Drop Dead Healthy

Index

Page numbers in italics refer to illustrations.

Aamodt, Sandra, 331

abdominal aortic aneurysm, 27

abs, six-pack, 10, 84, 216

Ackerman, Diane, 327

Ackerman, Jennifer, 72

acupuncture, 118–21

AJ’s results from, 120–21

doing nothing compared with, 121

energy pathways in, 120, 121

mummified Siberan corpse found with markings of, 119

adrenal gland, 139–64, 140

see also stress

adrenaline, high, noise-related, 55

adult baby food, 127

aerobic (cardio) exercise, 348

brainpower boosted by, 174–75

for eyes, 329

for Finger Fitness, 305–7, 309

in guerrilla exercise, 353–54

longevity linked to, 44–45

schedule for, 33

slow fitness vs., 158–61

aerobic running, 252–53

Aeron chair, butt’s soul mate as, 63

Aesop’s Fables, hare maligned in, 252

age, aging, 343

of brain, 175

hearing loss in, 55

of lungs, 219

old, 44–45, 267

prolonged, futility of pursuing fitness for, 31

skin as broadcaster of, 236

slowed down by volunteering, 179–80

successful, 24–26

age denialism, 125–26

Ahasuerus, King, 199

Ah-Choo! (Ackerman), 72

Airborne, evaporation of faith in, 124

Airlift to America (Shachtman), 179

air pollution, 219–20

air quality, house plants for, 28

air travel:

face mask worn in, 79–80

fastidious germaphobic kid in, 81

magical thinking essential to, 148

alarmist babble, secondhand smoke dismissed as, 184

alcohol:

daily limit of, 14, 89

reviewing benefits of, 14, 89, 91

see also booze; wine

alienation, manual incompetence blamed for, 305

Alison (Julie’s friend), 161–62

Alison (sleep clinic technician), 263

Allen, Woody:

Execusiser of, 67

nature avoided by, 43

almond milk, AJ’s affection for, 271

almond scent, as AJ’s sedative of choice, 299, 347

alpha females, scarcity of, 42

alpha males, in caveman movement, 36–44

Alterna Health scent, 118

“Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” (song), 152–53

Alzheimer’s disease, 15, 175

American Academy of Dermatology, 240

American Cancer Society, 190, 236

American Council on Science and Health (ACSH), 187–88

American Dental Association, 197

American Lung Association, 220

American Nazi Party, how AJ was aided in kicking his mango habit by, 231–32

American Nerd (Nugent), 174

American Society of Colon and Rectal Surgeons, 135

amygdala, cursing as activator of, 125

anesthesia, 115–16

animal products, Marti’s passionate battle against, 93–94

antibacterial soaps, 79, 184, 369

antibiotics, germ resistance to, 79

AntiGravity yoga, 247

antinoise movement, 54–57

achievements of, 56–57

how it fared on the kookiness scale, 56

see also noise

antioxidants, 89

in blueberries, 60, 97

dark chocolate loaded with, 14

overestimation of, 97

unhealthy food in clothing of, 95

anxiety:

mindfulness as bringer of, 27

mutual outsourcing of, 149–50

vs. optimism in health matters, 70–71

in petting Logan the Airedale, 151

when magical thinking can help, 148–50

aphrodisiacs, 105–7

Good & Plenty/cucumber romance spray, 102, 106–7, 109

“natural,” 107–8

scientific skepticism about, 107

apple juice, AJ vs. Julie on where to put it, 170

apples, 17, 135, 356

as “Clark Kent” food, 97

appliance safety, 338

Appy, Meri-K, 337–39

accident-prevention philosophy of, 337

Jacobs apartment scanned by, 337–39

Archer, Krista, 208–10

Areca palm, 2, 28

aromatherapy, 294, 299

arsenic, 273

asthma, 220, 241

athletes, infectious diseases of, 32

athlete’s foot, 32

Atkins diet, 17, 227

Atlantic, 287

attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), 177

Aveeno lotion, 237

Averbukh, Vlad, 37–43

bathroom squatting practiced by, 136

on caveman diet, 40–41

cavewoman dates attempted by, 41

fantasies on how AJ’s new chest would cause regrets in, 83–84

as fundamentalist caveman, 38

ill-advised complaints of, 41–43

raw meat fare of, 38, 228

red hair, beard, and smart car of, 37

unintended insults of, 38–39, 40

Averill, Meredith, 19, 20

Axel, Richard, 298

Aykroyd, Dan, 345

babies, helmets for, 336

Bach, J. S., 77

back, 313–24, 314

lengthening of, 317

back pain, 313–19

exacerbated by bad posture, 315

tips for relief of, 318

bacteria:

bad PR of, 77

cuticles as defense against, 210

nasal filtration of, 216

see also germs

bad for you:

antibacterial soap, 184

Balkanizing life, 64

boxing, 328

brick wall view, 44

carbs, 227–29

car upholstery, 186

cell phones, 7

CFL light bulbs, 185–86

chairs, 63–64, 66

cigarettes, 214–15

cleaning fluids, 184

commercial flowers, 186

deadlines (stressful), 139

distracted eating, 21–22

driving or walking drunk, 341

eating high on the food chain, 190

foods developed in last ten thousand years, 228

germ porn, 76

germ-saturated gyms, 32

glassblowing, 328

hang gliding and skiing, 89

health food fetishism, 87–90

heavy drinking, 14

hypercleanliness, 80–81

lack of focus, 309

large doses, 188

metal fillings, 186

microwaving food in plastic, 190

multitasking, 68

noise, 53–59

not being in the moment, 68

obese or unhappy friends, 161–62

plastic containers failing BPA verse test, 189, 369

plastic toys, 183

processed and starchy carbs, 93

repetitive actions, 170

sex, 101–3

see also sexaphobes

sex without orgasm, 103

shampoo, 183

sitting and staring at screens all day, 63

six-pack abs, 216

sleeping with pets, 152

smoking unfiltered menthols while eating cheese-coated lard and screaming at your spouse, 63

sneakers, 205

snoring, 259–64

some marriages, 46–47

stooping posture, 313–14

sugar or thinking about sugar, 15, 93, 95, 96, 229–30

a too-real worldview, 130

touch screens, 309

turmeric, 7

unbalanced delusional optimism, 130

UV light, 196–97

waving things about, 309

wires, 185

worries and care, 149

writing books, 139

see also good for you

Bad Science (Goldacre), 90, 237

baldness, testosterone blamed for, 284, 287

bananas, 93

Bananas (film), 67

Band-Aid Removal Preference Dilemma, 252–53

Barefoot Run, first annual, 203–8

barefoot running:

Dr. Archer, the foot doctor’s views on, 208–9

passerby remarks on, 207

baseball players, improving eyesight of, 330

baseball watching, blood pressure improved by, 1, 164, 347

basketball teams, above-average students not found on, 175–76

Bassols, Claudia, 285

bathroom:

happy and timely visits to, 131

two years in, 64

see also toilet topics

bathroom safety, 338

bathtubs, slip-resistant decals and grab bars for, 338, 339

beauty treatments, year-long, in Book of Esther, 236

bedroom, chilly temperature urged for, 210

beds:

fatalities occurring while in or near, 335–36

leaving them unmade, 330

bedtime, 265–66

Beilock, Sian, 164

Belkin, Lisa, 341

Bella (worry exchanger), 149–50

Benihana, noisy ambience of, 53–54

beta-carotene supplements, lung cancer increased with, 90

Bible, AJ’s obedience to the arcane rules of, 5–6

biceps curls, phone hookup for, 67

bingeing:

on Chips Ahoy!, 66

nutritional, 59–60

Plato on, 293–94

why exercise can lead to, 32–33

bioflavonoids, 106

bird excrement, price of skin treatment with, 235

birth, biblical injunction on pain in, 116

birthday song, handwashing to, 78

bladder cancer, 16, 89, 275

Blaine, David, 216–17

breath-holding record set by, 216

morning juice recipe of, 216

Blomberg, Les, 365–66

Blood pressure:

effect of a park stroll on, 44

petting dogs and, 150

raised by watching football, lowered by baseball, 1, 164, 347

TSA pat-down possibly beneficial for, 154

blood sugar, 230, 363

Blood-type diet, 13

blueberries, 60

marketing efforts behind obsession with, 97

with savoring meditation, 20–21, 86

worthwhile time spent on, 26

BluePrintCleanse, 268, 269, 271, 272

Blue Zones, The (Buettner), 64, 71

Bodies exhibit, 213–14

body:

asking for a refund on, 116

channels or meridians of, 120

excruciating mindfulness of, 27

incomprehensible betrayal by, 72

losing some marshmallowness of, 181

as 1978 Ford Pinto, 15

seeking signs of progress in, 83–84

some parts left out of project, 346

see also specific body parts

boils, 32

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex (Roach), 103, 104

Bono, F-word demonstrated by, 125

boobs, male, cause of, 183, 283

books, nonelectronic, good news for, 266

booze:

marriage vs., 47

in Vice Diet, 13–16, 330

see also alcohol; drinking; wine

Borgnine, Ernest, secret of longevity as told by, 103–4

Born to Run (McDougall), 47–48, 203, 205

Bose noise-canceling headphones, 52, 57–58, 59, 340, 366

Bottlemania (Royte), 273

bowel cancer, 92

boys, quelling hormonal hyperactivity in, 101–3

brain, 165–71, 166

a bit full of itself, 307

effect of holding hands on, 308

effect of repetition on, 170

emotions entangled with olfactory part of, 298

exercising of, 165–67

fog in, 19

as hand’s handservant, 305

how noise wreaks havoc on, 55

mind-expanding activities for, 168–70

“Miracle-Gro” for, 175

as muscle, 165–67

odor workouts good for, 297

real painkiller and placebo identical to, 122–23

shrinkage of, 3

testing of, 166, 171–73

on two-way street, 329

uploading of, 112

watching sports might be good for, 164

brain cancer, 188–89

brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), 175

Brain Resource Center, 171, 176

Brain Trainer, AJ’s deletion of, 168

brainwaves, 266

learning control of, 176–77

tracking of, 172

Brandt, Allan, 215

Bratman, Steven, 92

all health advice boiled down by, 89

on hazards of orthorexia nervosa, 87–90, 98, 347, 364

Brazil nuts, 89, 106

breakfast, 17

cereals, 96, 363

protein and fats for, 363

breast cancer, 15, 92, 273

HRT and, 284

orgasms helpful in lowering rates of, 104

stress as cause of, 142

breastfeeding, child’s IQ raised by, 300–301

breathing, 215–21

deep, 216–18

nose vs. mouth, 215–16

in sexual activity, 105

stomach-, 217–18

Breus, Michael, 264–65

broccoli, 92, 93

Brock, Pope, 283

Bronzaft, Arline:

classroom noise pollution studied by, 56

on her unpublished novel of murder, sex, and noise, 57, 60

noisy refrigerator of, 55

talking noise with, 54–57

Brownie/Greenie (anole lizard), 152, 189

Brynner, Yul, Jim Fixx in afterlife epiphany featuring, 31

bubonic plague, 152

Buck, Linda, 298

Burney, Fanny, her 1810 mastectomy described by, 115–16

butt:

getting off the, 63–71, 123

proper positioning of, 316

where to put it while sitting, 318

California, health viewpoint of, 7

Calorie Restriction movement (CR), 17–21

savoring meditation in, 20–21

Calorie Restriction Society, 18–21

calories, burning of:

by being cold, 210

Fitbit’s stats on, 108–9

by iced drinks, 276

ideal apartment temperature for, 2

by just standing, 66

by laughing, 144

by missionary-position sex (for men), 105

by running vs. walking errands, 65

by sitting, 66

by us vs. our grandfolks, 64

Campbell, T. Colin, 92

Canadian Family Physician, 104

cancer, 64, 241

likelihood of its showing up, 27

optimism linked weakly to recovery from, 71

positive thinking misapplied in, 141–42

stress believed a cause of, 142

see also specific cancers

cancer prevention, 7

coffee advocated for, 15

exercise as aid to, 32

marriage and, 46

tepid water advised for, 275

candles, hazardous, 338–39

Capgras syndrome, 131

car accidents, 335, 341

sleep-related, 258, 259

carbohydrates, carbs:

dangerous sugar concentrations in, 93

high-glycemic and starchy, 93

see also specific carbohydrates

cardio (aerobic) exercise, see aerobic exercise

cardio fetishism, 307

cardiovascular system:

noise and, 55

teeth and gums linked to, 193–95

carpal tunnel syndrome, 310

carriage return, benefit of, 309

carrots, 90, 361

Carson, Rachel, 188

Casper the Friendly Ghost, 213–14

cat ownership, 151–52, 359–60

cat scratch fever, 152

caveman (Paleo) movement, 36–44

fundamentalist vs. reform people in, 38

meat-heavy diet of, 37, 38, 40–41

squatting advocated by, 136

Caveman Workout, 36–44

idea behind, 36–37

natural running in, 39–40, 42

prowling tiger imitated in, 30, 39–40

sprinting half-naked through the park with, 42

TV coverage of, 38, 40, 41

wisecracks inspired by, 37

cavewomen, paucity of, 41

cayenne peppers, 17, 356

ceilings, noise-reducing, 56

celery and peanut butter, erotic hopes for, 106

cell phones:

deaths of drivers on, 341

Marti’s cautions on brain-frying risks of, 7, 188–89

cells:

life span of, 112

number at work in our bodies, 27

Centers for Disease Control, 27, 77, 152

harrowing list of ways you can die or be injured issued by, 335–36

Central Park:

barefoot running in, 207–8

biking around the Great Lawn of, 277

Caveman Workout meeting in, 36–43

Christo’s Gates in, 69–70

Jacobs boys lost and found in, 332–33

jogging through, and taking cab home, 44, 47

smashing logs in, 248

Strollercise in, 246, 247

as wilderness, 36

cereals, breakfast, 96, 363

cerebral cortex, 167

Cezanne, Paul, optical issues of, 327

chairs:

disease ascribed to overuse of, 64

hand-shaped, 306

see also sitting

chameleons, 152

Chanel, Coco:

as bronzing’s godmother, 239–40

Nazi ties of, 240

Charlatan (Brock), 283

chemicals, spokespeople for, 187

chess, pizza eater’s loss in, 19–20

chest press machines, 35

chewdaism, 24, 84, 355

chewing gum, 198–99

with xylitol, 199

chew-per-mouthful ratio, 50

“Chicken Dance Elmo,” noise reduction of, 57

child abuse, 341

American cheese accused of, 185

children:

as barbells, 354

discussing mortality with, 110–12

parents’ fears vs. true causes of harm to, 341

risks of plasticware for, 369

sunlight vs. artificial light for, 331

tricky combination of slow eating and, 24

see also Jacobs boys

chimpanzees:

flossing by, 41

help from testicles of, 283

China, Finger Fitness understood in, 307

China Study, The (Campbell), 92, 93

Chinese medicine, 121

chocolate:

dark, antioxidant haul in, 14

dark, in superfood salad, 60

natural, 16

in Vice Diet, 13–16, 330

cholera, 91

cholesterol:

coffee as booster of, 15

effect of dog owning on, 151

chopsticks, take-along, 355

Christakis, Nicholas, 162

Christmas, fasting on, 20

Christo, 69–70

chromosomes, protective caps for, 31–32

Cigarette Century, The (Brandt), 215

cigarettes, 214–15

circadian rhythm, disruption of, 7, 350

civilization, toasting the slow death of, 187

Clomid:

how it works in men, 284

reasons for AJ ending use of, 287

side effects of, 284–85

Coan, James, 308

Coca-Cola, 17, 95

cockiness, vision aided by, 329

coffee, in Vice Diet, 13–16

cold remedies, medically mixed view of, 72

colds:

antibiotics best avoided for, 79

cold rejected as cause of, 211

handwashing urged for prevention of, 78

humming also tried for prevention of, 1

why each side of the germs debate doesn’t get any, 78, 80

collagen, 60, 237

colonics, 135

colonoscopies, 135

colorectal cancer, 64, 135

colorectal health, 131–37, 132

Complete Book of Running, The (Fixx), 29

Complete Idiot’s Guide to Triathlon Training, The (Katai and Barr), 277

compression suit, 98–99

concentration:

neurofeedback as aid to, 176–77

noise’s potent effect on, 55

Coney Island eating contests, kale vs. hot dogs in, 60

conservatives, as obsessively clean, 82–83

Cookie Diet, 13

cookware, nonstick, 369

Copenhagen, World Laughter Day in, 144

Cornell University, 18, 21, 46, 83, 92, 96, 276

correlation and causation, confusion of, 91

cortisol, 110, 141, 144, 201–2

Council on Science and Health, 187

counting backwards, 173

Cousins, Norman, 146

cow brains, supplier found for, 40

CPAP (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) machine, 263–64, 346

crankiness, as in underfed New Yorkers, 271

Crawford, Matthew, 305

creatine supplements, 84

Crohn’s disease, 136

CrossFit training, working out to exhaustion at, 247–48

crossword puzzles, 168

Cruise, Tom, dropped as celebrity crush, 192

Crumb, Robert, 315

Crunch, 34–36

pole-dancing classes at, 34

CR Way, The (McGlothin and Averill), 18, 362

cupping, 123–24

cursing, pain reduced by, 125

curtains, vacuuming of, 82

C-word, 125

Dairy Queen, 15

Dalton, Pamela, 297, 299

Damon, Matt, AJ’s workout more strenuous than his, 192

Darrow, Clarence, on genetic improbabilities, 26

Darth Vader, push-up breathing of, 215–16

David vs. Goliath, nerdish outcome of, 173–74

DDT, malaria deaths ascribed to ban on, 188

death:

accidental, 335–36

closure provided by, 10

Jacobs boys’ interest in, 110–12

debates:

on barefoot running, 208–9

cardio (aerobic) exercise vs. slow fitness, 158–61

cigarettes vs. candy, 215

diet, see diet debate

domestic, see Jacobs, A. J.; Jacobs, Julie Schoenberg

on flossing methods, 197–98

on germ theory, see germ debate

good chemistry vs. toxic chemistry, 183–91

on healthiest man alive, 43

on nerds vs. jocks, 173–76

on purest and safest water, 272–75

on realism vs. delusional optimism, 130

on sugar toxicity, 229–32

of toilet sitters vs. squatters, 136

decibel meter, findings with, 58–59

Degas, Edgar, why indoor scenes were preferred by, 327

de Grey, Aubrey, 111–12

Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness, 36

dementia, marriage and, 46

Denmark, helmet use in, 340

dental hygienist, glowing teeth promised by, 196

dental spa, 195–97

toes and ankles squeezed at, 195

dentists, horrifying revelations of their former methods, 196

DePinho, Ronald, aging in mice reversed by, 31–32

depression, 122, 139, 241, 259, 282, 297, 309

Depressive Realism, delusional optimism and, 179–80

dermatologists, 239, 242–44

“deskercise,” 68

desk jockeys, treadmill, 68

desk workouts, 67–69

just standing in, 67

phone hookup for biceps curls in, 67

detached retinas, boxers prone to, 328

diabetes, 64, 92, 96, 229, 241

passport owners correlated with lower rates of, 91

sweet scent of, 294

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 88

didgeridoo, snorer’s playing of, 261–62

neighbors prevented from snoring by, 262

diesel fuel, mood elevation experienced with aroma of, 299

diet, 13–28

AJ’s daily menu, 223–25, 224

bland, for lowering nefarious sex drive, 101–3

low-carb, high-protein, 92, 227–29

modified Mediterranean, 223–25

Paleo-Atkins type of, 225

partial list, 13

plant-based, 92

raw-food vegan, 225–27

raw meat, including internal organs, 38

sex-drive-booster, 105–6

Standard American, 92, 227

substitutions in, 225

sugar-free, 229–32

Vice, 13–16, 17

diet debate, 91–95

at AJ’s extended family dinners, 93–94

AJ’s pledge in, 225

low-carb, high-protein diet side of, 92–93, 227

plant-based diet side of, 92, 93–95, 227

raw food vs. Paleo diet, 225–29

digestive process, AJ’s thoughts of, 27

disease:

lapsarian view of, 142

mind-body issues in, 141–42

DNA testing, see genetic testing

doctors, most common reason for going to, 312

doggie bags, portion control with, 50

dog ownership, 150–52, 359–60

dogs, acupuncture on, 120

Doidge, Norman, 169

dolphins, enviable sleep system of, 257

“Don’t Walk” sign, doing pull-ups from, 65

door handles, germs on, 75–76

dopamine, 175

sexual desire stirred by, 107, 109

Douglas (friend), 126

drinking:

driving vs. walking after, 341

marriage as a curb on, 47

see also alcohol; booze; wine

drowning, while in bed, 336

Dr. Oz Show, 135, 264, 279, 331

Dr. Oz’s website, 59

drunk driving, risks of drunk walking compared with, 341

Duhigg, Charles, 245, 272–75

dumbbells:

lavender-colored vs. ten-pounder, 35

shopping bags as, 65

Duncan, David Ewing, 190

Durant, John, 37–43

becoming a “professional caveman” as goal of, 227–28

foods developed in last ten thousand years avoided by, 228

ideal girlfriend of, 228

as reformist caveman (cooks his meat), 38

dust mites, 92, 330

sleep lost over, 77

Dutch ash trees, Wi-Fi bad for, 185

dweebs, athletically inclined, 174

D-word, see death

earbuds, hearing loss induced by, 55

ear plugs, 366

eventual discomfort of, 57

see also noise

ears, 53–59

wear and tear of, 55

see also noise

Eat, Drink, and Be Healthy (Willett), 362

eating, 13–28

of the colors, 364

competitive, 60

of dirt, paper, glue, or clay, 131

distracted, father of, 21–22

80 percent prayer said in, 84, 156

fork size in, 23, 26

gaming yourself in, 231–32, 356, 363

by locavores, 362–63

for longevity, 24–26

low on food chain, 190

mindfulness attempted in, 22–24, 27

mindless, 21

pause points in, 363

plate size in, 22

portion-size challenge in, 17–22, 84–85, 355–56; see also portion control

role of chewing in, 23–24, 84, 355

of ugly vs. attractive animals, 170

watching Letterman vs. Leno while, 21

watching no TV while, 355

watching yourself while, 23–24, 356

see also diet; food; food reforms

eating disorders, 87–90

egonomics, present and future selves in, 48–50, 231

Eingorn, Alex, 142–47

on origins and principles of laughter clubs, 144

Einstein, Albert, 175

ejaculation, Taoist view of, 103

elbow-bump greetings, 77

electric-outlet safety, 336

elevator, taking stairs instead of, 64, 353

eleventh percentile, where AJ came out in counting backwards, 173

e-mails, effect of Tread-desk on, 69

Encyclopaedia Britannica:

AJ’s reading and retaining 2 percent of, 5, 6

on how the Fourth Earl gave us the first sandwich, 21–22

endocrine system, 182, 183–91

see also toxins

endometriosis, frequent orgasms and, 104

endorphins, 129

Energy, in Taoist sexology, 103

Entertainment Tonight, 155

epiphany, what to do while waiting for, 271

equations, brain fed with, 169

Equinox, 127

errands, running of, see running errands, literally

Esquire magazine, 51, 249, 345

AJ’s article on outsourcing his life in, 149

AJ’s browsing of, after his libido upgrade, 280, 285

AJ’s interview with George H. W. Bush in, 288

capri pants story in, 341

David Blaine interviewed for, 216–17

dolphin sleep system envisioned at meetings of, 257

low testosterone embarrassing for employee of, 11

men’s health symposium of, 279

sweating through shirt in running to, 65

syrupy peaches consumed by semisentient writer for, 22

Vergara interview in, 154–55

Esther, Queen, 199

estrogen, 283, 287

Europeans, slow-food eating by, 26

evolution:

barefoot running in, 205

dolphin sleep advantage as kind gift of, 257

healthy food ill-favored by, 15

how it missed the mark on pain, 116–17

Excruciating History of Dentistry, The (Wynbrandt), 196

Execusisers, 67, 68

Executive Health Enterprises (EHE), 10–11

exercise, 6, 89

aerobic, time allotted for, 1

antisnoring, 261

Band-Aid Removal Preference Dilemma in, 252–53

bingeing as aftereffect of, 33

of brain, 165–67

brainpower boosted by, 174

cardio vs. slow fitness, 158–59

in Caveman Workout, 36–44

in desk workouts, 67–69

disease risk cut down by, 32–33

feeling good as outcome of, 32

fidgeting, 353

hardly ever on Sabbath, 201

how much and what kind of, 33

laughing, 142–47

life span increased by, 32, 44–45, 46

motivation needed for, 250

neck, 318

neurobic, 170–71

in old age, 44–45

outwitting self into, 47–50

regularity needed for, 32, 33

sex as form of, 105

steady-state, 253

tapping your leg, 353

T-boosting with moderate levels of, 283

widows and widowers of, 278

see also gyms; working out; specific programs

Experimental Man (Duncan), 190

eyebrows, germs in, 77

eye charts:

with big E at top or bottom of, 329

Snellen, downloaded from Internet, 330

eye exams, 327–28

eyeglasses:

advantaged wearers of, 327

vision sharper without lenses in, 124

eyes, 325–33, 326

astonishing statistics on, 325

dark chocolate beneficial for, 14

diseases of, 327–28

Plato’s unkind words about, 293–94

tips for health of, 328

eyesight improvement, 329–31

chimpanzee help in, 283

cockiness for, 329

eye aerobics for, 329

video games for, 329, 330–31

F, problem recalling some words starting with, 172

face masks, 79–80, 220

facials, odd assortment of bodily fluids used for, 235–36

Fallahpour, Kamran, 171–73, 176

falls, trying to get into bed, 335

false confidence, things that improve with, 329

family meals, eating regimen at, 22–24, 26

farts, people seeking a new sound in, 131–33

fasting, see juice fast

fat, body:

brown vs. white, 210

sugars ending up as, 96

visceral vs. subcutaneous, 3

fat, dietary:

ancestor caveman’s short-run view of, 15–16

in diet debate, 92–94

in Paleo diet, 227–29

fate, outsmarting of, 148–49

fatigue, 259, 282

Federer, Roger, 163

feeling good, how exercise results in, 32–33

feet, 203–10, 204

average, lifetime distance walked by, 205

in barefoot running, 203–8, 204

webbed, Vibrams not advised for, 206

Feiffer, Jules, on Superman, 200

Ferris, Tim, 84, 211, 265, 361

fight-or-flight response, 55, 125

Fig Newtons, stomach’s mindless insistence on, 293

Fiji Water, purity of Cleveland water maligned by, 273

Finger, Paul, 328–29

Finger Fitness, 305–7, 309

how the world might change with, 307

invention of, 306–7

fingers, 303–10, 304

middle, naughty rep of, 306

thinking about bones of, 27

Fisch, Harry, 279–84

Clomid recommended by, 284

fish, mercury in, 190, 368

Fisher, Helen, 107

Fitbit, 108

fitness equipment, 98–99

fitness industry, marketing secrets of, 34

FitzGordon, Jonathan, 315–17

AJ’s walking appraised by, 315

on traditional posture advice, 316–17

walking demonstrated by, 316

Fixx, Jim:

fitness program and early death of, 29–31, 293

as only one data point, 32

flavonoids, 7, 89

Fletcher, Horace, pro-chewing grandfathered by, 24

flossing, 198

chimpanzee use of, 41

years added to life by, 195

Fonda, Jane, 158

food:

for Beverly Hills foreheads, 235

for the brain, 167

“Clark Kent,” 97

faux health, 51, 95

germs in, 77

healthy, fetishism for, 87–90

improved by headphones, 59

noisy snacks, 54, 362

organic, 368

origins and destination of, 23

paycheck-gobbling, 96

pro-chewers’ approach to, 23–24

savoring meditation with, 20–21, 86

in the stuffing of America, 92

super-, 59–60

for suppressing further appetite, 356

ten best pieces of advice on, 361–64

white, rejection of, 94–95, 361–62

see also diet; eating

food chain, avoiding fish high on, 190, 368

food reforms:

gradualism in, 13

more chocolate, booze, and coffee in, 13–16

no more swiping pizza crusts from the kids’ plates, 28

place setting in, 22–23

quantity then quality in, 17

Food Rules (Pollan), 364

football teams, above-average students not on, 175–76

foot injuries, 205

foot rubs, 294

footwear industry, revolt against, 205

For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage (Parker-Pope), 46–47

For Dying Out Loud (unpubl.; Bronzaft), 57, 60

48 Hours, 159

4—Hour Body, The (Ferris), 84, 211, 265, 361

Fowler, James, 162

fox, fabled grapes reframed by, 252

France:

moles in vogue under Louis XV of, 242

parasite use in, 40–41

Franklin, Ben, on cold not causing colds, 211

Freakonomics (Levitt and Dubner), 341

Friedman, Howard, 71

friendship, stress in, 161–62

frogs, loose teeth fixed by, 196

fructose, sucrose vs., 7

fruits, 89

high- vs. low-sugar, 229

our ancestral preference for, 15

F-word, the, 125

Gaga, Lady, warming up to, 249

Galina (acupuncturist), visit to office of, 118–20

gambling, eating while, 21–22

games, losing more precisely in, 177

Gandhi, M. K. (Mahatma), slow chewing advocated by, 24

gas, intestinal, pro-chewers’ view of, 24

gene-coated nano-robot pill, waiting for, 31

genetics, of taste and smell, 297

genetic testing, 300–302

expectations for future of, 301

Tree of Knowledge problem in, 302

genitals, 101–9

urologist’s unsugarcoated view of, 281

see also sexual activity

Germ, Dr., see Tierno, Philip

germaphobia, 76

going full McDougall thwarted by, 206

moral outlook colored by, 82

germ cell, fossilized, as oldest sign of life, 77

germ debate, 75–83

germaphobe’s side in, 76–80

Hygiene Hypothesis side in, 80–81

politics injected into, 82–83

germ porn, 75–76

germproof sheets, 82

germs, 75–83

AJ’s immune system friendly to, 72

in the cracks of your teeth, 195, 197

in drinking water, 273

gyms saturated with, 32

humans descended from, 77

likely habitations of, 79

on Purell dispensers, 79

questions commonly asked about, 79–80

resistance developed to antibiotics by, 79

of the right sort, 82–83

submerging feet in a swamp of, 209

time-consuming warfare on, 82

UV radiation for killing of, 82

Gibala, Martin, 252

ginger, benefits of, 217

gingivitis, 195

Glide Comfort Plus floss, 197

Globe Theatre, groundlings at, 67

glycemic indices, 89

GNC, 83

God:

children’s questions about, 111

dew on front lawn of, 274

disease meted out for sin by, 142

joke about a doctor and, 287

thanked for painkillers, 115

trust in nanny state confessed to, 273

gods of health, massive transgressions against, 191

Goldacre, Ben, 90, 237

gonads, 279–87, 280

Good & Plenty/cucumber romance spray, 102, 106, 109

Good Calories, Bad Calories (Taubes), 92

good for you:

arguing, 169–70

blueberries, 7, 20–21, 26, 97

brushing and flossing, 194, 195, 197–98

cat owning, 151

caution, 335–39

chewing, 23–24

cuts and scratches, 42

dark chocolate, 14, 60

delusional optimism, sensibly balanced, 130

doing new things, 170–71

equations, 169

exercise, exercise, exercise!, 32

fidgeting, 353

forest walking, 43

getting off your butt, 63–71

ginger, 217

goat’s milk, 71

good habits, 245

green field views, 44

hanging out with fit and happy friends or their friends, 161–62

having a purpose in life, 4, 25

holding hands, 308

house plants, 28

just standing there, 66–67

lapping up fallen ice cream, 81

living in hilly places, 64, 221

looking on the bright side, 153

marriage, 45–47; see also Jacobs, Julie Schoenberg

memorizing poems, 169

moderate drinking, 14, 91

moderate optimism with a soupçon of anxiety, 71

more germs, 80–81

near-starvation, 17–21

petting dogs, 150–52

self-massage (not a euphemism), 110, 359

sharpening your sense of smell, 297–98

tart cherry juice, 264

touching, 151, 153

turmeric, 7

unflagging determination and optimism, if possible, 70–71

volunteering, 179–80

watching sports, 163–64

wearing a helmet, 339–42

see also bad for you

Good Night (Breus), 264

gorillas, flat backs an aid to posture of, 316

Gottesman, Lester, 131–37, 227

Graham, Sylvester, as guru of the bland, 101–3

graham crackers, 101–3

grocery store:

as origin of food, 23

shopping the perimeters of, 95–98, 362

guerrilla (contextual) exercise, 64–67

avoiding airport People Movers in, 64–65

beating the elevator in, 64

literally running errands in, 65

for normal people, 353

for the obsessed, 353–54

guilt:

for being terse with a dermatologist, 243

for bingeing, 66

booze, chocolate, and coffee consumed without, 13–16

for improving delts over brain, 233

about obsession with health, 278

about project’s missing body parts, 346

in sitting, 66

in skipping gym, 65

in straying from healthy food, 88

gut, germs in, 75, 76

“gymnasium,” origin of word, 34

gyms, 29–36

AJ’s introduction to, 34–36

etiquette observed at, 61

exercising in nature vs., 39

fellow regulars at, 60–61

glute-lifting demanded by lolling instructor, 250

infectious diseases caught in, 32

New York itself, 221

number of Americans who belong to, 33

Sabbath avoidance of, 201

slow fitness vs. cardio, 157–61

why clanking weights while grunting is OK at, 61

world as, 65; see also guerrilla exercise

see also exercise; working out; specific gyms

hamantaschen, 200

Hand, The: How Its Use Shapes the Brain, Language, and Human Culture (Wilson), 305

hand-holding, 308

hand paraphernalia, 306

hands, 303–12, 304

germs on, 75

new maladies of, 309

periodic shaking of, 309

see also fingers

hands, unwashed:

in germ porn, 75–76

in Hygiene Hypothesis, 80–81

Hands (Napier), 303

hand washing, 74

brief history of, 78

virtuoso performance of, 78

happiness, contagion of, 162

Hardees’ Monster Thickburger, calories (not counting fries) in, 17

hare, Aesop’s, sprint-and-rest racing by, 252

Harvard University, 7, 31, 64, 162, 329, 341

Hausman, Michael, 309–10

HDL, LDL vs., 7

Healing Spaces (Sternberg), 141, 294

health:

deadlines incompatible with, 139

time needed to keep up with, 155–57

WHO’s definition of, 9–10, 168

health advice, five-word summation of, 245

health food, how Graham became an inventor of, 101–2

Health Food Junkies (Bratman), 88–89, 364

health habits, gradualism applied in reforming of, 13–16

Health Project, see Project Health

health villains, top five, 239

healthy behaviors, 8

see also good for you

Healthy Garden, dining at, 51

Healthy Vices, 13–16

growing list of, 168, 330

Heal Your Aching Back (Katz), 317–18

hearing loss, decibel levels sufficient for, 59

see also ears; noise

heart, 29–52, 30, 246, 247–55

see also exercise; gyms; working out; specific types of exercise

heart attacks:

marriage and, 46

noise-related, 55

postcoital risk of, 104

heart disease, 32, 92, 218, 220, 241, 258, 259, 282, 284

dark chocolate for lowering risk of, 14

frequent orgasms and, 104

HIIT and, 253

marathon sitting as cause of, 64, 66

optimism in patients with, 70–71

Paleo diet’s unknown effect on, 229

predictors of, 3, 94

worrying about worrying about, 142

heels:

exfoliating of, 208

landing too hard on, 207, 209

Hefner, Hugh, 282

Heisenberg, Werner, 59

helmets, 334, 340–42

for apartment living, 340

for babies, 336

hemorrhoids, 134–36

sitting vs. squatting for prevention of, 136

HEPA filter, 220

Herbenick, Debra, 105

herpes simplex, 32

Hicks, Bill, working out satirized by, 29–31

high blood pressure, 55, 258

see also blood pressure

High-Intensity Interval Training (HIIT), 277, 347

effective, but no free lunch, 252

why AJ did it once a week, 253–54

hip thrusts, warm-up, 248

Hitler, Adolf, bullhorn fascism of, 56

holidays, feasting vs. fasting on, 20

Home Safety Council, 337

hormone replacement therapy (HRT), 284

horse grooming, calories spent in, 109

hospitals, deaths from infections acquired at, 77

hot dog eating contests, 60

hotels, bringing your germproof sheets to, 82

HourFace, photo aged by, 48–50, 49, 231

humans:

barefoot running no longer suited to, 208–9

built-in sleep requirements of, 265

dolphin sleep advantage over, 257

how germs and The Other became entangled by, 83

long strides best avoided by, 206, 207

water as healthiest liquid for, 272

humming, colds prevented by, 1

hummingbird, sugar as sole energy source of, 229

humor:

anti-CR, 19

cab-driver, 287

dermatological, 243

in laughter clubs, 144

presidential, 288

proctological, 134

raw food, 226–27

urological, 279, 280

hunger, as when you salivate at thoughts of lettuce, 271

Hygiene Hypothesis, 80–81

hypertension, 55, 258

see also blood pressure

hypogonadism, 282

hypothermia, ideas for warding off, 310–11

hysteria, vibrators for treatment of, 103

iced drinks, vogue whipped up for, 275–76

Idle, Eric, 152–53

immortality, 111–12

complications of, 155

of Internet, 155

immune cells, 80

immune system, 74, 75–83, 211

germs as allies of, 80

hobbled by sleep deprivation, 258

see also germ debate; germs; infectious diseases

impetigo, 32

Impressionist artists, optical woes of, 327

Incidental Physical Activity (fidgeting), 353

Independence Hall, noise abatement at, 56

infectious diseases, 15

gyms and sports as sources of, 32

as second leading cause of death, 77

see also specific diseases

InForm Fitness, 157–61

ashram-like ambience of, 157–58

Inherit the Wind (film), 26

In Pursuit of Silence (Prochnik), 55, 56

insalubrity, see bad for you

Institute of Medicine, 135

daily exercise regimen of, 33

insulin, 93, 229

intelligence, meritocracy of, 167

Intelligence and How to Get It (Nisbett), 165

intenSati, 127–30

aftereffects of session at, 129–30

ambience of, 128–29

co-creating reality at, 129

International Trepanation Advocacy Group, 8

Internet, 58, 143, 228, 310

AJ’s yellow teeth singled out on, 196

baby helmets researched on, 336

cultural and hygienic taboos sometimes violated on, 16

dental spas listed on, 195

eye exercises on, 329

Fitbit calorie stats on, 108

immortality of, 155

magical thinking aided by, 149

memento mori found on, 154

pro-chewing websites on, 23

psychology of cursing on, 125

quarter-baked ideas on, 8

squat-aiding toilet apparatus found on, 132, 136–37

“iPlod,” 68

IQAir Purifier, 217

Irwin, Greg, 305–7

Jacobs, A. J.:

activity Balkanization once envisioned by, 64

almond as sedative of choice for, 299

American sloth-related maladies of, 10–11

anxiety adored by brain of, 149

arctic water phobia of, 310

aversion to head touching or skull piercing of, 119

balance of optimism and anxiety of, 71

balance of sensible realism and delusional optimism attained by, 130

B-cup pecs wanted by, 34

biceps envy of, 84

bingeing on sugary, salty stuff by, 293–94

brain’s peak performance sought by, 166, 171–73

catches cold despite remarkable health-mindedness, 72, 74

in Central Park meeting with French caveman, 37–43

chewdaism of, 24, 84, 355

consequences of toilet reading by, 134–35

daily menu of, 223–25, 224

digitally aged picture of (HourFace), showing future self, 48–50, 49, 231

disastrous posture of, 313

DNA test results of, 300–301

Dr. Germ gets elbow bump from, 77

EHE report on body of, 10–11

embarrassing taste test errors of, 296

ersatz health food admittedly enjoyed by, 95

facial improvements contemplated by, 238

on finishing the triathlon, 323

fitness equipment cluttering closets of, 98–99

future self accommodated by getting to sleep earlier, 265

germaphobia of, 74, 76–77

gone from quasi-vegetarian to flexitarian, 93

at grandfather’s hospital bedside, 288–89

hand-holding campaign of, 308

health resolutions of, 347–48

heel-heavy stride of, 207, 209

helmet experiment of, 334, 340–42

“honest placebo” of, 124

how waiters are instructed by, 222

on juice fast, 268, 269–72

Julie and her mom saved by magical thinking of, 148–49

lab-rat viewpoint of, 22

lectured by a pack of ill-bred pixels, 168

libido upgrade of, 283–87

listing F-words a challenge to, 172

lost kids as fitness trial for, 331–33

as memento mori fan, 154

“mild case” of sleep apnea in, 263

mild hernia of, 180–81

mild OCD affliction of, 32

mind-expanding activities of, 168

moles removed from back and nose of, 241–44

most relaxing MRI in life of, 218–19

mouth breathing disclosed by, 215–16

muscle soreness pleasing to, 36

as mushy, easily winded, moderately sickly blob, 2–4

natural running in the park by, 30, 39–40, 42

new decisive posture of, 317

new unwelcoming immune system of, 211

number of incorrect breaths taken by, 215

partial list of health-driven tasks of, 155–57

personal record for superfoods eaten in one meal, 244

“Plazibo” soon to be marketed by, 124

Project Libido of, 105–9

restaurant portion-control techniques of, 50

Retin-A tried with some success by, 237–38

as “reverent agnostic,” 201

self-improvement projects of, 4–6

self-righteous health fundamentalism of, 191–92

shoulder hurt while kayaking on Wii, 113–15, 127

in slow fitness workout, 157–61

smell and taste tests taken by, 295–97

stomach-breathing a life changer for, 217–18

story of his glowing teeth told by, 196–97

sugar-free for two weeks, 229–32

on this loud, loud world, 54

three sons of, 3, 4; see also Jacobs, Jasper; Jacobs, Lucas; Jacobs, Zane

torso studied nightly for progress by, 83–84

treadmill accepted by Julie, not neighbors, 60

treatment for shoulder pain of, 117–21

triathlon of, 250–52, 309, 314, 319–24

tropical pneumonia of, 2–3, 4

TSA pat-down of, 153–54

uncontainable sumo laughter of, 146–47

visits to grandfather by, 24–26, 44–47, 69–71, 93–94, 125–26, 178–80, 219–21, 266–67

wacky neurobic exercises of, 170–71

Week of Maximum Safety for, 339

what a trained, sharp-eyed journalist notices, 248

what he could have achieved had he been breastfed, 300

on what his colonic felt like, 135

where his testosterone clocked in, 282

why estrogen injections could improve his writing, 287

why more sleep is needed by, 258

why sleep is hated by, 257

at work, in dark and depressing dungeon, 210

as world’s most mindful eater, 22–24

Zeo’s effect on sleeping of, 265–66

Jacobs, Arnold J., Sr., 332

Britannica read-through attempted by, 5, 233

in workout with AJ, 233

Jacobs, Beryl, 288–89

Jacobs, Ellen Kheel, 300

AJ told about med student first-year panic by, 27

at her Pilates studio, 233

steamer purchase advised by, 364

in visit to grandpa’s apartment, 345–46

Jacobs, Jasper, 13, 22, 112, 124, 138, 163, 192, 319

AJ’s concerns about the crowd he hangs out with, 82

anole lizard named by, 152

birth and heritage of, 5

breathing mantra taught to, 218

father’s public pull-ups embarrassing to, 65

holding hands with, 308

Julie questioned on smoking by, 214

lost in the park, 331–33

playing his Super Mario game defended by, 331

source of food discussed with, 23

Jacobs, Julie Schoenberg:

aerobics ardently defended by, 160

age-guessing dermatologist told off by, 239

AJ asked if he has a schmuck gene by, 303

AJ defended from Siren song of his mangoes by, 231–32

AJ in ten-thousand-stepathon competition with, 99–100

AJ’s brain-enhancing disputes with, 170

AJ’s helmet ridiculed by, 340

AJ’s hold-that-thought finger shown to, 24

on AJ’s immortality scenarios, 111, 112

AJ’s Project Libido joined with skepticism by, 105–9

AJ’s snoring noted by, 259, 261

AJ’s weight-loss progress as measured by, 27

aphrodisiac roller-coaster iPhone app squelched by, 108

boundless pop culture knowledge of, 206

dorky, noise-canceling headphones disparaged by, 58

Dr. Germ as viewed by, 77, 81

furry pet allergy of, 152

genetic testing of, 302

gym attendance urged by, 29, 31, 36, 47

hand-holding project worn thin for, 308

Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle illustrated by, 59

household safety check as eye roller for, 339

how “pumpkin” became her new pet name, 232

on Hygiene Hypothesis side of germ debate, 80, 81

immunological pansies decried by, 76

intenSati principles applied at home by, 129–30

juice fast broken for leftover Indian food by, 270–71

married down the immune system ladder, 72

mindfulness at Momofuku cruelly urged by, 171

modified Bass Method learned by, 198

Nature’s Platform given a test drive by, 137

neti pot misused by, 73

odor workouts aided by, 297–98

pushy Areca palm ordered out by, 28

puts kibosh on electronically heated wet suit for AJ, 310

as a rapturous sleep hobbyist, 257–58, 266

Retin-A borrowed from AJ by, 237–38

saved by AJ’s magical thinking, 148–49

on sex frequency revelations, 105, 286

sunscreen surfeit derided by, 240

superheroes led by, 200

tearful reaction to the removal of AJ’s mole of forty-two years, 243

as toxic-free and safe for AJ to keep, 186

triathlon suggested by, 250, 251

typing while walking questioned by, 68

untold story behind Alison’s dinner with, 161–62

in visit to AJ’s grandfather, 219–21

what her crossed arms portend, 128

what her reaction to natural chocolate reminded AJ of, 16

on where to begin living forever, 18

on why people smoke, 214

withering glances of, 162, 169

worry about AJ’s antiworry plan inspired by, 150

Jacobs, Lucas, 22, 57, 249, 277, 278, 318, 340

on D-word matters, 110–11

logic puzzles created by, 168–69

missing stuffed elephant of, 99–100

neti pot misused on soft-boiled egg of, 73

postmeltdown stupor of, 270

Spongebob Band-Aid’s magical effect on, 122

in visit to great-grandfather, 266–67

Jacobs, Zane, 22, 53, 214, 277, 323

cotton candy offered to AJ by, 348

decibel levels recorded for tantrum of, 59

D-word used in negotiations by, 111

fallen cucumber slice restored to, 81

fallen ice cream lapped up by, 76, 81

fate of smiley face on cheek of, 202

lost in the park, 331–33

on what the seas await, 23

Jacobs apartment:

AJ’s fear of slow death in, 18

clean sweep of sweets in, 230

fat-fighting design of, 22

Marti’s roundup of toxic hazards in, 183–86

safety-violation scan of, 337–39

wearing bike helmets for safety in, 334, 30

Jacobs boys, 3, 4, 7, 50, 301, 344

AJ’s dozing while reading to, 258

AJ’s health project questioned by, 110

Band-Aid as panacea of first choice for, 122

at Benihana, 53–54

discussing the D-word with, 110–12

dungeon chosen as refuge from, 210

at (or near) family dinner, 22–24

food swiped from plates of, 28

full-time, nonstop healthy living given up for, 346

germaphobia totally lacking in, 76

incomprehensible loudness attained by, 53

“monkey shoes” of, 203

ordering them around with backbone, 317

Purim costumes of, 199–200, 201

sneezing and wheezing of, 211

in sweet-free home, 230

synagogue joined for benefit of, 201

topics given a scatological twist by, 23, 133

what could happen if AJ’s testosterone gel rubbed off on, 284

see also Jacobs, Jasper; Jacobs, Lucas; Jacobs, Zane

Jacobs twins (Lucas and Zane), 22, 263, 266–67

improvised fairy tales performed by, 277–78

responding to D-word questions of, 110–12

Jane, aunt, 69, 125, 178, 267

at Kheel’s hospital bedside

Japan, sex frequency in, 105, 286

Jeanne-Claude, 69

Jefferson, Thomas, meat as the condiment of, 362–63

Jeter, Derek, 99

Jewish Community Center pool, swimming at, 277

jock itch, 32

jocks vs. nerds, in brain department, 173–76

jogging, 33

shoelessly, 203–8, 204

John (friend), 58

Jordan, Michael, ill-advised career switch of, 296

Journal of the American Medical Association, 104, 284

Judaism, new ways tried on Sabbath in, 171

Judson, Olivia, 66

juice fast, 268, 269–72

AJ’s assessment of, 271–72

Julie’s exit after nine hours of, 270–71

three effects of, see crankiness; hunger; spaciness

juicers, auger-geared, 225–26

jumping jacks, problems solved with, 176