayed silent and watchful, she continued. “Everything happened so fast the night we were attacked that I didn’t appreciate the nuances of your martial arts skills. Maybe it makes me naive, but I’ve focused on the graceful way you move, not why you can move with such stealth and precision. So when I witnessed your physical power and understood you are a force beyond anything I’ve ever seen? Seeing that side of you scared me.”

“You know I’d never hurt you.”

“You’re missing the point I’m trying to make. It’s like I was seeing you for the first time. What you do as a martial artist is so much a part of who you are. And since I don’t know that side of your life, you can understand why I’d feel like you’re a stranger sometimes. Why it feels like the only time we’re intimate is when we’re naked. You expect me to tell all and you don’t reciprocate.”

Ronin’s gaze roamed her face. “I’ve shared more with you than anyone.”

“You mean the kinbaku and shibari?”

“Not just that and you damn well know it.”

“That’s the thing, Ronin. I don’t. There’s so much you’re holding back from me. And what’s hidden beneath the surface might be some scary shit.”

“Amery—”

“So I’ll show you how this sharing thing works. Today, one of my biggest clients informed me they’ll be taking their graphic design work in-house rather than outsourcing starting the end of the month. And yes, I understand it’s just business, but it’s killing my business. I’ve lost accounts over the past few months for the same reason. I picked up a couple new projects, but this is my bread-and-butter client. I always worried about having a client like that, because I feared this very thing would happen. Now it has.”

“I’m sorry.” He kissed the back of her hand.

“I could look on the bright side and be glad they aren’t giving me the old heave-ho because the quality of the work has gone downhill or I’m slow in responding to their needs.” She swigged the Coke. “But I can’t think of anything besides that I’ll have to let Molly go.”

“It doesn’t help to conjure up worst-case scenarios.”

“I don’t need to conjure them, Ronin, because they’re already here. This is the reality of the situation. I set out to drown my sorrows so I wouldn’t have to think about it for the rest of the night, and I don’t appreciate you showing up here and forcing me to think about it.”

“Why aren’t your friends here supporting you?”

Amery sighed. “They ditched me to go to their gay bar hangouts.”

“They left you alone after you’d been drinking?” he asked sharply.

“No. I meant I didn’t invite them to my pity party because we had words and we still aren’t speaking. The words I’m waiting to hear from them haven’t made it back to me yet.” She wouldn’t tell Ronin he was the source of discord between them. “But in my defense of drinking alone, I wouldn’t have attempted to walk home alone. I would’ve waited until I sobered up and called a cab.” She poked his chest. “Self-defense rule number one I learned at Black Arts. Avoid dangerous situations. See? I paid attention in class.”

“Do you have plans for the rest of the night?”

“Wallow. Then wallow some more.”

Ronin framed her face in his hands. “Come wallow with me in the pool. Or in the garden. But if you’d rather we can go to your place.”

Amery looked into his eyes, entranced by how they changed color. Right now they were a warm, soft brown and filled with concern. Then she felt guilty for saying she didn’t know him when very few people got to see this caring side of Master Black and he showed it to her—even if only limitedly. “Your place has more toys.” When Ronin raised his eyebrows she amended, “Not what I meant.”

“I’m calling that a Freudian slip anyway.”

“Whatever. No weird sex toys,” she warned.

“I promise only to use the usual sex toys.” He smooched her mouth.

“Meaning ropes?”

“Among other things. Let’s go.”

Amery perked up at seeing Ronin’s motorcycle parked by the curb. “Did you bring me a helmet?”

“Of course.”

It seemed as if Ronin took the long way back to his place, but Amery didn’t mind. There were worse places to be than twined around his strong body.

They held hands during the elevator ride.

Ronin asked, “Are you hungry?”

“No. I’d rather swim.”

“Are you changing in my room?”

“I left my swimsuit in the guest room.”

He kissed her forehead. “I’ll meet you at the pool after I shower.”

She opened the drawer where she’d stashed the two new swimsuits Ronin had bought her. As soon as she ditched her workday clothes, she breathed easier. Which was ironic since she’d never been comfortable in swimwear. Spying Ronin’s white dress shirt on the back of the door, she slipped it on as a cover-up.

The elevator spit her out on the roof and she practically skipped to her favorite chaise on the pool side. With half a buzz relaxing her, she closed her eyes and basked in the sun’s fading rays.

The next time Amery opened her eyes, the sun had dropped in the horizon. She scrambled upright and looked over to see Ronin stretched out beside her. Watching her. “Crap. Did I fall asleep?”

“Only for an hour.”

She ran a hand through her hair. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. You must’ve needed it.”

“So you’ve been up here listening to me snore the whole time?”

“Except for the call I had to take right after I got out of the shower.”

Was this his way of sharing? “What was the call about?”

“Boring business stuff.”

And . . . not so much with the sharing.

But he did reach for her hand. After a bit, Ronin said, “I’ve been thinking.”

“About?”

“Your financial situation.”

Hard not to get her back up. “And?”

“And I came up with a way to help you.”

“Ronin. I already designed a new logo for Black Arts. As a matter of fact, I saw the new patch on your gi top.”

“Looks great, doesn’t it? But you piddling around with graphic stuff for my dojo wasn’t what I had in mind.”

“Then what?”

He stood and moved to sit on the bottom of her chaise. “Please hear me out before you jump in and say no.”

That definitely got her back up. “I’m listening.”

“You’ve got a good thing going with your business. Unique, yet mainstream enough you haven’t locked yourself into a niche market. I suspect given the chance you could spin it into a bigger agency. Not now but a few years down the road. Which is why I want to invest in Hardwick Designs.”

“Invest in?”

“I’d give you a year’s worth of operating capital so you could keep Molly on.”

“Give?” she repeated.

He squeezed her knee. “Loan, if you prefer. You wouldn’t have to start repayments until your company was operating in the black again.”

“What’s the interest rate for this investment?”

“Standard business rate. The whole point of this is to keep your business afloat during these market fluctuations. It’ll level out sooner rather than later. The signs are already there with the unemployment rate dropping, new construction rates slowly climbing again, and the upswing in the stock market.”

Amery stared at him. Since when did Zen Master Black give a damn about the effects of the economy?

Just another sign that you don’t know him beyond sexually.

“I would be a silent investor, so you needn’t worry I’d take over your business. I’m already running the dojo and dealing with other family pressures. I wouldn’t require much for financial reporting besides a basic idea where you are bi-monthly on the profit and loss.”

As much as she wanted to snap, No way in hell am I ever taking a penny from you, and then list the reasons as dispassionately as he had done, she coolly asked, “Are you finished?”

His eyes narrowed. “Don’t you have questions?”

“Just one.” She cocked her head. “Will you take business advice from me?”

“Sure.”

Maybe the buzz of anger gave her the push to address the grumblings she’d heard in his dojo. “Pull out whatever stick you’ve got up your ass about Brazilian jujitsu and consider adding that martial arts discipline to the Black Arts class schedule. You’ve already got self-defense classes, kickboxing classes, you’re training mixed martial artists, and your staff offers personal protection training. I heard Ito talking to Knox about his judo background. He should also be teaching judo classes, which would be another addition to the lineup. Right now you have space to expand into on the third floor and a diversity of classes, including Muay Thai, would increase your income base.”

If she expected a stunned reaction from him that she’d poked her nose into his business, or that her attempt at redirection would actually work, well, she was sorely mistaken. Ronin’s expression didn’t change. He merely said, “So noted. Any questions about the business solution I proposed to address your issue?”

“No, because I already have an answer.”

“Which is?”

“Hell no.” She pushed off the chaise.

“Where are you going?”

“For a swim. Alone.” Amery dove into the deep end and popped up like a cork. The water temperature was perfectly refreshing and cooled off her hot head. She floated in the warm void, eyes closed. Filling her lungs with air to keep herself afloat forced her to focus on her breathing.

But eventually her ears picked up weird sounds underwater, distorting them to the point she couldn’t figure out what they were. She remained perfectly still.

One sound that she didn’t need to decipher: a body diving into the pool. She righted herself after being tossed around by the waves and then Ronin was right there.

Amery backed up.

He followed her.

“What part of ‘I want to swim alone’ is confusing to you?”

“What part of ‘this is my pool’ is confusing to you?” he countered.

“Fine. I’ll get out.”

He blocked her exit. “Can we finish our conversation?”

“We did. Now move.”

“No.” Ronin latched on to her biceps, careful in the way he held her—firmly, but not too closely. “Talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to say.”

“If you’re so pissed off at me about this, why aren’t you lashing out at me?”

“Oh, I’m supposed to be rude after turning down a business proposition from my lover? Sorry, I’m unfamiliar with protocol.”

“Jesus, Amery.”

Her eyes searched his. “You even offering me a loan has changed things between us.”

“Bull.”

“And I’m really sorry I told you about my financial issues, which forced you into a heroic attempt to save my business. So forget I brought it up and we’ll keep this”—she gestured between them—“the way it’s been.”

Ronin moved in close—dangerously close. “And what way has that been?”

“Fun. No pressure to make it into something it’s not.”

“Like what?”

“Permanent.”

“Permanent,” he repeated.

“Yes. If you loaned me money, then we’d be tied together, for at least a year, making it awkward when one of us walks away.”

Evidently that was the wrong thing to say.

Ronin’s mouth crashed down on hers. The kiss was ferocious. Uncompromising. So blistering hot Amery was shocked the water around them wasn’t boiling.

Hard hands on her body, in her hair. She couldn’t catch her breath, his mouth was so demanding.

He ripped his lips free of hers, and his voice reverberated in her ear. “I’ll show you tied together.” Then he sank his teeth into the skin at her throat and pulled her head back. His eyes burned into hers. “I have you where I want you, how I want you, and you’ll be mine until I release you.”

She should’ve protested his tight hold on her or his warning. But she didn’t. She wanted to experience every dirty, bad, harsh thing he wanted to do with her.

“Do you understand?”

Primal lust and the need to . . . master her shone in his eyes.

In that moment she realized he wasn’t talking about binding her with ropes, but with this sexual obsession. He hadn’t disputed her claim that there’d never be permanence between them. Any other time her brain would’ve taken over, dissecting every word. But her brain wasn’t in charge right now; her body was. And it had already readied for him: heart racing, blood pumping, pussy wet, clit swollen, nipples tight. So she gave him the answer they both wanted—even when it frightened her how quick and visceral her response to this man had become.

“Yes, I understand.”

Ronin took her to the ground and fucked her until his knees were raw and her back bore the cement scrape marks of his possession. After he’d turned her mindless, he fucked her again in the swimming pool. No words exchanged. The sounds of heaving breathing, soft grunts and sighs, and splashing water became the only conversation they needed.

There was no tenderness in the aftermath. And for the first time with him, Amery felt ashamed of what they were doing to each other—not sexually, but emotionally.

“Ronin.”

“I know, baby.”

But he didn’t know. And worse, he didn’t ask what she’d meant. He retreated from her again.

They remained like that, side by side on the pool deck, staring up at the sky, not speaking because neither knew what to say.