Fifteen Minutes

chapter 25

Everyone could see the difference in Zack, but Chandra felt like she had a special window to it. Zack was changing before their eyes. Despite her warnings, he was letting the attention get to him, like everyone else. The show had mocked his convictions and manipulated his friendship with Zoey, and now he was left trying to find his way through his new life.

The one that no longer included his girlfriend.

Three weeks had passed, and everyone knew about the breakup. Chandra had watched from a distance, wondering if Zack would lose the will to compete and wind up getting kicked off earlier than any of them had expected. Instead, he seemed to have doubled his efforts to win, while his friendship with Zoey appeared only to have grown stronger. As if the two of them together had become victims of the show’s producers.

Star-crossed friends, if not lovers. The two of them against the world.

His breakup alone didn’t prove that Zack was a different person today. Relationships ended all the time. It was the other things. The fact that Zack had all but stopped mentioning his faith. Back when Meier gave the edict about avoiding faith talk, Zack had been determined to carry on anyway. Not anymore. His last dozen tweets were shout-outs to his fans, gratitude for their votes, and thanks to the show’s sponsors. Nothing about the God he served.

The competition was down to six contestants, and tonight each of them would sing two songs and a duet. They were set to compete in a few hours, and Chandra was worried. She’d seen Zack in wardrobe and watched him during rehearsal. His style had gradually changed, his clothes and hair edgier than before. One of his songs tonight was about getting drunk on a beach, and the duet was a racy love song. She pictured the way Zack and Zoey sang it during practice. If America didn’t believe they were a couple before tonight, they would soon. And maybe they really were, the way they acted.

Zack didn’t talk to Chandra like before.

Chandra finished her lunch and walked to the rehearsal room. For more than a week she’d looked for a chance to talk to Zack again, and now she couldn’t wait. The contestants had ten minutes left on their break. Chandra found him sitting next to Zoey, the two of them looking pensive. She walked up and made small talk at first. Then she looked at Zack. “Do you have a minute?”

Zack looked like he’d expected this. He stood. “Definitely.” He left his things with Zoey and followed Chandra to the back of the rehearsal space, down a hall to her private suite. She shut the door behind them and directed Zack to the sofa. She took the chair. For a long moment, she studied him, willing the right words to come. “Your memory isn’t very good, Zack?”

“Ma’am?”

She raised her eyebrows and her pointer finger at the same time. “Chandra.” Frustration filled her voice. “I told you that.”

Zack paused. “Sorry.” He sat a little straighter.

She had his attention. “We need to talk.”

“Okay.” He looked confused, not sure what to make of her anger.

She sat back hard in her seat and stared at him. “You didn’t hear me the first time, is that it? That why you’re letting fame suck you in?”

“I . . . I’m not sure I understand.”

“I warned you.” She crossed her arms, her voice louder than before. “Of course they were going to make some love story out of you and Zoey Davis.” She threw her hands in the air. “Look at you two. Like something off a movie set.”

Zack blinked. A fight stirred in his eyes. “Was that my fault?”

“You care about that girl back home?” Chandra leaned over her knees, too worked up to stop herself. “Do you?”

“You know I do.” Zack shifted, clearly uncomfortable.

“And you care about that God you used to talk about?”

“What do you mean used to talk—”

“Zack Dylan!” Chandra angled her head, shooting her best warning look at him. “Don’t go all innocent on me. You know what I’m saying. Check your tweets. When’s the last time you mentioned God or prayer or faith in Jesus?” She waved her hand in front of her face. “Don’t answer that. Just look later. When we’re done.”

“You called me back here to talk about Twitter?” Zack rested his forearms on his knees, his eyes intent. “Is that what this is about?”

“It’s about you.” She emphasized each word, her voice marked by disappointment. “You’re not the same Zack. Right before our eyes, you’re changing.”

He stared at her, and the anger in his expression grew. He stood and walked until he faced the far wall, then he slammed his fist against it. Hard as he could. His forehead fell against the cool brick and he stayed that way. Several seconds passed before he spun around and glared at her. “How is any of this my fault?” he yelled. “Could you tell me that, Chandra?” He clenched his fists and made a move to hit the wall again, but at the last second he changed his mind and found a level of control. “How is it my fault?”

“Because.” She stood and pointed straight at his chest. “You love it, Zack. The cameras and autographs and stanchioned-off crowds. The staged photo shoots and live shows. You love all of it.” She grabbed a quick breath. “And you know what I think?”

He didn’t answer. His chest still heaved from hitting the wall with his hand.

Chandra let her hands fall to her sides. “I think . . .” her sudden calm made every word more pronounced, “you love it more than everything and everyone back in Kentucky.”

“Don’t say that.” Zack looked like he wasn’t sure whether to storm out of the room or break down and cry. “I didn’t stop loving anyone.”

“But . . .” she pointed at him again, her voice a whisper. “You love this more. Otherwise, you would’ve gotten on a plane and gone after the girl.” She held his eyes for a few heartbeats. “Look at this.” She pulled her laptop from a nearby desk. She took the computer to the sofa and pointed to the seat beside her. “Sit.”

Zack did as she asked. She opened the computer, pulled up her iPhoto library, and brought up the first picture. A photo of her with her mom and dad at what looked like a middle school graduation. “Those are my parents. Take a good look, Zack.” She peered at him. “You see them? See how happy we look?”

“Yes.” He sighed. “Look, Chandra . . . I need to get back.”

“No!” She raised her voice again. “You watch. This could just as easily be your life. The life you had before you auditioned.”

A stream of pictures followed. Chandra and her parents on a beach vacation, the three of them at the park playing with their family dog. There were other photos, pictures of Chandra and her fiancé when they were teenagers, back when they first fell in love and more as they grew older and the relationship grew serious. Near the end of the file was a picture of her with her parents and fiancé, all of them standing around her car.

“I keep a copy of that photo with me always. In my car, in my purse. On my phone. It’s always there.” Sadness consumed her. “Know where I was going?”

Zack looked at her, but again he said nothing.

“That’s right.” She stared at him. “I was leaving to audition for Fifteen Minutes.” She stared at the picture and her heart broke. The way it always did when she looked at this photograph. “Sometimes . . .” She heard tears in her voice. “When the world spins out on its axis like it does . . . I call up this picture and climb into it. Just live in it for a few minutes. However long I can. You know why?”

Anger marked Zack’s expression, but his eyes were filled with unshed tears. He clenched his jaw and shook his head.

“Because I would do anything,” she jabbed her finger at the photo on the screen, “anything at all to be back in that moment.”

She was almost finished. The next photo showed a ring in a box. “That’s my engagement ring, the way it looked when I gave it back to him. Never loved anyone like I loved him. But this”—she waved her hand at their surroundings and toward the door—“all of this won out over him. I didn’t think that’s what was happening at the time, but it was. What we used to have was never the same after the show.”

One more click and there they were. Her parents’ tombstones.

“Take a look, Zack.” She turned the computer so he could see more clearly. “Take a good hard look. See their names on the grave markers. See the dates.” She breathed in sharp through her nose, ignoring the tears that made their way down her face. “After a loss like that, there is no going back. There just isn’t.”

Zack hung his head, and Chandra watched a series of tears splash onto his faded jeans. He rubbed the back of his neck and then looked at her, angrier than before. “Why are you showing me this? I’m not you.”

“Look there.” She pointed at the name of the file. “Look at what I call this photo album.”

He squinted at the word, following her orders even when he clearly did not want to.

“See what it says? It says, ‘Cost.’ This file . . . these thirty-six pictures . . . represent the cost of my success. The price of my fame.” She shut the computer and returned it to the desk. Then she took the chair across from him. “You have that file, too, Zack. Even if you haven’t created it on your laptop yet.” Her tone was soft, every other emotion giving way to sadness. A sadness that was always beneath the surface for Chandra. “What’s in your file, Zack? What pictures?”

He worked the muscles in his jaw. “Nothing. I haven’t lost anything I can’t get back.”

“That right?” She nodded, her attitude showing again. “Well, let me tell you what’s in that file already, just so you know.” She stood and waved her hands in front of her. “A photo of a sprawling Kentucky horse farm you’ll never go back to. That should be there. And a picture of you and your family, sitting on the front porch like you had forever to watch a sunset. Oh, and your favorite picture of you and your girlfriend. Start there.” She lowered her hands to her sides. “Leave room, Zack. Because the file of what it costs will keep growing. Every year it’ll grow.”

“I need to get back.” Zack stood and reached for the door.

“Not yet!” she yelled. “Turn around and look at me.” He kept his hand on the knob, but he did as she asked. “When you leave here, you take a minute and think about what I said. Think about how you’ve changed. How the wide-eyed guy from Danville, Kentucky, disappears a little more with every performance.” She came a step closer, pointing at him one last time. “Think about it while you sing your drinking song and that love duet with Zoey.” She hesitated, her passion getting the better of her. “You’ve changed. You’re buying in to the fame as fast as anyone on this show. But you mark my words, there will be a cost.”

He hesitated, their eyes locked. “Thank you. I’ll . . . keep that in mind.”

“You do that.” She crossed her arms. “And when you hit the pillow tonight, I want you to think about something else. I took this job for two reasons.” She hesitated, making sure he heard this last part. “So I could find meaning in all this. Meaning, because by winning . . . I lost everything.” She paused. “You wanna know the other reason?”

“What?” His tone was just short of rude.

“So I could warn someone like you.” She came to him and found control once more. Gently, she took his hands in hers. “I promise you something, Zack Dylan. Right here I promise you. I haven’t prayed to God since my parents died. But tonight . . . tonight when you perform in front of America I will be praying for you. Praying that despite all the madness, you might find a way to win.” She released his hands. “Go.”

Zack held her eyes for another few seconds, then disappeared down the hallway. Chandra shut the door, grabbed her computer, and sat down. She found the photograph again, the one of her and her parents and her fiancé in the moments before she drove off to audition.

For the next ten minutes she didn’t want to live anywhere else.

ZACK COULDN’T RETURN to the rehearsal room. He wasn’t even sure he could compete after that. He walked blindly to the end of the hall toward the emergency exit. That’s what he needed, right? An emergency exit. So he could stop the madness and think about his life, about what Chandra had told him.

He hated her approach, how she had yelled at him and blamed him. But somewhere deep inside he had the horrible suspicion that she was right. That every single word was the truth. The absolute truth.

Facing the wall, his forehead pressed against the cool brick, he let the singer’s warning play in his mind again. She was right about Twitter. He didn’t have to check. Gaines had warned him enough times that he’d convinced himself his faith could wait. As if he could put God on hold while he finished the show run and then later . . . after he won . . . he would tell the whole world about Jesus.

The plan disgusted him now, made him want to burst through the door and run as far and fast as he could. He thought about her accusation that he loved this new life more than the old. That couldn’t be true, right? But how else could he explain some of the changes he’d made? Changes that were intended to please the producers and the audience without thought for how they might affect Reese or his family back home. One at a time he examined Chandra’s statements and he could only admit what was painfully obvious.

She was right.

The realization shocked him. How had he allowed it to happen? And if a stranger could see it, what about his family? His parents and his brother and sister? Grandpa Dan?

What about Reese?

No wonder she was moving to London. He’d texted her every few days since she broke up with him, but she never texted back. With each ignored attempt, he felt his heart grow colder toward her. Zoey understood. She was here and she was his friend. No more private moments or make-out sessions. They had reached an understanding after that first live show, and now they were more careful.

Not that it mattered. The cameramen caught what they wanted. Nearly every week the show ran some sort of update about the two of them—either how they were fighting or hiding from the others or falling more deeply in love.

But somehow along the way he had called home less often. The drama with Zoey had begun to feel real, while his life in Kentucky faded a little more each day. Chills ran down his arms. So much drama, so much public scrutiny.

He thought about the lyrics of the song he would sing that night. They were about being too drunk to remember last night’s girl and maybe even last night’s fight. Drinking until he couldn’t see the stars and waking up under the sun. It was a song William Gaines had suggested. “People need to see the edgy cowboy,” he’d told Zack when they were picking songs. “You’re a guy’s guy. Like David from the Bible. Time to show a little of that muscle.”

Zack had found himself nodding along with Gaines, agreeing. Who wouldn’t want to be like King David, ready to slay any giant who got in his way on Fifteen Minutes? But a drunken-cowboy song couldn’t point people to the Bible. How could he have thought that for even a moment?

Then there were his clothes. Tonight he would wear a cutoff T-shirt and tight jeans—an outfit the wardrobe assistants said was inspired by an Abercrombie ad. Both decisions had seemed right at the time. Anyone would want to be a handsome, well-dressed guy’s guy. The most masculine voice on the show. The at-home audience would go crazy for both the song and the look. Those were Gaines’s words. “You’ll be through with more votes than everyone else combined.”

Nausea tightened Zack’s gut. How could he have agreed to any of it? What had happened to praying about his performance and asking for God’s will, whatever it might be? Zack stood straighter and stared at the emergency exit. He couldn’t leave now. News crews and police would spend the evening searching for him. He’d embarrass his family and the show and probably wind up being sued.

No. He had to go on. He’d made his decision long ago.

When he couldn’t wait another minute, he returned to the rehearsal room. The other contestants were seated in the front row and Gaines was about to use the megaphone. When he spotted Zack, he threw his hands in the air. “You scared us half to death.” His shout could be heard throughout the cavernous room. “Get over here.”

And like that Zack stepped back on the roller coaster from which there was no getting off. He took his place next to Zoey, and in the minutes before heading over to Carnegie Hall, the two of them ran through their duet again. The competition was turning Zack into an actor. He could sing a love song with Zoey and convince just about everyone in the room.

Zack realized something as they were whisked across the street to Carnegie Hall. He no longer found it natural to pray in the moment. The noise around him was so loud, the screaming fans and demanding production assistants, the rehearsals and sound checks and wardrobe issues. All of it had become so overwhelming he could barely think, let alone pray. One more cost to add to the list.

A list that no doubt would be longer after tonight.