Funny Children's Stories

Étude of Kreisler

When I pick up my violin, I always want to go to the bathroom. But not because I do not like to play the violin. I do like to play the violin. I really like it. Well, I mean my mom thinks that I really like to play the violin. She says that it is a great, enormous pleasure.

Actually, it really is a great pleasure when a person can play it well. However, so far, I cannot play too well. Of course, now I play much better than before, when I just drew my bow across open strings. Then I would get dizzy and nauseous. Once I even fainted. But now it is not as disgusting.

But for whatever reason, no one really understands how people learn to play. Every time guests come to our house, one of them always remembers about me and asks me to play the violin.

They probably think that I will play Zigeunerweisen or Monti’s Czardas for them. But I cannot play Zigeunerweisen and I cannot play Czardas. I can only bring in my music stand, place sheet music on it, and play something boring.

Now, for example, I can play the etude of Kreisler for them. Then all our guests will immediately fall from their chairs. And they will fall from their chairs because I cannot play the etude well. I am still only learning it. And I have already forgotten what I played on last year’s exam. Although, honestly, I probably could play from the sheet music what I played last year. But no one knows where that sheet music is.

But of course I cannot explain this to our guests. In the past, I tried to explain such things to them. But they would only say that I was behaving like a real artist. And it was both offensive and funny. And by the way, I do not understand why they would mention a real artist.

Now I do not even try to explain anything to our guests. I just tell them that I do not want to play. When they start to insist, I say that I want to go to the bathroom. And that is always the truth. Because as soon as the first guest remembers about me and the violin, then right that second, I really need to go to the bathroom.

Sometimes I wonder why I want to go to the bathroom when I play the violin. Why do I not want to go to the bathroom when I eat ice cream? This idea is very far from my mind when I eat ice cream.

Maybe I really do not like to play? No, that is not true. I do like to play the violin. My mom is right, I am very lucky to be learning to play the violin.

Actually, I am the only one who is that lucky. In our yard, no one plays the violin. And not just the violin. No one plays anything. While I practice, all other boys are out in our yard.

And I do not even know why no one plays violin. Maybe everyone in our yard is tone deaf? No, I seriously doubt that. The other kids’ parents probably did not realize in time that it is a great joy to be able to play the violin.

That must be it! That is why all other kids are out in our yard while I practice. Probably, only my parents were clever enough to recognize that to play the violin is a great joy. And a great, enormous pleasure.