California Fire And Life

13

The crazy bastard puts them into a burning building.

Jack loves it.

Fire school – outrageous, man.

The little Irish dude walks them out onto this big concrete square where there's this two-story concrete building that looks like an air control tower designed by some sort of Soviet architectural committee. Thing's got doors and windows and fire escapes all over it and there's firemen standing around looking at the students like they are meat.

Firemen have these little smirks on their faces, like good morning, welcome to our world. Welcome to your hosing.

Firemen standing in front of a stack of oxygen masks.

Which makes the students a little, you know, apprehensive, then one of the older firemen comes up and starts giving them a briefing about how to put on the masks and how to use them.

Five minutes later Jack is standing in a crowded mass of his fellow students on the second floor of the concrete building, and it's hot and sweaty and then it's pitch black because the door slams. Some of the boys start scrambling to put their masks on, but a voice comes over the PA screaming, Not yet!!!!

There's something we want you to experience first, gentlemen.

Suffocation.

More properly, asphyxiation.

First thing Jack feels is like this intense heat, then the room starts filling with smoke. Jack's like, This is wild, and wild it is because what you got here is a bunch of men crowded into a dark locked room, part of which is on fire.

Jack gets the game.

The game is, you put your mask on before the order comes, you are out of there – out of the building, out of the school – so Jack squats down as close as he can manage to the floor, where there's still some air. But it's only a minute or so before his eyes start burning and tearing, and then he starts choking and gagging, and everyone is choking and gagging, and Jack feels this moment of absolute primal terror – which is like panic, man. He feels it and appreciates it – this is what they want me to feel, this is the moment they want me to confront. Want me to give in, freak out, lose it.

Which is what a couple of guys do – they're history, they're past tense – but Jack is like, Fuck that. Jack's been held under by a wave more than once in his young life. He's already experienced not breathing, so he's like, Bring it, dudes.

I will fucking die in here before I reach for the mask.

But is nevertheless very pleased to hear Fuller scream, Put your masks on, you silly bastards, except it's no gimme putt in the dark, with your elbows banging against other elbows, and you can't see a damn thing, and your brain is telling your hands to like Hurry the fuck up and your fingers are telling your brain Fuck you and then you get the mask on and it's like Aaaaaahhhhh.

A completely new appreciation for oxygen.

Then the door comes open and a big beautiful rectangle of light penetrates this contrived little mock hell and some guys are standing and some are keeled over and Jack sees this one guy crouched on the floor. In bad shape, man – dude is still fiddling with his mask. Dude is going to be out in a second, so Jack pushes his down to the guy and holds the mask to the guy's face and gets him strapped in and then Fuller's voice comes across the PA screeching, Get out of there, you total idiots!

Jack rips his mask off long enough to yell, "Guys! Be cool!"

The guy nearest the door stands at the side and plays traffic cop, pushing guys through one at a time. Jack's boy is in bad shape, though, can't straighten up, so Jack gets a shoulder under his arm and lifts. Waits his turn by the door and carries the guy out onto the fire escape.

Which is on fire, of course.

Just fucking outrageous, Jack thinks as he looks up and sees that the roof of the tower is a mass of flames, and the railing of the fire escape is a line of flame, and flames are bursting out the windows they have to get past.

Jack spots Fuller and the head fireman watching them from a nearby tower, so he sets his boy down and gives him a little shove down the stairs, which is too crowded for the guy to fall anyway, and even if he does, it's better for him to be seen taking a header than getting carried out of there.

Just to make things more fun, the firemen are spraying them with a hose, so by the time Jack makes it down the stairs he's half-choked, semiblinded, singed, bruised, and soaked.

The whole class is sprawled out on the concrete, not caring that they're lying in puddles, just happy to be breathing and not on fire when Fuller comes over and looks down at them.

Fuller lights himself another cig, has himself a long smirk and asks, "Any questions?"

Jack raises his hand.

"Mr. Wade?"

"Yeah," Jack says. "Can I go again?"

Fire school.

What a ride.

Better than Knott's Berry Farm.