California Fire And Life

104

Jack pulls up across the street from a trashed-out bungalow on a cul-de-sac up in Modjeska Canyon. The house was white once; now it's a sort of whitish with brown patches where the paint has worn off.

Place needs a paint job bad, Jack thinks. But he figures it isn't likely to get one, because there's garbage strewn all across the rickety front porch, including four biker types drinking beer with their feet up on the porch railing.

Some freakin' heavy metal noise some assholes might call rock 'n' roll blasts from the stereo inside.

Jack walks up the steps and asks, "Teddy Kuhl here?"

"It's his house," one of the bikers says.

"I know that" Jack says. "What I asked is, Is he here?"

"He's inside."

"Tell him someone wants to see him."

"No."

"How come?"

"He's busy."

This gets a big laugh from the other three.

Jack doesn't mind playing straight man. "Doing what?"

"Fucking."

A group guffaw. Very male bonding.

Jack says, "Tell him to take a break. Tell him someone wants to talk to him."

"Fuck you."

"Yeah, okay. Fuck me."

Jack backs off the porch and walks over to the driveway, where a big black Harley hog is parked. Jack checks back out on the street and counts three other Harleys there. So this one would be Teddy's.

Teddy Cool's Bad Hog.

Jack kicks it over.

Then kicks in the headlight and stomps on the handbrake until it snaps off.

Which raises what might be called a commotion among the boys on the porch. It isn't five seconds before Teddy bursts through the door.

The twelve years haven't been kind to him. His hairline's retreated like a French army, he's got a couple less teeth, and he has a paunch around the middle that's bouncing around as he tries to zip the fly on his jeans and pull his boots on at the same time.

He's getting his left boot on when he hollers, "Who's the crazy motherfucker fucking with my bike?!"

Jack smiles and says, "That would be me."

Teddy grins and announces, "Hey, it's Deputy Dawg!"

" Former Deputy Dawg," Jack says.

"Well, you're in a world of shit, former Deputy Dawg," Teddy says. He gets his boot on, gestures for his boys to stay where they are and saunters down to the driveway. "I owe you, you cocksucking motherfucker."

Jack shakes like a wet dog. "Ooooooh, I'm scared. Can you be the same Teddy Kuhl that rolled over for me once like a little bitch?"

This sets Teddy off.

One of Jack's favorite truisms is that you can always count on stupid to be stupid and this is what he's counting on. Teddy doesn't let him down, either, because the stupid thing Teddy does is he reaches into the back waistband of his jeans for his piece.

While Teddy's left hand is behind his back, Jack comes over the top of it with a looping left hand that smashes down into the side of Teddy's nose. You can hear the cartilage crunch over the blasting music.

So Teddy's hand is swinging the gun up, but he can't see because his eyes are watering as Jack steps to the side and swings Teddy's gun hand up and in so the gun butt smashes into Teddy's nose.

Which lights Teddy up like a pinball machine.

He can't even feel Jack take the gun out of his hand, he's in so much pain, but he does feel it when Jack brings the butt down on his nose and the bone breaks in two places.

So Teddy's on his knees in the driveway, and his home-boys start down to help him but stop cold when Jack points the pistol at them and says, "Yes?"

They all like Teddy okay, but not enough to take a bullet for him, and this crazy motherfucker is just crazy enough to shoot them all. So, like, Teddy's on his own.

And not doing very well at it, because there's blood all over the driveway, and a couple of teeth, and a whole lot more blood and snot coming out of Teddy's nose.

You can always count on stupid, Jack thinks, because nobody but a truly dumb moke like Teddy gets that close to someone he's intending to shoot. You're going to shoot a guy, you shoot him from out of reach. That's the whole point of having a gun in the first place. But oh well…

He drags Teddy along the driveway, kicking him in the ribs as they go, punctuating each kick with, "Let me give you some life advice, Teddy. You do not" – kick – "try to hurt" – kick – "people " – kick – "that I love" – kick. "Do" – kick – "you" – kick – "get" – kick – "that?" – kick.

He drags Teddy until he has. his head just inside the garage. Then he reaches up and punches the door button and the door comes down on Teddy's neck so Jack is pretty much just talking to Teddy's head.

Which is having some difficulty getting air.

Jack's thinking that the last time he lit up Teddy Kuhl he regretted it for twelve years.

Oh well, Jack thinks, this'll give me something to regret for the next twelve.