Box

11

“Can we go now?” she says.

We’re in the car again, but this time I’m holding the keys.

“Look,” I say. “I appreciate the compliment, I really do. And I understand how things happen at warp speed in small towns. But I met you exactly two hours ago. And while this might come as a shock, I’m not ready to let you move in with me.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t even know your middle name.”

“Leigh. Can we go now?”

I shake my head. “That was a figure of speech. What I mean is I don’t know you well enough to take on whatever baggage you might bring.”

“Like what?”

“Your father’s the deputy sheriff. He tried to hang me just now. And your brother sounds scary.”

“All you’ve heard about my brother is his name.”

“The way your father said his name was scary.”

“Where’s your sense of adventure, Gideon?”

“Sorry.”

She sighs heavily. “How long would it take you to know me?”

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t be puttin’ too much time into this relationship if it’s not goin’ anywhere.”

“It’s not so much a time thing.”

“Then what is it?”

“I can’t just take you out of town with me.”

“Why not?”

“I mean, I don’t even know if we’re compatible yet.”

“Our kiss didn’t tell you that?”

“Sex would say it better.”

She frowns. “Are you playin’ me?”

“I’m not sure what that means.”

“What type of girl would I be if I dropped my drawers for the first guy who offered to drive me out of town?”

“Based on what you said, I might be the seventh guy.”

“You’re makin’ way too many assumptions about my last six attempts to escape this shit hole. For your information, I only ran off with one man. The other times were on my own.”

“What happened to him?”

“Who?”

“The guy you ran off with?”

“It didn’t take.”

“Which is my point exactly.”

“Again, you’re makin’ way too many assumptions. The reason it didn’t take is because he died.”

“Excuse me?”

“He had a heart attack.”

“Where?”

“Starbucks.”

“The town?”

“The motel at Starbucks. I don’t like to talk about it.”

“He died during sex?”

“Just before.”

“How old was he?”

“Old.”

“Like what, sixty?”

“Older.”

“Eighty?”

“Let’s talk about somethin’ else, okay? ’Cause you’re really killin’ the mood here.”

I don’t want to talk about something else. I want to ask how long she’d known this octogenarian before he agreed to run off with her. I want to ask if she met him at the restaurant, same as me. I want to know if she made him steal the handcuffs while Scooter was taking a shit. I want to ask if he cuffed her to the fence. I want to know how far he got with her before his heart gave out.

But what I say is, “Tell me where you live, and I’ll take you home.”

“Call my cell phone first.”

“Why?”

“So I’ll have your number.”

She gives me her number and I call her cell phone.

“This is Trudy,” she says. “Who’s this?”

“Funny. Where do you live?”

“I’ll tell you after you check into the Dew Drop Inn.”

“Let me guess. That’s your only hotel?”

“Motel. And yes.”

“Sounds like a dump.”

“A dump would be a step up.”

“That’s probably not going to work out for me.”

“If I come by later, you won’t even notice the room.”

“Are you planning to come by?”

“I’d like to, but I need to think about it.”

“What’s there to think about?”

“You ever go to auctions?”

“Sometimes.”

“Would you spend every nickel you had on a painting that might be a fake?”

“What’s your point?”

“All I’ve got is my body. If I give it to you tonight, I’ll have nothin’ left to bargain with. You already proved you’re the type of man who expects sex before you’ll give me a chance to show what a great girlfriend I can be. I have to decide if you’re also the kind of man who’d walk away after gettin’ what he wants.”

“Nice speech.”

“Thanks. It ought to be. I’ve had a lot of practice givin’ it.”

“You managed to make it seem normal that I should let you move in with me based on a hot meal and a hanging.”

“And a hand job.”

“Excuse me?”

“Unzip your pants.”

“Uh…shouldn’t we call for an ambulance first? For your father?”

She reaches over and starts rubbing me.

“I’ll leave that decision up to you, Doctor.”

I’m still in pain from the crotch-kicking I received a few minutes ago, but then I remember that sometimes rubbing a sore spot can help the pain go away.

“Scooter should be fine for a while,” I say.