Every Day is an Atheist Holiday!

A TELEPHONE CONVERSATION WITH GILBERT GOTTFRIED ON JANUARY 13, 2002

PENN: Are you the Aflac duck? Is that your voice?

GILBERT: Yeah.

PENN: Is it just saying “Aflac”?

GILBERT: Yeah, and a few other sounds.

PENN: But no words, right?

GILBERT: No, just kinda quacking.

PENN: I can’t bring it to mind. Just do the voice for me once—just do “Aflac.”

GILBERT: I’m not going to do a voice for you.

PENN: C’mon, I want to hear it.

GILBERT: “Do the parrot.” “Do Comedy Central.” I’m not doing a voice for you. I’m not performing for you.

PENN: Listen, you little fucking bastard, do the fucking duck or I’ll slap you. I’m not kidding.

GILBERT: Is that technologically possible over the phone?

PENN: I’m coming to New York tomorrow, asshole.

GILBERT:…… Aflac.