I Smell Esther Williams

BLUE DODGE

I knew it. I’ve been feeling like a fat pig, she says, looking down at the scale.

I’m going to open the shower curtain now and show you the horse I got.

He opens the shower curtain and the horse sticks his head out.

His name is Cote d’Azur.

Here have a carrot.

I’m sorry you brought up words that end with — facient. I can’t think straight …

He bangs the soda machine.

Damn!

You shouldn’t have gotten such a large bucket of fries — we’ll never finish them.

I can’t afford these repairs y’know.

She nods.

They both look under the hood.

There goes my between jobs vacation.

You’ll have to work between jobs this time.

He fumbles for his keys.

Are you decent? he asks.

I was jerking off in the shower and I came before I was even hard.

There’s a long stem running through the penis …

Let me help you with those, he says, taking the wok in his arms.

They get on the escalator. He’s one step beneath her.

… well, she says, it’s a long stem and if it gets a bubble in it you can just come like that, I guess.

They reach the top and look out across the panorama.

This is horse country. Liz Taylor rides here.

These shoes give me a blister.

She throws one across the hall.

He steps off the bus, into a puddle.

Where’ve you been?

I missed my stop, he says.

Well, you get something to drink, I’ll serve the spaghetti.

I want mead, he laughs.

She leans over and he cups both her breasts in his hands.

That doesn’t look like you.

It was taken four years ago. Here, let me see.

She gets up to pay the check.

Doesn’t your father know anyone with pull?

Her voice trails away.

He snuffs out his cigarette and dries himself with her bathrobe.

What about substitute teaching?

He addresses another envelope.

Messrs. Bad and Worse.

He makes a fist and looks through it.

He squeezes his fist shut and she takes off her sunglasses and dives into the pool.

He gets on Cote d’Azur and rides away.

Everyone goes home.

He rides back.

Where’d everyone go? he says.