Clipped Wings

15

HAYDEN

The drive back to the city was slow, thanks to morning traffic. After a long shower, I polished off half the contents of my fridge, then headed over to Inked Armor. Two clients were scheduled back-to-back in the early afternoon, but they were both small pieces. There would be plenty of time to pick Tenley up before my evening sessions. Lisa arrived while I was blocking off time on the schedule.

“You’re here early.” She gave me the once-over. “Did things go okay with Tenley?”

“Uh, yeah, it went all right.” I continued to check out my lineup of clients, unsure how to broach the subject. When I closed the book, Lisa was still hovering near me. “What’s up?” I asked, suddenly nervous.

“All you can say is ‘all right’? What happened last night?”

“She let me in. We talked and stuff.” I pulled my first client’s folder from the filing cabinet, avoiding eye contact.

“Would you like to elaborate?”

“I fixed things,” I lied.

That was questionable, at best. Those scars on her back were a huge problem. Not because they made me want her any less but because physical damage wasn’t always in direct correlation with the emotional kind. Tenley was far more fragile than I ever could have guessed. If I’d known, I wouldn’t have let things go as far as they did, because in being with her I’d made her even more vulnerable. It was too late to take it back, and I wasn’t sure how to handle it.

None of what happened last night fit into my usual postorgasm routine. Nothing about Tenley did, and that gave me more cause to worry. I still wanted to put the tattoo on her, but my reasons had changed. I wanted it to help her heal from whatever happened. I was looking forward to that time with her, and not because she was hot and I wanted to get into her pants again. Which I still did. But more than that, I wanted to know her, and maybe she would want to know me.

I needed to talk to Lisa about it, but I didn’t want to hear that I shouldn’t have taken the loophole.

“Why don’t I believe you?”

“Because you’re a naturally suspicious person and you always expect the worst from me.” I played the hurt angle and hoped it would be enough to make her back down.

“That’s not true.”

“Oh, no? The other week at the bar you thought I pulled a Chris.”

“You disappeared without telling anyone where you were going.”

“See? I’m right. When was the last time I did something like that?”

Her nose crinkled as she tried to recall my last foray into the world of nightclub hookups. “I’m sorry,” she said when she realized it had been a damn long time.

“Whatever. It’s fine.” I went back to looking over my first client’s design, the eventual conversation derailed until I found the right way to tell her. I felt moderately bad over her guilt, but it was self-preservation. Chris showed up a few minutes later and, like Lisa, asked about Tenley. I gave him the same vague response before I got busy setting up my station.

I had the unsettling sensation of being watched and looked up to find Chris staring at me. “What?”

“You’re whistling,” he said, forehead creased.

“So?”

“Did you get laid?”

“What? Why would you ask me that?” It came out defensive.

“It’s what you do, man—you whistle when you get action. And you’re way too chipper . . .” He trailed off, looking like he was about to have a brain aneurysm from thinking so hard. “Did you fuck Tenley?”

I was across the room and in his face before I considered the ramifications of my reaction. I seized him by the shirt and lifted him out of his chair. Chris outweighed me by at least thirty pounds. “I didn’t fuck her.”

“Hayden!” Lisa raced over and forced her way between us. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Hayden fucked Tenley,” Chris repeated, like Lisa hadn’t heard him the first time he’d yelled it across the studio.

“Say it one more time and I’m going to break your face.”

Chris pointed an accusatory finger at me. “You broke the rule!”

I smacked his hand away, anger flaring.

“Touch me again and I’ll put you in the ground,” Chris growled.

“You want some? Let’s go.” I tried to get around Lisa, but she wasn’t having it.

“In the back,” Lisa ordered. When I took a step toward Chris, she shoved against my chest. “Now.”

“Better do what she says.” Chris shooed me away.

“Shut it, Chris.” Lisa pushed me in the direction of the office.

I was in for one hell of a tear down. I shouldn’t have gotten in Chris’s face, but he outted me before I was ready and now I had to deal with Lisa’s wrath. I’d wanted to tell her on my own terms and find a way to spin it to avoid her anger.

She ushered me into the office and shut the door. “You’re a jerk for making me feel bad. I knew something was going on the second I saw you this morning.”

“I wasn’t ready to talk about it.”

“Well I hope you’re ready now. What were you thinking?”

“That it would feel good, and I was right,” I said too quietly for her to hear.

“What was that?” She crossed the room to sit on the edge of her desk.

“I was going to tell you.”

“Oh? When? Before or after you started on her tattoo?”

“Before, probably. At least I fixed things with Tenley.”

“By having sex with her?”

“That happened after.” I paced around the office, my anxiety spiking.

“I’m not seeing how that fixes anything. I thought you were going to talk to her.”

“I did. I said what you told me to. Well, not exactly,” I amended, “but I told her about the rule.”

“And then you went ahead and broke it? She’s your client. You’re going to put a huge tattoo on her that will take months to complete,” Lisa said, her annoyance shifting to concern.

I rifled through the unopened mail, arranging the envelopes by size to keep from looking directly at her. “I haven’t started it yet, so she’s not technically my client.”

“Really?” She used the opportunity to barricade me behind the desk so I couldn’t get away. “Because if memory serves me correctly, you put a cupcake tattoo on her a few days ago, which makes her your client.”

“I don’t get what the big deal is.” That was untrue. The issue was pretty damn straightforward. “Tenley found a loophole.”

“A loophole?”

“Yeah. It wasn’t even my idea. I was checking her new ink, and she asked for clarification on the rule. So I explained it again. Tenley pointed out that I hadn’t started the official tattoo, because the little cupcake doesn’t count for shit. She had on these kitty . . . I just couldn’t . . .” I scrubbed my face with my palm, knowing the more excuses I spewed, the deeper my hole got. I met Lisa’s disapproving glare with an imploring one of my own. “She said it was okay to want someone, and I want her. And not just for sex because that’s not what it’s about with Tenley, but I wanted that, too, and so did she, so I stayed the night and we had sex again—”

“You stayed at Tenley’s?” Lisa asked, her surprise genuine.

“Uh-huh. And I was all set for Round Three this morning, but she had a meeting with her advisor and almost ended up being late, so I drove her to school instead.” My chest felt tight, so I rubbed it.

“I don’t even know what to do with that information. Three times? Is she okay?”

“It was only twice, and why wouldn’t she be okay?”

“Hayden, remember who put that piercing in your special place?” She pointed at herself.

Like I could forget that experience.

“I’m far too well aware of what kind of damage you could do with that thing,” she added.

“I’m not that big.” It should have been weird to talk about, but it wasn’t. Probably since she’d stuck a needle through my junk.

She gave me a patronizing look. “Yes. You are. And I don’t get the impression Tenley’s the kind of girl who has a plethora of experience in that area.”

I frowned at the implication. “I was careful with her.” In hindsight, she’d mentioned I was a lot to handle. Maybe I hadn’t been careful enough. I dropped into the chair and waited for Lisa to lose it on me. She didn’t. She either felt sorry for me or thought I was the stupidest person alive, or maybe a bit of both.

“It’s not like any of it matters now anyway. I told her we can’t have sex again until the back piece is finished, so there really isn’t a problem.”

“You told her what?”

When I said it aloud, it didn’t sound quite as logical as it did when I heard it in my head. “I told her—”

She put a hand up to stop me. “Oh, I heard you. I can’t believe you’re serious.”

“Why wouldn’t I be serious?”

She shook her head and took a deep breath. “Look at the rule you’ve created. Remember why you created it in the first place and tell me if you think it still applies where Tenley is concerned.”

“This isn’t anything like the situation with Sienna,” I snapped, irked by the reminder. If Chris hadn’t started fucking Sienna when I’d taken a pause, the damn rule wouldn’t even exist.

“No, it’s not, thank God. This is about more than that, and you know it. You’re going to be spending a lot of time with Tenley alone in the near future, and she’ll be partially unclothed.”

“I’m aware.”

“And she’s going to be vulnerable.”

“I won’t take advantage of her.”

“I’m not saying you would. But come on, Hayden, you know as well as I do how heightened emotions can be after a session. The process is intimate, even more so when you’re into the person you’re inking.”

“So?” I rubbed at my lip, which was tender from Tenley nipping at it last night.

“Would you be able to deny her when she’s emotionally fragile?”

I didn’t want to admit she already was. The postcoital buzz had worn off, replaced by a nagging worry. Lisa had a valid point, and I hadn’t even told her about the scars or Tenley’s near breakdown over her advisor. Spending hours with her alone in a private room, putting art on her skin, would be consuming. I would want to take care of her in whatever capacity she needed me, well beyond what would fall within the boundaries of what was professional. Keeping the two sides of our relationship separate would be difficult at best.

“I don’t want anyone else to put that design on her.”

“I’m not saying anyone else should.” Lisa sat on the armrest, looking at me with a practiced patience I didn’t have or understand. Despite all the stupid things I did, Lisa always forgave me. “You’re missing the point. Everything doesn’t have to be black-and-white, Hayden.”

I didn’t work well in shades. I wanted to be able to go back to last night and do things over so I didn’t have to contend with this shit. “Being with her takes away that empty feeling, you know?”

“I get that, Hayden, but you can’t go back to the way things were before you had sex with Tenley. You need to be careful with her. She’s broken.”

“Worse than me?”

“I don’t know. Maybe? That tattoo she wants is so dark.” She settled a hand on my shoulder.

“She has a lot of scars.” I touched the bleeding heart on my forearm. It covered the claw marks Mischief left behind the night my parents died.

“Physical or emotional?” Lisa asked. She was always so perceptive.

“Physical. There are some on her back; they’re pretty bad.” I knew all about scars. They served as a visual reminder of physical pain, but like tattoos, scars could also hold a whole world of emotional strife.

“How did she get them?”

“I don’t know.” I didn’t want whatever happened to her to be too big for me to handle. “Maybe I can fix her. Jamie fixed you, right? So maybe I can do that for Tenley.”

Lisa’s smile was sad. “It’s not that simple, Hayden. We’re not machines. We don’t have replacement parts. I love Jamie, he’s my world and he always will be, but he didn’t fix me. He gave me a reason to fix myself.”

“Do you think I’m too broken to be fixed?” The question evoked more fear than I wanted to admit.

“No. I don’t think you’re too broken.”

She put her arm around me and rested her cheek on top of my head. I wanted to hate how close I felt to her. I couldn’t. She was one of the few people who got me. “What about Tenley?” I asked.

“I don’t know, Hayden, only time will tell, I guess.”

“I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

“I know. Maybe now you don’t have to be.”

Chris didn’t talk to me for the rest of the morning. Not that I expected anything different, considering the tension between us lately. I was sure he thought I’d betrayed him in some way by breaking the rule, even if the situations were vastly different. I would have felt bad if I wasn’t so preoccupied with Tenley. It might have been easier if sex with her was about getting off and nothing else. But it wasn’t.

At three thirty I finished with my client. I checked my phone, but Tenley hadn’t called. When I’d tried to reach her earlier to see how things were going, I’d gotten her voice mail. I hadn’t bothered with a message.

I arrived at Northwestern shortly before four and parked in a lot as close to her building as I could get, which turned out to be pretty damn far away. The curious glances as I crossed campus suggested tattoos and piercings were a rarity at top-ranked colleges.

The sociology building, a massive renovated house, wasn’t difficult to find. It reminded me in some ways of a much larger version of the home I grew up in. I opened the door and stepped into the foyer. To the right was a library of sorts, to the left was a lounge reminiscent of the type found in a movie, with stiff-looking douches sitting in high-back, leather chairs. The conversations closest to me lulled when I walked into the room, though the only ink showing was on my forearms. The majority of the gawkers went back to their discussions without a second glance.

A girl in a too-short skirt and lipstick the color of blood sashayed over. “You look lost.”

“I’m meeting someone.” I gave her a polite smile and scanned the room for Tenley.

An arched doorway separated the lounge from a large, open space beyond. There were several tables spaced at even intervals, all with groups of people seated around them, books and papers strewn all over the place. It was a nightmare of clutter.

“You’d make an interesting research project,” she said, her fingers trailing over my exposed ink.

I looked down at her hand. Her nails were painted silver, with tiny diamonds glued to the tips. They looked like bedazzled talons.

“Oh? How’s that?”

“Your tattoos, and all those piercings . . .” She reached up, like she was going to touch my face.

I stepped away, recognizing her inability to read social cues. Just because I was different didn’t mean I wanted some painted-up stranger putting her hands on me. I spotted Tenley and her group. Her hair gave her away. She’d taken it down, and it hung in a curtain over the back of the chair.

“I’ve found who I’m looking for.” I walked away from the attention seeker and headed for Tenley.

Four people sat at the round table with Tenley, their focus on her. It wasn’t a surprise to discover every other person in her group was male. For some women beautiful and intelligent was viewed as a threat, at least from what I observed. Social ostracism was often a result of such petty jealousy.

I held in a snort as I got closer. The guys, most dressed in a variety of polo shirts and khakis, could have been part of a GAP advertisement. They seemed harmless, except for one; he looked familiar, but I couldn’t place him. I came up behind Tenley and dropped a kiss on the side of her neck.

She startled, and her face went a telling shade of red after my lips made contact. “Hayden!” Her head turned in my direction. I didn’t move away, my mouth inches from hers. I waited to see what she would do. Her teeth pressed into her bottom lip as her eyes met mine, the sexual tension between us alive and well. “I thought I was supposed to call,” she said in a sultry whisper.

“Sorry.” I wasn’t. “I’m a little early. I tried to reach you before I left, but you must have been busy.” I gestured to her group.

All four of them looked from Tenley, to me, and back again. I almost expected a sign to drop from the ceiling that read DISAPPOINTED.

She lowered her eyes and rooted around in her bag, checking for her phone. My number came up as a missed call. “Sorry. We were just wrapping up.”

I could sense her nervousness. She’d had plenty of time to replay last night’s events in her head, and I hoped she didn’t regret them. That would throw a real wrench into my plans.

“Do you want me to wait for you outside?”

“What? Oh, no. You don’t need to do that. Guys, this is my . . . um . . . friend, Hayden.” I wasn’t too excited about the whole friend business introduction. “Hayden, this is Brad, Patrick, Eugene, and Ian.”

I pulled up a chair beside Tenley and dropped into it with a smile plastered on my face. It wasn’t even close to friendly, because they all seemed to like that Tenley had called me her friend when clearly I was more than that. I slipped my hand under her hair and rested my arm on the back of her chair. I was rewarded with four sets of eyes drilling holes into my head.

“Do you work at Elbo?” I asked the overly-gelled blond guy. I thought he might be Ian, but I didn’t particularly care about his name. If I was right, I would put bets on him being the one who lived close enough to Tenley to drive her home. I had no desire to allow him the opportunity to be alone with her in an enclosed space for an extended period of time, thank you very much.

Recognition finally set in. He smacked the table, several pieces of paper fluttering to the floor. “I knew I’d seen you somewhere before. You’re a hard guy to miss.”

“Yeah. I don’t exactly blend in.”

One of the other guys coughed and his friends shifted in their seats, focused intently on the open textbooks before them. Tenley broke the awkward silence by getting back down to business. She was sexy, but even more so when she was assertive. I understood why those guys wanted to work with her; not only was she gorgeous, she was intelligent and efficient while still coming across as sweet. When they finished I helped Tenley pack up her things.

“How was the meeting with your advisor?” I asked when we were alone.

“It was fine. Better than last week.”

“So he wasn’t a douche this time?” I asked, hoping to find out once and for all if her advisor was male or female.

“I still have work to do, but he gave me lots of feedback.”

She evaded one question but at least I had confirmation, although not the kind I wanted. Next time I dropped her off at school I would check this guy out. She was too sketchy about offering up information for me to be comfortable.

“When’s your next meeting?” I asked.

“In two weeks. Do you mind if we make a stop before we head back?”

“Whatever you want, kitten.” We reached my car and I unlocked the doors, opening hers to help her in. I couldn’t tell if the change of topic was inadvertent or purposeful. I left it alone, intent on staying away from unpleasant discussions for now. I’d already filled my quota this morning with Lisa.

“Where to?” I asked after I took my place behind the wheel.

Tenley directed me to a line of shops west of campus. I parked on the street, and we went into a little café similar to the one adjoining Serendipity. She grabbed my arm, bouncing excitedly as she pulled me over to a clear glass case. It was full of cupcakes. Not just chocolate and vanilla cupcakes, either, but every kind imaginable. There were regular-sized cupcakes and bite-sized ones. Some were white with white icing, chocolate with white, white with chocolate, chocolate with chocolate. Others had mango or strawberry icing, some were topped with shredded coconut, and my personal favorite, the ones with Oreo cookies sticking out of them. It was cupcake heaven.

“Pick whatever you want, it’s my treat,” she said, her smile genuine.

I wanted to usher every person out of the store. Then I wanted to rid Tenley of her clothes so I could eat the small ones off her body in a trail down to the sweet spot between her thighs. Maybe Lisa had a point about things not always being black-and-white.

I couldn’t decide, so Tenley bought two of each variety and a separate box filled with mini cupcakes. She also ordered coffees and sandwiches, which I had no intention of eating. The cupcakes were more than sufficient.

On the way back to Chicago, Tenley fed me the bite-sized cakes. When she got icing on her finger, she held it up to my mouth so I could suck it off. When I took a break from eating cupcakes, Tenley picked at one. I spent the rest of the drive dividing my attention between the road and watching Tenley lick the icing off. It was sickeningly hot and hinted at what she might look like giving me a blow job. Which I shouldn’t have been thinking about but couldn’t stop once the image was in my head. My lust for cupcakes had been taken to a whole new level.

I cleared my throat. “What are you doing later tonight?”

She looked at me as her tongue swirled around the top of the cake, removing another thin layer of icing. She stopped torturing me long enough to answer. “Working on my group project, I guess.” Tenley daintily licked icing off her fingers.

“I thought maybe we could hang out or something after I get off work.”

“I was under the impression what happened last night shouldn’t happen again.”

“Technically it shouldn’t once we start the tattoo,” I said. The more I went over my talk with Lisa, the more I questioned the validity of my previous veto last night, or rather this morning. I pulled into the underground parking garage and slid into my spot.

“I’m confused. Has the rule changed again?” There she went, looking all shy and unsuspecting.

“Should it?”

“You tell me, Hayden.”

“Just so you know, ‘hanging out’ isn’t a euphemism.”

“Right. Thanks for clearing that up.” Her face turned a bright shade of pink.

I found it ironic that she could taunt me one minute but become so easily embarrassed by a simple statement of fact. “Does this mean you want to get me naked again?” I asked.

“Do you even need to ask?”

“I’m just trying to figure out what you want, Tenley.”

When she didn’t answer right away, I unbuckled my seat belt and turned to face her. She pressed her back against the door, seeking space, holding the mostly eaten box of cupcakes in her lap like it gave her some kind of protection. I would gladly sacrifice what remained in the box if it meant I could put my hands—or my mouth—on her again.

“I want whatever you want,” she whispered.

“I want you to stop being so evasive and answer the question.”

“Yes.”

“Yes what?” I pried the box from her hands and moved it to the backseat.

“Yes, I think you should change the rule again.” Her smile told me she thought she’d won.

I shook my head and leaned in closer, crowding her. “You think you’re so clever, don’t you?”

She ran her hands up my arms. “Maybe just a little.”

“So you do want me naked again?”

“Maybe.”

There wasn’t enough room for anything substantial to happen in my car, but I could at least kiss her. Remind her what it would be like later, when we were alone. The second my lips touched hers, I groaned. She tasted like icing. Tenley palmed the back of my neck, pulling me closer.

And then my fucking phone rang.