Fifteen Minutes

chapter 23

The high was like some crazy drug, different than anything Zack had experienced in his life. That’s all he could think as he stepped off stage with the other nineteen remaining contestants after the first live show. Carnegie Hall was packed with screaming fans, and when Zack sang the Dierks Bentley song he’d practiced all week the audience stayed on its feet and screamed the entire time. After weeks of buildup, the show had definitely delivered.

Zack couldn’t wait to talk to Reese, see how she felt about his performance and ask how she was doing. He hadn’t been on a computer in days, and he hadn’t talked to Reese in that much time at least. A few texts but nothing more. Their distance was beginning to worry him and tonight he felt desperate to hear her voice.

When the show ended, the group of contestants moved to a small room backstage. Zack tried to catch his breath. Adrenaline flooded his body, making his heart race and sustaining the feeling he’d had onstage. Backstage Zack’s group hugged and talked and laughed all at once. Congratulations flew from one singer to another. The judges had made sweeping comments about how theirs was easily the best group.

Zack wondered if Reese had watched the show with his family the way she had planned. He had no cell service in Carnegie Hall and it could be hours before he would have a chance to call her. Like always, there was no time to rest. In the next few minutes William Gaines was supposed to meet them with an update.

“That was unreal.” Zoey worked her way to the spot beside him, as breathless as he was. Without hesitating she threw her arms around his neck and stayed that way, swaying in the kind of hug usually reserved for long-lost lovers. “You were amazing, Zack,” she whispered, her eyes wide with clear admiration. She stepped back, her face bright and full of life as she looked at him. “I swear, you’re gonna win the whole thing.”

“Not me . . . you.” He put his hands casually on her shoulders. After all they’d been through on the show, Zoey meant a lot to him. But there had been no more clandestine hallway moments, no temptations like there had been the night they kissed. When this was all over, his heart would belong to Reese.

“I felt shaky on the belting notes.”

“Not at all. Did you see the judges?” He grinned at her. “You started singing that Kelly Clarkson song and they were on their feet before the first chorus.”

One of the married guys—also a finalist—overheard their conversation. He walked up. “It’ll come down to you two. No one else is close.” He nodded at the rest of the group. “We all know it.”

Zack wasn’t sure, but the guy’s words only added to the headiness. “Thanks, man. Seriously.”

“It’s true.” The guy gave Zack a hearty fist pump. “One day I can tell my kids I sang on the same stage as you.”

The possibility existed, Zack could see that now. But he believed it existed more for Zoey. Tonight for the first time Zack could see Zoey winning. Her voice was as pure as Carrie Underwood’s and as strong as Chandra Olson’s. All wrapped up inside a blond, blue-eyed high school cheerleader. The perfect all-American girl. Viewers were going to love her.

William Gaines entered the room with two assistant producers, and in a flurry of motion he took the spot at the front of the room. The contestants fell silent. “Well done, people. That was one of the greatest live shows since we started ten years ago.” Gaines beamed, making eye contact around the room. “Now.” He clapped a few times, clearly in a hurry. “We have a very tight schedule.”

The list was daunting. Wardrobe needed everyone immediately for a fitting. They would wear three different outfits for tomorrow’s kickoff show and no one could leave until the decisions were made. Production had brought in a few pairs of pricey jeans for Zack. He could hardly wait to sort through them.

“While that’s happening,” Gaines continued, “you will return to this room one at a time for your exit interviews. Remember, ten of you will go home tomorrow.”

A strange feeling came over Zack. He desperately didn’t want to go home. Just a few months ago if he’d been cut he easily could’ve climbed in his truck and driven back to Kentucky. No regrets. But now . . . now that he had come this far he wanted to keep winning, keep singing in front of that audience with cameras aimed at him from every part of the venue.

The next two hours passed in a blur, with production assistants whisking them from wardrobe to the interview room until everyone finished taping. Only then did Zack turn on his phone and see the missed call from Reese. His heart soared. He couldn’t wait to talk to her, couldn’t wait to hear what she thought of his performance. Other than short teasers on the Fifteen Minutes website, she hadn’t seen him compete until tonight.

Zack picked most of what he needed for his three outfits for the kickoff show and then filmed his exit interview. His emotions were raw; so much had happened that day already. As he talked about leaving the show, putting the adventure behind him, he felt his eyes grow damp. He chuckled and shook his head. “No one ever wants the ride to end.”

When the interview wrapped, he felt sick to his stomach. All the way back to the wardrobe room, he assured himself that they wouldn’t cut him. Not this round. He could already feel himself singing again next week, moved by their applause and shining for God. Because that’s what all this was about. He’d make the cut, right? God knew he needed to stay on the show to save the farm and help his sister. Zack stared at his phone. He also needed to talk to Reese. As he reached wardrobe, he hesitated and then slipped into the men’s room down the hall. He took the last stall and locked the door. Leaning against it, he quickly turned on his phone. The screen came to life slowly. Come on . . . work! He stared at the dark screen, willing it to come to life. As soon as it did, he called her. Today more than ever he felt out of touch with her and his family, everything about his life back home. He hadn’t led worship or been to church in two months.

On the fourth ring the call went to voice mail. “Hey, it’s me.” He could hear the urgency in his whisper.

In the distance he heard William Gaines’s voice over what seemed to be a megaphone. “Buses are here! Everyone finish what you’re doing. We leave in three minutes.”

Zack groaned. “Baby, I’m sorry. I can’t talk. I promise I’ll call you as soon as we have a break.” He didn’t know what else to say. His words felt stiff and unnatural. Even leaving a message for her felt different now. He heard Gaines’s voice again. “Sorry . . . gotta go. Love you.”

Using cell phones was against the rules except during breaks. Zack turned his off and hurried back to wardrobe where Gaines was directing contestants toward the exit. “If you haven’t picked your wardrobe for tomorrow, you’ll have to find time in the morning.” He spotted Zack. “You finished in here?”

“Yes, sir, almost. Did the interview. I’ll get my shoes figured out tomorrow.”

“Good.” Gaines would’ve made a successful drill sergeant. “Get on the bus. Seats are assigned.”

Zack’s place by the window next to Zoey didn’t surprise him. Clearly the producers were fans of what they perceived to be happening between the two of them. As long as Reese knew the truth.

“They’re filming a music video tonight—a promo piece or something.” Zoey leaned in close to him. “You know what I hated?”

“What?” He was aware of her knees against his legs. The seats had barely any legroom.

She settled her shoulder into the seat back and faced him. “Filming the exit video.” Her eyes held his for a long moment. “I don’t want this to end.”

He smiled and felt himself relax. “Me, either.” He could be himself around her, so he closed his eyes and for a few heartbeats he stayed that way. They hadn’t stopped moving since hours before the show.

Gaines stood at the front of the bus as it pulled away. He rattled off their itinerary for the night. They would be bused to a media party at a club on Manhattan’s Upper West Side to a celebration at Cullen Caldwell’s house and finally to a photo shoot at the Hard Rock Cafe. No surprise that the whole thing would be videotaped.

At every stop, the Fifteen Minutes producers had bodyguards and roped-off pathways. Somehow people had found out their itinerary and hordes of fans greeted them wherever they went. Again the feeling was heady for Zack. Like he’d become someone else. Or like it was all some crazy dream. A couple of girls outside the Hard Rock were in such a frenzy over seeing him that they started shaking and crying, screaming his name. Gaines came up alongside Zack. “They love you, man. It’s a whole new life.”

Zack could picture being greeted this way everywhere he went. For years, maybe. Reese would be there, too, in time. And when he was finished with the show, when no one could tell him what to do, he would get back to talking about his faith. He grinned at Gaines. “I could get used to it. Definitely.” The crowd was too loud to say anything else.

By the time they returned to the hotel it was after midnight. The group moved to a private lobby, where the contestants could hang out away from the public eye. Zoey took his hand and tried to lead him to a quiet corner. “Let’s talk.” Her eyes spoke to him in a personal way, as if he’d known her forever. “Come on. So much happened today.”

“I can’t.” Zack eased his hand free. He smiled at her, but he could only think about Reese, how much he had to tell her. “I need to call her.”

Zoey nodded, her eyes sad. “Reese?”

“Yes.” He gave her a puzzled look. Why would that surprise Zoey? “She and I, we haven’t had a real conversation in a week.”

“Hmm. Okay.” She hesitated, her eyes holding tight to his. “If you can’t reach her, call me. I’m not tired.”

“Zoey . . .” A momentary gust of desire came over him. He waited till it passed. “It’s late. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Her shoulder lifted in a girlish shrug. She waved as he walked away and he could feel her eyes follow him.

No matter how much he loved Reese, he had to be careful. Part of him wanted to stay back and hang out with Zoey. They’d been together all night, but there hadn’t been any time to talk. Not really. He forced himself to keep walking. Nothing good would come from hanging out with Zoey tonight. She looked stunning from the moment she took the stage, and she made him laugh in the midst of the madness. No, he couldn’t spend time with her. Not when he was still so high from his performance and hers. Yes, Zoey was a part of his life today. But Reese was his future. He needed to talk to her, hear her voice so he could find gravity again.

My son, no temptation has seized you except what is common to man . . . I will always give you a way out.

What was this? Scripture now? Zack kept walking toward his room. He didn’t need a way out, not when he wasn’t doing anything wrong. He was singing better than ever. It was okay to enjoy the ride, have a little fun in the process. God had let him make it this far; He would hardly want Zack to sit on the sidelines pining for home. That feeling came at night when he turned off the lights. But the days belonged to Fifteen Minutes, and yes, he was having a blast. Life was crazy, but it wouldn’t always be like this. He knew what he did and didn’t want. He turned on his phone in the elevator and the moment he closed his hotel room door behind him, he called her. “Be awake . . . come on, Reese.”

He checked the time as the phone rang. His heart sank. Two-forty. Way past midnight and so much later than he had thought. Again her phone went to voice mail. Of course it did. Why in the world would she be awake at this hour? He pictured her, probably hopeful that he would call, keeping her phone nearby, maybe spending time with his parents and Grandpa Dan. But when one hour had led to another and his call had never come what was she supposed to do?

Zack sighed and slumped over his knees. He had to be more intentional about calling her, had to find time regardless of their schedule. Otherwise this strange feeling would continue to plague him. Already too much silence had passed between them.

He paced the length of his room. His whole body buzzed from the rush of the night. Like Zoey, he was hardly tired. Breakfast was set for ten tomorrow morning and then they were supposed to wear pajamas to a room with sofas and plush chairs, where they would watch last night’s show for the first time.

Zack’s new roommate was Hank, a married guy. But even he had stayed in the private lobby with most of the other contestants. The twenty of them had so much to talk about, so much that only the others in the competition could understand. They had become a family, a team whose existence pushed out everything and everyone who had been so important just a few months ago. Zack knew of a few marriages on the rocks, though not Hank’s, and two serious couples had broken up since the competition began.

Reese and Zack were the success story, the ones who would survive.

Sure, they were struggling to find time to talk. But when this was all over they would make their way back to good again. When Zoey was out of the picture. He stopped pacing and sat on the edge of the bed. And when there weren’t so many people scrutinizing him, when he wasn’t so busy, he would use all this for God. He definitely would.

His mind was spinning. Had he prayed at all tonight? Since his performance? Lord, I couldn’t have done it without You. Thank You . . . really. But the prayer brought him no peace.

He stood and paced again. What were the other contestants doing? And why wasn’t he with them? If Reese were here, she’d tell him to have fun. He’d made it this far, so why hide in his room? This roller coaster wouldn’t last forever, so for now he needed to be downstairs in the private lobby. With his Fifteen Minutes family.

He slipped into a white T-shirt and sweats and made his way back to the lobby. Zoey was gone, but a dozen of the others were still there. He joined the circle. The gospel singer grinned at him. “So what’s going on with Zoey? People wanna know.”

“Nothing.” He chuckled as he shook his head. “Really. It’s all made up. You know. TV can make it look a certain way.”

“Doesn’t look made up.” One of the older girls grinned. “You two have crazy chemistry.”

“Yeah, well, I love my girlfriend.”

“So . . . your girlfriend flying out for any of the live shows?” His roommate clearly felt it was okay to prod. They were all close now, too. Any conversation was fair game. The guy raised one brow. “That could be interesting.”

Fly Reese out to watch a live show? Zack hadn’t even thought about it. “I guess it depends how long I stay on.”

“Okay.” One of the teenage guys laughed. “Can you hear yourself when you sing?”

“Yeah, man.” Zack’s roommate laughed and the others joined in, the happy sound rising from around the circle. “Tell her to book her flight for the final.”

“Come on.” Zack didn’t want to talk about himself. “Let’s be honest. Anyone here could win.” He was about to go into detail, but something caught his attention at the back of the room. He turned and saw Zoey. She seemed to be in her own world, staring out the dark window, her expression distant.

Hank followed Zack’s gaze. Rather than joking, his face grew serious. “Hey, man. Maybe you should talk to her.”

“Yeah. Maybe.” Zack looked back at her. If she needed someone to talk to, he would go. He stood and crossed the room.

Her eyes met his and then she looked past him to the other contestants, all watching. “Hey.” She ran her fingers through her long blond hair.

“Hi.” He would’ve hugged her but he could feel the eyes of the group on them.

Zoey looked uncomfortable. She glanced at the others. “Can we go upstairs?” A nearby stairway led to a smaller private lounge one floor up.

“Sure.” He steeled himself against whatever was coming. He couldn’t let the moment become a repeat of what happened before. He followed her up the stairs where the lounge was dark except for the lights from the city. They walked to the far corner and sat on opposite ends of a leather sofa facing a floor-to-ceiling glass wall.

“After you went to your room . . . I felt so alone.”

“You weren’t.” Zack was struggling. Whatever this feeling was, it was stronger than the attraction he’d felt that night in the hallway. “You . . . could’ve sat with the group.”

“It’s not the same. I wanted to talk to you.” She ran one hand over her arm and looked his way. “But I think I get it.”

“Get what?”

“The reason you didn’t stay . . .” Tears filled her eyes. She leaned forward as if she was searching for a way to understand. “It’s because you . . . aren’t attracted to me.”

“Zoey . . .” She had to know how ridiculous she sounded. Half the young guys in America would line up to be in his place right now. “I love my girlfriend. You know that.”

“To be honest . . .” She looked out the window at the city. “Sometimes I think you’re in love with me.” Her eyes found his again. “The way you look at me and talk to me. How we laugh at the same things.”

A simmering desire stirred within him, frustrating him. She was right. Sometimes he actually did feel that way like he was falling for Zoey. But that was the whole Fifteen Minutes thing. The insanity of it and the close quarters. He and Zoey were together constantly. He was bound to feel something for her some of the time. But that wasn’t real. Not the way Reese was real.

He stood and moved farther away, to the arm of the sofa. Distance. That’s what he needed. He sat there, his feet on the cushion, facing her. “I’m sorry . . . if I made it seem like that.”

“Don’t be sorry.” Adoration filled her eyes. “Whatever this is . . . Maybe we need time to figure it out.”

He wanted to explain himself again, but he couldn’t find the right words. She looked so pretty, watching him from her side of the couch.

After a long minute she faced him again. “Thank you, by the way.” Slowly she walked around behind him. “For coming here.”

Whatever she was up to, he had to be smarter. One step ahead of her. But before he had time to move away again he felt her fingers at the base of his neck. With great skill, she pressed her thumbs into his muscles and worked them in circles, easing the tension from his muscles. His body relaxed against the pressure. “Mmmm . . . man. That feels good.” The words slipped before he could stop himself.

“We’re all so uptight, so tense.” She moved her hands down a few inches, pushing her thumbs into his back muscles and working her fingers into the knots near his neck. “Sometimes I wonder . . . how things would be if you and I had met before Reese.”

He was still sitting on the arm of the sofa, and as her backrub continued, her body made contact with his shoulders. At first only here and there, and then in a way that felt very intentional. A subtle pressing against him.

The feeling consumed him and swept him away, a wonderful mix of physical release in his tense neck and a desire stronger than his resistance, one that was taking over his senses. “Zoey . . .”

She leaned in closer and whispered against his neck. “Relax.”

He had no response. The rhythm of the backrub filled his body and soul.

“You think because we’re on this show”—she straightened again, but her voice remained a whisper—“that what we feel isn’t real?”

“I . . .” His control was dissolving.

“You feel something now, Zack. I know you do.” The sound of her whispers and the feel of her body against his, the way she kept pressing her fingers and thumbs into his back, all of it stirred his desire to an even greater level. He could see himself turning around and taking her in his arms, kissing her the way he wanted to kiss her. He gritted his teeth. No . . . he couldn’t. He wouldn’t do that to Reese.

Gradually the backrub stopped and she moved her soft hands to his bare arms. With the lightest feather touch, she ran her fingertips down his triceps all the way to his elbows. The feeling pushed Zack closer to the edge. Run, he told himself. You can’t do this. But he stayed. He stayed and he loved every second, every feeling her touch ignited in him. She leaned her face closer to his again, their bodies making full contact. “We both feel it . . . and it is real.”

That was it. The physical pull was like an assault, a full-blown attack against which he was completely defenseless. Every cell in his body wanted to go with the wave instead of fighting it. He squeezed his eyes shut. “Please . . . Zoey.”

“Come on.” Her lips touched the skin on his neck, and again her fingers traveled down his arms. “Turn around and tell me you don’t want me.”

His head slowly fell back against her. He was losing the battle, failing the test. Then he remembered something Reese had said before his audition. Something about time apart. So that they could figure out who they were. Zoey ran her hands down his arms again. Zack clenched his jaw, barely able to breathe. Maybe Reese was right. Maybe he needed this so he could be sure.

“Zack . . .” She came around in front of him and took his hands and gently turned him so he was facing her, his feet on the ground.

He slid to the edge of the sofa arm.

It was happening . . . he couldn’t fight his desire another second. He moved his feet slightly apart and she easily took the spot between them. Like that they were face-to-face and her arms came around his neck. “Hold me.” She touched her lips to his neck. “Please, Zack.”

He did as she asked, pulling her closer and wrapping his arms around her back, her waist. The hug didn’t last long before he was kissing her. Making out with her the way he had longed to do since they walked upstairs. His desire doubled and the kiss grew more intense, more passionate.

“Don’t stop.” She spoke softly against his neck, kissing him several times there before returning to his lips.

He moved his hands along her back and thought about the dark-lit room and the sofa and how easy it would be to lie down with her here and—

Suddenly he slid back. What was he thinking? How had this happened? He created distance between them. With a strength not his own he worked his legs over the sofa arm onto the other side and moved three steps away from her. “Wow.” He laced his fingers together at the back of his neck and hung his head. For a long moment he only focused on breathing, desperate for control. Stay here, Zack. Don’t go back. How had things gotten so out of control? He waited until the fires coursing through him cooled a little. Then he lifted his eyes to hers.

“I can’t . . . do this.” He shook his head. His breathing was nowhere near normal.

She was out of breath, too, and shame colored her expression—even in the dark-lit room. “You just did.” She knit her brow, clearly hurt. “Think about us, Zack. Stop lying to yourself.”

Thoughts of the kiss consumed him again. His body screamed for her, but this time he ignored the demands. He stood a little taller. “There is no us.”

For a few seconds she stared at him. Then slowly she nodded. “Fine.” She crossed her arms. “Friendship? Is that what this is?”

“You don’t make it easy.” He exhaled, frustrated more at himself. “Look, I’m sorry.” He kept his distance, not wanting to be drawn in again. “I care about you.”

“Care? Concern? Those were your feelings a minute ago?”

“How do you expect me to feel?” He felt beyond defeated. “Nothing’s normal. The show . . . all of it.” He still felt drawn to her, but he held his ground. “You’re very beautiful, Zoey. You needed someone. The backrub . . .” He held his breath for a few seconds and then exhaled hard. “The lines get blurred.”

“Yeah.” She pulled her hair to one side and stared at him, pride flashing in her eyes. “For both of us.”

“Okay.” The reality of what he’d done was hitting him. He felt awful. Not only because of Reese but because his actions had clearly confused things. Before another moment passed he had to be absolutely clear. “Look, I do care for you. But before this show and after it I will love the same girl.”

Once more tears shone in her eyes. “Fine.” She found a sad smile and some of her usual composure. “I’m going to sleep.”

Another realization hit Zack square in the heart. This would’ve been a perfect time to talk about God. But in light of his weakness, the conversation would clearly have to wait. “Good night.”

She hesitated and her expression said it all. If he wanted to stick by his girlfriend, then she would stop trying. And she certainly wasn’t going to hug him good night the way she usually would. She took a few steps toward the hallway, the one that led to the elevators. “Good night.”

He watched her walk off. The moment she stepped out of sight he remembered the cameras. He searched the room but couldn’t see one. That didn’t mean someone wasn’t watching. Why hadn’t he thought of that when he started kissing her? He walked to the window and stood there. Just stood there and wondered what had happened.

He had told her the truth. He loved Reese. But in those minutes all he’d wanted was Zoey Davis. How was that possible? And what did it say about him? He leaned against the windowsill and tried to make sense of it all. But he couldn’t.

Exhaustion seized him. How could he have let things get so crazy? He closed his eyes, disgusted at himself. What had happened here wouldn’t happen again. He would be more careful. God, I’m sorry . . . I failed tonight. A shiver came over him and he stared up between the buildings at a sliver of the dark sky over New York City. He was slipping. He could feel it. I thought I could do this, Lord . . . what’s wrong with me? Please make me stronger. Despite the highs and lows of the day, he felt a hint of inner strength, one that wasn’t his own. The pace was so crazy, the situation so extreme. Of course he had kissed her. Next time he’d be smarter. He would avoid going anywhere alone with her, and late nights would be with the group only.

He remembered the warning from Chandra Olson. How she’d lost her fiancé during her run on Fifteen Minutes. Sure, God would forgive him, and Zoey, too. But the question that remained, the one that kept him awake and broke his heart long after he turned out the lights, was this:

What about Reese?